She Is His

[peakmb]

I suppose it should be obvious from my writing over the years but it should be stated here. I am not a beta. Neither am I a traditional alpha. I do believe in a genuine equality in that in any partnership, both parties have to be happy about any given direction and that in any particular detail of that partnership, one or the other of the partners is likely to have more experience or feelings invested, or simply passion for a particular issue. It is likely that in that issue that partner will prevail, but not in all, and not in all things sexual, or all things family etc.. That is where I come from.

So, do I believe that Sue will or should prevail in all things sexual. No, or if so only for a very limited time. In the same vein, I do believe that Steve has given a commitment here and he should honour it for as long as he can do so. This is not his first rodeo in this arena. He knew enough going in to say no or to modify his acceptance. He not only didn't do that, he instead gave his total acceptance of Sue's requests without truly knowing where her boundaries were. Caveat Emptor.

Sue asked the question, Is Steve truly a beta? So far, in all his writing, he has not truly been one. A person who sways that way sometimes, but one who wants to always have sight of the escape hatch. Just in case. I don't believe that makes him an alpha previously or a suppressed one now. We probably all exist on a grey scale here, and maybe even on differing issues. What does a beta feel like as this starts? Does a beta look around and think, Wow, I'm finally home, this feels great. Or does a beta continue to fight his 'natural' feelings until they become ******* and blindingly obvious. Or something else. I am simply not qualified to even offer advice here. I would say that so far over the years, and right now, Steve does not seem to have exhibited wholly beta characteristics.

Right from the beginning, Steve's narrative has never been about a man who worries about losing his wife. Even when it nearly happened at first and then later with Robert, Steve never really panicked in that direction. This is about a man who worries about losing his sexual relationship with his wife, his status within the partnership. He wants to play at being the beta from time to time, but he does not want to be irrelevant in Sue's sex life. The problem here is that seems to be exactly what Sue is trying to do, what she said she wanted to do and what Steve agreed she could do. We only see Steve's narrative of this struggle, it may be that Sue has an equal or even greater struggle to maintain this position, especially at the beginning. Her desire to leave Steve to his own ends on Wednesday meshes exactly with her feeling following the fateful skiing trip of previous years, where she didn't want to break the spell she had created in that time.

With such apparent gaps in their expectations, they really need their discussions, but I would say not quite yet. Both need to settle a little into this year first. Perhaps Sue was wise to say monthly. We shall see.

 

[SoonToBe]

This has been a crazy week and I do not believe I"ll have time to post more until probably Friday.
It was my decision (well partly) to forego last Wednesday. I can only say that mentally in my head it was better for me to not feel sexual with her and honestly, it still stung a bit. Tonight, my cock is more than ready.

I haven't again read everything others have posted above/before - just glanced at it. We have talked a lot more since (obviously) and what we have figured out is that it seems to boil down to my reluctance to fully accept that I am beta. The honest truth when we talked was that I somehow still have it associated that being beta isn't masculine - and I am having a hard time accepting her seeing me that way - which she has said she now is. It hurt to hear her say what she did about wanting less desire for me sexually to ease how it felt between us - but when she asked me if it turned me on, as a beta, to not have sex with her, it felt weird to me to say yes even though its what I felt hurt about from her. So it does seem to be me. She DID comment on my masturbating while watching them on New Years - she said that it meant a lot to her that I did that and that she said it meant a lot to her that I did it after I'd given her to him. She didn't go on about it - and I can't find the website where I had found that doing something like that voluntarily would mean something to her to read more about it now.

I hope to have time on Friday to share events from last weekend. Paul does seem to be changing - I can't tell if it's how he is with her, or how he is now when he's interacting with me.

GTR

 

[Knk069]

Hang in there Steve. You are in the initial “going cold turkey” phase where Sue has to put distance between you and her vagina. Things will get better.

 

[peakmb]

Steve, you're still in shock it seems. Blow one off tonight, get your head round it all and tell us about it then. You simply don't which way is up at the moment, and certainly not whether your current desire to be a beta for Sue is anything like a permanent state or even a semi-sustainable one. I don't think you will for a while either. Good luck.

 

[SquirmingSub]

Steve,

Not all beta men lack masculinity and you can be very masculine while completely embracing being a beta husband at the same time. While Sue’s remarks may have hurt, it does seem that she is truly wanting to see you differently, she may feel that she needs to see you differently so that she can have what she desires with Paul. Based on what you’re saying, it would seem that Sue wants you to be more like her best-friend, minimizing her desires for you on the sexual front. You are simply going to be in the friends zone when it comes to sex with Sue and she will truly appreciate the gift you have provided her when it comes to your overall arrangement. You can still sexual desire her while being her husband, and her best-friend.

As Peak indicated you are still in a form of shock at the moment and you do have a lot of think about over the next few weeks and months.

Enjoy the journey and good luck!

 

[SoonToBe]

I had a few minutes today but will have more time tomorrow.

We did resume our Wednesday routine last night and Sue shared more of her thoughts with me. I"ll share them tomorrow but Squirm and Knk and some others who PM'd me seem to have it where she needs to separate from sex with me. She would like me to more fully embrace being beta and has echoed much that others have said that she finds this as something more of a loving gift to her more than anything and doesn't view my beta-ness as being less masculine. Although she has said now several times that she liked seeing me masturbating with them on New Years Day.

Ugh - day is over already - GTR

 

[SoonToBe]

I am not sure where to begin. It was cathartic to re-read what I'd written from last week.

Squirm and Peak have both hit on what Sue and I have now been talking very openly about as it truly is the crux of our, or rather, my issues. Am I beta. And if I am, why do (did) I have the same issues.

Well, I can say that from what Sue and I have talked about now, I am ready to more fully accept being beta, or is it being more fully beta. We talked a lot and she was very open and understanding. She asked me whether I still liked what we did on New Years Day and I told her an honest yes. When we talked more about it, not about the sex part, but when we talked more about what was in my head, I told her that I got myself psyched up and ready and that I committed myself mentally to do it as we'd planned. She shared that she was surprised at how willing I was and at how I was able to tell Paul what i did. It was when she asked me the question of - how did it feel to let go and let it happen? I told her honestly that it was a good feeling to do so.

There was a lot of hard things for me to accept hearing from her. When I told her about how I was concerned about being more beta - what it would mean to us - she was the one who said to me and reminded me that things started to change for her when I first told her about my desires over 2 years ago or more. I didn't really think about it too much but she asked me what I thought was going to happen? She told me she's never felt that i was less masculine in her eyes through all of this, but she did tell me quite explicitly that in these past 2 years that her sexual desire and feelings for me have changed - decreased. She doesn't think it's that she feels I'm less masculine but then did agree that "it could be". But she again asked me - isn't that what you wanted?

For her, that I willingly went along with everything - and even helped plan New Years Eve and discussed all that New Years Day would involve - she said that as she heard me not resisting and even encouraging her at times, that she is convinced that when I can relax about it, that I am definitely fully beta. the more we talked the more I was able to see that she's right - and that for the most part, yes, sometimes her selfish behavior may trigger it - but for the most part, my anxieties are in my own head.

She asked me how I feel when I see her with Paul and I told her honestly that I enjoy seeing her naked with him and that now, after all this time, it makes me feel good to see it and it doesn't shock or upset me. She smiled and told me that a lot of other guys couldn't ever tolerate that but she knows it makes me feel good. She's said other things too that have eased my mental anguish. But perhaps the biggest one is that she's finallly- almost - made me understand that whatever is going to happen is already happening and that I shoujldn't be focusing on it. She said that I am so concerned about doing something that may make her feel differently when I overlook that she already feels differently. And basically, my admitting and accepting it will be something that will probably give me the final resolve I need.

Our most recent talks have been about her feelings now and that she hoped I could understand how being beta has helped her understand what she wants. As we talked what I began to understand is that her view towards me sexually has already been changed and that my embracing and accepting what we're doing now isn't going to change her feelings, if anything she said it would be better for her to feel more certain about me. At one point she told me that if I truly enjoyed not having sex with her that she would like to know that more openly as an example of what she'd like to see me change that she thinks would help me too.

I had to ask her if seeing me cum like that on New Years Day had any meaning to her, after all she did mention it. She looked at me and said "it let me know you really wanted it honey". She told me she was surprised, that she thought I would be more on-edge until I explained that i had just put my thoughts aside. She told me she liked that I did that and that it did mean a lot to her.

When he was here last weekend, he continued to be a bit more demonstrative and aggressive with her - especially when I was nearby. She told me she's been coaching him and asked me if I liked that change. I told her it was arousing and a bit of a surprise but something I could tell she liked. She asked me if I wanted him to keep it up which made me understand she has a role in this for sure - so I said yes. She smiled and said that he is actually starting to enjoy it a bit and that it's something very new for him as he's never felt or acted that way in the past. So I'm sure when he's here tomorrow night it will be a resumption.

She's made no efforts to make-over our spare-room into a sex-room for her and Paul. I'd help her out but she needs to be the one to do it. I'll say that with my newfound acceptance of things - that in some ways I like them using our bed.

More later but needed to share that perhaps it is as Sue says, that I should just embrace being beta and be done with it.

 

[SoonToBe]

So as I said, our focus of our conversation has been around me but she's shared already that she has begun to really feel what she's wanted. Since my demonstrative actions on New Years, she's said that even when she's not with him, that she's begun to feel what she's wanted. When I asked her this past Wednesday night to tell me more she said that she can tell that her desires are changing and admitted that it was distracting for her to have let me have sex with her as much as she did. I protested and she giggled and said "if I told you you'd had only 1 condom for the whole weekend you would have said okay wouldn't you?".

When I told her yes and didn't feel as hesitating about it she really seized the moment and said that she wanted to hear more and that she asked me to tell her "honestly" how is it feeling for me to know that her pussy, no, her vagina is off limits to me now. Before I could answer she giggled and said teased me again that she knew how it must have made me feel for me to tell that to Paul - and she giggled that "saying the real words is like admitting it, isn't it" - and she's right - it is much of the same feeling. I would have sworn she must have been reading here when she asked me if it would be easier on me if she kept panties on and kept her pussy out of sight. I guess I must have moaned or my cock must have throbbed that she could see or something like that because she continued to tease me and said that maybe it'd be easier on me to not see her naked for a while so I can get more used to not having sex now. I was getting very turned on already and I groaned back that I wasn't sure and she slid closer and said "you can tell me baby?.... does seeing it and knowing you can't have it do more for you than not seeing it at all?". I groaned back that I didn't know and she giggled that maybe we'll have to experiment to see.

But in the end on Wednesday night - she began mixing more and more into her teases asking me questions about whether it's okay so far. As I began to tell her that I was turned on and very aroused, she seized the moment and continued to push further. She told me how she was starting to "really want" him at times and how she had so wanted to feel that - she almost described it as being hungry for him. But I have to say, she really focused just on the physical/sexual - it wasn't that she couldn't wait to see him - it was that she couldn't wait to feel him. It's funny because I recall back in high-school and college just those sorts of things from girls I dated - we knew it wasn't serious but we were really into the sex part.

 

[peakmb]

Steve,
After years of reading the diaries of your life with Sue, I am more amazed by your last few posts than any others I have read. To some who have only recently come across your story, or who forgotten what went before, it might just make sense but not otherwise unless a fundamental shift has occurred both in your personality and in your reporting / perception of Sue’s longer term desires.

All the years you have played this scenario (and play is the best word I can think of), it has been you wanting to be the cuckold. One that increasingly wanted the game to go further, longer, deeper even, but still as one who wanted it at some time to end and a more ‘normal’ sexual balance revert back between you both. Even this year, in your narratives leading up to it, you were speculating about how long it would or could last, shocked when Sue first mentioned a whole year (from a few months) and at no time fully committing to that period, even by New Year. After reading as much as I have I’m pretty sure that the narrow question of whether you are ‘beta’ is no longer helpful. Cleary you are. Somewhat. The real question now is to what degree, and what has Sue interpreted about what being beta means and how that makes her see you.

There appears now to be an aching chasm between your two views on what it to be beta. Up to now, for you it has been someone who is submissive to their wife at times, someone who enjoys seeing their wife take pleasure with another man, someone who even enjoys sometimes the angst of being denied that pleasure, either wholly (as now) or in part (as in using condoms). Crucially though, someone who has always up to now believed that this was a reversible phase, one that could mean you would enjoy those pleasures again in the future when Sue had burnt the desire out of her system and / or you had tired of the denial. Further, at no point previously had teasing turned into humiliation, nor had you wanted such teasing to come from Sue’s lover. It was personal, between the two of you, and a part of the temporary (and thus reversible) structure. It may seem subtle, but this hanging out over the edge is the very thing that has given tension to your entire story as you continued to risk more and more, without wanting to lose it all. I do not believe that you started this year believing that you had actually given up this reverse option (albeit not fully) completely and for all time (“embrace it and be done with it”). I believe you saw your action as one of giving Sue a very special gift. One that is painful to you over time, but one that she has asked for as the final phase in her relationship with Paul and which she had said would force the end of that relationship at its conclusion. A point at which you thought she would be yours again (before maybe another lover came along). NOT what she seems to want / be saying in your latest message. Perhaps the question you really need to ask yourself is not whether you are beta, but just what sort of beta you actually are. You need to answer this for yourself before you start to discuss the whole issue with Sue, who it seems has an entirely different and far more dangerous view.

As to Sue, whatever she says about viewing you as less of a man, it is now clear that HER view of being beta is very different to your own. Using that single word now is no longer helpful as your interpretations of the question ‘Are you beta?’ are so different. She essentially sees the term as being a man who lacks masculinity, lacks essential sex drive and who would not be able to act as the lover she needs. Any lovemaking would thus be seen a pity fuck of one sort or another, fundamentally lacking real passion and commitment on her side. If she has gone this far in her thinking it is logical that she now believes you to be irreversible in your function and someone she no longer believes can have an equal sexual expression with. Any remaining love in her view could only be expressed in supervised masturbation, assisted in some way or otherwise. The thrill she gets out of it no more than watching a pet dog jump through higher and higher hoops, only to be rewarded with a rare treat and a pat on the head. Dangerous territory indeed.

By NOT thoroughly discussing these issues in your talks leading up to this year, you have only served to reinforce this gulf by each believing a false interpretation or perhaps each believing what you wanted to believe. This is where you need to start in your ‘discussion of equals’ at the month end. In the meantime, get your head straight about what you actually want in the long term and before you ask Sue what she really wants. I do think she needs to understand what you mean by beta before she answers that question herself. Her own interpretation does appear to have shaped and polluted her forward targets to date. Only at that time (and it suspect it will take several discussion months) will you be able to know whether your goals and ambitions in any way match Sues and if they don’t whether you can jointly compromise a bridge between them.

In the meantime, you need to back off from being treated like a wimp by Sue and particularly by Paul. You have agreed to the ‘gift’ for some of this year so you can’t be aggressive about it, but you can simply walk away from the humiliation aspects and simply refuse to engage with them. That should start to send a message without destroying Sue’s journey with Paul this year. Her sex life cannot be allowed to be built solely on the destruction and denigration of your own.

 

[SoonToBe]

Peak - I think you've jumped off the deep end.
I feel just the opposite. I truly want to let go and embrace being more beta and let go and see where it goes and what happens.
that has been my underlying goal since we started truly talking about New Years, that I wanted to try to let go of the former 'shackles' of trying to fulfill some sort of vision of myself and to instead, embrace and accept what I enjoy feeling even if it may be hazardous.

I do still believe there is an end in sight for this and I am content to ride this out. If my beta desires change back over time, then I have this feeling it will be echoed in changes in Sue - just as it has been so far. I used the word symbiotic because that is how it feels - especially after her reassuring talks with me.

I also do accept that yes, things have changed and that we've long said, we can't go back to vanilla normal sex after this. She will always want a lover and I am very confident that I will always want her to do so. Whether her view of my masculinitiy will change more now vs what may have already happened, I can't say.

This may all sound strange but honestly I've been thinking and reading back to past years and prior trials and in those, looking back I can see that I've never truly committed myself to fulfilling myself as a beta - I had always held back some alpha thoughts or desires and I am now truly trying to shed those.

 

[dutch12]

This may all sound strange but honestly I've been thinking and reading back to past years and prior trials and in those, looking back I can see that I've never truly committed myself to fulfilling myself as a beta - I had always held back some alpha thoughts or desires and I am now truly trying to shed those.

IMO alpha thoughts or desires cann't be shed, they are build-in a man's system. They will always be there. You may try to temporary suppress them, but not remove them out of your system.

 

[peakmb]

Steve,
Ok, I give up. You think you are not only happy with this but you actually see it as a semi permanent thing. It begs the question, what the heck are you so concerned about, but I'll even let that go. I would quietly just say, let's see what you're saying in June or September. Let's see how Sue sees her progression of it in this new direction. As ever, we'll see.

 

[Enigma632]

@SoonToBe got to say that I agree with much of what @peakmb has said.

Back in December you posted (in the previous thread) about how "this wouldn't be forever" that once you relocate in 2019 or 2020 that the two of you would be able to "discover each other again when this is over"

Now Sue is saying (admitting?) "that her sexual desire and feelings for me (i.e. Steve) have changed - decreased." - does this mean that she will have any desire left when it comes time to rediscover each other?

I also see that she's back to using the Wednesday evening sessions to re-enforce the way that Steve is thinking to be how she wants it - as has been said many times before having discussions like that while Steve is in a state of sexual excitement is just not fair, he'll agree to almost anything and the pleasure from his release will just re-enforce his programming - these discussions would be better dressed and sat at the table.

For me Alpha to beta is an incremental scale, there are different levels of Alpha-ness and beta-ness and where they meet it all gets a bit blurred, is Steve 100% Beta? No definitely not, IMHO probably no more than 35 or 40% otherwise he would have just given in to all of this a couple of years back

But like @peakmb has said the best thing for us to do is to let it go, sit back, watch and wait to see what happens

 

[SquirmingSub]

Steve,

As you know while many of us on the forum agree in some areas we clearly disagree in other areas. I think the use of the term “game” by some has been something that you have not played in years; for the last few years you have been developing and evolving your relationship into a new lifestyle choice that seems to work well for both of you.

Sue is correct in saying that this did not happen overnight, it is something that had already been happening and when you openly admitted your desires to explore the beta path it also opened up another door for her to also explore a path that was complimentary to your own path. Now that we are in 2018, you both have taken those steps together to merge each of your paths into one for your journey forward. Symbiotic is a good way to describe it considering your new level of open discussion and the shared journey in which you’re on together.

Masculinity does not describe being alpha or beta, you can be masculinity while being either or. Very clear difference in masculinity verse feminine even on this forum. You can also enjoy this lifestyle with mutually agreed denial while your wife enjoys exclusivity with another man without being humiliated as some have suggested.

As far as your wife beginning to see and treat you different after your admission of wanting to explore being beta; this is not simply a Sue thing, this happens with many women which are drawn towards alpha types sexually. As a couple, you likely will never go back to being vanilla or traditional when it comes to normalizing sex after taking this path together. While you may go back to a non-denial state at some point, this lifestyle does change couples in many ways.

Overall it would seem that you and Sue have found a place that works for both of you in your own respective way. Truly being committed to fulfilling your beta desires and having openly honest communication with Sue throughout this year is going to be key to the overall success for both of you on this path.

As always, it was good to read your very open sharing of your experiences, thoughts and feelings. Good luck with everything.

SS

 

[dana007]

STB
is there meet still on ,or has the weather stopped.
it for today.
keep us posted.

 

[azsurfer77]

We can debate 'Fifty shades of Beta' but there are several other questions that might give us more insight.
What happened last weekend? Did Paul show up for dinner? How was STB treated by Paul, and Sue at dinner? What was the conversation like? Did Paul ask STB to do the dishes while he and Sue went away to play in another room? Did STB get to witness anything or was everything done behind closed doors? How was STB treated the rest of the evening by Paul, and by Sue? Was he shown the respect of a (somewhat) equal in this triangular relationship, or treated with disdain?
Did Paul show his aggressive and 'master' relationship to STB while Sue was present - which would seem to please her - yet was respectful, and said 'thanks' to STB in private as he did the afternoon of New Years Day.
What are the plans for this weekend, and how will STB be treated by Paul and Sue, when they are together, and when they are separate? These might go a long way to telling us how this relationship is going to work. STB has offered us his conversations with Sue, as discussed in private, but how is he treated when Sue and Paul are together?

 

[SoonToBe]

So, I can see that I guess I should explain my apparent change of heart that some are seeing.
First, to the concept of this being a permanent/forever change. I don't view it as that even if she hasn't said there is no finite end. It's actually interesting that I am trying to truly be beta and I am really trying to do it for her if not just for me because I can see she is already feeling what she wants.

Like last night. We went out to dinner and then came back and shared some wine in front of the fire and we just talked and held hands and watched the fire. We kissed at times and there was no doubt of love between us as she lay back on my lap at one point as we had something on the TV and I ran my fingers through her hair as she settled in and lay back against me. It's going to sound weird, but it felt good knowing that we were just going to lie there and truly relax together knowing we weren't going to need to go upstairs and have sex or do anything more than we were doing right then. Getting into bed after that last night was surprisingly nice feeling. She knew I was probably horny and as we lay there she told me that she didn't mind if I relieved myself and she told me that I should always feel free if I was horny. She smiled at me and said "tell you what - you get it started and I'll help you at the end". It was just so nice to hear her want to do that for me - I pulled the cover down and she turned the light on a little (gotta love Alexa controlled lights) and she slid down to watch me.

I told her I felt good about us and she said she loved hearing me say that. She teased me a bit at first and I told her it was fun to hear her and she kept it going a bit longer. It felt like a Wednesday night but this time she wanted to finish me at the end and I was so into it. She told me how special it felt between us and yes, how it felt now that she 'knew' that she could be fully his. I told her that I hadn't known that the times we'd had sex towards the end of last year weren't always times she wanted it and I reminded her that she wasn't supposed to think or be that way and that I truly wanted her to feel how she says she is now. She hushed me and said that while she may have wanted that, she also truly wanted me and she admitted to thoroughly enjoying New Years Eve with me and that she won't forget how I made her feel as her husband could only do. It sounded just so intense to me that before I knew it I was on the edge. She told me she hoped it would make it easier for me today and wow did she gobble down my cock. She brought me to the edge a few more times until I could take it no longer and she went just that bit further and let me finally cum hard. I couldn't wait to kiss her and it was just a very close moment for us. I was still throbbing as she opened her mouth and we kissed and shared my cum together. I loved that our eyes were open at that moment and that I could feel her holding me so closely. When we stopped and swallowed we kissed one last time and she giggled and said "that should hold you".

So back to how I'm feeling. I really listened to her and I had to really think about me for a change. What was I hiding from. What was I scared of? It's surely not the sex - I mean of course I'm going to miss it - but it always seemed to be more than that. And I do think it's this whole masculine thing and yes, the belief in my head that things hadn't changed - when indeed they have. It made me think - these changes are moving towards me being more beta and I guess in a way, moving the scale in that direction. When she said that things had begun to change years back now it made me realize that what I'm resisting is in many ways what I now seem to truly want.

It sounds crazy but it feels genuine now that I think I've accepted that I really do want it to work this time. Sure it's scary as hell to think about what may happen, but at the same time, it feels incredible to be discovering new things sexually even if they aren't what I'd ever thought about. So, I'm going to try to embrace being the beta. I'm going to try to shun the thoughts of needing or wanting her sexually and make sure she and he knows that I want them to feel they can do and experience what they want together. She obviously needs the sex and the mental state she has with him - my god - people we know always ask how Sue is always so 'up' - if they only knew. But I can see it so clearly in her that even if she wanted to hide it I could see the pleasure in her eyes.

She's out getting a mani-pedi again - she says it makes her feel sexy and she reminded me that when she's naked with him - that her painted nails are literally the only thing she has on. It made me feel so amazing to hear and learn how she feels about something like that - something I don't think I'd ever know or consider not being a beta.

He's going to be here around 6pm tonight - he is bringing dinner this time. To answer questions about last week - no, he's not bossy or dominant over me in any way outside sexually with Sue. However in those situations he does seem to definitely be making progress. She says she is still coaching him and she giggled and said that it's not BDSM stuff - someone PM'd me and asked if this were a 50-Shades of Grey kind of thing between them and that is not what it is. The playful spanking is as far as she is willing to go - I know because I asked her.

However she has admitted that if she can truly feel what she wants with him, that she expects to let him have her anally at some point in time. She says it is a part of how she feels when he is in the bathroom with her - that she wants to feel that she holds nothing back from him. I asked her if she was going to be okay "you know.... his shape...." and she giggled and said that is the biggest problem but then she added that after he's in that it shouldn't be a problem. I blurted out that it might be like dogs knotted together until he goes soft which made her blush and shoo me away laughing at my dirty mind but at the same time with that sultry look that said I'd hit a nerve too.

Is it crazy to say that I hope she lets me watch if she lets him get to that point? That is what I mean - I want to push myself to think more that way and to want more of this for her. We talked and I recognize that other than a few rough spots, that this is what has made me feel more fulfilled and satisfied - to want her to fulfill herself and experience it with her. It feels good - and if she'll surprise me like last night, I'm surely going to look forward to this more.

I'll end this here by saying that to further myself in being beta - that I've started to check out some of these hypnosis videos/audios on Youtube. There are several that focus on being more submissive as a male. There are a few that I particularly enjoy now and while I'm not sure I believe in hypnosis over the web, I do think they are very relaxing and soothing and yes, perhaps they are helping. Either way, I feel far less anxiety right now than I ever thought I could even at the thoughts of the unknown future.

 

[dana007]

STB
hope all goes well tonight.
keep us posted.

 

[far2easy]

great job Stb, seems you are accepting it and settling in! Hopefully in time she will let you clean her after Paul leaves his seed in her. Maybe if she is getting it more frequently, she won’t need to feel the need to leave it in her for the feeling as much. Being able to clean up is one of my favorite things to do right after, that is really being invovled with them and showing acceptance

 

[StudCaptM]

Tumblr

Steve
Do Paul's ceampies look like this?