well, STB, despite all the gloomers still ripping you up for you both finding a happy medium in your lives, there are some of us that still think the communication is the key. While she is taking a much more active role in telling you how she would like it, she is also checking in to see if its what you like and want. Yes sometimes its to push you but most of the time its a step you wanted to take anyway. Sure, it appears that she is leaning toward denying you on a more permanent basis, but you know you want to be her cuckold and share with her the best sex she can get even if it isnt from you. Will that change you sexual dynamic, yes, but it doesn't have to totally change your marriage.
New Year, New Thread
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Just catching up to the last two weeks. A couple of questions occur to me.
1. It appeared that you wrote about Sue wanting you to spend the night with her and Paul, Saturday the 17th, (3 of us spending the night together and that "yes, baby, we're going to fuck, but you're going to be there the whole time and I want you to sleep on one side next to me".) Did that happen, and what did you think about it?
2. Usually it appears from your thread that on an overnight, Sue and Paul go two rounds. You tell us about Sue asking you to leave after Paul had fucked her the first time, to give them some time alone. Did they invite you back for a second round, and then ask you to stay and sleep with them?
I am impressed that you, Sue and Paul get along so well, and this seems to fill everybodies needs so well. Congratulations, Merry Christmas, and looking forward to reading about your New Year's celebrations.
1. It appeared that you wrote about Sue wanting you to spend the night with her and Paul, Saturday the 17th, (3 of us spending the night together and that "yes, baby, we're going to fuck, but you're going to be there the whole time and I want you to sleep on one side next to me".) Did that happen, and what did you think about it?
2. Usually it appears from your thread that on an overnight, Sue and Paul go two rounds. You tell us about Sue asking you to leave after Paul had fucked her the first time, to give them some time alone. Did they invite you back for a second round, and then ask you to stay and sleep with them?
I am impressed that you, Sue and Paul get along so well, and this seems to fill everybodies needs so well. Congratulations, Merry Christmas, and looking forward to reading about your New Year's celebrations.
Well, I can say that for those who are saying this is just a continuation of how things have been going all along is that I don't feel that way. This conversation was one of the first times with her where I sensed she understood how I felt regarding exploring just how far my beta desires go. We've tip-toed around it for a long time but last night in bed we talked for a long time, staying up quite late, and I think it's one of the first times that I think I feel that she understands how I'm feeling.
I know a lot of people here say she has this ulterior motive to be with Paul or leave me or whatever, but it sure didn't feel like that last night. She said things to me about how she thinks that it makes me feel - that seemed to really connect with me. She told me that I have always been this way, that I need to really explore and experience things before deciding about how I feel about them. She's known me for 30 years now so some of what she said was revealing including not just some things that we explored before really getting into - like skiing - or other things that we thought we'd be into more but arent - things like scuba diving or going out on my motorcycle. There have been family things too that she's mentioned which related to our kids and how we've felt over time. What she was emphasizing to me was that for me - I need to experience things for a while to learn how I feel about them and that I"m not someone who has overnight or immediate desires and decisions.
I was going to be defensive when she said she's the same way and shared many similar examples. She also said she didn't plan to meet or enjoy Paul as she is, but it is what it is and she put it bluntly that as long as I want to have and experience my life as a beta for her, that she will want him sexually as she's said. Thing was - she just said it as if it were the same as "it's cloudy out" - as just something that "is". And that's where we started to talk about how I felt about things. She told me that it's taken her just as long as me to come to where we are and for her own desires to develop. Say what you want, but she insists that her desires have merely followed my own. I didn't ask her but conjecturing - I suppose if I'd been into group-sex and gang-bangs, that perhaps she may have developed her own desires in that direction. Something we'll never know - but again, as someone who's been in love with their wife - truly in love with her as a person as well as a physical being - that I honestly believe what she's saying. And anyone who's married for a long time will know the same - you just go along with the other person at times at first but over time, you - perhaps reluctantly - develop a liking yourself.
So when she asked me whether I'd truly ever thought about what I wanted to experience, when I asked her in return the same question she said that it's not something she'd have been able to form herself until recently, what her own desires are for the future. She again mentioned the "whole big affair" and she again clarified that she no longer feels the need for the emotional side of that, but now that she is able to say what she thinks she wants, she did say that she would like to explore further with me and she giggled and said "it'll be how it's always been, when it's too much for you, it'll probably be too much for me".
Azsurfer - yes and I think about it what I always think about it, that seeing him in her and seeing her respond to him, now so comfortably, that it's arousing in a much more admiring way than of physical attraction if that makes any sense. I do actually enjoy her letting herself go with him. And no, despite talk I honestly had no illusions about spending the entire night with them. I did not observe them after that until the next morning. In terms of how I felt though - it was far more arousing to me that she'd gone off for a quickie (well, not so quick) with him on Christmas Eve and since than being with them the week before.
As far as what we want and all of that. She's made it quite clear that unless I want to relinquish my beta desires, that we will continue to use condoms indefinitely. She asked me how I felt about that and I as I shared before, I told her that it makes me anxious to think about it as something permanent but that it continued to arouse me as it always has. But there's no secret right now, as far as she wants regarding this and she's clear about that. She says that my giving that up with her - feeling her bare and cumming in her - that it is part of what she wants even more from Paul then and she's clear that it's something she feels strongly about. As we had already talked she reminded me that it's been just a handful of times that we've given in and not used them in the past 2 years. I told her that it was something that made me feel complete when we have sex together - that it just feels right. She looked at me and said "you want me to have that with Paul and not you.... you know.... how it feels together at the end...." she paused and said "it's okay..." and after a moment she said "I know that's hard for you to tell me but I love knowing it's how you feel and what you want". She paused for another moment and she said "it makes me feel really really sexy to share that with Paul.... and I mean really share it".
It was me that told her I was achingly horny thinking about not having her on New Years eve. She held my hand and she said she knew it was and that she wanted to make the night good for me as best as she can. I told her that I wanted to masturbate with them and she told me that she would love it if I could share their moment that way "and you'd still be part of having sex with me this year baby....".
It was when we started to talk about beyond New Years that she said "lets save that".
I know a lot of people here say she has this ulterior motive to be with Paul or leave me or whatever, but it sure didn't feel like that last night. She said things to me about how she thinks that it makes me feel - that seemed to really connect with me. She told me that I have always been this way, that I need to really explore and experience things before deciding about how I feel about them. She's known me for 30 years now so some of what she said was revealing including not just some things that we explored before really getting into - like skiing - or other things that we thought we'd be into more but arent - things like scuba diving or going out on my motorcycle. There have been family things too that she's mentioned which related to our kids and how we've felt over time. What she was emphasizing to me was that for me - I need to experience things for a while to learn how I feel about them and that I"m not someone who has overnight or immediate desires and decisions.
I was going to be defensive when she said she's the same way and shared many similar examples. She also said she didn't plan to meet or enjoy Paul as she is, but it is what it is and she put it bluntly that as long as I want to have and experience my life as a beta for her, that she will want him sexually as she's said. Thing was - she just said it as if it were the same as "it's cloudy out" - as just something that "is". And that's where we started to talk about how I felt about things. She told me that it's taken her just as long as me to come to where we are and for her own desires to develop. Say what you want, but she insists that her desires have merely followed my own. I didn't ask her but conjecturing - I suppose if I'd been into group-sex and gang-bangs, that perhaps she may have developed her own desires in that direction. Something we'll never know - but again, as someone who's been in love with their wife - truly in love with her as a person as well as a physical being - that I honestly believe what she's saying. And anyone who's married for a long time will know the same - you just go along with the other person at times at first but over time, you - perhaps reluctantly - develop a liking yourself.
So when she asked me whether I'd truly ever thought about what I wanted to experience, when I asked her in return the same question she said that it's not something she'd have been able to form herself until recently, what her own desires are for the future. She again mentioned the "whole big affair" and she again clarified that she no longer feels the need for the emotional side of that, but now that she is able to say what she thinks she wants, she did say that she would like to explore further with me and she giggled and said "it'll be how it's always been, when it's too much for you, it'll probably be too much for me".
Azsurfer - yes and I think about it what I always think about it, that seeing him in her and seeing her respond to him, now so comfortably, that it's arousing in a much more admiring way than of physical attraction if that makes any sense. I do actually enjoy her letting herself go with him. And no, despite talk I honestly had no illusions about spending the entire night with them. I did not observe them after that until the next morning. In terms of how I felt though - it was far more arousing to me that she'd gone off for a quickie (well, not so quick) with him on Christmas Eve and since than being with them the week before.
As far as what we want and all of that. She's made it quite clear that unless I want to relinquish my beta desires, that we will continue to use condoms indefinitely. She asked me how I felt about that and I as I shared before, I told her that it makes me anxious to think about it as something permanent but that it continued to arouse me as it always has. But there's no secret right now, as far as she wants regarding this and she's clear about that. She says that my giving that up with her - feeling her bare and cumming in her - that it is part of what she wants even more from Paul then and she's clear that it's something she feels strongly about. As we had already talked she reminded me that it's been just a handful of times that we've given in and not used them in the past 2 years. I told her that it was something that made me feel complete when we have sex together - that it just feels right. She looked at me and said "you want me to have that with Paul and not you.... you know.... how it feels together at the end...." she paused and said "it's okay..." and after a moment she said "I know that's hard for you to tell me but I love knowing it's how you feel and what you want". She paused for another moment and she said "it makes me feel really really sexy to share that with Paul.... and I mean really share it".
It was me that told her I was achingly horny thinking about not having her on New Years eve. She held my hand and she said she knew it was and that she wanted to make the night good for me as best as she can. I told her that I wanted to masturbate with them and she told me that she would love it if I could share their moment that way "and you'd still be part of having sex with me this year baby....".
It was when we started to talk about beyond New Years that she said "lets save that".
Steve, it's been clear for some time how you are feeling at present. It's clear that you want to experience the denial pattern starting in January. I don't think it's gloomy to say that you haven't actually experienced it yet and that until you have its worth holding off discussions and agreements about how it progresses. If you still feel this way in March or even May after two cycles I'd say that is where you are and enjoy it while it lasts. If you don't you won't be breaking any agreements about wanting to do something different. I would also try to get a realistic assessment of how long Paul is going to be staying in your life. Put bluntly he has enjoyed a progressive increase in his sexual activity with Sue. If you decide to retract even by a little, your gain will be his loss. That may have consequences too.
Yeah - I know what you're saying Peak. It seems to be what Sue and I are now in line with too - that if my desires continue, then they represent something that we should deal with rather than trying to suppress or overlook them.
I've said before that I used to read incredulously about cuckolds who were aroused at being denied by their wives, but I have now long since changed my thoughts about it. I can't explain it but being able to talk openly to her about all of this and to her her side - whether it's contrived or a plot/scheme on her side - or if its her honesty - either way she is encouraging me to come to my own conclusions (albeit with her influence - I'm aware of that).
What I am in agreement with her about is that I want to enjoy New Years Eve in a new way this year - whether it's painful jealous agony or blissful masturbatory heaven, I'll find out soon enough - but the thought of her enjoying our normal energetic New Years Eve sex with him instead of me is what I am looking forward to.
I've said before that I used to read incredulously about cuckolds who were aroused at being denied by their wives, but I have now long since changed my thoughts about it. I can't explain it but being able to talk openly to her about all of this and to her her side - whether it's contrived or a plot/scheme on her side - or if its her honesty - either way she is encouraging me to come to my own conclusions (albeit with her influence - I'm aware of that).
What I am in agreement with her about is that I want to enjoy New Years Eve in a new way this year - whether it's painful jealous agony or blissful masturbatory heaven, I'll find out soon enough - but the thought of her enjoying our normal energetic New Years Eve sex with him instead of me is what I am looking forward to.
Steve -
With all the thought you two have put into this, can you write out some of the possible directions you have thought about going (not that you really want to go there, but at least thought about as a possibility)?
For example.....
I hope you had a Merry Christmas and have a safe and happy New Year!
With all the thought you two have put into this, can you write out some of the possible directions you have thought about going (not that you really want to go there, but at least thought about as a possibility)?
For example.....
- would Sue staying at Paul's for a week or more at a time be exciting?
- would stopping all penetrative sex for a month be appealing?
- would stepping up her teasing you about how good Paul is in bed (perhaps ramping up comparing you two) be appealing?
- would Paul moving in with you two for a few weeks be appealing (where you move to the guest room while he is staying at your house)?
I hope you had a Merry Christmas and have a safe and happy New Year!
Wing - I'm honestly not sure of how I want things to go but to answer your questions....
1) I found the idea of her at his place for a week while I was away to be incredibly arousing to me - so if I do travel again, I feel that this would be a certainty. However, the idea of her doing so when I'm home is less appealing.
2) We are moving forward on this in that after we reconnect just after New Years, we have already agreed that I'll be abstaining until, at a minimum late February after our last ski trip away.
3) She is doing that - subtly though - but she has now found it easier to tell me that she gets more satisfaction from Paul. But that isn't surprising to me as I know that him going bare with her for this long has surely influenced things by truly making the latter part of their time together to be more intense and more meaningful.
4) She has mentioned having him stay with us more - in the same vein as her staying with him for several days in a row. But we both agree that the upheaval that would cause in our house might be more than we can deal with since all 3 of us are still working and any changes would then need to be explained to our kids or others.
for me - what i would want - to be honest - is right in line with what Sue has said. I do want to move on to new experiences and we are doing just that. The feeling of not having sex with her over Christmas was incredible for me - especially her openness about it. I find myself eager to be an idle participant on New Years Eve. But moreso - it will sound weird - but I want it to be a fait-accompli - that after we reconnect just after New Years, that I will know that I will simply not have her until after ski season. I want to feel and know that - to know that when we go away, that she will be his before, during and afterwards. I think she is prepared to fulfill her own wishes in relation to mine this way - in that she wants to see me let herself go completely with him. It's sort of surreal to think this way - but at the same time, anytime I even think about it - I get the most profound feelings that I am loving.
1) I found the idea of her at his place for a week while I was away to be incredibly arousing to me - so if I do travel again, I feel that this would be a certainty. However, the idea of her doing so when I'm home is less appealing.
2) We are moving forward on this in that after we reconnect just after New Years, we have already agreed that I'll be abstaining until, at a minimum late February after our last ski trip away.
3) She is doing that - subtly though - but she has now found it easier to tell me that she gets more satisfaction from Paul. But that isn't surprising to me as I know that him going bare with her for this long has surely influenced things by truly making the latter part of their time together to be more intense and more meaningful.
4) She has mentioned having him stay with us more - in the same vein as her staying with him for several days in a row. But we both agree that the upheaval that would cause in our house might be more than we can deal with since all 3 of us are still working and any changes would then need to be explained to our kids or others.
for me - what i would want - to be honest - is right in line with what Sue has said. I do want to move on to new experiences and we are doing just that. The feeling of not having sex with her over Christmas was incredible for me - especially her openness about it. I find myself eager to be an idle participant on New Years Eve. But moreso - it will sound weird - but I want it to be a fait-accompli - that after we reconnect just after New Years, that I will know that I will simply not have her until after ski season. I want to feel and know that - to know that when we go away, that she will be his before, during and afterwards. I think she is prepared to fulfill her own wishes in relation to mine this way - in that she wants to see me let herself go completely with him. It's sort of surreal to think this way - but at the same time, anytime I even think about it - I get the most profound feelings that I am loving.
Great updates Steve. It looks like 2017 will be a cuckolds dream for you, or as you so eloquently stated "painful jealous agony or blissful masturbatory heaven."
Thoughts to ponder.
How will you feel if:
You reconnect at the end of February and Sue decides/convinces you that the next reconnection won't be until Memorial Day (3 months), then Labor Day (another 3), followed by a wait until the New Years 2018?
Around Valentines Day, Sue starts hinting about delaying the reconnection a couple weeks, a month, or more? ("We've gone this long. What's an extra ... matter?)
Sue plays "Lucy with the football" and lets you get within a week of reconnecting and then pushes it back a period of time, only to repeat the delay over and over? How long could that go on?
Thanks for your updates. I hope you enjoy your New Years and all of 2017
Thoughts to ponder.
How will you feel if:
You reconnect at the end of February and Sue decides/convinces you that the next reconnection won't be until Memorial Day (3 months), then Labor Day (another 3), followed by a wait until the New Years 2018?
Around Valentines Day, Sue starts hinting about delaying the reconnection a couple weeks, a month, or more? ("We've gone this long. What's an extra ... matter?)
Sue plays "Lucy with the football" and lets you get within a week of reconnecting and then pushes it back a period of time, only to repeat the delay over and over? How long could that go on?
Thanks for your updates. I hope you enjoy your New Years and all of 2017
Knk - as Sue and I are discussing, neither of us knows just how far my beta desires go, I just know they go beyond what we are doing right now - and as Peak would point out - that this is how I feel right now.
Of course I have thought out different scenarios - the more mild and tamer side leans towards what we are doing now with possibly truly long term condom usage. That is one of the main reasons I believe my beta desires run deeper is that I truly enjoy this and I truly enjoy knowing I have given Paul something very intense and intimate that I will not have with her. I do not understand it fully but I know that we both are okay with it and that after 2+ years - the arousal for both of us hasn't waned.
And the alternative is also true - I have long fantasized about her taking further control and denying me further and for longer periods of time. She has from time to time commented how much easier it is between us without the anxiety of wanting and scheduling sex between us and that when she can feel satisfied and not feel the physical desire, that she feels it is easier to connect with me emotionally - sharing a bottle of wine and watching the sunset sort of thing. It scares me to think this way sometimes - but I also cannot deny the arousal at the thought of having a loving and beautiful and sexy wife but to be denied sex with her. I feel these kinds of feelings when she will walk around naked in front of me and I see her body and I see that she's kept herself shaved for him. Seeing her but at the same time - even now - knowing that despite my arousal or even my desire - that we will not be intimate again until after New Years - that her body will be his again and again before it is mine - it is just an amazing feeling. In some ways, I do wish that feeling to never end - and yet, at the same time, it is a scary thought to perhaps not feel her again at all.
For the Lucy plays the football scenario - to be honest, if she would acknowledge and help alleviate my physical needs at those times - if she would pleasure me in any way - it likely would satisfy me. It sounds weird to say it - but it is how I feel. If we came to January 2nd when she's promised we'll have our time in bed - if she were to tell me at the last minute that she wanted to truly suck my cock and drain me that way - not that she will offer it - but if she did - it feels weird to say it but I would likely say okay and forego sex with her. It's not going to happen so it's just an example of how my thoughts feel right now - I can't explain it but I seem to truly need to sacrifice something with her - and starting with Christmas' absence of sex is just that, the start - I am almost afraid to admit it - but after talking with Paul and yes, feeling comfortalbe with him, that in some ways it has let my mind roam a bit more in that I don't feel threatened by him having her sexually. Again unless they're both lying, then what they feel for each other seems natural to me and not something that I feel concerned about just yet.
Of course I have thought out different scenarios - the more mild and tamer side leans towards what we are doing now with possibly truly long term condom usage. That is one of the main reasons I believe my beta desires run deeper is that I truly enjoy this and I truly enjoy knowing I have given Paul something very intense and intimate that I will not have with her. I do not understand it fully but I know that we both are okay with it and that after 2+ years - the arousal for both of us hasn't waned.
And the alternative is also true - I have long fantasized about her taking further control and denying me further and for longer periods of time. She has from time to time commented how much easier it is between us without the anxiety of wanting and scheduling sex between us and that when she can feel satisfied and not feel the physical desire, that she feels it is easier to connect with me emotionally - sharing a bottle of wine and watching the sunset sort of thing. It scares me to think this way sometimes - but I also cannot deny the arousal at the thought of having a loving and beautiful and sexy wife but to be denied sex with her. I feel these kinds of feelings when she will walk around naked in front of me and I see her body and I see that she's kept herself shaved for him. Seeing her but at the same time - even now - knowing that despite my arousal or even my desire - that we will not be intimate again until after New Years - that her body will be his again and again before it is mine - it is just an amazing feeling. In some ways, I do wish that feeling to never end - and yet, at the same time, it is a scary thought to perhaps not feel her again at all.
For the Lucy plays the football scenario - to be honest, if she would acknowledge and help alleviate my physical needs at those times - if she would pleasure me in any way - it likely would satisfy me. It sounds weird to say it - but it is how I feel. If we came to January 2nd when she's promised we'll have our time in bed - if she were to tell me at the last minute that she wanted to truly suck my cock and drain me that way - not that she will offer it - but if she did - it feels weird to say it but I would likely say okay and forego sex with her. It's not going to happen so it's just an example of how my thoughts feel right now - I can't explain it but I seem to truly need to sacrifice something with her - and starting with Christmas' absence of sex is just that, the start - I am almost afraid to admit it - but after talking with Paul and yes, feeling comfortalbe with him, that in some ways it has let my mind roam a bit more in that I don't feel threatened by him having her sexually. Again unless they're both lying, then what they feel for each other seems natural to me and not something that I feel concerned about just yet.
Steve, I don't think it really applies but victims of long term mild abuse and hostage victims form the same sort of bonds. Crucially they mistake the treatment for love or caring. We all go through life recalibration 'normal' for ourselves and our lives with those around us. We couldn't cope with change otherwise. The thing is it becomes difficult sometimes to know where enjoyable ends and unhealthy begins. Only someone close to you and able to act as an honest broker could do it. Clearly none of us here, nor Sue could do this and none of your close friends or children know enough either. You need some way to keep track yourself.
The marker that really worries me is where you started with Sue. Yours was an intensely sexual relationship right from the start and continued to be so until Robert and even then resumed after him. Now that looks like it could all but die in realistic physical terms. Six times a year and some emotional closeness isn't the same for either of you to keep the bond you had and it is unknown whether in the long term it will be enough to maintain the bond you have at present.
It may seem obvious after but if Paul were to be replaced tomorrow by someone that slowly built an emotional bond on top of great sex I believe your marriage would be doomed. None of us are skilled enough or knowledgeable enough to know whether you have already drifted beyond an irrecoverable long term position. I can only suspect that you haven't. I further believe that eight weeks of denial may remove some the allure you have right now. It may even be deep down why Sue proposed it. Just be aware that by May if you are still on the regime or worse and wanting it to continue long term, Sue may start to think about her own long term needs.
None of this will or should take away your joy and pleasure of anticipating and then experiencing the next few weeks.
Just for your own sake, go on the Internet and check your feelings against those of someone with an addiction. I'm not expecting you to tell us what you find but take note, addictions tend to be destructive in the long term.
The marker that really worries me is where you started with Sue. Yours was an intensely sexual relationship right from the start and continued to be so until Robert and even then resumed after him. Now that looks like it could all but die in realistic physical terms. Six times a year and some emotional closeness isn't the same for either of you to keep the bond you had and it is unknown whether in the long term it will be enough to maintain the bond you have at present.
It may seem obvious after but if Paul were to be replaced tomorrow by someone that slowly built an emotional bond on top of great sex I believe your marriage would be doomed. None of us are skilled enough or knowledgeable enough to know whether you have already drifted beyond an irrecoverable long term position. I can only suspect that you haven't. I further believe that eight weeks of denial may remove some the allure you have right now. It may even be deep down why Sue proposed it. Just be aware that by May if you are still on the regime or worse and wanting it to continue long term, Sue may start to think about her own long term needs.
None of this will or should take away your joy and pleasure of anticipating and then experiencing the next few weeks.
Just for your own sake, go on the Internet and check your feelings against those of someone with an addiction. I'm not expecting you to tell us what you find but take note, addictions tend to be destructive in the long term.
Peak - yes - I know that we're on a slippery-slope right now but the good thing is that we both recognize that we want to explore things together and from how things are between us - I'm confident we'll be more cautious than crazy. I do know that we have moved the ball and that now, it is rather obvious, that we couldn't ever go back to just a vanilla/normal kind of relationship, I think we both understand and accept that.
I know that it seems we are charging down this road to drive a wedge between us sexually - but at the same time - we are 9 years into this journey now and exploring some of the extremes over the next few months - while scary - I think is something we both need.
I seem to need her to literally be his and for me to experience different things both without her (for me) and for her and him. I've even admitted to Sue that I've been wicked horny these past few days - and that knowing I will be waiting likely till Monday for us to have sex together has me even more aroused and eager, if that's possible.
We have talked about our ski-trips and we're looking at the weekends of January 20-23rd and then probably a month later, February 24-27. She made it clear that she "will be his" for both of those trips and that she wants me to be sure that I'm ready for everything. As we've talked she understands that I want to experience this with them and she's said that it'll be "more of when you were away".
What will happen after February is the thing that we haven't yet begun discussing - only that we both agree that by then, that we will likely want to try to figure out just what we both want out of everything. So, I'll have the most arousing 2 months of denial approaching.
For right now though - the only thing I can say about tomorrow is that he'll be arriving here about 8:30pm - we're having an earlier dinner together and then she wanted to be home early enough so she can "get ready".
I know that it seems we are charging down this road to drive a wedge between us sexually - but at the same time - we are 9 years into this journey now and exploring some of the extremes over the next few months - while scary - I think is something we both need.
I seem to need her to literally be his and for me to experience different things both without her (for me) and for her and him. I've even admitted to Sue that I've been wicked horny these past few days - and that knowing I will be waiting likely till Monday for us to have sex together has me even more aroused and eager, if that's possible.
We have talked about our ski-trips and we're looking at the weekends of January 20-23rd and then probably a month later, February 24-27. She made it clear that she "will be his" for both of those trips and that she wants me to be sure that I'm ready for everything. As we've talked she understands that I want to experience this with them and she's said that it'll be "more of when you were away".
What will happen after February is the thing that we haven't yet begun discussing - only that we both agree that by then, that we will likely want to try to figure out just what we both want out of everything. So, I'll have the most arousing 2 months of denial approaching.
For right now though - the only thing I can say about tomorrow is that he'll be arriving here about 8:30pm - we're having an earlier dinner together and then she wanted to be home early enough so she can "get ready".
Steve, you can't shake yourself away from the events of the next few weeks, I understand that. I'm sure you will have an interesting time. Perhaps by the time you finish the second ski weekend the shine may be wearing a little thin, but who knows.
You say you are 'exploring some of the extremes over the next few months'. It's an interesting phrase and I'm not sure whether you meant it or it was just a throwaway line. If the former, it implies a temporary trip away from home, for a limited time. It implies a mental state that says if you don't like the new location, you can travel back. Maybe as you say not to vanilla land, but back. Yet the rest of your recent posts would suggest you are considering a new permanent state with perhaps even more denial. I suspect you neither know, nor care which at present, so blinded are you by the next few weeks, so I'll drop it until that's over.
Enjoy your New Year watching, enjoy your Monday mercy connection and perhaps just think after it whether or not you would have enjoyed that evening more if Sue had instead built you up and then denied you again and just supervised another wank, and if that thought is at all exciting think then what Sue would think if she knew.
You say you are 'exploring some of the extremes over the next few months'. It's an interesting phrase and I'm not sure whether you meant it or it was just a throwaway line. If the former, it implies a temporary trip away from home, for a limited time. It implies a mental state that says if you don't like the new location, you can travel back. Maybe as you say not to vanilla land, but back. Yet the rest of your recent posts would suggest you are considering a new permanent state with perhaps even more denial. I suspect you neither know, nor care which at present, so blinded are you by the next few weeks, so I'll drop it until that's over.
Enjoy your New Year watching, enjoy your Monday mercy connection and perhaps just think after it whether or not you would have enjoyed that evening more if Sue had instead built you up and then denied you again and just supervised another wank, and if that thought is at all exciting think then what Sue would think if she knew.
Peak - I've felt all along that Sue has an "end date" in mind as she has continued to say that when "spring" gets here that we're going to take a harder look at things and at other times she's said "after things with Paul" - and most recently (last night) she seemed to share more of her thoughts and they seem to also have a "well you asked for it" type of tone to them in that she said "I hope you were serious about wanting to see me with Paul as you say you are" and she proceeded to tell me that now that we're hardening up our ski-trip dates that she is reminding me, as I've shared, that she wants to "be his" all of both ski-weekends away. So perhaps she is also adopting an in-your-face attitude regarding pushing me.
The thing I can't shake and continue to feel is that she is still motivated, maybe even strongly, by my desires and what I seem to be wavering back and forth on. When I open up to her about wanting to feel more of this type of denial, she seems to push back with the "okay, I hope you know what you asked for" type of reply - and at other times when I guess I speak less concretely about what I'm looking to feel - that she changes her tone too.
What I do know is that I am quite horny and strangely almost elated at having been made to wait for her so far. She's said thanks to me several times for what she considered a part of my holiday present for her - namely her sneaking off last week to be with him - and she's already said that she can't wait for later tonight. Both of our kids are now away for the rest of the weekend and she's already teased me that "I"m already kind of wet down there". That I'm going to see and hopefully be a part of their fun later is so much what I want and I'll say - that I need to see tonight.
I know that after seeing them tonight that I'm going to feel more and more as I did when I was away - indeed I can already feel the need building inside that I am going to very likely "need" to have sex with her soon. Perhaps this is what we both need - to push ourselves and for her to deny me until this need grows to be uncontrollable. As I said, it was really really nice to feel that need in me - to want her physically. So when I talk about what I think I'd like for the future, even I know that it's far from predictable as I wouldn't have thought I would have these feelings and desires that I have. Maybe that's our equilibrium - it would fit in with things - I think experience, if it continues through the next few months, will likely be that this "every 2-3 month" schedule for us is perhaps what works best. It does sound weird to say that we're only looking at having sex maybe 4-6 times this whole year, but if that's what makes it good for us - and what keeps my arousal at the edge where I seem to want and need it, then maybe that's what it becomes.
All I know is that I am truly excited to give up or not sure if the word 'sacrifice' is correct, but I do want to experience tonight where I simply do not have sex with her while she does with Paul. For 30 years (give or take a few here and there) we have rung in the New Year by having sex together, for whatever reason, it feels good to know that this year will be different and that she'll be enjoying the New Year beginning with him this time. I can't explain it but I do know that I need to feel it.
Let me run - the day will be long enough without sitting here the entire time.
The thing I can't shake and continue to feel is that she is still motivated, maybe even strongly, by my desires and what I seem to be wavering back and forth on. When I open up to her about wanting to feel more of this type of denial, she seems to push back with the "okay, I hope you know what you asked for" type of reply - and at other times when I guess I speak less concretely about what I'm looking to feel - that she changes her tone too.
What I do know is that I am quite horny and strangely almost elated at having been made to wait for her so far. She's said thanks to me several times for what she considered a part of my holiday present for her - namely her sneaking off last week to be with him - and she's already said that she can't wait for later tonight. Both of our kids are now away for the rest of the weekend and she's already teased me that "I"m already kind of wet down there". That I'm going to see and hopefully be a part of their fun later is so much what I want and I'll say - that I need to see tonight.
I know that after seeing them tonight that I'm going to feel more and more as I did when I was away - indeed I can already feel the need building inside that I am going to very likely "need" to have sex with her soon. Perhaps this is what we both need - to push ourselves and for her to deny me until this need grows to be uncontrollable. As I said, it was really really nice to feel that need in me - to want her physically. So when I talk about what I think I'd like for the future, even I know that it's far from predictable as I wouldn't have thought I would have these feelings and desires that I have. Maybe that's our equilibrium - it would fit in with things - I think experience, if it continues through the next few months, will likely be that this "every 2-3 month" schedule for us is perhaps what works best. It does sound weird to say that we're only looking at having sex maybe 4-6 times this whole year, but if that's what makes it good for us - and what keeps my arousal at the edge where I seem to want and need it, then maybe that's what it becomes.
All I know is that I am truly excited to give up or not sure if the word 'sacrifice' is correct, but I do want to experience tonight where I simply do not have sex with her while she does with Paul. For 30 years (give or take a few here and there) we have rung in the New Year by having sex together, for whatever reason, it feels good to know that this year will be different and that she'll be enjoying the New Year beginning with him this time. I can't explain it but I do know that I need to feel it.
Let me run - the day will be long enough without sitting here the entire time.
Ha. You've clearly hit the tipple a little early today Steve. So, trying for a few months is now at least a year! Your new desire for more complete denial is being mirrored by Sue? When you admit she's actually in charge? Sex 4 to 6 times all year! I think it's all new years eve fireworks my friend. All smoke and mirrors. Not going to happen. There. My prediction for 2017. Have a good one all.
- Status
