Denial 2015

[SoonToBe]

I suspected there would be a rash of replies and I"m not disappointed. Sue is off to sleep already and I told her I'd be quiet when I came in.

Raks - I see all of your points and I do agree with a lot of them. The only things I can say right now are that things are about to change in less than 2 weeks so in this way, Wing has the right thought, to let her have this time till it has to change. At that point, also as Wing said, to me, there will be an obvious need to talk and establish some of the boundaries and answer some of the questions that you seem to have more than I do. I think this is the only thing I can say to you and Peak, and it's that right now I am enjoying this. Yes, it scares me that things can be happening, but I don't think they are to the degree you believe them to. Again, I can't convey things fully as many here have pointed out. Whether Sue is being honest or deceitful or somewhere in-between about her inner-conflict about me - I can't say for sure - some of what she says surely rings true.

I will say that I am sure that some of my inner wranglings right now are related to things you are saying, changes in our relationship. However, it's more than just Sue. I can't deny that I am definitely aroused by what we are doing. I keep saying it sounds crazy to enjoy giving up sex with her, but it has me aroused still at almost 5 weeks into it. If anything, her teasing is intensifying it - and a part of me still believes that she knows that and that is still a motivation for her.

It does excite and even thrill me in a peculiar way that seems to be as I've described, strangely satisfying. Her being totally off limits has made me far more aware of her and everything about her - and she - yes, despite things, clearly has a much greater awareness of what I am feeling arousal-wise. I didn't come out to her with my beta-desires because it just sounded good and like it might be fun. I said it to her honestly and for as strange as it sounds, I still feel that way. As I said, I hadn't envisioned this degree of denial, but I did expect her to want him, and at least in my head, some of her desire for him is still rooted in that. Call it what you will, but I do feel this way.

I will say that my anxiety was certainly eased when it was her that told me that she expected that we would return to having sex over the summer. And perhaps that's the thing I have a hard time putting into perspective of letting this play out as she seems to be saying it will or making a bigger deal about things right now. If anything, what she said seemed to clearly imply that after these next few weeks things will change and that over the following weeks, over the summer, that this change will include having sex again. I'm not sure if or why I want to change that right now. Sure she is liking, or more likely loving the sex with Paul, but even I can see a change in her eagerness. In the past, she'd be wired and excited tonight about seeing him and "all that" tomorrow, but tonight, she seemed to be in just a normal, if not even quieter mood.

These are the things that I look at that resonate with me as feeling it from how she is acting and behaving, not necessarily something that is always fully complemented in conversation. But I digress. I guess the question back to everyone is what is the right level of denial that would leave me aroused and horny and yet would ease everyone's concerns here? In the meanwhile, it is me that is wired tonight thinking about seeing them together tomorrow for the first time in many weeks now.

Sorry Golf - I just posted this and then updated it to say that I posted it before I read your update.
Unfortunately, I need to head off to bed right now and fight off my hard-on. I'll read your update but will likely wait till tomorrow night to reply.

 

[manon]

Steve,

Strong words follow yet know the advise imparted is only advise and meant in respect and for the well being and happiness of your marriage.

Balance Balance Balance in any relationship is the key. With any endeavor, in this arena, it SHOULD be us us us not Sue Sue Sue.

That is what I hear from your last few postings.

In my humble view I would advocate returning to a "shared" journey. Not a Sue journey as it appears to have manifest here of late.

What is a shared journey? To some, it is where each spouse has equal input and the outcome should enhance the relationship.

Ask yourself why did Sue marry Steve? What qualities stood out that drew her too you? Are these qualities being displayed now?

With any endeavor there should be a plan. To set on a journey based on emotions and self need, for a couple, is one sided and can be very perilous and fraught with dangerous potential outcomes.

Sue has changed over the past couple or so years and you appear to be discovering the total extent regarding this of late? After the fact, with her as your wife and after the many, many discussions you two would seem to share?

In reality not a rosy picture is painted here.

Balance Steve I advise balance. Speak up. Firm up. let the "husband" speak up of his need. His side of the story.

Regards,

 

[wingman]

..... The only things I can say right now are that things are about to change in less than 2 weeks so in this way, Wing has the right thought, to let her have this time till it has to change. At that point, also as Wing said, to me, there will be an obvious need to talk and establish some of the boundaries and answer some of the questions that you seem to have more than I do......

Don't forget the funest part... Push those boundaries over the next two weeks!!!

 

[SoonToBe]

Well - last night was a complete surprise.

To keep it short - yes I met her at Pauls last night. I got there a little later than expected and when I came in she was already in her lounging-attire which, I think for my benefit, was just one of Paul's dress shirts as she'd long been doing in the past.

What surprised me was the pleasant conversation with Paul where he thanked me for "borrowing Sue" as he has and he told me things that matched Sue's version exactly..... He is AMAZED at the sex with her and thanked me for backing-down with her to let her be as horny as she is with him. He again told me he has no designs on her at all - instead repeated what he'd said and what she'd told me - that he loves the sex with her and that it's all he's really looking for right now. We talked about other stuff - when Sue was out of the room he asked me how I was managing and revealed that Sue had said I wasn't nearly as sexualy active with her as in the past. As I started to tell him about things he said "well that's going to change in another 2 weeks" and he proceeded to tell me that his summer golf-league will be starting and that he's likely to see LESS of Sue!!!

I won't recall everything because alone and together with Sue, we must have talked for a while - yes, all the while she was flashing me and him under his dress-shirt - and yes - keeping us all hard! Eventually the talk turned to sex.... The two of them went off to his bedroom alone first and I gave them some time alone. when I heard "sounds" from his room I made my way down the hallway to there and again I got to see her lying back naked on the bed with Paul's face buried in her pussy and her hands on the back of his head.

Same as in the past, I was hesitant to be so close to them while they're into each other but I did move closer as he moved up and began to rub his cock all around her pussy including running it up through her swollen pussy lips. Her eyes were closed and she was moaning away and it was so intense to see her getting wetter and wetter and then see him push his cock with the huge head into her pussy. She moaned loudly as he entered her and then, my god - it's been so long since I saw them - she was so into it with him pulling her legs back and encouraging him in deeper.

It happened very quickly - it was obvious they have been lovers for a LONG time now. She responded so freely and easily with him and I have to say again that she just looks beautiful with him - especially as I saw her cum a few minor times with him. I moved onto the bed next to them but out of sight as in the past and I was struggling whether I should whip out my cock and jerk-off or to wait and just watch. Well, it wasn't an OR, it was an AND because I couldn't take my eyes off the two of them, okay, I couldn't take my eyes off his cock in her - I wasn't even noticing the rest of them!

I had started to stroke myself slowly as I recognized the signs - even after not seeing them together for a few weeks now - I so remembered how he sounded and moved when he was about to cum in her and wow did I get so turned on knowing it was coming. I will say it again - I am a cuck and I love to see him inside Sue's pussy knowing he's about to cum in her. I'd even say I stopped stroking when I knew the moment was imminent.

That was when things changed. Oh yes, Paul fucked her beautifully - yes, perhaps even better than I ever had - and my god, she looked so beautiful as her head thrashed back and forth and her chest heaved as she felt him. And then I heard him grunt and thrust deep into her once and then twice and I know on the third he'd be filling her vagina - and sure enough - he thrust deep in and after staying still a moment - he began to fuck her more. His cum seemed to form a foamy ring around his cock and I watched her respond!!!! Wow did she respond. She pulled her own legs back even further and there was no doubt he wasn't done with her - in the moments that followed his cock stayed hard and deep in her and he again brought her to a truly amazing orgasm that left her lying almost motionless on the bed in a sweaty mess.

And that was when it changed. He looked towards me and saw me kneeling close and I guess he realized I was looking at his cock and he pulled it slowly out of her letting me watch. He had softened up but even so, the big head on his cock was visible in stretching her out before it popped out of her leaving her open and very wet. In instant he sort of high-five-d me and said "tag out - your turn" as if it were a wrestling match. Seeing her lying there motionless with everything on display for us got to me. He moved off the bed and said something like "go for it".

And I did! I stood up, slid off my boxers and I climbed on the bed. In a moment of pure instinct and desire for me - I knelt between her spread legs and my cock was rock hard. I placed it at the opening to her pussy and in one smoooth motion I went for it and plunged into her!!!!

She must have felt the difference in our shapes as her eyes opened widely and she glanced down at who and what was entering her and when she looked back up at me she smiled at me and seemed to pull her legs back just a bit more. She didn't say anything and I didn't need very long at all. My god it was the first time feeling her pussy in over a month and the first time in her bare now in almost 4 1/12 months. It felt so intense - my god I had missed it SOOOOOOOO much. She felt loose and hot and wet and open and it didn't matter to me - I fucked her barely for maybe 2-3 minutes before I felt the urge and went for it. She was looking right up at me when she knew I was going to cum in her too. As I really started in on her I lay against her and she whispered in my ear "give it to me baby". That was it - my god - hearing her whisper set me off almost instantly and did I ever cum!!!! I felt at least 6 or 7 huge spurts of cum and I could hear my cock squelching and squishing in and out of her. But I was also still rock-hard and when I realized that - I kept going and kept fucking her as long as I could. Sure enough, with now both loads of our cum plus her own from cumming with both of us, her pussy was a soup-bowl that was drooling cum all over the bed. But I kept at it and she responded - just as she'd done with Paul. A moment later her eyes rolled back in her head and she moaned deeply as I kept at it and just as Paul had done, a moment later she lay there as limp as a damp washcloth.

He had left the room by the time I came in her and when I'd calmed down and she'd caught her breath we were still lying there hugging and now kissing each other passionately. I told her I loved her and she hugged me deeply and said she felt the same way. We kissed and I looked at her and said "I guess I should maybe be going soon.... Is Paul going to be okay with all this...." She giggled and said "yeah, we talked about this earlier and he said he wanted to do this with you" apparently he'd told her that it'd been a long time and that he thought I should "take a turn" when he was done. She said "I thought you needed it too baby".

It was quite erotic when I pulled out of her and she lay still on the bed with her legs still spread and knees still bent. Her pussy was literally now open wide and there was a big wet-spot on the bed under her. She pulled the sheet on his bed up over her as I got dressed (oh yes, she sucked my cock clean too!!!!) while she stayed in his bed for him. I asked whether she was going to stay there and she giggled and said "he's not done tonight yet". I leaned down and told her that I loved her and that she should enjoy her time with him and that I would be eagerly awaiting her when she gets home.

With a hug and a kiss, I reluctantly left her there with him, but I admit, after being so well satisfied by our fuck, it was easier. I saw Paul in the other room and he and I talked for a moment "done already?" he asked and I joked that he'd warmed her up so much it didn't take long!! It was easier talking to him but still awkward knowing I was leaving her with him but in the end I just said "take good care of her" and he said "always". We shook hands and I left. It was well after 11pm when I got home......

So, not sure if this is what she'd planned - but it surely is a change in direction.

 

[SoonToBe]

Well - last night was a complete surprise.

To keep it short - yes I met her at Pauls last night. I got there a little later than expected and when I came in she was already in her lounging-attire which, I think for my benefit, was just one of Paul's dress shirts as she'd long been doing in the past.

What surprised me was the pleasant conversation with Paul where he thanked me for "borrowing Sue" as he has and he told me things that matched Sue's version exactly..... He is AMAZED at the sex with her and thanked me for backing-down with her to let her be as horny as she is with him. He again told me he has no designs on her at all - instead repeated what he'd said and what she'd told me - that he loves the sex with her and that it's all he's really looking for right now. We talked about other stuff - when Sue was out of the room he asked me how I was managing and revealed that Sue had said I wasn't nearly as sexualy active with her as in the past. As I started to tell him about things he said "well that's going to change in another 2 weeks" and he proceeded to tell me that his summer golf-league will be starting and that he's likely to see LESS of Sue!!!

I won't recall everything because alone and together with Sue, we must have talked for a while - yes, all the while she was flashing me and him under his dress-shirt - and yes - keeping us all hard! Eventually the talk turned to sex.... The two of them went off to his bedroom alone first and I gave them some time alone. when I heard "sounds" from his room I made my way down the hallway to there and again I got to see her lying back naked on the bed with Paul's face buried in her pussy and her hands on the back of his head.

Same as in the past, I was hesitant to be so close to them while they're into each other but I did move closer as he moved up and began to rub his cock all around her pussy including running it up through her swollen pussy lips. Her eyes were closed and she was moaning away and it was so intense to see her getting wetter and wetter and then see him push his cock with the huge head into her pussy. She moaned loudly as he entered her and then, my god - it's been so long since I saw them - she was so into it with him pulling her legs back and encouraging him in deeper.

It happened very quickly - it was obvious they have been lovers for a LONG time now. She responded so freely and easily with him and I have to say again that she just looks beautiful with him - especially as I saw her cum a few minor times with him. I moved onto the bed next to them but out of sight as in the past and I was struggling whether I should whip out my cock and jerk-off or to wait and just watch. Well, it wasn't an OR, it was an AND because I couldn't take my eyes off the two of them, okay, I couldn't take my eyes off his cock in her - I wasn't even noticing the rest of them!

I had started to stroke myself slowly as I recognized the signs - even after not seeing them together for a few weeks now - I so remembered how he sounded and moved when he was about to cum in her and wow did I get so turned on knowing it was coming. I will say it again - I am a cuck and I love to see him inside Sue's pussy knowing he's about to cum in her. I'd even say I stopped stroking when I knew the moment was imminent.

That was when things changed. Oh yes, Paul fucked her beautifully - yes, perhaps even better than I ever had - and my god, she looked so beautiful as her head thrashed back and forth and her chest heaved as she felt him. And then I heard him grunt and thrust deep into her once and then twice and I know on the third he'd be filling her vagina - and sure enough - he thrust deep in and after staying still a moment - he began to fuck her more. His cum seemed to form a foamy ring around his cock and I watched her respond!!!! Wow did she respond. She pulled her own legs back even further and there was no doubt he wasn't done with her - in the moments that followed his cock stayed hard and deep in her and he again brought her to a truly amazing orgasm that left her lying almost motionless on the bed in a sweaty mess.

And that was when it changed. He looked towards me and saw me kneeling close and I guess he realized I was looking at his cock and he pulled it slowly out of her letting me watch. He had softened up but even so, the big head on his cock was visible in stretching her out before it popped out of her leaving her open and very wet. In instant he sort of high-five-d me and said "tag out - your turn" as if it were a wrestling match. Seeing her lying there motionless with everything on display for us got to me. He moved off the bed and said something like "go for it".

And I did! I stood up, slid off my boxers and I climbed on the bed. In a moment of pure instinct and desire for me - I knelt between her spread legs and my cock was rock hard. I placed it at the opening to her pussy and in one smoooth motion I went for it and plunged into her!!!!

She must have felt the difference in our shapes as her eyes opened widely and she glanced down at who and what was entering her and when she looked back up at me she smiled at me and seemed to pull her legs back just a bit more. She didn't say anything and I didn't need very long at all. My god it was the first time feeling her pussy in over a month and the first time in her bare now in almost 4 1/12 months. It felt so intense - my god I had missed it SOOOOOOOO much. She felt loose and hot and wet and open and it didn't matter to me - I fucked her barely for maybe 2-3 minutes before I felt the urge and went for it. She was looking right up at me when she knew I was going to cum in her too. As I really started in on her I lay against her and she whispered in my ear "give it to me baby". That was it - my god - hearing her whisper set me off almost instantly and did I ever cum!!!! I felt at least 6 or 7 huge spurts of cum and I could hear my cock squelching and squishing in and out of her. But I was also still rock-hard and when I realized that - I kept going and kept fucking her as long as I could. Sure enough, with now both loads of our cum plus her own from cumming with both of us, her pussy was a soup-bowl that was drooling cum all over the bed. But I kept at it and she responded - just as she'd done with Paul. A moment later her eyes rolled back in her head and she moaned deeply as I kept at it and just as Paul had done, a moment later she lay there as limp as a damp washcloth.

He had left the room by the time I came in her and when I'd calmed down and she'd caught her breath we were still lying there hugging and now kissing each other passionately. I told her I loved her and she hugged me deeply and said she felt the same way. We kissed and I looked at her and said "I guess I should maybe be going soon.... Is Paul going to be okay with all this...." She giggled and said "yeah, we talked about this earlier and he said he wanted to do this with you" apparently he'd told her that it'd been a long time and that he thought I should "take a turn" when he was done. She said "I thought you needed it too baby".

It was quite erotic when I pulled out of her and she lay still on the bed with her legs still spread and knees still bent. Her pussy was literally now open wide and there was a big wet-spot on the bed under her. She pulled the sheet on his bed up over her as I got dressed (oh yes, she sucked my cock clean too!!!!) while she stayed in his bed for him. I asked whether she was going to stay there and she giggled and said "he's not done tonight yet". I leaned down and told her that I loved her and that she should enjoy her time with him and that I would be eagerly awaiting her when she gets home.

With a hug and a kiss, I reluctantly left her there with him, but I admit, after being so well satisfied by our fuck, it was easier. I saw Paul in the other room and he and I talked for a moment "done already?" he asked and I joked that he'd warmed her up so much it didn't take long!! It was easier talking to him but still awkward knowing I was leaving her with him but in the end I just said "take good care of her" and he said "always". We shook hands and I left. It was well after 11pm when I got home......

So, not sure if this is what she'd planned - but it surely is a change in direction.

 

[manon]

Steve,

Of course it was "planned" happening in direct response and timing to "your" desire/concerns communicated to Sue over the weekend.

This is a wonderful example and "take away" of equal input from both spouses and how this can benefit "your" relationship.

Would advise to continue striving for balance that way this can run a longer term. The whole point of my suggestions earlier with enhancing.

The only "little" concern is her communicating with Paul. That would tend to show she wants much longer term with him and may not have communicated to you, her husband any "long" terms potential plans.

Of course, on the flip side it may have been to address your concerns now so you would not attempt to pull the plug when the kids come back with no long term designs.

Key point is you will not always have the kids to use as a reason "crutch". Rather for long term success you need to communicate your half portion and drive this car halfway.

Wonderful journey Steve. )

Congrats!

 

[golfman2315]

Really glad this happened Steve.

IMO this is the kind of scenario I thought you guys would have. Paul was / is the alpha (Sue May really be) and as you said warmed her up and then you got seconds. I never expected or do I think this will or would be everytime but I do think you need to be more involved or like Manon said it is all about Sue and there needs to be more balance.

I do believe Sue had to be sensing you were almost at the breaking point from your discussions and as I have said before I think her denying you is more about what she thinks you want than what she would prefer. I think she felt in order to give you your beta fix she needed to really push not only the physical denial but the mental as well.

Wonder if there is any chance Paul went down on her after you left? I wouldn't be surprised if he did?

 

[peakmb]

Steve,
I'm glad your week turned out this way. It was surprising to me to happen this week, I always believed it would happen in two weeks time, but it was the right thing.

I don't believe it was at Paul's insistence. He may have contributed to the idea id Sue appraised him of your true denial, or even hinted it, but he's not in charge of their relationship, so for him to make the offer he did must have meant it was planned to come that way by Sue before you even got there.

The thing that gets me intrigued is why did Sue decide this now? To us reading this thread is was fairly obvious that things were approaching a breaking point with you. Many of us were detecting an imbalance and held Sue up to blame for it. As the Beta, you were partly responsible too but not the major player for obvious reasons. It makes me wonder now that Sue is receiving feedback either directly (I suspect unlikely) or indirectly from her 'advisors' on precisely what is appearing here. This shouldn't be a surprise. Anyone who professes any genuine knowledge of the cuckold world will be aware there are very few sites of any real consequence and this one is consistently on the first page of a Google search on the term. This series of threads has been one of the highlights of this site for several years now. At least of the 'advisors' must therefore be at least aware and using that knowledge to advise Sue. If its true I'm not sure where it gets you with us here. If true everything you say and we say ultimately will get filtered, digested and passed on to Sue. I think you need to know more about the source of her advice and determine whether you yourself would trust it. It certainly seems to have taken you both well outside your normal zone and perhaps into danger / out of comfort even if you have both enjoyed some aspects of it. Without really understanding and discussing it together first you have risked a lot and continue to do so. If you trust the motives of the advisors, this risk is reduced, but I think you need to know more.

Now that the denial has been broken, it will be very interesting to see how the next two weeks (my bet is little for you), but more particularly the following weeks pan out. As ever its going to be interesting.

 

[raksdeer]

Glad it happened. Glad that Sue listened to what you were looking for.

On the lighter note...I hope she didn't feel pressurized to do it.

 

[manon]

Steve

Good way to open dialogue might be to first ask Sue if she had her "perfect" wishes, going forward, what does she want or envisions, what would they be?

Take sometime yourself if needed then to digest your wants then come back and put it on the table to reach a middle ground.

This way your beginning a "structured" approach and setting foundation para-dine. Just the exercise itself will bring "value" and set the way forward for a more balanced approach.

Remember it will only get much worse if you don't.

Feelings can turn into habits then become more ingrained the longer this goes. More extremes, will typically come, longer potential denial and much more danger ensues.

Good reason to start inputting now and not use the kids as the crutch. Sue needs to fully understand your true thoughts, as she has repeatedly asked previously and you have to this point, for the most part caved. Then, she goes into the kissey, lovey, phase saying it will be good for us.

You have seen the result last night and you should take note and apply more in the right context.

Have you ever thought she wants you to stand up a little more and express your desire for her? Most ladies want to be desired the most from the love of their life. They may find bewilderment if there husband does not speak-up at sometime.

Thinking this thru, I believe it can be very dangerous to continue down your present path. I would advise to have the initial talk before the kids come home less you want to play along with Sue's plan and Paul spending the "Summer" on the "golf" course! Really! Sound kinds of hokey and he did not have much time to possibly come up with something better. AKA Sue spoke to him and he is of course is acting in "his" best interests so he goes along playing the sympathetic person concerned for your well being. This being the same person who got "upset" when you got sick and stopped Sue from seeing him for a few days previously!

Now, you have some long experiences to look at to better "gauge" the big picture with more realistic considerations from "actions"

Some input for your thoughts Steve.

Regarding Peak's very interesting and relevant point concerning this forum and advisers. I think by now it is a given she receives input concerning this thread. Too much has happened from her actions since ole Honey Monster got kicked and banned. Several times you have communicated earlier that we seem to read her mind or possibly in communication with her. Rather, much more realistic to see Sue is reading this or at the very least has an "agent" running commentary so she can truly tell you she respects your privacy on this forum. )

A few times in the past, she has surprised you and given you exactly what you have expressed here. Looking back, I see a logical conclusion ) Words here driving to action.

Simple way to find out is wait and see what happens but that would be a conundrum.

Regards

 

[SoonToBe]

Well, after staying at a buddy's house to watch the Rangers game (awesome OT period - some of the best 12 minutes of hockey ever) - came home much later than expected and actually slept pretty well last night. Right now - just horny to have her home again this evening.

I glossed over some of the conversation I had with Paul before things got underway. From that it seemed he knew that I was having less sex with Sue and it seemed that he associated that with the amount of time/sex he was having with Sue so that was part of the conversation we had - about her being there so much lately and how I was feeling about that. He was aware of some of Sue's "issues" that she was working through and he said he hoped he was helping it - but he admitted it was pretty weird to him. But I was surprisingly calm and found it easy to talk to him, especially when Sue was out of the room, and tell him that I was enjoying the change in things for the time being. And that was part of what I'd mentioned that he'd said about things in the future with regards to his golf-league starting which means that Sue will not be spending as much time with him.

I would assume that the people Sue emails with have possibly found and read and even relate what I write here to her. But I am not posting anything here that is really revelational or somehow revealing anything - other than my thoughts which I do share with her. Sue has long said she knows where I post and perhaps she is even reading this and all of your thoughts and input were what was at play on Tuesday night. I'm sure they discussed things before I got there which may also account for her seeming eager accommodation of me.

What I can say is that even now I have such a strong longing to feel her again. Not only fucking her after a month - but my god, feeling her pussy bare after so long - wow. I know that even now I can close my eyes and "feel" her pussy - the slickness, the openness and my god - just the way it grabs and strokes my whole cock (especially compared to my hand). I will say that I had a fleeting thought of "should I cum in her?" but then I felt that she was really into it and I knew she wasn't going to complain about it.

Will this be our pattern for the future - I am hoping so. Golf - I had to laugh at your question but I'll try to find out - I am sure to ask her what happened after I left as her Emails to me (no phone call last night - that would have been weird during the hockey game at my buddy's) have been vague other than to tell me she "had more fun".

After feeling her again last night, my god the desire level in me has skyrocketed - so maybe some sort of periodic fun for us. I still have to admit that I rather enjoyed our denial-play - but now realize that we need to have some together time in there. I was thinking of some scheduled time for us - as others suggested, maybe 3 weeks off and then 1 week on - but now after this surprise, I am perhaps thinking that rather than a fixed schedule, that it would be a surprise and treat if she would do it randomly and surprise me.

Manon and others - with the short time now (just 2 weekends) before our kids get home, you are correct, an open discussion about what Tuesday night meant in context with everything else is in order.

Of course, I am hoping that tonight will be a repeat of these last few weeks when she's come home to me - I'll even say that I deliberately didn't jerk-off last night in hopes.

 

[Knk069]

Steve,
Congratulations on getting some very well deserved bare pussy! I can only imagine how wonderful it must have felt after such a long time! I will be very curious about how things go over the next few weeks. My guess is that as the denial dragged along, you naturally suppressed your urges (but probably not desires) to get through. Now that you have had a taste of the forbidden fruit, your urges may go back to full throttle and any denial may be much harder in the near future (couple weeks, maybe more).

Something you wrote recently got me thinking about Sue's "issues" she is working through. You said her excitement level before visiting Paul wasn't so high as before. I think she may be getting to a transition point. Paul has served as a lover she wants to have sex with and didn't feel obligated like she did with you. She was happy to find time to see him. New relationship excitement does that. She was visiting him (or having him over with you) because that is what she wanted. Paul put no demands for sex on her because he was happy to get it when she made herself available. But there may be a subtle shift happening, or about to happen.

Sue has locked in on a Tuesday/Wednesday night stayover schedule with Paul. With the kids coming home and Paul golfing, she will have to get with him during the limited times that are available. Those times may not always be convenient for her and she might start feeling an obligation to go have sex with Paul to keep up his interest and their relationship on solid ground. In other words, she may start feeling the same internal pressures for sex with Paul as she felt with you over the years. This may take some time to play out but will be very interesting to watch and see what develops.

As always, thank you Steve for your postings and insights into this great relationship you three have.

 

[SoonToBe]

I find myself always very happy and excited when I know she'll be home soon after being away for a few days. After Tuesday, I am really looking forward to seeing her and just being together - and yes, talking about what happened and what will be. It's obvious that we will have to talk about it, hopefully after she teases me till I explode later!!!

Knk - I am still kind of tingling when I think of how she felt bare and all the thoughts that went with it even in the short time I enjoyed her. You also mentioned her excitement with Paul that I thought I'd seen diminishing. I still feel that. Yes, they were quite comfortable with each other, it was very erotic and horny to see her feel that at ease with him sexually and to see them being just so smooth together. But earlier when we were all together, I guess maybe there wasn't that excitement level then either. Not that she wasn't horny and he wasn't into her, but the level of intensity is definitely down from where it was. Of course that's only natural over time as everyone has pointed out. What I am happy about is that I really felt Paul was being honest with me when he said he was really enjoying the sex with Sue but that I didn't need to think about it going any further than that which is what Sue had also told me. So maybe it's true, that it is something that will run its course.

Both of them know that next week is the last mid-week time they'll have together like this. In some ways, I wonder if Sue had planned or hoped to have had sex with me on Tuesday, something about her response to me taking my turn with her seemed to lack a certain level of surprise, etc. I'm hoping that it'll be easier to talk about our denial-play now that the pressure has been relieved for a bit.

Time to get the BBQ warmed up.

 

[peakmb]

Steve,
Now that you have some time to reflect on the week I hope you realise that in terms of your sexual relations with Sue what just happened was the direct opposite of what she needs from you in the future. Sue needs to be wooed by you. She needs foreplay that may not quickly lead to lovemaking. She needs you to act as a lover. What you got this week was a pity fuck. As she said, she thought you needed it. She didn't say she did. I'm still glad for you it happened as I'm certain you are but you still have a long way to go.

If Sue really wanted to break the real intimacy denial she would have started it all at your home with just the two of you. An all night session that would have only culminated with your lovemaking. Definitely not a fuck. She chose not to do that and I think that still says a lot. You really need to talk...

 

[SoonToBe]

Well, apparently my invitation to have sex with her was at the urging of Paul who said that I should have some time with her. It obviously made me ask what she had told him and she said she didn't tell him about the full extent of our denial play but she did tell him/reminded him that I was using condoms with her and she said he was "concerned" when she said that I hadn't cum in her since New Years. She said that he said that he would think that was too long and it made me wonder what he would have thought if she'd told him the full truth. She said that she "saw his way of thinking" and that she is in agreement with me that we need some sort of schedule for us and that while she wasn't ready to resume full sexual relations with me, as we talked and I shared that I thought some better balance was needed (echoing many comments here) she said that all I had to do was ask her and that we could have changed things earlier and that it didn't have to be Paul who said I should finally have another turn in her.

We talked and she said that she still wanted to change things sexually with me and she said that she knows that total denial isn't a good thing for us and that when she felt herself really begin to cum again with me last Tuesday night, that she says she felt right then that we need some time like that for us. My beta-desires came up and I told her that I really found it amazingly hot to know she was his sexually like she had been, she in turn asked me how it was for me to be in full denial of her for the past month and I told her honestly that it had made me really want her even more and that I thought it, or maybe another week or two would be my limit in terms of building up my desire and at the same time, enjoying knowing what she is doing with him the rest of the time.

In the end with the kids coming home we agreed that every 4 or 5 weeks, that we will go away for a weekend or maybe a 3-day weekend when we will reconnect sexually. She said that she felt that by the time we go away perhaps in mid-June based on the calendar, that she feels she'll be ready to be with me that way for a full weekend by then and giggled that "it is going to feel amazing for us" - but we really talked openly about it all. I told her that I loved her taunting me like she'd done again this past Thursday and she admitted that it's been wonderful for her to still be able to enjoy how she feels still from being with Paul and yet she knows (now) that she's really turning me on by it all and she giggled that "based on how much you cum these days..." that she really understands that it turns me on.

She did however tell me that she wants to enjoy the feel of being exclusive with Paul (and knowing it teases the heck out of me) the rest of the time. She said that she is going to start to let me touch her and perhaps more, but she said that she absolutely isn't going to want me to make her cum or anything like that while she's with Paul and it's "his time". She told me very openly that she is truly loving how things feel between us and that while last Tuesday happened sooner than she'd thought it would, that now with Paul knowing more about what we are doing, and that now that she's been with me again and that she didn't have any kinds of negative feelings afterwards, she is ready to move ahead. I did share with her that I was concerned that my taking my turn with her might have undone some of what she's wanting and she said that she was surprised that she didn't feel differently afterwards and it's that feeling that's making her much more comfortable about being with me again.

We didn't talk about condoms, whether she is going to want me to use them with her or not, but she does know that they represent something that really turns me on, that of giving her boyfriend something so intimate. We DID talk about that and she asked me how I felt now after so much time and now again seeing and feeling what she's only had with Paul. It wasn't easy to say, I mean how to do you tell your wife that you seem to really enjoy knowing she is doing and experiencing that with another guy other than to just say it - so I told her. I told her how it had always turned me on that other guys got to fuck her and cum in her and that it turned me on that she enjoyed it too. She teased me a little bit but it was also a close moment when she told me that she had really begun to be able to enjoy sex like she used to (and she even thanked me for waking it up in her so to speak) and she told me that as I probably (duh) knew, missionary was always her favorite position and she said without any hesitation that a big part of it is how she feels in that position when "he cums in me". It was so exciting how she said it and I couldn't find the words to tell her how turned on it made me to think of other guys cocks in her and that it really made me horny when I saw how comfortable Paul was with her. She hugged me and again said that she felt comfortable with him and that was why she started to tell him more of what we are doing She said he didn't seem surprised when she told him again how much I liked him having sex with her. She knew it wasn't easy for me to tell her but she hugged me and said that she understood that it turned me on and that she hoped we would find a good balance over time.

As we talked I was able to tell her that while I really enjoyed the denial and all the play we have had, that after feeling her again last Tuesday, that I too was hoping we could find a good balance and that's when we sort of came up with the schedule of maybe every 4-5 weeks and she giggled and said "okay, but you have to take me away to have me (and also to be away from the kids if she's noisy!)" and that will be my turn with her. We talked about how we could look at this schedule and then have fun with when we go away in the future and maybe time it so we'll know ahead of time if I'll be having sex with her then or not. It actually turned quite hot when she giggled and joked about what will happen when we go away and it's not my turn to be with her. I told her that really turned me on how she'd said whether it's "my turn" or not.

At least that's been the conversation up to about 20 minutes ago when she ran out to buy flowers to plant in the front garden and the hanging baskets on the porch.

 

[SoonToBe]

Well, apparently my invitation to have sex with her was at the urging of Paul who said that I should have some time with her. It obviously made me ask what she had told him and she said she didn't tell him about the full extent of our denial play but she did tell him/reminded him that I was using condoms with her and she said he was "concerned" when she said that I hadn't cum in her since New Years. She said that he said that he would think that was too long and it made me wonder what he would have thought if she'd told him the full truth. She said that she "saw his way of thinking" and that she is in agreement with me that we need some sort of schedule for us and that while she wasn't ready to resume full sexual relations with me, as we talked and I shared that I thought some better balance was needed (echoing many comments here) she said that all I had to do was ask her and that we could have changed things earlier and that it didn't have to be Paul who said I should finally have another turn in her.

We talked and she said that she still wanted to change things sexually with me and she said that she knows that total denial isn't a good thing for us and that when she felt herself really begin to cum again with me last Tuesday night, that she says she felt right then that we need some time like that for us. My beta-desires came up and I told her that I really found it amazingly hot to know she was his sexually like she had been, she in turn asked me how it was for me to be in full denial of her for the past month and I told her honestly that it had made me really want her even more and that I thought it, or maybe another week or two would be my limit in terms of building up my desire and at the same time, enjoying knowing what she is doing with him the rest of the time.

In the end with the kids coming home we agreed that every 4 or 5 weeks, that we will go away for a weekend or maybe a 3-day weekend when we will reconnect sexually. She said that she felt that by the time we go away perhaps in mid-June based on the calendar, that she feels she'll be ready to be with me that way for a full weekend by then and giggled that "it is going to feel amazing for us" - but we really talked openly about it all. I told her that I loved her taunting me like she'd done again this past Thursday and she admitted that it's been wonderful for her to still be able to enjoy how she feels still from being with Paul and yet she knows (now) that she's really turning me on by it all and she giggled that "based on how much you cum these days..." that she really understands that it turns me on.

She did however tell me that she wants to enjoy the feel of being exclusive with Paul (and knowing it teases the heck out of me) the rest of the time. She said that she is going to start to let me touch her and perhaps more, but she said that she absolutely isn't going to want me to make her cum or anything like that while she's with Paul and it's "his time". She told me very openly that she is truly loving how things feel between us and that while last Tuesday happened sooner than she'd thought it would, that now with Paul knowing more about what we are doing, and that now that she's been with me again and that she didn't have any kinds of negative feelings afterwards, she is ready to move ahead. I did share with her that I was concerned that my taking my turn with her might have undone some of what she's wanting and she said that she was surprised that she didn't feel differently afterwards and it's that feeling that's making her much more comfortable about being with me again.

We didn't talk about condoms, whether she is going to want me to use them with her or not, but she does know that they represent something that really turns me on, that of giving her boyfriend something so intimate. We DID talk about that and she asked me how I felt now after so much time and now again seeing and feeling what she's only had with Paul. It wasn't easy to say, I mean how to do you tell your wife that you seem to really enjoy knowing she is doing and experiencing that with another guy other than to just say it - so I told her. I told her how it had always turned me on that other guys got to fuck her and cum in her and that it turned me on that she enjoyed it too. She teased me a little bit but it was also a close moment when she told me that she had really begun to be able to enjoy sex like she used to (and she even thanked me for waking it up in her so to speak) and she told me that as I probably (duh) knew, missionary was always her favorite position and she said without any hesitation that a big part of it is how she feels in that position when "he cums in me". It was so exciting how she said it and I couldn't find the words to tell her how turned on it made me to think of other guys cocks in her and that it really made me horny when I saw how comfortable Paul was with her. She hugged me and again said that she felt comfortable with him and that was why she started to tell him more of what we are doing She said he didn't seem surprised when she told him again how much I liked him having sex with her. She knew it wasn't easy for me to tell her but she hugged me and said that she understood that it turned me on and that she hoped we would find a good balance over time.

As we talked I was able to tell her that while I really enjoyed the denial and all the play we have had, that after feeling her again last Tuesday, that I too was hoping we could find a good balance and that's when we sort of came up with the schedule of maybe every 4-5 weeks and she giggled and said "okay, but you have to take me away to have me (and also to be away from the kids if she's noisy!)" and that will be my turn with her. We talked about how we could look at this schedule and then have fun with when we go away in the future and maybe time it so we'll know ahead of time if I'll be having sex with her then or not. It actually turned quite hot when she giggled and joked about what will happen when we go away and it's not my turn to be with her. I told her that really turned me on how she'd said whether it's "my turn" or not.

At least that's been the conversation up to about 20 minutes ago when she ran out to buy flowers to plant in the front garden and the hanging baskets on the porch.

 

[SquirmingSub]

Steve - it has been good to read on how your relationship with Sue has been progressing. Sounds like the two of you continue to have good communication overall, yes we all would agree that there are some areas were more communication might be needed although it does seem that you and Sue have come to an understanding. Finding your own version of balance as a couple within the imbalances as it may be seen by others on the outside. Looking forward to reading many more of your updates.

 

[peakmb]

Steve,
I suppose I could try being obsequious too but it’s not really me and I don’t think it would be helpful.

I still cannot see at all how you can square Sue’s desire to refocus your sexual desires (not longer demands) into what she wants to see from you in the future. Sue has said she wants you to be like her lover, and for that I would model Robert more than Paul, she wants you to seduce her before she makes love. If she wants to fuck, she definitely wants to be the one to initiate it with you, and given the past that may be a long time in coming (no pun intended). It may be that she is not yet ready to start this with you. You may not be sharing why she started this but you must know yourself just what started this, whether it came by slow build up or sudden realisation, she knows so by now you must. In essence she wants the man she married back, and in exchange she will give you the woman you married. Not easy, for either of you, but a goal to aim for and get a high % of perhaps.

Neither of you are going to get there by organising a frantic fuck time every 5 weeks or so when every moment will be dominated by the expected culmination that you at least will be so eager for. That is so anti romance as to be laughable as a solution and if Sue is serious about doing things this way it can only mean that she is guilting herself into a mercy fuck for you every so often again, ‘because she thinks you need it’. Her heart certainly didn’t seem in it to say she needed as much.

Rather than concentrating on the one once every fifth weekend, what I think you would be better doing is concentrating on the other time. I can’t recall you commenting on one date you have had with Sue alone since Christmas. You must have them but they were not worthy of comment. Think about what that says, and about what that would say to Sue if she knew ( and I’m guessing she does indirectly). You need something along the lines of the classic marriage guidance technique of ‘Sensate Focus’. A means of slowly re-introducing intimate contact by talking and touching only non intimate areas first. Look it up. It can take a long time before any intimate contact is initiated and longer still before you make love. I’m suggesting you start to date Sue. If you want to mix things up and still let Sue take the lead, then give her a set of cards with numbers on. She can hand one to you before you start, or even during if it’s working, 1 gets you to first base, 2 to second base etc.. Just like dating, the knowledge that all you can hope for is first base shouldn’t put you off, just make you romance her more. Maybe, just maybe once every so often you get to go all the way. I don’t think you should know in advance. Sue should have a mental checklist that you pass before you get there, and not tell you everything that’s on it in advance. This would be all about you re-learning to romance her. Incidentally, I see no reason for your cuckold desires not to be satisfied during all this by Sue continuing to see her lovers while you are trying to get what they get every night she sees them.

Currently, your main sexual outlet is your hand. I’m sure you’re good with it and get real satisfaction from it. You associate your denial and Sue’s lovers with it. It’s not a healthy long term cycle. Maybe you would be better to use it after your dates with Sue rather than during or after Sue’s dates with her lovers. It’s the association that needs to be rebalanced a little.

I wished I had a pound ($1.6) for every time you had told us that you don’t understand how you get so much excitement from knowing you like thinking of Sue with her lovers. If you don’t, we certainly can’t but more importantly, Sue can’t. Or a pound for every week you had told us how you longed to feel Sue again and then when she asked you, you told her how happy you were with your denial. Again, what understanding is she taking from that. It gets her to the point when even Paul, knowing so little in comparison, has to be persuade Sue to do something for you that you can’t ask for yourself. This left Sue looking stupid by the way, who do you think she blamed for that?

The longer Sue carries on with her lack of real intimacy with you, let alone lovemaking, and irrespective of who she is seeing as well, the more I am convinced there is something else unsaid going on. By all means keep it confidential while you work through it together, but please, address it with urgency. It’s making everything else look so unreal.

 

[SoonToBe]

Peak - I'll reply with more info later on but please remember, I don't post every thing that goes on between us - and I don't post anything about what we do in our leisure time - like last night for example, once it cooled off outside, the two of us shared a bottle of wine around our fire-pit and enjoyed some closeness and easy conversation. Other nights we go out to dinner together and stuff like that where we have some alone adult time. I've never posted details about our personal life as I just never found it belonged in here. Same could be said for sitting on our screened-in-porch having a cup of coffee in the morning before she leaves for work - or a glass of wine together in the evening.

So your last paragraph seems out of place, we share plenty of intimacy - perhaps not sexual "screaming as she orgasms" intimacy, but we do share plenty of close time. And with our newfound "schedule" and her growth in terms of being able to control her own feelings towards me and not be led by seeing my hard cock and "feeling sorry" for me - I can only see a better balance for us in the near future.

Plus, things are going to be changing in less than 5 or so days, her freedom to spend unlimited time with Paul will be coming to an end, we both know that and talked over this past weekend a bit more that it will be good for us to reconnect and build up towards when we'll go away for a weekend in mid-June.

Regarding the question of not understanding what turns me on. I do understand it, at least the physical part of it. We talked quite openly about that too. It's the mental part of it that I don't fully understand - why it turns me on so much to know Paul and others are fucking her. And it's not just fucking - for whatever reason, it really is that I like knowing other guys are fucking her - that she shared her pussy with them.

Anyway - let me run to a meeting now and can post more in a bit. But I think we are both in a good place - she's actually saying that she likes knowing she will be able to look-forward and plan for when we'll have our own time together now.

 

[cocu]

It's the mental part of it that I don't fully understand - why it turns me on so much to know Paul and others are fucking her.

Let me know if you figure that out. I've been reading, investigating, researching, questioning, analyzing, studying, ruminating, and fapping over that question for about 30 years. I've got some thoughts, of course, but still don't really get the "why" of it.