My name says it all.

[am_I_a_cuck?]

Hi everyone. Well my question is what my name is. I will give some background and see what everyone thinks. I've lurked here for a short time and have seen all sorts of posts. I was reading the def. of a cuckold and it says technically any man who's wife has committed adultery and stays married to her is a cuckold, even if he doesn't want her to. They then got into the fetish aspects of cuckold and such. So am I a cuck because of the following thing that happened in my life? Or is it because of how my story ends?

Please I am 100% real and this happened and is going on as we speak. I've joined a forum for people who have had their spouse cheat on them and I do have an appt. for counseling in two weeks. This is very upsetting to me, so plz do not take this as a fake or joke, my heart is broken.

I've been married to my wife for almost 30 years. She is 46 and I am 49 yrs old. I will not get into the whole marital prob thing but 30 days ago tomorrow I found out something about my wife. She is very beautiful and has a great body. I am in shape and been told at least fairly attractive, lol.

Well to make a long story short I found out 30 days ago tomorrow my wife had not one but 5 affairs with different men. The affairs lasted for various time periods but she had sex multiple times with these guys. These affairs happened about 10 years ago, during a bad time in our marriage.

I suspected she slept with two guys, but never had real proof and she always denied that they were anything more than friends. So in the back of my mind she did sleep with them but I could not prove it.

I confronted her about them on Aug 26th and she admitted to them, (I found one of the former lovers on facebook, "friended" him and asked him. I figured he had no reason to lie after 10 years, plus he lived out of state. He admitted he slept with my wife, yes, but he said my wife said she was separated). I kept prodding for answers to my questions and then out of the blue she said it was actually 5 guys, (this was two weeks later).

My heart sank even further. My whole world had been crushed, now its was somehow crushed even more.

I will admit I have been crying everyday since that day on Aug 26th. We married very young, she was a virgin. I had always held out hope she didn't sleep with those two guys and I was the only guy she had been with in her life. WRONG.

She said she does not want to hurt me and she hates to see me like this. She insists we have good sex and I am the best oral guy she's ever had, (great news huh).

Then today she admitted something else that has me in a daze. She initially said she only did it about 10 years ago and with those 5 guys. Today she said she has actually been with men since then for various times, depending on how well they got along and how good the sex was....I asked her to be honest, but I was getting sick. Then she said she has a b/f she has been seeing for the past year now.

I have been totally blind to this. I must be so stupid to not know that she has been screwing guys probably our whole marriage.

So she says she doesn't want to hurt me but she doesn't want to lie anymore. She says she doesn't want to divorce me but since its all in the open now she says she is going to keep seeing this b/f and will probably get a new one whenever them two break up. She says I have to accept what she does, or divorce her, thats my two options! Can you believe that?

She loves me, still makes love to me and has me eat her, she enjoys my company and we go out often to dinner, movies, everything. But she says since I dug up she had those affairs in the past, I am going to either accept that she has sex on the side or divorce her.

I suppose wondering if I'm a cuck is very minor now. I hope counseling will help me out, I really need it.

I do not intend to divorce her, as I love her. I really do not have much of a choice in this matter. I feel so horrible.

Sorry for the long post, again plz understand this is not some BS story, my whole world is crushed.

 

[Custer Laststand]

Your wife has opened the door to enlightenment for you. Will you step through?

Am_I_a_cuck,

Hi everyone. Well, my question is what my name is.

The answer is to your question is "yes." Your wife made you her cuckold the first time she fucked another man (while married to you), and you have continued to be her cuckold ever since.

.... My heart is broken. .... My whole world had been crushed; now it's somehow crushed even more.

Don't be "crushed." Lots of men are cuckolds, including many with very hot, erotic marriages.

Here's an assignment. Read:

The Science of Cuckoldry Cuckold Couple

Then, read:

"Sperm Wars: The Science of Sex," by Robert Baker, Ph.D. (1996, BasicBooks, 319 pp. [hardcover]).

The latter will take some work, if you regard reading as work. It's an actual book. But, I guarantee that when you finish, your view of man/woman (woman/man, if you prefer) relationships will be changed forever.

Baker, incidentally, is an evolutionary biologist. He doesn't concern himself with social conventions like "wives should be faithful to their husbands." Rather, he concerns himself with how people, and other species, actually behave and why. His book is in the "science for the layperson" genre, but it isn't dry. It's fascinating, and easy to read.

I will admit I have been crying everyday since that day on Aug 26th.

I recommend you stop crying. It's a waste of emotional energy. What you've finally recognized, and are continuing to feel "emotionally crushed" over, is a natural phenomenon characteristic of pair-bond species throughout the biosphere, apparently without exception. Even female swans (and wolves), who have traditionally been thought of as selecting a "mate for life and remaining faithful ever-after," cuckold their resident males (in effect, their husbands).

[My wife] says she doesn't want to divorce me, but since it [her cuckolding of me] is all out in the open now, she says she is going to keep seeing [her current] b/f and will probably get a new one whenever they break up. She says I have to accept what she does, or divorce her, those are my two options! Can you believe that?

Yes, I can. Your wife has made you "an offer you can't refuse," as a gangsta' might put it. If you don't accept her sexuality and opt to divorce her, you'll be a fool.

She loves me, still makes love to me and has me eat her, she enjoys my company and we go out often to dinner, movies, everything.

If your wife is telling you she loves you and is doing all those things with you, she's telling you the truth. Take her at her word, because she does love you. Recognize that "love" is not synonymous with "sex," and your wife's higher-level sexuality requires her to take lovers (ergo, she does). Please recognize that's OK. It doesn't mean or even suggest she doesn't love you.

I hope counseling will help me out, I really need it.

If your counselor tries to convince you to convince your wife to stop taking lovers, otherwise you should divorce her and find another wife more to your liking, I strongly suggest finding another counselor.

I do not intend to divorce [my wife], as I love her.

No, no.... of course you should not divorce your wife. She loves you, and you love her. It's just that she's at a higher level on the "female sexuality scale" than you are on the "male sexuality scale." That's OK. Lots of marriages are like that.

You can definitely learn to live with your wife taking lovers, and learn to be intensely turned on yourself by her high sexuality and her creative ways of attaining sexual satisfaction. You are now standing in the threshold of a new, much more intense and highly-erotic relationship with your wife. She has opened the door to enlightment for you.

I hope you're willing to step through.

—Custer

 

[Saraha]

Agree with your wife that neither of you will seek divorce in the next twelve months. Your wife has been cuckolding you all your marriage - this is a habit she won't be able to break, but remember, she has not wanted to divorce you at any time in the marriage (which you should accept as a compliment, because she is not tired of you).

You and your wife should write down a list of all your sexual fantasies and all hers, and see if you can help each other to tick off everything on the list. You will learn a lot about her with such a list, because she was a virgin on your wedding day, but reached out for extra sex early in your marriage. Maybe, she did not feel she could "open up" to you and talk about her secret desires - BUT SHE COULD WITH OTHER MEN.

She is probably relieved at being able to front up, and she has told you that SHE NEEDS THESE OTHER GUYS - but she has also admitted she likes to change her lovers from time to time, none of them are there for the long haul. Her main interest in them is their "cockpower and fun times".

She wants you both to remain married, so encourage her to answer all your questions so you can start to understand her "primal needs". Please don't get angry with her or she will clam up and not tell you all the truths.

You could ask her if she would let you could date other women without her getting jealous, so you can "even up things" - she has her fun, you have your fun.

Ask her what you need to do to strengthen your marriage to her, and "stress you are not trying to get her back or "cut out the other guy" - so you can push divorce further away.

 

[Saraha]

If you are going to stay together, you will need to show respect for her boyfriends if she wishes to bring them home - something she might do to test your acceptance now she has 'fessed up'. She has taken a stand with you, so she is wearing the pants in your family.

Hope the counselling session goes well, talk about the nice things in your marriage so you can discover your way back to her heart.

 

[Susan's Slave]

You have heard two very pro-cuckolding replies that may, or may not, address where you are right now. First, you have my deepest sympathy for finding out the way that you did. Although this is many a man's fantasy, it does not appear to be yours (however your being on this site does make me pause).

I hope the counseling sessions will help you understand your feelings and hers. I would be curious to know what she finds attractive about these affairs and why she must go outside the marriage. Does she have a higher sex drive as Custer suggests or does she need to feel that she is still attractive enough, or does she enjoy the thrill of the chase as many men do, or perhaps she just enjoys being the bad girl?

You may also want to look into why her lack of fidelity hurts you as much as it does. I do not mean to suggest it shouldn't, but it appears she is an excellent partner in other ways. It would probably be a good idea to dissect exactly why you went through the bad spell that you had. I imagine that many clues to her behavior will be found there.

Best wishes.

 

[AngleBaby]

Well. She betrayed your trust for your whole marriage. She has been lying to you and continued to lie to you after you found out about the one guy.

Question is, can you ever trust her to tell you the truth after you have found out how willing she is to lie to you?

In your mind, you will now need to question if she is lying when she says she loves you.

She lied to you for so long after all. She is by no means an honest woman.

Her willingness to betray the trust you had in her for so long does reflect the respect she has for you and her love for you.

Her ultimatum to you says 1) she doesn't have the desire to communicate with you honestly about this and 2) she would rather have her BF than you.

My honest advice, take her up on the ultimatum and force her to choose, and then make no promises about taking her back if she chooses you. Your forgiveness is yours and yours alone to give. If she is not willing to put any effort into repairing your marriage, she isn't worth marrying in my opinion.

 

[am_I_a_cuck?]

Thanks for all the good replies and for understanding, this is very emotional for me. I will admit I have thought of my wife with other men in the past, but it was a fantasy. Now that its happened for real it isnt the same, at all.

So even if a man isn't a willing participant in his wifes infidelities, or if he doesn't know, he is, by definition, a cuckold? I don't mean the fetish viewpoint. I realize I am now transforming into the other side of the cuckold world, I suppose, but not by choice. I am being ****** to submit to my wifes desires, or seek a divorce. What does that say about me? I feel so horrible. I have zero self esteem, my spirit has been crushed.

I appreciate the advise from everyone and I will read what you suggested Custer. While I may have to accept my wifes infidelities I do not ever think I can do some of the things guys do here. I am not judging anyone, but I dunno, its very difficult just wrapping my head around all of this.

At this point I am more on the side of what Anglebaby said, my wife has lied to me for all of these years. She came out with it all after I found out and confronted her. I don't knwo how much I can trust her. Sure she is telling me this stuff now and what she is going to do, but thats after I found out on my own. I don't know what else she has done over the years or what she really inteneds to do in the future.

Our vows have been broken and I took them seriously. I have NEVER cheated on her in our 30 years of being married.

 

[AngleBaby]

Next step: Are your children yours genetically?
Before you come to a decision, you need to consider if it would make a difference.
Do you want genetic off spring, even if you love unconditionally the children you raised as yours, or does it not matter?
Or, if they are not yours, then the family medical history is incomplete. Do the children need to know this for their own health?
Do you need to know if your wife lied to you when she said they are your children?

 

[am_I_a_cuck?]

I am sure the kids are mine. They all look alike as sisters would to a degree...why do you say that? She SWARES condoms were and are, always used. But I do no know. I do know she likes cum in her and she tells me she likes my cum in her, but I don't think she got preggo by the other guys.

Now I you got that in my head. I know you're trying to help but....

 

[AngleBaby]

But she lied to you for years and could be lying about that as well. The implications for your children, health wise, do not change if you get the tests or not. Only if they are to have a chance to do something about it before it becomes a problem.

If she chooses you over her BF's, you have every right to invade her privacy to make sure she is not sleeping around or lying to you btw.
A person who is betrayed like this will need to see for him or her self the fidelity again and again before trust can be established.

 

[am_I_a_cuck?]

Yes I understand AB, they are all over 20 now, I dunno, jeez.

 

[AngleBaby]

It is a matter of their health that the tests are done. What your wife did was reckless and few here can condone what she did. What if one of the guys have a family history of cancer or heart disease? Genes can be passed down that can cause such heart ache for those that never were asked to be part of your wife's infidelity. What if a daughter contracts cancer and doesn't discover it until it is too late or what if her own child inherits something fatal?
Fetish aside, this is a serious matter that must be looked at pragmatically for the sake of others.

It could also imply she made you clean up another man's cum.

 

[AngleBaby]

That sets things up for an interesting discussion Mac. Do children as adults have a right to know their own genetic past for health and medical history reasons? In this case, I would side with the children being informed, but I would also side with the children never being informed in cases where family medical history of the bull is a match for the husband. Where is the defining line between the two situations?

 

[am_I_a_cuck?]

I found this place by doing a search, cuckolds, and this was the second or first one.

I agree about the kids and I will leave it. Maybe some time in the future, I duno.

I appreciate the info and support Mac, I really need it. I get a lot of help on a infidelity site as well.

For some reason I am curious as to what initially had me searching about cuckolding. If my wife had sex with those 5 guys and did not do it again, would I still have been a cuckold?

I know its water over the dam now as she is still doing it, but at first I thought it was "only 5 mens" she was having sexual relationships with.

am_I_a_cuck?, you most definitely, by definition, are a cuckold. In fact, you qualify more so than most that have posted here as cucks. I've mentioned in my past posts, many times, that true cuckolding is not an enjoyable experience for the man. You're proof of that. I've been cucked a couple times in my life ... they definitely were not enjoyable experiences. I'd be curious as to how you found your way to cuckolds.com ?

As far as your wife is concerned, no one but you can answer the " what to do " question. I, for one, could not tolerate a cuckolding relationship. My wife and I have been low-key swingers since marriage. But, here's how I see it. If you get absolutely NO enjoyment out of what she's doing, and she's not willing to change due to the stress she see's it causing you, then cut bait now, and send her on her way. Your children are grown, and they would be understanding of the situation, I'm sure.

However, if your love for your wife is so strong that you don't want to be without her, then maybe the two of you can work within some guidelines of tolerability. At least she says she's using condoms ... but, as has been said, she's been living a lie with you all alone, so how trustworthy is her word there?

As far as the kids are concerned, they're grown ... l'd leave that alone. That's water over the dam, and if, in fact, one or more of your children belong to another man, it would have a major impact on those children. It simply isn't worth all the hurt that would be spread around. I can honestly feel the aching in your stomach, and that sick feeling you have ... its not the least bit enjoyable, I know. Good luck with your decision! Mac

 

[AngleBaby]

But what about in cases paternity is uncertain? OP is long gone by now, so he cannot come back and defend her for this, but his wife is a liar. Can one trust a liar to tell the truth when it comes to paternity? The only way to be able to distinguish a difference between the two medical histories is with a test.

But the family bonds could be devastated, as you mentioned, but does that out weigh the need to know for one's health?

Oops, OP isn't gone after all.

 

[am_I_a_cuck?]

But what about in cases paternity is uncertain? OP is long gone by now, so he cannot come back and defend her for this, but his wife is a liar. Can one trust a liar to tell the truth when it comes to paternity? The only way to be able to distinguish a difference between the two medical histories is with a test.

But the family bonds could be devastated, as you mentioned, but does that out weigh the need to know for one's health?

Oops, OP isn't gone after all.

The OP is gone, the one that could've gotten my wife preggo. The guy she is with now has been around for less than a year she said.

 

[AngleBaby]

OP is a reference to you.

 

[am_I_a_cuck?]

I thought OP was "other person"? What does it mean? You said OP is long gone.

And update: Yesterday my wife and I had a heart to heart at the Ocean. It was nice, on the beach, walking, stopping, talking. We held hands, kissed, etc. We, like normally, had fun being a married couple.

So it got to her cucking of me. BTW, she isn't at all familiar with the term cuckold. She was just doing something she wanted, and when I had explained it to her, (not today but the other day), she was surprised there was a term for it and other couples do it.

She explained it like this to me. She loves me, very much. She is with me, not the other guys. She shares things with me she could not, or would not, with her lovers. We connect emotionally and physically on a level her lovers could only dream, she said.

She said how she gives me the all of her. She gives me her best pussy, and I get her heart. She likes making love me with the best and I perform oral on her like nobody can. She rarely if at all as her lovers perform oral on her. She also said I am the only one that gets to cum in her. She did say that sometimes on occasions she has had uprotected sex, but thats only if she knew the guy for a while and knew his background. Even then she didn't allow them to cum inside of her except on rare occcasions. I asked if I was the best at making love and she said we make love on a different level than with her lovers. She did say that some were bigger than me, or lasted longer, or did it more times in one night but that doesn't mean she likes it better, its different. She wasn't trying to hurt me. I am pretty big actually and thick. I do well down there in size and performance. My wife is just so horny.

She said, again, she is married to me, and wants to stay married to me. She only loves me, nobody else. But she has desires to keep lovers on the side, and she can't stop. She deeply regrets keeping it a secret but thought I'd divorce her if it came out. I know its a lie and wrong she did lie to me, but I understand at some level.

She wants me to accept our new open relationship, somehow. I asked her since she has lovers and its in the open then can I? She said she didn't ask me to have sex with other men, and me asking her shows how I can't do something like that, (its true, I could never sleep with another woman). So the answer is no.

I asked her if I can have some time to think about what I am going to do as I am deeply hurt and confused. Just because we talked about what is going on, without fighting, doens't mean I've accepted this role. I do love her and don't want a divorce so I am confused on what to do.

I thank everyone on here who is attempting to help me, it really has been helpful.

 

[lickerboy]

The best thing to do is to either accept your cuckold lifestyle or get out of it. In this position I would stay married to her. I would insist that she fuck only black men.
Then when you have babies their fatherhood would not be in doubt.

Then I would raise the precious black babies as my own. She will always need you to lick her well fucked pussy, and help with the babies.

You are a lucky man to have such a wonderful wife. Just embrace the moment and help her raise some beautiful black babies. I wish I was in your position... nothing would make me happier.

 

[msbeth]

If you just give her the sexually freedom she is asking for your marriage will be so much better.