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Peak (and even Raks!) you know I appreciate the thought and time you put into sharing your thoughts with me. 'nuff said....
For Sandy - other than the one point in my wife's life - after her first divorce - when she was admittedly in a promiscuous-phase (which coincided with and ended with me till now) - she was never one to sleep around and never one, even back in college, to sleep with multiple guys at one time. I did have to laugh at your adaptation to what my wife has said to me only with your view that she shouldn't be limiting herself to this with just one guy. I don't believe what she is looking for is to have multiple guys chasing (and bedding) her, but rather one that she feels she can let herself go completely with. I suppose others like you may have a different viewpoint.
I was pleasantly surprised when Sue approached me suggestively about Saturday night, and as I'll share afterwards, while I was suspect of her motivation, again there was no denying the pleasure that we both enjoyed. Part of my welcome surprise was that we looked at the calendar and we realized we've been off a week and that even after sharing the pleasure of intercourse with her - quite intensely I'll add - this past weekend, that as she said "you'll still have 6 more, or maybe 7, that you'll fill with me baby". But I won't hide it either, that a lot of her teasing and getting me so worked up on Saturday night was with her teasing and taunting me about "only a few more times baby". Yes, I know that I violated a lot of what everyone here suggested and we talked openly as she stroked and sucked at my cock while she made sure I was good and horny. There was no denying that she was getting me turned on as it was obvious to her as even I could feel my cock throb as she'd say different things to me. At one point she giggled that my cock looked even too big for the condoms we had and she taunted me by saying "you may have to skip tonight...... or....." and with a sinister giggle she said "or, maybe you'll just have to pull out at the end....". And when she felt my cock throb once again she added "better be no accidents mister...." in a more stern but still joking voice.
I think she must have felt my focus shift when she moved onto her back and she spread her legs for me. Sometimes the thought of what we're doing, what I'm going to give up, feels like a lot and seeing her lying there beneath me all wet and ready made me so horny and yet kind of off-peak at the same time. She ran a finger up and spread herself open letting me see how pink and wet she was inside - something about seeing her most private of places and yet knowing that Paul readily enjoys it too had me getting harder again as I stroked a little bit. She looked up at me and said "come on honey, it's all ready for you...." and then she added "come on baby, I need you now, I'm horny too!" and she started to rub at her little nub with one hands fingers while one, then two and then a third finger from the other hand opened up her pussy".
I was genuinely worried for a moment there when I reached over to the night stand and took a condom out of the box and began to open it. She lay there with this dreamy look on her face as her finger kept her pussy wet and at the ready. And yes, as I've now long posted - my cock was totally hard as she tipped her head up and smiled as she watched me roll the condom on. She giggled and said "I was only joking with you baby" when she saw me take a deep breath and a moment later she pulled her knees back and said "come on baby, this is for you tonight".
As I shared with her during our conversation yesterday, I seemed to be very almost acutely aware of how she felt on Saturday night. Even with the condom, something felt different - maybe she was wetter - or maybe it was just in my head - not sure. Maybe it was the man-scaping I did but when pushed all the way into her, I swore I could feel her pussy lips against the base of my cock below the edge of the condom. Pulling back, I don't know how I overlooked feeling this in the past, but I could feel how hot her pussy was inside when I'd push in and then when I'd pull back. I admit that I did feel a tiny bit of cuckold angst that - to be honest - felt friggin' wonderful - when I let myself focus on not feeling her bare and knowing I truly may not, perhaps ever, get to feel that again. She moaned as I was lost in thought and it obviously had made my cock swell even more because she moaned deeply when I pushed all the way into her and - even she admitted that she had tried to fight it off - but could do nothing other than be consumed by an orgasm that left her gushing wet beneath me and lying virtually limp. She moaned about how she felt like she kept cumming and she thrashed about beneath me - the whole time it felt like I was slipping and sliding around inside her like crazy and each time I'd pull out or push in she'd squeal even louder. Her pussy gushed - and went from squishing noises to genuine queefing sounds when another wave of that continuous orgasm would sweep over her.
She admitted on Sunday when we were talking that not seeing Paul had left her quite horny and she seemed sheephish about how she'd cum with me like that. More about that too - but I will say that she shared that she's orgasmed like that with him.
As she gushed away - yes - I had a billion thoughts in my head - but the obvious one was how she felt and again to how I wasn't going to get to feel this - and yes - it turned me on. I am a cuckold - and yes - it turned me on to think of how she felt at that moment and to know that Paul would soon be the only one to enjoy it. She was too delirious to do anything other than thrash and moan beneath me. I was really getting into it and enjoying just how deep and open she was when the thoughts of her being wet and open like that from being with Paul filled my head and just a moment later even her eyes opened when she felt me thrust into her and, finally, let go of what I needed. I grunted deeply and thrust sharply and deeply into her which made her squeal and throw her legs back (which I later realized was to get my cock to rub her g-spot) and as I thrust until I was soft she would thrust herself up at me each time and enjoy one last crest of an orgasm before my soft cock slithered out of her and she lay there - this time, her not being able to catch her breath.
I'll end our Saturday night by saying that this time I slid the condom off myself and tied it off. I did leave it for her on the bed when I went to get her a warm washcloth. When I came back after cleaning myself up a little bit she was up on her elbows and again holding and playing with the filled condom. She handed it to me when she took the washcloth and she said again to me "that's a lot from you baby..... its soooo warm tooo".
For Sandy - other than the one point in my wife's life - after her first divorce - when she was admittedly in a promiscuous-phase (which coincided with and ended with me till now) - she was never one to sleep around and never one, even back in college, to sleep with multiple guys at one time. I did have to laugh at your adaptation to what my wife has said to me only with your view that she shouldn't be limiting herself to this with just one guy. I don't believe what she is looking for is to have multiple guys chasing (and bedding) her, but rather one that she feels she can let herself go completely with. I suppose others like you may have a different viewpoint.
I was pleasantly surprised when Sue approached me suggestively about Saturday night, and as I'll share afterwards, while I was suspect of her motivation, again there was no denying the pleasure that we both enjoyed. Part of my welcome surprise was that we looked at the calendar and we realized we've been off a week and that even after sharing the pleasure of intercourse with her - quite intensely I'll add - this past weekend, that as she said "you'll still have 6 more, or maybe 7, that you'll fill with me baby". But I won't hide it either, that a lot of her teasing and getting me so worked up on Saturday night was with her teasing and taunting me about "only a few more times baby". Yes, I know that I violated a lot of what everyone here suggested and we talked openly as she stroked and sucked at my cock while she made sure I was good and horny. There was no denying that she was getting me turned on as it was obvious to her as even I could feel my cock throb as she'd say different things to me. At one point she giggled that my cock looked even too big for the condoms we had and she taunted me by saying "you may have to skip tonight...... or....." and with a sinister giggle she said "or, maybe you'll just have to pull out at the end....". And when she felt my cock throb once again she added "better be no accidents mister...." in a more stern but still joking voice.
I think she must have felt my focus shift when she moved onto her back and she spread her legs for me. Sometimes the thought of what we're doing, what I'm going to give up, feels like a lot and seeing her lying there beneath me all wet and ready made me so horny and yet kind of off-peak at the same time. She ran a finger up and spread herself open letting me see how pink and wet she was inside - something about seeing her most private of places and yet knowing that Paul readily enjoys it too had me getting harder again as I stroked a little bit. She looked up at me and said "come on honey, it's all ready for you...." and then she added "come on baby, I need you now, I'm horny too!" and she started to rub at her little nub with one hands fingers while one, then two and then a third finger from the other hand opened up her pussy".
I was genuinely worried for a moment there when I reached over to the night stand and took a condom out of the box and began to open it. She lay there with this dreamy look on her face as her finger kept her pussy wet and at the ready. And yes, as I've now long posted - my cock was totally hard as she tipped her head up and smiled as she watched me roll the condom on. She giggled and said "I was only joking with you baby" when she saw me take a deep breath and a moment later she pulled her knees back and said "come on baby, this is for you tonight".
As I shared with her during our conversation yesterday, I seemed to be very almost acutely aware of how she felt on Saturday night. Even with the condom, something felt different - maybe she was wetter - or maybe it was just in my head - not sure. Maybe it was the man-scaping I did but when pushed all the way into her, I swore I could feel her pussy lips against the base of my cock below the edge of the condom. Pulling back, I don't know how I overlooked feeling this in the past, but I could feel how hot her pussy was inside when I'd push in and then when I'd pull back. I admit that I did feel a tiny bit of cuckold angst that - to be honest - felt friggin' wonderful - when I let myself focus on not feeling her bare and knowing I truly may not, perhaps ever, get to feel that again. She moaned as I was lost in thought and it obviously had made my cock swell even more because she moaned deeply when I pushed all the way into her and - even she admitted that she had tried to fight it off - but could do nothing other than be consumed by an orgasm that left her gushing wet beneath me and lying virtually limp. She moaned about how she felt like she kept cumming and she thrashed about beneath me - the whole time it felt like I was slipping and sliding around inside her like crazy and each time I'd pull out or push in she'd squeal even louder. Her pussy gushed - and went from squishing noises to genuine queefing sounds when another wave of that continuous orgasm would sweep over her.
She admitted on Sunday when we were talking that not seeing Paul had left her quite horny and she seemed sheephish about how she'd cum with me like that. More about that too - but I will say that she shared that she's orgasmed like that with him.
As she gushed away - yes - I had a billion thoughts in my head - but the obvious one was how she felt and again to how I wasn't going to get to feel this - and yes - it turned me on. I am a cuckold - and yes - it turned me on to think of how she felt at that moment and to know that Paul would soon be the only one to enjoy it. She was too delirious to do anything other than thrash and moan beneath me. I was really getting into it and enjoying just how deep and open she was when the thoughts of her being wet and open like that from being with Paul filled my head and just a moment later even her eyes opened when she felt me thrust into her and, finally, let go of what I needed. I grunted deeply and thrust sharply and deeply into her which made her squeal and throw her legs back (which I later realized was to get my cock to rub her g-spot) and as I thrust until I was soft she would thrust herself up at me each time and enjoy one last crest of an orgasm before my soft cock slithered out of her and she lay there - this time, her not being able to catch her breath.
I'll end our Saturday night by saying that this time I slid the condom off myself and tied it off. I did leave it for her on the bed when I went to get her a warm washcloth. When I came back after cleaning myself up a little bit she was up on her elbows and again holding and playing with the filled condom. She handed it to me when she took the washcloth and she said again to me "that's a lot from you baby..... its soooo warm tooo".
So - as I was sharing - I was very aware of how Sue felt physically when we were fucking. Maybe I changed my motion a bit in response to that - to feel her more - and maybe that's why she responded like she did. Not sure, but I she did share with me, as I'll now try to recap, yesterday that she cums like that with Paul and when I asked her how often it happened she just said "more frequently recently" which she also said was something that she felt was behind her desires.
But before I get into all of that, let me set a bit more of the scene from yesterday afternoon - our daughter had gone off to some local carnival with her boyfriend and Sue and I were sitting on the front porch enjoying a slight breeze on an otherwise hot day. We were each enjoying one of those 'hard lemonade' drinks in the heat and as we sat there she turned to me and said "can we talk for a bit?". So - for everyone who has said we needed to talk when we're not in bed and not ***** - yesterday was it.
She started out by asking me "are you sorry we started all of this?". I looked at her and asked why she'd asked that. She said that she wanted to know if, now that things are "getting closer" whether I was having any misgivings. I looked at her and I said that our fun the night before had made it hard to be objective as she was incredible. She blushed and that was when she told me that she cums like that with him and she asked me how that made me feel. I told her what I'd always told her, that it turned me on and made me jealous and envious of Paul. She asked me to tell her more and I tried to find the right words - but I told her that it made me incredibly horny that he could make her feel that way and that it turned me on that he got to feel her as he made her orgasm like that. I told her what I'd already said here - that I was very aware of how she felt physically on Saturday and that I liked thinking and knowing that Paul would feel her the same way "only he gets to feel me bare" was her response. I looked at her and I told her that I loved her and that sometimes it still embarassed me in a way to think about what turned me on.
We talked and she asked me what I was so concerned about and I told her that for guys there's a physical aspect to sex as well as a mental aspect to it. She giggled and said "is this just about you getting to cum inside me baby? is that what it's about?" and she pulled back and she said "it is just that you need to feel that to cum really good?" and she asked "is it not okay on Wednesdays when you always tell me it's really good? is it really not as good as fucking me when you cum?.
It was a bit odd to be talking so openly and explicitly with her outside the bedroom - but as I said, I immediately went to thoughts shared here that we need to have talks like thsee so I went along with it and after taking a big breath - I answered her. I told her it was different. She looked at me and told me to tell her. So I did. I told her that when we're fucking, that it's a different feeling for a guy, that when a guy masturbates, he has to get his mind in the game and then has to sort of get his hand to match where his brain is. I told her that the same goes for watching videos or reading stories - that when a guy masturbates, he has to get his hand and brain in sync. I told her that's sometimes why I get into a trancelike state or hearing her talking to me helps to have something to focus onto - or when I'm at the computer - that it takes a bit of focus or the right stimulation to help things along. I guess I was a bit red in the face when I said "but being inside you is very different" and I told her how there were so many other things to stimulate and focus on and that "feeling your pussy with my cock is just amazing".
More in a bit.
But before I get into all of that, let me set a bit more of the scene from yesterday afternoon - our daughter had gone off to some local carnival with her boyfriend and Sue and I were sitting on the front porch enjoying a slight breeze on an otherwise hot day. We were each enjoying one of those 'hard lemonade' drinks in the heat and as we sat there she turned to me and said "can we talk for a bit?". So - for everyone who has said we needed to talk when we're not in bed and not ***** - yesterday was it.
She started out by asking me "are you sorry we started all of this?". I looked at her and asked why she'd asked that. She said that she wanted to know if, now that things are "getting closer" whether I was having any misgivings. I looked at her and I said that our fun the night before had made it hard to be objective as she was incredible. She blushed and that was when she told me that she cums like that with him and she asked me how that made me feel. I told her what I'd always told her, that it turned me on and made me jealous and envious of Paul. She asked me to tell her more and I tried to find the right words - but I told her that it made me incredibly horny that he could make her feel that way and that it turned me on that he got to feel her as he made her orgasm like that. I told her what I'd already said here - that I was very aware of how she felt physically on Saturday and that I liked thinking and knowing that Paul would feel her the same way "only he gets to feel me bare" was her response. I looked at her and I told her that I loved her and that sometimes it still embarassed me in a way to think about what turned me on.
We talked and she asked me what I was so concerned about and I told her that for guys there's a physical aspect to sex as well as a mental aspect to it. She giggled and said "is this just about you getting to cum inside me baby? is that what it's about?" and she pulled back and she said "it is just that you need to feel that to cum really good?" and she asked "is it not okay on Wednesdays when you always tell me it's really good? is it really not as good as fucking me when you cum?.
It was a bit odd to be talking so openly and explicitly with her outside the bedroom - but as I said, I immediately went to thoughts shared here that we need to have talks like thsee so I went along with it and after taking a big breath - I answered her. I told her it was different. She looked at me and told me to tell her. So I did. I told her that when we're fucking, that it's a different feeling for a guy, that when a guy masturbates, he has to get his mind in the game and then has to sort of get his hand to match where his brain is. I told her that the same goes for watching videos or reading stories - that when a guy masturbates, he has to get his hand and brain in sync. I told her that's sometimes why I get into a trancelike state or hearing her talking to me helps to have something to focus onto - or when I'm at the computer - that it takes a bit of focus or the right stimulation to help things along. I guess I was a bit red in the face when I said "but being inside you is very different" and I told her how there were so many other things to stimulate and focus on and that "feeling your pussy with my cock is just amazing".
More in a bit.
Well, after sharing some of how a guy feels during sex and how different it feels to let loose just thrusting into her pussy than it does using my hand she said she understood and asked me if that was really something that I felt I needed to and she said she "sort of understands" how I could need that sort of release and she asked me if I was going to be okay "doing without it for a while" and I told her what I'd said already - that thought scared me but now that she was saying it was "for a while" instead of "for the future" that I thought I was going to be better about it. She smiled and said to me that we will just have to figure out how long "a while is" and she looked at me and said "is that all you are worried about baby, cumming inside me?". I had to tell her no.
She told me she will always love me and that she feels this is really just a phase she's going through and giggled that maybe it's her "midlife crisis". I joked back and said that for "most wives, just having a boyfriend" would be enough. She looked at me and said that this wasn't easy for her either and she said that she knows it's asking a lot - but then she added - "but baby, isn't this what you said you wanted?" and she proceeded to tell me that she still didn't fully understand why if this is what I wanted - why I felt reluctance to try it out.
I told her that we weren't just picking a color to paint a room and I looked at her and said "you can't lie to me and tell me that there's not a chance that once this gets started, that it's going to be hard to stop or control....". Before she could say anything more I said a lot of what people here have been encouraging me to say. I told her that in the past she's let things get out of control such that they wound up hurting me or making me feel bad instead of good. I told her that sometimes it was because of things that I think are more stable between us now such as my no longer needing to feel a physical reconnection with her all the time and that would help, but I laid it on her when I said "but you need to make sure you are aware of me - not just him".
I think she almost had a tear in her eye as I said it to her. She took a deep breath and I kept on talking I told her that I loved her and that I wanted to support her in all of this but that she needed to recognize that there are some things I seem to need that even I don't know I do at times and I told her that in the past that had been what hurt the most, when she'd said or even promised me some time with her - perhaps not even sex together just time together - and that when it didn't happen, whether she wanted to see him again before being with me, etc., or whatever.
I have to admit - it did feel good to lay it all out there - finally. She was still taking deep breaths and now there was surely a tear in her eye as she continued to listen. I did tell her though that when it was working good between us, that it ALL felt good to me. That did make her smile. She leaned out and hugged me and then asked me if I still had more to tell her. I answered that I thought I'd said the important stuff and that if we tended to the big stuff, that I smiled back at her and said "all the rest usually just works for us baby".
Ugh - phone call / problem from work is going to take up the rest of my afternoon. I'll try to post more in a bit.
She told me she will always love me and that she feels this is really just a phase she's going through and giggled that maybe it's her "midlife crisis". I joked back and said that for "most wives, just having a boyfriend" would be enough. She looked at me and said that this wasn't easy for her either and she said that she knows it's asking a lot - but then she added - "but baby, isn't this what you said you wanted?" and she proceeded to tell me that she still didn't fully understand why if this is what I wanted - why I felt reluctance to try it out.
I told her that we weren't just picking a color to paint a room and I looked at her and said "you can't lie to me and tell me that there's not a chance that once this gets started, that it's going to be hard to stop or control....". Before she could say anything more I said a lot of what people here have been encouraging me to say. I told her that in the past she's let things get out of control such that they wound up hurting me or making me feel bad instead of good. I told her that sometimes it was because of things that I think are more stable between us now such as my no longer needing to feel a physical reconnection with her all the time and that would help, but I laid it on her when I said "but you need to make sure you are aware of me - not just him".
I think she almost had a tear in her eye as I said it to her. She took a deep breath and I kept on talking I told her that I loved her and that I wanted to support her in all of this but that she needed to recognize that there are some things I seem to need that even I don't know I do at times and I told her that in the past that had been what hurt the most, when she'd said or even promised me some time with her - perhaps not even sex together just time together - and that when it didn't happen, whether she wanted to see him again before being with me, etc., or whatever.
I have to admit - it did feel good to lay it all out there - finally. She was still taking deep breaths and now there was surely a tear in her eye as she continued to listen. I did tell her though that when it was working good between us, that it ALL felt good to me. That did make her smile. She leaned out and hugged me and then asked me if I still had more to tell her. I answered that I thought I'd said the important stuff and that if we tended to the big stuff, that I smiled back at her and said "all the rest usually just works for us baby".
Ugh - phone call / problem from work is going to take up the rest of my afternoon. I'll try to post more in a bit.
Steve,
While waiting for your final piece on the weekend, one question. Is Sue still in contact with her group of online advisors? She just seems to have an uncanny knack of teasing out concerns expressed here by all shades of opinion and then addressing them. It's as if her advisors were reading here too.
While waiting for your final piece on the weekend, one question. Is Sue still in contact with her group of online advisors? She just seems to have an uncanny knack of teasing out concerns expressed here by all shades of opinion and then addressing them. It's as if her advisors were reading here too.
Dutch,
I doubt it. Steve has reported several times in the past that Sue has said she is aware he writes but that she respects his privacy on this site and doesn't read here herself. However there are only a few popular cuckold sites so it is inevitable that any cuckold advisors she has would be aware of this site. They probably have enough knowledge of Sue in real life to make the connection to Steve's threads. It would certainly make it easier to offer discrete advice. Just depends whether Sue is still in contact in any way.
I doubt it. Steve has reported several times in the past that Sue has said she is aware he writes but that she respects his privacy on this site and doesn't read here herself. However there are only a few popular cuckold sites so it is inevitable that any cuckold advisors she has would be aware of this site. They probably have enough knowledge of Sue in real life to make the connection to Steve's threads. It would certainly make it easier to offer discrete advice. Just depends whether Sue is still in contact in any way.
We are still waiting for the 4th part of their "pants-on" talks. Don't tease the man before you read the results of their conversation. Maybe Sue agrees outercourse, of course with a condom, she doesn't want his cock IN her after Labor Day.
Looks hot: http://cuckoldmarriage.info/2011/09/outercourse/
Looks hot: http://cuckoldmarriage.info/2011/09/outercourse/
Well, I am not going to try to continue to recall all of the conversation from the weekend as it has now all sort of merged together with last night's time with her.
But for everyone, to keep everyone up to date, she is taking off this afternoon and going to spend it and likely early this evening with him. She already announced yesterday during dinner with our daughter that she won't be home for dinner tonight. I knew it was coming but still got me hard to hear her share this at dinner last night. We talked more last night and she said she was very happy that I was okay with her plans and that she liked being able to share with me and tell me that she wanted to be with him and that I was okay with that.
I guess that's part of what we talked about that i may not have gotten to from our "pants on" talk over the weekend. Part of our talks kept coming back to her telling me that she feels that I'm still holding back in some way or that I am still stuck on some kind of weird thoughts about everything. She spent a bit of time reassuring me that I shouldn't be thinking that she's thinking anything weird like I'm less of a man because I am aroused by these sorts of things. She also told me again how she is hoping that the way she's explaining things to Paul makes me more comfortable because he has no such thoughts of me being emasculated or humiliated, she actually told me that he thinks I'm pretty generous (which she glowed and said "you are") in letting her enjoy all of this and being okay with it, or at least as okay as he can be.
We got into how I was thinking and what I was feeling and she continued to tell me that "it's okay if you enjoy this baby" and it took a while but I did tell her that I wished I could get past some of these thoughts and I think I may have said back to her what she's said to me, that I wished I could relax about it more. I know we talked pretty openly and at times answered her that it did turn me on to see her with Paul and at one point I told her that it really did turn me on and when she asked me what I liked seeing or knowing I told her that it made me feel awkward with her to tell her that I liked seeing her with him and that I liked seeing them having sex together. She told me that she liked it when she knew it turned me on and that it was a lot of what had "helped her" as she came to understand herself and that she wanted me to be able to feel the same way and she again tried to tell me that its okay if this stuff turns me on and that she wanted me to be able to express it more with her and not feel so self conscious. As we talked I told her some of what I've long posted her about my feeling awkward and self-conscious and un-manly at times and how I felt it was still part of the "alpha" stuff. She smiled at me and asked me what I felt and what I wanted as a "beta" and she said to me "remember what you told me at first, what you wanted?" I told her that I did and she looked at me and said "do you still want that?" and she said that if I did, that I should tell her again. She said I should just say what I was thinking and that I shouldn't worry about what she'll think or how she'll react and that "I know what turns you on baby and it's okay, it's not going to change it hearing you say it".
I know that it really struck me what she'd said. I don't know if I can really get past it all but I know that over the weekend when we talked that it seemed easier. It wasn't all one sided as I will try to relate, but I did start it and I told her that I felt strangely but very powerfully turned on by being the "beta" for her. I told her how it wasn't easy for me to accept but that now that it's been this long, that I know it's true. She encouraged me to tell her more and as I said, at the time, it seemed easier to do so. I can't remember the exact words but I told her that at times I felt it hard to reconcile how it turned me on to be denied with her and yet still want to feel close and even sexually satisfied with her. She looked at me and asked me if that's why the condoms seem to turn me on so much. I told her honestly that it turned me on to not be cumming in her and she giggled and smiled and said "even if that turns me on too?" and I told her that's the conflict I feel, that it just feels weird to me to be excited by it, but that I am. She held my hand and she said to me that it's okay. As we talked more she encouraged me to just tell her what turns me on. Eventually I did open up and we looped back to the "beta" thing.
I told her that I felt very aroused by her sharing her sexuality with Paul and only affording me the ability to watch and know about but not really be a part of. I told her that I liked it when they were both here and I could enjoy them being together and know that was what I was enjoying and what I wanted to enjoy and I told her what I'd said here too - that I think I finally conquered the feeling or need to reclaim her after she'd been with Paul and instead, I told her that I liked knowing she'd been with him and that she was enjoying how it felt. We talked about denial and I was honest with her and I told her that I was incredibly aroused that she and Paul are as intimate as they are and that it turned me on that Paul truly knows her body as well or better than maybe I do. I remember she giggled and said that she liked how she felt with Paul and liked that it didn't threaten me.
Some of this came up again last night so it's a bit refreshed. But that will have to wait until after lunch and afternoon meetings.
But for everyone, to keep everyone up to date, she is taking off this afternoon and going to spend it and likely early this evening with him. She already announced yesterday during dinner with our daughter that she won't be home for dinner tonight. I knew it was coming but still got me hard to hear her share this at dinner last night. We talked more last night and she said she was very happy that I was okay with her plans and that she liked being able to share with me and tell me that she wanted to be with him and that I was okay with that.
I guess that's part of what we talked about that i may not have gotten to from our "pants on" talk over the weekend. Part of our talks kept coming back to her telling me that she feels that I'm still holding back in some way or that I am still stuck on some kind of weird thoughts about everything. She spent a bit of time reassuring me that I shouldn't be thinking that she's thinking anything weird like I'm less of a man because I am aroused by these sorts of things. She also told me again how she is hoping that the way she's explaining things to Paul makes me more comfortable because he has no such thoughts of me being emasculated or humiliated, she actually told me that he thinks I'm pretty generous (which she glowed and said "you are") in letting her enjoy all of this and being okay with it, or at least as okay as he can be.
We got into how I was thinking and what I was feeling and she continued to tell me that "it's okay if you enjoy this baby" and it took a while but I did tell her that I wished I could get past some of these thoughts and I think I may have said back to her what she's said to me, that I wished I could relax about it more. I know we talked pretty openly and at times answered her that it did turn me on to see her with Paul and at one point I told her that it really did turn me on and when she asked me what I liked seeing or knowing I told her that it made me feel awkward with her to tell her that I liked seeing her with him and that I liked seeing them having sex together. She told me that she liked it when she knew it turned me on and that it was a lot of what had "helped her" as she came to understand herself and that she wanted me to be able to feel the same way and she again tried to tell me that its okay if this stuff turns me on and that she wanted me to be able to express it more with her and not feel so self conscious. As we talked I told her some of what I've long posted her about my feeling awkward and self-conscious and un-manly at times and how I felt it was still part of the "alpha" stuff. She smiled at me and asked me what I felt and what I wanted as a "beta" and she said to me "remember what you told me at first, what you wanted?" I told her that I did and she looked at me and said "do you still want that?" and she said that if I did, that I should tell her again. She said I should just say what I was thinking and that I shouldn't worry about what she'll think or how she'll react and that "I know what turns you on baby and it's okay, it's not going to change it hearing you say it".
I know that it really struck me what she'd said. I don't know if I can really get past it all but I know that over the weekend when we talked that it seemed easier. It wasn't all one sided as I will try to relate, but I did start it and I told her that I felt strangely but very powerfully turned on by being the "beta" for her. I told her how it wasn't easy for me to accept but that now that it's been this long, that I know it's true. She encouraged me to tell her more and as I said, at the time, it seemed easier to do so. I can't remember the exact words but I told her that at times I felt it hard to reconcile how it turned me on to be denied with her and yet still want to feel close and even sexually satisfied with her. She looked at me and asked me if that's why the condoms seem to turn me on so much. I told her honestly that it turned me on to not be cumming in her and she giggled and smiled and said "even if that turns me on too?" and I told her that's the conflict I feel, that it just feels weird to me to be excited by it, but that I am. She held my hand and she said to me that it's okay. As we talked more she encouraged me to just tell her what turns me on. Eventually I did open up and we looped back to the "beta" thing.
I told her that I felt very aroused by her sharing her sexuality with Paul and only affording me the ability to watch and know about but not really be a part of. I told her that I liked it when they were both here and I could enjoy them being together and know that was what I was enjoying and what I wanted to enjoy and I told her what I'd said here too - that I think I finally conquered the feeling or need to reclaim her after she'd been with Paul and instead, I told her that I liked knowing she'd been with him and that she was enjoying how it felt. We talked about denial and I was honest with her and I told her that I was incredibly aroused that she and Paul are as intimate as they are and that it turned me on that Paul truly knows her body as well or better than maybe I do. I remember she giggled and said that she liked how she felt with Paul and liked that it didn't threaten me.
Some of this came up again last night so it's a bit refreshed. But that will have to wait until after lunch and afternoon meetings.
LOL - to answer the questions posed here. I doubt the fleshlight thing would appeal to her and I have to say, I'd feel quite odd using it even if it felt wonderful. Regarding outercourse, I am familiar with that website and familiar with this as an alternate sexually. It really just is what we used to call dry-humping when I was a teenager - usually done through underwear/panties - but if you were lucky enough to get to feel it bare it was an honor, it was usually followed up by a hand-job or if you were really lucky, a quick blow-job.
But back to where I was before lunch.
Now everything didn't go totally smoothly. I will surely admit she is a skilled manipulator because while she didn't so much as use what I'd said against me, she did use it to support what she wanted and what she thought she was going to want to do with Paul vs where I felt that perhaps that was something hard to think about for me. Before I blindly went along and agreed with things, I again brought up both some kinds of limits/checkpoints (Peak - yes, easier to remember when not engrossed in horniness) as well as asking her how she felt about when something may have pushed me beyond my comfort point. We started by me telling her what I'd felt from when I'd talked with Paul about his longer-term plans that I told her I thought involved her for longer than she'd said she would be wanting things to be "escalated" with him. She was surprised that I'd talked with him (I'd thought she'd maybe heard us talking that time) and when I asked her how I should reconcile both things she was quite calm and said that she didn't want this exclusivity with Paul to be a permanent long-term thing but at the same time, ending it she said didn't mean she was going to stop sleeping with him. And she giggled and said that "as long as it's good with him" that she was going to want to have sex with him. As we talked she said that "what I want isn't going to be forever" and as we talked she said that she wanted to feel that euphoric feeling she already can feel sometimes, she wants to feel anxious and eager for it with him and she wants to feel that she can let herself go and not have to worry about me sexually. We continued to talk and when I pushed her for how long she was thinking she was going to want this exclusivity to go on for, she said that she thought it would be at least a few months.
And yes, that is where we began to go from amorous and easy feeling to a bit more tense when I asked her and what's the other end of the range. She looked at me and she said that she honestly didn't know and she said that she hasn't thought it all the way through but that sometimes she thought of it going on into next year even. I told her that I wasn't sure that I was going to be okay with it for that long and she asked me if I knew that for sure and I said no - and I remember she immediately said that she didn't know for sure either. She looked at me and asked me if it scared me to let her start to do this with Paul and I told her no, that I wasn't scared to start but that I was scared/hesitant about it getting out of control or being something she wanted and maybe I did not? We had a bit of the back-and-forth about "what did you want as a beta?" and then "isn't this what you wanted to try then?". I did agree with her but again came back to what if it's something that isn't working for me.
I won't go into what I recall of all the details of the conversation that followed but she was very conciliatory to me especially in light of what we'd already talked about regarding how I felt physically and mentally and how I thought our plan of a monthly time to talk openly was a good thing - and yes - I added in that I thought us having sex periodically was also important for me and us. She giggled and said she understood the physical need I felt and said she appreciated the need to feel and share an orgasm with and in her and she admitted that she felt the same thing and she said she hoped I was okay with her also wanting and enjoying that feeling with Paul the rest of the time. We talked more and again about physical needs vs. mental and emotional needs and she asked me again if it really was that I had to "cum inside me" or that it was more that I needed to feel fulfilled and satisfied in that same way? I had to tell her that I doubted that anything - well maybe short of her sucking me to completion - would feel nearly as good. She smiled and said she understood and even said that she "needed a cock more than my own fingers sometimes". We didn't necessarily come to any conclusions and I told her that was what led me to feeling anxious that I felt that I needed to have some sort of more clear understanding of the future. She agreed that she thought this would be good but she immediately told me that she didn't know herself how it was going to work and that's why she said that she still definitely wanted us to talk, as we'd agreed, every month or so and she looked at me and said "we are still going to have sex baby, just... well... less frequently than now" and she proceeded to say that every 2 months was what she was thinking and had thought that we had even agreed to. I told her yes but it scared me to now know more about what to expect in the future. She hugged me and I recall that we both felt it was important and that she again repeated how she wanted this to be good for me.
So that only partially addressed my issues. I told her that I thought this would be okay in terms of timing and I agreed with her that we would likley continue to refine what we both wanted as time went by. But before closing it out - hey - we were on a roll - so I felt empowered to ask all that was on my mind. So I asked her pretty much straight out - what happens when what she wants to do with him is too much for me - and yes for everyone - I mentioned "am I going to be seeing more naked-tag". She blushed at that and then said that she hoped what she'd do with Paul wouldn't be too much for me and then asked me if it had really bothered me what I saw or whether it was more the surprise of it, or was it something else. Before I answered she asked me if it were any different than when they'd been together at other times other than that he had chased her around the house vs just staying in our room and she then asked me "should I not tell you that we play around like that when I'm at his place?". As I started to answer her that it seemed like it was more the "in your face" aspect of him chasing her and her seeming to deliberately run around in front of me, that I thought that was perhaps a bit more than I'd wanted. And I told her that I knew very well how intimate they are, and that it was more the flaunting of it that I thought bothered me. She smiled and I remember her asking me this exact question "so if he and I got a little 'involved' while we were downstairs in the den, that it would be okay?". And then she asked me "is that something you'd want to see as the 'beta' like you said?". I looked at her and asked her if she was saying she understood the difference and that I would be better with the latter than "him chasing you around". She giggled and said "I know, I'll say it again, I know that was a lot for you" and she then added something to the effect of she would keep that from me and asked that would be better, or be okay? I told her honestly that I supposed it had turned me on in a way but that it also to me represented a bit more than I really wanted to be aware of between them. She smiled and said that she would be sure to be mindful of that and then said that she liked that she could understand how I felt about it and that she would be sure to be aware if circumstances like that were happening.
We talked about more but I'm not sure that I have time or energy right now to try to recall everything we'd talked about. But in the end I think we found ourselves a bit more connected to each other and a lot more aware of each other's needs and wants.
But back to where I was before lunch.
Now everything didn't go totally smoothly. I will surely admit she is a skilled manipulator because while she didn't so much as use what I'd said against me, she did use it to support what she wanted and what she thought she was going to want to do with Paul vs where I felt that perhaps that was something hard to think about for me. Before I blindly went along and agreed with things, I again brought up both some kinds of limits/checkpoints (Peak - yes, easier to remember when not engrossed in horniness) as well as asking her how she felt about when something may have pushed me beyond my comfort point. We started by me telling her what I'd felt from when I'd talked with Paul about his longer-term plans that I told her I thought involved her for longer than she'd said she would be wanting things to be "escalated" with him. She was surprised that I'd talked with him (I'd thought she'd maybe heard us talking that time) and when I asked her how I should reconcile both things she was quite calm and said that she didn't want this exclusivity with Paul to be a permanent long-term thing but at the same time, ending it she said didn't mean she was going to stop sleeping with him. And she giggled and said that "as long as it's good with him" that she was going to want to have sex with him. As we talked she said that "what I want isn't going to be forever" and as we talked she said that she wanted to feel that euphoric feeling she already can feel sometimes, she wants to feel anxious and eager for it with him and she wants to feel that she can let herself go and not have to worry about me sexually. We continued to talk and when I pushed her for how long she was thinking she was going to want this exclusivity to go on for, she said that she thought it would be at least a few months.
And yes, that is where we began to go from amorous and easy feeling to a bit more tense when I asked her and what's the other end of the range. She looked at me and she said that she honestly didn't know and she said that she hasn't thought it all the way through but that sometimes she thought of it going on into next year even. I told her that I wasn't sure that I was going to be okay with it for that long and she asked me if I knew that for sure and I said no - and I remember she immediately said that she didn't know for sure either. She looked at me and asked me if it scared me to let her start to do this with Paul and I told her no, that I wasn't scared to start but that I was scared/hesitant about it getting out of control or being something she wanted and maybe I did not? We had a bit of the back-and-forth about "what did you want as a beta?" and then "isn't this what you wanted to try then?". I did agree with her but again came back to what if it's something that isn't working for me.
I won't go into what I recall of all the details of the conversation that followed but she was very conciliatory to me especially in light of what we'd already talked about regarding how I felt physically and mentally and how I thought our plan of a monthly time to talk openly was a good thing - and yes - I added in that I thought us having sex periodically was also important for me and us. She giggled and said she understood the physical need I felt and said she appreciated the need to feel and share an orgasm with and in her and she admitted that she felt the same thing and she said she hoped I was okay with her also wanting and enjoying that feeling with Paul the rest of the time. We talked more and again about physical needs vs. mental and emotional needs and she asked me again if it really was that I had to "cum inside me" or that it was more that I needed to feel fulfilled and satisfied in that same way? I had to tell her that I doubted that anything - well maybe short of her sucking me to completion - would feel nearly as good. She smiled and said she understood and even said that she "needed a cock more than my own fingers sometimes". We didn't necessarily come to any conclusions and I told her that was what led me to feeling anxious that I felt that I needed to have some sort of more clear understanding of the future. She agreed that she thought this would be good but she immediately told me that she didn't know herself how it was going to work and that's why she said that she still definitely wanted us to talk, as we'd agreed, every month or so and she looked at me and said "we are still going to have sex baby, just... well... less frequently than now" and she proceeded to say that every 2 months was what she was thinking and had thought that we had even agreed to. I told her yes but it scared me to now know more about what to expect in the future. She hugged me and I recall that we both felt it was important and that she again repeated how she wanted this to be good for me.
So that only partially addressed my issues. I told her that I thought this would be okay in terms of timing and I agreed with her that we would likley continue to refine what we both wanted as time went by. But before closing it out - hey - we were on a roll - so I felt empowered to ask all that was on my mind. So I asked her pretty much straight out - what happens when what she wants to do with him is too much for me - and yes for everyone - I mentioned "am I going to be seeing more naked-tag". She blushed at that and then said that she hoped what she'd do with Paul wouldn't be too much for me and then asked me if it had really bothered me what I saw or whether it was more the surprise of it, or was it something else. Before I answered she asked me if it were any different than when they'd been together at other times other than that he had chased her around the house vs just staying in our room and she then asked me "should I not tell you that we play around like that when I'm at his place?". As I started to answer her that it seemed like it was more the "in your face" aspect of him chasing her and her seeming to deliberately run around in front of me, that I thought that was perhaps a bit more than I'd wanted. And I told her that I knew very well how intimate they are, and that it was more the flaunting of it that I thought bothered me. She smiled and I remember her asking me this exact question "so if he and I got a little 'involved' while we were downstairs in the den, that it would be okay?". And then she asked me "is that something you'd want to see as the 'beta' like you said?". I looked at her and asked her if she was saying she understood the difference and that I would be better with the latter than "him chasing you around". She giggled and said "I know, I'll say it again, I know that was a lot for you" and she then added something to the effect of she would keep that from me and asked that would be better, or be okay? I told her honestly that I supposed it had turned me on in a way but that it also to me represented a bit more than I really wanted to be aware of between them. She smiled and said that she would be sure to be mindful of that and then said that she liked that she could understand how I felt about it and that she would be sure to be aware if circumstances like that were happening.
We talked about more but I'm not sure that I have time or energy right now to try to recall everything we'd talked about. But in the end I think we found ourselves a bit more connected to each other and a lot more aware of each other's needs and wants.
Steve,
Now that you have completed the last of your updates from over the weekend and now this week, it is clear that Sue and yourself have worked well together in discussing your future. Regular, planned discussions will help you both to reduce any tensions going forward too. I can however, see your concerns about an end point. Wanting to explore something is one thing but permanently embracing it, even if she likes it, is quite another and not what you signed up for going into this. The reason it becomes doubly upsetting touches in part on another element of your last discussion point. Respect.
I’ve said it before, but for clarity it is worth repeating. In my view your concerns are not about the sex or the condoms or the denial even. You seem to find all these elements quite exciting in subtly different ways and the joys you get from angst and release offsets the loss you have in intercourse. So, what is it that seems to get to you?
You have said repeatedly that you are turned off by humiliation and disrespect. I believe you have in your mind a clear barrier for Paul and Sue when you are around them. That is, you seem to be ok when their behaviour is related to sexual activity, either leading up to it, performing it, or even in the lovers actions after it. The very things that might be expected to upset you, don’t. This is how you internally define a cuckold and you see yourself that way. The other side of the barrier is where you see Sue as your wife and partner. So socially with Paul you are awkward because here he intrudes on territory you see as your own, especially in your own home. So Sue ignoring you and chasing round with him when it is not immediately a sexual thing is upsetting, almost disrespectful and that Sue doesn’t immediately see it is also upsetting. Even knowing she does this at his house isn’t the same, she can’t disrespect you in the same way if you aren’t there. If Paul were macho in any way socially at these times you would I’m sure flare up inside, but perhaps withdraw rather than immediately react. Luckily he never has, but Sue has crossed this line by favouring Paul with attention even when they are not being sexual or about to be. This is also at the core of your upset when Sue fails to pay you emotional attention after prolonged sessions with Paul. You believe these emotional reconnections are not just desirable and necessary but your right as Sue’s husband and life partner. Sue ignoring this is disrespect in your eyes even if you don’t express it in this way. Maybe some of the concern you have at Sue’s current plan of being ‘more his’ is that you see her spending more time socially with him as well as sexually and it is the former you see as the greater threat.
Finally, I’d just like to say this is my 1000th post on this site, the vast majority of which have been on your threads over the years. I’m glad the timing of it gave me something to say and I should add my thanks to you for giving me the reason to post so much in the first place.
Now that you have completed the last of your updates from over the weekend and now this week, it is clear that Sue and yourself have worked well together in discussing your future. Regular, planned discussions will help you both to reduce any tensions going forward too. I can however, see your concerns about an end point. Wanting to explore something is one thing but permanently embracing it, even if she likes it, is quite another and not what you signed up for going into this. The reason it becomes doubly upsetting touches in part on another element of your last discussion point. Respect.
I’ve said it before, but for clarity it is worth repeating. In my view your concerns are not about the sex or the condoms or the denial even. You seem to find all these elements quite exciting in subtly different ways and the joys you get from angst and release offsets the loss you have in intercourse. So, what is it that seems to get to you?
You have said repeatedly that you are turned off by humiliation and disrespect. I believe you have in your mind a clear barrier for Paul and Sue when you are around them. That is, you seem to be ok when their behaviour is related to sexual activity, either leading up to it, performing it, or even in the lovers actions after it. The very things that might be expected to upset you, don’t. This is how you internally define a cuckold and you see yourself that way. The other side of the barrier is where you see Sue as your wife and partner. So socially with Paul you are awkward because here he intrudes on territory you see as your own, especially in your own home. So Sue ignoring you and chasing round with him when it is not immediately a sexual thing is upsetting, almost disrespectful and that Sue doesn’t immediately see it is also upsetting. Even knowing she does this at his house isn’t the same, she can’t disrespect you in the same way if you aren’t there. If Paul were macho in any way socially at these times you would I’m sure flare up inside, but perhaps withdraw rather than immediately react. Luckily he never has, but Sue has crossed this line by favouring Paul with attention even when they are not being sexual or about to be. This is also at the core of your upset when Sue fails to pay you emotional attention after prolonged sessions with Paul. You believe these emotional reconnections are not just desirable and necessary but your right as Sue’s husband and life partner. Sue ignoring this is disrespect in your eyes even if you don’t express it in this way. Maybe some of the concern you have at Sue’s current plan of being ‘more his’ is that you see her spending more time socially with him as well as sexually and it is the former you see as the greater threat.
Finally, I’d just like to say this is my 1000th post on this site, the vast majority of which have been on your threads over the years. I’m glad the timing of it gave me something to say and I should add my thanks to you for giving me the reason to post so much in the first place.
Great going Peak. Your posts are always balanced.
Regarding disrespect - wouldn't you say that it is bound to happen sooner or later. May be it's not deliberate. But when two people spend intimate moments together, and the third person is enjoying that intimacy...what message it will give. It's all about being beta. And STB is not only a beta to Sue, he is beta to Paul as well and haven't we heard Sue saying that Paul is much better than STB.
It's not equivalent to saying that Peak is much better at Math than Raks. It is what it means, - Paul is much better at making love to Sue than STB. And if it is so, what's big deal about naked chase.
For me, although I have stated it many times and to chagrin of many that there relationship is headed for turbulent times. Sue has in past kept things hidden from STB and will continue to do so, till the frog is about to boil. I hope that I am wrong and at some point of time they understand the value of what they have and step back. Anyway, since they have already made decisions, I will just wait and watch. With everyone cheering on STB, I hope STB will also realize that he needs a devil's advocate like me.
Regarding disrespect - wouldn't you say that it is bound to happen sooner or later. May be it's not deliberate. But when two people spend intimate moments together, and the third person is enjoying that intimacy...what message it will give. It's all about being beta. And STB is not only a beta to Sue, he is beta to Paul as well and haven't we heard Sue saying that Paul is much better than STB.
It's not equivalent to saying that Peak is much better at Math than Raks. It is what it means, - Paul is much better at making love to Sue than STB. And if it is so, what's big deal about naked chase.
For me, although I have stated it many times and to chagrin of many that there relationship is headed for turbulent times. Sue has in past kept things hidden from STB and will continue to do so, till the frog is about to boil. I hope that I am wrong and at some point of time they understand the value of what they have and step back. Anyway, since they have already made decisions, I will just wait and watch. With everyone cheering on STB, I hope STB will also realize that he needs a devil's advocate like me.
Raks - as long as you're sharing your opinions and not condemning Sue or I, then I welcome a devils advocate of sorts - and indeed, you have given me different perspectives to consider.
Peak - I'm not actually sure what it is that I feel uncomfortable about other than perhaps it being just the normal amount of angst that I feel. That' something I've long said, that while this is all exciting and satisfying, there are times when it does hurt. There are definitely times when I feel lonely and while it is arousing to masturbate during those times to the knowledge of what she is doing, afterwards sometimes it exacerbates a down feeling to have relieved the arousal and not have the accompaniment. Similarly, I wish I could somehow get past what I feel as just a barrier that I would love to be more open and expressive with her - I can and do talk to her but I wish I could express more arousal and excitement at times than I feel I can. For me, at those moments, I think I honestly feel that I still can't tell her things that fall into the non-masculine category. Even though she knows I don't mind and even like licking her clean, I still find it difficult to tell her that I want to do so at times. I can't explain it but it still just rubs against me to try to tell her that I want to lick Pauls cum out of your pussy - even though it's what I want to do. A part of me seems to need her to push me that last distance over the line. That's perhaps the best I can explain it.
Even last night, she came in about 9:30pm and while I was in the bedroom with her when she got changed, I only made small talk with her until she began to open up about her evening. Again, once the conversation got going, it was much easier to tell her that I was turned on that her pussy was likely wet from him and she giggled and said she'd had to "wipe up" a bit.
Peak - I'm not actually sure what it is that I feel uncomfortable about other than perhaps it being just the normal amount of angst that I feel. That' something I've long said, that while this is all exciting and satisfying, there are times when it does hurt. There are definitely times when I feel lonely and while it is arousing to masturbate during those times to the knowledge of what she is doing, afterwards sometimes it exacerbates a down feeling to have relieved the arousal and not have the accompaniment. Similarly, I wish I could somehow get past what I feel as just a barrier that I would love to be more open and expressive with her - I can and do talk to her but I wish I could express more arousal and excitement at times than I feel I can. For me, at those moments, I think I honestly feel that I still can't tell her things that fall into the non-masculine category. Even though she knows I don't mind and even like licking her clean, I still find it difficult to tell her that I want to do so at times. I can't explain it but it still just rubs against me to try to tell her that I want to lick Pauls cum out of your pussy - even though it's what I want to do. A part of me seems to need her to push me that last distance over the line. That's perhaps the best I can explain it.
Even last night, she came in about 9:30pm and while I was in the bedroom with her when she got changed, I only made small talk with her until she began to open up about her evening. Again, once the conversation got going, it was much easier to tell her that I was turned on that her pussy was likely wet from him and she giggled and said she'd had to "wipe up" a bit.
Steve,
You have been admitting to your beta feelings to us for some time now, and have got a variety of reactions to it as well. I think by and large the consensus seems to be acceptance by now with a variety of opinion on depth of submission and duration. Par for the course I suppose. In the debates, you have found a variety of ways of explaining yourself over the last year so you must have the words and thoughts to get your views over to Sue. Something else is clearly there.
All that though is on the sexual side of your triangle. I was trying to understand better the non sexual interchanges between Sue, Paul and yourself. Are you really saying you see no tension here in yourself at the moment and going forward?
You have been admitting to your beta feelings to us for some time now, and have got a variety of reactions to it as well. I think by and large the consensus seems to be acceptance by now with a variety of opinion on depth of submission and duration. Par for the course I suppose. In the debates, you have found a variety of ways of explaining yourself over the last year so you must have the words and thoughts to get your views over to Sue. Something else is clearly there.
All that though is on the sexual side of your triangle. I was trying to understand better the non sexual interchanges between Sue, Paul and yourself. Are you really saying you see no tension here in yourself at the moment and going forward?
It seems as if Sue is talking through a lot of this for both of your benefit, why not just be honest with her during one of your talks and just tell her what excites you, like cleaning her pussy? Those are the things she is begging you to reveal. It doesnt sound like she would see you as less masculine but she would take that into consideration to make it a great experience for you, to keep you engaged in sexual excitement together, "to make it good for you" as she promised. By not telling her, it sets you up for harder talks when you aren't getting what you want and her guessing.
- Status
