So - I'm not sure of exactly what I'm feeling this morning after the weekend. But what I can say is that I felt different about watching her/them. It was very erotic and eerie to watch knowing this time that I'm not going to participate at all. I'm not sure exactly how I am feeling, I will say that I wished I could have had sex with her yesterday, but at the same time, as I'll get to, we did share some moments that left me, so far, somewhat fulfilled. The thing I can say is that I know one of the differences in how I felt watching was that this time I knew it was something she truly wanted for herself right now and the strong feeling I had even while watching them was that maybe it's right to give her the room and time she wants to fulfill her desires.
Far2 - my god yes, the bedroom wreaked of sex when I went into her after Paul left yesterday morning. I'll be more specific, sure it smelled a little sweaty and yes, there was that sweet scent of her in the air, but when I pulled the covers back a bit, the pungent smell of what I know to be Paul's cum seemed to fill the room. She didn't need to tell me anything about what they'd done that I may have missed, I'm actually going to say that at the time, I didn't want to know.
It wasn't really till early yesterday evening when we really had time to sit and talk more. We talked in general terms at first, how did I feel and how had I felt during the night. I told her that I had watched some from the doorway and that I had been very turned on. She asked me pointedly "did you like it?" and I gave her an honest nod of yes. She smiled and I told her that it had turned me on to see her. She asked me why I didn't come in if I'd wanted to. I hesitated for a bit but then realized that if I can talk to her about everything else, that I should be able to talk to her about this too.
I told her (again) that I'd felt a little self-conscious about being shaved and she took my hand and she said she thought it might help me. I wasn't sure I understood what she meant so I asked her how and she was very calm and apparently very honest in return, she said that by what I just said that it did what she'd hoped and that was to make it easier for me to not be there with them. I know I just looked at her - I was surprised at how she'd thought this out but didn't tell her, at least not then. But she continued and she said that she thought it would be easier on me if I wasn't there and wasn't so close to them "as things get started" between them - and she also said that she thought it was better for her too and she told me how she'd felt different with him this time too. The conversation was happening quickly and before I could go back to what I'd already wanted to ask about now I had to ask how she felt different. She held my hand and she said something to the effect of it being the first time she'd believed that she'll be able to let herself go and do what she wanted and she looked at me and said that she loved having sex with him and "knowing I'm his for now". I merely groaned in response as she continued for a moment and told me how Saturday night had been very intense for her as she slept next to him knowing that she would be awakened before he left and how "I wanted it too". I told her that I'd been asleep by then but that their earlier fun had aroused me incredibly. She asked me if I'd "taken care of yourself" and I told her no and she smiled and said "oh yeah, I remember" when I said that I was getting horny again. I thought maybe she would share some more details but the conversation went a different way.
She asked me how I felt to be bare 'down there' and I told her that I was much more aware of my cock and how hard and I told her 'how big' it looks and she smiled and said that I do have a beautiful cock and she asked me if I liked how it felt and I told her that it was nice. I admitted that like she's said when she's bare that "it's just more sensitive" and that I enjoyed how it felt when I masturbate. She smiled and said that she had hoped it was going to help me enjoy my own pleasure now and that she'd noticed that I was touching myself more in addition to "just pulling on it". She asked me if I was going to keep it bare and I asked her if that was what she wanted. She was honest and she said that she liked it and then she asked me "what about how you'll feel around Paul?" and I told her that maybe I'd let it grow in a little bit on top so I'd feel less self-conscious. She smiled at me and said that would be nice too if it made me more comfortable but that she liked it "bare like me" too.
I thought maybe that was it and I wasn't sure what to say or think next until she said something that made me go back to the start of the conversation - she looked at me and said something like "besides, seeing you like that makes it easier for me to want Paul". I turned to look at her and she smiled and giggled and said that I may look big and she likes that but she also added that it also makes me look less masculine too - which fit with making it easier to want Paul. I was going to say something but she immediately added "it's just for now baby, it makes it easier for me.... okay?".
At that point I finally got to ask her where she was getting these ideas and how she knew or was thinking about this stuff and she just said "I've been doing some research and a lot of this made sense" she said she'd found a website (or is that pen-pal) that had a whole section of how to make "denying your husband more enjoyable for him" and she looked at me and said "remember baby, I told you I would try to make Wednesday's even more fun for us".
I guess it really started to sink in that she was very serious about wanting this with Paul and that it was also very for real that I wasn't going to be getting anything sexually from her unless she wanted it. I took her hand and I told her that I wanted her to fulfill whatever desire and need she felt and that I would give her the room and time as long as we stayed connected somehow. She smiled at me and said "I'd watch you later tonight if you want to?".
The evening got away from us but when we got into bed last night she rolled over towards me and hugged me and thanked me for being such a unique person to let her do what she was doing and she gave me a wonderful kiss and an unmistakeable hug that conveyed more than a thousand words. When she pulled back from me she smiled and said "I can feel it down there" and I just said "sorry, but I can't help it". That made her face explode into a huge smile followed by an even more passionate kiss. She whispered that "remember from earlier baby?.... I'd love to watch you if you still wanted to....". I eagerly started to stroke and a moment later she smiled at me and said "you can have a peek if you want to help you along" and with that she wriggled in bed next to me and slid her long-night-shirt up over her waist and she lay back and for the first time she smiled and said "you can look at Paul's pussy if you want to". I turned to look at there she was, lying back as she'd done beneath him and her pussy was still swollen and reddened (to me at least) and yes, still wet as I could see when she moved her fingers down there to gently rub at herself.
I must have been far hornier than I'd thought because as she dipped a finger and then two a few times into her vagina, I grunted and let go myself almost immediately. She laughed and said "oh my, you must have been turned on for sure baby".
