Me and my ex-gf created fetlife accounts to explore kinks together. Then she got mad jealous at any activity I had on there, so I didn't do shit anymore. Meanwhile she was posting half naked pics, friending any guy on there... Made me insecure as hell. Everytime I tried to point out my inconfort she'd retaliate with something I did (unsignificant.. like "oh yeah, well YOU are on a private group on facebook with your friends". Or she'd call me controlling and threaten to break up.
At some point I was annoyed and replied to a guy flirting with my gf right in my face. She told me that it went far enough, she deactivated her account. A lie. She blocked me that day. Soon after I dismissed as paranoia a weird phonecall where I had the feeling she was doing stuff with another guy... Didn't want to believe my gut feeling either when one day she came to my house and asked me to eat her out right away, then asked me if it tasted funny (why?! "Oh, I was scared of having an infection..)
At some point I got into her phone logs and realize how I was played with and humiliated all this time. The girl I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with would just laugh at me behind my back with her lovers...
I got sexually broken, crushed, emasculated, no amount of therapy will ever wash away the feeling of inadequacy so I decided to embrace it. And I was an easy prey for my current women. 100+ bodycount. She like having a nice, attentive and caring boyfriend. She definitely like having sexual control through denial, comparison, she's manipulative as fuck. And when she's ovulating she need a "real man", she like to feel like a ragdoll. But I can't offer that to her. And these man can't offer her the stability and support I bring. I shield her from feeling used and humiliated by these guys by taking the blow.
And she's honest with me. I'll love her to hell for that. And this is probably my only way of experiencing intimacy with a women now. The more she has sex with other men the more she has with me. Being the little spoon and getting humped from behind while she masturbate me. Rub myself against her leg while sucking her perfect tits. Footjobs. Eating her. I have a sexlife thanks to her. And I get to see her lovers penises and it turn me on.