New boyfriend?

[SquirmingSub]

Steve, it is not always easy to switch between the alpha and beta side. I can also understand how Sue could become frustrated as she seems to be emotionally committed to the lifestyle which you both have pursued together as a couple. You have been the husband of a hotwife were some men feel that they still maintain some control and as you become her beta man you are beginning to experience what it is like to be the husband in a cuckold type relationship were the wife has all the control and we have beta men have little to no control.

As Harry made mention above, when a couple goes down this patch there should be a good amount of "what if" conversations. In my case, my wife and I have and do spend a good amount of time discussing the "what ifs" when going into anything new within this realm and as Harry said "Be careful what you wish for, without first knowing the consequences." Emotions and intimacy do play a large role in the direction you two are going and as Paul become her exclusive Alpha and you are beta you will see more intimate moments which are sexual and non-sexual in nature.

Thank you for the sharing in which you have continued to do and I am sure that we all look forward to reading much more in the future.

 

[SoonToBe]

So I thought more about things after my midnight rant above and I guess it really is my issue. After I jerked off yet again I went back into bed and lay there next to her thinking about a lot of things.

I guess it really is my issue. I mean lying there next to her I know that she loves me and I know I love her. So many people here and in PM's have said that I should just believe it and accept it. It's not like I ever question that, it's actually, as I came to realize, is my issue.

The answer I came to lying there last night is that I while I surely didn't consider how I'd respond to this, I'm not sure I fully realized that my desire to assume a beta-role with her HAD to lead to her lover taking the alpha-role. I guess that's what I am feeling now seeing and knowing how he will take the alpha role. I guess it became clear to me when I thought about how things will change as I assume more of the beta-role.

So that is the question I guess I am really facing. She's right. It is what I asked for and it is what she also asked for. And she's right when she asked me what did I think was going to happen? In this sense, Harry is right, it's probably not something we discussed enough, but if it's really my issue that I'm dealing with, then I'm also thinking from her perspective, that nothing is amiss or of concern. That's what I came back to over and over, that she said she's been like this with Robert. Just as I saw with Paul, and probably even more so after a year or more with Robert, if she'd been truly making love with Robert all that time, no wonder she's responded and behaved as she did.

I guess I just never thought about it. I almost feel stupid about it today thinking about it. I guess I owe her an apology.

Its still not easy for me to watch and truly see right in front of me. I don't know that I ever really saw her truly making love with another guy before. Seeing how emotional and open and focused she was with him makes me say no, that even some of the most intense times I saw in the past that she'd perhaps never truly made love with another man as she now can/does. It hurts to see it, knowing that is also something that I want to give up. I will say that these feelings of seeing her with him are something I didn't consider. I can and will relinquish her sexually. Despite my apprehension on her emotional level, it hasn't really changed how I feel about her physically and sexually. That remains, that I do love seeing another man use her as his own. I do love knowing she wants that. And for Far2, when the time is right, I will have no qualms about returning to use condoms with her. What I've realized is that it's her emotional response to him and her focus on/with him during sex that is where I am having my issues.

At least it feels good in my head to start to have some clarity on what I am feeling. I think that's what was confusing me. Was I responding to seeing her having sex, or was I responding to her emotional connection to him that I saw. It wasn't the sex. The more I thought about it, I did love seeing him fucking her and I can even say that had she asked me to wait and to not have my turn with her, I would have. But yet I know that seeing her immediately turn to kiss, hug and pull him close would have hurt. It's just something I am going to have to get used to.

For Harry - I read back to how I felt long ago with Brad when she first told me she'd let him prepare her diaphragm and I remembered how it affected me that it was something so intimate she was giving him. This feels very much the same to me and as back then, it'll just take some more time for me to get used to.

She is beautiful when she's with him. I think that's also what gets to me, that it's not at all faked or acted or put on for me. I do love seeing and knowing that, even now it feels very fulfilling for me to know she has that. I'll just have to get used to knowing and seeing what really happens and continue to listen to what she'd already said. That she'd been like this with Robert for a long time and it wasn't something that affected me or us.

I feel better about things, just not sure yet.

 

[SoonToBe]

Squirming - I didn't see your update till after I posted mine. And I do see that you've reached some of the same conclusions that I have. That this is part of going down the beta-road and it's something that when I can separate my anxiety, is something that I still want and I am quite sure she wants it too.

I suppose we may have missed some "what if" conversations but to be honest, in my head, we were both in agreement with what we both wanted.
I can see her assuming that if I had some sort of concern, that I should have told her. And that's what I"m trying to figure out myself. Is this just my own issue like I am now concluding it is, or is it something that we should have talked about somehow?

 

[Harry2614]

"This is what you wanted right? Sue to have her affair, for her to take control, right? If you really want her to 'expand her horizons,' then you need to set aside [?] and stop being so selfish . Its kind of funny because you are the one slowing things down now and she is comfortably moving forward just stop fighting with your ego. She loves you, needs you, but right now she wants Paul's dick. Let her have it, be happy for her, be her emotional support and stop trying to fuck her. It'll all work out fine just let her lead.

Will if you are still reading here, you will be happy to know that Far2 is carying on your, "you asked for it, you got it. Now 'buck-up and quit sniveling' philosophy."

Harry

 

[far2easy]

And Will if you are still reading, only Harry's commentary is relevant and worth reading. Obviously, he is the only expert here and feels as if he needs to flame people who don't say or agree with his thinking. Harry, i never addressed you or your crap for whatever it is, please return the favor and i accept your apology. Enough said, please forgive me STB and good luck.

 

[cscguy]

And Will if you are still reading, only Harry's commentary is relevant and worth reading. Obviously, he is the only expert here and feels as if he needs to flame people who don't say or agree with his thinking. Harry, i never addressed you or your crap for whatever it is, please return the favor and i accept your apology. Enough said, please forgive me STB and good luck.

WOW!!!!!!! Someone got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.

 

[SoonToBe]

Yeah, I second the motion, enough with the antagonistic stuff. I appreciate everyone's best intentions and subtle barbs too.

 

[SquirmingSub]

Steve it does sound like you and Sue do share the same overall goal. Now it is a matter of you both getting there together. You still will share a great level of intimacy with Sue even after she becomes intercourse-sexually exclusive with Paul.

 

[Harry2614]

If it will make anyone 'feel better,' I asked the 'moderators' to delete my post #163

Cheers, Harry

 

[SquirmingSub]

It has been quite here today.

 

[manon]

From past I would say watching election results as I recall.

Always keep in mind with the big picture this forum plays a part of Steve's and Sue's life.

Steve will keep us abreast

 

[brokenman]

Steve, perhaps part of the problem for you is the transition from the carrot to the stick. For the past year now you have relayed many conversations in which Sue used the carrot. She led conversations, asking you questions, and once you gave the desired response she would then give you positive reinforcement. Now that there is someone else in the equation, there is necessarily less time to devote to managing you that way, so the stick comes out. Curt responses, annoyance, ultimatums. This is a transition in its own right, in addition to seeing them together. Perhaps being aware of it as such will help you process your emotions. Hope that helps.

 

[Harry2614]

'Broke': Wow! Like some others, I have read it all from the beginning, and I wouldn't have thought to 'put it that way.' but over the years, this has steadily escalated for Steve, and accelerated for Sue. Now the pace is faster than comprehension. there may be a reason.

Sue may be looking at this being her, "last chance" to attain what she desires, as well as to provide Steve with what he says he wants. So though I wouldn't have said it with that analogy, you have a point to ponder.

Now consider if Paul were more 'Don like,' the ultimatum would be coming from him, rather that sue. But it certainly would come.

Cheers, Harry

 

[peakmb]

Not sure Sue herself would think she was using a stick but I do think that Paul is the reason. He seems to be very inexperienced in this area. I'm sure most people are. Sue can sense he also needs reassurance of his expected place. So much so that he hasn't really got there yet but needs to be developed by Sue. I'm sure she's told him that Steve is completely accepting of all this. That would be necessary for Paul to get to where Sue wants him to go. He doesn't seem a natural bull. Sue's actions and words when they are together must sometimes be very stressful for her therefore. She has to manage the emotions of two men and has just seen that Steve has appeared to be reluctant to play his role. If she backs off to placate him, Paul may well get spooked so she does the only other thing she can which is to raise her dominance a little. I suspect Paul didn't even notice it. Her stress at a time she is supposed to be enjoying herself explains her frostiness afterwards. I can see more visits for her to Paul's house in the near future as a direct result.

 

[SoonToBe]

Well, we talked a bit more last night. I apologized (again) and this time she apologized too and admitted that maybe she'd been a bit harsh and hadn't really thought about how difficult it might be for me. We laughed a bit at times and were serious at other times.

She told me that we'll talk more tonight - obviously. But what was clear is that she wants me to get over my apprehension and ill feelings and she reminded me that it took several times when she was with Brad before I was comfortable with everything and she told me I'd done something similar with each of her boyfriends and that had made her realize that maybe this wasn't easy for me.

As others here have observed, she's much more determined and much more forward this time. She admits to liking Paul a lot and to that feeling having grown to where she says that SHE wants this to happen now and that she wanted to know whether I really didn't want it, or whether I just had cold-feet. At points she made it clear again that she'd been like this with Robert for months and it hadn't affected us even though I didn't know about it and at other times made it clear that I need to accept this.

Harry - you hit on something too. One thing Sue mentioned is that she feels like she is getting to be too old for this and has said that she can't see anyone wanting her after she's 55 next year - so it appears that just as the calendar influences younger women in terms of getting married and having kids, that the same calendar still affects things. I told her that most any guy would love to have sex with her and she laughed and said that's true but that she feels her chances of having this "affair" will be slimmer and slimmer in the future.

Either way, I'm sure tonight will be revealing.

 

[SquirmingSub]

Steve thank you for the continued sharing. Sounds like the two of you are moving forward with clarity.

 

[SoonToBe]

Well, last night was interesting and eye opening in some ways. One of the things that Sue emphasized was that while she may "make love" with Paul, she is definitely not "in love" with him and she felt that was important for me to know. That certainly did comfort me and made a lot of our talking a lot easier.

She asked me if it bothered me to know that's how she is when she is at Paul's place, that she and he - especially now since going bare with him - will "make love" for what seems like hours to her. I know what she means as it's something she and I had long done where we'd fuck, take a break and then go back to it, all while remaining together passionately. She asked me if it bothered me that she was that way with Robert for months and months. She reminded me that I knew how they were together as she made it clear how he made her feel.

It did make me think. And what I came to realize was that it was because I was there seeing it. I recognized how my feelings had gotten out of control (but yes, I did hold them back) while I was with them or even watching from the doorway, but how more relaxed I was about it when I was downstairs. It makes me think more about a PM that I received the other day that basically said that seeing her making love with him was the fulfillment of him assuming the alpha-role with her and fulfilling my desire to assume the beta-role. It's very similar to what she's said - that if I'm not going to do it then she will have it with Paul.

But last night was much more focused on me and whether this is what I want. She did say that she's kind of annoyed I'm wavering at this point now that she's found someone she can feel strongly about. But she also again emphasized some of what she's said before - that it is okay with her if I have desires like this to be denied and that she understands that it's just a different way for me to feel enjoyment and that she is okay with it. She added that if I am honest about this, then I should be able to accept that this is a part of it, that she WILL make love with her lover and she asked me "isn't that what you wanted?". Before I could answer she said "I'm pretty sure that wouldn't be so hard if it didn't turn you on" as she pointed at my now stiff cock.

She asked if maybe she shouldn't be at our house as much as she is or had thought she would be. I told her no, that if I had to that I would just wait elsewhere while she enjoyed herself and I told her that over time I am sure it will be easier for me or that I'll be better about it. Then she asked me a huge question - was I up-tight about it because of how I felt around Paul? I didn't understand until she asked me - would it be easier if Paul knew more about what turned me on denial-wise and that stuff - basically did I feel uncomfortable being there because of how I felt about Paul rather than her? It was an interesting question. I told her I didn't know. She then asked me if I'd thought any more about what she'd said to me before that - whether I would ever want to be the one to tell Paul about what turns me on and what I wanted. She asked if maybe that would make me feel better about it if I was more clear with him. (I think one of her email pen-pals must have suggested that to her because it's sort of unlike how she normally thinks).

I admit, she asked a lot of questions and at one point in here I think the conversation turned more serious-discussion rather than teasing-turn-on. As we talked more than teased I even stopped stroking and turned to face her. She asked me if I still felt strongly about it, wanting to be the beta for her. Before I could answer she added that she had come to be turned on by it herself and that if it's what I wanted to try, then I would need to accept all the things that come with it. After kissing me she told me she loved me and knew that this wasn't something easy for us to discuss now "for real" instead of just talk like it was in the past and she again told me that she knew it was hard for me. The more we talked the more I realized that it really was my issue and that it really was seeing it more than knowing it so the direction we took to was that I would try to watch them more at our house, whether being right there with them or more from a distance. In general we both agreed that we would both like it if she and Paul could us our home more freely and that it was something I would just have to get used to.

She told me how sexy it was that we were talking about stuff like this and that she thought it was great that we were both so horny about things like this and how she liked feeling this between us. I knew what she was saying, that even without us having sex, that we were still horny about it and about each other. She cooed and told me how she had always loved watching me masturbate and now, even more. I had started stroking again and was still looking at her. When she saw me she smiled and pulled up the front of her night-shirt and showed me her still-bare pussy. (I say still-bare because it is obvious she is keeping it shaved for Paul as normally after summer is over, she lets it grow in a bit). When she saw me looking down at it she spread her legs and looked at me and asked me if I think about "only Paul's cum being in me in the future?".

I groaned in reply and she continued and told me that since he'd started going bare with her that she's felt a growing desire for that too! She leaned towards me and teased that "maybe we should go shopping for condoms soon.... would that turn you on baby?". I guess it was obvious to her that I was horny as hell as she continued. As I said, she's started to be a bit more pointed in her teasing and as part of that she teased me a bit about whether it's something I think about. I confessed/admitted that there were times when we were having sex that I thought and got aroused at how it'd feel if I was using a condom at that time. She moaned in response that she liked that and she said she'd felt the same way and she said that she thought about it last weekend when I took my turn after Paul. She cooed that she thought about how she'd feel if I'd been in a condom and she again told me how it again turned her on to think about only Paul getting to cum in her.

Needless to say all of her talking was really getting to me and I am quite sure she knew I was close to cumming. She teased me and leaned in close and told me how sexy she felt thinking about "only feeling my lover in me" and she told me that watching me cum made her really horny. But what really sent me over the edge was when she asked me whether I'd want to start using condoms soon. I asked her when she was thinking and she said that she had thought about "how romantic" it might be if I gave her that maybe on Christmas or for New Years Eve. My god did that get me throbbing!!!! I am sure I moaned out loud at that and she leaned in and said that "it would mean a lot to me". I know I groaned back that we could try for that date and she leaned in and kissed me and said "thank you". I was really stroking away and knew I was on the edge. She lay next to me and told me how horny it was watching me jerking-off and how big and hard I was. I am sure she knew I needed another push to really get off and wow did she deliver it.

As I was really getting into it she stayed close to me and talked softly in my ear. My god - the first thing she said to me was "you know once you start, that I'm going to hold you to it" and she added that last time while she was seeing Robert, that she'd given me a few times when I'd had her bare again. Now she was telling me that this time there would be no break. "Are you going to be okay with that baby?". I groaned back - she said it with such a sexy voice that it was just such a turn-on.... When she felt me respond she leaned even close and cooed "it could be a long time baby.... how are you going to feel if I'm dating Paul for a few months?" Oh my god she was talking so sexy and added that "it's only right.... if you're the beta....". I was about to burst when she whispered "what if I see him for longer baby?...." - oh my god - she said it so teasingly "what if it's a year or even more?".

I didn't even really have time to think about it or dwell on it, just from the tone in her voice I let go and grunted out loud as I let my load of cum fly!!! I pulled rope after rope of cum out and all over my chest. She moaned at seeing and feeling me cum next to her and I even think that as I pulled the last bit out that I felt her float into her own orgasm just from watching me. Even she was breathing deeply after I'd let go and let my cock flop against my stomach.

 

[peakmb]

Progress but no clear resolution yet it seems. I've never trusted Sue's extractions of intent just before you squeeze one out on a Wednesday night. It always seems like duress of sorts and not to be relied on. The bareback thing is important to you both and thus probably more significant in itself to you than to some of us. As such the occasional reconnections are hugely important to you and I don't believe Sue would stop them for so long. She may well keep the tease going and then surprise you. Give you no time to plan or something similar, but 6 months. Too big a risk of disconnect.

The other key factor still to be sorted is Paul. He still thinks he's equal to you. Just as you thought you could handle seeing him with Sue, knowing it was happening and having experienced it before, Paul may not react as you expect to knowledge of your deeper denial and condom wearing. I suspect that is the real reason picked new year as a start point rather than next week. She needs to get him on board.

Massive interest though and it's creating some passionate responses from the cheerleading squad. The diversity only shows we care.

 

[SoonToBe]

Peak - all good points that I've been pondering a bit since reading them when I got home late tonight. Yes, she is with Paul tonight.
I too don't place much concern on her pointed taunts and teases, especially, as you put it, when she reveals them in her desire to get me off. I guess over time I have become a bit conditioned to let myself respond to them as they're intended instead of as they sound. Despite her prowess, I also think (hope) she will also miss reconnecting at times.

And yes, Paul is a question. Her question to me of whether it's her truly making love that perturbs me or whether it is the equation it's become in terms of Paul and my perhaps self-consciousness. You may be right that another 8 weeks may allow her to broach all of this with him. She has already told me that she wants him to come here again this weekend so I am already steeling my emotions and trying to anticipate how I'll feel.

 

[Harry2614]

"Yes, Paul is a question." ..... "She has already told me that she wants him to come here again this weekend so I am already steeling my emotions and trying to anticipate how I'll feel."

She's 'pushing' you and Paul together. she wants you to get used to his presence, and for him to see how you react to their, "love making."

She really wants you to tell Paul what she already knows. He may not believe it from her, that you would give her to him so willingly.

Cheers, Harry