honesty....
pbjenni said:
Thank you for your post, Learning. Your candid response, along with the other posts I have read from you and your DG, are providing new insights for me. I am truly in awe of the mindful and clearly well developed nature of your relationship.
I'm starting to gain a new understanding of my fantasies and desires. The level of discussion that you and DG provide are helping me to find clarity. I've been an independent businessman all of my life in a very alpha profession, yet, looking back, I too see that an underlying submissive part of my nature has been manifesting itself in various ways. Importantly for me, I am understanding more clearly each day that my sexual urges toward submission are only a piece of the larger totality of my nature. Your posts have helped me grasp the larger implications and significance of these desires in my marriage and partnership with my own Goddess.
While my wife certainly has some awareness of this, at least on some level, and we have developed, to a certain extent, understandings of her natural dominance over me, it has been in rather small, exploratory ways. I sense in her the capacity to break out and more fully express her dominant nature, but I am not sure of how strong her desire is or how to support and encourage her. I have hinted around this, and always accept the opportunity to serve her in our relationship both in an out of the bedroom, however I am at a loss for now on how to proceed further down this path.
Thank you again for sharing on a deep level. I hope to continue to gain insights from your example which might apply to my own dance of life.
-jenni
Although you addressed this reply to my gorgeous sissy lover, naturally I choose to respond placing *my* wishes over and above his own desires, though he may choose to reply separately of course
I like to think that this kind of forum encourages exploration of sexuality in a true and sincere way, alongside the inevitable jack-off seekers who will use the content in here simply for that...jacking-off that is, still, everything has it's place hey!...
However, I'm interested to hear your story PBJenni as it is clearly a story that has many aspects to it, not least of all your necessarily concealing your true sexual self in your alpha-male dominated workplace (as I'm sure is
VERY common). Many of us are limited in what we can express, even amongst friends, and the element of risk is ever present if ones choices are mainly placed outside of straight vanilla sex/thinking.
I'm glad you've found a way to begin to express some of this with your wife, and I wish for you the opportunity for ever more safe, consensual, respectful exploration. For me, if my lover is not respectful, that's the
ABSOLUTE END of my willingness to explore, especially in a forum such as this, but not only that, in life too. For me, this expression of my sexual/personal self is not a superficial thing, it is a lifestyle/attitude for living that goes way beyond the temporary and into the TRUTH of my ability to be my *whole* self. If I can be myself, learn about another whom I love and stay clear in my own boundaries within that, then I'm content.
I love my partner deeply and I respect all aspects of his sexuality. I love affording him the freedom to express himself and all of those taboo and forbidden parts. I love to see him in my underwear, I love to have him serve me,
and I love to spend time doing very ordinary things with him too. He is my best friend, my confidante and my much respected partner in many many ways. That said, no relationship is easy all of the time and I'm very commited to working at our differences and growing the things we share in common in a spirit of loving, open, mutual care.
Many aspects of our sex life remain fantasy and will do so until we feel the time is right to open things up even more, and that's fine. I don't want to present a phony picture of an all-singing, all-fucking, totally cool/anthing goes realtionship. We're human after all with human feelings of jealousy, confusion, uncertainty etc! BUT.....with him I am more open, more sexually responsive and more honest than I've EVER been in a relationship with a lover and that's pretty good going. My sexual desire for him only grows with time, not dwindles as is common, and I'm sure that's down to our honest communication and the sense of trust and fun we share.
Good luck with your wife and in finding the greater freedom to express yourself in your life.....we've only got the one after all!!!!!!
~Dominant Goddess~