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The first time for us.
- Thread starterThe Grinch
- Start date
What the hell is that supposed to mean? Hey, here is a guy trying to talk to his wife, have some understanding of how she feels and how he feels, set some ground rules and limits and you call him a name? BTW, if you're going to call someone an "A@*hole," the proper indefinite article (or whatever the hell it's called) is "an." You always use "an" before a word beginning with a vowel. For your comment, I suggest, sir, that you are an ............
Grinch, I don't know what to say. If she has feelings for the guy that can't be set aside and you need them set aside, the outcome is not going to be happy. At some point she has to choose between her marriage and her passions or feelings. It should be a no-brainer, but, I guess in her case, it's not.
And, if you try to suppress your own feelings and allow her to have what she wants, you'll never be happy. That unhappiness will grow like a cancer on your marriage.
My heart goes out to you. I suggest, though, at a minimum, you try professional counseling. It make take that to make her see what really is important in life.
Good luck.
You two are not talking WITH each other, but rather TO each other.
"Probably the last time" means the same thing as when you ask your parents if you can have something. "Maybe", "we'll see" might as well be "not a snowball's chance in hell, kid".
After all that happenned, for her to leave to spend the weekend with him is her way of saying "my way or the highway".
You know they are spending the time deciding how to remove one person from this 3 way and it isn't him or her.
Sorry
"Probably the last time" means the same thing as when you ask your parents if you can have something. "Maybe", "we'll see" might as well be "not a snowball's chance in hell, kid".
After all that happenned, for her to leave to spend the weekend with him is her way of saying "my way or the highway".
You know they are spending the time deciding how to remove one person from this 3 way and it isn't him or her.
Sorry
Goodluck,remember we are here and will help you out if we can. If she is saying "Probably the last time" means thats what I am saying to get out of the house for the weekend without fighting. If she come back after the weekend you neeed to put your foot down. If she really loves YOU than she will not abject to not seeing anyone till things are worked out or not see anyone period if thats what you decide on. In my relationship we have vito either of us can call it. And I love my husband too death and would give up anything for him. I would step in front of a oncoming car to save his life. Would she do the same for you or would she do the same only for her lover? If she choise the lover than why did she marry you and not him. What was her motive to string you along all these years. Seems really unfair. Just rememeber their are plenty of fish in the sea and maybe she wasn't your lobster.Goodluck and keep us posted I hope it works out for you both.
Forgive me, Grinch, I am confused about one thing. Earlier, you said that she said that what shocked you was that she was basically (forgive me) a fuck toy for a bunch of horny guys. That she was getting used and abused and you thought it was supposed to be about the affection she felt for her lover.
Well, now, she's kind of saying, it did get out of hand, but, she does have affection for this guy. So, now, you say, well, you have to end it with this guy and I'm not sure why. Is it because he, in your opinion, abuses her? Or, is it because she has feelings for him and won't leave him?
I guess the question is what is it you want from her? Your earlier posts said you wanted her to have affection for this guy and for it not just to be about sex. Now, it seems you're saying, well, if it was just about sex (not gang banging) it'd be OK, but she has feelings for him (and a history) and that's not OK.
My suggestion is figure out exactly what you want and why you want it. If this is painful for you and she won't end it (and ease your pain), well, then kick her to the fucking curb (figuratively speaking).
Well, now, she's kind of saying, it did get out of hand, but, she does have affection for this guy. So, now, you say, well, you have to end it with this guy and I'm not sure why. Is it because he, in your opinion, abuses her? Or, is it because she has feelings for him and won't leave him?
I guess the question is what is it you want from her? Your earlier posts said you wanted her to have affection for this guy and for it not just to be about sex. Now, it seems you're saying, well, if it was just about sex (not gang banging) it'd be OK, but she has feelings for him (and a history) and that's not OK.
My suggestion is figure out exactly what you want and why you want it. If this is painful for you and she won't end it (and ease your pain), well, then kick her to the fucking curb (figuratively speaking).
"I dont want my wife to develop an serious emotional attachment to her lovers.
It is one thing to "love" someone, but not "be in love".
I know I am splitting hairs here, but at this point it is needed."
You are wanting to write a script and this lifestyle, or life in general, doesn't work that way. You either need to let it go, or let her go.
It is one thing to "love" someone, but not "be in love".
I know I am splitting hairs here, but at this point it is needed."
You are wanting to write a script and this lifestyle, or life in general, doesn't work that way. You either need to let it go, or let her go.
Grinch, if I am reading between the lines of your post correctly, it sounds like you and your wife have talked some more, and that she has basically told you:
a) She is not willing to leave her lover in order to protect and preserve her marriage to you, and
b) She is willing to leave you, in order to protect and preserve her relationship with him.
If that is indeed the case, then I am going to repeat my earlier advice to get out now, while you still have what's left of your sanity.
My wife may have less sex with me than she does with any of the men (and a few of the women) in her life, and the amount of penetrative sex she has with me may (she says 'will') one day go to zero, but if I ever lost the sense that I was the most important man in her life, I would be gone tomorrow.
In your case, based on some of the things you've written previously (your wife asking her lover's permission to marry you, and her lying to you about the last time she supposedly broke up with him) it does not sound as if you've ever been the most important man in your wife's life.
a) She is not willing to leave her lover in order to protect and preserve her marriage to you, and
b) She is willing to leave you, in order to protect and preserve her relationship with him.
If that is indeed the case, then I am going to repeat my earlier advice to get out now, while you still have what's left of your sanity.
My wife may have less sex with me than she does with any of the men (and a few of the women) in her life, and the amount of penetrative sex she has with me may (she says 'will') one day go to zero, but if I ever lost the sense that I was the most important man in her life, I would be gone tomorrow.
In your case, based on some of the things you've written previously (your wife asking her lover's permission to marry you, and her lying to you about the last time she supposedly broke up with him) it does not sound as if you've ever been the most important man in your wife's life.
"I dont want my wife to develop an serious emotional attachment to her lovers."
--If she had to ask her lover for permision first to marry you, why didn't she just marry him? Her feelings seem to be stronger for him than for you as if she is using you for maybe someone whom pays the bills buys her stuff,but from what you said he does that as well.
"It is one thing to "love" someone, but not "be in love"."
---It sounds like she loves you but she is in love with him after all last weekend you left her with him and she stay with him and came back for a few days than said I am going to spend the weekend with him. If she was in love with you and wanted to show her marriage was the most important thing in her life,she should have stayed home. If she was breaking it off with him spending the weekend wouldn't be it.-----
"I know I am splitting hairs here, but at this point it is needed.
On the other hand, I dont want her to be "used and abused" as a piece of meat.
It comes down to RESPECT.
I want her to respect herself, and her lovers to respect her as well."
---Sorry but when it comes to a room full of guy fucking her that have nothing to do with dating your wife,you are used like a piece of meat. I have had a few gang bangs and it is pretty intence but not for once was CIP thinking 'Oh no there not making love with her they are just fucking the slut." Thats exactly what we got out of it. Pleasure from all. I wasn't there to cuddle and I don't cuddle with other guys I mearly use them for their cocks. If they can perform great if not I won't ask them again.----
"But, that being said, I am faced with the fact that I may not have any input into this at all."
---As her husband if she is really in love with you you do have a choice you do have imput. If she is not really in love with you cut your losses now before you loose it all. She should be supporting you not through you to the curb when she wants to be with him which seems to happen often.-----
"My choices are to shut up and go along, or face losing her all together."
-----What are you really loosing here. Someone whom doesn't support you at all,walks out to be with him when things are rough between you two. -----
"At this point, the wounds are too deep and too recent to make any sudden movements."
----I agree but if you want this too work between you two you need to put your foot down now. No more sexing others till your issues are resolve and if she really love you she will let him go.------
--If she had to ask her lover for permision first to marry you, why didn't she just marry him? Her feelings seem to be stronger for him than for you as if she is using you for maybe someone whom pays the bills buys her stuff,but from what you said he does that as well.
"It is one thing to "love" someone, but not "be in love"."
---It sounds like she loves you but she is in love with him after all last weekend you left her with him and she stay with him and came back for a few days than said I am going to spend the weekend with him. If she was in love with you and wanted to show her marriage was the most important thing in her life,she should have stayed home. If she was breaking it off with him spending the weekend wouldn't be it.-----
"I know I am splitting hairs here, but at this point it is needed.
On the other hand, I dont want her to be "used and abused" as a piece of meat.
It comes down to RESPECT.
I want her to respect herself, and her lovers to respect her as well."
---Sorry but when it comes to a room full of guy fucking her that have nothing to do with dating your wife,you are used like a piece of meat. I have had a few gang bangs and it is pretty intence but not for once was CIP thinking 'Oh no there not making love with her they are just fucking the slut." Thats exactly what we got out of it. Pleasure from all. I wasn't there to cuddle and I don't cuddle with other guys I mearly use them for their cocks. If they can perform great if not I won't ask them again.----
"But, that being said, I am faced with the fact that I may not have any input into this at all."
---As her husband if she is really in love with you you do have a choice you do have imput. If she is not really in love with you cut your losses now before you loose it all. She should be supporting you not through you to the curb when she wants to be with him which seems to happen often.-----
"My choices are to shut up and go along, or face losing her all together."
-----What are you really loosing here. Someone whom doesn't support you at all,walks out to be with him when things are rough between you two. -----
"At this point, the wounds are too deep and too recent to make any sudden movements."
----I agree but if you want this too work between you two you need to put your foot down now. No more sexing others till your issues are resolve and if she really love you she will let him go.------
I think you need to read his post cause if you did then you would know he didn't push her into this lifestyle she was already in it way before he came around.She lead him on to beleive that she loves him when infact it seems she loves the lover more. But the problem is he is not ready for the lifestyle nor her as they can't seperate love from sex.
tj_hooker said:
