So - after having a lot of fun together on Friday night as I'd posted, when Saturday night came around I was thinking maybe she'd be horny, after all, not having seen Paul and such. We had some alone time and Sue came to me and said that she wanted to talk to me upstairs in the bedroom. So, I was thinking maybe she was still horny.
Well, she came to me with sort of the opposite and said she wanted to talk to me. I guess it's related in a way to what Rick asked. She was all over the place but what it came down to if I summarize it is that she is confused. And I guess in a way it's my fault. What I felt she wanted to know was whether it was something I still really wanted to do - to be the beta for her. When I said yes she said to me that she felt that Friday night that I didn't want it and that she felt that I was really trying to make her cum. I told her that I did still want it but that I guessed I'd let my old self out and that I thought I was trying to "make up" for her not being with Paul.
She looked at me and she said that she loved me and that she knew that what I was doing was something that I thought was the right thing but that she felt that maybe I shouldn't "try so hard" with her and that, at one point, she came out and said that she wanted to let this happen if it's what I want and she said that she felt herself feeling conflicted. She asked me if I needed her to cum with me to feel okay and I had to tell her no, that I could cum without it. She said that she would still cum with me when she needed and wanted to (and she admitted that she did on Friday) but that she wanted me to make sure I understood and that I was okay with it.
We talked a bit more - she told me that she knew this wasn't going to be easy for me, and as she held my hand and really looked at and talked to me she told me that she did want it. She looked at me and said that she did want to do it and she said she could understand if I was getting cold-feet about it but it was obvious she wanted me to answer her seriously. She told me "it'll be alright baby" and that she was sure that it wasn't going to be that bad after we got used to it - and she even apologized to me for "being needy" in that she sort of admitted that she felt a little guilty herself at it.
I knew I was wrong in a way. I told her so, I told her that I knew I needed to have my release and when I felt her responding, that I went with it. She told me, matter of factly, that in the future that she'd "probably feel pretty good" but that I should remember that while she will feel good when she wants it (and she even said, if I want more from you baby, I'll tell you), that as she gets more into being with Paul, that it will be more just-for-me than anything else. I told her that she'd said this before and that I guess she meant it.
She looked at me and said that this wasn't easy for her, especially when she isn't seeing Paul as much as she wants to and she knew it wasn't easy for me to hear it from her but agian, she came back to "if it's really what you want" that I should try to fulfill my side of it too.
At one point I told her that I wasn't sure I was ready for this so soon into January and she said that it's making her feel more on-edge because of the kids still being home and she admitted that if she was seeing Paul as much as she'd wanted (like before Christmas) that she didn't think it would be as much of thought on her part.
Our talking continued where she told me that she'd been trying for a while to really get herself mentally into what we were doing and that it wasn't easy over the holidays with how all of the dynamics changed. She asked at first and then changed and at the end, told me that after the kids go back to school that she wants to spend a night with him soon, they talked about maybe after the kids leave on 1/24 and I asked her if he would come to our house and she said "I hope".
I don't want to make this conversation as something confrontational. It wasn't. It was actually very loving and included a lot of time of us holding hands or hugging and kissing. She looked at me was we hugged when she felt my hard-on and at one point she giggled and said "I love that this (as she cupped my cock) tells me that you are okay about all of this". And even though it wasn't a Wednesday night as we talked she looked at me and said that she loved that I was horny about it and that she "knew" it was okay for me.
Unfortunately we had to make a visit to some family friends yesterday who are Jewish and had a death in their family so we visited them yesterday afternoon for a little while. That sort of put us out of the mood for last night and as we were getting to bed she turned to me and asked me if I would help "clear the way" for her to see him on Tuesday and she kissed me and said "I hope you understand and am okay with this". I hugged her back and I said "it's fine baby" and in my head all I can think is that she needs it with him which makes me so horny to think about.
Rick - I will likely talk to Sue a bit about your question. But I don't know that I can answer it just yet as I still don't have a full read-out on how things will change with Paul over time. Clearly he knows that I've started to use condoms with her so to me it really becomes a question of whether their time together should be just theirs and that answer, I think, can only come from her. A part of me has the feeling that she doesn't want to really be doing it with me while she's with him. I guess if she's not going to cum and be into it with me, that it would be a little weird if I was taking a turn with her. Again, I still don't have the full read-out on how things will wind up between the 3 of us and I suspect that until our kids leave again and things go back to their former 'norm', that I won't know.
More later.
