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Waiting for her return
- Thread starterSoonToBe
- Start date
Since my last post I've been trying to put myself mentally where I'lll be if I say yes. In the abstract, I do love the idea of the 2 of them fucking for most of the night. I guess in that sense Sue is right, that there isn't anything more they can or will do with each other. I guess it's really just the knowledge of spending the whole night together - that and being together in the morning - that's the only real difference. I do sort of wonder how she'd be in the morning - waking up with him after a long night of sex. I know they've showered together, but I do wonder how she'll be when it is after sleeping all night next to him. And I also know that the entire time I'll be home with all of these thoughts running through my head as they are now.
The crazy thing is that I am very turned on by all of this. Wicked nervous and not totally sold on it yet - but the idea of her sharing all of herself with him - even more than she has now is terribly arousing! In some way I do want her to feel everything she can and everything she wants to. For her to want this, she truly must want to give Brad all of her. That's a turn-on for me to know - that she truly wants it at this point.
The crazy thing is that I am very turned on by all of this. Wicked nervous and not totally sold on it yet - but the idea of her sharing all of herself with him - even more than she has now is terribly arousing! In some way I do want her to feel everything she can and everything she wants to. For her to want this, she truly must want to give Brad all of her. That's a turn-on for me to know - that she truly wants it at this point.
Soon,
This appears to be a control issue. Your posts suggest you badly want to view yourself as still "in control" of your wife, somehow. But you gave that away quite a while ago, and not just voluntarily. You worked and persisted until finally your wife acquiesced and allowed herself to give in to her desires, and she made you her cuckold.
I come down with Loveslife2005 on this one. His comment is a good one.
If your wife comes to realize you are not just an obstacle to be negotiated (as she does now), but rather a brick wall that cannot be negotiated, she may very well adopt some other approach.... one that will eat away at you because it will cause you to be suspicious (but you won't know for sure what's going on), and which could have a very adverse affect on your relationship with her (when you finally find out).
Regarding your comment of today:
I suggest (again) giving your wife what she wants, and what you secretly want — but feel you can't admit, because simultaneously (it appears) you want badly to view yourself, and for your wife and her lover to view you, as "in control." But, your wife has demonstrated very strong ability to take care of you and her family.... to keep her home intact.... while carrying on her affair with her lover, which you instigated and which she now finds she wants and needs to continue. You are, however, slowly putting her in an impossible position with potential for a bad outcome.
You've had a good thing going for both of you
, but you appear now to be taking aim to shoot yourself in the foot .
—Custer
This appears to be a control issue. Your posts suggest you badly want to view yourself as still "in control" of your wife, somehow. But you gave that away quite a while ago, and not just voluntarily. You worked and persisted until finally your wife acquiesced and allowed herself to give in to her desires, and she made you her cuckold.
I come down with Loveslife2005 on this one. His comment is a good one.
loveslife2005@yahoo.com said:
If your wife comes to realize you are not just an obstacle to be negotiated (as she does now), but rather a brick wall that cannot be negotiated, she may very well adopt some other approach.... one that will eat away at you because it will cause you to be suspicious (but you won't know for sure what's going on), and which could have a very adverse affect on your relationship with her (when you finally find out).
Regarding your comment of today:
SoonToBe said:
I suggest (again) giving your wife what she wants, and what you secretly want — but feel you can't admit, because simultaneously (it appears) you want badly to view yourself, and for your wife and her lover to view you, as "in control." But, your wife has demonstrated very strong ability to take care of you and her family.... to keep her home intact.... while carrying on her affair with her lover, which you instigated and which she now finds she wants and needs to continue. You are, however, slowly putting her in an impossible position with potential for a bad outcome.
You've had a good thing going for both of you
, but you appear now to be taking aim to shoot yourself in the foot .—Custer
Angle - when we're together she is always focused on me. There's no issue there. From what you wrote, you sound like Sue, that she doesn't want to have to watch the clock and "only wants to spend a few more hours with him". Sometimes, when I think about it from that side, it does seem like I'm making much more of this than I should be.
We're talking about when I might be able to watch them and she is asking the same thing as I wrote about - for me to be there with them and then to leave her with him afterwards overnight. She even said that if I felt like it wasn't okay that she'd come home with me instead of spending the night.
She's also telling me that she thinks that once I say okay that I will like my decision. I don't think she knows the word cuckold but she's said to me a few times that she is sure I will be turned on just as I am on Wednesdays, by knowing what she's doing without me.
But back to what you were saying Angle - you're right in the same way others here have said too - I know she wants to do this, but I also do know and trust that she doesn't want to hurt me or hurt us and I do believe her. I don't think she would want to do this if she felt like it would jeopardize anything we have. I don't believe she's in love with Brad in any other way than enjoying sex with him and enjoying him as a person, as a lover but not a husband - I do feel confident about that part of how she is about him.
There are times like these that I feel sort of stupid about how I feel about this whole thing.
We're talking about when I might be able to watch them and she is asking the same thing as I wrote about - for me to be there with them and then to leave her with him afterwards overnight. She even said that if I felt like it wasn't okay that she'd come home with me instead of spending the night.
She's also telling me that she thinks that once I say okay that I will like my decision. I don't think she knows the word cuckold but she's said to me a few times that she is sure I will be turned on just as I am on Wednesdays, by knowing what she's doing without me.
But back to what you were saying Angle - you're right in the same way others here have said too - I know she wants to do this, but I also do know and trust that she doesn't want to hurt me or hurt us and I do believe her. I don't think she would want to do this if she felt like it would jeopardize anything we have. I don't believe she's in love with Brad in any other way than enjoying sex with him and enjoying him as a person, as a lover but not a husband - I do feel confident about that part of how she is about him.
There are times like these that I feel sort of stupid about how I feel about this whole thing.
Soon,
Based on everything you have written about Sue's comments and your feelings, coupled with the input from others here on this site (albeit some have been there; some have not - I'm a "have not") I’ve come to the conclusion that you really are not being asked to make a decision about the overnight…. just an opinion.
To use a northeast analogy… you are skidding down an icy hill and you are asked if you are going to crash. You are in no position to decide whether or not to skid; that course of action has already been determined. You may have some opinion of what you would prefer to hit (i.e. parked car, tree, etc.), but that is just a preference or variable; it will not alter the fact that you are skidding.
Sue will be having overnights. If you object and prevent that from happening now with Brad, it won’t prevent overnights from happening. It might delay the inevitable, but there will be some negative feelings on Sue’s part when the next overnight (again, with Brad or someone else) gets planned.
So what does this all mean? You can’t alter the fact that you’re “skidding”. Use what influence you have to alter some of the variables (such as partial participation or something else that is important to you as an individual, and both of you as a couple. I see no way out of this for you other than going with the flow.
Best of luck,
Casino
Based on everything you have written about Sue's comments and your feelings, coupled with the input from others here on this site (albeit some have been there; some have not - I'm a "have not") I’ve come to the conclusion that you really are not being asked to make a decision about the overnight…. just an opinion.
To use a northeast analogy… you are skidding down an icy hill and you are asked if you are going to crash. You are in no position to decide whether or not to skid; that course of action has already been determined. You may have some opinion of what you would prefer to hit (i.e. parked car, tree, etc.), but that is just a preference or variable; it will not alter the fact that you are skidding.
Sue will be having overnights. If you object and prevent that from happening now with Brad, it won’t prevent overnights from happening. It might delay the inevitable, but there will be some negative feelings on Sue’s part when the next overnight (again, with Brad or someone else) gets planned.
So what does this all mean? You can’t alter the fact that you’re “skidding”. Use what influence you have to alter some of the variables (such as partial participation or something else that is important to you as an individual, and both of you as a couple. I see no way out of this for you other than going with the flow.
Best of luck,
Casino
J
Jaxunman
Guest
She's also telling me she thinks once I say okay, I will like my decision. ....she's said to me a few times she is sure I will be turned on .... by knowing what she's doing without me.
.... I know she wants to do this, but I also do know and trust that she doesn't want to hurt me or hurt us and I do believe her. ....
Sue seems to be way too willing to bargain and " promise you will be glad you said yes" if it is only a few more hours with him as her goal. To stay with him all night, she is saying she prefers to fall asleep in his arms ( since she has already said she is ALL HIS when they are together) rather than come home to you.
By saying she isn't thinking about Brad while at home, is that technically true? You have mentioned on several occasions her mentioning certain things Brad likes that you are doing while you are making love.
I am curious as to how many days she will be off limits if they begin playing house by staying all night together. A few hours on Thursday have affected Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, with sometimes Friday being a "tender day". Brad got off on knowing she was denying you her body on Wednesday. Would he suggest 2 days before to make her more ready? Three days? A week?
I really do not intend to be a downer here. While reading your accounts, I get butterflies at some of the things and she isn't even my wife! LOL! Sue is lobbying for all night visits with a man she readily has told you she says " I love you" to. I have never met a woman who throws the "I love you" phrase around lightly. She has readily admitted that you don't enter her mind when he is in her bed. You have mentioned their getting together for a quickie during the day before. Of more concern is how much quality time does Brad get during the day to influence her. And lastly, while you two do seem to be talking alot and she does ask you if her behavior is pleasing to you, do you know everything? What of her and Brad's pillow talk? One last question. Is Sue the type of wife who might be wanting some boundaries to be established but would find it hard to ask for them?
.... I know she wants to do this, but I also do know and trust that she doesn't want to hurt me or hurt us and I do believe her. ....
Sue seems to be way too willing to bargain and " promise you will be glad you said yes" if it is only a few more hours with him as her goal. To stay with him all night, she is saying she prefers to fall asleep in his arms ( since she has already said she is ALL HIS when they are together) rather than come home to you.
By saying she isn't thinking about Brad while at home, is that technically true? You have mentioned on several occasions her mentioning certain things Brad likes that you are doing while you are making love.
I am curious as to how many days she will be off limits if they begin playing house by staying all night together. A few hours on Thursday have affected Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, with sometimes Friday being a "tender day". Brad got off on knowing she was denying you her body on Wednesday. Would he suggest 2 days before to make her more ready? Three days? A week?
I really do not intend to be a downer here. While reading your accounts, I get butterflies at some of the things and she isn't even my wife! LOL! Sue is lobbying for all night visits with a man she readily has told you she says " I love you" to. I have never met a woman who throws the "I love you" phrase around lightly. She has readily admitted that you don't enter her mind when he is in her bed. You have mentioned their getting together for a quickie during the day before. Of more concern is how much quality time does Brad get during the day to influence her. And lastly, while you two do seem to be talking alot and she does ask you if her behavior is pleasing to you, do you know everything? What of her and Brad's pillow talk? One last question. Is Sue the type of wife who might be wanting some boundaries to be established but would find it hard to ask for them?
Clock
I think the whole thing about not wanting to watch the clock is both very important and also totally unimportant. I know that sounds stupid, but let me try to explain my thoughts.
We are all ruled by a clock, by time. Whether it is watching the clock until it is time to go home from work, waiting for an event to happen, waiting for someone to call. In all these circumstances it is always a waiting game, we are waiting for something to happen, or to end. We are waiting to enjoy the time that is ahead, and the time inbetween seems to last forever. However, when we are already enjoying something, then that time seems to pass so quickly.
While Sue is with Brad I'm sure the time passes very quickly indeed, but for you it may seem like an eternity. Wondering if she is going to be late tonight, waiting to get your time together. When she gets home and you are together, then you get the reassurance the she still wants you. You are still her man, she comes back home to you. She doesn't stay with him.
What she is asking is to extend the time she stays with him, by a few hours, and it is only a few hours, and most of them will be spent sleeping.
They are trying to pack as much fun and excitment into the few hours they have together and that can sometimes put a bit of a damper on things. If they have an all nighter, they can relax and enjoy their time together, she will come home more relaxed and have more energy for you.
It will be more frustrating for you, of course, knowing that she is not coming home tonight, but if you can get yourself some sleep, the time may pass more easily. The clock will still be ticking, it always is, but you will still get your time with her.
Maybe you should ask for a phone call the next morning, just to give you some reassurance.
You have not stopped her from doing anything yet, and I think you will come to terms with it. It is only time, and time can be sweet and also bitter sweet.
It all depends if you are enjoying, or waiting.
Hope this helps.
I think the whole thing about not wanting to watch the clock is both very important and also totally unimportant. I know that sounds stupid, but let me try to explain my thoughts.
We are all ruled by a clock, by time. Whether it is watching the clock until it is time to go home from work, waiting for an event to happen, waiting for someone to call. In all these circumstances it is always a waiting game, we are waiting for something to happen, or to end. We are waiting to enjoy the time that is ahead, and the time inbetween seems to last forever. However, when we are already enjoying something, then that time seems to pass so quickly.
While Sue is with Brad I'm sure the time passes very quickly indeed, but for you it may seem like an eternity. Wondering if she is going to be late tonight, waiting to get your time together. When she gets home and you are together, then you get the reassurance the she still wants you. You are still her man, she comes back home to you. She doesn't stay with him.
What she is asking is to extend the time she stays with him, by a few hours, and it is only a few hours, and most of them will be spent sleeping.
They are trying to pack as much fun and excitment into the few hours they have together and that can sometimes put a bit of a damper on things. If they have an all nighter, they can relax and enjoy their time together, she will come home more relaxed and have more energy for you.
It will be more frustrating for you, of course, knowing that she is not coming home tonight, but if you can get yourself some sleep, the time may pass more easily. The clock will still be ticking, it always is, but you will still get your time with her.
Maybe you should ask for a phone call the next morning, just to give you some reassurance.
You have not stopped her from doing anything yet, and I think you will come to terms with it. It is only time, and time can be sweet and also bitter sweet.
It all depends if you are enjoying, or waiting.
Hope this helps.
mackem88 said:What she is asking is to extend the time she stays with him, by a few hours, and it is only a few hours, and most of them will be spent sleeping.
They are trying to pack as much fun and excitment into the few hours they have together and that can sometimes put a bit of a damper on things. If they have an all nighter, they can relax and enjoy their time together, she will come home more relaxed and have more energy for you.
She will come home more relaxed, but she will NOT have more energy for you. He will have gotten the intimacy and the basking in the afterglow with her that you look forward to each time. The sex will have happened the night before and in the morning her mind will have moved on to the family and business of the day.
It won't be the same the next day. Foreplay has to start over and her activities with Brad are no longer fresh. For most women, sex is best at night after a day of "foreplay".
The time Sue and Brad have to relax and enjoy being together is the time when the emotional bonding takes place. Think about your time with her. Do you feel closer to her during sex or when you are lie together sexually spent? When it's just sex, there is less risk to the marriage.
Dear STB
I'm sorry for asking such a blunt and mechanical question while you are in the midst of writing your emotional catharcism, but I haven't good a time to ask this question so here goes-- I would love to see a picture of you, especially your wif and maybe Brad clothes or of course nude. This would complete my connection to your experience. when you have time please post something. Thank you,
cleaner
I'm sorry for asking such a blunt and mechanical question while you are in the midst of writing your emotional catharcism, but I haven't good a time to ask this question so here goes-- I would love to see a picture of you, especially your wif and maybe Brad clothes or of course nude. This would complete my connection to your experience. when you have time please post something. Thank you,
cleaner
I don't want to rehash what I said earlier, but you used to go on about how you loved her opening up. You said you wanted her to want to do these things, and you encouraged her to explore her desires and limits. I thought you meant it until she expressed numerous times that she wanted an overnight, and this coincided with her expected loss of regular Thursday night play.
So, she's doing exactly what you said you wanted, owning her desires and being up-front with you about it (the overnight) and what do you do? Embrace her opening sexuality? Nope. You shoot her down.
She loves her Thursdays and that's ending. The overnights would be more intense but perhaps much less frequent than her weekly Brad visits. I, for one, hate to jump up after sex. I love to cuddle down and feel her fall asleep on my shoulder. Don't you? Don't you think she loves that, as well?
I'm not trying to make you the bad guy, but don't encourage her to play and explore, then rein her in. She's doing this with full desclosure, and remember, you couldn't handle it last time you tried to watch. Why don't you "walk the talk" and let her have an intimate night with Brad before you try to watch. After all, you might freak and upset the overnight.
This should be all about her, not about you, don't you think? When she has to drag herself out of his arms, sleepy and satisfied, to come home to you and have more sex, well, that's not the ideal. If I were you, I'd give her one overnight and stay home jerking off. See how that works, then try it again with or without you watching.
Just my opinion. No one made me the answer man, so take my advice as one man's voice.
So, she's doing exactly what you said you wanted, owning her desires and being up-front with you about it (the overnight) and what do you do? Embrace her opening sexuality? Nope. You shoot her down.
She loves her Thursdays and that's ending. The overnights would be more intense but perhaps much less frequent than her weekly Brad visits. I, for one, hate to jump up after sex. I love to cuddle down and feel her fall asleep on my shoulder. Don't you? Don't you think she loves that, as well?
I'm not trying to make you the bad guy, but don't encourage her to play and explore, then rein her in. She's doing this with full desclosure, and remember, you couldn't handle it last time you tried to watch. Why don't you "walk the talk" and let her have an intimate night with Brad before you try to watch. After all, you might freak and upset the overnight.
This should be all about her, not about you, don't you think? When she has to drag herself out of his arms, sleepy and satisfied, to come home to you and have more sex, well, that's not the ideal. If I were you, I'd give her one overnight and stay home jerking off. See how that works, then try it again with or without you watching.
Just my opinion. No one made me the answer man, so take my advice as one man's voice.
C
clkx88
Guest
I'm going to completely disagree with the last poster. It should NEVER be all about one partner or the other, and I think this is the problem here. What I think the main question here is: Are you willing to take this past the realm of reality and in to fantasy. An overnight is basically taking away only the part you enjoy (her coming home freshly fucked and jumping back in to bed with you) and replacing it with all her sexual energy going to Brad and you get to cook her breakfast the next morning if she comes home in the morning/
If you want to stay in reality you need to remind her that the clock is part of that. She really does have kids and a husband, and you're already giving her A LOT. IMO, asking for the overnight was really selfish and nothing but worrisome, whether it came from her or Brad.
I just feel like... you're married...shouldn't you get something out of it too?
If you want to stay in reality you need to remind her that the clock is part of that. She really does have kids and a husband, and you're already giving her A LOT. IMO, asking for the overnight was really selfish and nothing but worrisome, whether it came from her or Brad.
I just feel like... you're married...shouldn't you get something out of it too?
I only have a minute for an update here but will have more time tonight as much was discussed yesterday. She asked me last night if I was looking forward to sex with her as much as in prior weeks knowing she would not say no tonight (Wednesday).
Loveslife - have you been talking to Sue? My god you said so many things almost the same as she did. It was weird, the part about running home and she also brought up what you said about this being something I started.
Clkx - your note this morning actually drove home something I told Sue last night. The part where you said "...taking away the only part you enjoy (her coming home..." - I admitted to Sue as I'll say here now, that is not the only part I enjoy. I do enjoy knowing she is fucking and having an awesome time and I do enjoy knowing she is doing what she wants for herself. That's why I disagree with your last line - "... shouldn't you get something out of it too?" - I do get something out of it. All these past Wednesday nights - yes there's this angst inside knowing she doesn't or won't have sex with me - but at the same time, there is this tremendous passion and desire and almost reverence I feel for her. She knows it too - she said she feels it too - while she knows she won't have sex with me, us being so close with each other on those nights and not having sex - she says makes her feel incredibly close to me.
I did tell her I wanted to hear more from her on what she wanted out of this overnight - what does she want to feel and experience. I told her she needs to tell me what she wants out of it before I can accept it. I told her to be honest with me if she can be - if it's just that she doesn't want to get up afterwards, okay. Or if it's as others have said here - that she wants to just lay in his arms afterwards in the afterglow and feel close or even in love with him at that moment, then I would want to know that ahead of time.
I don't know, I'm hoping maybe understanding more of what she wants will make it easier for me to accept as I've pretty much told her "okay" in that I asked her to tell me when they'd want to do this.
More later.
Loveslife - have you been talking to Sue? My god you said so many things almost the same as she did. It was weird, the part about running home and she also brought up what you said about this being something I started.
Clkx - your note this morning actually drove home something I told Sue last night. The part where you said "...taking away the only part you enjoy (her coming home..." - I admitted to Sue as I'll say here now, that is not the only part I enjoy. I do enjoy knowing she is fucking and having an awesome time and I do enjoy knowing she is doing what she wants for herself. That's why I disagree with your last line - "... shouldn't you get something out of it too?" - I do get something out of it. All these past Wednesday nights - yes there's this angst inside knowing she doesn't or won't have sex with me - but at the same time, there is this tremendous passion and desire and almost reverence I feel for her. She knows it too - she said she feels it too - while she knows she won't have sex with me, us being so close with each other on those nights and not having sex - she says makes her feel incredibly close to me.
I did tell her I wanted to hear more from her on what she wanted out of this overnight - what does she want to feel and experience. I told her she needs to tell me what she wants out of it before I can accept it. I told her to be honest with me if she can be - if it's just that she doesn't want to get up afterwards, okay. Or if it's as others have said here - that she wants to just lay in his arms afterwards in the afterglow and feel close or even in love with him at that moment, then I would want to know that ahead of time.
I don't know, I'm hoping maybe understanding more of what she wants will make it easier for me to accept as I've pretty much told her "okay" in that I asked her to tell me when they'd want to do this.
More later.
I'm sure it's both for her, the not having to jump up and the closeness. I shared C. and she loved to cuddle with the men we played with, but it just made her love me more that I understood and let her. It bothered me a lot the first time but I got over it. I bet you will, as well. Since she's lost Thursdays, the occasional overnight will allow her not to lose a part of her life she's come to love. Quickies don't quite make up for Thursday nights, but overnights will.
If we do nice things for our women, they overwhelm us with the love they give in return. I'm glad you told of the pleasure you get, the Wednesday cuddling, you wearing condoms so Brad would be the first to cum inside her after the IUD (very hot, good move) and thet she wanted Brad to be first, as well, the excitement of knowing she's out fucking another man, the mixed excitement of knowing she wants to be his when they are together, the fact she thinks and speaks of him when she's with you, it's all so hot!
Just ask her to have a wake-up fuck before she leaves him in the morning so you can have a fairly fresh creampie. That way you'll she'll still come home freshly fucked. Also, before the overnights, you can have a no-sex night like Wednesdays were. mmmm.
And no, I haven't talked to her, but I'd love to.
Remember, no matter how strenuously I state my opinion, it's just my opinion. I don't think I'm handing down truth from on high.
If we do nice things for our women, they overwhelm us with the love they give in return. I'm glad you told of the pleasure you get, the Wednesday cuddling, you wearing condoms so Brad would be the first to cum inside her after the IUD (very hot, good move) and thet she wanted Brad to be first, as well, the excitement of knowing she's out fucking another man, the mixed excitement of knowing she wants to be his when they are together, the fact she thinks and speaks of him when she's with you, it's all so hot!
Just ask her to have a wake-up fuck before she leaves him in the morning so you can have a fairly fresh creampie. That way you'll she'll still come home freshly fucked. Also, before the overnights, you can have a no-sex night like Wednesdays were. mmmm.
And no, I haven't talked to her, but I'd love to.
Remember, no matter how strenuously I state my opinion, it's just my opinion. I don't think I'm handing down truth from on high.
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