Steve,
I know that you are currently very comfortable with both progress to date and the future as you see it, but this session has now gone from a few months, to half a year, to a full year, to "just not sure when." In the meantime, you get yourself into the subspace where the future doesn't seem to intrude. You did it last year with your condom fetish. Sue broke the spell then, but you were quite happy not to before she did and even argued against it. Of course once you felt he bare, you were extremely happy about and no more was said. My point is merely that you find it difficult to be objective about the end of the session once you are in it, and end up being agreeable with Sue. I can't remember the last time she suggested something (usually an extension of some sort to the program) and you said No.
There are usually several forces that keep a marriage together. Shared commitments like children is usually a big one, until they fly the nest. Shared sexual activity is another which usually lasts after the children leave. Shared emotional activity is another major one. At the moment you have seen the children preparing to leave for their own lives (not there yet), you are diminishing the shared sex and certainly weakening the sex bond between yourselves. Indeed this is an active goal of Sue. That leaves the emotional bond, so times like this last weekend and indeed this week are even more important for you. Usually holidays are too, but you have spent two of those lately actively weakening the bond as Sue sought to spend much of her time with Paul, even when not engaged in sexual activities. You in particular are busy at work, have to maintain your time share of the household overhead burden and no doubt spend some time interacting with your kids still. That leaves precious little quality time that you can spend with Sue, and a lot of that seems to have been swallowed up by Paul recently. This includes the time Sue takes in preparation. Given that your commitment to the program is long this time, you need to make sure that the time balance is right for you. This is not a sex issue which you have to be submissive about. It's an emotional issue which you have at least a 50% share in nurturing and in making sure Sue stays on the rails of, when she may want to spend more time bonding with Paul.
There is not an automatic causal link that says if you spend less time on sex (or none) that your emotional bond will bloom. It might if you divert all the time you previously spent on sex (and preparing for it) on emotional activity instead, but you and Sue are not doing that. If anything you are spending less time on emotional activity than you would do if you had your previously normal sex life and Paul was not part of the equation. For a short while you can burn the candle at both ends, but in a year you run the danger of the wicks meeting in the middle. Your discussions this week have been a great start. Carry on with them, and don't just agree with everything Sue says. She is as time poor as you are and her commitment is split between two men. That is bound to make her judgement (and her commitment to you) poor at times.
I know that you are currently very comfortable with both progress to date and the future as you see it, but this session has now gone from a few months, to half a year, to a full year, to "just not sure when." In the meantime, you get yourself into the subspace where the future doesn't seem to intrude. You did it last year with your condom fetish. Sue broke the spell then, but you were quite happy not to before she did and even argued against it. Of course once you felt he bare, you were extremely happy about and no more was said. My point is merely that you find it difficult to be objective about the end of the session once you are in it, and end up being agreeable with Sue. I can't remember the last time she suggested something (usually an extension of some sort to the program) and you said No.
There are usually several forces that keep a marriage together. Shared commitments like children is usually a big one, until they fly the nest. Shared sexual activity is another which usually lasts after the children leave. Shared emotional activity is another major one. At the moment you have seen the children preparing to leave for their own lives (not there yet), you are diminishing the shared sex and certainly weakening the sex bond between yourselves. Indeed this is an active goal of Sue. That leaves the emotional bond, so times like this last weekend and indeed this week are even more important for you. Usually holidays are too, but you have spent two of those lately actively weakening the bond as Sue sought to spend much of her time with Paul, even when not engaged in sexual activities. You in particular are busy at work, have to maintain your time share of the household overhead burden and no doubt spend some time interacting with your kids still. That leaves precious little quality time that you can spend with Sue, and a lot of that seems to have been swallowed up by Paul recently. This includes the time Sue takes in preparation. Given that your commitment to the program is long this time, you need to make sure that the time balance is right for you. This is not a sex issue which you have to be submissive about. It's an emotional issue which you have at least a 50% share in nurturing and in making sure Sue stays on the rails of, when she may want to spend more time bonding with Paul.
There is not an automatic causal link that says if you spend less time on sex (or none) that your emotional bond will bloom. It might if you divert all the time you previously spent on sex (and preparing for it) on emotional activity instead, but you and Sue are not doing that. If anything you are spending less time on emotional activity than you would do if you had your previously normal sex life and Paul was not part of the equation. For a short while you can burn the candle at both ends, but in a year you run the danger of the wicks meeting in the middle. Your discussions this week have been a great start. Carry on with them, and don't just agree with everything Sue says. She is as time poor as you are and her commitment is split between two men. That is bound to make her judgement (and her commitment to you) poor at times.
