New Year, New Thread

[SoonToBe]

Well, we, or rather, she is on her way with Paul. She came home about 8pm last night as planned and we had a late dinner (just pasta, nothing special) but we talked before, during and after dinner during which she told me about her time with Paul, not in gory minute by minute details, but instead - at least it felt to me - like she were talking to a friend about it.

She told me how she'd seemed more aware of how sexy she felt when she got there and she said for the first time (I guess she'd stopped?) she went into his room and got changed right away and she teased me about how she left her panties on under his shirt at first. I can't explain how it was different but it was if she were more telling me what happened as opposed to sharing it with me in a way.

We sat on the couch in the living room after dinner which was when she told me (again) how horny she was for him and how she had really started to begin to let the new reality of our relationship sink in. "I'm still very wet down there" she announced to me when there was a short lull in the conversation and I sort of gulped and she giggled and said "It feels good sitting like this right now" (with her feet under her and to the side). She just said it, I guess like she might have said it to a roommate or girlfriend. I told her it made me horny to hear that and she giggled and then said "when we go upstairs in a little bit you can see for yourself".

She stood there by the bed and I wasn't sure what she was going to let or want me to do. She took her top off and slid off her pants leaving her in just a bra and panties. As she unclasped her bra she said "you can take my panties off if you want" and as I reached out for them she added as she looked down at me "you can look honey.... but you know.... don't touch too much" and she giggled. I stopped for a moment with my hands on her panties as I looked up at her and she said something to the effect of that I "knew it would be like this" and that "it's the first time" and that "soon, but lets get this into more of a thing first". I guess I had a look in my eye and she said "oh, okay...." and she giggled and said "take them off and you can take a little lick if that's what you really want".

I will say that it felt like something totally new again as I sat at the edge of the bed and began to slide her panties down. I so had that "first-date" feeling again of not knowing what I was going to find as I slid them off all the way. Her bare hips appeared first then the bare top where her pubes would have been. I felt my cock start to throb when the hood and then her still swollen clit and labia appeared. It was still a little swollen as I slid them down further and as she spread her legs and then stepped out of her panties, the lips separated and revealed what I already recognized as her used pussy.

She lay back on the bed and let me see everything. Most of his cum was visibly soaked into her panties but as she spread her legs for me (yes, for me, that felt good) I could see she was still wet and I don't necessarily recall anything for the next moment after that as I just found myself staring at her pussy again only this time, I knew it felt different to me. The next thing I remember is feeling her hand on my forehead and hearing her say "like it used to be... just stay on the outside honey".

It seemed like everythign was magnified - I swear the entire room smelled like sex and cum right then as I leaned forward to get closer. She let me put my hands on her upper thighs and push her further apart and even though there wasn't a flood of cum, when I leaned in and took my first lick of the outside of her pussy, the taste of Pauls cum was unmistakeable.

She held my forehead back and after just a few moments of licking all around, when she felt my tongue probe in too much, she pushed me away fully and said "that's all baby, let me enjoy it". I sat back on my feet on the bed as she slid up against the headboard and smiled and said "we talked about this baby.... I know it's not easy for you....." and as she pulled her night-shirt on and hiked her butt up to pull it down lower when she sat back down she put her arms out and motioned for me to come for a hug and a kiss. As we kissed she whispered in my ear "if you need to take care of yourself baby, that's okay... you know... now or later.... if you need to".

I resisted the urge and instead, it'll sound crazy but we spooned up at that point and turned the TV on and cuddled in. Yes, she felt my hard cock against her back and she even put her hand on it and said "are you sure baby?" to which I pulled and hugged her closer and said "it's okay baby, it feels good to be horny around you". Even without seeing her face, I could see the smile from how she felt against me.

 

[far2easy]

What a nice transition for you both. A little guve and take! It sounds like you enjoyed it, this is going to be great for you once all of your anxiety levels out and you take comfort in being her beta, let go of your need of penetration and get comfortable with your sex being masturbation. Do you think she wants you to masturbate not just to relieve you but that she sees it as your "new" sexual refonnection? Thet might be a great thing actually!

 

[SquirmingSub]

Maybe she will dip a finger in her pussy for you to taste? Betcha you'd love that

Far - I must say that your suggestion of possibility would be a creative tease. It would give Steve a taste that he may indeed enjoy...

 

[SoonToBe]

Squirm - I think your post crossed with Far2's.

Far2 - I'm not sure of just where she's going or what she's thinking. Like this morning. On the one hand she didn't seem to mind me peeking at her or seeing her naked before her shower but afterwards she was coy and pulled on her panties much sooner than usual and proceeded to wear them while she was in front of the mirror with her make-up and such where she's usually naked doing that. She didn't say anything and neither did I but I am hard and horny now in general.
Whether that's what she views as how we'll remain "connected" somewhat sexually isn't something I can tell yet. What I can tell you is that I felt very different lying next to her like that both while and after my hardon faded a bit. In one way I so wanted to put my hands on her breasts and to pull her close and nuzzle and kiss her neck and shoulders, but I also knew that she didn't want that last night - and that likely that was probably more than she'd want in general. She rolled over and fell asleep again before me and I again lay there next to her with the most intense feelings - horny and yet somehow I have to say that it almost felt good to, in a way, know she didn't want me and that if I was horny that I was free to relieve myself.

 

[SoonToBe]

So - what I didn't share that has also been on my mind since Monday is the continuing of trying to sort out my feelings about Monday.
The first thing that I just have to share and say is that it was perhaps the most intense orgasm I've felt in a long long time and the closeness and intimacy that we shared in building to it will not be something easily forgotten. I can still remember some of these thoughts and feelings quite vividly and some were refreshed/reinforced last night too.

There was a feeling of almost electricity between us. I can't describe it exactly but it was incredibly exciting even if it did have this sense of foreboding attached too. I know that I felt almost in awe of her when I was done and we were lying there while I was still inside her. The thought of her only squeezing Paul's cock as she'd done mine was and is still consuming me.

What I'm not sure I can explain fully was the definite desire to do it and the feeling associated with it is still something that both surprises me and scares me. In the end - when we were fucking - I have to say that a part of me was truly excited and eager to let it happen - to feel the intensity of the moment knowing what it meant and in the end, to not try to hold back and make it last just a bit longer, but instead to plunge back into her as firmly as I could and to fully experience what I knew might be the last orgasm we might share that way. And even that thought for as crazy and scary as it sounds, was a huge turn-on for me that night as it still, strangely, is right now.

That is perhaps the feeling that I hadn't expected and what I think in my head is convincing me that I truly do want the beta lifestyle is that even now while I do miss fucking her - at the same time, it feels strange to say it but it's true - a huge part of me doesn't want to and can even appreciate not doing so. I can't explain it but after last night, I think I feel more comfortable that there will be an acceptable level of closeness between us that it's making me actually think that this is what I wanted too - to feel the desire for her but not be able to satisfy it.

I don't know that it all makes sense to me yet, I believe I am going to surely feel more of the downer issues as the weekend comes to play out. The last she told me (which could change tonight) was that he would be coming over either late tomorrow (Saturday) or again, later on Sunday but he will not be spending the night, "not yet..... but soon...." as she put it.

 

[far2easy]

I wonder if she will welcome you to watch as much as she did in the past? Although listening may be more intense! Have you discussed sleeping in the spare room as Paul spends more time between her legs in your bed?

 

[SoonToBe]

Far2 - I think there may have only been once or twice that I've actually slept in the same bed or room as them when he's here at our house so I have no illusions of spending the night with them. I have always stayed in our office/guest-room which is close enough to hear them through the vents in the house. I expect no change to this in the future. As far as how often/much I'll be "allowed" to watch, most of the time neither of them mind me watching from the doorway, but I also know there are times when she wants her privacy. But a part of me is also thinking that this too may ease up as I know she's been reluctant to let me see the full level of intimacy they share at times as she knows I've been kind of sensitive to their post-coital embrace and kissing/closeness.

 

[far2easy]

I initially thought that there wasn't any need to let Paul in on the why, but if he knew the whole story, maybe watching would become much more comfortable for them both as they progress. I admire your self reflection and resolve to let her enjoy this adventure; I do see this becoming something that you all enjoy so much that it continues much longer into the future and frankly, why not!

 

[SoonToBe]

LOL - you can tell it's a slow Friday for me here....

Far2 - yes, I've been thinking that if I could somehow become comfortable enough to let Paul know about my beta-desires more fully without feeling so darn self-conscious about it all, that it might change the dynamics between all of us. Of course, I'll probably let Sue decide on this course of action too to see if it makes sense to her or if she'd rather me not.

 

[peakmb]

Steve,
You actually seem all over the place at the moment. A little to frantic and wanting to decide/know too much too soon. Relax. It's early doors yet. Let the process start before trying to influence it. Let Sue decide based on how it's going between her and Paul, most of which you might not even see. Relax into your place. Which is the beta. In the background. Seen sometimes and heard less. It's a marathon not a sprint and like all long races you can't win it at the beginning but you can lose it. You say you want to be the beta but some of your thoughts crave control or at least equality and that's a bit too alpha. It may take time for you to get your head in balance with your position. What a life you have!

 

[SquirmingSub]

Steve - It is great to read all your post, how your feelings, the emotions, the self-reflections and ideas for the future. I would agree with Peak that you also need to take some time in all this to relax a bit for attempting to influence anything between the three of you. As Peak said, "It's a marathon not a sprint and like all long races you can't win it at the beginning but you can lose it.". Embrace your beta side, self-reflect and when you and Sue are both ready, sit down and discuss your feelings, your thoughts and allow her to decide how much you two will share with Paul about your beta desires. Remember you can not be a true beta if you are still trying to influence in a way that resembles a alpha behavior by topping from the bottom.

 

[SoonToBe]

I am finding myself in front of the computer most evenings now before bed. I suspect she knows this is when I clear my head before bed (well, and maybe take care of business). It is very erotic right now to see her trying to be more nonchalant about things in general but at the same time showing a bit of modesty regarding letting me see her. She did let me watch her undress but she almost immediately pulled on her night-shirt. I don't think it was intended to shun me, I actually don't think she even knew (or cared?) that I saw her.

I guess to share what I'm feeling. It's (still) very exciting but I also know this will be the first weekend when I will truly feel the loss of being with her. I don't think it's truly settled in yet and as Peak says, I'm all over the place. Right now the idea that the place between her legs is no longer for me is incredibly arousing, but it's arousing in a deeper more intense sort of way than just seeing a porn video or reading a story. But then again I am sure my view is colored by the fact that I like her fucking Paul and Robert before that and before that and before that.

Peak I do understand not to rush things so it's going to be interesting to see how Sunday turns out when he comes over for a while, to see if even anything is different or to see what she has in mind. I'm quite sure we'll be talking more tomorrow.

Squrim - yes I do understand about letting things develop in their own regarding what she wants to tell Paul too, I'm not going to push or try to force a conversation about it if she's not ready so again, my thought is we'll likekly talk about this and more with the house to ourselves tomorrow. And yes, your comment about topping from the bottom is something I've been guilty of in the past so I'll try to leave the driving to her in this case.

Anyway - goodnight all.

 

[SoonToBe]

Folks we have had a bit of a family tragedy going on here
Early yesterday morning we got a call that woke us up from sleeping and it was her sister who said their father had either taken a fall or had something happen when he was up at night that made him fall either way he is in the hospital and they aren't sure he will pull through or if there's been more damage from another stroke
Our kids are both home since yesterday evening to see him in the hospital perhaps one last time He wasn't conscious when I was there but Sue said she thought she saw some signs of him still being there (I'm not so sure)
So until this all pans out we are on hold here
Reality sucks

 

[peakmb]

Steve,
It does indeed. It looks like it may be a few weeks before things settle either way for you all and maybe some time after that before Sue is over her father if he passes. The last time she faced this sort of crisis she took herself off to Paul's place for some serious stress relief which at first upset you then you understood it for what it was. Relief from the pressure. It may happen again so watch for it and maybe even suggest it if you see the signs. Sue's 'reconnect' in late October may then become something of a restart to you previous plan. Whatever, as ever, real life and families take priority...

 

[dana007]

Steve
Hope everything is alright, with her dad. and wish you all well.
keep us all posted.

 

[SquirmingSub]

Steve,

Health issues with family members is never good especially as we all mature in age. Hopeful Sue's dad recovers.

 

[dutch12]

Very sorry to read Sue's father, your father in law, your kids grandfather's condition has dramatically changed.
I think the emotional bond between you and Sue is so strong that it's YOU where she will find solace and relief of pressure and not with Paul, as Peak wrote. This is an intimate family matter where, in my opinion, is only a modest role for any lover.
Wish you all the strength you'll be needing coming days/time.

 

[SoonToBe]

Well he was moved to ICU and downgraded so it's not a pretty scene it was good our kids saw him even if he couldn't respond before she said "he'said full of tubes now"

On top of it all Paul showed up this afternoon as Sue hadn't told him otherwise Good thing it was just me home then so we talked for a few mins before he left and he said he'd call Sue later He's a good guy

 

[wingman]

Sorry to hear about your FIL. Our thoughts and hopes will be with you and Sue.

 

[tegelad]

Best wishes to your family and hopefully a painless and fast reccovery.