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SERIOUS Discussion about Cuckolding and Hotwifing
- Thread starterJulieIsMe
- Start date
I'm sorry - am I not allowed to speak my opinion.
I will agree that CIP and Hotwifeapril could have been more mature about things too, but this current thread started in one direction and then, to me - unnecessarily - began to tirade again about past offenses and the like.
My ending comment stands - if someone merely comes here to stir conflict, then I say boo to them.
Still - you do see that I did post my contribution to this thread in the sense that I hoped it was opened on, to have a cogent discussion of the motivation of cuckolds as Julie titled it. I honestly saw no reason to make any mention of prior interactions in other threads as part of this one and that is where I take my offense.
I will agree that CIP and Hotwifeapril could have been more mature about things too, but this current thread started in one direction and then, to me - unnecessarily - began to tirade again about past offenses and the like.
My ending comment stands - if someone merely comes here to stir conflict, then I say boo to them.
Still - you do see that I did post my contribution to this thread in the sense that I hoped it was opened on, to have a cogent discussion of the motivation of cuckolds as Julie titled it. I honestly saw no reason to make any mention of prior interactions in other threads as part of this one and that is where I take my offense.
Posts
Sorry I think you are alluding to my post above, which was in response to two very vulgar and denigratory posts by CiP and his cohort.
Thankfully they have now been removed but in doing so it inadvertently leaves my post referring to your earlier post and not the ones it was written about.
I welcome all constructive criticism and believe it can only help.
LLC
SoonToBe said:
Sorry I think you are alluding to my post above, which was in response to two very vulgar and denigratory posts by CiP and his cohort.
Thankfully they have now been removed but in doing so it inadvertently leaves my post referring to your earlier post and not the ones it was written about.
I welcome all constructive criticism and believe it can only help.
LLC
Last edited by a moderator:
Please stay on the topic of this thread. Also note that I never "re-entered" this forum. That is, I never was off it. I was away for a while doing summer stuff and enjoying myself......and getting a couple of photos taken of me which I promised to post at my profile page.
However, if you and other members feel negatively about me, just don't respond to me or post on my threads. That should be simple enough for everyone.
However, if you and other members feel negatively about me, just don't respond to me or post on my threads. That should be simple enough for everyone.
Thanks for the input, fantasycuck.
Your views are quite interesting, I think. It seems that there are a lot of different fetish and fantasy elements connected to what most people consider to be the cuckold/hotwife phenomenon. And in my view, its very difficult to sort out where the add-on or alien fetish/fantasy elements end and the actual cuckold/hotwife phenomenon and its fantasy elements begin.
I'm not sure if your theory about a "primitive drive" in men is correct, but its novel, I'll say that for it!
After all, if this were true don't you think there would be a lot more men interested in it that there apparently are??
Also, I am still inclined to think that this phenomenon is the result of some men just being bored and wanting something different, new, and unusual for stimulation sexually. And of course, there are others who either find themselves cuckolded in secret by cheating wives....in which case they are sucked into the phenomenon without any desire to be personally. Or still others who were propelled toward it because of some sort of sexual trauma or other at a young age which knocked them off a standard sexual focus.
Your views are quite interesting, I think. It seems that there are a lot of different fetish and fantasy elements connected to what most people consider to be the cuckold/hotwife phenomenon. And in my view, its very difficult to sort out where the add-on or alien fetish/fantasy elements end and the actual cuckold/hotwife phenomenon and its fantasy elements begin.
I'm not sure if your theory about a "primitive drive" in men is correct, but its novel, I'll say that for it!
After all, if this were true don't you think there would be a lot more men interested in it that there apparently are?? Also, I am still inclined to think that this phenomenon is the result of some men just being bored and wanting something different, new, and unusual for stimulation sexually. And of course, there are others who either find themselves cuckolded in secret by cheating wives....in which case they are sucked into the phenomenon without any desire to be personally. Or still others who were propelled toward it because of some sort of sexual trauma or other at a young age which knocked them off a standard sexual focus.
Hi again switshared!
So do you think ( or have you ever asked ) your wife if she might just be "enjoying" this lifestyle because she knows you are enjoying her doing it? Not that I am saying I doubt you or your statement that she is enjoying it, you know.
Anyway, so far as I've been able to understand things surrounding this phenomenon, there are a few categories that participants can be placed in.
The first category fits couples who are bored and just want some unusual, naughty, and "out there" sexual play in their marriages....similar to "Swinging". They may be more or less serious about the cuckold/hotwife lifestyle and they are usually just passing through and sampling the goods so to speak.
The second category involves couples with troubled marriages where the wife is cheating and the husband has no knowledge about it for some time or even for the duration of the marriage. This, it seems, is the classic "cuckold/hotwife" scenario and it isn't healthy.
The third category would contain people ( mostly men, but a few women too ) who were propelled into the phenomenon/lifestyle because of experiences they had at the very impressionable time of childhood or puberty. It is almost as if they are knocked off the standard sexual focus of their society and sent reeling down a path that eventually leads them to this phenomenon. This third category would contain the fantasy buffs - those who would love to be in such a relationship, but who only live it in their mind's eye. You personally may not be a fantasy buff, but when you mention your mother's behavior while you were a child, it would seem that you fit into this third category with people who were somehow propelled toward this phenomenon due to some trauma or shame experienced as a child...and the focus and arrousal would just grow from there - sort of like a weed grows from a seed in a flower bed.
But of course these categories aren't set in stone. They would be open-ended and very flexible.
So do you think ( or have you ever asked ) your wife if she might just be "enjoying" this lifestyle because she knows you are enjoying her doing it? Not that I am saying I doubt you or your statement that she is enjoying it, you know.
Anyway, so far as I've been able to understand things surrounding this phenomenon, there are a few categories that participants can be placed in.
The first category fits couples who are bored and just want some unusual, naughty, and "out there" sexual play in their marriages....similar to "Swinging". They may be more or less serious about the cuckold/hotwife lifestyle and they are usually just passing through and sampling the goods so to speak.
The second category involves couples with troubled marriages where the wife is cheating and the husband has no knowledge about it for some time or even for the duration of the marriage. This, it seems, is the classic "cuckold/hotwife" scenario and it isn't healthy.
The third category would contain people ( mostly men, but a few women too ) who were propelled into the phenomenon/lifestyle because of experiences they had at the very impressionable time of childhood or puberty. It is almost as if they are knocked off the standard sexual focus of their society and sent reeling down a path that eventually leads them to this phenomenon. This third category would contain the fantasy buffs - those who would love to be in such a relationship, but who only live it in their mind's eye. You personally may not be a fantasy buff, but when you mention your mother's behavior while you were a child, it would seem that you fit into this third category with people who were somehow propelled toward this phenomenon due to some trauma or shame experienced as a child...and the focus and arrousal would just grow from there - sort of like a weed grows from a seed in a flower bed.
But of course these categories aren't set in stone. They would be open-ended and very flexible.
Julie:
As far as I can remember I had a great childhood. I never had any trauma and I idolized my parents.
I also had a darn good marriage when my wife decided to have an affair. My wife will be the 1st one to admit the affair was clearly related to her childhood, which was very dysfunctional. I am sure I could have been a better husband, but she would have cuckolded any man in the planet---------that was her destiny.
I view the issue of cuckolding as a fetish-----------I must say that this is my personal opinion. To me cuckolding is similar to the foot fetish and the fascination with giant women.
The fetish creates arousal.
I cannot tell you why I like women with pretty feet. However, this type of fetish is very common. It is common and the fantasies among men with foot fetish are VERY SIMILAR IF NOT NEAR-IDENTICAL.
Men that like pretty feet often like tall women---------why? I have no clue.
I suspect it has to do with childhood imprints. There is a time when we have a blank mind and what we see creates a lasting impression. Music is very much like that-------we tend to love whatever was popular when we were young teens. Maybe as a baby I was on the floor around barefoot women and they looked like giants from the floor.
As for cuckolding:
To me it is a form of female domination and something that awakens sexual arousal. The sexual arousal is a primitive mechanism. Your grandma was correct when she told you that the best way to get a boy interested in you was to make him a little jealous.
You imply that cuckolding would not turn-on the majority of men. I used to say the same thing until I got cuckolded. I was mad and nauseated by the image of my wife fucking her lover however, the event gave me a tremendous desire to fuck my wife. This desire to fuck my wife overpowered my anger. This sperm competition syndrome is not uncommon-----just visit an infidelity forum and you will see several men with it. These are men that have no desire whatsoever to be cuckolded.
I don't know what is like to be unable to physically please a woman, but I do know that small cocks can pleasure women if the man is nice to the female. And lets not forget that most women don't reach orgasm by standard penetration. In fact, I sometimes wish I had a smaller cock because it would go in without causing any pain to my wife. It also gets rid of the "Oh my God, you've got to be kidding me,” some women may say when discovering the large penis.
Sorry for my rambling.
As far as I can remember I had a great childhood. I never had any trauma and I idolized my parents.
I also had a darn good marriage when my wife decided to have an affair. My wife will be the 1st one to admit the affair was clearly related to her childhood, which was very dysfunctional. I am sure I could have been a better husband, but she would have cuckolded any man in the planet---------that was her destiny.
I view the issue of cuckolding as a fetish-----------I must say that this is my personal opinion. To me cuckolding is similar to the foot fetish and the fascination with giant women.
The fetish creates arousal.
I cannot tell you why I like women with pretty feet. However, this type of fetish is very common. It is common and the fantasies among men with foot fetish are VERY SIMILAR IF NOT NEAR-IDENTICAL.
Men that like pretty feet often like tall women---------why? I have no clue.
I suspect it has to do with childhood imprints. There is a time when we have a blank mind and what we see creates a lasting impression. Music is very much like that-------we tend to love whatever was popular when we were young teens. Maybe as a baby I was on the floor around barefoot women and they looked like giants from the floor.
As for cuckolding:
To me it is a form of female domination and something that awakens sexual arousal. The sexual arousal is a primitive mechanism. Your grandma was correct when she told you that the best way to get a boy interested in you was to make him a little jealous.
You imply that cuckolding would not turn-on the majority of men. I used to say the same thing until I got cuckolded. I was mad and nauseated by the image of my wife fucking her lover however, the event gave me a tremendous desire to fuck my wife. This desire to fuck my wife overpowered my anger. This sperm competition syndrome is not uncommon-----just visit an infidelity forum and you will see several men with it. These are men that have no desire whatsoever to be cuckolded.
I don't know what is like to be unable to physically please a woman, but I do know that small cocks can pleasure women if the man is nice to the female. And lets not forget that most women don't reach orgasm by standard penetration. In fact, I sometimes wish I had a smaller cock because it would go in without causing any pain to my wife. It also gets rid of the "Oh my God, you've got to be kidding me,” some women may say when discovering the large penis.
Sorry for my rambling.
sorry for my rambling.[/QUOTE]
Hi again, fantasycuck! Oh don't worry about any rambling replies. I appreciate the detail and the time you've taken with your information. Well, you may very well be correct. This could really be a fetish for almost all participants who are male. Who am I to say otherwise, right? And perhaps I'm over doing it in terms of looking for all sorts of reasons and factors behind or under the obvious elements comprising the phenomenon. Actually, that's why I'm on this forum! I'm trying to get a much clearer picture of just what this is all about......even if it means that my pet theories are completely inaccurate.
You may or may not know it, but my parents were involved in this when I was in my teens, so I've been curious about all its aspects for some time now. Eventually I thought that the only real way to find out about all the nuts and bolts of it was to communicate directly with participants and enthusiasts. So here I am.
About most men and their feelings about cuckolding: I'm not trying to say too much about the majority of males in relation to this because I think that once culture/society, ethnicity, and age are taken into account, it may very well be impossible to guess with any precision about how "most men" might feel about it. I CAN see how it might be a turn-on for most men to see their wives sexually overwhelmed by a larger, stronger, more viril "bull", and I often wonder if it could be due to a combination of homosexual drives and drives to see their wives "taken and made to like it"? Perhaps it is in some cases, and not in others - its all so nebulous!
Also, I can identify with your personal fantasies about size/height/strength differences in dominating sexual play. I've entertained these myself in a number of ways, so when you say you fantasize about a taller, stronger woman dominating you, I can really relate. In fact, I've experienced playful, non-harmful domination at the hands of someone who was a lot taller and stronger than I was, and it was really planet-twirling to say the least.
Anyway, please do keep on adding anything and everything you'd like to this thread. I enjoy hearing from you and look forward to more of your input!!!
Hi again, fantasycuck! Oh don't worry about any rambling replies. I appreciate the detail and the time you've taken with your information. Well, you may very well be correct. This could really be a fetish for almost all participants who are male. Who am I to say otherwise, right? And perhaps I'm over doing it in terms of looking for all sorts of reasons and factors behind or under the obvious elements comprising the phenomenon. Actually, that's why I'm on this forum! I'm trying to get a much clearer picture of just what this is all about......even if it means that my pet theories are completely inaccurate.
You may or may not know it, but my parents were involved in this when I was in my teens, so I've been curious about all its aspects for some time now. Eventually I thought that the only real way to find out about all the nuts and bolts of it was to communicate directly with participants and enthusiasts. So here I am.
About most men and their feelings about cuckolding: I'm not trying to say too much about the majority of males in relation to this because I think that once culture/society, ethnicity, and age are taken into account, it may very well be impossible to guess with any precision about how "most men" might feel about it. I CAN see how it might be a turn-on for most men to see their wives sexually overwhelmed by a larger, stronger, more viril "bull", and I often wonder if it could be due to a combination of homosexual drives and drives to see their wives "taken and made to like it"? Perhaps it is in some cases, and not in others - its all so nebulous!
Also, I can identify with your personal fantasies about size/height/strength differences in dominating sexual play. I've entertained these myself in a number of ways, so when you say you fantasize about a taller, stronger woman dominating you, I can really relate. In fact, I've experienced playful, non-harmful domination at the hands of someone who was a lot taller and stronger than I was, and it was really planet-twirling to say the least.
Anyway, please do keep on adding anything and everything you'd like to this thread. I enjoy hearing from you and look forward to more of your input!!!
SoonToBe said:
Please stick to the topic this thread is dedicated to. I'm not interested in conflict with anyone on here - and I never was. My identity was slandered by a member whom I blocked from sending me personal messages. This hearsay slander was then taken up by another member who began a rentless trolling campaign against me - even to the point of destroying a thread I'd started. All "embers" as you call them, were ignited by others originally, not me. Can you blame me for being upset and responding after doing what I promised.....perhaps seeking a little recognition and satisfaction, you know?
Anyway, I am not here for any of this sort of back-and-forth activity at all. If people don't like the topics of my threads or what I'm posting, then they just shouldn't respond. I've never sabotaged anyone's thread, so no one needs to bother doing it to mine.
Thanks for your consideration.
MacNfries said:I've been silently following this thread because JulieIsMe seemed to be asking some questions in ernest. I'd like to toss my "2 cents" in on what's been said thus far.
Hello MacNFries, and thank you very much for your thoughtful comments! Yes, I can see where you're coming from and I can also agree with you that perhaps my wondering about the "Why" aspect could be due to my gender as related to the fact that my parents were involved in this lifestyle for a while during my teens.
I also completely agree with you about the definition of "cuckold" as being someone who does not prode and push his wife into sex with other men. To me, an authentic cuckold is someone who is in the dark about affairs of his cheating wife. This phenomenon however, seems more like some sort of sub-category of Swinging.
As for the "sperm wars" concept, it seems to me that if this sort of urge was behind this phenomenon, there would be more men involved in it with their wives. But it appears that it is a very marginal, fringe-like manifestation inside the sexual arena of today's world. If a so-called "cuckold" as popularly defined on this forum by most members really was only lazy and didn't want to ( or care to ) service his wife, then how does the sexual thrill and stimulation enter in? Such a man would be oblivious to his wife and any satisfaction she had gained, don't you think? I mean, he would be quite happy if she didn't bother him about it at all, right?
And of course, anything - any variation - of this phenomenon and its motivating elements is entirely possible. I'll be the first to admit that I'm completely unsure about how it works or if there's any sort of "standard" behavior/thought pattern connected to it at all.
It just seems to me that its some sort of playful experimentation on the part of the actual couples who get involved in it for however long they care to participate. They are bored and just want something different and new, so they pursue this type of activity.
For example; if your wife has sex with other men, do you have sex with other women too? Are you Swinging, that is? Or is it only her who goes outside your marriage for sex?
I was saying to another member who posted on this thread that I can easily see how this sort of scenario would be sexually exciting for a lot of men for a number of reasons - even admiration of other men and their prowess that is deeply buried and usually not given any sort of expression. It might skirt bi-sexuality or latent homosexuality, and at the same time offer a thrill over how the wife is sexually pleasured and even overwhelmed by her play partners.
I'm still scratching my head over it all ! But at any rate, please do keep posting and offering any comments and points of view you'd like. Its a pleasure reading posts from someone like you.
Hi Ms. Julie,
The question you raised at the beginning of this thread is somewhat analogous to a question posed by Son of John in one of his treads a while back. The subject line was, “Why do some women want to fuck men other than their husbands?” I proposed an answer to this question which has long since disappeared into the forum backlog, so I’ve reproduced it below in slightly shortened and edited form.
Female sexuality, like essentially all other human characteristics, varies widely among individuals — just as (for instance) athletic ability, musical talent, mathematical talent, "outgoing" vs. "shy" personality, and of course male sexuality, vary widely among individuals.
To see this in a simplified way, visualize female sexuality as distributed along a vertical line. At the lower end of the line are women who are asexual. They don't need it, they don't want it, and if they never have sex with another person their whole lives, that's fine with them. It's the way they want it. (Apparently there’s some evidence that roughly 1% of the population may be in this cohort, but that’s considered a weak statistic. See “asexual people” in Wikipedia.)
At the upper end of the line are women who are highly sexual. They need it, they want it, sex is always on (or never far from) their minds, they seek it constantly, and they find it successfully. Some prostitutes (not all) are in this catagory, as are (probably) the most sexually-active married cuckoldresses described — some by their cuckolds, others by themselves — in this forum. These women can be viewed as the sexual equivalent of talented athletes.
Between these extremes, women can be viewed as distributed along this vertical line. At the mid-point are women with "average sexuality." Over a broad central segment are women with sexuality falling within the range "average plus or minus 1 standard deviation." If the "sexuality line" is in the form of a bell-shaped curve — which may or may not be the case — "average +/- 1 st'd dev." would constitute about 68% of the female population. These are the women having “more-or-less average” sexuality. Above them are women with sexuality ranging from “high” to “extremely high.” Below them are women with sexuality ranging from "low” to “extremely low."
Now, suppose a woman with high sexuality accepts a marriage proposal from a man with low sexuality. There are, of course, large numbers of such marriages. They might be called "marriages with female-positive sexual offset." The woman may suspect or know this will be the case prior to marriage, from her pre-marital sexual experiences with her fiance.... but she accepts his proposal anyway, for any of the reasons other than sexual compatibility that form the bases of marriages.
At some point after marriage, the woman realizes she does not find her husband sexually satisfying for reasons that amount to her being a "relatively more sexual" women and her husband being a "relatively less sexual" man. Her situation can be considered roughly analogous to a talented college varsity basketball player (a woman) playing one-on-one basketball with a man having average or below-average ability. For the more talented player (the woman, in this example), it simply isn't very satisfying. In fact, it's probably quite boring — even though, off the court, they may be good friends who are compatible in other ways.
Returning from basketball to sex and viewing it in terms of probability, such a woman would be more likely to take a lover — and perhaps, over time, many lovers — thus making her husband her cuckold, than a woman married to a man whose position on the "male sexuality" scale is similar to her position on the "female sexuality" scale. The woman of the latter couple would, by hypothesis, be more likely to find her husband sexually satisfying over the long term; hence she would be less likely to take lovers.
There are, of course, also many marriages in which the man is more sexual than the woman. The man's situation in this case is essentially a mirror image of the above. Thinking again in terms of probability, such a man would be more likely to take a lover, and perhaps many lovers over time, than would be the case if his position on the "male sexuality scale" were similar to his wife's position on the "female sexuality scale."
This is my proposed explanation for why some women want to, and do, fuck men — in some cases many men — other than their husbands. The concept is simple and has the advantage of being symmetrical. That is, if “man” is substituted for “woman” and “husband” for “wife” (or vice-versa), above, the argument remains the same. Women are not treated as “special cases.” Also, it can be compared to the principle of Occam's razor, which is most commonly understood as: “Of several seemingly-acceptable explanations for a phenomenon, the simplest is preferable.” (From Wikipedia.)
For a deeper and much more fascinating answer to the question that is of interest to you, see:
Baker, Robin, Ph.D. 1996. Sperm Wars: The Science of Sex. BasicBooks, 319 pp. (hardcover).
—Custer
The question you raised at the beginning of this thread is somewhat analogous to a question posed by Son of John in one of his treads a while back. The subject line was, “Why do some women want to fuck men other than their husbands?” I proposed an answer to this question which has long since disappeared into the forum backlog, so I’ve reproduced it below in slightly shortened and edited form.
Female sexuality, like essentially all other human characteristics, varies widely among individuals — just as (for instance) athletic ability, musical talent, mathematical talent, "outgoing" vs. "shy" personality, and of course male sexuality, vary widely among individuals.
To see this in a simplified way, visualize female sexuality as distributed along a vertical line. At the lower end of the line are women who are asexual. They don't need it, they don't want it, and if they never have sex with another person their whole lives, that's fine with them. It's the way they want it. (Apparently there’s some evidence that roughly 1% of the population may be in this cohort, but that’s considered a weak statistic. See “asexual people” in Wikipedia.)
At the upper end of the line are women who are highly sexual. They need it, they want it, sex is always on (or never far from) their minds, they seek it constantly, and they find it successfully. Some prostitutes (not all) are in this catagory, as are (probably) the most sexually-active married cuckoldresses described — some by their cuckolds, others by themselves — in this forum. These women can be viewed as the sexual equivalent of talented athletes.
Between these extremes, women can be viewed as distributed along this vertical line. At the mid-point are women with "average sexuality." Over a broad central segment are women with sexuality falling within the range "average plus or minus 1 standard deviation." If the "sexuality line" is in the form of a bell-shaped curve — which may or may not be the case — "average +/- 1 st'd dev." would constitute about 68% of the female population. These are the women having “more-or-less average” sexuality. Above them are women with sexuality ranging from “high” to “extremely high.” Below them are women with sexuality ranging from "low” to “extremely low."
Now, suppose a woman with high sexuality accepts a marriage proposal from a man with low sexuality. There are, of course, large numbers of such marriages. They might be called "marriages with female-positive sexual offset." The woman may suspect or know this will be the case prior to marriage, from her pre-marital sexual experiences with her fiance.... but she accepts his proposal anyway, for any of the reasons other than sexual compatibility that form the bases of marriages.
At some point after marriage, the woman realizes she does not find her husband sexually satisfying for reasons that amount to her being a "relatively more sexual" women and her husband being a "relatively less sexual" man. Her situation can be considered roughly analogous to a talented college varsity basketball player (a woman) playing one-on-one basketball with a man having average or below-average ability. For the more talented player (the woman, in this example), it simply isn't very satisfying. In fact, it's probably quite boring — even though, off the court, they may be good friends who are compatible in other ways.
Returning from basketball to sex and viewing it in terms of probability, such a woman would be more likely to take a lover — and perhaps, over time, many lovers — thus making her husband her cuckold, than a woman married to a man whose position on the "male sexuality" scale is similar to her position on the "female sexuality" scale. The woman of the latter couple would, by hypothesis, be more likely to find her husband sexually satisfying over the long term; hence she would be less likely to take lovers.
There are, of course, also many marriages in which the man is more sexual than the woman. The man's situation in this case is essentially a mirror image of the above. Thinking again in terms of probability, such a man would be more likely to take a lover, and perhaps many lovers over time, than would be the case if his position on the "male sexuality scale" were similar to his wife's position on the "female sexuality scale."
This is my proposed explanation for why some women want to, and do, fuck men — in some cases many men — other than their husbands. The concept is simple and has the advantage of being symmetrical. That is, if “man” is substituted for “woman” and “husband” for “wife” (or vice-versa), above, the argument remains the same. Women are not treated as “special cases.” Also, it can be compared to the principle of Occam's razor, which is most commonly understood as: “Of several seemingly-acceptable explanations for a phenomenon, the simplest is preferable.” (From Wikipedia.)
For a deeper and much more fascinating answer to the question that is of interest to you, see:
Baker, Robin, Ph.D. 1996. Sperm Wars: The Science of Sex. BasicBooks, 319 pp. (hardcover).
—Custer
My wife and I started cuckolding approx 8 years ago.
For me it is the incredibly strong desire to be humiliated hurt and degraded by the woman of my dreams.
My wife is not only beautiful, but VERY sexy and desirable in an elegant sensual way ( not slutty ).
We love each other beyond words and spend as much time together as we can.
My wife has always been dominant over me and cuckolding has simply become the ultimate and perfect way to prove her control and power over me and my emotions etc.
It was my suggestion that we try this lifestyle and it took a bit of convincing for her to try it as she didnt want to hurt me "for real".
Since then we have both got really into it and is a permanent part of our life together. My wife has a steady boyfriend who she sees approx 2-4 times a month, he is rich and is very well "built" in the "wedding tackle" department!
This makes me feel degraded in many ways, one because of my average financial situation to look after her, and two because of his "size".
To make me feel even more degraded and humiliated my wife feminizes me on almost a regular daily basis to some extent, and of course ridicules and teases me about it...telling me how much "more of a man" her lover is.
I am often denied entrance to her gorgeous body for long periods ( last time was over half a year ) and must relieve myself ( or she does it for me ) over her feet or dirty socks, telling me that all the beautiful sexy lingerie she has is soley for him.
I LOVE this kind of treatment from the woman that I desire, adore and want so badly..I LOVE the fact that I "cant have it" even though she is right infront of me.
It kind of like the "nerd" at school that is infatuated by the school beauty queen, he buys her flowers and cards..yet she walks all over him, uses him, takes advantage of him and laughs at him infront of her friends.........for some weird reason I need and Love that from the woman of my dreams....my wife.
She in return gets a "kick" from the whole "wrongness" of what she is doing to me, and enjoys of course the excitement of being pampered and well looked after by her lover, and she sees the reaction from me when she returns from her dates and loves to see me so excited.
It has got to the stage where i have now asked her to be "unfaithful" to me behind my back with other guys and not tell me about it until a few weeks afterwards, I want to feel hurt and betrayed by her......and have to accept her "unfair behaviour".
For me it is the incredibly strong desire to be humiliated hurt and degraded by the woman of my dreams.
My wife is not only beautiful, but VERY sexy and desirable in an elegant sensual way ( not slutty ).
We love each other beyond words and spend as much time together as we can.
My wife has always been dominant over me and cuckolding has simply become the ultimate and perfect way to prove her control and power over me and my emotions etc.
It was my suggestion that we try this lifestyle and it took a bit of convincing for her to try it as she didnt want to hurt me "for real".
Since then we have both got really into it and is a permanent part of our life together. My wife has a steady boyfriend who she sees approx 2-4 times a month, he is rich and is very well "built" in the "wedding tackle" department!
This makes me feel degraded in many ways, one because of my average financial situation to look after her, and two because of his "size".
To make me feel even more degraded and humiliated my wife feminizes me on almost a regular daily basis to some extent, and of course ridicules and teases me about it...telling me how much "more of a man" her lover is.
I am often denied entrance to her gorgeous body for long periods ( last time was over half a year ) and must relieve myself ( or she does it for me ) over her feet or dirty socks, telling me that all the beautiful sexy lingerie she has is soley for him.
I LOVE this kind of treatment from the woman that I desire, adore and want so badly..I LOVE the fact that I "cant have it" even though she is right infront of me.
It kind of like the "nerd" at school that is infatuated by the school beauty queen, he buys her flowers and cards..yet she walks all over him, uses him, takes advantage of him and laughs at him infront of her friends.........for some weird reason I need and Love that from the woman of my dreams....my wife.
She in return gets a "kick" from the whole "wrongness" of what she is doing to me, and enjoys of course the excitement of being pampered and well looked after by her lover, and she sees the reaction from me when she returns from her dates and loves to see me so excited.
It has got to the stage where i have now asked her to be "unfaithful" to me behind my back with other guys and not tell me about it until a few weeks afterwards, I want to feel hurt and betrayed by her......and have to accept her "unfair behaviour".
I've often pondered the question of why I'm so into the idea. I have to say that my conclusions sometimes make me wonder some ugly things about myself.
Before I start I should say that my wife and I have never actually engaged in cuckolding...s&m yes. Cucking no. She's plays into it for me. If I'm having a hard time coming she'll start whispering to me about fucking big black cocks and making me be their clean up boy. The idea of getting fucked into submission by a large masterful black man does turn her on but we haven't done anything about it...probably won't. I know you're not wanting hear about our fantasies and I don't really want to go into too much detail about them but I do feel the need to give a very general description of my sexual fantasies from when I was very young to the present as a means of describing my psychology to you. Hopefully, by doing so, it might help you to understand the mental workings a bit better.
I like being dominated and degraded. I used to be solely into S&M...being dominated and humiliated by women. This had been the theme of all of my sexual fantasies since before I knew what sex was. I'm a born submissive. The earliest sexual fantasies I can remember are about being dominated by Natasha Fatale (yes...the cartoon character) when I was 5 years old (and, incidentally, I'm erotically imprinted on pale brunettes because of her) In my fantasies I would always serve my mistress however she demanded...not always sexually, although it always came to that. It did involve the typical imagery that you might think of...ritualized body worship, obedience, etc.
When I got into my teens I started having cuck fantasies after reading a Penthouse forum story about a married couple that became involved with a black guy with a huge dick. Since then I was hooked on the cuckolding fantasy and the bull has almost always been black with a larger penis than me and is of larger stature physically...someone that could actually force me to be submissive should I resist. These fantasies always involved not only being made to watch but also my servicing the woman's lovers sexually as well as her (but not with my penis...I was only to serve orally or maybe use my hands or stimulate or finish off a bull). I am first, completely subjugated by my woman who is then, completely subjugated by another man. She owns me, he owns her, therefore, he owns me as well. I am always subservient to the woman first. Only a "real" man can dominate the queen of my world, the object of my total worshipful love and obedience. And she requires that I serve her master with the same devotion.
In my late teens I discovered feminization and male chastity (cock cages). Ever since, thats played an integral role in it, being made to serve my mistress and master as a maid, cook, masseuse, etc; and being teased and denied sex while being made to serve my mistress and her lovers as something of a sex toy during the act.
So here is where the intropsection comes in and I have four questions about myself that I really do struggle with.
Since being dominated and degraded by women turns me on does this mean that I actually view women as inferior to men? Is it being dominated by a being that is supposed to be inferior to me that which turns me on? Add to that the idea that she is being made subservient by another man...this kinda reinforces that theory doesn't it? I like to think I'm not a sexist. I don't practice sexism in other parts of my life. But I still wonder.
By that same rationale, am I a racist? I'm into being dominated and degraded and a white guy doing it just doesn't do it for me. Blacks are the only ethnicity I fantasize about. So is it the fact that I'm being subjugated by a man (or men) that are supposed to be inferior to me that does it for me? Or is it just an erotic xenophobia...a "barbarian at the gates" thing? After all, I sometimes have similar fantasies about being cucked by aliens. Do I fixate on black men because they're as different from me as I can get without looking to the Klingons for cucking? Or is this all a guilt complex manifesting itself sexually? I was born in the south. My ancestors owned slaves. Is this my subconscious' way of making up for it?
Am I gay/bi? This one is particularly interesting. When I'm out and about women catch my eye...not men. If a man does catch my eye its going to be a particularly well built black man and I will feel arousal but my eyes are easily snatched away from him by a chick with a nice ass. Is it the actually sex with a black man that turns me on or just what performing those submissive acts represent in my head? For my part, I think I am bi but only black guys turn me on. I have, before I got married, experimented with sex with black guys. I love being sexually submissive to them whether it involves a woman or not. But could I actually fall in love with a guy? That, to me, is the true test of sexual persuasion and I, quite frankly, do not know the answer to that question although I do doubt that I could. And, as an extension of this question, am I a shemale waiting to happen? My fantasies now always include being made into a pretty fucktoy for my mistress and master...sometimes only for a black master. I fantasize about being magically or medically transformed into a beautiful shemale slave for my master and mistress. What does this mean? I don't think I really want to live that life but its always in my head.
Do I really love my wife? I fantasize about big black men using her anyway they want, degrading her, pimping her. If I really loved her would I have thoughts like this? I have a lot of porn with nude women but its always the thought of her that makes me come when I'm jacking off...the thought of being her slave, her cucking me. I rarely come thinking about other women even if I do use their images to get the pot boiling. But its always been that way with anyone I've dated as well. It was my girlfriend's image (usually cucking me with a black man and/or being her slave) that got me off. I think I do love her but I think, also, that there are a lot of people that would disagree...that wanting to see your wife subjugated by another man is incompatible with loving her.
Whew. I think thats enough to chew on for now.
Before I start I should say that my wife and I have never actually engaged in cuckolding...s&m yes. Cucking no. She's plays into it for me. If I'm having a hard time coming she'll start whispering to me about fucking big black cocks and making me be their clean up boy. The idea of getting fucked into submission by a large masterful black man does turn her on but we haven't done anything about it...probably won't. I know you're not wanting hear about our fantasies and I don't really want to go into too much detail about them but I do feel the need to give a very general description of my sexual fantasies from when I was very young to the present as a means of describing my psychology to you. Hopefully, by doing so, it might help you to understand the mental workings a bit better.
I like being dominated and degraded. I used to be solely into S&M...being dominated and humiliated by women. This had been the theme of all of my sexual fantasies since before I knew what sex was. I'm a born submissive. The earliest sexual fantasies I can remember are about being dominated by Natasha Fatale (yes...the cartoon character) when I was 5 years old (and, incidentally, I'm erotically imprinted on pale brunettes because of her) In my fantasies I would always serve my mistress however she demanded...not always sexually, although it always came to that. It did involve the typical imagery that you might think of...ritualized body worship, obedience, etc.
When I got into my teens I started having cuck fantasies after reading a Penthouse forum story about a married couple that became involved with a black guy with a huge dick. Since then I was hooked on the cuckolding fantasy and the bull has almost always been black with a larger penis than me and is of larger stature physically...someone that could actually force me to be submissive should I resist. These fantasies always involved not only being made to watch but also my servicing the woman's lovers sexually as well as her (but not with my penis...I was only to serve orally or maybe use my hands or stimulate or finish off a bull). I am first, completely subjugated by my woman who is then, completely subjugated by another man. She owns me, he owns her, therefore, he owns me as well. I am always subservient to the woman first. Only a "real" man can dominate the queen of my world, the object of my total worshipful love and obedience. And she requires that I serve her master with the same devotion.
In my late teens I discovered feminization and male chastity (cock cages). Ever since, thats played an integral role in it, being made to serve my mistress and master as a maid, cook, masseuse, etc; and being teased and denied sex while being made to serve my mistress and her lovers as something of a sex toy during the act.
So here is where the intropsection comes in and I have four questions about myself that I really do struggle with.
Since being dominated and degraded by women turns me on does this mean that I actually view women as inferior to men? Is it being dominated by a being that is supposed to be inferior to me that which turns me on? Add to that the idea that she is being made subservient by another man...this kinda reinforces that theory doesn't it? I like to think I'm not a sexist. I don't practice sexism in other parts of my life. But I still wonder.
By that same rationale, am I a racist? I'm into being dominated and degraded and a white guy doing it just doesn't do it for me. Blacks are the only ethnicity I fantasize about. So is it the fact that I'm being subjugated by a man (or men) that are supposed to be inferior to me that does it for me? Or is it just an erotic xenophobia...a "barbarian at the gates" thing? After all, I sometimes have similar fantasies about being cucked by aliens. Do I fixate on black men because they're as different from me as I can get without looking to the Klingons for cucking? Or is this all a guilt complex manifesting itself sexually? I was born in the south. My ancestors owned slaves. Is this my subconscious' way of making up for it?
Am I gay/bi? This one is particularly interesting. When I'm out and about women catch my eye...not men. If a man does catch my eye its going to be a particularly well built black man and I will feel arousal but my eyes are easily snatched away from him by a chick with a nice ass. Is it the actually sex with a black man that turns me on or just what performing those submissive acts represent in my head? For my part, I think I am bi but only black guys turn me on. I have, before I got married, experimented with sex with black guys. I love being sexually submissive to them whether it involves a woman or not. But could I actually fall in love with a guy? That, to me, is the true test of sexual persuasion and I, quite frankly, do not know the answer to that question although I do doubt that I could. And, as an extension of this question, am I a shemale waiting to happen? My fantasies now always include being made into a pretty fucktoy for my mistress and master...sometimes only for a black master. I fantasize about being magically or medically transformed into a beautiful shemale slave for my master and mistress. What does this mean? I don't think I really want to live that life but its always in my head.
Do I really love my wife? I fantasize about big black men using her anyway they want, degrading her, pimping her. If I really loved her would I have thoughts like this? I have a lot of porn with nude women but its always the thought of her that makes me come when I'm jacking off...the thought of being her slave, her cucking me. I rarely come thinking about other women even if I do use their images to get the pot boiling. But its always been that way with anyone I've dated as well. It was my girlfriend's image (usually cucking me with a black man and/or being her slave) that got me off. I think I do love her but I think, also, that there are a lot of people that would disagree...that wanting to see your wife subjugated by another man is incompatible with loving her.
Whew. I think thats enough to chew on for now.
slaved said:Do I really love my wife? I fantasize about big black men using her anyway they want, degrading her, pimping her. If I really loved her would I have thoughts like this? I have a lot of porn with nude women but its always the thought of her that makes me come when I'm jacking off...the thought of being her slave, her cucking me. I rarely come thinking about other women even if I do use their images to get the pot boiling. But its always been that way with anyone I've dated as well. It was my girlfriend's image (usually cucking me with a black man and/or being her slave) that got me off. I think I do love her but I think, also, that there are a lot of people that would disagree...that wanting to see your wife subjugated by another man is incompatible with loving her.
Whew. I think thats enough to chew on for now.
I don't have the slave component and I don't particularly care about black men fucking my wife. So there is a lot of variation in this issue of cucukolding.
Furthermore, I don't mind being cuckolded as a fantasy. I Suspect that if I get cuckolded again in the traditional manner (in secrecy) I will be very angry. In fact I was very angry when I discovered my wife, but also got horny.
I don't enjoy the issue of being a slave, however, I have the fantasy of being overpowered by a larger taller stronger woman. I also have the fantasy that the woman rapes me. It is not submissive behavior------it is simple complete domination by a much powerful taller female.
I don't think I could watch my wife fuck someone else. I could do it in fantasy, b ut I don't have the balls to do IRL.
I have to assume that some cuckolds are bisexual and hence enjoy giving felatio to large black men. I don't discount that some may not be bisexual and perhaps do it to be completely humiliated.
Custer Laststand said:
Yes, I do suppose there are some women who are so hyper-sexual that they need multiple play partners just to keep satisfied, but in a world full of electronic gadgets and toys, multiple partners are sort of taking the long way around toward fulfillment......and even then the partners can't ever manage to produce the stimulation that the toys of today can. So in today's world this lifestyle being employed just for a hyper-sexual wife's satisfaction doesn't appear to be practical.
Then there are women like my mother, who really did participate in this lifestyle, but who were cajoled and prodded into it. It wasn't there idea, but they eventually bowed to the relentless pressure being applied by their husbands. And so off they went to play with different partners.
The strangest part of this phenomenon to me is how men seem to find it so attractive and stimulating and arrousing. That's the part I'm trying to figure out.
And thank you very much for your post. I really appreciate your input! Please do continue to offer any other perspectives or replies you may have!
mikewimp said:My wife and I started cuckolding approx 8 years ago.
For me it is the incredibly strong desire to be humiliated hurt and degraded by the woman of my dreams.
Hi mikewimp! Thanks for your response!!
My wife is not only beautiful, but VERY sexy and desirable in an elegant sensual way ( not slutty ).
We love each other beyond words and spend as much time together as we can.
My wife has always been dominant over me and cuckolding has simply become the ultimate and perfect way to prove her control and power over me and my emotions etc.
It was my suggestion that we try this lifestyle and it took a bit of convincing for her to try it as she didnt want to hurt me "for real".
Would you two consider this activity to be a variation on "Swinging"?
Since then we have both got really into it and is a permanent part of our life together. My wife has a steady boyfriend who she sees approx 2-4 times a month, he is rich and is very well "built" in the "wedding tackle" department!
This makes me feel degraded in many ways, one because of my average financial situation to look after her, and two because of his "size".
In the case of your wife's activity; does she ever relay her exploits to you, or does she leave her antics with her boy friend up to your imagination?
To make me feel even more degraded and humiliated my wife feminizes me on almost a regular daily basis to some extent, and of course ridicules and teases me about it...telling me how much "more of a man" her lover is.
I am often denied entrance to her gorgeous body for long periods ( last time was over half a year ) and must relieve myself ( or she does it for me ) over her feet or dirty socks, telling me that all the beautiful sexy lingerie she has is soley for him.
I LOVE this kind of treatment from the woman that I desire, adore and want so badly..I LOVE the fact that I "cant have it" even though she is right infront of me.
It kind of like the "nerd" at school that is infatuated by the school beauty queen, he buys her flowers and cards..yet she walks all over him, uses him, takes advantage of him and laughs at him infront of her friends.........for some weird reason I need and Love that from the woman of my dreams....my wife.
She in return gets a "kick" from the whole "wrongness" of what she is doing to me, and enjoys of course the excitement of being pampered and well looked after by her lover, and she sees the reaction from me when she returns from her dates and loves to see me so excited.
It has got to the stage where i have now asked her to be "unfaithful" to me behind my back with other guys and not tell me about it until a few weeks afterwards, I want to feel hurt and betrayed by her......and have to accept her "unfair behaviour".
Realistically, what do you suppose the chances are that she may eventually choose to leave your marriage and be with her boy friend? Also; do you think that this sort of exchange between you and her will continue indefinitey? Or could it be something like craving ice cream sundaes and eating so many of them so often that you reach the point of not being able to stand the sight or taste of them anymore?.....meaning, your desire and pleasure related to domination and feminization from her would equal the ice cream sundaes...and her kicks from doing the dominace and feminzing would equal the sundaes for her. How long do you think both or either of you might continue living like this day-to-day.
You know, there is one constant in life - CHANGE, so I'm just wondering how long your scenario may continue as it now is.
Thanks again for the thoughtful reply!
My goodness! Another fantastic response!! Thanks, slaved!!
slaved said:I've often pondered the question of why I'm so into the idea. I have to say that my conclusions sometimes make me wonder some ugly things about myself.
Do you really think its fair to consider the motivating elements behind your interest in this as "ugly"? After all, its just a focus. Its not like you get off by torturing animals or by wanting to watch snuff films or by secretly dreaming about committing mass murder. Please be kind to yourself! This is only a perspective - a sexual focus, and if you are willingly involved in it, it hurts no one.
Before I start I should say that my wife and I have never actually engaged in cuckolding...s&m yes.
So, why do you think that you two probably won't do anything about this - especially if its a turn-on for her and for you? And what you've told me here reminds me so much about what my mother told me about my dad's initial desire to see her involved in this lifestyle. Its started with this fantasy sort of thing between them too, but my dad carried it on further and eventually prodded and pushed my mom until she gave in. Then it all became very real.
I know you're not wanting hear about our fantasies and I don't really want to go into too much detail about them
Yes, don't worry about relaying your fantasies to me. I understand that it may be easier for you to explain yourself by useing them as a framework. What I was trying to tell people at the beginning of this thread was that they didn't need to post those long fantasy scenarios without any indepth explanations attached to them - because I'm aware of probably most of the fantasies already.
I like being dominated and degraded. I used to be solely into S&M...being dominated and humiliated by women.
I understand. I've been dominated by someone at a certain point in my life and I can relate to how it can really get a grip on you emotionally and sexually. I think that there are probably a lot of men out there who would love for a woman to dominate them, but our society is so utterly one-dimensional in so many respects that men and women get into these pidgeon holes as far as behavior/interaction goes and end up actually rather stunted.
When I got into my teens I started having cuck fantasies after reading a Penthouse forum story about a married couple that became involved with a black guy with a huge dick.
Perhaps you've answered this question further down in your post, but have you ever had a desire to have sex with another male? Especially a much stronger, more virile, more endowed Black male?
So here is where the intropsection comes in and I have four questions about myself that I really do struggle with.
Since being dominated and degraded by women turns me on does this mean that I actually view women as inferior to men?
Well, while you're wondering, what do you think the answer might be? Or would you take a guess even if your conclusion may be revised at a later date?
By that same rationale, am I a racist? I'm into being dominated and degraded and a white guy doing it just doesn't do it for me.
Have you ever considered the possibility that the attraction to Black men being involved in this scenario of your's just may be due to the fact that they offer the most contrast to your own physical appearance? That is, of all humans available on the planet, the most extreme contrast to White is of course, Black. So, if you like the idea of your wife being sexually overwhelmed and you being humiliated and dominated in the process, what better "image" to inject than a Black man, right? That is, rather than it being connected to you being a closet racist or some other more esoteric reason or reasons.
Am I gay/bi? This one is particularly interesting.
I would theorize that bi-sexuality comes in many, many degrees and can also vary in intensity in the same person at different times of life for different reasons. You may have a bi-sexual focus that is rather more specialized than what most people consider bi-sexuality to be. And it may revolve around very specific stimuli that must be presented in very specific ways in order to be set off "just right" for you to feel responsive. Nothing at all wrong with that, I'd personally say.
But could I actually fall in love with a guy?
Somehow I personally really doubt that heart-felt "love" has very much at all to do with the men involved in this phenomenon being focused on Black men. I think its more visual and a matter of raw sexuality, and wanting to see a certain expression of raw sexuality between the wife and the Black man, and also to willingly submit to the very opposite, contrasting, physically superior male.
Do I really love my wife?
Well, in today's society where there is a real push to live "inside the head" the idea of fantasy scenarios and objectification of one's mate are probably more common than most of us realize. You probably do love your wife, but I think its important to remember that "love" is as different to each person as there are different people on the planet, and "love" for each person also shifts and changes its characteristics as time passes. How you "love" today may be completely different from how you will "love" five years or ten years from now. I hope you won't be too hard on yourself with these questions and that you won't consider any aspect of your present sexual/emotional environment as "ugle". But it would be interesting to hear your views or answers to all this in further detail.
Its like I was saying to another person who replied to this thread; what is today may not be the same as what will be in a year or two. You may outgrow this entire focus. You may eventually find it boring. You may lose all interest in every last aspect of it. You never know how CHANGE may move you. So with that in mind, don't you think that its best to take a more positive view of it all and just explore all its elements and aspects in as much depth as possible to perhaps uncover whatever may be propelling it? And such exploration may not be that difficult.....unless you personally believe it will be. If you instead relax and just desire some answers, the deeper parts of your being may allow them to surface like corks bobbing to the surface of a pond.
Wow, aren't I a boring philosophical bitch?!!
Whew. I think thats enough to chew on for now.
Hi "Julieisme"
In answer to your questions, For me personally, I dont really see MY cuckolding relationship as a form of swinging.The main reason for this is that from what i understand about swinging BOTH partners get to experience and enjoy another partner, therefore everything is on an "equal footing", plus the woman is not dominating or "steering" the events etc.
With cuckolding (for us) it is about her doing what SHE wants and that I now have to accept it all.She gets to be unfaithful to me and tries to hurt my feelings etc.and I must remain totally faithful to her.
Yes my wife tells me all of the dates events. She describes their dinner and move to the luxury hotel room etc..and of course the activites within
On a couple of ocassions they have met at a location where I was able to watch them the whole time ( my wife wanted me to see her be unfaithful to me) but her lover didnt know I was there.
Because our love is so strong for each other and that we are "the same person" I dont have any real worries of her leaving me for him. If she had been very materialistic etc..then I guess the chance would be greater, but I still doubt it very much.
Her lover is also married so of course this helps keep things stable too.
As for "how long" it will continue...I guess it will be until one of us tires of it, or it starts loosing its "effect" for us. We have always said that both of us have the right to say our "safeword" and the whole thing ends. It must remain a turn on, and a "spice" in our lives for it to be worth continuing with.
My guess is that it will continue with her lover for another 5 years or so, and possibly if and when that relationship ends, then it will only be with the odd person that comes along when the time and place arises
Hope this sheds a little light into my thoughs
In answer to your questions, For me personally, I dont really see MY cuckolding relationship as a form of swinging.The main reason for this is that from what i understand about swinging BOTH partners get to experience and enjoy another partner, therefore everything is on an "equal footing", plus the woman is not dominating or "steering" the events etc.
With cuckolding (for us) it is about her doing what SHE wants and that I now have to accept it all.She gets to be unfaithful to me and tries to hurt my feelings etc.and I must remain totally faithful to her.
Yes my wife tells me all of the dates events. She describes their dinner and move to the luxury hotel room etc..and of course the activites within
On a couple of ocassions they have met at a location where I was able to watch them the whole time ( my wife wanted me to see her be unfaithful to me) but her lover didnt know I was there.
Because our love is so strong for each other and that we are "the same person" I dont have any real worries of her leaving me for him. If she had been very materialistic etc..then I guess the chance would be greater, but I still doubt it very much.
Her lover is also married so of course this helps keep things stable too.
As for "how long" it will continue...I guess it will be until one of us tires of it, or it starts loosing its "effect" for us. We have always said that both of us have the right to say our "safeword" and the whole thing ends. It must remain a turn on, and a "spice" in our lives for it to be worth continuing with.
My guess is that it will continue with her lover for another 5 years or so, and possibly if and when that relationship ends, then it will only be with the odd person that comes along when the time and place arises
Hope this sheds a little light into my thoughs
Hi Ms. Julie,
I think this gets down to a basic difference between men and women — or perhaps I should say, between many men and many women. This may be a vast over-generalization, so get ready.... here it comes.
A "fairly large percentage" (whatever that means) of men, IMO, find masturbation about as sexually-satisfying as sex with a woman. In a sense, it can be more satisfying. This is because while beating our weenies, we men can focus mentally on the fantasies that most turn us on and orgasm on a time-scale that suits us. Also, we can beat our weenies with nothing more than our hands; hardware (/a toy) is not required.
Sex with a woman, by contrast, requires focusing on her and how she is responding in order to bring her to orgasm (we hope), while also focusing on ourselves in order to avoid orgasm too soon (we also hope). This can be *very* satisfying, especially if the woman is highly sexual, but the required division of attention makes it more challenging.
Women, by contrast (IMO), tend to find sex *much* more satisfying if they are stimulated by emotional and psychological interaction with a seductive and sexually-appealing man; even more so if they are not accustomed to predictable sexual procedures with the man because they live with him.
In other words, if a married woman can attract lovers and wants to do so (see my previous post), she will almost certainly find sex with her lovers *much* more stimulating than sex with her husband AND considerably more satisfying than sex with her dildos.
Of course, this does not preclude women from masturbating by hand and/or using (e.g.) vibrating dildos of whatever size maximizes their pleasure, to attain intense orgasms whenever they have the time and the privacy. But, satisfaction attained "risk free" with a mechanical device evidently does not compare to the emotional/psychological high a married women attains from trysts with her lovers. I assert this because if this were not the case, essentially all unsatisfied married women would masturbate with their dildos (often instead of having sex with their husbands, probably), instead of subjecting themselves to the risk, intrigue, and "time-schedule inconvenience" of taking lovers.
Now, this does not preclude some married women from finding satisfaction with their dildos (in addition to their husbands), and no doubt "some percentage" of married women prefer this to the risk of taking lovers. This preference, I would say, is consistent with the hypothesis in my previous post if one views it in terms of a woman's position on the "female sexuality scale" relative to her husband's position on the "male sexuality scale."
Enough for now. More later, probably.
—Custer
JulieIsMe said:
I think this gets down to a basic difference between men and women — or perhaps I should say, between many men and many women. This may be a vast over-generalization, so get ready.... here it comes.
A "fairly large percentage" (whatever that means) of men, IMO, find masturbation about as sexually-satisfying as sex with a woman. In a sense, it can be more satisfying. This is because while beating our weenies, we men can focus mentally on the fantasies that most turn us on and orgasm on a time-scale that suits us. Also, we can beat our weenies with nothing more than our hands; hardware (/a toy) is not required.
Sex with a woman, by contrast, requires focusing on her and how she is responding in order to bring her to orgasm (we hope), while also focusing on ourselves in order to avoid orgasm too soon (we also hope). This can be *very* satisfying, especially if the woman is highly sexual, but the required division of attention makes it more challenging.
Women, by contrast (IMO), tend to find sex *much* more satisfying if they are stimulated by emotional and psychological interaction with a seductive and sexually-appealing man; even more so if they are not accustomed to predictable sexual procedures with the man because they live with him.
In other words, if a married woman can attract lovers and wants to do so (see my previous post), she will almost certainly find sex with her lovers *much* more stimulating than sex with her husband AND considerably more satisfying than sex with her dildos.
Of course, this does not preclude women from masturbating by hand and/or using (e.g.) vibrating dildos of whatever size maximizes their pleasure, to attain intense orgasms whenever they have the time and the privacy. But, satisfaction attained "risk free" with a mechanical device evidently does not compare to the emotional/psychological high a married women attains from trysts with her lovers. I assert this because if this were not the case, essentially all unsatisfied married women would masturbate with their dildos (often instead of having sex with their husbands, probably), instead of subjecting themselves to the risk, intrigue, and "time-schedule inconvenience" of taking lovers.
Now, this does not preclude some married women from finding satisfaction with their dildos (in addition to their husbands), and no doubt "some percentage" of married women prefer this to the risk of taking lovers. This preference, I would say, is consistent with the hypothesis in my previous post if one views it in terms of a woman's position on the "female sexuality scale" relative to her husband's position on the "male sexuality scale."
Enough for now. More later, probably.
—Custer
mikewimp said:Hi "Julieisme"
In answer to your questions, For me personally, I dont really see MY cuckolding relationship as a form of swinging.The main reason for this is that from what i understand about swinging BOTH partners get to experience and enjoy another partner, therefore everything is on an "equal footing", plus the woman is not dominating or "steering" the events etc.
With cuckolding (for us) it is about her doing what SHE wants and that I now have to accept it all.She gets to be unfaithful to me and tries to hurt my feelings etc.and I must remain totally faithful to her.
Yes my wife tells me all of the dates events. She describes their dinner and move to the luxury hotel room etc..and of course the activites within
On a couple of ocassions they have met at a location where I was able to watch them the whole time ( my wife wanted me to see her be unfaithful to me) but her lover didnt know I was there.
Because our love is so strong for each other and that we are "the same person" I dont have any real worries of her leaving me for him. If she had been very materialistic etc..then I guess the chance would be greater, but I still doubt it very much.
Her lover is also married so of course this helps keep things stable too.
As for "how long" it will continue...I guess it will be until one of us tires of it, or it starts loosing its "effect" for us. We have always said that both of us have the right to say our "safeword" and the whole thing ends. It must remain a turn on, and a "spice" in our lives for it to be worth continuing with.
My guess is that it will continue with her lover for another 5 years or so, and possibly if and when that relationship ends, then it will only be with the odd person that comes along when the time and place arises
Hope this sheds a little light into my thoughs
Thanks again, mikewimp!
Yes, it sounds like this is "working' for the two of you and it merely amounts to another form of adult play. And since your wife willingly entered into this to begin with, I would be willing to bet that your marriage is probably on very firm ground. Its couples in which the husband relentlessly pressures the wife into this lifestyle that seem to face the highest chances of marriage break up. My parents almost ended up in divorce court because of this pressure my dad put on my mom, but at the last minute they worked things out and stayed together.
Lastly; if the play partner is married, what about his marriage? I wonder if his wife is aware of all this?? That's sort of dangerous in today's world. Lots of people seem to be capable of all kinds of extreme reactions. If the wife doesn't know and eventually finds out, who knows what she might do in response - do to him or to your wife, or to both of them?
