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New Year, New Thread
- Thread starterSoonToBe
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This is fantastic news, and thanks for sharing. I think you should invest in either some good razors and shaving supplies or bite it and schedule a swimmer's shave. If asked you can use the excuse (to look alpha externally) that you want to look at competing in swimming and want nothing to slow you down ....
Imagine how wonderful it will be to lay next to each with smooth legs together ... and you get none ... while Paul is manly hairy and taking the prize. This is where a drop cam would be great to watch and then having to shave yourself down while they are going at it ... imagine how exciting that would be ....
Given what she shared with you ... you need to help her get laid as much as possible, and of course you will get a chance it sounds so everybody wins!
Imagine how wonderful it will be to lay next to each with smooth legs together ... and you get none ... while Paul is manly hairy and taking the prize. This is where a drop cam would be great to watch and then having to shave yourself down while they are going at it ... imagine how exciting that would be ....
Given what she shared with you ... you need to help her get laid as much as possible, and of course you will get a chance it sounds so everybody wins!
This is like Reagan. "There she goes again.." Steve, you are falling for Sue's mind games again here. First it's the 'Cum makes me Come' routine where the mental impact of your condom use somehow becomes tied up with Sue better enjoying sex with Paul. However many times you try to explain it, it really doesn't hold water beyond a construction to control you. Now it's the Samson routine where again her greater enjoyment of Paul is starting to get tied up in you shaving. Both are then used by Sue as an excuse to you to say that she can no longer fully enjoy sex with her husband (even when she does allow it) because he has to use a condom and now, he has to shave his genitals. Balls I say.
Meanwhile, Teg thinks Sue has discovered the holy grail of cuckold control because it pushes some of HIS buttons.
If this experiment is ever going to end with more equal sex between you, and Sue (if only for a moment) is truly enjoying that sex with you in a genuine, rather than contrived, connection then there seems to be a few criteria that probably should be met at least occasionally in the next year. Firstly, that you should forego the use of condoms and grow your hair back before the event. Secondly, that the event itself should be at least a weekend affair with multiple sessions in the same way that all of Paul's sessions are. One penetration would be so tense, neither of you would get enough emotional nourishment from it.
I mean, what is Sue risking here? That she might somehow see the hollowness of sex with Paul when on an equal playing field, sexual satisfaction is close between you? That you might see just how much you are giving up for something else gained which is not as good? That you see that Sue saying she wants it to be real is because she does want it to be real? Previously you have had 90% of the cuckold gain whilst retaining 90% of a normal sex life for a man of your age. Whilst it makes an interesting experiment maybe, I can't see long term that the 10% gained on the cuck side is anywhere near worth the loss on the relationship side. You are further approaching the age where genuine ED effects can seriously start to affect you. Some you can control with diet or drugs, some you can't. You run some risk of never truly making love to your wife ever again. Ok, it's small but it's there.
I've said it before, there are some who believe that this giving up of any sort or equal sex life is both acceptable and satisfying. There are others no doubt reading and commentating who enjoy reading about more and more extreme forms of relationships. If this progression is genuinely the direction you want to go or perhaps secretly, the direction Sue wants to go, then I truly genuinely hope you enjoy the spiral slide into it. I do. There's a nice soft landing in Squirmland or Tegdreamland at the end of it. But neither of you are saying that. Both you and Sue continue to talk about a time when you revert in some way. Not to a point you were at before but to a future point where, for example, condomless sex as equals takes place but within a gentle framework of control by Sue. Or any other scenario which seems agreeable to you at the time. The thing is, nearly all of these scenarios take place in an area which is above where you are on the ladder at the moment, and Sue is currently pushing you further down that same ladder. In doing so, she is eroding your confidence and her apparent regard for your own manhood as she goes. The 'Relax and Enjoy It' brigade are in fact relaxed about you taking the journey down. If you are relaxed, you must at the same time have a belief that you could also climb back up at some point. From your writing this does not appear to be based on any plan, timetable or strategy. Agreed or otherwise. I am not trying to create some urgent or desperate need to put such plans in place, but the first stage (like AA) is to accept that such plans and the dialog behind them are needed.
Meanwhile, Teg thinks Sue has discovered the holy grail of cuckold control because it pushes some of HIS buttons.
If this experiment is ever going to end with more equal sex between you, and Sue (if only for a moment) is truly enjoying that sex with you in a genuine, rather than contrived, connection then there seems to be a few criteria that probably should be met at least occasionally in the next year. Firstly, that you should forego the use of condoms and grow your hair back before the event. Secondly, that the event itself should be at least a weekend affair with multiple sessions in the same way that all of Paul's sessions are. One penetration would be so tense, neither of you would get enough emotional nourishment from it.
I mean, what is Sue risking here? That she might somehow see the hollowness of sex with Paul when on an equal playing field, sexual satisfaction is close between you? That you might see just how much you are giving up for something else gained which is not as good? That you see that Sue saying she wants it to be real is because she does want it to be real? Previously you have had 90% of the cuckold gain whilst retaining 90% of a normal sex life for a man of your age. Whilst it makes an interesting experiment maybe, I can't see long term that the 10% gained on the cuck side is anywhere near worth the loss on the relationship side. You are further approaching the age where genuine ED effects can seriously start to affect you. Some you can control with diet or drugs, some you can't. You run some risk of never truly making love to your wife ever again. Ok, it's small but it's there.
I've said it before, there are some who believe that this giving up of any sort or equal sex life is both acceptable and satisfying. There are others no doubt reading and commentating who enjoy reading about more and more extreme forms of relationships. If this progression is genuinely the direction you want to go or perhaps secretly, the direction Sue wants to go, then I truly genuinely hope you enjoy the spiral slide into it. I do. There's a nice soft landing in Squirmland or Tegdreamland at the end of it. But neither of you are saying that. Both you and Sue continue to talk about a time when you revert in some way. Not to a point you were at before but to a future point where, for example, condomless sex as equals takes place but within a gentle framework of control by Sue. Or any other scenario which seems agreeable to you at the time. The thing is, nearly all of these scenarios take place in an area which is above where you are on the ladder at the moment, and Sue is currently pushing you further down that same ladder. In doing so, she is eroding your confidence and her apparent regard for your own manhood as she goes. The 'Relax and Enjoy It' brigade are in fact relaxed about you taking the journey down. If you are relaxed, you must at the same time have a belief that you could also climb back up at some point. From your writing this does not appear to be based on any plan, timetable or strategy. Agreed or otherwise. I am not trying to create some urgent or desperate need to put such plans in place, but the first stage (like AA) is to accept that such plans and the dialog behind them are needed.
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Well said STB. Also despite STB asking several times about why shaving making him so different, Sue doesn't comes out openly. Rather says that like Condom - it might convince STB to give up Sex with her for ever. Is that what both of you want ?
There is cuckolding with humiliation and then there is cuckolding with love....
There is cuckolding with humiliation and then there is cuckolding with love....
So you understand my view point I am a switch ... so I understand both aspects of the play. I of course don't want STB to feel uncomfortable and love and companionship is by far the most important thing in life, but from what I have read in his writings it appears that he is interested in poking his head further down the rabbit hole ... he just doesn't know how long he wants to linger there if for very long. The vantage point I saw was a 6-8 week experiment that might last until their first ski trip with a definite pause around the holiday aspects. I could even envision her using the holidays as a no touch land just for kicks ... but like it was inferred only 3 maybe 4 months tops for the whole game/situation.
But who knows in life ..... hope that helps from my perspective.
But who knows in life ..... hope that helps from my perspective.
tegelad said:
Tegelad - I am with you on the belief that that Steve should not do anything that he is uncomfortable. I also agree with you in the belief that they (Steve and Sue) have a strong stable foundation build on love and companionship as Steve has written about this throughout the years.
I think your correct, Steve does seem to be interested in poking his head further down the rabbit hole as you have referred to it. With that said, you and I have similar predictions that what was initially intended to be the end of October could realistically go as far out as the Holiday's or even extended out to the annual ski trip before consideration of a sexual re-connection on the level that Peak continues to push for. We ALL may find that Steve does enjoy being the beta cuckold even more so than he current realized once he truly gets to experience what it is like.
To me, it would seem that Sue has been preparing Steve for his moment for nearly two (2) years, ever since he first told Sue that he had desires to explore being a beta sexually within the relationship. Some refer to equals as being 50/50 although within a Alpha/Beta relationship there tends to be balance through inequality. This is more about balance as to what works best for Steve and Sue, less about so-called equality.
Those that have never explored/experimented with being a beta cuckold have no idea what the attraction to this aspect of the lifestyle is about. Yes, Sue has asked for Steve to relax; yes others of us have also suggested that Steve truly enjoys this direction that he should 'Relax and Enjoy It' as this variation of the lifestyles does have ever evolving dynamics and only the core couple know what works for them.
Steven - Do what works best for the both of you and what makes you both enjoy this stage of your life.
So sexy to have her tease you with the smell of her wet pussy while you masturbate and talk! I don't know if it gets better than that. Like many others have said, letting go and enjoying is the key! Take it for what it is! Relish in the fact that its not your pussy to feel or fuck! The sooner you accept that its not going to happen (Sue really wants you to go that way in the future you know) and just enjoy your masturbation to its fullest as your new form of sex with her, all the easier and nastier and sexier it will be! Enjoy!
Well, no other way to put it than I've just watched him fuck the shit out of my wife. She was almost motionless by the time I watched him push into her one last time and I heard him finally let out the sound I think I was waiting and may have even wanted or dare I say almost needed to hear. She'd been riding one long orgasm just before she finally let go with what even I saw as a huge climax for her. He stayed motionless in her as she thrashed beneath him until she calmed down. I didn't watch any longer as I'm sure my thoughts will fill in the blanks and to be honest, seeing her embracing and kissing him as she was, while arousing to me, is still something that also makes me feel as if I'm prying into her privacy and yes, to be honest, sometimes - like now knowing the moment - it gets to me.
I am so horny right now, the lights are out in the room now and I know she is lying next to him falling asleep while I'm here - and yes - I am just rock hard right now thinking about it. He got here closer to 9pm but he'd texted Sue that he was running late and she should "stay warm" for him. We were cordial when he arrived and had already had a glass or two of wine while we waited for him. The three of us were talking pretty relaxedly for a little bit there with the TV on in the background, and again I could see what she liked about him, he was just a nice guy (as I've said before) in that he wasn't pushy either in conversation or actions with her, not until she took the lead and she edged him onward. There was something we were talking about regarding french food and she joked about french-toast for breakfast which was laden with innuendo. The conversation turned a bit towards the two of them and as they began to talk to each other instead of me, I took it as my cue to become more scarce so I went into the kitchen. Their talking continued over the TV but then their voices fell lower and after a few more minutes I looked out to see them kissing and making out on the couch. As she'd said, this was one of the things she wanted to feel free to do, to feel the arousal with him and want to be able to respond to it. I gave them some space and sure enough, he began to undo her top and open it up revealing the tops of her breasts and her bra. My hardon grew to full hardness when I saw him lean back a bit and I saw her squirm and then saw her slide her bra off, somehow, from beneath her shirt and a moment later he had her breasts fully out in the open as they continued this one long kiss. I made some noise in the kitchen and the both of them came walking into the kitchen a moment later. She had rebuttoned her top but I knew her bra was off and from the look on her face and her messed up hair, I could tell she was really horny as she stood there. He smiled at me as he went over to the refrigerator and when he opened it she smiled up at me and said out loud for him to "get a bottle of water" and as the fridge door closed, he was following her upstairs.
I could go on about what I watched and how I felt seeing her. And it's now a bit more obvious to me what was also said last night as I'll try to share tomorrow as he may be here into the afternoon tomorrow given the weather, but the way they were tonight didn't surprise me after our conversation last night where we both aired our thoughts and feelings.
And yes, to put it into words that I won't soon forget and to make it clear to everyone here - right now, sure I have this angst - but at the same time I love that she's in bed with him, enjoying her post-orgasm moment with him and I'm quite sure the cum he deposited in her. I can't say it any other way than I love how turned on I am about it right now. I'm working my way up to masturbating to the thoughts of them together. I can't put it any other way.
I need to go right now.
I am so horny right now, the lights are out in the room now and I know she is lying next to him falling asleep while I'm here - and yes - I am just rock hard right now thinking about it. He got here closer to 9pm but he'd texted Sue that he was running late and she should "stay warm" for him. We were cordial when he arrived and had already had a glass or two of wine while we waited for him. The three of us were talking pretty relaxedly for a little bit there with the TV on in the background, and again I could see what she liked about him, he was just a nice guy (as I've said before) in that he wasn't pushy either in conversation or actions with her, not until she took the lead and she edged him onward. There was something we were talking about regarding french food and she joked about french-toast for breakfast which was laden with innuendo. The conversation turned a bit towards the two of them and as they began to talk to each other instead of me, I took it as my cue to become more scarce so I went into the kitchen. Their talking continued over the TV but then their voices fell lower and after a few more minutes I looked out to see them kissing and making out on the couch. As she'd said, this was one of the things she wanted to feel free to do, to feel the arousal with him and want to be able to respond to it. I gave them some space and sure enough, he began to undo her top and open it up revealing the tops of her breasts and her bra. My hardon grew to full hardness when I saw him lean back a bit and I saw her squirm and then saw her slide her bra off, somehow, from beneath her shirt and a moment later he had her breasts fully out in the open as they continued this one long kiss. I made some noise in the kitchen and the both of them came walking into the kitchen a moment later. She had rebuttoned her top but I knew her bra was off and from the look on her face and her messed up hair, I could tell she was really horny as she stood there. He smiled at me as he went over to the refrigerator and when he opened it she smiled up at me and said out loud for him to "get a bottle of water" and as the fridge door closed, he was following her upstairs.
I could go on about what I watched and how I felt seeing her. And it's now a bit more obvious to me what was also said last night as I'll try to share tomorrow as he may be here into the afternoon tomorrow given the weather, but the way they were tonight didn't surprise me after our conversation last night where we both aired our thoughts and feelings.
And yes, to put it into words that I won't soon forget and to make it clear to everyone here - right now, sure I have this angst - but at the same time I love that she's in bed with him, enjoying her post-orgasm moment with him and I'm quite sure the cum he deposited in her. I can't say it any other way than I love how turned on I am about it right now. I'm working my way up to masturbating to the thoughts of them together. I can't put it any other way.
I need to go right now.
Thank you for this Steve, it seems you are receiving exactly what you have been seeking and I am pleased for you. Also I feel a connection inasmuch that as I write you are laying in your bed listening/imaging and reacting to give yourself pleasure and comfort whilst I am likewise painting my own mental pictures of what you have so exquisitely described. Can't wait to hear how the remainder of the weekend is going to pan out. Enjoy.
They are downstairs right now having "breakfast" which I joked with Sue about seeming more like dessert given the noises and sounds from our room earlier this morning. She hugged me back and kissed me good-morning as she was getting coffee made in the kitchen. I thought she might be naked under the robe she wore (and I was right) and the same about Paul when he came downstairs about 10 minutes ago in one of my robes (Sue told me she'd told him it'd be okay). I know they were having sex before they came down so I want to go back downstairs and see how it feels to be with her/them right now. Even after jerking off twice last night after I posted here, my cock is hard again after hearing them and now the thought of her still being freshly wet from him is just making me crazy.
I should share a bit - we talked a lot on Thursday night that - well, lets just say we both said what we needed to say. Nothing she told me was what I wasn't expecting but hearing it from her was both arousing for sure, but yes, also a little sobering - and so far, last night and this morning are going exactly as she'd said she'd wanted.
I should share a bit - we talked a lot on Thursday night that - well, lets just say we both said what we needed to say. Nothing she told me was what I wasn't expecting but hearing it from her was both arousing for sure, but yes, also a little sobering - and so far, last night and this morning are going exactly as she'd said she'd wanted.
They're now in the shower together and I can hear them through the wall. She asked me if everything was okay while he was on his cellphone - I believe, arranging a golf-game for the afternoon since the rain stopped here. She asked and I told her I'd cum twice last night and that I was very turned on by everything. She giggled and then asked if I would be okay with them going up and taking a shower together. I told her "of course" which made her smile ear-to-ear. They talked and he went upstairs before her and she told me that they may "have a little more alone time before he leaves" and I again said ok. She kissed me before she followed him upstairs and then whispered that "I'll leave the door open a little". So when I hear the shower go off I'm going to go upstairs and watch if I can - I can't believe he'd have a 3rd time in him - lol.
To answer if I'm okay with everything - I can say yes right now. There were a few moments when I still felt that queasy feeling inside but all in all, I have to say that it was okay to let her have her time with him. I hope to have more time later today to share Thursday nights conversation that sort of laid-all-to-bare. What I can say is that finally hearing her tell me exactly what she wants led me to share some of my thoughts that I hadn't been able to earlier too. It seems strange to say it, but talking with her has made it easier for me to enjoy last night and this morning. I'll say it that right now - I actually really enjoyed last night in my own way. For the first time I have to say that I didn't have a scary-foreboding feeling watching them together - it may be easier for me to watch from the doorway for now as we move ahead.
Okay - that's the shower turning off (finally) so I'm going to post this now and go peer in on them again.
To answer if I'm okay with everything - I can say yes right now. There were a few moments when I still felt that queasy feeling inside but all in all, I have to say that it was okay to let her have her time with him. I hope to have more time later today to share Thursday nights conversation that sort of laid-all-to-bare. What I can say is that finally hearing her tell me exactly what she wants led me to share some of my thoughts that I hadn't been able to earlier too. It seems strange to say it, but talking with her has made it easier for me to enjoy last night and this morning. I'll say it that right now - I actually really enjoyed last night in my own way. For the first time I have to say that I didn't have a scary-foreboding feeling watching them together - it may be easier for me to watch from the doorway for now as we move ahead.
Okay - that's the shower turning off (finally) so I'm going to post this now and go peer in on them again.
That truly has to be awesome. The alphas come together for a fantastic evening and night, bless you with the sweet sound of their love making. Then you get to as a friend observe a morning ritual that you have given up to another man, and then some more fun time. He then is a strong enough alpha male to step out, go play 18 ... and with any luck he comes back after and takes charge for some fun time.
I don't know what your plans are or what she shared with you (you will need to fill in the blanks to help us understand), but if he does come back, I would suggest that maybe you have the coffee and breakfast ready for them. I would also suggest since it help your beautiful wife out that you make sure that you are as hairless as possible to help reinforce the difference between her friend that she loves for companionship and her friend that is her alpha and lover.
Please keep us updated and it will also allow you to come back later and reread during the week. Also, if you can share what the longer term plans look like that would be super awesome!
I know if I were in Paul's shoes I would be proud of you for embracing your role.
I don't know what your plans are or what she shared with you (you will need to fill in the blanks to help us understand), but if he does come back, I would suggest that maybe you have the coffee and breakfast ready for them. I would also suggest since it help your beautiful wife out that you make sure that you are as hairless as possible to help reinforce the difference between her friend that she loves for companionship and her friend that is her alpha and lover.
Please keep us updated and it will also allow you to come back later and reread during the week. Also, if you can share what the longer term plans look like that would be super awesome!
I know if I were in Paul's shoes I would be proud of you for embracing your role.
She just went over her sisters so I had some time to fill in the blanks. First though, I did peer in and watch them again this morning. It was very erotic seeing her take off her robe and then take his off and see that they were both naked underneath. I was actually surprised at how easily he got hard and how hard he stayed while she lay back for him on the bed. Again what really turned me on was that i think they are more natural and at ease when I'm not right there because she just seemed to be so beautiful lying there, kissing him and then them both playing with each other. Seeing her just let him finger her and put them inside her made me feel warm all over as there really was no doubt she was into it totally. He seemed to be a bit more physical than I'd expected but then again, it'd take me a whole lot of activity to get hard even if I could cum a third time. There wasn't a lot of foreplay though and I think she let him fuck her more than she was totally into it in terms of orgasms - I think she'd had quite enough already - but she did lie back and let him until he came in her one last time.
But to go back to Thursday night that sort of started things. Well, lets just say we had a very frank and open conversation. I can't say that I was totally okay with everything she said - and I told her - but in the end, she had her valid points and I'm a little surprised at myself at what I was finally able to tell her.
It was me who started it when I told her that I didn't think we'd talked about everything the night before. I can't remember exactly what the subject was that led to it but at some point I just came out and asked her if we were just playing with things or if she was truly feeling that this was for real and that I should maybe be worried about returning if she was feeling that way. I also asked her just what she was thinking about how long this would go on for and that sort of stuff.
But before she said anything she looked at me and told me that I still was getting all anxious and that she wanted to know that if I truly wanted all of this to happen - and she said she was pretty sure that I was - that again she said "why are you always resisting so much?". It wasn't until she looked at me and told me something to the effect of "after over 9 years honey, you should know that I love you no matter what and that not having sex with you isn't going to change that or make me feel differently about you". I asked her, just to make me feel good, about my bare cock and she giggled and said again how it doesn't make her feel differently about how she loves me, but she did say that it does make me look like a "little boy" and that she said I had to understand that it made it easier for her to want him.
It wasn't until she looked at me and said that if it really turns me on that she has sex with Paul only, that I should just relax about it and come out and say it so it's something that we can just be more comfortable about and to just accept it. She kissed me and hugged me and told me that if it was something that was going to change things between us, then it already would have. She smiled and looked at me and said that she wanted me to relax about it and to just accept it if it's truly how I felt. I told her that it was and she said "so, then that's it" and she looked at me and said that it's what she wants for right now.
Well, that led to me asking - how long is right now, and on and on. So to summarize her answers. She is very aroused that I no longer cum inside her and she's agreed with me that it turns us both on to think about it. I told her that I didn't understand it but that it truly turned me on to think that i may never cum inside her again and that only Paul or another man would be the only one to cum in her. She teased me back telling me that she loved the feeling of knowing only her lover would truly "know her" that way and I told her in turn that I derived incredible pleasure, somehow, out of knowing that her most 'intimate place' is only truly used by Paul. She giggled and told me that it turned her on to think that only Paul's cum was in her "and on my cervix and maybe in my womb". She looked at me and said that when I want to give up the beta thing, that I can resume cumming in her. I in turn told her that I wasn't sure when or if I was going to feel differently and that I admitted to feeling more comfortable as time has gone by.
She told me that she wanted to feel that she could be intimate with him when and where she wanted, which was why I wasn't surprised by their actions in the den on Friday night. I told her that as long as I felt that we were good, that I would be okay with her doing as she wanted. She promised me that she was going to try to make things good for me and she asked how I was feeling in general and she also asked me about how I felt about him starting to spend more nights with her and at our place.
I told her that the past few weeks had been good for us and that while I felt a growing physical desire to have sex with her, that I also told her that as long as I seemed to be close with her and that she would welcome me into bed with her even if we weren't having sex, that it was something I felt I needed and didn't even really recognize before. She told me that she too had felt the same thing and that for a long time she had felt that it would be too hard on me or too difficult to let me be closer to her after she'd been with Paul or at other times when - ordinarily, we'd be sexual with each other. I told her that I'd rather cuddle with her even when she's filled with his cum than not feel her at all - and then I giggled myself and I remember telling her that I liked knowing she was like that like the prior weekend.
She looked at me and she asked me if I was serious about that and I told her yes. It seemed like it was something new to her until I told her that it did turn me on and that i loved feeling her afterwards and even about the smells and how they made me feel good about her. I think it was kind of a turning point because I continued telling her that I liked how it felt to see and know she'd truly made love with Paul and that once I could let myself accept that I wasn't going to have sex with her, that it made it easier in a way for me to enjoy being a voyeur.
I prodded her for her thoughts on the future and she was quite candid with me. She told me she wanted this arrangement with Paul to extend through the holidays and New Years and she looked at me and said "I want to fuck him on New Year eve this year baby" and I took a deep breath and I told her that it turned me on that for what might be our 30th or 31st New Years together, that it would be okay if it wasn't me and that I even admitted I wanted to feel how it would be to not have her that night. She smiled and told me that she wanted him to come away skiing with us again but that she hoped I would be okay if she could feel she was truly his all weekend. I told her that again as long as I felt still connected to her somehow, and if not that weekend, then when we got home afterwards, that I was sure it would be something that would work out for us. She smiled and hugged me and said she loved me and that she would be sure to.
In the end she told me that she thought that by spring that she thought she'd be past her urges with Paul and that if I could wait till then, that she felt she'd have a very new feeling about everything and that she wanted to feel that she was his until then and she asked me how I'd feel about all that. I was honest with her and I told her that it scared me a bit to go that long but at the same time, I also admitted that it was very erotic for me to think that way - that I may not feel her body again for 6 months or more. She reminded me that at the end of October that we would have some time and she agreed that "we need some alone time too" for skiing and elsewhere, but she also said that while we will go away and do stuff, that she hoped I understood that sexually it wasn't going to be the same. I told her that I understood.
The conversation turned to "real vs. fantasy" and I told her that I understood and that I wanted to go along with her making this seem as real as possible and I told her that it turned me on to think that way - but I also told her very clearly that at the same time - if she was truly feeling that this was going to be truly what she wanted for reality - that she didn't want me to have sex with her - that it worried me. She told me that she knew her feelings were changing and growing and that for example, as she'd already told me, that she doesn't feel she could ever just be with me sexually now in the future "I think I'm always going to want to have another man from time to time baby" and she said that if that was okay with me (which it was) then the rest beyond that isn't anything that she's firmly committed to. She teased me that she does love that I may no longer cum in her but she said that it turns me on too is what she is loving even more. And she said that I shouldn't be so concerned about enjoying that and that she thinks it's nice that its something that we enjoy together for different reasons and that I should just relax about it, as she said at one point "so what that you like that, it's okay with me". She turned to me and asked me what I was thinking. After all she'd said already and what I'd already said - it seemed easy for me to tell her more of what was buried in my head.
I told her that as we'd talked, that it turned me on like nothing else I'd ever felt that only Paul was cumming in her. I told her that in my head that i loved the thought of it being something that we may continue to do for a long time and that I liked how it made me feel about leaving that for her to enjoy with him. She smiled and said she loved me for being able to tell her that. I told her that it made me feel strangely satisfied knowing that and that it scared me but it turned me on in much the same way that we have, for the time being, given up intercourse too. I told her that not feeling her pussy was also much more of a turn-on than I'd have anticipated and that seeing her naked now knowing I won't have her makes me so aroused all the time about her. But I also told her that I was scared that after 6 or more months, that it may not be the same afterwards. She asked me what I thought was going to happen and I told her that I was worried we'd lose our being in sync so well. She told me that was going to happen and that there wasn't going to be anything I could do about it. But then she said that was also part of what she wanted out of all of this - that when we are ready - that she wants to rediscover each other and that she hopes she feels differently to me as she is sure my cock is going to feel very different to her - but that if it turns us both on to try this out - that we shouldn't feel scared or worried about it but instead, it should be something that is exciting to think about both now and then.
I don't know if I've covered everything but somehow, at the end of Thursday nights' conversation, it just felt easier to let her go with Paul and to let her continue with her plans and desires. Even this afternoon after he left, it was very sexy and very erotic to talk openly about what they'd done together and how much I'd enjoyed watching and then pleasing myself last night. She said she loved hearing about it and promised me that we'd continue to talk like we had and that she too felt good about us and about what we were doing and that she was glad we could clear the air.
Maybe hearing her say it - knowing what she wants to plan and do - and to hear it now might make it easier or at least let me know what to expect to feel and see in the future. I know I told her that while I liked seeing them messing around in our house like in the den, I did also tell her that at least for the near future, that while I like seeing them getting started, that I wasn't yet ready to be dealing with them fucking and more in other parts of our house, at least not just yet. I told her that for the short time, that seeing them playing around and getting worked up was very hot but that for now, I liked that they'd go up to our bedroom for their real fun. She agreed (surprise) and said that "playing around all over the house" was something she agreed that they should work up to more slowly.
More later.
But to go back to Thursday night that sort of started things. Well, lets just say we had a very frank and open conversation. I can't say that I was totally okay with everything she said - and I told her - but in the end, she had her valid points and I'm a little surprised at myself at what I was finally able to tell her.
It was me who started it when I told her that I didn't think we'd talked about everything the night before. I can't remember exactly what the subject was that led to it but at some point I just came out and asked her if we were just playing with things or if she was truly feeling that this was for real and that I should maybe be worried about returning if she was feeling that way. I also asked her just what she was thinking about how long this would go on for and that sort of stuff.
But before she said anything she looked at me and told me that I still was getting all anxious and that she wanted to know that if I truly wanted all of this to happen - and she said she was pretty sure that I was - that again she said "why are you always resisting so much?". It wasn't until she looked at me and told me something to the effect of "after over 9 years honey, you should know that I love you no matter what and that not having sex with you isn't going to change that or make me feel differently about you". I asked her, just to make me feel good, about my bare cock and she giggled and said again how it doesn't make her feel differently about how she loves me, but she did say that it does make me look like a "little boy" and that she said I had to understand that it made it easier for her to want him.
It wasn't until she looked at me and said that if it really turns me on that she has sex with Paul only, that I should just relax about it and come out and say it so it's something that we can just be more comfortable about and to just accept it. She kissed me and hugged me and told me that if it was something that was going to change things between us, then it already would have. She smiled and looked at me and said that she wanted me to relax about it and to just accept it if it's truly how I felt. I told her that it was and she said "so, then that's it" and she looked at me and said that it's what she wants for right now.
Well, that led to me asking - how long is right now, and on and on. So to summarize her answers. She is very aroused that I no longer cum inside her and she's agreed with me that it turns us both on to think about it. I told her that I didn't understand it but that it truly turned me on to think that i may never cum inside her again and that only Paul or another man would be the only one to cum in her. She teased me back telling me that she loved the feeling of knowing only her lover would truly "know her" that way and I told her in turn that I derived incredible pleasure, somehow, out of knowing that her most 'intimate place' is only truly used by Paul. She giggled and told me that it turned her on to think that only Paul's cum was in her "and on my cervix and maybe in my womb". She looked at me and said that when I want to give up the beta thing, that I can resume cumming in her. I in turn told her that I wasn't sure when or if I was going to feel differently and that I admitted to feeling more comfortable as time has gone by.
She told me that she wanted to feel that she could be intimate with him when and where she wanted, which was why I wasn't surprised by their actions in the den on Friday night. I told her that as long as I felt that we were good, that I would be okay with her doing as she wanted. She promised me that she was going to try to make things good for me and she asked how I was feeling in general and she also asked me about how I felt about him starting to spend more nights with her and at our place.
I told her that the past few weeks had been good for us and that while I felt a growing physical desire to have sex with her, that I also told her that as long as I seemed to be close with her and that she would welcome me into bed with her even if we weren't having sex, that it was something I felt I needed and didn't even really recognize before. She told me that she too had felt the same thing and that for a long time she had felt that it would be too hard on me or too difficult to let me be closer to her after she'd been with Paul or at other times when - ordinarily, we'd be sexual with each other. I told her that I'd rather cuddle with her even when she's filled with his cum than not feel her at all - and then I giggled myself and I remember telling her that I liked knowing she was like that like the prior weekend.
She looked at me and she asked me if I was serious about that and I told her yes. It seemed like it was something new to her until I told her that it did turn me on and that i loved feeling her afterwards and even about the smells and how they made me feel good about her. I think it was kind of a turning point because I continued telling her that I liked how it felt to see and know she'd truly made love with Paul and that once I could let myself accept that I wasn't going to have sex with her, that it made it easier in a way for me to enjoy being a voyeur.
I prodded her for her thoughts on the future and she was quite candid with me. She told me she wanted this arrangement with Paul to extend through the holidays and New Years and she looked at me and said "I want to fuck him on New Year eve this year baby" and I took a deep breath and I told her that it turned me on that for what might be our 30th or 31st New Years together, that it would be okay if it wasn't me and that I even admitted I wanted to feel how it would be to not have her that night. She smiled and told me that she wanted him to come away skiing with us again but that she hoped I would be okay if she could feel she was truly his all weekend. I told her that again as long as I felt still connected to her somehow, and if not that weekend, then when we got home afterwards, that I was sure it would be something that would work out for us. She smiled and hugged me and said she loved me and that she would be sure to.
In the end she told me that she thought that by spring that she thought she'd be past her urges with Paul and that if I could wait till then, that she felt she'd have a very new feeling about everything and that she wanted to feel that she was his until then and she asked me how I'd feel about all that. I was honest with her and I told her that it scared me a bit to go that long but at the same time, I also admitted that it was very erotic for me to think that way - that I may not feel her body again for 6 months or more. She reminded me that at the end of October that we would have some time and she agreed that "we need some alone time too" for skiing and elsewhere, but she also said that while we will go away and do stuff, that she hoped I understood that sexually it wasn't going to be the same. I told her that I understood.
The conversation turned to "real vs. fantasy" and I told her that I understood and that I wanted to go along with her making this seem as real as possible and I told her that it turned me on to think that way - but I also told her very clearly that at the same time - if she was truly feeling that this was going to be truly what she wanted for reality - that she didn't want me to have sex with her - that it worried me. She told me that she knew her feelings were changing and growing and that for example, as she'd already told me, that she doesn't feel she could ever just be with me sexually now in the future "I think I'm always going to want to have another man from time to time baby" and she said that if that was okay with me (which it was) then the rest beyond that isn't anything that she's firmly committed to. She teased me that she does love that I may no longer cum in her but she said that it turns me on too is what she is loving even more. And she said that I shouldn't be so concerned about enjoying that and that she thinks it's nice that its something that we enjoy together for different reasons and that I should just relax about it, as she said at one point "so what that you like that, it's okay with me". She turned to me and asked me what I was thinking. After all she'd said already and what I'd already said - it seemed easy for me to tell her more of what was buried in my head.
I told her that as we'd talked, that it turned me on like nothing else I'd ever felt that only Paul was cumming in her. I told her that in my head that i loved the thought of it being something that we may continue to do for a long time and that I liked how it made me feel about leaving that for her to enjoy with him. She smiled and said she loved me for being able to tell her that. I told her that it made me feel strangely satisfied knowing that and that it scared me but it turned me on in much the same way that we have, for the time being, given up intercourse too. I told her that not feeling her pussy was also much more of a turn-on than I'd have anticipated and that seeing her naked now knowing I won't have her makes me so aroused all the time about her. But I also told her that I was scared that after 6 or more months, that it may not be the same afterwards. She asked me what I thought was going to happen and I told her that I was worried we'd lose our being in sync so well. She told me that was going to happen and that there wasn't going to be anything I could do about it. But then she said that was also part of what she wanted out of all of this - that when we are ready - that she wants to rediscover each other and that she hopes she feels differently to me as she is sure my cock is going to feel very different to her - but that if it turns us both on to try this out - that we shouldn't feel scared or worried about it but instead, it should be something that is exciting to think about both now and then.
I don't know if I've covered everything but somehow, at the end of Thursday nights' conversation, it just felt easier to let her go with Paul and to let her continue with her plans and desires. Even this afternoon after he left, it was very sexy and very erotic to talk openly about what they'd done together and how much I'd enjoyed watching and then pleasing myself last night. She said she loved hearing about it and promised me that we'd continue to talk like we had and that she too felt good about us and about what we were doing and that she was glad we could clear the air.
Maybe hearing her say it - knowing what she wants to plan and do - and to hear it now might make it easier or at least let me know what to expect to feel and see in the future. I know I told her that while I liked seeing them messing around in our house like in the den, I did also tell her that at least for the near future, that while I like seeing them getting started, that I wasn't yet ready to be dealing with them fucking and more in other parts of our house, at least not just yet. I told her that for the short time, that seeing them playing around and getting worked up was very hot but that for now, I liked that they'd go up to our bedroom for their real fun. She agreed (surprise) and said that "playing around all over the house" was something she agreed that they should work up to more slowly.
More later.
Steve,
It was good to read that you and Sue continue have open honest discussions on even deeper levels opening up additional layers, sharing even more with each other. It now also seems very clear that if you truly have any issues with what is happening at this stage you would need to give up the beta side and do what you would need to do to return to the Alpha role. Otherwise if you truly do want the retain and experience more as a beta, you need to full embrace it, relax and enjoy the adventures that you both as a couple are on.
Sue seems to have made it clear that it now has been over 9 years of her being with other men with your encouragement and support, along with her indication to you that for now and into the future that "I think I'm always going to want to have another man from time to time baby".
You mentioned "I told her that I was worried we'd lose our being in sync", than she replied with confirmation "She told me that was going to happen and that there wasn't going to be anything I could do about it, but then she said that was also part of what she wanted out of all of this"; were you truly caught off guard?
You both seems to be seeking the same experience from your own respective view points. There will be those on this forum which will questions your most recent post, they will say that Sue is manipulating you and will over look the statements that you posted about it being reflection of mutual enjoyment, mutual desires, and by mutual agreement, etc.
The physical intercourse reconnection that some here feel that is required, has now been moved from the end of October, to the Holiday's to the Spring of 2017. Based on your post; many of us could come to the conclusion that intercourse between you and Sue may be placed on an indefinite hold/denial based on your mutual agreement until you switch back to Alpha or she feels a strong need to have you inside of her. In the mean time, it would also seem that Sue has made it clear that you two would still have a good bit of one on one time together to maintain your connection with an understanding that you two would not be having sexual contact in the way it had been in the past. While you both may lose the sexual sync, I still believe that you both will continue to grow your non-sexual intimacy which will allow for an even deeper connection.
Looking forward to reading more of your future post; enjoy your journey and considering that you have now entered that new phase of your relationship, it might be time to transition to a new thread.
It was good to read that you and Sue continue have open honest discussions on even deeper levels opening up additional layers, sharing even more with each other. It now also seems very clear that if you truly have any issues with what is happening at this stage you would need to give up the beta side and do what you would need to do to return to the Alpha role. Otherwise if you truly do want the retain and experience more as a beta, you need to full embrace it, relax and enjoy the adventures that you both as a couple are on.
Sue seems to have made it clear that it now has been over 9 years of her being with other men with your encouragement and support, along with her indication to you that for now and into the future that "I think I'm always going to want to have another man from time to time baby".
You mentioned "I told her that I was worried we'd lose our being in sync", than she replied with confirmation "She told me that was going to happen and that there wasn't going to be anything I could do about it, but then she said that was also part of what she wanted out of all of this"; were you truly caught off guard?
You both seems to be seeking the same experience from your own respective view points. There will be those on this forum which will questions your most recent post, they will say that Sue is manipulating you and will over look the statements that you posted about it being reflection of mutual enjoyment, mutual desires, and by mutual agreement, etc.
The physical intercourse reconnection that some here feel that is required, has now been moved from the end of October, to the Holiday's to the Spring of 2017. Based on your post; many of us could come to the conclusion that intercourse between you and Sue may be placed on an indefinite hold/denial based on your mutual agreement until you switch back to Alpha or she feels a strong need to have you inside of her. In the mean time, it would also seem that Sue has made it clear that you two would still have a good bit of one on one time together to maintain your connection with an understanding that you two would not be having sexual contact in the way it had been in the past. While you both may lose the sexual sync, I still believe that you both will continue to grow your non-sexual intimacy which will allow for an even deeper connection.
Looking forward to reading more of your future post; enjoy your journey and considering that you have now entered that new phase of your relationship, it might be time to transition to a new thread.
Well Steve, for the most part I have agree with Squirmy and his conclusions. Sue married an alpha, she made love with him for years as an alpha. That alpha was then allowed to dig his own sexual grave until he got here. As Squirmy says the only way back is for you to push the alpha button. And mean it, Sue would test it. It's interesting that she shows no sign of ever initiating it herself.
My final thought here is to reappraise Sue's role in all this from the start. We have followed your analysis Steve, all the way without ever really hearing Sue's motivation for all these changes. We have what she has told you but I now suspect that has not been all. Your marriage started very much based on sex and sexual attraction. It added so much more including the care of two children who now no longer need all that care. For Sue just how much is left. I need to think more but I already suspect that if Robert had not had an overriding desire to have children you would lost Sue to him then. Sue then tried with Paul initially to maintain your (after Robert) regained alpha role but still fuck Paul. We know how that turned out and Sue is making love with Paul now. I just need to go back and work out whether or not nine years of changes has been a subtle way of Sue disengaging from you. Sue constantly trying to get you to match the standards of her lovers consistently rather just on special days. But failing. Deeper understanding now? Or super pet?
My final thought here is to reappraise Sue's role in all this from the start. We have followed your analysis Steve, all the way without ever really hearing Sue's motivation for all these changes. We have what she has told you but I now suspect that has not been all. Your marriage started very much based on sex and sexual attraction. It added so much more including the care of two children who now no longer need all that care. For Sue just how much is left. I need to think more but I already suspect that if Robert had not had an overriding desire to have children you would lost Sue to him then. Sue then tried with Paul initially to maintain your (after Robert) regained alpha role but still fuck Paul. We know how that turned out and Sue is making love with Paul now. I just need to go back and work out whether or not nine years of changes has been a subtle way of Sue disengaging from you. Sue constantly trying to get you to match the standards of her lovers consistently rather just on special days. But failing. Deeper understanding now? Or super pet?
After these many years, I think I am finally seeing what could possibly be your future.
I was always somewhat perplexed by the way Sue seemed to react to you lately (the last several years). As told through your thread, she seemed at times to be harsh, somewhat humiliating (though always only to you, in private), yet loving. I mentioned early this year that she seemed to be willing to have sex with you bare, but it was not her ideal, and seemed to be a "mercy fuck". She always said she was available to you if you needed it, but it wouldn't be her choice, and she would do everything to lay a guilt trip on you and smile when you chose to use a condom. I at times thought she was using "the two steps forward, one step back" approach on you. I was also mystified by your always relating that she was happy your cum was not ending up in her pussy: it was either in a condom, or on your belly after a Wednesday night ritual, and eventually found it's way into your mouth.
I wondered what was Sue's motive? Could she despise you so much that she couldn't stand the thought of your cum in her pussy - but that didn't fit with her love for you. Was Sue playing with you psychologically, to enhance your 'Beta' feeling by "playing" as if she never wanted to have your cum in her pussy? Or is this really her feeling due to her new Alpha status, to your Beta status, and replacing you sexually with a better, more virile lover.
I finally believe it is the third. You have spent years getting to this point; encouraging Sue to take other men for lovers, and trying to make her understand it arouses you. You have handed Sue the reins, and allowed her to assume the Alpha role, as you yourself have told her you want to be the Beta role in your relationship. It took many years for Sue, wondering what you were doing, and going along yet trying not to hurt you in the process, but Sue now sees she has the best of all worlds. You have repeatedly told her you wanted her lover to be her primary sexual partner, and have told her how her denial of you arouses you, and makes you happiest.
Sue has you as a loving, supportive husband, and father to your children. You have good employment, provide shelter, food and clothing, and very good companionship. On top of that, you have allowed her to seek out and have lovers, several of which have been much better than yourself. She has your love and support, and yet can indulge her sexual urges to her hearts content, without any recriminations. And she has done quite well most of the time, with the last three major lovers, Frank, Robert, and now Paul, providing as much sex as she wants and can get. I remember her taking a five day trip to Atlantic city with Frank, and having enough sex that Frank came on average twice a day, and once three times in a day. Robert was well endowed, better than you if your reports are correct, and he could go two or more times in a day. Paul seems to go two or more times in a day, seems to have fucked her 8-10 times in a four-day golf weekend in SC, and has the stamina to go for several hours, with appropriate breaks, and as you reported yesterday, to "fuck the shit" out of Sue.
This isn't all bad though. As you yourself have repeatedly reported in your thread, and through your conversations with Sue, this mutual arrangement seems to arouse both you and Sue. You get great enjoyment thinking of what you have given up, and allowing Sue to give her pussy exclusively for Paul's use. Sue gets aroused that she is allowed to have sex with her lover, with her husband's permission, and the husband is turned on by being denied sex with his wife.
Sue has slowly upped the ante in this arrangement, first denying you for several weeks, then several months, at a time. Then she convinced you to use condoms, and has really only had bare sex with you less than 10 times in the past two years - and this arouses you. Sue has asked you repeatedly about the enjoyment you get with masturbation, encouraged you to masturbate as often as you want, as a subsitute for interacting with her sexually. Now Sue had you shaving your genitals knowing that it would make you self-concious of your pubescent look compared to Paul's manscaping, which has had the effect of making your genitals more sensitive, and yet you are less willing to let Paul see your shaved look, so you stay on the periphery of their sexual encounters, where Sue deems she wants you.
What does this all mean? I believe your future is as a Beta, to Sue's Alpha, and Sue's lover(s). Sue has stated that the dynamic has changed, that the two of you don't have the same "synch" anymore, and that is how she wants it. She has told you in subtle terms that she wishes you would accept your role, relax, and forego sex with her, with or without a condom, in the future. Sue will get all of her sexual satisfaction from her lovers. Paul is the current lover, and I honestly don't see that changing for a good long time. Sue may tire of Paul over the long haul, but I really see this going beyond next spring, slowing down only when the kids are around (summer), but going full blast while you are empty-nesters, until Paul does something that makes Sue back away and seek termination of their relationship. However, Sue will then hunt a new lover, and again will be looking for youth, stamina, and inventiveness, to satisfy her cravings.
You STB, will be relegated to masturbation as long as Sue has a lover. Only during those "between times" will Sue seek you out for sexual satisfaction, and only with a condom. You will only get Sue's pussy bare, if and only if Sue desires it (which as you admit, may be forever), or...if you decide to become the Alpha again to Sue. I don't see that happening. You just went through a family crisis, and you may have exhibited Alpha characteristics to help Sue, her mom and sisters through it, but I don't see you desiring to be the Alpha in your sexual relationship with Sue. Even if you decide to become the Alpha, I believe Sue will test you extensively, and in many ways.
Finally, I make one last suggestion... buy Paul a robe to use at your house. But don't just buy any robe (don't get a thin, plaid robe). Get a nice fluffy one, white with navy or red piping, or red, navy blue or even "royal purple" (to mark it's importance), with Paul's initials embroidered on the left breast of the robe. That way he isn't borrowing your robe, and it hangs in your bedroom to remind you of his presence in Sue and your relationship. You might present it to them (Sue and Paul) for Sue's birthday, or as an early Christmas present.
I was always somewhat perplexed by the way Sue seemed to react to you lately (the last several years). As told through your thread, she seemed at times to be harsh, somewhat humiliating (though always only to you, in private), yet loving. I mentioned early this year that she seemed to be willing to have sex with you bare, but it was not her ideal, and seemed to be a "mercy fuck". She always said she was available to you if you needed it, but it wouldn't be her choice, and she would do everything to lay a guilt trip on you and smile when you chose to use a condom. I at times thought she was using "the two steps forward, one step back" approach on you. I was also mystified by your always relating that she was happy your cum was not ending up in her pussy: it was either in a condom, or on your belly after a Wednesday night ritual, and eventually found it's way into your mouth.
I wondered what was Sue's motive? Could she despise you so much that she couldn't stand the thought of your cum in her pussy - but that didn't fit with her love for you. Was Sue playing with you psychologically, to enhance your 'Beta' feeling by "playing" as if she never wanted to have your cum in her pussy? Or is this really her feeling due to her new Alpha status, to your Beta status, and replacing you sexually with a better, more virile lover.
I finally believe it is the third. You have spent years getting to this point; encouraging Sue to take other men for lovers, and trying to make her understand it arouses you. You have handed Sue the reins, and allowed her to assume the Alpha role, as you yourself have told her you want to be the Beta role in your relationship. It took many years for Sue, wondering what you were doing, and going along yet trying not to hurt you in the process, but Sue now sees she has the best of all worlds. You have repeatedly told her you wanted her lover to be her primary sexual partner, and have told her how her denial of you arouses you, and makes you happiest.
Sue has you as a loving, supportive husband, and father to your children. You have good employment, provide shelter, food and clothing, and very good companionship. On top of that, you have allowed her to seek out and have lovers, several of which have been much better than yourself. She has your love and support, and yet can indulge her sexual urges to her hearts content, without any recriminations. And she has done quite well most of the time, with the last three major lovers, Frank, Robert, and now Paul, providing as much sex as she wants and can get. I remember her taking a five day trip to Atlantic city with Frank, and having enough sex that Frank came on average twice a day, and once three times in a day. Robert was well endowed, better than you if your reports are correct, and he could go two or more times in a day. Paul seems to go two or more times in a day, seems to have fucked her 8-10 times in a four-day golf weekend in SC, and has the stamina to go for several hours, with appropriate breaks, and as you reported yesterday, to "fuck the shit" out of Sue.
This isn't all bad though. As you yourself have repeatedly reported in your thread, and through your conversations with Sue, this mutual arrangement seems to arouse both you and Sue. You get great enjoyment thinking of what you have given up, and allowing Sue to give her pussy exclusively for Paul's use. Sue gets aroused that she is allowed to have sex with her lover, with her husband's permission, and the husband is turned on by being denied sex with his wife.
Sue has slowly upped the ante in this arrangement, first denying you for several weeks, then several months, at a time. Then she convinced you to use condoms, and has really only had bare sex with you less than 10 times in the past two years - and this arouses you. Sue has asked you repeatedly about the enjoyment you get with masturbation, encouraged you to masturbate as often as you want, as a subsitute for interacting with her sexually. Now Sue had you shaving your genitals knowing that it would make you self-concious of your pubescent look compared to Paul's manscaping, which has had the effect of making your genitals more sensitive, and yet you are less willing to let Paul see your shaved look, so you stay on the periphery of their sexual encounters, where Sue deems she wants you.
What does this all mean? I believe your future is as a Beta, to Sue's Alpha, and Sue's lover(s). Sue has stated that the dynamic has changed, that the two of you don't have the same "synch" anymore, and that is how she wants it. She has told you in subtle terms that she wishes you would accept your role, relax, and forego sex with her, with or without a condom, in the future. Sue will get all of her sexual satisfaction from her lovers. Paul is the current lover, and I honestly don't see that changing for a good long time. Sue may tire of Paul over the long haul, but I really see this going beyond next spring, slowing down only when the kids are around (summer), but going full blast while you are empty-nesters, until Paul does something that makes Sue back away and seek termination of their relationship. However, Sue will then hunt a new lover, and again will be looking for youth, stamina, and inventiveness, to satisfy her cravings.
You STB, will be relegated to masturbation as long as Sue has a lover. Only during those "between times" will Sue seek you out for sexual satisfaction, and only with a condom. You will only get Sue's pussy bare, if and only if Sue desires it (which as you admit, may be forever), or...if you decide to become the Alpha again to Sue. I don't see that happening. You just went through a family crisis, and you may have exhibited Alpha characteristics to help Sue, her mom and sisters through it, but I don't see you desiring to be the Alpha in your sexual relationship with Sue. Even if you decide to become the Alpha, I believe Sue will test you extensively, and in many ways.
Finally, I make one last suggestion... buy Paul a robe to use at your house. But don't just buy any robe (don't get a thin, plaid robe). Get a nice fluffy one, white with navy or red piping, or red, navy blue or even "royal purple" (to mark it's importance), with Paul's initials embroidered on the left breast of the robe. That way he isn't borrowing your robe, and it hangs in your bedroom to remind you of his presence in Sue and your relationship. You might present it to them (Sue and Paul) for Sue's birthday, or as an early Christmas present.
Bevw - maybe you're right, maybe it is time for a new thread as somehow I feel that after talking openly with her the other day, that I somehow don't feel as bad or as negative or as self-questioning as I had. I've now endured and yes, enjoyed 2 weekends where she's been with Paul as she wants to be. It is very strange to feel the physical desire to have sex with her but to also feel mentally that - yes - for right now - I can't explain it but I want to continue on our journey - or down the rabbit hole as others described.
i may not have conveyed it in how we talked and what we talked about the other night, but I think I finally felt and believed what she's been saying - that she's not going to love or want me any less now that I've found some new sexual desire even if it isn't a more masculine role. I can't explain it but I feel incredible arousal when I masturbate now - feeling my bareness and feeling my hardness - but somehow, and I can't fully explain it - I just don't want to fuck her. Looking at and feeling my cock - I can't find the words to say it other than it turns me on incredibly to yes, have given up sex with her and to experience what she is enjoying vicariously.
These past 2 nights with Paul here, yes, it's been difficult to fall asleep, but that is really all I am feeling in a negative way. I felt such a rush all over that was just the most pleasant arousing and contented feeling when I knew she was naked beneath her robe yesterday morning and she told me without even a second-thought that she was going to go back upstairs with Paul again. I so loved that he was going to undo her robe, removed it from her shoulders and that he was going to have her naked body to himself once again. I know that after he left, there was just a moment of awkwardness between Sue and I until I told her that he seemed like a nice guy and I liked that she'd enjoyed herself. She smiled broadly at me and then hugged me and told me she loved me.
Last night in bed we again snuggled. She let me put my hand around her body and let it rest on her breast and when I just gave it a gentle feel but that was all, she turned her head and kissed me and told me she loved me. We watched TV but at times my mind clearly drifted to the thought of her pussy now only being for him and the next thought I had was how aroused I was thinking about that.
I know this isn't going to make sense to a lot of people here but this seems to be working for us. And yes to Peak and others, I'll say it openly that it's me that's very likely to forego sex with her at the end of this month based on how I'm feeling right now. As she said, she wants this to be as real as possible and that if it's something I want to and am enjoying then that should be what I feel out of it. I don't know how to find the words to say how I felt - but this morning seeing her come out of the shower and stand there as she picked and then pulled on her panties - I just felt an overwhelming sense of arousal and awareness of her pussy - visible and then covered by the panties.
Let me run for now. But yes Bevw, maybe I should start a new thread as I seem to have found the courage and perspective to allow myself to want this to happen.
i may not have conveyed it in how we talked and what we talked about the other night, but I think I finally felt and believed what she's been saying - that she's not going to love or want me any less now that I've found some new sexual desire even if it isn't a more masculine role. I can't explain it but I feel incredible arousal when I masturbate now - feeling my bareness and feeling my hardness - but somehow, and I can't fully explain it - I just don't want to fuck her. Looking at and feeling my cock - I can't find the words to say it other than it turns me on incredibly to yes, have given up sex with her and to experience what she is enjoying vicariously.
These past 2 nights with Paul here, yes, it's been difficult to fall asleep, but that is really all I am feeling in a negative way. I felt such a rush all over that was just the most pleasant arousing and contented feeling when I knew she was naked beneath her robe yesterday morning and she told me without even a second-thought that she was going to go back upstairs with Paul again. I so loved that he was going to undo her robe, removed it from her shoulders and that he was going to have her naked body to himself once again. I know that after he left, there was just a moment of awkwardness between Sue and I until I told her that he seemed like a nice guy and I liked that she'd enjoyed herself. She smiled broadly at me and then hugged me and told me she loved me.
Last night in bed we again snuggled. She let me put my hand around her body and let it rest on her breast and when I just gave it a gentle feel but that was all, she turned her head and kissed me and told me she loved me. We watched TV but at times my mind clearly drifted to the thought of her pussy now only being for him and the next thought I had was how aroused I was thinking about that.
I know this isn't going to make sense to a lot of people here but this seems to be working for us. And yes to Peak and others, I'll say it openly that it's me that's very likely to forego sex with her at the end of this month based on how I'm feeling right now. As she said, she wants this to be as real as possible and that if it's something I want to and am enjoying then that should be what I feel out of it. I don't know how to find the words to say how I felt - but this morning seeing her come out of the shower and stand there as she picked and then pulled on her panties - I just felt an overwhelming sense of arousal and awareness of her pussy - visible and then covered by the panties.
Let me run for now. But yes Bevw, maybe I should start a new thread as I seem to have found the courage and perspective to allow myself to want this to happen.
- Status
