Steve,
Beware the siren voices. This recent talk of Sue’s ‘submissiveness’ does not seem to be evidence based. It’s usually Harry that does the back catalog research but just for once ...
First, I have to say that you don’t seem to be yourself leading up to and after Sue’s weekend away. You were very nervous and hesitant before, prompting many “but what about the catch up / make it up to you” type comments from Sue. The last one being just before she went away and your “You’ll owe me”. Has she paid her debt fully yet by the way? 14x? Have you yet analysed the cause of your unease?
You and Sue say again and again that she gets little out of denying you. Here, Sue started in very small steps in order to accommodate your desires, not hers and she still does. It may even be that one of the tears she almost shed last week was because you confirmed how much it turns you to masturbate while she spends time with her lover. Preferring your hand to her. Not in those words but with that effect. She is now starting to see the option of a win / win where she denies you further and she sees more of another lover. This is where Will sees himself as the dom. Fat chance Will. I don’t see any ‘dom’ type lover, nor any evidence Sue wants one. I do see an inventive and skilful lover who will take her where she might not have been and experience things she likes but leading, not dominating. Divining and providing what Sue wants, not forcing it. Don tried the latter and crashed and burned.
Sue has just developed the courage to fly by herself. To experience what she wants, not someone else. Logically she has searched though her own life experiences to tap into the good bits. Going away with a lover for great sex, whether she currently had a different boyfriend or not, was part of this. Risking that freedom on a crass, dominating individual surely won’t figure in her game plan. Taking a younger, virile, relationship free lover might fit the bill better.
As a lover, Frank is probably a dead man walking. He’s comfortable, and good for once a week and the occasional outing but the fire is gone. Did you ever ask him why he hasn’t appeared to make more effort to get another girlfriend? His other friends must be wondering even more why he hasn’t. How long does Sue think he will stay in the picture? One thing Frank does do (allegedly) though is deny himself in order to satisfy Sue so well on Thursday. No wasted seed there. Got to count for something with a woman that.
Sue has spent the last few years working with you to allow you exactly what you want. If you think of that as submission by you it is very much topping from the bottom. Part of your unease at the moment maybe is that you may now see that you might have to do some of this for her. Her worries of the past become yours.
One solution seems to be staring you in the face. You know that you can occasionally play the ‘dom’ with Sue. Can she accept this for one month in three, a sustained period where she ‘obeys’, follows your lead in new areas (read her stories), much as she did in your weekend away and the weekend two weeks before she went away. Perhaps another month, she now gets to lead, denying you totally and taking her (new?) lover as much as she can get away. Then another month in a balanced catch up to normality. The times don’t have to be equal. However, I do think you have to re-establish yourself though as lover material, unless you really do want to be increasingly marginalised.
You have both evolved together to get where you are by communicating so well. This has eased the pressures of growing apart or at different paces from time to time. There are still no guarantees for the future but I’ll bet on the both of you just the same.
Beware the siren voices. This recent talk of Sue’s ‘submissiveness’ does not seem to be evidence based. It’s usually Harry that does the back catalog research but just for once ...
First, I have to say that you don’t seem to be yourself leading up to and after Sue’s weekend away. You were very nervous and hesitant before, prompting many “but what about the catch up / make it up to you” type comments from Sue. The last one being just before she went away and your “You’ll owe me”. Has she paid her debt fully yet by the way? 14x? Have you yet analysed the cause of your unease?
You and Sue say again and again that she gets little out of denying you. Here, Sue started in very small steps in order to accommodate your desires, not hers and she still does. It may even be that one of the tears she almost shed last week was because you confirmed how much it turns you to masturbate while she spends time with her lover. Preferring your hand to her. Not in those words but with that effect. She is now starting to see the option of a win / win where she denies you further and she sees more of another lover. This is where Will sees himself as the dom. Fat chance Will. I don’t see any ‘dom’ type lover, nor any evidence Sue wants one. I do see an inventive and skilful lover who will take her where she might not have been and experience things she likes but leading, not dominating. Divining and providing what Sue wants, not forcing it. Don tried the latter and crashed and burned.
Sue has just developed the courage to fly by herself. To experience what she wants, not someone else. Logically she has searched though her own life experiences to tap into the good bits. Going away with a lover for great sex, whether she currently had a different boyfriend or not, was part of this. Risking that freedom on a crass, dominating individual surely won’t figure in her game plan. Taking a younger, virile, relationship free lover might fit the bill better.
As a lover, Frank is probably a dead man walking. He’s comfortable, and good for once a week and the occasional outing but the fire is gone. Did you ever ask him why he hasn’t appeared to make more effort to get another girlfriend? His other friends must be wondering even more why he hasn’t. How long does Sue think he will stay in the picture? One thing Frank does do (allegedly) though is deny himself in order to satisfy Sue so well on Thursday. No wasted seed there. Got to count for something with a woman that.
Sue has spent the last few years working with you to allow you exactly what you want. If you think of that as submission by you it is very much topping from the bottom. Part of your unease at the moment maybe is that you may now see that you might have to do some of this for her. Her worries of the past become yours.
One solution seems to be staring you in the face. You know that you can occasionally play the ‘dom’ with Sue. Can she accept this for one month in three, a sustained period where she ‘obeys’, follows your lead in new areas (read her stories), much as she did in your weekend away and the weekend two weeks before she went away. Perhaps another month, she now gets to lead, denying you totally and taking her (new?) lover as much as she can get away. Then another month in a balanced catch up to normality. The times don’t have to be equal. However, I do think you have to re-establish yourself though as lover material, unless you really do want to be increasingly marginalised.
You have both evolved together to get where you are by communicating so well. This has eased the pressures of growing apart or at different paces from time to time. There are still no guarantees for the future but I’ll bet on the both of you just the same.
