Is This The Start Or The End?

[willsrv]

Thanks for the photo, pretty Lady, can see why she's got a "following".

As far as things getting boring: steak and lobster are great, but if you ate it every night, at some point you're going to just crave a good pizza!

Nice to see she's still letting you have a 'taste' now and then.
How's your recovery going?

 

[2wheel]

Thanks for the photo, pretty Lady, can see why she's got a "following".

As far as things getting boring: steak and lobster are great, but if you ate it every night, at some point you're going to just crave a good pizza!

Nice to see she's still letting you have a 'taste' now and then.
How's your recovery going?

Thanks.

Yup, I'm getting a taste but feel bad that's see's not getting any. I see, I feel her sexual frustration, due to PGAD it's a uncontrollable feeling for her.

I'm 98% there, I'll be seeing the wound care doctor tomorrow, it'll probably be the last visit.

 

[2wheel]

Monday 4/20. It's been another week of masturbation for HWR as we continue self-imposed house arrest.

Friday 4/17 my final visit to the wound care doc. She gave me a clean bill of health and sent me on my way.

Sunday 4/19 I decided to be a bit aggressive. As we were again watching TV I went to her easy chair pushing it to the upright position and taking her Kindle and putting it down. I got on my knees and leaned for a kiss, then went for a deeper kiss. She responded in kind. Kissing for HWR is her #1 turn-on. We kissed deeper and longer and I felt her shimmy closer to me and try to rub herself on my torso. I lifted her shirt and suck on her nipples then back to kissing. In a few more minutes of kissing I was greeted with something I hadn't in a very long time, decades actually, an orgasm from kissing.

I took her hand and helped her up, she took her Rollator and into the bedroom we went. We stripped and got into bed, after she took a pain pill. I got between her legs and we again kissed and I licked her body from her neck to her groin, when I felt the time was right I got up on my knees. I put my now fairly stiff cock against her clit and she took her Magic Wand (Big John) put on my cock, flipped it on and pressed me against her. I didn't even try to get in her, that would be an exercise in futility. Within 3 minutes I was dribbling a meager amount of cum on her clit and labia as we orgasmed together.

It was good but couldn’t tell whether it was an act of desperation on her part, or was pity, not sure which, but either way it was enjoyable.

 

[willsrv]

Glad to hear you're all healed up and the Missus is open to you taking the initiative as well.
Desperation, pity or maybe just 'my husband does his best to satisfy me and show his affection, my turn', it sounds like it was a nice, intimate encounter for both of you.

 

[2wheel]

Glad to hear you're all healed up and the Missus is open to you taking the initiative as well.
Desperation, pity or maybe just 'my husband does his best to satisfy me and show his affection, my turn', it sounds like it was a nice, intimate encounter for both of you.

It was and I "never look a gift horse in the mouth".

But I am sad she's not getting the sexual satisfaction she wants and needs.

 

[willsrv]

But I am sad she's not getting the sexual satisfaction she wants and needs.

Completely understandable.

It's a shame that with her underlying medical conditions, even if any of her 'playmates' were available to take care of her needs, you can't take a chance on them being a carrier.
All we can do is hope the medical community gets a handle on treating this and finds both a cure for those who have it and a vaccine to prevent it soon.

At least you can look forward to her burning up the sheets when it's safe for her to do so and do your best in the meantime to help her until then.

 

[2wheel]

Completely understandable.

It's a shame that with her underlying medical conditions, even if any of her 'playmates' were available to take care of her needs, you can't take a chance on them being a carrier.
All we can do is hope the medical community gets a handle on treating this and finds both a cure for those who have it and a vaccine to prevent it soon.

At least you can look forward to her burning up the sheets when it's safe for her to do so and do your best in the meantime to help her until then.

Can't take any risk. She's in the most vulnerable group. Compromised immune system, senior citizen, asthma.

We all hope the scientists will get it done and soon, but they have no champion, no head cheerleader.

Yeah I'm sure she'll be doing that, I haven't broached the post CV19 situation with her, maybe I should.

 

[2wheel]

Monday 4/27, the 6th week of self-imposed house arrest.

HWR continues her 'masturbation tour' not taking advantage of me at all.

Yesterday was a typical day:
3am Alarm for 1st round of meds (thyroid) - back to sleep within 1 minute
4am Alarm for 2nd round of meds (pain & lupus) toilet visit
4:15am Return from toilet - Big John - 2 orgasms
4:18am Back to sleep
10:04am I woke her asking if she wanted to get up or sleep - she said sleep - I heard Big John buzzing as I reached the door
11:30am I woke her asking again if she wanted to get up or sleep - she said she'd get up - that she'd be out in a bit - she headed to the toilet
11:45am I peeked in the bedroom - she was busy with Big John and a dildo
12:00pm She came out of the bedroom - alarm for round 3 of meds (pain)
12:15pm We eat
12:45pm She went to her easy chair and put on Hallmark - she loves romance movies - I call it the virgin channel - nobody ever has sex in these movies
3:00pm Hallmark movie ends
3:05pm She got into the shower
3:20pm She got into bed with Big John and her dildo
3:30pm She called me into the bedroom and told me to use the dildo on her - I did as told
3:50pm Satisfaction received - 4 orgasms with me steering the dildo
3:55pm She's asleep - dildo on the end table - Big John still in hand
4:00pm Alarm for round 4 meds (lupus)
5:45pm I wake her for dinner - she says she'll be out in a few minutes - I hear buzzing as I reach the door
6:05pm She rolls out for dinner
6:55pm Dinner's over. She heads to her easy chair and puts on Grace & Frankie
8:00pm Alarm for round 5 meds (pain)
9:00pm We head to bed - she detours to the toilet
9:20pm Gets ready for bed - brush teeth, sets up meds for following morning, etc.
9:45pm Gets into bed - says she's horny - uses the lube, her favorite dildo & Big John - asks me to suck her nipples - 5 orgasms
10:10pm She falls asleep

 

[Custer Laststand]

Generally, Custer, you're on point, but you are way off base. .......... She [my wife's ST coordinator] is NOT interested in pursuing this [hotwife / cuckold husband] lifestyle, he [her husband] IS. It's not a matter of his transformation - it's a matter of her transformation.

If your wife's ST coordinator decided she did not want to pursue a hotwife / cuckold husband form of marriage, that... of course... is totally OK. That decision, among many others, should be entirely up to her.

The concept I was trying to get across is expressed by the posts in this forum:

Should husbands obey? (Married women only.)
https://www.misterpoll.com/forums/128163/topics/166456

Note there are 4 pages of responses to this question, many from husbands. It does not, generally speaking, involve the question of cuckolding. Maybe your wife's ST coordinator would find it of interest, and potentially of value to her marriage (if she's still married), or in her consideration of future husbands (if she and her husband divorced), if you were to pass the above link along to her.

 

[2wheel]

Hi Custer

I haven't heard from her since the last contact.

Interesting link. I've seen many relationships where 'she' is in charge. In her regard my take is that she wanted to live the lifestyle he didn't - they did. She found it wasn't for her but he liked it and wanted to continue - they didn't. Clearly she is in charge.

 

[Custer Laststand]

Hi Custer

I haven't heard from her since the last contact.

Interesting link. I've seen many relationships where 'she' is in charge. In her regard my take is that she wanted to live the lifestyle he didn't - they did. She found it wasn't for her but he liked it and wanted to continue - they didn't. Clearly she is in charge.

Thanks for the update, 2wheel.

 

[willsrv]

Monday 4/27, the 6th week of self-imposed house arrest.

HWR continues her 'masturbation tour' not taking advantage of me at all.

Too bad, for a while there it seemed like she was getting more into involving you. Although she is still having you use a dildo on her and suck her nips, so maybe she will increase your activities again.

Yesterday was a typical day:

WOW! A schedule like that for taking meds and broken sleep would definitely take a toll on anyone even without all the masturbation.
Not easy on you either, making sure she gets up to take her meds and all.

 

[2wheel]

Too bad, for a while there it seemed like she was getting more into involving you. Although she is still having you use a dildo on her and suck her nips, so maybe she will increase your activities again.



WOW! A schedule like that for taking meds and broken sleep would definitely take a toll on anyone even without all the masturbation.
Not easy on you either, making sure she gets up to take her meds and all.

Interest in me? On and off. Not being able to get hard enough to get in her is, I am sure, frustrating for her. Hence 'desperation' on her part. Of course it's frustrating for me as well, we used to fuck several times a day, now it's all I can do to perform sloppy seconds.

She sleeps no less than 12 hours a day, most times 16-18. In an earlier stroke, (she's had 5) she lost bladder control. We found that frequent toilet visits helped, so I set an alarm for every 2 hours. I'd wake her and take her to the toilet, at that time she was somewhat incapacitated physically as well. 1st stroke paralyzed her left side, recovered now, though some weakness.

 

[willsrv]

Interest in me? On and off.

Perhaps I am misunderstanding what you meant by:
"HWR continues her 'masturbation tour' not taking advantage of me at all."

She sleeps no less than 12 hours a day, most times 16-18. In an earlier stroke, (she's had 5) she lost bladder control. We found that frequent toilet visits helped, so I set an alarm for every 2 hours. I'd wake her and take her to the toilet, at that time she was somewhat incapacitated physically as well. 1st stroke paralyzed her left side, recovered now, though some weakness.

5 strokes! Wow!
My Wife suffered one in childbirth that paralyzed her left side as well, but she totally recovered physically. Unfortunately, it affected her short term memory and she became dyslexic.

She (and you) may be sleeping a lot as far as quantity, but with all the waking to take meds and toilet trips, the quality of sleep takes a hit and not getting good restful sleep takes its own toll on both body and mind over time.
Too bad about the incontinence. Perhaps she might consider trying to use a catheter when she sleeps at night so she can sleep through until morning.

 

[2wheel]

She uses me infrequently, preferring masturbation.

Incontinence is from an earlier stoke, that has now subsided, I was explaining the past, I should have been clearer, sorry. FYI catheter infection rate is very high.

She also has short term memory issues, but it's sparitic, though mostly bad. She'll forget who she fucked the day prior, even had an instance when she forgot she was a hotwife. No dyslexia but math is impossible If I ask her to add 1+2+3 she'll give me 4 or 5 wrong answers till she gets it right, subtractions is even worse, 3-1 will take 3 attempts before correct.

Her strokes have all been hemorrhagic caused by an AVM. With more to come.

Glad yours has recovered at least physically, I understand and feel your pain.

 

[willsrv]

Dryness is definitely an age issue, plenty of lube, every guy that fucks her needs lube, every dildo needs lube. I buy it for her by the gallon. LOL! The pharmacy checkout looks at me and smiles, little does he know it's for other guys.

I wish it was just a question of needing a lot of lube, I'd gladly order a 55 gallon drum of the stuff!
Too bad your pharmacist isn't one of her fuck buddies, he'd probably give you a big discount.

After so many years I'm used to being denied, still don't like it, but it is what it is and I can't change it especially now that I suffer from occasional ED.

I hear that, especially the occasional ED! Thought about trying the little blue pill, but figure why bother. Denial sucks, although in my case it's more self imposed as I tend to not take advantage of the few options left to me.

BUT at time she does "let" me fuck her as sloppy seconds when I can.

You two are definitely way more daring and adventurous than we are. I'd be happy to take thirds or fourths just to see her GB with other guys! Even "clean up" and fluff everybody in between.

Pegging has never arose but if she offered I'd gladly comply, but harnesses cause her leg pain due to a neurological disorder.

Too bad about the harness problem. If the idea ever does come up and you/she want to pursue it, she could try one of those insertable dildos like a "Feel-do" and hold it in place with a snug fitting pair of shorts. Just need to figure out the right spot to cut a hole in the shorts.

Overtly she wants to control my orgasm, when I masturbate alone she tells me to save it for her later, but later never arrives.

Mine is pretty much the same about me masturbating alone. She wants me to do it with her, but if I'm with her I don't want my hands on me, I want them on her!

I suck cock whenever I can, she's not aware of it. But does 'partake' on this occasion when I 'service' her partners. I'd have no problem her watching me on a regular basis but it';s not in the cards. Yours seems to have put a lot of conditions out there for you.

After dealing with a nonsexual trust issue, I can't go there- not judging, but I won't do something behind her back.
There are a lot of conditions, but they were mutually agreed to after a lot of discussion and reflection on past experiences.

I wish she could and would take on a few fuck buddies and I'd gladly "fluff" or fully service them, but about the only way I'll ever have a cock in my mouth again or feel one on mine would be if we met another couple open about their sexuality, where the wife doesn't like to suck cock, but is OK with her husband and I being blow buddies or even just having me service him for her.

Actually, the part about feeling another mouth on my dick isn't totally true as she has offered to find a submissive to service me and did, in fact, arrange that once, but I foolishly turned it down at the time because I didn't feel comfortable with it. Won't make that mistake again!

The other medical stuff is just too depressing to delve into right now.

No need to even go there unless you want to. I'm sure we've driven off everyone that just comes here to read about your sexual adventures. I just figured that since no-one is out having sex adventures thanks to this Covid crap, I'd let you know that you're not alone at being in a female led relationship with a woman that has physical/medical issues that compromise our sexual lives.

 

[2wheel]

I wish it was just a question of needing a lot of lube, I'd gladly order a 55 gallon drum of the stuff!
Too bad your pharmacist isn't one of her fuck buddies, he'd probably give you a big discount.
Funny


I hear that, especially the occasional ED! Thought about trying the little blue pill, but figure why bother. Denial sucks, although in my case it's more self imposed as I tend to not take advantage of the few options left to me.
I take Cialis daily and use V occasionally, best I can get is semi-hard, just enough to get in her after a stretching and natural 'man' lube.


You two are definitely way more daring and adventurous than we are. I'd be happy to take thirds or fourths just to see her GB with other guys! Even "clean up" and fluff everybody in between.
She was extremely promiscuous in her youth, who says you can't go home again. She's done 2 GBs with me, 1 was a success 1 was a failure, she wants to do more.


Too bad about the harness problem. If the idea ever does come up and you/she want to pursue it, she could try one of those insertable dildos like a "Feel-do" and hold it in place with a snug fitting pair of shorts. Just need to figure out the right spot to cut a hole in the shorts.
I just looked at the Feeldoe & Realdoe. They may work should the occasion arise.


Mine is pretty much the same about me masturbating alone. She wants me to do it with her, but if I'm with her I don't want my hands on me, I want them on her!
Control freaks.


After dealing with a nonsexual trust issue, I can't go there- not judging, but I won't do something behind her back.
There are a lot of conditions, but they were mutually agreed to after a lot of discussion and reflection on past experiences.

I wish she could and would take on a few fuck buddies and I'd gladly "fluff" or fully service them, but about the only way I'll ever have a cock in my mouth again or feel one on mine would be if we met another couple open about their sexuality, where the wife doesn't like to suck cock, but is OK with her husband and I being blow buddies or even just having me service him for her.

Actually, the part about feeling another mouth on my dick isn't totally true as she has offered to find a submissive to service me and did, in fact, arrange that once, but I foolishly turned it down at the time because I didn't feel comfortable with it. Won't make that mistake again!
Sexual, emotional, affection starvation can be very debilitating. In a moment of starvation I found a guy online. I was hooked ever since. In 2018 I blew 50-70 different guys. If she knew I can't even imagine the fall out. BUT I do suck her partners when she tells me to. I wonder what would happen if she told me it'd be OK to bring guys home for me to play with like she does. Trust is a funny thing, it takes many different forms. For example: when we married I trusted that she would be available to me.


No need to even go there unless you want to. I'm sure we've driven off everyone that just comes here to read about your sexual adventures. I just figured that since no-one is out having sex adventures thanks to this Covid crap, I'd let you know that you're not alone at being in a female led relationship with a woman that has physical/medical issues that compromise our sexual lives.
I'm not sure FLR is accurate, but certainly female controlled.

 

[willsrv]

I take Cialis daily and use V occasionally, ...

Didn't know you could take any of these things daily. Any side effects? Is it safe to combine the two?

Sexual, emotional, affection starvation can be very debilitating. ....

.... Trust is a funny thing, it takes many different forms. For example: when we married I trusted that she would be available to me.

Both very true.
Did you ever have a sit down an actually discuss your feelings about these with her?
Were they due to her medical issues or because she lost interest?

In a moment of starvation I found a guy online. I was hooked ever since. In 2018 I blew 50-70 different guys. If she knew I can't even imagine the fall out.
BUT I do suck her partners when she tells me to. I wonder what would happen if she told me it'd be OK to bring guys home for me to play with like she does. ....

Maybe you should discuss this with her.
NOT the part about you going out and blowing all those guys, but lay out the facts about how you feel, the way she shuts you out sexually and sometimes emotionally, how you feel about dealing with your own sexual inadequacies and suggest that if she isn't interested in truly being your sexual marriage "partner", that maybe allowing you to satisfy your needs with others as you do for her might help.

Then tell her that you have found that you enjoy it when she tells you to suck her partners and that because of the ED and the fact that you don't want to become emotionally involved with another woman, that you were thinking that finding guys you could swap blowjobs with or just suck off might work for you and, if she liked any of them and they her, you'd be happy to share.

At worst nothing changes or maybe she cuts off what little sex she gives you and stops "making" you suck her partners because she doesn't want to be married to a faggot.

More than likely, though, she should eventually realize that you've been a pretty devoted husband, appreciate all you do for her and allow her to do, and see that her condition and your ED have taken their toll on you emotionally and sexually as well.
Maybe she will respond by becoming more sexually available to you, allowing you to be more active in her sexual escapades or agree that you chould find other guys to satisfy your needs. Maybe a combination.

Worst case: she cuts you off sexually, but still needs and depends on you so nothing really changes much and you keep sucking dick on the sly. There might be some tension for awhile, but that should fade over time.

Good case: you've been honest, put your feelings and needs on the table which she respects and tries to accommodate you in someway, which is better than what you have now.

Best case: good case + you can openly suck and get sucked by other guys with her blessings and maybe even participation.

If she doesn't want to talk about any of this, write it down and give it to her to read.

One of the best things I did with my Wife when we were having communication problems was to start a daily journal, sort of an open ended dialog. I wrote down things that happened throughout the day, things we said and how I understood and felt about them. Issues I had with our relationship, things I felt missing, things I wanted.
Then I'd send it to her and she'd read and respond with her thoughts and feelings. At first, it was a bit contentious, but eventually, we found we could set the emotions aside and address the issues and misconceptions we each had. We found there was a lot of "you said - but that's not I meant" stuff happening and could sort it out through the journal. We still do this whenever something creates tension between us.
Maybe it could help you as well.

 

[2wheel]

Didn't know you could take any of these things daily. Any side effects? Is it safe to combine the two?



Both very true.
Did you ever have a sit down an actually discuss your feelings about these with her?
Were they due to her medical issues or because she lost interest?




Maybe you should discuss this with her.
NOT the part about you going out and blowing all those guys, but lay out the facts about how you feel, the way she shuts you out sexually and sometimes emotionally, how you feel about dealing with your own sexual inadequacies and suggest that if she isn't interested in truly being your sexual marriage "partner", that maybe allowing you to satisfy your needs with others as you do for her might help.

Then tell her that you have found that you enjoy it when she tells you to suck her partners and that because of the ED and the fact that you don't want to become emotionally involved with another woman, that you were thinking that finding guys you could swap blowjobs with or just suck off might work for you and, if she liked any of them and they her, you'd be happy to share.

At worst nothing changes or maybe she cuts off what little sex she gives you and stops "making" you suck her partners because she doesn't want to be married to a faggot.

More than likely, though, she should eventually realize that you've been a pretty devoted husband, appreciate all you do for her and allow her to do, and see that her condition and your ED have taken their toll on you emotionally and sexually as well.
Maybe she will respond by becoming more sexually available to you, allowing you to be more active in her sexual escapades or agree that you chould find other guys to satisfy your needs. Maybe a combination.

Worst case: she cuts you off sexually, but still needs and depends on you so nothing really changes much and you keep sucking dick on the sly. There might be some tension for awhile, but that should fade over time.

Good case: you've been honest, put your feelings and needs on the table which she respects and tries to accommodate you in someway, which is better than what you have now.

Best case: good case + you can openly suck and get sucked by other guys with her blessings and maybe even participation.

If she doesn't want to talk about any of this, write it down and give it to her to read.

One of the best things I did with my Wife when we were having communication problems was to start a daily journal, sort of an open ended dialog. I wrote down things that happened throughout the day, things we said and how I understood and felt about them. Issues I had with our relationship, things I felt missing, things I wanted.
Then I'd send it to her and she'd read and respond with her thoughts and feelings. At first, it was a bit contentious, but eventually, we found we could set the emotions aside and address the issues and misconceptions we each had. We found there was a lot of "you said - but that's not I meant" stuff happening and could sort it out through the journal. We still do this whenever something creates tension between us.
Maybe it could help you as well.

No issues double dipping - Cialis is prescribed as a daily V as needed (prn)

Thanks for the well thought out suggestions. I've tried each and very one including professional help, $35k later the last session was the same as the 1st, waste of time money & effort.

This stuff started pre-stroke. Now with 5 behind her and many neurological issues I consider our physical relationship a lost cause. I am resigned to what is our new normal, which by the way can change at any moment and often does.

Today's norm is masturbation for her, me watching.
2 weeks ago norm was using Big John on her and me together.
Pre CV19's norm was her fucking other guys several times a week and me watching, JOing, clean-up and sloppy seconds
Post CV19 who knows.

Honestly I'm resigned to the ever changing norm and understand I'm a part in one way or another. For arguments sake, if she asked me to make a choice between A & B:
A = she stops having sex with others and I become exclusive (as it was pre-hotwife)
B = she continues having sex with others and I get what I can when I can (as it is post-hotwife)
I'd pick option B.

 

[willsrv]

Damn, you're riding a real emotional rollercoaster!
Makes me grateful mine remains pretty constant, don't know how I could handle it if she went through the kind of changes yours does, especially with that sort of frequency.

Best wishes for regaining "Option B" as soon as possible with added benefits!