Finally had some time taking a break from yard-work while Sue is off at Costco shopping.
Before posting what's gone on in the last few days, I wanted to answer Manon and Golfman. For Manon - I don't plan on applying any pressure to her or trying to sway things. As I'll recap below, she feels she's "making progress" and getting back in touch with herself and as she said it, "my own self-confidence". I don't expect things to have resolved themselves in just 3 more weeks - our daughter is due home sometime the week of the 24th and our son that following weekend. We began talking about what-if's and such and i'll just say that it's a work in progress. I do recognize that we're now 8 years into this (really 18 if you count all the time working towards it) so I don't expect that if this is the rationalization point she's come to, that it'll resolve itself in a fixed timeframe.
Golfman - my admission to wanting to be the beta was, I think, the outcome of several desires of mine. I did want to see her allow herself to experience a boyfriend more fully and in a way, I'd hoped it would lead to a bit more subservient role sexually with her, yes,with her hopefully instructing me to clean her or to not-have-her before her dates. I also hoped it would give her an increased self-confidence that I saw budding at times but never seemed to come-forth. I knew condoms would be the fare as part of the beta-role, she knew I would accept that after the time with Robert where I found I didn't mind them. I knew that more denial was a possibility but thought it wouldn't be as rigid or as extreme as she has wanted. I knew that taking the beta-role and telling her that I wanted to do so might let her either take more control in general, or feel she could let her boyfriend do so. I wasn't sure how you were asking your last question - whether you were suggesting that she is adopting this full-denial because she thinks I want it.
What she has said to me now twice since Thursday night is that she likes how she feels that she doesn't have to have sex with me to share herself with me and she's continued to say that she wants to be the one to want to have sex and to not feel like she "has to" do it. She's said that these last 2 times coming home after being with Paul and being very open with me sexually but also not allowing me to touch her sexually - that she thinks it is helping her to really feel that I can see her, be horny for her and for her to know that unless she wants it with me, that she doesn't have to do it. She looked at me and said "I haven't felt this since before we had kids". I told her that I wish she'd have said something all this time but she genuinely doesn't blame me and says that "it's not you, it's me" and that not having any contact with me is helping her. The thing is, she sounds so open and honest, there's even almost a tear in her eye at times, it's hard to not believe that this is how she's feeling.
When we got in bed on Thursday night I found myself so almost hypnotized by seeing her undress in front of me knowing I hadn't seen her in over 2 days and that she'd been naked with him in that time just as she stood there in front of me. Her breasts had "almost hickies" on them in several places and she told me she'd yelled at him to only do it on the bottom of her breasts so the marks wouldn't show in an open-neck top. She proceeded to pull her breasts upwards and showed me where he had in fact left some marks. I told her that was a first and she giggled that she'd "told him to do that so you'd find them later" only she still hasn't told him that all I am doing it looking at them!
I could not take my eyes off of her. Knowing she'd spent the last 2 nights and 2 mornings with him had me so horny that I could barely get my boxers off over my hard-on. And she again moaned softly when she saw my hard cock and said again how it turned her on that "I haven't felt you in so long now" and then said how excited she was at thinking how fun it's going to be to rediscover each other. She didn't say when nor did I ask.
She climbed on the bed with me and began to telll me how free she felt being at Pauls and how "the only thing that mattered was him fucking me". She told me to stroke my cock while she would talk to me. She asked me if I"d "taken care of myself while she was gone" and I told her that I'd done so both nights. Just the way she moaned I knew it turned her on that I'd done so especially when I told her that I was thinking about her at the time.
She taunted me a bit about how horny she felt when she went back to his place after work on Wednesday knowing she was spending the night with him again and she told me how she had just his dress-shirt on (she knows that turns me on) while they got dinner ready and then ate. I moaned and she asked me what I was thinking and I told her that it turned me on that was what she wore as she had dinner with him and I remember looking at her lying on one side next to me and I looked at her breasts and it so turned me on that he would have had a sexy view of them as he ate opposite her.
Of course at some point she spread her legs and even told me to "look down there..... remember how it felt?......" - actually several times and I think she knew from my response each time that it turned me on more and more. She told me how she would let him lick her as long as he wanted when she knew she didn't have to get ready quickly and run home afterwards and it gave me the craziest intense sexual thrill to hear her tell me how "good he is licking me down there now baby", that he knows her body now so well - inside and out!
She didn't really recap every moment of what they did but she did flaunt her body at me including again standing over me dangling her breasts above me and telling me how she likes to let Paul suck and nibble at them while she rides him. I didn't need to ask because she told me several times both Thursday night as well as last night and today how much they fucked and how much he came in her. And I will say openly here that as she taunted me lying next to me with one leg out straight and the other bent at the knee showing me her still reddened and slightly swollen and, as I soon came to see, still wet inside - that as she whispered that "it's been 4 months since you came in me last baby" that I let loose with a veritable geyser of cum! She groaned at seeing me spurt away and even commented if I was "sure I'd done it right the last 2 nights". I won't say that she came herself but that she surely did moan and look flushed and reddened all over when I did finally catch my breath and look over at her.
I counted at least 5 long streaks of cum on my chest and a puddle where the rest had driibbled out. And maybe I just noticed it more but she had a distinct look of arousal in her eyes as she leaned over towards me and began her usual routine of playing with my semen and then feeding it to me.
The only thing we've talked about for the summer is that she said that she can work some extra time on some days and then leave early on others. But she' also said "I have every intention of seeing him somehow twice a week even when the kids are home" and she looked at me and said that "You'll know when I'm past my issues when that changes" and before she would let me say a thing she added "I am so lucky, I love you" and she leaned over and hugged me - yes - she pressed her bare breasts against my chest and my god did she feel so good but all I did was hug her and she had a deep smile on her face as we moved apart a moment later.
We went out to dinner and got home late last night but she's already looked at me and said that she wants to have some fun tonight together with me. So I"m excited about that.
