Steve,
It is well over a fortnight since I last posted. I was hoping for some further enlightenment from Sue, perhaps in the extra time she is now spending with you and not her lover. Some hint of why this started for her and where she sees it going. To suggest that she is doing this all as some sort of favour to you, to pamper to your new needs, is baleful. Why, in the very moment where she is supposedly taking charge would her most significant decision and action be to deny herself any pleasure from you? Just because she thinks you might want it? Hardly the action of someone newly in control of their sexual desires. No, someone newly in control would initiate sexual encounters with you that gave her the pleasures that she wanted, not just get excited at watching you get what you want. She may deny you any such pleasure or not, depending on her own thoughts, but she would surely get something herself. Particularly now when she is seeing so little of her human dildo. Even if it was only bringing herself off with Bill while you had to watch, it would be a visible sign of her own pleasure, but there has been very little of this activity by her.
I am surprised also that the subject of how long Paul might last has not come up between you. Your take on this has hopped about like a bunny on hot plate for some time. Funny to watch at times but surely only a function of your own equally changeable preferences on the issue. The decision of course is no longer yours to make, but I would have thought by now that Sue would have indicated her thoughts on the issue. It is pretty fundamental to everything going on after all. Look at it from her point of view. The man has just told her that he doesn’t have another woman but that in future all of his weekdays (and nights?) will be taken up with golf games instead. Not even Tiger Woods plays that much golf to the exclusion of his sex life. There must be some other explanation. Maybe Sue knows, maybe not yet, but it just looks bollocks to me, particularly as he is now willing to schedule in early evening visits by Sue to stop her needing the ‘daddy taxi’. The time when he would probably be playing.
You say that one of Sue’s goals is to be more sexual, “more like she used to be.” Maybe not with you at the moment, but she is pretty sexual right now, so extra would be a tight squeeze in scheduling terms if nothing else. She gives no indication that any of this extra or even some of the current load would come your way anytime soon, unless this is part of the transition she is secretly planning for you later on. I hope for your sake it is. Sexual skills like any exercise come under the ‘use it or lose it’ banner. You on thin ice already. Be careful going forward. It make take some time to recover and the comparison in the meantime may not be flattering.
I read your account of your night at the club with some amusement. Your narrative was full of your usual contradictions (annoyed, not annoyed) and blind alleys (if she doesn’t want picking up, take her car and don’t drink wine). A lone man at titty bar is a particularly sad sight, I’m not surprised you got singled out but why where you so sad in the first place to go there, and surely you can’t have believed it would make you feel better about any of it. Then, the man who said the night before and again the night after to his wife that he was excited and happy to be denied, poured his heart out to a stripper that he was not happy at all. You didn’t need the sympathy, your cash was getting you all the attention you wanted, so why say it at all? The whole episode seemed bizarre to me. I wonder if is it to become a regular feature over the summer?
Overall, it just seems to me that you are drifting, rudderless in a sea of your own masturbatory desires while your real relationship lies on hold, fundamentally un-discussed and for the most part creating few worries from you. I worry because this seems so unlike your previous adventures and not all really explained by issues such as ‘beta’ and ‘alpha’. It all seems to stem from Sue’s time with Robert. Perhaps Karl Marx had it right when he said, “All history repeats itself, first as tragedy, then as farce.” I do hope not.
It is well over a fortnight since I last posted. I was hoping for some further enlightenment from Sue, perhaps in the extra time she is now spending with you and not her lover. Some hint of why this started for her and where she sees it going. To suggest that she is doing this all as some sort of favour to you, to pamper to your new needs, is baleful. Why, in the very moment where she is supposedly taking charge would her most significant decision and action be to deny herself any pleasure from you? Just because she thinks you might want it? Hardly the action of someone newly in control of their sexual desires. No, someone newly in control would initiate sexual encounters with you that gave her the pleasures that she wanted, not just get excited at watching you get what you want. She may deny you any such pleasure or not, depending on her own thoughts, but she would surely get something herself. Particularly now when she is seeing so little of her human dildo. Even if it was only bringing herself off with Bill while you had to watch, it would be a visible sign of her own pleasure, but there has been very little of this activity by her.
I am surprised also that the subject of how long Paul might last has not come up between you. Your take on this has hopped about like a bunny on hot plate for some time. Funny to watch at times but surely only a function of your own equally changeable preferences on the issue. The decision of course is no longer yours to make, but I would have thought by now that Sue would have indicated her thoughts on the issue. It is pretty fundamental to everything going on after all. Look at it from her point of view. The man has just told her that he doesn’t have another woman but that in future all of his weekdays (and nights?) will be taken up with golf games instead. Not even Tiger Woods plays that much golf to the exclusion of his sex life. There must be some other explanation. Maybe Sue knows, maybe not yet, but it just looks bollocks to me, particularly as he is now willing to schedule in early evening visits by Sue to stop her needing the ‘daddy taxi’. The time when he would probably be playing.
You say that one of Sue’s goals is to be more sexual, “more like she used to be.” Maybe not with you at the moment, but she is pretty sexual right now, so extra would be a tight squeeze in scheduling terms if nothing else. She gives no indication that any of this extra or even some of the current load would come your way anytime soon, unless this is part of the transition she is secretly planning for you later on. I hope for your sake it is. Sexual skills like any exercise come under the ‘use it or lose it’ banner. You on thin ice already. Be careful going forward. It make take some time to recover and the comparison in the meantime may not be flattering.
I read your account of your night at the club with some amusement. Your narrative was full of your usual contradictions (annoyed, not annoyed) and blind alleys (if she doesn’t want picking up, take her car and don’t drink wine). A lone man at titty bar is a particularly sad sight, I’m not surprised you got singled out but why where you so sad in the first place to go there, and surely you can’t have believed it would make you feel better about any of it. Then, the man who said the night before and again the night after to his wife that he was excited and happy to be denied, poured his heart out to a stripper that he was not happy at all. You didn’t need the sympathy, your cash was getting you all the attention you wanted, so why say it at all? The whole episode seemed bizarre to me. I wonder if is it to become a regular feature over the summer?
Overall, it just seems to me that you are drifting, rudderless in a sea of your own masturbatory desires while your real relationship lies on hold, fundamentally un-discussed and for the most part creating few worries from you. I worry because this seems so unlike your previous adventures and not all really explained by issues such as ‘beta’ and ‘alpha’. It all seems to stem from Sue’s time with Robert. Perhaps Karl Marx had it right when he said, “All history repeats itself, first as tragedy, then as farce.” I do hope not.
