My Asian Wife Wants More

[George]

I see two basic choices given that something will happen. You either 'play it by ear' leting the situations as they arise and his attitudes determine what happens, or you two decide what you want to happen in general goal terms and influence events in that direction--no particulars along the lines I have suggested before but instead what end goal you two choose. Just to be clear you two, for example, could choose for Min-Ju to 'live with him' at his hotel for some period, or have him replace you in your home for some time, or have Min-Ju date him some times when he wants either with or without overnights.

One thing is for sure. When he leaves she will be yours again as she will be for the many years to come.

So, do you want to use this opportunity to maximize your cuckold experience and angst with Min-Ju maximizing her hotwife freedom and adventure, or do you want to do less than you two could experience now to be safe and leave room for other new things in the future?

My recommendation, given the immense strength of your loving marriage is to do it all because the universal later regret of most people are the opportinities not taken. Whatever you decide or decide to not decide, just keep loving and trusting her and lovingly challenging her, accepting her, and appreciating her regardless of what transpires and all will be fine.

Thank you for sharing your sincere deliberations.

 

[jwff]

What do you guys think? Should we do this? Does this seem hot to you, or a bad idea? Should we back off?

This is an unbelievably hot idea, and you should absolutely go ahead with it.

 

[nardpleeker]

Wow. That's hot. It will be hard to resist given that both of you are sort of daring each other to do it.

The only hotter scenario, from my perspective, is having him stay with *both* of you, and you being relegated to the spare room instead of a hotel.
Is it possible that would work? The two of you can graciously invite him to stay with you. Then you and Min-Ju can plot out how to let him know the sleeping arrangements in whatever way you find most gratifying.

 

[George]

There is another approach. She could give a massive hint as to what she wants and then say yes to everything he suggests. For example she could greet him at the airport wearing the purple dress he bought her without a bra as she first wore it for him and then wear the yellow babydoll dress she bought for him to the reception without panties just like she wore to lift in her invite for him to fuck her the first time. (Or yellow to greet and purple to reception.) Should she wear her wedding ring at the reception? If she does this you can help her pack the lingerie he bought her and other things for her stay in his hotel. You could be tasked with delivering her luggage to their hotel and inviting him to visit your apartment some evening. You could slip into her luggage your gift to them--a sexy lingerie set you bought for them. Of course you are caged while he is in town. How about your caging being extended a week for each time he deposits in her?
BTW, when was the last time you were bare in Min-Ju?

 

[mystTiger]

personally i think you know what should happen... you have some doubts because what you both want to happen is so far from what is socially acceptable, that is why you are looking for support and reassurance from the community here... and that is what we are here for.... we are a unique community and our kink will always drive us to question ourselves and double guess whether we are making the right choices... but in this situation i think it is important to just go with your gut instinct... and i believe your gut instinct is to step aside and let this korean artist take your wife how he likes for the duration of his stay... you already know you will offer your home to him if that is what he desires or if he prefers you will drop Min Ju off at the hotel to spend the week with him in his suite... the fact that you are seeking reassurance is not a bad thing... at least you are not some crazy guy who is pushing the extremes ever further... you seem to understand the flow of this lifestyle very well even if you feel conflicted about it from time to time...

i think deep down you know that this is the guy that Min-Ju was first with sexually as a married woman and as such she will always belong to him to some degree.. so my feeling is that you should just go with it and let her enjoy herself with him and let him push her boundaries a little... you and her can have all the time you need together just the two of you once he leaves to get past whatever happens, but if you don't take advantage of this opportunity you will always wonder "what if"

and that is a great question from George, when was the last time you were allowed inside Min-Ju bare? does she let you inside bare regularly now or does she still make you use condoms mostly?

 

[koreanslut]

This is an unbelievably hot idea, and you should absolutely go ahead with it.

Thanks for the encouragement.

Wow. That's hot. It will be hard to resist given that both of you are sort of daring each other to do it.

Your observation that we both seem to be daring each other I think is spot on. We seem to want to do this, but feel nervous. And now I have you guys daring me, too. Are you going to rub this in my face, that I'm ready to cede my place in my own bed to this man?

personally i think you know what should happen... and i believe your gut instinct is to step aside and let this korean artist take your wife how he likes for the duration of his stay...

Yes, my gut instinct is to step aside for him.. to step aside fully...

i think deep down you know that this is the guy that Min-Ju was first with sexually as a married woman and as such she will always belong to him to some degree..

Myst, you're making me say this. Yes, deep down I know that Min-Ju will always belong to him. Of course he should be with her during his visit. It's really not my decision, but theirs.

BTW, when was the last time you were bare in Min-Ju?

and that is a great question from George, when was the last time you were allowed inside Min-Ju bare? does she let you inside bare regularly now or does she still make you use condoms mostly?

The last time fully bare was on our vacation to the beach. The time since then has mostly been teasing, orally pleasing her, and ****** spills.

The only hotter scenario, from my perspective, is having him stay with *both* of you, and you being relegated to the spare room instead of a hotel. Is it possible that would work?

I suppose this could work, we have considered it, too, but it would be awkward. Our place isn't very big. Min-Ju's play has always been really intimate up until now. I'm not sure she could ever really relax if I were there, and that would make things too "in your face" for us, I think. I do hope to find a way to at least hear them, though. The thought of coming into the house and hearing Min-Ju's moans echo from behind the bedroom door is unbelievably intense.

So, do you want to use this opportunity to maximize your cuckold experience and angst with Min-Ju maximizing her hotwife freedom and adventure, or do you want to do less than you two could experience now to be safe and leave room for other new things in the future?

Judging from conversations with Min-Ju, this might be a bit of a turning point for us. My sense is either we will dive into this and see where it takes us, or probably we will back off and return to a relationship that is mostly about teasing rather than actual play.

I love both ideas of having the art guy live at your place while you get booted to a hotel. You will definitely lose all control, and Minju might really surprise you with all the naughty things she will do with the artist, since you won't be there to give your input on what she should and shouldn't do.

You are right, I will lose all control. Booted from my bed and from my home, it really will be up to Min-Ju how far she goes with him, and you're right, she might surprise me.

You could have Minju dress as his sexy secretary

Now that's an interesting idea... I'm curious if she would like that?

P.S. I was very glad to read that the artist will take Minju bare

Min-Ju brought this up and insisted on it. "I've already been with him bare," she said, "it would feel strange to go back to condoms." "Besides," she said, "I don't think he would wear them."

 

[George]

I don't think that if you and Min-Ju 'go the full monty' with the Korean artist that it will be a turning point of any lasting effect. Min-Ju's adventures are partner specific and she is somewhat uncomfortable with seeking partners. After he leaves I think you two will go back to your post-Caleb normal. Sometimes she will get an itch and then find someone to scratch it or you will push her a bit with your encouragement. Later she will want to be the mother of your child and much will change.

 

[minos_dis_crete]

I get the feeling we didn't know what you two are like now as well as we did months back. Things have evolved some, or leveled off, anyway. This is a big choice, as not doing it would probably be the beginning of the end of your real cuckold play. At least for quite awhile, a signal of return to normalcy.

Is that what you want?

If so, godspeed. Enjoy your little temptress all your own.

But if not, and you seem more and more eager to play out the "if not", then this gentleman seems a great, safe option. Safe because he's a known quantity. He has proven not to be crazy or dramatic or overly possessive (merely dominant in the way you both like). And he leaves soon after, so there won't be awkwardness to deal with.

That history makes it hotter. Knowing, as was said, that part of her, and part of your marriage belongs to him. Their affair set your entire dynamic in motion. If you still want to play, then of course you should accept that she will be with him during his stay. It will be exciting for her and for you to hand over your marital rights to him in (almost) full when he is in town now, and potentially again some day in the future. Min-ju does also crave to submit to an alpha, after all. Teasing you is what she loves most, but I imagine she has been missing the fulfillment she used to get from that other side of her sexuality.

I would naturally encourage you to let her embrace it.

Where they stay is a different question. In your house would be a big step from her previous rendezvous. It sounds like you both find that psychology exciting. Just know that it will feel forever real once that happens. Psychology is a strange thing, and even knowing her pussy and mouth have been used time and again by this man and Caleb, that fact has never invaded your living space; it will be an almost constant reminder of your place in your marriage, which can either be amazing or awful, depending how you react to it.

Make sure you discuss it thoroughly.

Whatever you decide, will you come to visit her after he leaves for the morning and clean her up? Before, in Korea, that option was not available to you. Are you ready to perform that ultimate act of acceptance and humility after your wife's first marital lover reconsimmates his claim over her sex?

 

[George]

Some implementation thoughts:
When does he arrive and leave?
Does Min-Ju want to greet him at the airport? Does she want to see him off at the airport?
He will be jet-lagged and less sexually potent to start. How does that affect your plans?

Do you want to reassert your dominance by:
= Reinstituting the enthusiastic yes rule? and/or
= Applying the enthusiastic yes rule to all males' sexual requests and innuendos during his stay? and/or
= Instructing her to tell him about her 'unfaithful-to-him' affair with Caleb with an implied asking for punishment? (Remember after learning about Karaoke guy he having her flash the bartender and he was going to involve her with other guys as his slut if she stayed in Korea another week.) and/or
= Having her tell him that she is HIS slut ready for his instruction? and/or
= Having her tell him about your being caged and other restrictions she imposes with an implied asking for his input on how she does and will restrict your access to sex with her? and/or
= Having her tell him that he, not you, consummated her marriage? and/or
= Having her tell him that as the consummator he has certain rights you both grant him? and/or
= Asking him what rights he wants now and forever?

All recognizing that he is half a world away and that like Min-Ju's promise to Caleb to be his cock sucker the promise lasts only so long as Min-Ju makes it last.

Do you want to add some game elements you control by for example choosing what underwear is in her luggage or adding her favorite dildo or by setting some activity goals or limitations?
In the past you enjoyed some dares that set the subsequent tone, i.e. asking him during their first dinner date to go shopping for lingerie with her and sexy texts before their hotel weekend. Would you like to do that again?

 

[smallcockedcuck916]

I feel as though you both want this to happen but are trying to feel each other out and make sure the other is feeling the same way. Continue the talking and possibly let her know that you are ok with it happening again as to ease the pressure on her so she may let her true feelings be known to you. I like the idea of you stepping aside and letting him take your place while he is here, it is very much something that will show your love and devotion to min-ju. Glad you guys had a great vacation and are doing good, hope to hear more soon!

 

[mystTiger]

yeah, i must agree with smallcockedcuck.. i think it is vital that you communicate fully with Min-Ju and discuss all of your feelings before you go ahead... as you said your instinct is to just go with it and step aside for him... let Min-Ju know this... but let her know that your concerns are also... maybe you can find a solution together when you talk things through...

i think in order to keep things sane it is important that you and Min-Ju have your 'down-time' together such as your vacation while there is no other partners involved and just light play and teasing. i think maybe you both feel that this new encounter is too close to the nice vacation you just had so it will overshadow the great time you just had together.... but i think you just have to accept that and go with it anyway...

it is not going to be often that you will have an opportunity for Min-Ju to spend time with someone she knows and trusts and to whom she can fully submit to.... and its not going to be a permanent thing as he will return to Korea, so my vote is let it happen, and i do have to agree with George, the enthusiastic yes rule should be applied while he is in town...

i would love to know what they have been discussing in their emails to each other...

 

[George]

I agree. Talk a lot. Make it fun talk, not anxiety talk. And schedule a 'back to us' period shortly after.

 

[koreanslut]

Thanks for all the advice and feedback. There's a lot to take in here. As I've been reading over your comments I keep going back and forth about whether this is a good idea, which, sadly, is pretty much what Min-Ju and I have been doing as we've talked about this over the last couple weeks.

Reading over your comments, I realize that while I think I've told her my natural impulse is to step aside for him, I'm not sure I've actually said that as clearly as I should. So I'm going to push to say that more clearly tonight. It's the same, intractable problem for me. I'm usually the decision-maker between us and I tend to be a little obsessive and controlling, which is definitely part of what attracts me to her being in control sexually, but I really really don't want to be "topping from below," as it were. I want her to take control -- but (and I realize the unfairness of this) my impulse is for her to take control in the way I want her to. It's a struggle to let her truly be in control. But a somewhat contradictory extension of that is that I don't want to tell her directly what I want; I want her to pull it out of me. I want her to pull it out of me because that enhances the feeling of loss of control, but then that puts her in the position of being expected to be a mind-reader, which is hardly fair. Does that make sense?

(And her position has to be pretty tough, too. She has to try to figure out her own wants and desires, and work up the nerve to embrace those desires -- all while worrying about crossing some invisible boundaries and hurting my feelings, and while navigating the impossible standards by which a woman who wants sex is inevitably branded a "slut.")

Tonight, I've suggested we do a kind of trial run to see if it helps us figure out our feelings. I'm going to sleep on the couch tonight... while she uses her vibrator to imagine fucking him alone in our bed. After that, she's to go to sleep without me. It's not the same, obviously, but the idea is for us to live out more fully in fantasy what it might feel like to do this. And for us to see if we get too sad being without each other for the night. We have fantasized about her with him many times, both during sex and as tease & denial, but it's always been with us together. This is for her to be alone with her fantasy, and to not hold back. If imagining him in our bed gets her really excited, if it makes her cum hard, that should help us see how much she really wants to do this.

I've told her that it's her choice. If she wants to see him, that we should do this.

 

[koreanslut]

i would love to know what they have been discussing in their emails to each other...

I would love to know that, too.

 

[nardpleeker]

KS, I was about to analyze your previous emails and say that, reading between the lines, you were being "controlling".
I had the impression that you preferred being banished to a hotel, and were speculating about whether she would feel
more comfortable with you out of the house. Did she actually say that, or is it what you want to be true?

When you say "I hope that makes sense", my reaction is: It certainly does. I've been there, and I see it all the time in
these kinds of forums. You want not to be in control, but you want whatever happens to scratch your particular itch.
That's why games and dares are so attractive. If want a situation where you can make an impulsive decision and not
have the option of backing out.

Maybe you can get her to tell you what would turn her on the most. The problem is you have to listen carefully, and
try not to lead her to what you want. In the heat of passion: "It's just a fantasy. What would be most exciting for you?".
You might have to do a little mind-reading, too. Anyway, resolve that once you know what scratches HER itch, you're
obligated to do it.

I question your couch/vibrator experiment. She spent all that time in Korea without you. Does she really not know
whether she can deal with a week with him? (is it a week? I'm not sure if you said.)

Who is "going back and forth" the most? You or her?

And, then, maybe she needs for you to say that you want her to do it, or she won't be free to enjoy it.
Mind-reading really would be useful.

 

[nardpleeker]

Back to the irrevocable impulse: You could dare her to text him to cancel his hotel reservations and stay with her.
Maybe you can watch while she types it.

 

[George]

Sleeping without you and without him is not emotionally indictive of sleeping without you while sleeping with him. Your test will miss most of the pleasures and will tell you little of what emotions she will experience in the real thing.

To minimize topping from the bottom agree on the general goals and then set preconditions, rules (enthusiastic yeses), and some 'set the tone' dares. Then encourage whatever begins.

The effort you two have put in already says to your commenters that you two clearly want him to take Min-Ju to his bed. She's going to feel his dick in her. All the rest is detail. I think you should relax and let it happen merely nudged as you two dare one another and choose at the instant moment.

For her sake playfully, happily keeping it light, tell her what you want. Tell her you want her to give herself entirely to him while her is here. Tell her you want her to be playfully cruel to you. Tell her to embarrass, humiliate, and deny you. Tell her you want her to make you give her to him (say by delivering her luggage to their hotel or by clearing your things out of your apartment bedroom, making them breakfast and leaving for work with him in your bathrobe). Tell her you want her to obey him in all things. Tell her to 'confess' the Caleb affair to him. And most importantly tell her when he leaves she belongs to you in all ways again--you choose who has control over the come down period, you or her. Lastly arrange a reconnection and renormalization period for loving as a traditional couple shortly thereafter.

 

[mystTiger]

how your experiment go the other night with her playing in your bed imagining him and you alone on the couch all night? what was her feedback? did she find it hot imagining him in your bed with her or did she miss having you beside her? how was it on the couch.. were you uncomfortable and lonely?

 

[koreanslut]

I’ve been doing a lot of serious thinking, and talking with Min-Ju, the past couple days, and I’ve come to some conclusions. One conclusion is that we should do this. The prospect is scary, some things may go wrong, and it’s quite possible that there will be some awkward and uncomfortable moments, but this is the kind of exciting experience that Min-Ju wanted when we started all this. We should take the risk. The other conclusion I’m not terribly proud of. I’ve come to see that, more than I realized, I’m the one who has been holding back.

However charismatic or fun someone like Caleb is, he's still ultimately just another 20-something trying to figure out his life, like many of our friends. But the Korean artist on the other hand is established and accomplished in his field, doing the kind of work that Min-Ju really cares about and admires. He is in a position to offer her valuable career advice and perspective. I am a couple years older than Min-Ju and while I'm not doing anything terribly exciting, I have my career started. From the beginning of our relationship, that's always been part of our dynamic: I'm there to offer her support and guidance. I know that's not going to change, but on some unconscious level I have been registering that part of what excites her about him is also what has drawn her to me. And I'm not sure how well I stack up; he is more accomplished than me. (In fact, maybe part of why I've left him unnamed here is as a way to keep him more at arm's length and maintain a sense of control over him.) That's kind of humbling, and I'm still wrestling with that. But it's helped me see that what Min-Ju has been more worried about is how I might react to all this. I better see why she's had those concerns. I thought I was being submissive, but maybe not in the way she needs.

Up until now, I had been assuming -- wrongly, I realize -- that Min-Ju's hesitations were largely about whether she really wanted to see him or not, and about disappointing me. But it seems I haven't been listening to her cues: she does want to see him, maybe even a lot. Her concerns have been about how well I will be able to handle the situation, as it does involve me more directly than other times we have played.

So Min-Ju and I sat down for a serious and pretty long talk last night. We talked through my feelings about him, and she pretty much confirmed that I was wrong about where her concerns lie. I told her as clearly and directly as I could that "I want us to do this. I want you to be with him. Just how we do that -- me leaving, him staying here, visiting him at his hotel, etc -- is your decision." She seemed to like hearing that. I told her that "The knowledge you are excited to be with him again -- maybe very excited -- is a little scary for me, but also tremendously arousing." She giggled, and I'm getting ahead of myself but later when we were in bed together she whispered in my ear that she has been wet for days thinking about it. I also told her honestly that I wasn't completely sure that my feelings won't get hurt or that in private I might act pouty at times, but that I was going to try my hardest and that in public I was confident things would be ok as I am good at compartmentalizing things.

That led us to an intense, scary, but necessary series of questions:

"Will you be able to handle seeing me together with him in public among our friends and coworkers?"

Yes. It will be intense, but yes.

“What if I can’t text very regularly?”

I'm expecting that. I'll do my best to give you space, but I hope we can agree on some times you can text. At least once a day.

“Will you be ok if we don’t get much alone time during his visit? If we really do this, he will be staying with me – there really might not be much time for you.”

I know. I'll miss you.

“Will you be able to handle seeing me together with him in public?”

This will be the first time for us.

“What about if I need to ask you to leave, either because we need to work on the exhibit or if we just want to be alone? Or because you are being clingy?”

That will be tough, but also kind of hot.

"When we aren't around people we know, will you be able to handle seeing PDA between us? What if I hold his hand? Or he puts in arm around me?"

Do you think that will happen? She answered with a yes.

“What if he is insulting or mean to you?”

If it's real insult, I hope you'll stand up for me. I'd hope that you couldn't be attracted to a guy who didn't respect your husband. But if he understands the spirit of our play, that's ok.

“Do you want him to humiliate you?”

That question caught me open mouthed and tongue tied. Min-Ju laughed and said she had her answer.

“What if he acts possessively toward me?”

Same as above. If it's real possessiveness, you need to be clear with him about boundaries. He has been polite and considerate with you so far; we both think he will continue to do so.

“What about condoms or birth control?”

He's had you bare before, we agreed he should have you bare now.

"What should I tell him about you?"

What do you mean?

"Should I tell him I make you wear a condom? That I put you in chastity? That he was the first to consummate our marriage?"

You should.. you should tell him what you want. It should be your decision.

“What if someone sees or suspects something? I don’t want anyone to think I am cheating.”

Unless one of our friends catches you making our or something, they aren't going to suspect anything. You two will be professional at the gallery. If someone really does catch you, then I guess we tell them you have permission to play.

"What if I develop feelings for him?"

This question stopped us for a while. But eventually we agreed that "feelings feelings" were a problem and a big red flag that would need to be addressed right away, it would be natural for her to feel some things for him, especially after being so intimate together. Easier to say than to believe, obviously.

 

[smallcockedcuck916]

You sir have made a huge step in your relationship with how open and honest you were with her and look at what came out of it, you both were able to lay out your feelings, desires, fears, concerns outright to each other and imo that is a very wonderful thing. The way you guys can break down that wall and be open and candid with each other shows just how strong and great your relationship is. More people would benefit greatly in relationships if they were able to do that.

It is also very telling that her main concern was how you would be able to handle the situation being more integrated into it than the other times and shows her love and caring for you as her husband and partner. You are about to experience something that i think could be very amazing for you both and I am happy for you guys and cannot wait for you to maybe recount some of it to us over time.