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SERIOUS Discussion about Cuckolding and Hotwifing

  • Thread starterJulieIsMe
  • Start date
A "fairly large percentage" (whatever that means) of men, IMO, find masturbation about as sexually-satisfying as sex with a woman. In a sense, it can be more satisfying. This is because while beating our weenies, we men can focus mentally on the fantasies that most turn us on and orgasm on a time-scale that suits us. Also, we can beat our weenies with nothing more than our hands; hardware (/a toy) is not required.

Yup, I can sure believe that!! :)


Sex with a woman, by contrast, requires focusing on her and how she is responding in order to bring her to orgasm (we hope), while also focusing on ourselves in order to avoid orgasm too soon (we also hope). This can be *very* satisfying, especially if the woman is highly sexual, but the required division of attention makes it more challenging.

Women, by contrast (IMO), tend to find sex *much* more satisfying if they are stimulated by emotional and psychological interaction with a seductive and sexually-appealing man; even more so if they are not accustomed to predictable sexual procedures with the man because they live with him.

True! True!

In other words, if a married woman can attract lovers and wants to do so (see my previous post), she will almost certainly find sex with her lovers *much* more stimulating than sex with her husband AND considerably more satisfying than sex with her dildos.

Perhaps sometimes in some cases, just for the sense of adventure, I mean.

Of course, this does not preclude women from masturbating by hand and/or using (e.g.) vibrating dildos of whatever size maximizes their pleasure, to attain intense orgasms whenever they have the time and the privacy. But, satisfaction attained "risk free" with a mechanical device evidently does not compare to the emotional/psychological high a married women attains from trysts with her lovers.
( "Adventure" again is the chief motivator - exiting interaction with some "else" who is new and unpredictable, that is.


I assert this because if this were not the case, essentially all unsatisfied married women would masturbate with their dildos (often instead of having sex with their husbands, probably), instead of subjecting themselves to the risk, intrigue, and "time-schedule inconvenience" of taking lovers.

Now, this does not preclude some married women from finding satisfaction with their dildos (in addition to their husbands), and no doubt "some percentage" of married women prefer this to the risk of taking lovers. This preference, I would say, is consistent with the hypothesis in my previous post if one views it in terms of a woman's position on the "female sexuality scale" relative to her husband's position on the "male sexuality scale."

Enough for now. More later, probably.

Yes, all in all, I can buy everything you've mentioned here. It makes a lot of sense to me and I'm really curious about anything else you might like to add as we go along! Thanks again for contributing these interesting perspectives. I'll bet a lot of readers are getting a better perspective on their own feelings and drives because of what they're reading here.

—Custer[/QUOTE]
 
A "fairly large percentage" (whatever that means) of men, IMO, find masturbation about as sexually-satisfying as sex with a woman. In a sense, it can be more satisfying. This is because while beating our weenies, we men can focus mentally on the fantasies that most turn us on and orgasm on a time-scale that suits us.

I am different. For me having sex is a zillion times better than masturbation.

In addition one can have fantasies while having sex.

For me masturbation is an unplanned activity when there is no mate around.

However, I will admit that I know nothing about the orgasms cucks have while they watch the wife fucking another man. The descriptions suggest that it is very intense and develops with minimal physical stimulation. This verifies that the brain is a great sex organ.

I also believe many women fuck men because they are looking for an emotional connection. That does not mean that women like to have sex for sport, but at some point they can get emotionally attached----men too!

I have another fantasy that may or may not be related to the topic at hand. This fantasy also implies female domination, which IMO is slightly different than being a slave.

The cuckoldress come s home after fucking her lover and informs her husband that she is still horny. The cuckoldress then forces the husband to have sex with her, but he is upset because she wife was fucking her lover. In other words the H is an unwilling cuck and hence this is domination rather than submission.

The cuckoldress then gets upset with the limp penis of her husband. The husband claims he is too upset to get it up because she was fucking her lover.

The cuckoldress then gets very angry and initiates a 69 and gives a blowjob to the helpless cuck and he eventually gets an erection. The cuckoldress then climbs on top and covers the face of her H with her pussy.

The cuck does not want to eat her pussy and is horrified because his powerful wife is now straddling his face with her freshly fucked pussy. At this point the wife gets very horny and starts to climb to the orgasmic plateau. She gets very horny and simply grinds her pussy on her husband's face.

And then she finally cums with and applies maximum force with her pelvis as she screams. In the meantime she has no clue that the husband has lost consciousness for not been able to breath as she asphyxiates him with her massive pussy.
 
fantasycuck said:
I am different. For me having sex is a zillion times better than masturbation.

In addition one can have fantasies while having sex.

For me masturbation is an unplanned activity when there is no mate around.

However, I will admit that I know nothing about the orgasms cucks have while they watch the wife fucking another man. The descriptions suggest that it is very intense and develops with minimal physical stimulation. This verifies that the brain is a great sex organ.

I also believe many women fuck men because they are looking for an emotional connection. That does not mean that women like to have sex for sport, but at some point they can get emotionally attached----men too!

I have another fantasy that may or may not be related to the topic at hand. This fantasy also implies female domination, which IMO is slightly different than being a slave.

The cuckoldress come s home after fucking her lover and informs her husband that she is still horny. The cuckoldress then forces the husband to have sex with her, but he is upset because she wife was fucking her lover. In other words the H is an unwilling cuck and hence this is domination rather than submission.

The cuckoldress then gets upset with the limp penis of her husband. The husband claims he is too upset to get it up because she was fucking her lover.

The cuckoldress then gets very angry and initiates a 69 and gives a blowjob to the helpless cuck and he eventually gets an erection. The cuckoldress then climbs on top and covers the face of her H with her pussy.

The cuck does not want to eat her pussy and is horrified because his powerful wife is now straddling his face with her freshly fucked pussy. At this point the wife gets very horny and starts to climb to the orgasmic plateau. She gets very horny and simply grinds her pussy on her husband's face.

And then she finally cums with and applies maximum force with her pelvis as she screams. In the meantime she has no clue that the husband has lost consciousness for not been able to breath as she asphyxiates him with her massive pussy.

If it were possible, would you like to be involved in this lifestyle and employ male escorts of the specific build, age, race you and your wife would find most stimulating? Or would you like to do it with strangers who needed to be recruited from the population at large?
You see, I'm wondering why more couples don't take advantage of descret adult entertainers ( even male strippers ) who would gladly service the wife for a fee, instead of trying to interact with strangers "off the street" who may have who knows what kind of motives or health problems. If people were really interested in this lifestyle, it seems to me that the hiring of adult entertainers would be more practical, efficient, and expedient than what is usually considered as the standard approach to this activity.
 
JulieIsMe said:
I'm wondering why more couples don't take advantage of descret adult entertainers ( even male strippers ) who would gladly service the wife for a fee, instead of trying to interact with strangers "off the street" who may have who knows what kind of motives or health problems. If people were really interested in this lifestyle, it seems to me that the hiring of adult entertainers would be more practical, efficient, and expedient than what is usually considered as the standard approach to this activity.
It seems to me that having sex with a guy who does it for money, is very different from having sex with someone who wants to have sex with you because he truly desires you. Let's not forget that in our world sexually speaking women are in high demand, much more so than men... and they're used to that from their early teens onwards.
Just think of the psychological consequences for a woman who would be reduced to paying for sex, like if she were a man...
 
For me it is a form of BDSM. It is a power exchange. Cuckolding can be far more powerful than any whip or clamp or paddle. I entered it craving "femdom" - wanting my wife to be Supreme. Be careful what you wish for.

I have learned it is power itself, "femdom" or otherwise, and my submission to it that seems to be the underlying reason for my cuckold life. It's that basic.
 
Eno said:
It seems to me that having sex with a guy who does it for money, is very different from having sex with someone who wants to have sex with you because he truly desires you. Let's not forget that in our world sexually speaking women are in high demand, much more so than men... and they're used to that from their early teens onwards.
Just think of the psychological consequences for a woman who would be reduced to paying for sex, like if she were a man...


Perhaps in some views this is the case, but in this lifestyle it seems that sex itself is the supreme focus. The husband fantasizes about seeing his wife with another man of specific type, race, strength, stamina, etc. The wife ( if she's willing to go along with this desire of her husband's ) wants to comply specifically. So hiring a male ****** or stripper who will take a little "extra" under the table and go further than just removing his clothes, seems more practical and efficient in terms of finding the exact type of play partner for the wife in the shortest time possible. It is also the most efficient way of allowing the husband to be a spectator. The "pay for sex" angle may pale in this case because paying allows the couple to get what they want in terms of a play partner for the wife quickly and easily and at any time they feel like doing this. And equally, they would be assured of no "strings" connected to the play partner - no hidden agendas, no mood swings, no flare-up's later on. Instead it would just be the performing of the act ( which is what the whole lifestyle revolves around anyway ) and after that, the play partner departs and does not bother the couple or the wife again. He only appears when asked, does what he is paid to do, and then vanishes again. This seems much more attractive in my view than trying to recruit a stranger to play with.
PS In your personal case, the guy who gets paid for sex with you under these circumstances wouldn't necessarily not want sex with you otherwise. The money just brings you both into contact for a specific purpose as quickly as possible. If my husband was dead set on doing this, I would personally be far more willing to do it in front of him with some "professional" than with perfect strangers I'd have to spend time to get to know and all that.
 
devavu2009 said:
For me it is a form of BDSM. It is a power exchange. Cuckolding can be far more powerful than any whip or clamp or paddle. I entered it craving "femdom" - wanting my wife to be Supreme. Be careful what you wish for.

I have learned it is power itself, "femdom" or otherwise, and my submission to it that seems to be the underlying reason for my cuckold life. It's that basic.

Hi there!

Yes, I was just saying to another poster a while back that there seems to be a lot of fetish elements looped into this phenomenon. Cross dressing, domination, etc. seem to be very common "add-on's" within the activity structure of this lifestyle.
 
Hi Julie,
Let me first respond by saying that this is a great thread you have started. We appreciate it!

I would simply like to state that at first, I was a bit uncomfortable with the whole 'sharing' aspect of cuckolding. My wife was a little apprehensive as well. In our situation.. The men my wife are involved with are co-workers of ours. Actually our bosses at work, and we have been long time friends with them as well. That made it easier for the both of us entering into the lifestyle.

Concerning me, I would definitely say that it is very rewarding for me to see my wife satisfied on a whole different level than I could ever satisfy her sexually. I love my wife very much and it makes me feel great to see her satisfied in this way, plus the cuckolding has evolved to a degree now that I have become somewhat subservient to her Bulls. The caveat is that my wife and I dictate the terms of just how far we let her Bulls have control over me and her.

As for my wife, She and I communicate way more than we did in the past, and that has led to a more intimate relationship between the both of us in regard to the intellectual level. She tells me that she is lucky to have found a man that wants his wife to experience all the sexual fantasies that may arise with no hang-ups. We have managed to compartmentalize pure hard sex she has with her Bulls and the intimate sex life that a committed married couple should have that truly love one another. With that said, We can assure that our marriage has taken on a whole nother meaning in the most positive sense.

just our two cents.. :)

Melanie and Ryan
 
JulieIsMe said:
If it were possible, would you like to be involved in this lifestyle and employ male escorts of the specific build, age, race you and your wife would find most stimulating? Or would you like to do it with strangers who needed to be recruited from the population at large?
You see, I'm wondering why more couples don't take advantage of descret adult entertainers ( even male strippers ) who would gladly service the wife for a fee, instead of trying to interact with strangers "off the street" who may have who knows what kind of motives or health problems. If people were really interested in this lifestyle, it seems to me that the hiring of adult entertainers would be more practical, efficient, and expedient than what is usually considered as the standard approach to this activity.

I have no intention of taking my fantasy to reality. I don't want my wife tom fuck other men. Sure, she fucked another guy, but she did it behind my back.

Her cuckolding made me horny, but I did not like being cuckolded. I believe I got horny because I wanted to reclaim my wife--------some sort of primitive drive to reclaim one's mate.

At a fantasy level I acknowledge cuckolding can be erotic.

My other fantasy cannot be achieved because there are no giant powerful women (giantess) in the planet.

If a woman has pretty feet she can touch me with her toes in an erotic manner. I do not care about sucking toes, but she can caress my face or genitals with her feet. That one is quite easy to make a reality.

Can you explain what is your fantasy?

BTW, the fetish thing is a guy thing. Fetishes are highly uncommon in women so this probably sounds very bizarre to you.
 
slaved I've often pondered the question of why I'm so into the idea. I have to say that my conclusions sometimes make me wonder some ugly things about myself.

JulieIsMe you really think its fair to consider the motivating elements behind your interest in this as "ugly"? After all, its just a focus. Its not like you get off by torturing animals or by wanting to watch snuff films or by secretly dreaming about committing mass murder. Please be kind to yourself! This is only a perspective - a sexual focus, and if you are willingly involved in it, it hurts no one.

In short, you're saying I'm over analyzing it. And you're probably right.



slaved Before I start I should say that my wife and I have never actually engaged in cuckolding...s&m yes.

JulieIsMe why do you think that you two probably won't do anything about this - especially if its a turn-on for her and for you? And what you've told me here reminds me so much about what my mother told me about my dad's initial desire to see her involved in this lifestyle. Its started with this fantasy sort of thing between them too, but my dad carried it on further and eventually prodded and pushed my mom until she gave in. Then it all became very real.

We have young children. I don't think we will engage in this until they are grown and out of the house if we do it at all. I know it isn't likely but I'm afraid of attracting someone dangerous. Its not a risk I want to take at this juncture. But you never know. The wife and I might take a trip somewhere and find ourselves living out this fantasy. Another thing that holds me back (and I suspect her too) is that if we to engage in this it might damage our relationship. Once it happens it isn't something you can "take back" and we may find that either one of us or both of us doesn't enjoy it at all in reality.


slaved I like being dominated and degraded. I used to be solely into S&M...being dominated and humiliated by women.

JulieIsMeI understand. I've been dominated by someone at a certain point in my life and I can relate to how it can really get a grip on you emotionally and sexually. I think that there are probably a lot of men out there who would love for a woman to dominate them, but our society is so utterly one-dimensional in so many respects that men and women get into these pidgeon holes as far as behavior/interaction goes and end up actually rather stunted.

I think you're right. I think there's plenty of men out there that would love being dominated by a woman. But i don't believe that there are as many women out there that want to dominate a man. Some talk the talk but when it gets down to it, I truly believe that most women prefer to play the submissive role during sex.

slaved When I got into my teens I started having cuck fantasies after reading a Penthouse forum story about a married couple that became involved with a black guy with a huge dick.

JulieIsMe Perhaps you've answered this question further down in your post, but have you ever had a desire to have sex with another male? Especially a much stronger, more virile, more endowed Black male?

Yes I mentioned that I did experiment with having sex with other males. I tried it with white guys...didn't do anything for me. It only turned me on when I did this with black males. It made me absolutely weak with lust when they played the dominant role. In fact, I'd do it again in a second and my wife wouldn't have to be anywhere around or even know about it. If a big strong black guy came onto me I really don't think I could say no

slaved Since being dominated and degraded by women turns me on does this mean that I actually view women as inferior to men?

JulieIsMe Well, while you're wondering, what do you think the answer might be? Or would you take a guess even if your conclusion may be revised at a later date?

I'm not sure what the answer is. I like to think not. Sometimes I think that, subconciously at least, I do look down on women. Logically, I know that there's no reason to do that. I know plenty of women that are just as if not more together than I am. Honestly, I usually come to the conclusion that its just the simple fact that I'm sexually submissive. The fact is that a woman I'm attracted to has a power over me that defies description and I'm glad that they have no idea just how much power they wield.


slaved By that same rationale, am I a racist? I'm into being dominated and degraded and a white guy doing it just doesn't do it for me.

JulieIsMeHave you ever considered the possibility that the attraction to Black men being involved in this scenario of your's just may be due to the fact that they offer the most contrast to your own physical appearance? That is, of all humans available on the planet, the most extreme contrast to White is of course, Black. So, if you like the idea of your wife being sexually overwhelmed and you being humiliated and dominated in the process, what better "image" to inject than a Black man, right? That is, rather than it being connected to you being a closet racist or some other more esoteric reason or reasons.

It isn't just my wife being sexually overwhelmed by a black man (or men) that turns me on. Its the idea of both of us being sexually overwhelmed. I have many fantasies that involve my being dominated first, then her. Although it is usually her that gets dominate first. I think you're likely correct in that it probably just the fact that a black man is as different from me as I can get...I kind of xenoarousal. I'm also turned on by the idea of being exploited by black men...both of us used as sexual toys and pimped out. This makes me think I have some kind of guilt complex. On the other hand, it could just be the degradation of being exploited that turns me on...but I don't get turned on thinking about white guys doing it to me or us.


slavedAm I gay/bi?

JulieIsMeThis one is particularly interesting.

I would theorize that bi-sexuality comes in many, many degrees and can also vary in intensity in the same person at different times of life for different reasons. You may have a bi-sexual focus that is rather more specialized than what most people consider bi-sexuality to be. And it may revolve around very specific stimuli that must be presented in very specific ways in order to be set off "just right" for you to feel responsive. Nothing at all wrong with that, I'd personally say.

I would agree that I am bi and that it does take specific stimuli to turn me on. I just question why it has to be the specific stimuli mentioned. But I'm thinking now, after reading your responses and those of others that I am overanalyzing all this and I should just enjoy it for what it is at face value

slavedBut could I actually fall in love with a guy?

JulieIsMeSomehow I personally really doubt that heart-felt "love" has very much at all to do with the men involved in this phenomenon being focused on Black men. I think its more visual and a matter of raw sexuality, and wanting to see a certain expression of raw sexuality between the wife and the Black man, and also to willingly submit to the very opposite, contrasting, physically superior male.

I do want to see that but the sex I imagine never excludes me. Its always a threesome, at least to an extent. But I am always involved in a subservient way

slaved Do I really love my wife?

JulieIsMe in today's society where there is a real push to live "inside the head" the idea of fantasy scenarios and objectification of one's mate are probably more common than most of us realize. You probably do love your wife, but I think its important to remember that "love" is as different to each person as there are different people on the planet, and "love" for each person also shifts and changes its characteristics as time passes. How you "love" today may be completely different from how you will "love" five years or ten years from now.

I think I do love her. I was just pointing out that there are those that would disagree...I think most would disagree. This makes me question my own feelings and wonder if I'm warped.

JulieIsMeIts like I was saying to another person who replied to this thread; what is today may not be the same as what will be in a year or two. You may outgrow this entire focus. You may eventually find it boring.

Somehow I doubt it. Its been my big fantasy for nearly 30 years. I think the only way it might change is if it actually happens and the reality of it turns me off to it.


JulieIsMeWow, aren't I a boring philosophical bitch?!!

lol, yeah...you are. But I think its kinda neat. I certainly wasn't expecting this kind of exploration when I came here and I'm pleasantly surprised.
 
JulieIsMe said:
The husband fantasizes about seeing his wife with another man of specific type, race, strength, stamina, etc. The wife ( if she's willing to go along with this desire of her husband's ) wants to comply specifically...
I guess it's a matter of premises: if cuckolding is viewed as a lifestyle for the pleasure of the husband, then you're probably right.

Maybe not so if it is seen as a means for the wife to enjoy sexual freedom without having to sacrifice the benefit of a faithful husband and thus, a stable marriage.
 
I don't understand the black/white thing. What difference does it make? As for cuckolding, 90% of it is in the head. I get more jealous of my wife kissing her lover than fucking him. Way more.
 
melanieandryan said:
Hi Julie,
Let me first respond by saying that this is a great thread you have started. We appreciate it!

Hi there, and thanks for the compliments. Glad to hear from you!

The men my wife are involved with are co-workers of ours. Actually our bosses at work, and we have been long time friends with them as well.

So, what is so special about these bosses? Is it their positions of authority? Is it something physical in comparison with you yourself? Even though they are long-time friends and co-workers, why them as play partners for your wife? There must be something more arrousing than just friendship and work relationships involved, right?

Concerning me, I would definitely say that it is very rewarding for me to see my wife satisfied on a whole different level than I could ever satisfy her sexually.

Yes, I don't doubt you love her a lot. My parents were involved in this lifestyle for quite awhile, and I know that they loved each other throughout it all and after it hand ended. But getting to this satisfaction "on a whole different level" thing: where does that come from? How does it transpire? What do the "bulls" have that you don't and how are they able to do such a superior job servicing your wife?


As for my wife, She and I communicate way more than we did in the past, and that has led to a more intimate relationship between the both of us in regard to the intellectual level. just our two cents.. :)

Yes, its nice to hear that both of you agree on the amount of pleasure and happiness this is bringing to your marriage.

Melanie and Ryan

Thanks again for your input! Please do add more as you feel the urge to!
 
fantasycuck said:
I have no intention of taking my fantasy to reality. I don't want my wife tom fuck other men. Sure, she fucked another guy, but she did it behind my back.

Her cuckolding made me horny, but I did not like being cuckolded. I believe I got horny because I wanted to reclaim my wife--------some sort of primitive drive to reclaim one's mate.

Oh, I see where you're coming from now. Okay

My other fantasy cannot be achieved because there are no giant powerful women (giantess) in the planet.

I don't know! There are some pretty big, powerful, and tall women around these days!!!! Just how large does she have to be in order to fit into this fantasy of your's?

If a woman has pretty feet she can touch me with her toes in an erotic manner. I do not care about sucking toes, but she can caress my face or genitals with her feet. That one is quite easy to make a reality.

I've never quite connected with what people find attractive about feet, but that's just me I guess. However, I will say that fetishes of all sorts seem to find their way into this lifestyle, that's for sure!

Can you explain what is your fantasy?

Well, as far as any fantasies I have go; none have anything to do with the cuckold/hotwife lifestyle/phenomenon.


BTW, the fetish thing is a guy thing. Fetishes are highly uncommon in women so this probably sounds very bizarre to you.

I wouldn't say it sounds 'bizarre" to me, because there are sooooo many fetish focuses out there these days. But I can say that they sound a bit strange at times.
 
Hi again, slaved!

Glad to hear you're enjoying this exchange and the thread in general. And I don't know if you are over doing it with all the wondering and speculating. I don't think you need to be down on yourself about any of this, but at then again I think that the more an individual involved in it can learn about his personal drives and motives connected to it, the more interesting and fulfilling it might just become for him.

One of the most interesting aspects of what you've mentioned so far is how you feel you may be looking down on women, but yet you wish to be dominated by them. I've heard that people ( both sexes ) who are in positions of high responsibility and authority, and who dominated others from those positions day in and day out, really desire and often seek out situations where they themselves will experience domination at the hands of others. Sort of a drive for emotional balance or something. Very interesting because it seems to be rather common.
 
Eno said:
I guess it's a matter of premises: if cuckolding is viewed as a lifestyle for the pleasure of the husband, then you're probably right.

Maybe not so if it is seen as a means for the wife to enjoy sexual freedom without having to sacrifice the benefit of a faithful husband and thus, a stable marriage.

Hello Eno! Nice to hear from you. :) So, do you mean that "not so" because the wife would desire multiple sex partners without any prompting on the part of her "faithful husband"? If so, I can see your point, but it seems very rare. The more I read about this lifestyle/phenomenon, the more I feel that it is initiated by husbands who have a very real fixation on seeing their wives serviced by other males. That is, initiated to the point of having to really pressure and prod the wives before the wives cooperate and take part.
Of course, there always must be exceptions. I can believe that there are women out there who naturally desire lots of different partners for sex and who enjoy marriage, but still need the "freedom" you mention. Its just that they probably - realistically - don't even amount to twenty or thirty percent of the women who actually do end up taking part in this sort of activity.
 
devavu2009 said:
I don't understand the black/white thing. What difference does it make? As for cuckolding, 90% of it is in the head. I get more jealous of my wife kissing her lover than fucking him. Way more.

Hi there!

Well, it seems to make a significant difference to a lot of people. My parents, to name two! When they were involved in this lifestyle, my mother played exclusively with Black men. I got a lot of feedback from her about it when I finally approached her with questions after my dad had passed away. You see, neither she nor he had any idea I was aware of what they'd been doing while I was in my teens and still living at home. But this aside, I theorize that the desire by White married men to see their wives serviced by Black men is primarily due to the strict contrast in physical appearance just due to skin color. Secondarily, there are other elements such as differences in endowment and muscularity, and also differences in stamina, dominating attitude, self-confidence, and so on - even such things as the higher levels of pherimones that seem to be released by Black men play into the interaction between the wife and the play partners.
Since they just look different, the White married male might experience some extra sort of thrill in terms of fantasy fulfillment whenever his wife is being serviced by a Black male. At least that's how it seems from all that I've learned so far.
But in your personal case, its obviously not an issue at all. This isn't surprising. There is such a vast area of flexibility and adaptability connected to this lifestyle, its almost impossible to nail down any set standard for expressing it. In other words, there's lots of room for individual preferences to be injected and given play.
 
good to see a woman frequently posting

Hi Julie,

In my opinion, there are two motivations for a man to want his wife to do this. Physically, there are 'sperm wars' - which basically comes down to the idea that competition equals arousal.

Psychologically what matters most, I believe, is what a person perceives as real. I define real as what happens outside of that person's own influence, which is therefore something not of their own making. This is crucial because in relationships, people often hide truths to avoid hurting each other.

In adult life, we tend to prioritize our needs to gain maximum happiness. For instance, a woman may learn that she may have to sacrifice 'ultimate sex' for a little security in her relationship. A man might have to sacrifice being the best lover his wife has ever had in order to keep himself from looking elsewhere and just stay with the woman he's got. All this is a generalization but it represents the bargaining we do with ourselves to keep an exciting relationship.

Further, we tend to avoid hurting each other's feelings, the more mature we become.

All this being said, if a man feels he is an inferior lover, or that his woman is missing something in her sex life, it may be hard to support what he believes is an illusion for both him and his wife. Also, if he thinks she was happier with someone else, he might want to replay that time of her life with her because he wasn't there before. He may feel that, even if it means only watching, he is sharing her deepest passions.

A man may already be inclined to feel an inferior lover due to a past experience before his marriage. Maybe it was even a positive experience because it only reinforced a bond between him and a woman while not having the issue of sexual rejection (such as the boy in the fifth grade who liked to get beaten up by a girl- the girl whom I understand also enjoying herself).

If something starts as a game, and does not vary, it may get boring (like your example of people moving to a city to get more stimuli). If a relationship is boring, a husband or wife may feel their partner's feelings for them are not genuine. This can lead to infidelities or other means to 'spice things up'. Again, what is real is the most intense- it is unpredictable and the stakes are high because their is so little within our control- but the potential for reward is greatest.

This is only the tip of the iceberg and I am not sure how you feel about my posting, so I will stop here.
 
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Hello

You can feel free to post as much as you want. I'm happy to hear from you, and I'm willing to forget the past conflict. As long as we stay on the topic of this thread and remain civil, I can't see any reason why you shouldn't participate. So welcome to my thread, ytrewq!
 
In my opinion, there are two motivations for a man to want his wife to do this. Physically, there are 'sperm wars' - which basically comes down to the idea that competition equals arousal.

Yes, the politics of it is part of what gets to women, and it also plays into the area of gratifying the male ego - that's absolutely true.

Psychologically what matters most, I believe, is what a person perceives as real. I define real as what happens outside of that person's own influence, which is therefore something not of their own making. This is crucial because in relationships, people often hide truths to avoid hurting each other.

In adult life, we tend to prioritize our needs to gain maximum happiness. For instance, a woman may learn that she may have to sacrifice 'ultimate sex' for a little security in her relationship.

A man might have to sacrifice being the best lover his wife has ever had in order to keep himself from looking elsewhere and just stay with the woman he's got.

On "paper" this might sound correct, but a "lover" in the view of the greater majority of women who ever lived and ever will live is someone who "loves" far beyond sexual acts. Yes, I admit there are some women who want a lot of sex with a lot of men for whatever reason, but I don't think they consider this as having anything to do with love. I think that this lifestyle is actually a kind of species of Swinging. Its more for experiencing something different - something outside the norm. I don't think that the man ( in almost all cases ) "sacrifices" being anything. I've been in contact with one member on this forum who was definitely cucked by his wife, but without his knowledge or desire to be. It was so impactful and abusive that it colored his entire view of what was possible for him with other women. This is a case of the man being sacrificed by the wife for her pleasure whether it hurt him or not. But reading all the posts from members here; I get the impression that the men/husbands/boyfriends are at least as willing as the women are to have this lifestyle - and usually the men are far more willing than the women are. I'm generalizing too, of course.


All this is a generalization but it represents the bargaining we do with ourselves to keep an exciting relationship.

Yes, that's what I've concluded. The majority of these cuckold/hotwife relationships are just forays into a lifestyle for the sake of more excitement and the aleviation of feeling bored with the "same old" aspects of marriage.

Further, we tend to avoid hurting each other's feelings, the more mature we become.


All this being said, if a man feels he is an inferior lover, or that his woman is missing something in her sex life, it may be hard to support what he believes is an illusion for both him and his wife. Also, if he thinks she was happier with someone else, he might want to replay that time of her life with her because he wasn't there before. He may feel that, even if it means only watching, he is sharing her deepest passions.

Yes, realistically the above can be true, but I still submit that in most cuckold/hotwife realtionships it is not the case. Instead the activity of the wife is very valuable in terms of fantasy fulfillment for the husband. The husband doesn't really want her to go out and get the fucking of her life because he feels sorry for her. He wants her to do it because the entire range of imagery and real-time activity scenarios excite and stimulate him to no end. If he can watch, its probably the ultimate in his fantasy fulfillment, but again I don't think it has much at all to do with any sympathy he's got for not satisfying her within their marriage.

A man may already be inclined to feel an inferior lover due to a past experience before his marriage. Maybe it was even a positive experience because it only reinforced a bond between him and a woman while not having the issue of sexual rejection (such as the boy in the fifth grade who liked to get beaten up by a girl- the girl whom I understand also enjoying herself).

If something starts as a game, and does not vary, it may get boring (like your example of people moving to a city to get more stimuli). If a relationship is boring, a husband or wife may feel their partner's feelings for them are not genuine. This can lead to infidelities or other means to 'spice things up'. Again, what is real is the most intense- it is unpredictable and the stakes are high because their is so little within our control- but the potential for reward is greatest.

Perhaps they may feel that the spouse's feelings are not genuine. But this can't be applied to a lot of the couples who are Swinging or into this phenomenon. I am not up on Swinging, but in this phenomenon I think that most of the couples don't have too much if any doubt about each other's love. I think its just a form of Play. Since people have a far greater range of possibilities available to them today which allow then to explore and experiment sexually while inside marriages than they've had in the last several hundred years, it seems reasonable that couples would find their way into this phenomenon just as readily as into any other. Its all just for fun, for something naughty and unusual. But even so, I'm not sure of why the procedure itself ( husband prods wife to go and find play partner; wife does so; wife plays and husband gets off on it ) wouldn't be streamlined and made far more efficient and practical? Oh well. Perhaps I'll find this out as this thread proceeds??

This is only the tip of the iceberg and I am not sure how you feel about my posting, so I will stop here.[/QUOTE]
 

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