Denial 2015

[SoonToBe]

Cocu - yeah - it's something that she still finds rather curious - something most men/husbands would be horrified by is what turns me on. I laughed at her and told her "duh" and told her that's why I am a cuckold (yes, I told her that) to which she laughed at hearing me say that.

For Peak - one other thing, you imply that I should be slowly building my way up to seducing her. We are starting that now, slowly. She's let me feel her breasts and has said that over the next few weeks she'll be allowing me more contact with her, building up to, hopefully when we go away, her being ready for me to fully seduce her like you are suggesting.

Just wanted to add that.

 

[magnaebony]

I can't help but think that the ultimate turn on for you, which you need to plant the seed for, would be for Paul to share her with one of his friends. This would definitely prove that she belongs to him for now and is his to share.

 

[peakmb]

Steve,
Thank you for your detailed response. I know you didn't have to do it. I appreciate that you miss a lot out of your normal life but stuff that goes unsaid (unwritten) by you goes unread by us. Sue said she needed romance from you and there was precious little evidence she was getting enough at the moment, hence my comment. I will revise my opinion.

It does beg the final question though, If indeed Sue does get enough non sexual romance time with you, why is she saying she wants more. Perhaps it's the mild dating sexy but non sexual kind you see in initial dating, I don't know, but do you?

 

[SoonToBe]

Peak - is that what you and Raks are so up about that I'm simply not posting the non-sexual times we share together? I suppose I've omitted going hiking together or going up to the park nearby and taking a walk around the lake? Same about cuddling up in bed at night - where I have to say that knowing we simply aren't going to be doing anything sexual together has really changed how she is able to really relax next to me at night. If anything, I would say that her letting me caress her hair or just give her a gentle massage on the back of her neck, again knowing that she doesn't have to reciprocate or spread her legs for me even if I am hard, that it really has changed how we relax and relate in terms of closeness with each other.

I almost even support her on what she's doing given how things feel between us. Yes, last Tuesday was abrupt and a bit cold or emotionless, but at the same time, she came with me quite intensely even after having done so with Paul just before. My god did that amp up how I feel for her. She so knows I want her - how can seeing my hard cock at the sight or just glimpse of her not say so. Plus, wow - she is changing what she wears too - I am seeing more "boy shorts" kinds of undies on her instead of just the old panty-style. She says they are sexier because they are looser and she's told me that she can feel the material rubbing against her bare pussy during the daytime when she walks or is sitting in certain positions.

As far as my refrence to romance with her, my perspective on it is that when we do have our time to reconnect, that she will want it to be more than just a wham-bam quickie - and that as I'd suggested, that she's going to want me to make it more romantic and seductive for her.

For Magna - we went down this road many years ago when one of her ex-bf's had suggested this, but nothing became of it, at the time neither of us were in favor of it. I don't think it's something Paul is going to initiate, but a part of me does wonder how she might respond to it now vs. in the past.

 

[peakmb]

Steve,
I'll have one last tilt at the windmill and then try to leave it alone for a while.

The thing I have been trying to get my head around is the motivation for Sue to behave as she is in relation to her sexual feelings towards you since the new year and in particular in the last 5 weeks. It is so out of character. Yes, some of it can be explained by her discovery of her Dom side, some by her acceptance of your Sub side. But. Sue has shown herself to be a woman who enjoys sex at a fundamental level. With her lovers over the years as well as with you. OK, discount all those times when she came home from Robert and others and felt she had to 'perform'. Discount all those times you initiated and she wasn't full in the mood. Now add back those times when she might have initiated but you weren't looking like it, or you had just masturbated and she knew it was pointless. What you are left with, even though maybe most of her sex 'up' time is taken up by Paul, is time which would naturally be devoted to intimate time with you. Time when normally SHE would want to do that. Except it doesn't seem to exist. At all, or at least in very small glimmers.

Sue is getting excited enough, the new panties being just one indication but none seems to naturally fall your way. If she needed a real change in you, she is more than capable of controlling any encounter, both in timing and content, particularly as you have accepted her Dom status. She could lead you, teach you, guide you by example. Instead in this area she essentially leaves you entirely to your own hand and gets nothing herself, and seems to want nothing herself from you. There must be some reason for this abrupt change of behaviour, some event in the past, some comment, something that roots this change in her and very little you have said since Christmas has shed any light on it all. I cannot believe you have not asked yourself the same question which (as I have said before) leads me to believe that you know what it is and are choosing not to share it. Quite expected and rational if it is raw or highly personal or difficult but without it I am left wondering, struggling to make sense of your broad narrative while remaining fascinated by your regular updates.

This is what I am still 'up' about. Raks can speak for himself.

 

[dana007]

STB
Well this is Sue's last full open week, for the summer. is she going to Paul's again and is dhe going to get all she can from him for. the two day's they are togather for the last time like that for awhile.have fun and enjoy it.
keep us posted.

 

[golfman2315]

Peak for me a lot of what I have interpreted from Sue's actions are that they have been based on what Sue thinks /thought she is supposed to do to give Steve his beta wishes. There were times in Steve's recaps that I felt like Sue may have actually wanted to have some sexual contact and maybe even want to make love to Steve except I believe she felt she would be denying (irony) his beta wishes. I still think if given a truth serum Sue would have preferred not to go the total denial route and a couple months ago I still wonder if she was wanting Steve to pull the plug on the denial.

It seems to me that the path was not clear on this part of their journey and that has made for some seemingly out of character moments compared to the past. Maybe there was more of plan and it just wasn't shared or hell maybe I missed it. None of this is to say that this hasn't been a worthwhile exercise and it may have helped to get some issues out on the table. I do wonder if some of Sue's revelations about always giving in to sex with Steve just to be the good wife are partially being played up for his beta desires.

As I have said there is no question that Sue is clearly enjoying all the sex with Paul and I am now starting to wonder if Paul might be around for a lot longer. BTW I don't see the Paul sharing Sue with a friend angle at all.

Just my 2 cent

 

[SoonToBe]

Well, it's my last Tuesday evening alone and I thought I should possibly address Peak's and Golfman's notes as well as my own thoughts.

What I think both of you are missing is what I've come to accept about myself - I am enjoying the beta-role and honestly feel that Sue is living out the other-half of that. I have already said that I agreed with Golf and others that she's making more out of her "pressure" issue than it really is, but what I have to say that I feel is that she has adapted her side of our relationship at this time to fulfill some of her own suppressed/denied desires as well as, to be honest, to support me in my desires in a way she feels most comfortable. I think it's clear that she can only fulfill my beta-desires if she has someone else to focus her sexual needs on and with.

Many people have PM'ed and emailed me saying that my intense arousal at what she does with Paul and my, apparent, enjoyment of her denying me - merely makes me a cuckold.

Is our relationship changing. I suppose it is. I know that I have changed. It's strange but it's almost like a weight off my shoulder to admit it, it's nice to let her have her sexual focus with Paul right now. What will happen when and if he goes away - we'll figure that out, but that's the point, it's a "we" that will figure that out - just as we did after her time with Brad came to an end.

Since admitting and accepting that it really does turn me on that she is having this kind of sex with Paul, I have to say that I don't feel the same kind of angst and intense anxiety that I think I used to feel. Instead, I just feel the arousal and the excitement. Peak -you seem to be saying that I shouldn't allow her this somehow, or that I should somehow compete with or push myself in between them - that she should want to share this sex with me instead of Paul.

What I think you miss is that she gets something from me just as I get something from her. She knows that what she's doing is intensely arousing to me and even pleasurable. Thursdays and other nights when she will lie next to me and tease and encourage me to masturbate, she is most definitely sharing that moment with me. The way she talks, the way she'll rub herself agianst me and even from just how I can hear her breathing change as I get more and more into it, oh, she is there with me, whether she cums or not. And I know that for her, my god - she could never do or say some of what she can now when she's with me. There was a time when she was embarassed to lie on the bed with her legs spread apart and now she will let me see all of what Paul did to her with such confidence. I am not sure how you cannot see what I feel unless I am just not conveying it well enough. It's weird to say it but having given up sex with her for so long has made me see so much more of how we share and interact with each other.

Golf - yeah, I am thinking that Paul may just be someone for a longer-term. Much will depend on this summer, if their desire for each other remains, then even with less contact, he may remain. It is something I've considered, he seems to make no demands on her - of course she is quite accommodating at this time.

I had started this earlier and revised it when I saw Golf's update. She called me about an hour ago now and we talked. She sounded so sexy and I told her I was really horny thinking about watching her get dressed this morning. We normally don't talk sex much when she calls but I just had to share that. I liked hearing about her day and telling her some of the funny things from my day. I reminded her that I'd be out tomorrow night watching the Rangers game and she said it was good Paul wasn't into hockey. It felt good to tell her to have a good night.

Anyway - I"m horny from all the thoughts going on here so I'll say adios for the evening.

 

[SoonToBe]

Boo Rangers.... But it ain't over yet.

She just emailed me from work - said she'd had a "wonderful last 2 days" and that she was eager to come home and see me. A part of me is hoping for some kind of surprise when she returns, but the more realistic side of me thinks it's more that she's feeling how I feel - that it seems to be even nicer and a closer feeling for us when she comes home after seeing him.

I abstained last night and am now quite horny thinking about later tonight.

 

[dana007]

STB
Well did you have a good home coming or a great, one last night.
and are you looking . forward to your kid's getting there.
keep us posted.

 

[SoonToBe]

Well, she came home in a mixed mood - up from being with him but a bit sad that things are about to change.
We talked for a while when she came in about just general stuff until she suggested that we head up to the bedroom and I told her that I was quite horny and that I'd "waited for her" she smiled and hugged me.

Up in the bedroom she told me I should get comfortable on the bed and she started to tell me that she was enjoying taking more of a lead role in our bedroom fun and she said that she'd been "reading up on this stuff". As I lay there on the bed in just my boxers she told me that it's good that I am enjoying the beta-role with her because she was having fun taking the lead.

She stood next to me and unbuttoned her top slowly and teased me all the while. She told me how she had really enjoyed these last few weeks spending days in a row with Paul as she did so she giggled and told me how she wanted me to just watch and then taunted me and said "Paul always pushes me down on the bed when I start to undress like this with him" and she shrugged off her top leaving her in just her bra and pants.

"He likes my breasts" she said candidly as she sat down next to me on the bed and she started to tell me how much better she was feeling about "us" and how she liked that she could feel that she can sit next to me and know that I'm hard and horny and that she (finally) feels she has some control and that she said "it turns me on to think of you being horny like this" and she continued as she unclasped her bra to tell me that she can show me her breasts and even let me watch her caress them and pull at her nipples and "that you are just going to watch me".

As she started to tell me again how Paul likes her breasts and how she doesn't wear a bra when shes with him and how that turns him on. She turned to me and said "I like how it feels when he sucks on them" and with that she put her hands under both breasts and brought them forward towards me as if to show me her pointy nipples. "You can touch them if you want" I heard her say and that was it - I couldn't wait to feel them again. She admonished me to be gentle on them and to not try to get her turned on. I obeyed and just held them in my hands feeling how warm they were. She giggled and said that I could play with her nipples a little if I wanted. I think my hands were trembling a bit as I clasped them in my hands and I felt her nipples between my thumb and forefinger - they were hard and a little swollen feeling and my god did it turn me on to think of her giving them to him for the past 2-3 days.

Before I could get into enjoying them too much she stood up and began to unbutton her pants. She looked down at me as she pulled them down and she had on a pair of pink "boy-shorts" panties that I'd never seen before (I'd only seen the 2 blue pairs she had) and my cock grew hard immediately which she noticed and said "what did you think about that got you hard?". I answered her honestly - "thinking about you with him this morning when you got dressed" and she finished my sentence "and pulled these on?" with her hands on her new panties. I croaked out a "yes" and she said "they're new you know - Paul said he liked how I looked in these so I bought a few more". I didn't need to tell her but my cock was rock hard thinking that she'd bought new sexy undies for him that I hadn't even seen yet!

she slid off her pants and sat next to me in just her sexy panties. "you look like you're pretty horny baby?" and I told her "yes, that she was absolutely turning me on and making me want her" to which she giggled and said "another few weeks baby" and she gently patted my hard cock and she then took my hand and put it on it and got me started stroking it.

She lay next to me and asked me "that still turns you on, to think about us getting up in the morning together?" to which I groaned back "my god yes". She moaned softly and said "I like that" and she continued to tell me about their mornings - she told me how sometimes she'll wake up before him and his alarm and she'll think about lying there naked next to him knowing how she feels warm and cuddly all over and she smiled and said "sometimes I'll even play with myself a little bit" and she giggled and said "sometimes I'm really messy, like this morning". Now I know she was saying all this to turn me on and get me really horned up but I also knew it was for real too.

She turned to me and said "or do you want to hear how he joined me in the shower this morning?". Nothing more than that but wow did it make me moan out loud. She teased me more about how sexy he makes her feel "just like you do, you know, when you're just watching me and I know you are horny for me". I told her that it made me crazy to think about all of that and she giggled and said "that's good".

I was stroking away when she again turned towards me and this time leaned over and kissed me and then stood back up. She looked at me and said "want to take these off of me?" motioning to her panties. I swear this time my hands really were trembling when I reached out and felt the lacy/satiny material. As I hooked my fingers around the waistband she put her hands over mine and said "just look okay" and then a second later she added "I'll show you". I don't know if she could feel it but I was so nervous as I began to slide them down over her hips. So erotic to just slowly reveal her shaved pussy - seeing the bare pink skin as I slid them down more and more until the top of her pussy came into view and it took my breath away as she let them fall to the floor.

It was the closest I've been to her pussy, except for last week, in ages and I could see the little peach-fuzz that was growing in slowly - but what totally caught my eye was how swollen she looked - the inner and outer lips were all puffed up and even spread apart a little at the bottom and her clit seemed to protrude at the top. I was so caught up staring at her pussy that I finally heard her cough a tiny bit and I looked up to see her smiling broadly.

"You can get closer when I sit down baby". But as she went to sit next to me she also said as she had just a few minutes before "just look, okay? .... promise me". And I think I realized that this was in some ways more of a test to her than a taunt to me - she wanted to sit next to me and show-me herself and she wanted to remain in control. I nodded and moaned "uh huh" in agreement. She sat next to me and then said "okay" and she began to spread her legs - moving one knee towards me with the other leg on the floor around the edge of the mattress. As she moved her knee she moved up to sort of kneel a bit and with that her gorgeous pussy came into view. She heard me moan and she giggled and said "I like that I make you horny.... and that you have to wait". And with that she proceeded to lick one of her fingers and she let me watch as she ran it from all the way at the bottom of her pussy by her ass - she ran the wet finger up the crease between her inner and outer labia - spreading them apart and revealing all of her sweetness to me. She went up one side and then the other and when she was done, I could see everything from an perspective of looking downwards. But as I stroked my cock more and more intently, she lay back leaving her legs spread and as she did so my angle of view changed until I was now looking directly into her spread open vagina where it wasn't dripping or running out of her, but it was visibly wet inside her and very swollen and reddened.

When I looked up this time she saw the look on my face and she smiled and said "you like seeing that don't you?" ..... "where Paul used me".....
I moaned back and told her that it turned me on so that she was fucking him like she is and for how long. She hissed back at me that he was going to leave her very horny for when "it's our turn again baby". And with that she began to flick her finger gently at her clit and she said "it's going to feel sooo good for us when you get to feel me again baby". I moaned back that I was going to be so horny for her by then.

She turned towards me and shifted so she lay in almost a 69 position with me - but instead - she told me "just watch" and she let me be just a foot or so from her pussy while she showed me how she liked it done. Swirling around her clit, then diving deep into her gaping pussy and then rubbing all around, it was so hot to see her getting herself off like this. Every now and then she'd glance at my hard cock and my hand as a blur on it and she'd moan back that she wanted to see me cum soon. At one point she used both hands to spread herself while I eagerly watched and I then saw her reach into her pussy and arch her fingers to search for and rub at her g-spot. Hearing her moan out loud was a signal that she'd found it.

She was very into herself at that moment and I knew that I wanted to be there when she came. I started stroking away and all sorts of visions ran through my head, fueled by how more and more wet and open she looked the more she played. When one of her hands moved up to her breast and began to pinch and pull at her nipples while the other seemed to be buried in her pussy, I knew she was really close and I was right there with her.

She opened her eyes and saw that I was so close and as we both lay there I realized she wanted me to cum first - and so I did - I thought about moving or turning to spray it on her but then I also remembered that she liked watching - so instead I lay back and really got into it. I let my imagination go wild and with visions of her in all sorts of erotic situations and positions - I let go with a grunting orgasm that she even squealed at. As I pulled out rope after rope of warm sticky cum, I heard her moan and felt the bed tremble a bit as I realized she was cumming right behind me. Her head thrashed back and forth and even a little drool came out of one corner of her mouth as she really worked over her pussy with her fingers.

Finally she sat up onto her elbows and she looked a touch embarassed at first until she saw the load of cum all over my chest and stomach. With that she turned in the bed and slide up next to me and lay against me naked. I could feel her lying next to me and I could feel her warm skin against mine, her firm nipples against the outside of my arm - and then her arm around my back and mine around hers which pulled us both into a deep kiss. When she pulled back she smiled at me and then just said "ready?" and I gave her my knowing smile.

She talked to me as she pushed my cum into a puddle around my navel. "you know it really turns me on that you haven't cum in me at all this year.... well, except at Pauls that one time". As she played with my cum she murmured "it's soooo warm and thick and gooey baby.... you must have needed this....". She turned her head up towards mine and said "that turns you doesn't it, it's a beta-thing, right?" and I moaned back "yes, it makes me really horny". As she got it on her fingers and brought it up to my mouth she said "so hot". It took a few minutes to scoop it all together and when I licked off her last finger-ful she sild up against my whole body and pulled my face and mouth towards her and we shared a very erotic and very special snow-ball kiss.

So - I'm seeing what she's been saying she wants - to be able to control things more with me and not give into temptation unless she wants to. I think I believe her when she says that in another 3 weeks or so, when we're ready to go away for a reconnection-weekend - that she'll be okay with things by then.

 

[wingman]

What a great post. If gu can remember it, would love to read more of the conversation as she is teasing you as you stroke yourself. Does she still compare your size to Paul's? Does she tease you about preferring the way Paul makes love to her?

Have been following ur adventure since the OHW days! Enjoying ur posts, and look forward to many more! Thanks for the time you spend writing them!

 

[SquirmingSub]

Steve as always, a very detailed post. As I had mentioned before it would seem that your relationship continues to evolve in a positive way, you and Sue will find a great level of balance within the imbalance of this lifestyle choice. It will be a good to have a reconnection-weekend at least a few time a year especially Paul is truly a possible long term lover for Sue. Enjoy

 

[Mundyman]

So you've shared with her your desire to be her submissive. I realize you call it being the beta, but that's really what you are is her submissive as she teases and denies you at her whim.
Her penpal(s) are teaching her how to be the dominant. She obviously gets off on this dominant/submissive dynamic she has over you. Reading your posts I envision a cat playing with a mouse or some other prey. While there isn't a BD or SM part to your story, or is there and you haven't shared it, you are the sub to her dome in the bedroom and you both are apparently loving it.
I think, Steve, the genie has been let out of the bottle and this paradigm shift in your relationship will be your reality for as long as she gets off on your submissive tendencies.
The question I have is to what depths your sub/dome relationship will go to as she continues to seek the thrill that this is obviously giving her. Are creampies in your future, enforced chastity or some other activity???
I'll stay tuned to "As the SoontoBe Turns".
Enjoy the ride and I hope you continue to get what you seek from your wife and your relationship with her. Thanks for sharing.

 

[SoonToBe]

I think what surprises me the most is that I most definitely am enjoying the beta role, or as Mundy called it, the submissive role. It surprises me because it's a role I never thought I would want or enjoy, but here I am, doing both. Sue's sleeping in a little this morning as we were up late last night with both of our kids now home. But in bed last night she asked me if I was horny and when I said yes she smiled and asked me if I wanted her to "help me out". She slid up next to me and said "come on baby, let me watch you again" and she kissed my ear and my neck and shoulder.

The thing is, I loved it. Of course I would have loved to have thrown her back on the bed and fucked her, but at the same time, I have to admit that it really made me horny to slip off my boxers and lie back and masturbate for her. I told her that I was horny for her and she cooed in my ear that "I know baby, and you'll have me soon enough, but for now.....". I turned my head to her and she kissed me and said "I just want to watch you tonight, okay?".

I started to get into it and she asked me what I was thinking about as I got hard and into it. I told her the truth, that knowing I was waiting for her for another few weeks was driving me crazy. She slid up next to me and even through her night-shirt I could feel her breasts and nipples against my arm.

"You want to hear about me and Paul again? Would that make you horny?" she asked. As if she needed to!!! I moaned a yes back to her and she started to tell me again what she'd told me some of last Thursday.

She told me how horny she feels herself getting when she's driving to her lovers place and how when she gets there, as she walks in the door "I can feel that I"m wet for him already". She told me how they kiss and how he makes her feel welcome and wanted. They always share a glass of wine and then she says that "it's how I always feel when I want to get whin the mood" and I know what she's about to tell me. She almost whispered how she will walk into his bedroom and decide on what to get changed into. She told me again how this past Tuesday when she got there that she opened his closet door and how she got undressed "got naked" was how she said it and that she touched a few of his shirts until she found one that she liked how it felt and then she told me how she'd go back into his living room in just one of his button-up shirts. I wasn't just what she said but she had this dreamy sound in her voice as she did so and I knew just how she'd said she'd felt as she put his shirt on, she's long told me that it really makes her feel like she forgets about everything else.

I moaned when she told me how she went back and kissed him and then they had another glass of wine. I know just how she looks sitting there on his couch with her legs under her, knees bent so you can see her legs from the side and it's obvious that she has no panties on. Fuck, my cock is hard again already. She told me how they will stay there and finish the bottle of wine before either of them feels like thinking about anything. Well, so she says. But I started to throb when she told me that he kissed her and then unbuttoned the shirt she was wearing and how sexy she felt as he revealed her bare breasts.

I was so hard already that she was giggling that "I just started" telling me this sorty and a second later she leaned over to me and hugged me and kissed me and said "I love turning you on like this". She lay right next to me as she almost whispered in my ear how he began to kiss her and then how he did the same as she'd done to me, kissed her ear, neck and shoulders. And she then said "and he then moved to my boobs" where she described feeling his hands and then his lips and then his tongue on her nipples. "You know how I am when you play with my nipples like that" and I knew that if she's in the right mood, that it will leave her pussy drenched if you do it just right, I guess the recollection made her warm all over because I felt her move around a bit and then whisper "mmmmm, he did it just right". She told me how he held one while he sucked "and chewed on my nipple till I started moaning". And I wasn't surprised when she told me that he pushed her shirt all the way open and he moved to kneel between her legs while she lay back on the couch.

"You like that I am that comfortable with him, don't you?" she asked and I moaned back a creaky "Yes" and she softly moaned and said "I feel so relaxed with him, how else would I lie there like that for him". I told her that it turned me on too and she teased back "mmm, you'll get to see me like that for you soon enough baby" and then continued to tell me how sexy he made her feel by how he playfully wolf-whistled at her and how she felt no qualm or shame about letting him see all of her nakedness.

I was so hard and drooling pre-cum already when she told me how she felt his hands on her legs and she knew he waned her to pull them back for him. "it made me feel so sexy letting him see all of me like that" (from how she said "all of me" that I knew she was referring to her pussy likely being spread and brazenly 'on display' for him). "I let him watch as I rubbed myself for a few seconds". I knew I wasn't going to last much longer.

She told me that he was still dressed and that she felt inredibly sexy and horny to be lying there virtually naked before him like that. She cooed and giggled at me that he tickled her a little bit "as he kissed his way down my belly". "And then I felt him, his tongue you know, on me, in me". fuck just how she said that got me almost to cum. And she knew it. "He licked upwards against my clit and I started to cum baby" she whispered in my ear and having seen him going down on her just recently really brought it home. I moaned back at her that it turned me on to hear that - I hadn't even noticed that she was rubbing her own breasts and pulling at her nipples as she talked but now I did - even through the thin material, she was tweaking them quite firmly. But it was hearing her say "I loved feeling his tongue gently licking at my clit and then all the way down to my hole and then back up" - the arousal and intensity in her voice was just amazing as I swear, if she'd had her eyes closed, she might have almost re-lived it. I was so close I was moaning and I guess I was pretty frantic tugging away at my cock because a moment later she said "and then I felt his tongue go in me and I started to cum baby, mmmmmm". That was it, I was horny enough already last night and hearing her tell me that did it - I grunted and felt my body shake as I let go with a huge load of cum all over. I felt her hand on my shoulder as I stroked away and she whispered "oh god, that makes me so horny to see" as I pulled the last spurts out and then let the rest dribble down my hand,

As I lay there catching my breath, I swore that she'd cum too - not a huge orgasm, but I definitely sensed that she'd cum and was very into sharing the moment with me.

It's about 10am here now so I'm going to cook up some breakfast for us and I"m sure the smells will bring the kids and her out of their slumber.

 

[dana007]

STB
So now that the kid's, are at home what has Sue . said about how and when she will see Paul again.
keep us posted.

 

[SquirmingSub]

Steve does your college aged kids have any idea that Sue has male friends which she sees? I only ask as I have known a few couples IRL that have addressed questions presented by there children once they reached the college age especially when the children made it known that they were aware or suspicious. Just curious...

 

[SoonToBe]

Squirm - so far, no our kids don't have a clue but then again, they just got home and we've curtailed things over the holidays or breaks when they were home. Our daughter is still a virgin (she and Sue talk) at 19 1/2 and I joked with Sue that she surely doesn't take after her mom which earned me a playful slap. Our son has a girlfriend and a busy enough social life that he barely pays attention to us when he is home.

For Dana and others, what we have agreed to is that on Thursday evenings, that is going to be when mom and dad go out for the evening - dinner and whatever - or us going out with people from work, etc. And that will be when I either drop her off at Pauls or stay there with them - but yes, that'll be our cover so she can see him at least once a week during the evening. She's talked about coming home later one night a week with the excuse of going-to-the-gym after work. That may be workable if she brings some workout looking clothes with her to work. She said she'd be leaving work early maybe Tuesdays to go see him.

The reason I can answer these questions with a bit more certainty is also because of all we talked about this weekend including what we both wanted for the future. Both kids had gone off to their friends for most of the weekend on and off so Sue and I had plenty of time to talk.

Rather than trying to recap bits of conversation across 3 days of time, easier to just hit the highlights for now.

Sue was very frank (very punny) about a lot of stuff. She came out and said she is enjoying what we are doing and that she feels very relaxed about everything and we've even penned in a weekend away of either June 13th or June 20th. We both felt it better to leave it a bit more unplanned for right now as she said she wants to enjoy building up to the weekend instead of having it be in the forefront for the next few weeks.

We talked quite openly about my enjoying the beta-role with her. She said that she is really becoming more comfortable with things and yes, she's said that her pen-pals are quite supportive of her assuming more control in the bedroom. We talked about what she felt about me being the beta and she said that she knows very well of my arousal at what she does sexually and that she feels that if it's really what I want, that it's not something I need to hide from her or that we both can't enjoy. I agreed with her and I told her that just like her, I felt more relaxed around her and that I thought we were actually getting along really well with this sexual-denial arousal thing going on. I told her that waiting for her is even more exciting knowing that in the not too distant future that I am going to get my turn and that waiting for her is really turning me on. She was equally complimentary back to me and she said that she loves seeing how horny I am and she was the one who said again that she loves sharing my masturbation with me. I told her that it felt good that I could let myself enjoy it with her like we are and she cooed and said she felt so horny and turned on watching me and sharing my orgasm with me.

She again told me how much more comfortable she felt sharing herself with me now too. I know others here say it sounds contrived, but there is such a genuine honest sound in her voice when she tells me that she is feeling better about letting me see her explicitly and that she is feeling better about knowing she can control what she/we do sexually and even more so, that I am enjoying it even if I don't get to touch her.

Other parts of our conversation focused around my desires as a beta and what she felt she was going to want with regards to them. As I'd already said, I told her flatly that I was enjoying being the beta for her. She asked that I tell her again what I felt that meant and I told her what I'd said to her already, that now, for like 4-5 weeks or so, that if she felt horny or wanted something sexual that she could/should look to him to satisfy that. That was when she began to say what she wants on her side. As we'd already talked she said that she wanted to have a bit more control and she started to tell me more explicitly what she was thinking. First was that she reminded me that sex wasn't off the table between us during our 4-5 week denial period, but that it was her who would decide on what did or did not take place. I agreed and told her that I thought we were already doing that with how she's been controlling things these last 2 Thursday's for example. She smiled and said that was correct and that was how I should assume things will be. She continued and said that on the times when she does want some contact with me, she said "remember how we used to do it with Robert" and I immediately remembered and told her "yeah, I had to 'stay on the outside'" and she smiled and said "that's right baby".

What she said after that was what got me both turned on as well as surprised in general about just how she seems to have changed in terms of what she's wanting and is aware of sexually. She said to me that she was reading about cuckolds on the web - and shes said to me "no, I didn't read your stuff" - but she did say that she'd read a lot of stuff and she asked me more about my beta-desires.

I am pretty sure I know what website she read it at - but she proceeded to tell me that she even understood how hard it might have been for me to accept that I wanted to try the beta role and she said that if it's what I really wanted then she wanted to know more. How much did I really want to have her push and do. She said that she knew that us playing with a month or so denial "seems long for some people, but others say they've gone for much longer" and she said it surprised her at some of what people said they were doing. I reminded her that a lot of what she read might be just fantasies and she giggled and said "so, they're probably fantasies because they're too chicken to talk about it like we do".

That did make me feel good and I told her so. She hugged me and kissed me and said that we could only do this stuff if we talked about it and made sure of things with each other. So I told her that I thought it was very hot what she'd been doing these past few weeks, spending 2 nights with Paul. She squealed at that and said that was so good that I wanted that for her as she said it made her feel wonderful and asked me if for me, it felt like things just clicked into place. I coughed and managed to tell her yes, that it seemed to be something that worked for me. She asked if it still turned me on like it always did and I, a little embarassed, told her yes. She hugged me and told me again that it's okay if this aroused me and that she loved sharing it with me like we are now.

I was content but I somehow felt and was right in thinking that she had more to tell me. She held my hands and thanked me. I was confused but she said that she'd really started feeling better about herself and everything in these past few weeks and that she thought this was one of my goals in all "of this" was to get her to be more sexual again and I told her that was always a goal. She looked at me and said "and that I want more too" which made me smile and say "also like you used to be" which made her really smile and then hug me.

She looked at me and said that for as long as I want to be the beta, she giggled and said "I don't mind being the alpha" (which I know came from some cuckold website) and she said that she was enjoying the sense of control she has. She giggled and said in a sexy voice "you'll be really wanting me by the time we go away baby".....

 

[SquirmingSub]

Steve it would seem that you and Sue have had a very positive weekend with openly honest conversation which may have lead to establishing expectations for you both for the future. Enjoy the journey...

 

[SoonToBe]

Just a few thoughts before work.
Squirm - you are correct - we are both being more specific in what we would like to see happen between us and with others.
But I am also aware that things are and have changed such that we really can never go back to how things were. When we talked about it we both agreed that what we've been doing - and what she's learned about herself - are things that can't be undone. As I think I put it here - she can't be un-fucked. I don't know that I'll want the beta-role with her forever and I know that she feels the same way, she may have not said it explicitly but it is what i know inside. I am also very aware that I may never get to resume the alpha-role I had for so many years, again by virtue of the same circumstances, she wants to retain some or all of that. It has been over 8 years now that she's been with other men and I still have much of the same arousal and horniness about it all, so is it likely to change, no.

No, I am going to be honest and say that the combination of arousal/horniness and calmness/well-being feelings are a most interesting mix to feel. We have started to look at possible resorts or areas to go visit when we take our time, I am hoping that we will head away on Friday - either morning or half-day from work and then come back on Monday to give us 3 nights away together. Thinking Friday 6/12 but maybe not till the following week. It makes me crazy horny to think that I have another 2 weeks to wait to have sex with her, she's right - I'll be wicked horny for her by then.