Thursdays

[SoonToBe]

Hey Custer,

Thanks for the reply and explanation of your comments. Sorry if I misread them or over-reacted.

The sad part of all of this is that a few years back she had her gall-bladder removed laparscopically and we/she should have taken that oppportunity to have her tubes tied - but we were given bum info at the time and didn't do it. Unfortunately, the costs would be more than $3k as we know what many of the costs are from the gall-bladder operation. Alll I can say is thank-god for insurance or that operation would have killed us financially. And yes, despite it being laparscopic - there were still multiple weeks of recovery because no matter whether it's an inch long or a foot long - incisions through muscles hurt and take time to heal.

Yes she is 48 but a young 48. She definitely does not want to go back on hormones now (she was on the pill long ago) so I'm pushing for an IUD - one of the copper ones that seem to be reliable. But as I said she's hemming and hawing about it. Plus menopause should be just around the corner so-to-speak - so going through surgery or risk from hormones for a comparatively short period of time (2-5 years at most) doesn't seem worth the risk.

I'm still at work this evening which is just as well as I'll be that much more tired later and will be that much less horny. I am honestly trying to keep tomorrow out of my mind for the time being.

I read back and saw someone mentioned Sue spending the night with Brad. I will need to ask her exactly what her plans are in the event I can't take it watching her. We had planned on only having 1 car but may now need to rethink that as I don't think I am ready to have her spend the night with Brad despite my cock thinking otherwise.

Anyway - time to head home.

 

[Custer Laststand]

Soon,

Hey Custer, Thanks for the reply and explanation of your comments. Sorry if I misread them or over-reacted.

You're welcome — and no problem. Your response was appropriate, actually.

The sad part of all of this is that a few years back she had her gall-bladder removed laparoscopically and we/she should have taken that opportunity to have her tubes tied - but we were given bum info at the time and didn't do it.

Yes, that's unfortunate. My wife had her tubes tied during a surgery for a different purpose, so the additional cost was minimal.

Unfortunately, the costs would be more than $3k as we know what many of the costs are from the gall-bladder operation.

I wouldn't doubt it.... might be worth asking, though, if only for the sake of having an answer.

And yes, despite it being laparoscopic - there were still multiple weeks of recovery because no matter whether it's an inch long or a foot long - incisions through muscles hurt and take time to heal.

Yes, I'm familiar with that phenomenon. Having surgery performed is like suffering a significant wound.

She is 48 but a young 48. She definitely does not want to go back on hormones now (she was on the pill long ago) so I'm pushing for an IUD - one of the copper ones that seem to be reliable. But as I said she's hemming and hawing about it.

There are (at least) two types of IUD, per my wife's comments. Those that are not hormone coated, and those that are. The former tend to cause increased problems with bleeding and cramping. The latter don't but are, well, hormone-coated. I think the "copper ones" fall into the latter catagory, but I don't actually know that. You and your wife might find it worthwhile to read the links furnished by Marys_pet. I think at least one of them talks about copper-coated IUDs.

Plus menopause should be just around the corner so-to-speak - so going through surgery or risk from hormones for a comparatively short period of time (2-5 years at most) doesn't seem worth the risk.

I asked my wife how the probability of getting pregnant at 48 without any birth control at all would compare to the probability of a fertile, sexually-active woman of 20 getting pregnant if she were on a relatively effective form of b.c. such as the pill. She said at 48 with no birth control, the probability of pregnancy would be much higher. She went on to say there are lots of women in their late 40's who became pregnant after assuming the probability of pregnancy at that age was so low they didn't need to worry about b.c. anymore. So, your wife's concern is appropriate.

—Custer

 

[Susan's Slave]

Good luck to you this evening. Having read all your comments I think you will probably be okay. If not, you can go sit in the car or take a walk.

The problems I forsee would be that she might be more inhibited as she tries to judge your response, or he might have some performance anxiety and not be able to do the job. All in all, just keep your expectations low and be supportive of her needs as she is taking a big risk and is giving you a very nice gift.

 

[SoonToBe]

Hey all,

So - I told Sue that I had some reluctance to be there tonight but that I would try. She suggested maybe my waiting to come up to the room for a while. She even offered to be under the blankets with him when I come in if that would be easier for me. I'm still thinking about that idea. We talked a bit more last night and she again said that she didn't want to hold back or not be herself with Brad so that I should be sure of what I want. I asked how Brad felt about me being there and he said that as long as I was okay, that he thought he'd be okay but he also said what others here have said, that it'd be better if I was off in a corner and not right on top of them. I'm worried enough about just being there that I really don't think I'll be right on the bed with them. This sounds so f'd up that I think I'm crazy for even thinking about this - seeing Sue actually fucking him and more. But on the other hand, I have jerked off so many times to this very idea that I have to go for it or at least try.

This morning she didn't have to leave early and it was so incredible to see her getting dressed thinking that I might actually watch Brad undress her later. I don't know how I managed to not jerk-off either last night or this morning to how turned on I am.

I'll leave you with this - as she got ready this morning she yelled to me in the bathroom to "bring me my diaphragm and cream please". The feeling I had handing that to her were incredible and in so many ways turned me on so much that in some ways, that moment made everything worth it and okay. The feeling of me placing her birth-control in her hand for her to use with Brad while I watch was just an incredible feeling of intense emotion. I'm still tingling now writing about it.

Wish me luck for later.

 

[SoonToBe]

I'm still sitting here at my desk and am thinking I have enough butterflies in my stomach that I may have to skip lunch.

I know I love seeing Sue naked at the nude-beach and seeing guys staring and sometimes coming over to talk to her/us - I'm hoping that arousal extends to tonight - at least for a while.

It's beyond that where I just get glassy eyed at thinking about the possibilities. I've dreamt of this for so long - even just the sole moment of watching his cock enter her for the first time. But then I think of what I'm going to feel about what I'll see and I have so many second thoughts.

Maybe a few drinks and being okay with them in the bar beforehand will make it easier.

 

[Custer Laststand]

Soon,

I asked how Brad felt about me being there and he said that as long as I was okay, that he thought he'd be okay but he also said what others here have said, that it'd be better if I was off in a corner and not right on top of them.

Yes, I think so....

I'm worried enough about just being there that I really don't think I'll be right on the bed with them. .... But on the other hand, I have jerked off so many times to this very idea that I have to go for it or at least try.

I agree....

Maybe a few drinks and being okay with them in the bar beforehand will make it easier.

Yes, I would think so....

Wish me luck for later.

OK. Good luck for later.

—Custer

 

[marys_pet]

So how did it go?

 

[SoonToBe]

I couldn't do it - I had to leave

I'm going to make this quick as Sue's stilll asleep and the kids are downstairs.

I couldn't do it. I tried, but I had to leave. I feel sort of stupid about it.

Here's what happened.

We were at a pretty nice hotel in the bar/restaurant. I got there about 6:15 and I could see that Sue and other from her work, including Brad had been there since about 5pm. She wasn't hanging with Brad - he was off with some guys from his area but I saw him in the distance.

I hung with Sue and we had some buffet food and some more drinks. We danced and she went off with her girlfriends to dance when one of the "line dance" songs came on. Brad joined that dance but I noticed they were being very careful to not let others see them together.

At one point Brad came by and said Hi and Merry Christmas and then he said after he cleared his throat that he appreciated me being okay with Sue and all. It was awkward to talk to a guy who's fucking your wife but he did seem like a genuinely nice guy. Each time I meet him I have to say that I do think Sue picked a nice guy to have an affair with.

As the hours clicked by Sue was getting tipsy as were many of her co-workers and soon getting caught beneath the mistletoe was no longer something they avoided and those who were there without their spouses (and several who had their spouses there like Sue) had more than just a peck on the cheek. I got some tongue from one woman who I didn't even know and Sue kissed several guys a bit more than just a peck too - including Brad and that got me going.

I had no idea how the 3 of us were going to get out of the bar and up to a hotel room so I asked Sue what she was thinking. The idea was for Brad to leave first and go up to the room - then maybe 30 minutes later, we would leave as a couple. Sue said she'd already been up to the room and had put her coat and stuff in there as had Brad earlier.

I was pretty ***** by now and I felt I was as ready as I was going to be. About 10pm, Brad came by and said his goodbyes including to us and a kiss for Sue. About 15 minutes later Sue held my arm and just asked me "are you ready?". I told her that I thought I was but that we'd find out in a bit.

In the elevator we kissed passionately and I could feel she was very horny. I reached to caress her breasts and pull her to me but she pushed me away and said "you have to wait, that's not fair" that I knew I could seduce her myself if I wanted.

We came to the room and she stopped me and said "I know you wanted this and I think that Brad and I are okay with this - I hope it'll be okay". She told me again how she didn't want to feel as if she had to behave differently and she started stammering on when I just kissed her and said "Just pretend I'm not there - If I can't take it, I promise you I'll just leave quietly.".

She opened the door and we walked in. We had some small talk - I can't even remember what about - football maybe. Brad had a bottle of wine and he poured me and Sue a glass full. I noticed the bed was to one side of the room and on the other was a small couch and table/chair. I figured that's where I'd stay and I could see that side of the room could be darker if you just had on the light on the nightstand so I thought it might be okay.

As I looked around the room, I turned back and they were already kissing. Brad had his eyes open and looked at me and I just smiled at him. Whew - I remember thinking - I'm okay with them kissing. That worried me but it was okay. Actually I had a hard-on at that. As I smiled Brad's kiss got more passionate and his hands ran over her back, up her neck and through her hair. They had begun.

splitting this into 2 posts....

 

[SoonToBe]

The rest.....

I went into the bathroom both to pee and to give them a moment alone. On the counter in the bathroom there was her diaphragm case - I opened it and it was still in there.

I flushed and made some noise and came back in the room and in the 2 minutes I was gone - Sue was now down to her camisole, bra and panties!!!! Her blouse and skirt and pantyhose were all folded nicely on the small dresser and she was now unbuttoning Brad's shirt.

Neither of them looked at me. And I was as quiet as a mouse as I was too stunned to do a thing other than stand there in the shadow behind the open bathroom door and just stare.

She took his shirt off and then his undershirt. I was dying as she dropped down to her knees and undid his belt and pants and dropped them to the floor.

I looked at her in her underwear and thought of how I felt when she dressed that morning and damn did it get to me - that Brad was undressing her and she, him.

He stepped out of his pants and as he did so, Sue stood up and Brad pulled her camisole over her head leaving her just in her bra and panties and Brad in just his boxer shorts (quite a contrast to the tighty-whitey's I wear). I could see the lump under his shorts and I started to feel not so good all of a sudden when Sue's hand went down to hold his cock through his boxers.

That was the first time she looked at me since I came out of the bathroom and when she saw that I seemed okay she smiled and went back to Brad. I don't know what they were saying to each other but on the clock I could see that we'd only been in the room for maybe 10-15 minutes and she was already almost naked and so was he.

A lot of stuff flashed in my mind including her repeatedly telling me she liked to be buck naked with him. And I wondered if my being there was either speeding that up or slowing that down. Either way - seeing my wife kissing Brad in her underwear as she held his cock in her hand and now seeemd to be massaging it - I started to wonder if I was going to be okay with it.

I sat down quietly on the couch and watched their passion grow.

I was actually okay when Sue slid back down to her knees and pulled his cock out through the fly in his boxers. I was relieved that it wasn't a monstrously large cock - instead it just seemed normal and pink - like mine in many ways. All I could do was stare at her hand on it as she stroked it.

It was like watching a porn movie in some ways - she seemed so comfortable with him, not nervous at all about him and she definitely seemed to be keeping herself faced away from me - easier to forget about me, I guess.

I was even okay when she licked and sucked at the head of his cock and I heard him moan loudly for the first time. I was going to get my own cock out soon and jerk-off a bit if I was going to be this okay about it all.

A moment later she slid his boxers off and I saw Brad naked for the first time and noticed we had similar builds and similar cocks and that eased my angst a bit but at the same time - seeing her next to a naked guy with an erect cock in her hand started to get to me. I can't explain it but I started to feel as if I was going to watch something that I shouldn't be.

She stood up and they kissed again and he simply reached behind her and undid her bra. She let it drop from her shoulders without breaking her kiss. And that was when I felt the first feelings that I couldn't do this.

His hands went to her bare breasts and began squeezing and caressing them and even pulling at her nipples. But it was when he moved from kissing her lips down to the side of her neck and then to licking/kissing the cleft just below her neck and above her breasts and I heard her moan for the first time - that got to me. I knew that moan - it's Sue's "I'm so horny" moan and I realized then just how horny she must have been (and must be every Thursday with him) when we didn't fuck the night before.

The feelings I had were so mixed - I was still hard and all that but I started to lose focus on the horniness I felt and started to just focus on Sue. Her moans increased when Brad moved down further and began to suck at her breasts and nipples and Sue arched her head back. I knew she's all but forgotten about me and it seemed, so had Brad.

I was still telling myself I wanted to stay as Brad moved back up to kiss her and pull her almost naked body against his.

I will never forget the next few moments though - as Brad kissed her and they ran their hands all over each other Sue began stroking Brad again and his cock seemed bigger now than before - not menacingly big or anything, but in my mind it looked bigger.

But the moment that got to me was when Brad ran his hands down from her breasts to her panties and he began to push them down. From behind the little crack in her ass became visible and then he pushed them down over her cheeks - seeing his hands on her naked butt started to make me feel sort of ill.

I can't explain it - other than it felt like one of those rides at the amusement park where it's fun for the first minute, but then you start to feel ill.

Her panties dropped to the floor and she just nonchalantly stepped out of them. And that sight got to me too - her panties just laying on the floor. But I told myself to be strong and that it would get hotter again.

They kissed more and just when I thought I'd be okay about it - their kiss intensified and I saw Sue spread her legs a bit and from behind I saw Brad's hand between her legs and his fingers probing her pussy. And that did it for me - that moment pushed me to the edge as she sort of squatted a bit and spread herself for him and I watched for the first time - another guys' finger enter my wife!!!

seems like it's 3 posts...

 

[SoonToBe]

should fit now.

It felt like I wanted to vomit and cum at the same time. Hearing her moan as his finger slid into her and seeing her lean more onto him as she let herself go - as she said she would.

I was too scared I guess to move or even say anything.

It all was happening so fast. It seemed as if it was only a second later that they lay down on the bed and Sue, still not looking at me, pulled Brad down to her and continued to kiss. She was on the bottom and he was lying with his back towards me. As they kissed she lay back on the bed and between moans and soft sounds from them - I struggled to watch Brads hands as they went from her breasts to her stomach and then lower.

It killed me inside to see Sue just spread her legs - just as she does with me - for Brad. Her bare pussy was clearly aroused and Brads hand moved towards it.

When his fingers started rubbing her slit though and I saw her feeling so comfortable and open with him - spreading her legs apart for him just as she did with me - it started getting to me that I didn't think I could stay.

It just felt like I was prying into what should have been a private moment for them. I got up and went into the bathroom to get myself together and when I came back out, Sue's eyes were closed and Brad was now licking his way down her body. She was just giving herself to him - just like with me and while that turned me on - seeing Brad's face move to between her legs and knowing he was licking her pussy. I don't know - it just got to me in a bad way.

I started to feel very uncomfortable and as I heard and saw Sue responding to him - her hands holding his head where she wanted him - no doubt his tongue now inside her sweet pussy. I started to feel actually ill.

I managed to stay in place as he moved back up her body - but seeing her now VERY wet and very open pussy was making me very queasy, even sitting down it felt like the room was spinnning. I tried to look away at something else but how can you when your own wife is lying not more than 15 feet away from you.

His fingers now were back inside her pussy and from across the room I could see his fingers were all the way inside her and she seemed to be on the edge of her first orgasm. Her hands were on his cock but she seemed to lose her pace with stroking him as his fingers competed for her focus.

And sure enough - just a moment later I heard Sue began to moan as she does and I saw her arching her back up towards him. One of her own hands was pinching her own nipple as I heard her let out a scream as she had her first orgasm ever from another man in front of me.

Hearing her moan like that and seeing her cum with him like that was too much for me. I knew if I stayed I would regret it as I knew that if I watched her cum from his cock - that it just wouldn't be okay for me. It was just something I could feel. As if somehow this were enough for me - I'd seen her cum - seen her give herself to him and I think I actually feared watching any more.

As she came down from her orgasm they cuddled and kissed and as they did so I took my coat from the chair by the table and just said "I can't stay - you two have fun, but I need to leave".

I wasn't even at the door when Sue was in front of me - naked and flushed from Brad - holding me and begging me to tell her I was okay. I did - I couldn't look at Brad lying naked on the bed - but I held Sue's naked body in my hands and kissed her deeply. I didn't think - I just said what I knew I needed to say. I told her "You are beautiful - but I can't stay." I told her "I liked what I saw but that is enough for me for this first time". And then I kissed her and just said confidently "You stay and have your fun - seriously, I'm okay but I need to go now to stay okay". and then I added "Really, I'm fine, I love you - have fun and call me when you're on your way home later". And with that I just left - I didn't even say anything to Brad. I just knew that if I stayed any longer that I wasn't sure how I'd be and I knew that if I left it as it was just then - that I'd be okay.

My hands were shaking in the elevator - I'd sort of expected Sue to come running after me but then thought better of that in that they were probably more *****/buzzed than me and I just let it go and said what the heck. I texted her from the lobby though and said "Have fun, I am fine.". And I think as I sent that, it felt okay and I was pretty sure it was going to be okay.

I went straight to my car and headed home - my mind was spinning from both the drinks as well as what I'd seen. It was only when I realized the clock in the car didn't even read 10:30pm that I realized all of that hadn't even taken 20 minutes!!! At that thought, I was happy I'd left them.

Our kids were asleep when I got home about 11:15 and for the next hour and a half I paced the floor and fought off every bizarre and bad thought I had until I got a Text message from Sue about 12:45am saying she was going to be heading home soon and that she'd be home by about 1:30am.

I waited up for her despite being really tired - she came in and just held me - she didn't say anything for a moment and then just looked up at me, kissed me passionately, and said "I love you so much, I'm so sorry that wasn't better for you".

We got into our bedroom when Sue looked at me and asked if I wanted to undress her. She hadn't put her camisole or pantyhose back on so there was just a bra and panties to encounter - and once they were off all I could think about was that she was naked like this with Brad earlier.

She smelled clean so I knew she'd showered before coming home and thiking of her and Brad washing each other excited me a lot. I thought of how the thought of them doing that turned me on but that I knew I wasn't ready to see them doing it.

Her pussy was so tender and warm and swollen. It felt incredible as we just moved into bed. Once I'd gotten her re-started I could feel how wet she still was inside and she looked up at me and said "you can have your turn now baby". My cock got even harder as I though that we hadn't needed any foreplay - that her body was still ready for more sex. My cock slipped right into her and she gave me a moan that could have been fake but I don't think it was.

I didn't last long - it was almost 2am and I'd been on edge all night that within just a few minutes I started to cum in her. She held me tight and told me she loved me. I tried to keep thrusting in her to maybe give her one last orgasm together with me but she just said "It's okay baby, I've cum enough for one night, as long as you're okay, that's all that matters".

We held each other but didn't say anything - I didn't know what to say (and still don't now 7 hours later). We washed up with a washcloth in the bathroom and simply went to bed.

I woke up about 8:45am but she's out like a light so I doubt she'll be up for another hour or so at least.

I"m not sure how I feel right now. I'm still sorting through all my feelings. I feel stupid for leaving like I did but Sue said that it was okay and that she and Brad understood that it was probably too much for me. And I'm now thinking that if that was too much for me - that if she asked him to put in her diaphragm in front of me that would have been way too much.

I think it's going to be a weird day today - hopefully the kids will give us some space and privacy so we can talk more. I liked what I saw - just not sure I saw what I liked.

 

[tiedandteased]

hey you did great. you were in uncharted territory and you did great. next time will be better since you got this giant step over with. from what you said, no one did anything to disrespect you and Sue was concerned about you all the way. this will work out for you further down the road. congrats to you and your wife.

 

[IndyHubby]

Normal stuff

The enhanced senses which include: your hands shaking, you breathing irregular, the pounding in you chest, dry mouth, your mimd racing, etc., are all to be expected. These are reactions to an intense level of excitement beyond what you have ever experienced.

As you reflect on the experience, take notice that you were not angry or revolted and you had no desire to interfere. You just experienced for the first time, a level of sexual stimulation beyond your comfort zone. That's in large part what this lifestyle is all about.

Think about how stimulated you felt with each additional step Sue took down this road. You just took another step. You wife took bigger steps than you did. She's farther down the road as exhibited by how she was able to handle both your and Brad's needs.

Here's the decision you now will make. Do I want to climb the mountain of sexual intensity or am I going to stay at basecamp? Remember, your wife started climbing the mountain at your request. I don't believe she will ever want to go back to basecamp.

Either you climb with her or you will be left behind. This is the sharing that I preach about. You will choose to be her partner or gradually become a ex. Even if you stay married, you will become the ex.

Some guys want to be left behind. Do you?

 

[marys_pet]

Mainlininig everything you'd experienced previously, directly into a vein.

 

[Ballspanking]

So she went bareack with Brad, and no diaphragm?

 

[Ballspanking]

... bareback...

 

[Custer Laststand]

Soon,

Thanks for your steamy, articulate description of watching your wife orgasm with her lover for the first time. It's really good.... very intense.

It felt like I wanted to vomit and cum at the same time. Hearing her moan as his finger slid into her....

I think that's normal....

I managed to stay in place as he moved back up her body - but seeing her now VERY wet and very open pussy was making me very queasy, even sitting down it felt like the room was spinning.

Suggesting your own love for your wife and your feelings of physical attraction for her are very strong....

His fingers now were back inside her pussy and from across the room I could see his fingers were all the way inside her and she seemed to be on the edge of her first orgasm. .... And sure enough - just a moment later I heard Sue began to moan as she does and I saw her arching her back up towards him. One of her own hands was pinching her own nipple as I heard her let out a scream as she had her first orgasm ever from another man in front of me.

That's *very* cool.... you did well, very well, staying with it and watching her experience such intense sexual joy with another man.

As she came down from her orgasm they cuddled and kissed and as they did so I took my coat from the chair by the table and just said "I can't stay - you two have fun, but I need to leave."

That's OK. At the time, that was the right thing for you to do and you did it.

I wasn't even at the door when Sue was in front of me - naked and flushed from Brad - holding me and begging me to tell her I was okay.

That was very nice. Your wife cares about you....

And then I kissed her and just said confidently "You stay and have your fun - seriously, I'm okay but I need to go now to stay okay."

That was very reasonable, rational and straightforward.... much better than, say, rushing out without explanation and slamming the door.

.... I texted her from the lobby though and said "Have fun, I am fine.". And I think as I sent that, it felt okay....

Good work.

Sounds like you were driving on autopilot. I wonder if the fine and perhaps jail sentence (I assume DWI is illegal in N.J.) would have been multiplied by 2, or maybe 5, if a cop had pulled you over and you had confessed that not only were you *****, you couldn't see straight because you had just watched your wife fuck another man for the first time.... (just a hypothetical question, of course....)

I waited up for her .... and [she] said "I love you so much, I'm so sorry that wasn't better for you."

That's OK. The first time you ride (for instance) a roller-coaster, it's scary as hell. It can make you queasy, as well. The second time, it's intense but not quite so scary. After a few times, it's exciting but it no longer seems particularly frightening.... unless one thinks about the reliability of the mechanical structure and their maintenance sked.... but the analogy doesn't really extend to that, I suppose.

She held me tight and told me she loved me. I tried to keep thrusting in her to maybe give her one last orgasm together with me but she just said "It's okay baby, I've cum enough for one night, as long as you're okay, that's all that matters."

It sounds like your wife cares a lot about you; she seems very solid. I have the sense your marriage is solid as well, and is more so as a result of your wife stepping up, stepping out and making you her cuckold.

I'm not sure how I feel right now. I'm still sorting through all my feelings. I feel stupid for leaving like I did....

No, that wasn't stupid. You did what was right for you (hence, best for your wife and her lover) at the time. Regarding Indy Hubby's comments:

Think about how stimulated you felt with each additional step Sue took down this road. You just took another step. You wife took bigger steps than you did. She's farther down the road as exhibited by how she was able to handle both your and Brad's needs.

Here's the decision you now will make. Do [you] want to climb the mountain of sexual intensity or [are you] going to stay at basecamp? Remember, your wife started climbing the mountain at your request. I don't believe she will ever want to go back to basecamp.

I think that was a very good way to put it. I would say he has it right. My own impression is, by watching your wife with her lover as long as you did you've enabled her to begin moving you to the next level as her cuckold. (For some time, my impression was you were more-or-less on a plateau.) Before long, you'll find there will be another opportunity to watch your wife fuck her lover in front of you.... perhaps after a New Year's party.... and you will find you want to stay longer, and will be able to do so.

Thanks again for your erotic, articulate description, and best wishes to both of you.

—Custer

 

[marys_pet]

A marriage is either growing or it's dying. There is no middle ground.

 

[SoonToBe]

Hey all - thanks for the kind words everyone but I have to tell you - I feel like a failure.

Even now as I re-read what I wrote I have this huge hard-on but I'm pissed at myself for not being stronger and trying to stay.

I know what I felt though and I think I left more because it was going to get to me - more than I was going to get annoyed with them.. I actually did feel pretty good at first - I mean I knew what to expect that she'd be naked with him but when he was going to go down on her and I saw her pussy - at that moment all I could think was that "that's my pussy". Seeing Brads fingers in her and my god - hearing her orgasm like that - well, that really did get me horny. But even now i'm questioning whether I can actually watch them fucking. I feel sort of like it's okay aftewards for him to have cum in her but being there for when he does is what I don't think I'm ready for.

We haven't talked much today other than her reassurances that she's okay about what happened and that she wants reasurance that I am too.

Ballspanker - no, they didn't fuck totally bareback, she's not that stupid - I didn't ask but I know her diaphragm was in when she came home afterwards. I think if I wasn't comfortable yet with him going down on her that I would have been climbing the walls if I watched him put it in her.

Maybe the best thing would be if she gets this IUD - then maybe there wouldn't be as much foreplay - I think I could take that much better for a first time - seeing him just flip her skirt up and push her panties out of the way and take her quickly. I think if I had to say now how I'd like to watch her first time, that might be it - just get it over with quickly.

Indy - I don't think we're moving apart as in some ways a part of me wants to experience this with her, maybe just a little less foreplay would make it easier.

More for us to talk about tonight.... In the meanwhile she's taken the diaphragm out and is "cleaning up" now for later.

thanks everyone for your kind words and support

 

[tiedandteased]

think you handled it very well for the first time. she took small steps in the beginning but you are expecting way more of yourself. failure? hardly.
you've (and Sue) gotten through some of the hardest steps already so be glad for that. think positive now.
anyway, you can arrange to be there after the forplay if it bothers you right now. nothing wrong with that. once your through with that then the rest should be easier. there doesn't seem to any "correct" order to being there is there?

 

[grantisaac]

Im glad you took the step of trying to watch. I constantly see my wife do other things to her fucks than what she does to me. You will hear different noises, see different positions. I was like you at the start but now find it much easier by joining in and getting my load off and them leaving them to it. I have walked in on my wife taking it in the ass and yet she wont let me.Have watched her lick her guy clean and fuck him again.
You wife is on a roller coaster so you may as well join in

Cheers
Grant