Denial 2015

[peakmb]

Steve, I assume it's just the one night this week and then nothing this weekend? This might mean Sue has had to explain why to Paul of course. Maybe just not fully. I'm sure Sue would want you to relieve yourself tonight too. It looks likely now that tomorrow, like last week, will become one of your condom nights and you have to try to make it last. These last few times need to leave a lasting impression of you with Sue just as much as she will with you. Maybe more given she has the comparison. No pressure then! I wonder what image will you have in your head as you come tonight? Sue and you, Sue and Paul?

 

[SoonToBe]

She mentioned possibly Thursday seeing him but not spending the night. Not sure of her exact plans. Our son will be home sometime next week when he feels like coming home, his spring break is late so there will be a bit of a hiatus for her after the weekend. I did ask what she was going to tell Paul and she said "nothing for now" and she added "other than that you (meaning me) are continuing to enjoy what they're doing". So whether it comes out over time will be indicative of things, I suppose.

I admit that I am feeling more and more anxious about everything. I know what's coming and that it's going to be some adjustment for me even with the limited relations we've had recently. But at the same time my cock is so rock hard right now at where she is and by now, what she's likely doing. I really can't explain why it turns me on to think about truly giving her up for a while and wanting her to be with Paul as she needs and wants but I really do want it. I think someone said to me that in a way she becomes like a Penthouse model - in awe of her beauty and sexuality. There is this intensely satisfying feeling I have even right now about thinking about her beneath him as she becomes his. I've seen her and them fuck so many times that I can almost see it in my head.

I hope you are correct about tomorrow. It's such a crazy thing that it turns me on. Scares me but I just have to see it through and experience it.

 

[k.sucks.you]

Sorry to interrupt the thread, but I just wanted to thank SoonToBe for sharing all he has over the many years. Personally, I have learned a lot, and have found new ways to think about my own situations. I wish you (and Sue, and her lovers the best). (Your inbox is full. )

 

[SoonToBe]

Well, going to sleep last night after jerking off was easier than I'd anticipated and as I said in general I feel less anxiety when she's staying with Paul.
But it's the mornings that always get to me. Getting up alone is just part of it - but being in the bathroom showering and all that and knowing she is with him right now (or an hour ago) doing the same always gets to me. Just makes me want her more.

I'll tend to the inbox before heading into the office.

 

[SquirmingSub]

Steve indeed seems everything continues to be heading in a mutually positive direction for you and Sue.

 

[peakmb]

Almost there Steve. Sue is about to come home feeling that strange mixture of excitement, guilt, sexual fulfillment and emotional need. On top of everything else in her life today of course. You have a similar strange mix. Different but at odds with a more normal day. Together you will step together on a series of partially hidden stepping stones which, if taken in the right order, will result in you using one of your last three condoms. Or not as the case may be. Step wisely ..

 

[Knk069]

Steve,
Enjoy the rest of the week and the weekend. You are about to launch into new territory that many of us would like to visit but fear to go there.

I was thinking about all the comments recently regarding Sue feeling pressured to have sex with you. Some took that to mean she resented sex with you. I think I understand where she is coming from based on my wife and I. My wife loves me and says she never wants me to feel deprived. I think Sue may be the same. So, inevitably over the years there will be times when our wives have a bad day, doesn't feel well, etc. but offer sex anyway because they feel it is the right thing to do. In your/Sue's case, she has now discovered that she doesn't have to give it to you every time you are horny for you to be a happy husband. So she may be expressing that new dynamic by describing that past feeling as "pressure" from you (or her internal pressure). I don't think she resented sex with you at all or she wouldn't still be with you.

Best of luck after the weekend.

 

[manon]

Expounding on Knk09 comments.

Any "marriage" naturally involves giving and taking. Part of the nature of any normal serious relationship.

If one never wants to submit to another then don't get married. ) The happiness found in a marriage can be the joy of being together, having some crumb crushers and enjoying their successes etc., etc..,

To get hung up on just the sexual part is truly not taking into account all the other facets a marriage and true union affords. Called life. )

Steve, just have thought of how far you two go in the future. Each new escalation will naturally carry greater risk/reward. Like her staying three or four nights a week. At some point the marriage, typically, takes a back seat and human bonding and emotion may come into play with chemical body hormone addiction, both sides, playing a more influencing role.

If Sue ever stops communicating about what is happening as you have already stated. Major RED FLAG! Then time maybe at hand to start pulling the breaks in the months ahead. The true nature of Paul will announce itself in time .

At this point in time based on what you have said. Your at a good point so far. Just stay on top and be aware always cause this is playing with potential fire. Sue to date seems to have placed some limits on her interactions with Paul. Now that she seems to have pressed the petal down this may be a really watch what is truly happening point and if she seems withdrawn at times for no other apparent reason that can mean she is conflicted emotionally.

People can and do change all the time. If Paul who is single and professed wants to stay that way. Now is presented with Sue staying two nights with husbands full permission and encouragement that presents a new dynamic. Some males may say hey this is great, I want more. Kids are grown so Paul may change.

So just as Sue seems to always needs your encouragement and support so too equally do you need her love and re-assurance. Called balance.

Just keep your big head in the game from time to time and you should be fine. .

Your aware of everything here just putting it out again as you enter a new phase )

Regards

 

[SoonToBe]

I hope to have more time later for more details - but for now to let everyone know, no we didn't have sex last night. But yes, I did masturbate for her while she "shared" her time with Paul with me. Much as she did last time she came back from being with him - she lay down next to me in her bath-robe and as we started to get close and began to talk and she knew I was getting horny she slowly undid her robe and again - in her own way - she teased me and turned me on so much! I felt so horny as she slowly uncovered her naked body and let me see her.

I was really hard and she said she loved both knowing I'd jerked off on Tuesday night and that here I was rock-hard again. She's said it before but last night she had the most sexy tone in her voice as she told me how it made her horny to see how hard I was and she held my hand and told me that it turned her on to see me like that and that it really turned her on to know that she didn't want to have sex with me. She went on and on about how it made her feel very sexy to see me so horny and aroused by her and to know that I was going to masturbate for her.

She teased me about "how long it's been now since you came in here" as she spread her pussy and she giggled and said "can you see any of Paul's cum still in me?".

I was so into stroking my cock as she told me how they'd gone out and had a little dinner and how sexy she felt when she came back and got changed into something sexy for him and how he then undressed her. She then recapped how he seduced her. It was very sexy because she kept looking at me and smiling and when I asked what was going on she said that she wasn't sure about how much detail I wanted to hear but she smiled and giggled at it "being obvious that you like hearing it". I could almost feel the excitement in her voice at times as she shared some of the more graphic details including how she had her first orgasm of the night while they were kissing and he had his fingers in her pussy.

Needless to say, by the time she got to telling me about them fucking, I was ready to blow and it didn't take too much more.

But it was afterwards that I really felt what I think we'd both wanted to feel. After she helped me clean up we both got changed - she put on her night-shirt and me my boxers and t-shirt - and we spooned up in bed watching TV for another hour. I so loved that time with her - I knew she'd been sexually fulfilled by Paul and she'd now made sure I was fully satisfied too and we lay there so close. My cock wasn't totally deflated and she could feel it but we both knew we just wanted to lie there and be close with each other. During commercials she turned towards me and we kissed several times and she pulled my arms close around her as we spooned. It felt so natural to hear her tell me she loves me and me the same to her.

Gotta run right now - more later.

 

[SoonToBe]

We talked a little bit while we lay together in bed and she told me again that she hoped all of this was going to be okay for me and that she hoped "sharing" as she's calling it, will help ease my desires. It was my turn to laugh a bit and I held her and told her that as long as I still felt close to her somehow that I was sure it would be okay. She held me tightly and told me that she knew that even though it's something that she knows that I want to do that she also knows it's something that isn't easy and will likely be uncomfortable for me at times. I can tell from how she was talking that she was also looking for some assurance from me and when I wrapped my arms more tightly around her and whispered that I would always be here for her she murmured and snuggled back into me. Even without words, there was no doubt how she felt next to me.

I knew from the last time that she "shared" with me that she wanted to feel assured that I knew that I wasn't only not going to have sex with her, that she also knew that I also wouldn't touch her unless she specifically asked me to do so, we'd talked that she wanted to make this be like how it will be starting next week. I admit it was even more arousing than the last time. She seemed much more relaxed and more able to talk to me and tell me about her and Paul. She knew that it titillated me to hear her tell me all about it. What really turned me on was how I could tell how comfortable she is with him. She told me how the took off her panties and just how she said it, I could almost see it in my head him revealing her bare pussy that was likely already wet. If that wasn't enough she told me how he kissed his way up each leg from her ankle upwards until she told me she could feel her pussy was totally drenched by the time he finally licked her!

When I finally did cum, as I said, she again commented and even I had to agree that I seem to be cumming a lot these days. I was actually kind of proud of just how much when she pushed it all into a puddle around my navel and then began to play with it between her fingers. And there was this kind of seething sexual sound to her voice when she again said how it turned her on to see my cock and now my cum and to know that it's not in her!.

And I wanted to thank Knk for seeing things more as how I intended them to be taken and expressed. The pressure I tried to describe as she'd describe to me was never physical or overt from me and was, as you surmised, more of an internal thing she felt of her own and certainly not something of resentment or anger. Manon I think you have many good points too - and I know that now and especially in the days/weeks after this Sunday that I do need to be aware of Paul and whether things are changing. She hasn't said what she's telling him other than what she has already, that I enjoy a certain aspect of denial and that I enjoy knowing the two of them are fucking. I expect over time that she may reveal more, but maybe not. That too will be something I watch for and am aware of.

 

[peakmb]

Steve, not sure if Sunday or Monday is your last day. Still it's getting bit tight to get three condoms used before then. Can't remember the last time you used two on the same day. Is Sue also seeing Paul this weekend? I can see her being happy and tired next week if she is.

 

[SoonToBe]

Surprise surprise for me last night! She did not go see Paul after work as we'd talked - instead she came home after work and said that "the evening is ours" and yes - continuing the surprise - we had pretty passionate sex last night after all!!! If she really does want to let go, I didn't see much sign of it last night as I said, she was quite passionate including spending a lot of time sucking my cock!

I asked her several times if she really wanted to do this (have sex last night) and it led to a bit of a discussion where she said that she wanted to make sure things were really good between us going into and for this weekend. I told her I was surprised that she wanted to still be with me and she hugged me and explained that "it's not like that" and that it's not like she doesn't want to have sex with me but that she admits she is very turned on about "not having sex with YOU" meaning me. She told me how she finds herself very turned on seeing my hard cock and knowing that she won't be fucking it and she said to me that she also wants to get past where she feels almost guilty if I'm really hard that she feels like she needs to have sex with me even if she really wasn't in the mood for it. I told her that I'd never wanted her to feel that way - along the lines of what Knk had said - and she immediately replied that it's not (just) me but that it's her too - that it's her that feels almost guilty "as your wife" not having sex with me. And that's what she hugged me and said she wants to try to "reset between us". She turned to me and kissed me and I think I even saw a tear in her eye. I held her and I told her that maybe in my own way that's maybe what my beta thing was all about too, wanting her to have that control again. I said it somewhat to make her feel better but also because it may have some truth to it. She really smiled though when I told her a second later that "it really turns me on that you're going to deny me though... and that Paul will be 'taking care of you' that way".

She was all aglow when she opened the nightstand and pulled out a condom and handed it to me. As I rolled it onto my obviously hard cock she was all smiles and as I tossed the foil-wrapper she had this cheshire-cat smile and when I asked her "what?" she smiled and said that she was just thinking that we have 3 more days and then she said it "and you have 2 more of those to use". Fuck my cock was throbbing as she said it.

We'd been messing around with each other for a while - she was having fun stroking my cock and commenting on how much pre-cum I seem to have and I had my fingers in her pussy and I was half-joking (half-serious in a way) that I was playing with "Pauls pussy" which she groaned back at and said "that's not true" even if it was. I'd also gone down on her and licked/sucked at her pussy but I didn't taste anything really other than her own sweetness, of course, in my head I could taste the tang of what Paul had left in her. But once I climbed onto my knees and spread her legs, she didn't say anything but I could feel right away that she was very wet and very receptive!!! She pulled her knees way back for me and told me "enjoy yourself baby, I'll be with you when it's time" and just from how she said it and how she felt and how she responded as I pushed into her, I knew she would be.

She didn't tease me or taunt me once we started fucking. It wasn't an urgent physical kind of fuck either - I know that I took my time with her, enjoying that she was quite wet and yes, savoring every moment of it. From how warm she felt inside to how snugly her pussy would clench down at times as she enjoyed several smaller orgasms as I built my desires up and struggled to stay in control. I loved looking down and seeing her legs spread for me this time but at the same time, I know that I absolutely loved knowing that Paul was and would be in her just where I was too.

Like all good things, the need continued to rise and her response continued to increase. At one point I held her knees back so they were almost squeezing her tits and her pussy was totally raised up and *******. She squealed in pleasure as I pulled her knees together increasing the tightness in her pussy - and then spreading them far apart and feeling her pussy gape open inside - it was just so intense. Yes, my god I wished I could have felt it bare instead of through the condom, but I could feel it and it was still the huge turn on it was. She knew it, she could feel my cock grow even more and she began to say things to me - short things to tweak me and get me off but when she again mentioned that "2 more times baby, make this one really good" - that sort of did it to me. While I was calm and slow and passionate, hearing her taunt me, I suddenly felt the urge and need rise and she responded by pulling her knees back and seething to me "fuck me baby, come on....". I felt her pussy gush with sudden wetness and as I felt it - I let loose!

When we were done and both caught our breath, when I went to pull out of her I remembered about her comment about how horny I seem to always be and how much I seem to be cumming these days and last night was no different. Amazingly even after jerking off with her the night before, even I was proud of how full the tip of the condom was. She smiled as she sat up and pulled it off of me and while she didn't say anything to me, it was obvious from how she was pinching and playing with it that she had the same thoughts. She put a knot in it and tossed it next to the bed and as she pulled me down next to her she giggled and said something about "not having that mess" which I think now is her own way of revalidating what we're doing.

Either way, we giggled as we both went into the bathroom naked and washed up and got ready for bed and in bed, she surprised me by staying naked and letting me cuddle up behind her. She giggled that I was "getting chubby again already" and reached between her legs to let my cock lie comfortably against the length of her pussy but not in it. She even put my hand on her breast as we lay together and watched TV. I know I woke up this morning and was still naked but she had, sometime during the night, put on her night-shirt.

So - I"m sitting here right now with this awesome next-morning post-sex feeling and am very up that I'll have this with her for the weekend.

 

[SoonToBe]

Peak - just saw your note and thought I'd add that she's said she is NOT seeing Paul this weekend - that it's just the two of us, well, at least until our son gets home on Monday for his spring break, but he's already got plans for the end of the week.

 

[peakmb]

Steve, thanks for the reply. Glad you enjoyed yourself last night too. I think you are really going to miss it at first after an intense weekend. Just one comment. Your joke about 'Paul's pussy' kind of illustrates the point. Sue is doing all this so that it becomes HER pussy, one that she is free to use whenever She wants to. Any ownership implies lack of her control. Exactly what she is trying to correct.

 

[SoonToBe]

I've been swapping email with a pen-pal friend and he's pointed out to me that Sue has likely already disconnected from bare-sex with me and that her casual tying off of the condom and again reference to me not cumming in her may be something that outlives our full-denial?

She's made comments about it before including the 2 I always hear - that "many couples use them all their lives" and that "my sister still uses them".
Did I miss this or has this already become a fait-accompli? Have I really already possibly given up cumming in her? Ever? I can't explain how I feel about this other than that I sort of feel sad and wickedly aroused at the same time that perhaps she's really well into this journey of hers already.

 

[raksdeer]

SO she doesn't wants you to come in her, but wants others to ? For a brief period...I can understand the wish to experiment...for long term...it's speaks the wish to be non-intimate with you. It simply means that you lost her atleast sexually and that's just the beginning.

Sex is expression of being intimate, of being in love. It's the quest to be one with each other without anything in between. It's your choice and your life steve and your relationship is travelling downhill very rapidly....very fast. Hope you are able to apply brakes in time.

 

[SquirmingSub]

Why is it that some people see things in such a negative way. Why do some feel that the only way to be sexual intimate with another person is to have penetrative sexual relations? There are so many other ways to be intimate sexually and non-sexually.

 

[peakmb]

Steve, I can't blame you really but sometimes you like to roll a grenade in just for the fun of it. Let's examine a few facts.
Both you and Sue set great emphasis on the quality and excitement of bareback sex. You miss it tremendously at the moment. Your angst in your current position is only balanced by the fact that you know it will end. Sue is even worse. She believes she can only have her 'super' orgasms after she has felt her lover come inside her. Why would either of you choose to give that up permanently? Sue has of course not given it up. She has Paul to maintain it, which even without an emotional bond seems enough for now. But when he goes? Nothing in her previous actions says she will want this and let's be clear, everything about her current actions is about creating a new balance about what she wants and what works for her in the future. This means even if a small corner of your cucky mind thinks this might be fun on some level you won't prevail. I can see Sue occasionally getting a condom out. Just for a change, maybe to remind you of what you risk losing, maybe even to feed your beta desires sometimes. But permanently, never. It would make a nonsense of everything you have written on this site, and that is not to deny Squirmings point, just simply to say I don't believe it applies to Sue. Delayed gratification in many areas of life works because the release is sweeter when it comes. The wait is worth it. Waiting until the next lifetime is beyond my belief system.

 

[raksdeer]

Why is it that some people see things in such a negative way. Why do some feel that the only way to be sexual intimate with another person is to have penetrative sexual relations? There are so many other ways to be intimate sexually and non-sexually.

Please enlighten us by sharing those other ways.

 

[Harry2614]

"Sex is expression of being intimate, of being in love. It's the quest to be one with each other without anything in between. It's your choice and your life steve and your relationship is travelling downhill very rapidly....very fast. Hope you are able to apply brakes in time."

Once again, Rax, I feel to compliment you on your 'wisdom.' Solomon could not have done better! LOL. But, believe me when I say that your advice is lost here, since it is very obviously NOT Sue that wants to deny Steve, but Steve that wants to be denied. Lets face it, without Sue's boyfriends and Steve's denial, there would be nothing of interest to post here.

Sue has made it very clear, through the many 'quotes' Steve has published, that she never wants to Give Steve up. She wants to always love him, and indeed wants to renew her sex life with him. she wants (apparently more than he does) to have a fully open and intimate sexual relationship with Steve, however under new circumstances, where he will have to 'Seduce her,' 'court her' and finally make love to her, just as her 'boyfriends' have had to do.

It appears that he will continue to be her "Beta," but what is left in question, is whether he will be permitted to live out his long sought desire to be a "Cuckold."

Although little has been said along this line, I think that Steve's chosen roll, will be left out of the "new circumstances." Perhaps that is what Steve fears the most!!!

Cheers, Harry