Peak and Far2 - there was more as the conversation continued.....
As I touched her I could feel she was relaxed about everything and it was at that point that I pulled her close to me and said "your turn now..... tell me what you're thinking....".
She was quiet for a few minutes and I told her what she'd told me "you can tell me anything". She giggled at my playing her own card and she took a breath and started to talk. She told me as I mentioned above, that she'd been looking around on the web and mentioned the chatroom/website. She also said she'd found a pen-pal who she was having fun with and that she thought it was helping her understand me a bit more. I didn't push or ask what else she'd learned or come to understand but clearly that's where she got the chastity idea from and as I felt earlier, it felt the same when she said that didn't do anything for her and I think she may have felt relieved that it didn't arouse me. What she did say was that she was feeling just better overall about herself and what she wanted.
So, there it was, I looked at her and said "and?". She took a second before she started to talk.
I guess in reading back what I recall, that there must be more to some of this but I know what I recall are the parts that were more important to hear. She said that she never wanted to hurt me and repeated what she's said for so long now, that if this really wasn't what I wanted, that she would stop. I looked at her and said "would you really?" She was quiet for a second until I added "I don't want to but I do want to know". I have known Sue for 30 years now and there was no doubt that she was serious when she said "yes, if it mattered that much to you". Whether she could is another thing I suppose, but at least I do believe her heart was in her answer.
She again said that she'd found herself incredibly turned on by having a lover. And she said that hearing me tell her again how I want that was important for her. She said that she knows it turns me on but that, even now, she still wants me to tell her and almost reinforce it. I was listening intently as it was her turn to talk openly while she looked up at the ceiling, both of us agreeing that it can be difficult to tell each other some things while we are looking into each others eyes. She said she didn't want to hurt me but that she had to admit that the excitement and as she put it, the "naughtiness" of it is something that she finds so arousing. She held my hand tightly as she also came to admit that it did turn her on, now much more than ever, to think of her only sharing her pussy with her lover.
I told her that at times I felt like we each liked the same thing from different sides - like heads and tails on a coin. She turned to me and she actually had what looked like tears in her eyes when she said that she enjoyed how horny it made her feel and then she added a second later "to make you wait sometimes". I hugged her and said that it was okay and then said it, that it was something that I wanted and enjoyed between us. She spoke quietly when she said that seeing me put on a condom, that it made her head spin with the thoughts of her only being bare for her lover. Even after all she'd said and all we'd shared, I still think it was hard for her to say that it turned her on when she thought about only having her lover's cum in her.
We talked more and I told her that I did miss the bounce in her step that she had when she was seeing Robert and she let go with some more talk about how wonderful she'd been able to feel with him. And I know that when I hugged her as she talked, that she knew I was okay with it.
But where I think we both knew the talking was going was to what she wanted for the future. She again said "you know baby, I want to feel that head over heels feeling, like an affair kind of thing, if you could let me". I looked at her and I came out and asked her if she wanted to fall in love with him - whoever he may be - as part of what she wants. She looked at me and I think was about to answer me but then she seemed to stop and almost reconsider something.
Maybe she sensed something in me or maybe she realized something in herself but she said "well, maybe that's too strong a way to say it". And in that instant, I think I felt this incredible weight just disappear. She looked at me and said "I love you baby" to which I answered in a quiet voice "that's different than screaming it out, you know...." and she said that she knew what I was saying was true, that even if she'd fantasized about falling for another guy, that she didn't know that she could ever really do it. I told her that maybe what she wanted to feel was like an "unbridled kind of lust?". She smiled and said that might be a more appropriate way to say it, and then she said "I want to care about him, I want to feel that it's more than just sex". I kept on hugging her and said it was okay and that if and when it happened, that "we'll deal with it just as we have so far". She kissed me, but then it was her turn to say that what she'd said earlier was true too, that if it did happen, that she'd want to deny me again. I know I moaned in response and that made her smile.
What surprised me to hear but wasn't unexpected was the admission that followed her statement - that if she felt the way she wanted, that she was concerned with how I'd be if she wanted more. When I asked her what she was thinking she said "you know, what you said earlier about it being just 'his pussy'". I moaned out loud in response to that and I know I pulled her tightly to me. However, I did have the presence of mind to say "well, I can't give you up altogether" to which she replied that "we'll work something out". I admit that I felt uncomfortable talking about that possible outcome so I said something like "lets cross that bridge when we get to it" in response.
We talked idly for a little longer but the way I'd said we'd cross that bridge, I guess conveyed to her that I'd maybe come to a comfortable place to hold up the discussion. I know that we talked for a bit longer but then realized it was quite late.
Now, I'm sure that I've left out lots of stuff - again, as I read back what I wrote it surprises me that I can express it all in such a short-space and yet I know that I've surely overlooked some things, but for now, I'll end this here and wait for tomorrow to see just how badly I mangled things at this time of night.
G'night all.
