Wife Wanting To Move Out Short Term

[corvettestingray]

I am posting her looking for real answers, nothing perverted or fantasy or twisted etc because this is my marriage on the line here with real consequences. Im 43 and my wife and 38 years old and we have been married for the past 19 years. We have 3 kids together, we both share alot of the same interest, both very fit, both love to travel, both alot of things basically so its no as though we dont have anything in common, alot of our stress has come from her spending and living a lifestyle we simply cant afford. We have been through some very stressful times the last 2 years or so for multiple reasons including loosing our house to forclosure and with her going through a midlife crisis thing and have had to change our spending and lifestyle habits a good deal. Anyhow this whole time she has been taking advice from her friend, who doesn't like me by the way, and who has pushed all these things on her telling her this and that is what she needs and she listens to everything she says like its the gospel. Ok to the point. Her friend kept telling her that she should be having sex with other men and to get me to agree to an open relationship and she would set my wife up with all these different guys and that would fix this midlife crisis thing she was going though. I agreed to let her sleep with other men when it came down to it only because i thought she was going to leave me (thats what her friend kept telling her to do) but told her i have no interest in seeing other women. We had just moved into our new home after the forclosure of our last and was just gonna let her get this out of her system and work on our problems. Since then though it has gone straight down hill. When i first started letting her go out she was much more loving to me and it really kind of resparked things for us, well at least for the first month or so. After the first month she started acting like she didnt want to have sex with me and when i kept pushing her it turned into a fight everytime and she finally told me only if i wore a condom and that she had already bought some for me to wear. At first I was worried she had thought she had contracted a STD but she denied that and then it made me mad and all sorts of emotions. I think its another thing her friend was pushing honestly but i agreed to wear one just to stop the fight and be able to have sex with my own wife. She showed me the different cuckolding stuff online saying it makes couples stronger but im not getting anything out of this. The sex did not last long either though and it turned into her just wanting to give me a handjob with no sex at all. All this time she is spending less time at home and staying with her friend pretty much every weekend. She tells me absolutely nothing about who she is seeing or what she is doing but i can tell alot by looking at her online banking statements. I go though her purse and she will have different sex toys, lube, lingerie, etc. She is spending way too much money again and has gone down to part time at work (said they ****** her to due to cuts but talked to her own supervisor and she confirmed it was her choice). At home she is like a different person now and when she comes or goes to the shower she covers herself with a robe and changes in the bathroom or her closest now where i dont even see her naked anymore. In the bed there is no touching no sex and no kissing anymore. The only thing happening there is if i get down between her legs (she acts like shes alseep by the way) and i go down on her, and i do that every night shes home just feel some kind of connection to her. When i try to talk to her about any of this she gets mad and changes the subject and swears that we are still a couple and that doing all this is helping her mentally and going to make us stronger in the end. She keeps emptying out her checking account and asking me for money (separate checking now) and asked me to take out a 10k loan for her recently to help her find a job?? How giving her 10k is gonna help her find a job IDK. Im sorry to get off subject so back to the point she has been dating this guy for the past month that im aware of who is 24 years old and is wanting to move in with him full time to "help him get through some things hes going through" she tells me. The only reason she even tells me all this is because of arrangements of taking care of our daughter (two oldest are teens already). She keeps telling me this is just gonna make us stronger and she has to get all of this out of her system right now but I feel its just another move in the wrong direction. Anyhow, Ive told her we are going to sit down and talk when she comes home and we are going to do something different are this relationship is about to come to an end. I welcome any advice from anyone who as gone through this and i know our relationship is not true cuckolding as I read here but any helpful input please provide. I will update what our conversation provides once i have a chance to talk to her hopefully tonight. thanks

 

[Nazareth]

Wow, that's too bad to hear.
It's hard to give advice in these situations, but if I can offer any, it is to hope for the best and prepare for the worst.
The reasons for a "mid-life crisis" are rarely grounded in reality, and while the idea of freewheeling through life is certainly enjoyable, it can't be sustained. The truth of the matter is what she thinks/feels/whatever is irrelevant.
Decisions have to be made with what is best for your children in mind, first and foremost. It's fairly clear she can't control herself, and you can't control her (no matter how hard you may want to), so your situation is likely to get worse before it gets any better. Do what you need to do to protect your children and keep them in a stable environment.
If that means doing it without her, hitch your pants up, and get after it!

Best of luck to you both!

 

[2wheel]

WOW. I'm no expert by any means but so to say it sound like it's time to move on.

 

[All-In]

It sounds like the only thing she cares about is herself, and herself only. Possibly she is angry at you for a non real reason.

Her friend is not helping the situation, unless you consider poisoning her mind help.
This is the substance of many mens fantasies, but when it happens for real, it stings more then you would think.

I think that you really only have two options.

1. Put an end to everything, and work on keeping your children, let her go and dont take her back when she comes begging.
2. Surrender to her way of doing the relationship, and hope that she will give you more attention, but knowing that she may not.
if you go this route, you will have to let her know that you are fully on board, and accept the responsibility for that choice.

Hope your talk went well.

 

[indicuck]

what i feel is, she is trying to cuckold you (already cuckolded). only oversight she done is she should have discussed and keep discussing with you what fun she getting and you getting out of this.

accept it and play your role

 

[corvettestingray]

Thank you all for the input, i appreciate it. Yes her friend is the cause of alot of the problems we are having. She is very well do to and doesn't have to work and encourages my wife to spend on things she cant afford and do things she shouldn't. Shes older than my wife, 45 or so, and doesn't have kids and basically shops and goes out to eat to the gym and travels which is nice but not realistic for the average person. She is a total bitch to just about everyone and bashes me endlessly about how I force my wife to work when she shouldn't have to and how I should buy her a BMW and I dont spend enough on her etc (we only make about 105k a year combined). In alot of ways i think she is very jealous of my wife and thats why she manipulates her. Anyhow, they have been running and workout partners for years and i have never had any luck separating my wife from her. Im almost certain the guy my wife is seeing she met through her because her friend fucks all these younger guys at the gym and has always tried to push guys on my wife. It would really be a huge step forward if we could get her out of the picture. Im sorry if i get off topic here or ramble. To the point though, I did sit my wife down last night when she came home and we had a talk. She didnt want to but I told her our marriage was about to end and so she agreed. She says she does not want that to happen. She still says she just wants to get all of this out of her system first though before we try to fix things and that her hormones are all out of wack right now. She says she feels like she was about to have a nervous breakdown and this guy shes seeing is the only thing that is fixing that. I told her I would stick by her for now and we would get through this but she has to be completely honest with me and tell me everything and not lock me out anymore. Anything short of that and I didnt feel our relationship stood a chance. I was clueless to any of this until now, but she tells me she has had sex with 3 different guys other than the guy she is seeing now all in the last 6 months, but is only interested in only seeing him now. She says before that she has been faithful to me our entire marriage and I can honestly say I have been to her as well. I feel a certain weight has been lifted off now because I feel pretty confident she is telling the truth about things almost as if she wanted to get this off her chest. Honestly, her having sex with another person is not even the difficult part of it for me, its been not being able to talk to her and connect to her. That is what I miss more than anything having open communication. If we can get that back Im OK with her having sex with this guy if it makes her as happy as she says. So im not really sure where our relationship is headed but i am going to give this a chance and see if it dosent fizzle out between this guy and her and then her and I can start to work on things again. I noticed she is no longer wearing our wedding band on her finger but does wear it on her necklace. She is going to start spending more time at home during the week with the kids, at least until they go to bed, and in return I agreed she can stay over there and do whatever she likes after they go to bed and the entire weekends. In alot of ways listening to her she sounds like a different person now. Im not sure she hasnt already had a nervous breakdown because she is telling me all of this stuff and it sounds like a teenager that has no responsibilities at all. In all the years we have been married she would never try anal sex with me. Now she does it regularly like its nothing with him..just stupid stuff like that shes telling me. For the time being I am respecting her wishes and not gonna try to have sex with her or kiss her or any of that until she gets everything sorted out and says she wants to stay faithful to this guy right now...and i am ok with that. It was her friends idea as well to tell me I had to wear a condom if I was to have sex anymore because her friend told her I would be outraged and refuse and wouldn't have sex with her anymore. Anyhow Im just rambling again but just alot going on in my mind. Thanks again for all the input and ill post more down the road

 

[All-In]

Communication is extremely important in any relationship, or lifestyle. Even more so when approved infidelity is in play.

It is great that you got it all out and she is willing to talk about it all with you. Going forward, Insist on it staying that way.
When she tells you the stupid stuff....be supportive, encouraging, as it is good she is opening up sexually for her other man.

It takes a great deal of confidence and self assurance to take the road you have with her. Hopefully it will become a huge benefit to you.

 

[SquirmingSub]

@corvettestingray

While I would not consider this a forum to come to for relationship advice I can understand why you would have inquired here so openly. I will say upfront that it is good that you indicated up front that you were posting and seeking “Real Answers” not simply the perverted, fantasy or twisted that many of the posters here would have responded with.

You are correct, this is your marriage, a marriage between a man and a woman and with any marriage there are real implications and consequences. So you have been married for 19 years, with 5 years difference in your respective ages, and you have 3 kids together. You have indicated that you have a lot of similar and complimentary interest as it relates to activities outside of the bedroom. Based on your ages, you married your wife when she was 19 years and you were 24 years.

None of us here can truly provided you with actual relationship advice beyond that of sharing own experiences with you and giving you some insight through helping you answer many of your questions through your own self reflections. As another post has already mentioned to you, open honest communication is extremely important within any relationship and especially so when you as a couple are involved in what many would consider an alternative lifestyle dynamic. Not all alternate lifestyle dynamics includes approved infidelity although many variations discussed on this forum do. In my opinion not only should a couple have open honest communication, the communication should also be nonjudgmental and both of you should be very open with each other about your desires, fantasies and preferences. I cannot stress this enough, the communication is extremely important.

With that said, you have made several remarks which can adversely impact any relationship (traditional or otherwise) and has been known to bring many relationships to an end through divorce. You made mention that your family landed on financial rough point resulting in the foreclosure of your primary residence in turn losing your house. Your wife continues to spend money as if it grows on trees, and has not accepted that some aspects of your way of life must change as it relates to the overall spending habits due to the previously indicated financial changes. You also mentioned that she has a close friend (gym partners) that is a bit older, has no children and in many ways to providing your wife encouragement on how to express herself through acting single without a care in the world.

You have referred to this as a “midlife crisis”; at 38, your wife is already in her sexual phase that many would consider her sexual awaking, coupled with your household financial down turn. I would venture to bet that your wife did not have a lot of experiences (sexually speaking) prior to your marriage when she was only 19 years old. Yes while your wife has been a great mothers to your 3 kids, you and your wife may be best friends, may have an amazing marriage outside of the bedroom, the recent financials issues can be a stressor to an issue which was already present in the back ground. It is very likely that she had this pinned up sexual desires long before your recent household financial issues. So many married couples truly do not have nonjudgmental open and honest communication. This tends to result in unsanctioned infidelity (cheating), spending excessive amounts of money and eventual divorce.

As others have already told you, it takes a great deal of confidence and self assurance to take the road you have with your wife considering the issues that you currently have within your marriage. It is typically best to identify the issues, come to a conclusion, ideally have a resolution, and then execute on it. Simply being a passive participant in a lifestyle that you may not have a vested interest in is not ideal. Hopefully it will become beneficial for you BOTH as a married couple.

In my case, I have been within the lifestyle in one way or another for more than 25 years; I am currently 45 years old, been married 3 times and the 2 prior marriages ended as result of something not related to the alternative lifestyle dynamic. During my first marriage when my than wife and I were still very young, our relationship began based on our sexual connection, we remained married for 5 years, had a generally open relationship, and we both married for the wrong reasons. Once we realized this and had a very deep discussion about it, we divorced before the relationship could turn toxic. Even now, we have remained good friends; I actually introduced her to her second husband and they were swingers for many years. As to my second marriage; she was very much aware of my prior past as a cuckold and we were both generally on the same page as we married. We were married over 10 years and the lifestyle dynamic was also not the reason we divorced. My than wife and I were in a similar situation as you have described as she spent much more money than we were making each year which caused a financial strain on the marriage. She was well educated although it was if she had no idea or self control when it came to her spending. We also lost a house to foreclosure as a result. I am now married to my current and my last wife. My wife and I share everything especially when it comes to communication. We have open honest nonjudgmental communication about everything from traditional topics, alternative topics, and topics that even some may consider taboo, desires, and fantasies, preferences in and outside of the bedroom.

With that said, you and your wife need to have a discussion to level set your marriage before you both continue down the rabbit whole without a firm understanding of what you both expect from this new arrangement. Once you have level set the mutual arrangement than you both will know what your next steps can be.

Since all this went down your wife has been with 4 different men in the last 6 months, 3 of which were short term guys and your wife has effectively become sexually exclusive with the current man. Your wife has also shared with you that she does sexual activities with this man that she had never did with you.

Based on your own omission; you are currently respecting your wife’s wishes and you are not actively pursuing sexual relations with your wife. This is allowing your wife to be sexually exclusive and faithful to her current lover. You have also said that you are ok with it although it is not clear if this is a short term or long term agreement.

A few things to consider:

• Are you truly okay with your wife continuing to enjoy other men?
• Are you truly okay with and emotionally prepared for the possibility that you may be denied intercourse with your wife moving forward while she continues to enjoy other men or with a specific man that she may have taken as an exclusive lover?
• Are you truly okay with and emotionally prepared for the possibility that your wife may choose to divide her time between your family residence and that of her current/future exclusive lover?

If you can truly say YES to all of the things to consider as mentioned above and IF you and your wife have resolved all the other outstanding relationship issues, I would suggest that you both find a way to keep the judgment free, open, and honest communication going. You should also learn how to become your wife’s best friend, the best friend that she can talk to about everything include yet not limited to how she is with her other sexual partner/lover. Become that very supportive best friend, provide your wife with all the encouragement that a best friend would typically provide. Embrace the fact that you are no longer her preferred sexual partner. While this could/would be life changing for you, you would still have her as your wife, your best friend and she would have a continued sexual relationship with her other man.

Just remember, if your other relationship issues are not resolved, this lifestyle change is not going to help.

 

[Saraha]

I think you should tell your wife that if she wants your marriage to carry on, she will have to agree to work more hours at work to earn more money - and she needs to agree to a set limit on her spending each week.

She should also agree to Marriage Counselling, so she can sort out her feelings properly with professionals.

Her boyfriend bulls should be covering all her costs outside the home. You don't have the money to do that even if you have agreed reluctantly to a Trial Run as a cuckold.

Continue to encourage her to tell you about her sexual adventures, without you getting angry or judgemental.

 

[treise]

LOL, ditch the woman, shes not doing anything but draining the family financially, and she's not seeing to any of your sexual needs. This is a non consensual cuck and obviously not a form of kink for you since there is no closeness in the end. Bad on all front. Don't let these other cucks tell you otherwise. They just thrive on being insignificant. Your relationship with your wife is unhealthy and dangerous. The end.

 

[SquirmingSub]

Looking like this guy has not been on the forum since he did those initial post.

 

[corvettestingray]

Looking like this guy has not been on the forum since he did those initial post.

Yes and sorry for not posting a update as i do appreciate everyone who added input here. Nothing really has been resolved long term in our situation but i can say things are more stable as we have come to a understanding for the time being and it is at least a better situation for the kids as we are communicating now and getting along better and she is there for them more. She says she still loves me as much as ever and wants to stay married and needs me to support her and be understanding while she is still is working everything out. She is still with the same guy and says she wants to stay exclusive to him and not see any other men but him. For the time being she is allowed to stay there on weekends and stays one to two nights during the week but only after the kids are put to bed though and has to be here the next morning to get them to school. Basically she wants to continue this physical relationship with him but stay married and continue to raise our children as a family and I am confused as hell about what to do. She is wearing her wedding band again but has another ring on her other hand, not sure what to think of that yet. For the most part we are getting along well but dont even speak about what she does outside the home anymore as long it does not effect the kids as it was just making me angry and jealous. We have not had sex in months as she wanted to completely take that off the table for the time being, even if i wore a condom, so it is frustrating to say the least when she uses a vibrator right beside me in the bed but doesn't even want to discuss having sex when i bring it up. That is the part I am most having trouble with and its like a itch that gets worse every day. I have read all the cuckold stuff that she showed me to justify her seeing this guy and a million different things on here and online but it is just not easy for me like some of these people i guess. I dont want to hear about her having sex with another guy while she dosent even want me to see her naked any longer. I dont know how anyone gets enjoyment from that. All the years we have been together and would never even try anal sex once but then does it with him frequently?? Thats all i keep thinking about when i imagine them together. Anyhow, I dont want to even think about any of that and im getting off subject but I did want to post something and again I do appreciate everyone's input. There are some other factors that have come up as well that im not going to post right now that complicate things even more but can anyone here TRULY say that have had a successful relationship in this fashion? At first i would say 90 percent of our relationship was mental and 10 percent physical..and dont get me wrong I am thankful we are getting along again and it feels more like how things were before all this..but how do you just write off any physical aspect of a marriage?

 

[mike1972]

If you go back and read your own posting, well you have already answered a lot of your own questions here. Once you backed off her a bit and let her see her bf on a reasonable schedule you yourself said things got better and you two started to communicate again and it was better for the kids. In reality, your in a situation to where she is going to leave you for him if you dont let her see him so stop and weigh your options here. You say that 90% of your relationship is mental and 10% physical - so is it not better to give up the 10% to keep the 90%? It can be done and thats what alot of people here do and support their wives. Instead of ending your marriage and doom and gloom you can actually make your marriage the best its ever been if you get behind your wife and let her see this through. If he is 24 years old and shes 38 then who knows maybe he will loose interest in time but for the time being let her explore and as she says feel alive again. It is probably a midlife crisis thing but it is very important to her and has probably been a huge boost to her confidence and makes her feel fantastic falling in love all over again and feeling young again. is that not what you want for her to be happy? Your name is corvettestingray - like a corvette its not the best car to drive everyday or very practical - but man is it a rush to take out on the weekend and step into the gas. You are the everyday minivan that suits her needs 90% of the time and he is the vette to take out when she wants that rush - get it? So thats the key is letting go of the jealously and think about her happiness and not about the kid shes fucking, hes no different than a dildo, a toy that makes her feel good. One other thing to add is you are actually in a decent position where your wife is in a committed relationship with this one guy vs seeing alot of different people and that should give you some peace of mind. She has a world of emotions going on right now and she is at a age where her sex drive and hormones are going through the roof so just give her some space and I promise it will pay off and bring you too closer. Let go of trying to have sex with her right now and just think about her pleasure for the time being. Not easy to do i know but once she sees you support her and the jealously is gone she will open up to you again and wont feel like she has to be secretive and be so distant, because it really is a tug of war going on inside her right now. Im going to make a suggestion to you as well that will greatly improve things between you two by gaining her trust and letting her know you are behind her and I realize it wont be easy. You said one of your big peeves is that she is having anal sex with this kid but never would even try it you right. Well obviously that is a turn on for him, as it is for all guys, and she is willing to do it, and probably just about anything, to make him happy so why not give her some pointers that only guys know to let her know you are behind her now. Sit her down and let her know you want your marriage to work and that you are giving her her space to explore things with this kid and just want your relationship to be open again. You can tell her you dont want to hear all the details later but you can make her feel like you are in her corner and you will be rewarded I assure you. For example tell her if she wants to drive this guy crazy to text him that all she can think about is him fucking her in the ass again and that she wants that more than anything. Instruct her to go ass to mouth with him a few times during and that will blow his mind. Not easy to do i know but she will let down her guard to you and improve things greatly between you two now that she knows you are supporting her. Give your relationship another look and see if you two cant make it work like this. Again, the 90% is worth giving up the 10%

 

[corvettestingray]

Thinking about all of this. Yes i would rather give up sex with her to keep our marriage and not move closer to divorce and yes it has been nice having better communication again and feeling like things are more stable again not just for me but for the kids. But Its just not natural to not feel jealous though knowing shes fucking someone else and im letting her do it. Thats why people get married in the first place to be exclusive. I dont want to say anything because things are improving so much at least communication wise between us but how do you just hold it in and approve of your wife seeing someone long term if this dosent fizzle out in time?

 

[mike1972]

Basically, yes you do learn to hold it in so it is somewhat of a sacrifice for a happy wife and a happy marriage. And yes people do get married with the idea of staying exclusive to each other but how often does that work out in the real world?? ill tell you its less than half the time with many more who stay married but unhappy together. It will greatly help if you start thinking about how your wife is feeling and her satisfaction vs your feelings and satisfaction in this. Imagine if you were fucking a really hot girl that was half your age and crazy about you and the tables were turned. Would you be able to stop thinking about her or sex with her? This guy is making your wife cum and that is bringing out all kinds of emotions in her physically and mental. I would imagine she too is worried he is going to move on in time because of the age difference and probably worries about that frequently and is willing to do anything to keep him happy and keep up the lust hence the anal sex. What should worry you is if this guy leaves her and she falls apart emotionally causing even bigger cracks in your marriage. Thats why I tell you to encourage her to do whatever it takes to keep him interested and excited in their relationship instead of you wanting him to move on. If he is big into anal sex with her encourage her to do ass to mouth with him and I guarantee he wont be leaving her anytime soon. Tell her to beg him for anal and to move it from her pussy to her butt every so often while they are having sex and it will stoke a fire in him. Marriages get rusty and fall into a rut and this is new and exciting to her. It sounds like she does still love you and that what she has with this guy is more physical and less emotional. I would not mention having sex with her anytime in the near future and just focus on the relationship and emotional side of things between you guys which seem to be improving. Who knows maybe it will come back in time or she would be willing to do handjobs or possibly let you use a condom down the road. Right now though it feels like shes cheating on him though and thats why she is probably against any sex with you, not because she dosent love you. So my advice again to you while it may not be easy inside is to tell her you support her and her having sex outside the marriage and that you are not gonna press her for sex any longer. Try it and see if it dosent improve things and bring you closer again

 

[milfchaser]

The liberal minded person in me says try to make it work. My gut says you are being used financially as well as emotionally. See a marriage counselor, and perhaps you should talk to an attorney to at least look over your options -- it doesn't mean you have to take them. Good luck either way.

 

[kimmie123]

hi thee from a wife point of view is let her go enjoy her self let her do things with her blk bf have you meet him if you did congrats has he been loving your wife long where did they meet the first time her life does the kids know anything