She Is His

[peakmb]

Nice start to the weekend Steve. By now you might be getting ready to go out. Maybe on your own, maybe you'll get to go along with them for a time. I have to say it would get interesting if they insist on being on their own at night and some single lady decides she needs your company. You do kind of have implied permission after all. Turnabout and all that.



Anyway, I hope today went well, the rest of the weekend to, and that the WiFi works in those quiet times for you at night....

 

[SoonToBe]

Hey all, whoever's here. It's going to be a busy Monday so not sure how much updating I will be able to do. Wifi was again horrible in the condo as expected but I did write some of my thoughts down offline as well as some of our conversations and such.

Most here will want to know what my surprise was and rather than waiting I'll share it now so the comments can start. The surprise was her (and him in a way) welcoming me to join her in bed after they'd finished having sex and she encouraged me to clean her up. It was something they had both talked about and decided that I might enjoy. I was a little alarmed at them having talked about it but the first time she offered that to me was later on Friday night after we'd come back from dinner and then going out and drinking and them dancing a bit. I won't go into detail but she'd told me that it "... will be the 3 of us at dinner but after that... baby... I just want to be focusing on him..." so I spent about 2 hours in the bar watching them dance and seeing what I easily recognized as her getting hotter and hornier for him.

Upon returning to the condo I knew I would witness the two of them going at it and I wasn't disappointed. I'll share that watching them dancing and drinking together - by the time we got back I was very horny too - but I want to share this with everyone - I honestly was okay with knowing I wasn't going to have sex with her. I'll share more of our conversation on the way up earlier that afternoon - but it again goes with her encouraging me to stop fighting being beta and to just be okay with it. So coming back with them still kissing and stuff in the back-seat, I actually wanted to see her with him.

I won't get into details about all that I watched - suffice to say that at one point during their foreplay I actually said to Paul that "it looks like she's quite ready!" But I can say that I did watch from right near them, but out of their line of sight, and that Paul knew I was there and took the time and effort to move himself at times to let me see better. He'd said things that had also made me feel more relaxed and I was feeling it. It was as he got closer to cumming that I moved closer and within her line of sight. She smiled and reached for my hand as she closed her eyes and I could actually feel her arousal and excitement through her hand. A few minutes later she squeezed my hand but I already knew that a moment or two later that Paul was going to cum in her. It felt really good at that moment to actually want him to! Between their voices and soft sounds to the way his cock made her wet pussy sound to the smells in the air - the room was filled with sex. Her pussy was fiery red inside as he pulled back and almost out of her and then pushed back in. And then - one last time and I felt her hand squeeze even harder and I heard his tell-tale grunt. He was as deep in her as he could possibly be unless she pulled her legs back even further than he had pushed them.

I absolutely loved being there with them at that moment. I know it wasn't the same as myself cumming or orgsaming - but I have to say that feeling her hand release mine and knowing she was lying back and totally into him as she shared that intimate moment with him - it made me feel amazingly satisfied - not in a physical way as I knew I'd need to cum soon myself - but seeing her in that moment of bliss pulling him deeper and knowing how she was feeling - it just made me feel so good.

It was a moment later when he kissed her and broke away from their hug that said quietly to her "ready?" and she said "yes". With that he sort of turned to me, not to talk to me but as he did he moved his body away from hers and he let me see clearly that his cock was still in her. Her pussy was glistening wet all over and her pussy lips were swollen around his cock . It was so fucking erotic as he just pulled his cock out of her. He wasn't fully soft yet and while the shaft was wet - it was the thick drip of cum that surrounded the head of his cock as he pulled it out of her that was totally mesmerizing to me. It pooled in the bottom of her open vagina and seemed to pulse as she breathed in and out. Other than his wet cock in front of my face for a moment, I honestly barely noticed him (well, maybe a bit more than that) as he moved off the bed and went towards the bathroom because she started to talk to me. "Steve baby... come here...." and she had me.

I moved next to her up on the edge of the bed as I heard the bathroom door shut. She looked up at me and for a moment I thought she was going to kiss me but instead she said "I want you to do something honey...." and without missing a beat she said "we want you to clean me up a bit baby". I looked at her frozen for a moment and I guess I said "... really...?". I guess I started to move in that direction without even noticing it because I felt her hand on my shoulder as she said softly ".... we don't want the bed to be very messy...". My mind was racing but at the same time I was so amazed that she was asking me to do that. By the time I realized I had a million questions and thoughts I was kneeling literally facing her still wet seeping pussy. I looked up and said softly to her ".. you sure?...". She smiled and said "yes baby.... you enjoy...." and then a moment later she said "...not too much though, just make it clean..." and she said it again "we don't want the bed all messy baby...". I guess she knew what was in my head because the next thing she said was "he's going to wait in the bathroom baby... you can take your time....". I still had a billion questions but I also knew that wasn't the time to ask. So - a moment later, with a comforting pat on my head, she guided me to what she wanted.

It had been a LONG time since she'd let me much less wanted me to clean her up. I was actually hesitant for a moment as I got closer and could truly see just how wet and full she looked. I know I glanced up and saw the smile on her face and a second later I let my tongue touch her pussy - my first contact with it in almost a month... Her pussy was soooo soooo warm and as I slid my tongue in - almost as soon as I got my first taste - I could hear her soft moans which spurred me on. I tasted just a hint of the tartness of his cum at first but a moment later it was all I tasted! It had been so long that for a moment I thought that it was my own semen - but tasting her own sweetness mixed in immediately reminded me that this was Pauls semen in her. It all seemed to happen immediately - the taste, her soft moans and then - a spasm from her pussy and a thicker drip of his cum led to my waiting tongue. I was surprised that she encouraged me to push my tongue in - so many of the last few times were spent "just on the outside" and this time, she was encouraging me to dig deeper.

I went from a million thoughts in my head to - now- seemingly only one - the intense almost curiosity I felt continuing to lick and suck gently at her open pussy and marveling at how she felt doing so. Each breath she seemed to take would cause yet another dribble of his cum to drip out of her. As I've said before - time seems to stop at times - and this was one of them. I remember the thought in my head of "...wow - he cums a LOT in her..." as all of this was going on. She was saying things to me softly but I honestly couldn't hear or focus on them - I was just too lost in the moment. And it wasn't just cleaning her - it was everything - being so close to her pussy - seeing it all - how reddened the inside was but also how swollen her lips and even her clit still was and how soft they felt to my lips, tongue and even my fingers that she let me use to spread her open.

I could keep writing - but I won't. Suffice to say that I couldn't say whether I spent 2 minutes between her legs or 20 minutes between her legs. But that it was her who signaled me that "that's enough baby....". I normally would have felt very self-conscious as I'm sure, as the saying goes, my face looked like a glazed donut - but when I looked up at her she touched my shoulder and motioned for me to move up and then kiss her. She licked around my mouth and I knew she was enjoying tasting Paul on my face. As our kiss ended she smiled and said "was that okay for you baby?" When I started to say "yes..." she cut me off and kissed me again and then said "thanks baby..." and a moment later she said "you going to be okay leaving us now?".

 

[digger7275]

Steve,
Thanks for the quick update. And for sharing your surprise!
It sounds as though the weekend was a success for everyone.
Could/would you share more details of the conversations with your wife? And going forward, any more changes for the future?
You, my friend, are living the dream.
Good Luck and looking for more updates.
Digger

 

[peakmb]

Nice.

 

[SoonToBe]

Digger- as I mentioned - I did write some notes about our talks on the way up in the car. the biggest thing we talked about was again about me accepting being beta and not feeling ashamed or embarassed about it. I shared that it wasn't easy and she said she understood it really well and that she and paul had even talked about it. I was concerned but she said that it was all good and that he didn't think badly of me at all - in fact she repeated again what he'd said all along - that it was "cool that we were into this" and that he didn't think anything different about me now than he has all along since knowing that I knew. The basic gist was that "he already knows about all of this" and again it came back to me admitting it was in my own head. She even asked me at one point if I liked "not having sex with me" and I told her I was scared to say yes. She smiled and said that was what Paul had said to her - that maybe I have enough pressure on me at work that - this is good for me to not have the pressure to perform for her in bed too. She asked me "could it be partly that baby? it's okay if it is...". I told her that I honestly didn't know but she asked me "well, do you feel less pressure only now honey? are you feeling anything different or better?". It took me a moment but I did look at her and I did finally say "I guess, yes, in a way, it is a nice change...".

She invited me back into their bed 3 more times to clean her pussy up. The second time was on Saturday morning. We had brought food with us and after cooking some bacon, eggs, cereal, toast and some fruit - the 2 of them went back into their bedroom to get ready. I heard them in the shower and then afterwards - but it didn't sound like they were getting dressed. Instead, a little bit later the bedroom door opened a bit and she called for me to come in. He was again in the bathroom but she looked at me and said "want to do it again for me?" and she pulled the blanket down from being up to her chest and showed me that she was naked from the waist down. As I stood there she spread her legs and I could see the crevice of her pussy had a creamy white filling. She smiled and said in a sexy voice "i don't want to be messy when we're skiing". I didn't need to be asked twice - I immediately lay down on the bed and started to lick all around her pussy and then - spreading it and licking in between. I could hear him in the bathroom behind me and she said "he was horny and I know he likes morning's" was all she needed to say. This time she seemed to place ********* on what I licked out of her - other than pushing my head back a bit when I began to lick at her clit too much and I could feel her starting to respond myself. I'll admit that I was a bit greedy and I even sucked a bit at her pussy before she playfully pushed me away and said "that's enough baby". What I wasn't totally ready for was for her to throw her legs together and literally just about jump out of bed when I was done - much less for Paul to be standing there behind me as she said "thanks honey, it'll be more comfortable skiing today now" and she walked bare-assed into the bathroom. Paul just said "thanks man..." and that was it. I felt a bit self-conscious at that moment so I said something like "no problem" and went back towards my room to finish getting ready to head out to ski.

The next time I got to do the honors was Saturday night. They'd fucked so much by the time he came in her the first time that I was almost getting tired of waiting. This time Paul came back into the room before I was done while she still had her hand on my head and shoulders and when I was done he thanked me again for "getting her ready for later again". It was very surreal sitting there with them like that - especially with me (and Paul as she later told me) still feeling awkward when facing each other. I did admit to her that it was a very intense feeling for me to be sitting there literally my mouth tasting like it was filled with his cum and him standing there naked next to me. She asked me what I was feeling and I told her that of everything I felt, the one feeling that stood out to me was fascination - fascination with literally being up close to his cock knowing what he's getting.

The last time was Sunday morning - just over 24 hours from now. Again the same thing - only this time I could tell she was a bit sore as she asked me to be easy on her and to be gentle. She tasted the same - that same acrid tartness with this smooth almost sweet taste behind it - but it was more how she felt to me. Perhaps "used" is the best word. She didn't need to tell me, I heard and even peeked in to see that this was really more of a fuck for him than her. Still it was the same, as I went down on her she giggled and said that "after last night and this morning..." that I should be sure I "got it all". Paul was going in and out of the room most of the time she let me sooth and clean her yesterday morning. It did feel weird at times but honestly, afterwards, I got up and went back to my room to get dressed and packed (we had to check out in the morning) - it felt like nothing at all a few minutes later. She was now walking around in just her night-shirt and panties at one point and then - after getting everything packed and just before she got into her ski-gear - she walked around in just her panties.

Oh one last thing - I told her honestly on the way home yesterday that it still turns me on the most to see her open the bedroom door and for her to come out completely dressed. She smiled and kissed me.

 

[StudCaptM]

Sounds like a fun weekend for all STB, thanks for the update. You have really accepted and are getting new pleasure from your beta role. I think the next step for you will be to orally clean Paul too, not in a gay sense, but a respectful way. I think you should be the one to volunteer to do that for him, and for you. It would be a natural transition, and you shouldn't discuss with Sue before hand, because I know she's not interested in seeing that, however, you need to show him your respect and your gratitude for being such a good lover for Sue. It would be a good beta thing to do, or at least offer that too him. Sounds like your all in a good place right now.

 

[Enigma632]

A month down the line and one skiing trip completed and everything in the garden is smelling of roses.

Paul has Sue to fuck pretty much whenever he want and has been told to just take her whenever and however he wants to

Sue is getting plenty of sex from Paul, and only Paul, just as she wanted.

Steve Not only gets to watch his lovely wife having sex - which seems to be the number 1 fantasy of most of the wannabe cucks on here - gets oral sex off her every one or two weeks, and she helps him to come if she doesn't blow him.

Can I be a bit radical and ask, apart from the possibly unpleasant handover on 1st Jan, just what about Steve's existence is beta?

Whilst I know that he isn't getting Sue's pussy he is probably getting more sexual contact with his wife than most guys his age who have been married as long as he has!

It could be argued that Sue "making" Steve clean her while on the skiing weekend so that she didn't mess the sheets or leak while skiing was using him, but frankly he's been licking cum from her pussy for years both his and others, so I really don't think that it was that much of a beta act.

 

[peakmb]

Well Steve, I guess Friday night may have been a bit of a surprise but it must have been wearing off a bit by Sunday morning, and into the future. Perhaps it will be a surprise if Sue doesn't do it in future! I tend to agree with Enigma here, the whole thing as described so far is more of a sideways step than progress down the road of beta. After all, it essentially involved you in the sex which Sue had initially said would be only her and Paul. Be interesting to find out when you took your relief too. Watching or later? Of course I am most interested in how your interactions with Sue go this week. Will she relate more emotionally to compensate her distance while away or will she savour that distance a little longer. I suspect it is this 'after event' balance, and how you perceive it Steve, that will determine how successful Sue's campaign this year will be.

 

[digger7275]

Steve,
Sounds like everything is good. And I'm glad for ALL of you. Looking forward to more updates. If things change or even if they don't.
I can't offer advice or input. Sorry.

I'm 65 and the wife is 63. We're not into the lifestyle. (And I wish we were). I'm semi-retired and the wife still works (doesn't have to, she likes it). Sold the family business 2 years ago to my son. I'm the 4th generation and my son, of course, the 5th. People could say that we're too dumb to get "real" jobs. So performance in the corporate world is beyond me also. Years ago I was approached twice by corporations to buy us out. The price was great, the terms unacceptable.
Finally, I appreciate the other's input here. Feels like wisdom from experience.
Digger

 

[Knk069]

Thanks for the update Steve. It seems like you have gone full in on being her cuckold - no penetrative sex and being relegated to cleanup duty. That sound awesome! Lucky man. Enjoy.

 

[muscleblackbull]

White beta men go contact me

 

[Pnisnvnh]

I know some don’t think Steve cleaning up Sue is that big of a beta deal. But what Sue might be doing is training her beta to be, simply put, a cum slut. She already has Steve swallowing all his own cum, now it’s getting him to swallow all of Paul’s too. The only one that’s going to be swallowing cum in this 3 person get together is him.
Seen enough beta cucks finding themselves swallowing all the Alphas cum and his own every time and that includes this sub beta cuckold. It’s extremely humbling to a beta when a few months goes by and he realizes that he has swallowed every load from the Alpha’s cock and every load from his own beta penis. It also can be humiliating to for the beta because it’s his own wife that got him use to swallowing all that cum and making him their personal cum slut.

 

[peakmb]

Well Steve, I suppose tonight may be your first real glimpse of your post ski reality. Sunday you'd both be tired. The rest just catching up with real life and not something you would update here on anyway. That leaves this Wednesday night as the first real barometer. Has Sue asked you to miss it? Are you expecting anything out of the ordinary? Do you feel the need today more than usual? Will all be smoothed over by tomorrow? Good luck..

 

[SoonToBe]

Hey all - well - there is surely a lot to share and a lot to comment on.

I guess I'll start by saying later Monday night and definitely on Tuesday I began feeling some of the same feelings I'd felt in the past. Very anxious and starting to feel an annoyed feeling at Sue and things in general. As Peak has stated several times, the post-ski-trip feeling did indeed start to ramp up. Her wearing panties more - I noticed she had them on in bed Monday night and on Tuesday she barely let me have a glimpse of her before pulling them on then too. It was more than just that though - I'm sure it was just in my head but even masturbating on Monday night wasn't as satisfying and I felt a bit isolated from her. She knew it though - and yesterday morning she was very amorous and I noticed that she was back to walking around naked after her shower in the morning. I was hoping and was right that we would clear the air last night and we did.

I told her when we got upstairs and had started to move into our Wednesday night routine - I told her that I wasn't feeling as 'up' these past few days and I asked her "what's with the panties since we've been back?". She took a moment and then said "... okay, I'll tell you..." and she proceeded to take the next few minutes to tell me that it wasn't that she wanted to deny me seeing her - but more that, as she put it "wearing them makes me feel like the weekend hasn't ended..." and she said that if it meant that much to me that she would try to not feel that way in the future. I told her that after the weekend, that it felt like something that was meant towards me. She said she understood and it led to one of our more honest and open talks about everything. We realized that we hadn't really talked about a lot of stuff - just the obvious. She started by saying that she thought things were going better this time for us trying this. I told her that it was and that honestly I felt okay about the weekend and I even told her that she and Paul made a good couple in bed which made her laugh. She asked me how that made me feel and whether I was okay about it - and it was kind of a pivotal moment for us in that I actually did feel okay about the weekend and I told her. As we talked more she told me that after she's been with Paul, that she likes how it feels to wear panties afterwards - she giggled and said she can't wait to take them off before she's seeing him but seemed to come to the realization as we talked that she liked them afterwards. I asked her if it was keeping me from seeing her and she said again that's not it - but she did say that she liked how wearing them made her feel. I told her that I'd try to be more understanding and not take it personally. She giggled and stood up and pulled them off of her as I lay there and she said "you can always look honey.... I'm sorry....".

It was a really close moment for us. She asked me how it felt to see her pussy and for me to know that I wasn't going to have sex with her. I told her that it felt crazy - that I knew I was horny and yes, I would surely love to - but at the same time - I tried to find the words to explain to her that it actually turned me on a lot to know that she wasn't going to be available to me. She said she didn't fully understand so I asked her how she feels when she sees George Clooney or whoever else and she lets herself get horny about it. I asked her if it made her feel good to do so and she giggled and said "yes" and I told her its sort of the same way for me about her. As I said, it was a time when it was easy to talk so I asked her "don't you like to play with yourself to those thoughts?" and when she murmured back a "hmmm.... yeah...." I asked her "and do you.... uh.... enjoy it a lot" to which she giggled and turned to me and said "yeah, but...." and before she could say anything more I just said to her "its' the same for me about you"

We talked more about the weekend too but I don't want to take a lot more time right now as I have a call to be on shortly. I told her that while it was at times a little difficult with how explicit and into each other they were - but I told her that it was fun this time and that I felt a lot better about everything with Paul by the end of the weekend too. She smiled and said that she could feel that too and hoped that it was something that would continue between the 3 of us. I actually told her that I thought he was really good about everything and actually making me feel more welcome - and also surely - not making me feel (any more) self-conscious about going down on her while he was there. Her only comment was "I already told you he doesn't think anything bad about you and that" to which I replied "yes I know that..." and I told her "you have to understand, mentally its' still in my head what I'm doing" to which she replied "you think too much sometimes honey". I actually looked up at her and said "it IS his cum I'm licking out of you" which made her realize I guess because she said "yeah, I guess that's true honey, I just never really think about it that way...." She had sat down next to me and pulled me to her and she said "it doesn't ever bother me you know..." and she continued "but I never think about it that way...". We talked for a few more minutes and she told me that she doesn't ever think it's gay or anything like that and she asked me if it was something I minded? I told her no - not at all - and I admitted that as a beta that it is something I actually really enjoyed doing for her and I told her that I liked sharing her experience with her.

There was obviously more we talked about - I told her that I loved masturbating while watching and hearing them - and that it turned me on to see her out on the dance floor "knowing your pussy was getting wetter and wetter" and that I knew skiing for the day had really gotten her worked up.

More later.

 

[SoonToBe]

All of that led to the same place that our conversation in the car on the way up to skiing wound up - talking more openly about me being beta. I think it was enigma above who asked about what role I have with Sue. We talked pretty openly and she continued to tell me and convince me that - it's okay if I'm turned on by not having sex with her. I told her that it wasn't just that - and actually found it more comfortable to start to open up. I told her that it wasn't just me not having sex with her, but I told her that it was also that she was giving it to Paul. She held my hand and she moved closer to me and she told me that it was okay and that she understood - she actually continued some of what she'd also said to me earlier - that both her and Paul recognized that my job is high-pressure at times and that they both think this is partly a response to that - that it forces me to accept that I am not in-charge and that I truly am there to just sit back and observe. I told her that it scared me at times that it turned me on so much and she smiled and said "that's what a loving wife is for - to let you enjoy that baby...". She turned to me and said "I understand that this turns you on and I love you for it. Its weird to say it baby, but it's really nice knowing I love you with or without the sex". It was just how she said it that made me realize maybe she's really being honest with me. As we talked she reminded me that "it's not something new that I'm enjoying sex with him..." as in meaning that it's been going on for 2 1/2 years already - but it was more how she said that "it's just more of that, not something new" that made me sort of understand that this is really something that I just need to let go of for now - and yes, relax and enjoy letting her enjoy herself.

I have to say that it felt wonderful masturbating with her as we talked, she said she really liked watching me and knowing that I'm feeling what I want to. Whatever I said back must have been the right thing because a moment later I felt her kissing me and then she looked at me and said "I love you honey" and after a short pause she smiled with this big sexy grin and said "you were really wonderful baby. I just never dreamed it could be like this." and a second later she said "you deserve this" and as she said that she pulled my hand off my cock and sucked it into her mouth! I was totally unprepared for that and I thrust upward as she did that so she gagged for a moment and giggled and said "take it easy...." and as she stroked me herself before she took it back in her mouth she smiled and said "don't worry baby, you're going to enjoy".

Enjoy I did. My god - she really did know what I needed. She moved around and crouched between my legs and really got into it - hands and mouth - she held my balls and sucked them gently while she stroked me - and then sucked me deep into her mouth again. I was so close and she knew just when to pull me out each time until I moaned out loud. As I said, she knew me down to the moment I was going to let go and held me just shy of there each time until I couldn't take it any longer - she lingered just a second longer and my god did I cum. She gagged almost right away and even as I was lost in pleasure I could feel my body writhing over and over again until I literally collapsed into the bed.

She was such an angel - gently sucking the last bits of pleasure out of me - and feeling her thumb from down deep bring the last of it out of me. I knew exactly what to expect - I caught my breath and honestly - I couldn't wait. A second later her warm lips were on mine and a second after that we were sharing the warmth of my cum together. She was moaning and while she wouldn't admit it - I think she got horny kissing me sharing my load. I don't know how long we kissed for but it was a while. She hugged me and lay against me as our tongue played together. Finally though it was time. This time though she kept some of my cum and swallowed it herself while giving me the rest.

I was speechless afterwards and only really when we were in bed heading to sleep and were spooning that I told her yet again how awesome her blow-job had been. She turned her head back to me and said "I told you, I want this to work".

 

[SoonToBe]

So - I have sort of intentionally not shared much of the weekend yet. It was enjoyable and yet at times, obviously, difficult. But I will say that it particularly felt different than last year - I think I had the right expectations going into it and I didn't over-expect. I knew it was going to be a few days that pushed the envelope including seeing her at extremes with him - I wasn't disappointed.

But as I've said before, even when they are alone (perhaps they know I'm peeking in at times) I don't see the lovey-dovey stuff that would make me truly concerned. No, really what I continue to see is just what she's been saying - that she truly is enjoying being like a teenager again. From walking around naked to lying there with him in her as they watch TV literally sitting right across from me - or whether it's hearing her loud moan at 2am - it's not seeming like it's more than sex to me. Which really has left me able to sit back and contemplate things

I will end this right now by saying that I am really becoming at peace with how we're defining being beta. It seems crazy and I've told her that I hope I don't regret it, but for right now - this is truly what I want to experience. Seeing her with him - seeing how easily she allowed him to be physical with her - it just made me want to give her even more.

 

[digger7275]

Steve,
What a GREAT update. Thank you for sharing the evolving narrative.
You and Sue have an amazing communication gift. Honest and very open.
Wish you all the best.
Digger
P.S. Would like a more blow by blow of the weekend. Pun intended.

 

[peakmb]

Steve,
Thank you for your very evocative recollections of your skiing weekend and beyond. I think it is clear that both you and Sue have learned from the mistakes of the past, I think it is equally clear that some of the tensions that led to those mistakes are still there. You have said that you have only told a partial story, I hope in time you feel able to give us a sense of the gaps, if not the detail. Still, it is clear that like last time, it was difficult at times for you. Maybe you were expecting the openness of the sex, the passion shown and sustained, but I suspect the loneliness at times got to you more than you expected, the lack of emotional contact. That this carried on into Monday and Tuesday perhaps should have been expected more by you, but after some emotional starvation it still would have been difficult. I suspect Sue switched over on Wednesday morning because she was aware of the building tension within you, otherwise she might have let her 'buzz' last longer. She did well to rescue the situation that night. Only you know how much love and how much calculation went into that, but there was clearly some of both.

I still believe in my jar of happiness theory. You started off overflowing and took little out before the weekend, but by Tuesday night some had clearly been consumed. Maybe last night put a bit back, but not as much and I think this this will be the pattern from now on. If Sue is to find her zone of completeness with Paul, her 'buzz' will have to last longer than two days. She will not want it to stop, but realise that she has to in order to maintain her relationship with you. This is the true meaning of her saying she will make it good for you. So, as her 'buzz' lasts longer, your happiness jar will get depleted further, and again not much will refill it. Of course whilst ever it still has something in it, you will be saying on balance you are still happy. It will take a long time before you truly start to see the bottom of the jar. A journey of many bumps and adventures. A fascinating tale I hope.

 

[pmandt]

So - I have sort of intentionally not shared much of the weekend yet. It was enjoyable and yet at times, obviously, difficult. But I will say that it particularly felt different than last year - I think I had the right expectations going into it and I didn't over-expect. I knew it was going to be a few days that pushed the envelope including seeing her at extremes with him - I wasn't disappointed.

But as I've said before, even when they are alone (perhaps they know I'm peeking in at times) I don't see the lovey-dovey stuff that would make me truly concerned. No, really what I continue to see is just what she's been saying - that she truly is enjoying being like a teenager again. From walking around naked to lying there with him in her as they watch TV literally sitting right across from me - or whether it's hearing her loud moan at 2am - it's not seeming like it's more than sex to me. Which really has left me able to sit back and contemplate things

I will end this right now by saying that I am really becoming at peace with how we're defining being beta. It seems crazy and I've told her that I hope I don't regret it, but for right now - this is truly what I want to experience. Seeing her with him - seeing how easily she allowed him to be physical with her - it just made me want to give her even more.

You don't see the "lovey-dovey" stuff now, but on Jan 22 you said:

"It was beautiful seeing the making love - and I'm not under any illusion any more - when they're in bed together, its not sex, it's not fucking, no - he has most definitely replaced me making love with her."
This is confusing.

 

[SoonToBe]

Up late and saw pmandt's question.

I think it's quite clear - of course in the midst of sex - how else can you be but loving and intimate.
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My comments are about the other 50% of the time they're together (lol) where they're not in the midst of sex - that is where, at least from what I see and have now seen up close - that there's not the kind of close whispery lovey-dovey doe-eyed stares between them.