What do do when your wife's in denial?

[twosome2]

Having gone to all the trouble of trying to convince your wife or girlfriend to open up, try new ideas tec.. threesome, black lovers, groups.. what happends when she seems to be in denial that she enjoys it? Why would this happen? At the last meet I saw my own girlfriend respond in ways that I had only imagined - an unstoppable sexual force. Only now, it is as though she is trying to convince herself and me that she doesn't really enjoy it that much anyway, when I know she so clearly does? Is it shame, nerves, guilt, denial? Or what? Would especially like womens perspectives here...

 

[SandyWho]

Hi two-

This is one of the more difficult questions I have ever been asked. I am not really sure how to respond. Can you tell me a bit more about your wife and how or why she started?

 

[twosome2]

Hi again,
To be honest, this was something that we came accross by accident. Had talked about getting into the swinging lifestyle for a while. We met a single guy for a 3some who happned to be black, though we weren't actively seeking that. Anyway, we both enjoyed the experience so much that the next time a well hung black guy was exactly what we were looking for. We had another meet, which we enjoyed again, so made the step up of moving onto a small group. The night was amazing for both us us and something that when we discussed in detail always led to us having great sex. I had never seen my gf react in that way - far more open and experimental than usual and that evening and following events gave us both great satisfaction. However, more recently she is reluctant to discuss it, and during a heated exchange recetly even denied that she enjoyed the experience.

We had been planning for a repeat performance but now am unsure what to do. I simply do not belive that she did not enjoy it, as i know the reaction we got out of her at the time. Also, she had even gone into detail about what she would liek to do next time. Could it just be that she is feeling guilty about having done something that maybe she still sees as being wrong?

 

[Neat 'n Petite]

Perhaps your gf feels she is enjoying her IR experiences too much, and is concerned she may well lose her relationship with you if she ventures any further.

I wouldn't push her too hard for a repeat performance if you value her as a loving partner. She may be telling you something by her reluctance.

 

[twosome2]

I honestly don't think she is reluctant because because she feels insecure in our relationship. As i said, it is something that we have discussed at great length before and after, and have done it a few times now. The last session (group) was even her idea. The last time we talked it over her negativity seemed to stem from her opinion that it isn't 'normal' to be having sex with other while in a relationship, but while i had to agree with her to a certain extent, i pointed out that while it is definately unusual, we were not alone, and as we weren't ghurting anyone by it, why worry?

What worried me the most is that while previously she woud quite openly admit she got a huge amount of sexual pleasure playing on her fantasy of acting the typical white slut and servicing black guys, now she claims to have not enjoyed it, which I know is untrue.

Anyone else have any advice?

 

[skftn]

my wife too

I read your question with great interest....it's very similar to my wife. She has great fun when we go play (we go to swing clubs) and has been very open and free while there....but usually the next day will deny she has had fun at all, find all kinds of excuses to say she doesn't want to go again. After a few months she'll say ok, without pressure, to going again..and each time, she has great fun. But next day: same denial. I think it's feelings of guilt--- she was raised to be a 'good girl' and it's hard for her to see this play as anything but being BAD. She still feels like she's cheating on me, she says. Wish I knew how to get her past it.

 

[twosome2]

This is exactly the sort of thing I mean. As I mentioned, we have had quite a few interacial meetings now, as after a few months (as long as I don't push it) she too seems to come around to the same opinion as me in that it is only fun. Only this time it has been a few months and she still seems quite insistant that she hasn't really enjoyed the experiences.
Like your partner she was brought up to be a 'good girl', never slept around much, and while obviously not prudish, took some convincing that this lifestyle could be ok between consenting adults. As I said, the last meeting was actually her idea.
Interesting point that maybe she feels she is enjoying the expereince more than she thinks she should be, but since she has come ot of her shell a bit we have always been very open and talked a lot (except for these stages of denial!) and it has never come up, but don't suppose it would really.
We have always used different males for each experience, partly so the coupling with her black lovers has always remained strictly sexual for her, and for me because I enjoy the thrill she seems to get and the look on her face when he enters her for the first time.
So, if it is not trust, lack of respect, lack of sexual pleasure from the meetings,or anything fundamentally wrong with our own relationship, what could the reason be for the reluctance, other than guilt, which is the only thing I can think of..

 

[swh]

nail on the head

i'd say you've answered your own question twosome2 - all fair and understandable - just as a matter of interest was her upbringing particularly religious or strict in anyway?

With reference to the denial - you need to work through and talk sensitively about her feelings of being in denial - do it in a non confronting indirect manner -waiting to a relaxed moment - massage in the bath - quiet time on the sofa - theres great ways of asking without forming it as a direct question which will help to slide in under her concious defences and work on her mind sub-conciously - "if we were to" - "how do you feel about" "if maybe your were to" - standing above her normal eye level forcing her to look up (without being dominant) whilst talking helps to access the sub concious aspects of the brain - so a bath situation might be good for that.

1 thing i almost forgot to add is if you do speak to her don't do it in a high or whining voice - keep your voice low - soft - sort of from your stomach.


If done right you'll get her true feelings, and help her to make up her own mind.

If done with confrontation will force her into corner which would stop the continuation of this deliciously unique experience for both of you - and maybe lead to much worse feelings - blame being one of them!

 

[Guest]

Re: nail on the head

i'd say you've answered your own question twosome2 - all fair and understandable - just as a matter of interest was her upbringing particularly religious or strict in anyway?

With reference to the denial - you need to work through and talk sensitively about her feelings of being in denial - do it in a non confronting indirect manner -waiting to a relaxed moment - massage in the bath - quiet time on the sofa - theres great ways of asking without forming it as a direct question which will help to slide in under her concious defences and work on her mind sub-conciously - "if we were to" - "how do you feel about" "if maybe your were to" - standing above her normal eye level forcing her to look up (without being dominant) whilst talking helps to access the sub concious aspects of the brain - so a bath situation might be good for that.

1 thing i almost forgot to add is if you do speak to her don't do it in a high or whining voice - keep your voice low - soft - sort of from your stomach.


If done right you'll get her true feelings, and help her to make up her own mind.

If done with confrontation will force her into corner which would stop the continuation of this deliciously unique experience for both of you - and maybe lead to much worse feelings - blame being one of them!

 

[funtonight]

Same Here

I have exactly the same scenario with my wife, she has very very much enjoyed our 'playtimes with other men, then within a day or two she says it was horrible. I know it wasn't but it seems she feels she has cheated on me.
just a few weeks ago she said she'd love to go to a club again (her idea not mine) and then she changed her mind. I can only tell her how much I love her and that it's fine whatever she decides.

Just gotta be patient and let it take it's natural course.

 

[SandyWho]

Rob-

Good advice. My only add to this is that lots of times for men the chasing is more fun than the catching. But there is a certain amount of fun being caught. So if you are a woman, it is lots easier to give into your desires than for a man. White men are so very serious about sex... almost business like. That is one reason I like being chased( and caught every once in a while) by a nice black stud. They are usually not nearly as serious about sex.

 

[Karen4BBC]

Sandy,

Yes, the BBC's objective is to open my legs and enjoy himself. As oppossed to the white guy's "love" and "possessive" attitude, the black approach is totally liberating and empowering from my perspective. I find myself free to be a sexual animal.

 

[SandyWho]

Hi Karen-

I find myself free to be a sexual animal.

I am so glad you said that! I think that is what motivates me too... the opportunity to be "primative" and sexual. Shedding my white middle-class housewife shell to be that sexy flirt, not afraid to tell a man "no", not afraid to tell a man "yes", is what makes me come back for more.

 

[MWF4Chat]

I have been trying to get my wife black for years. The reaction when I mention it in bed is unreal. I can play with her pussy for 20 mins and she will be damp. When I mention black cock her puss flows and nips get rock hard. She cums so hard too. She will even say it was great but when I try to talk about it she denies it was what I said. I have attempted the same technique but not mention bbd and her Os are weak and is never as wet.

 

[nmsfuncpl]

I can answer your query

This is something I have had years of experience with orver many years with several women. Majority were my submissive slut girlfriends and wives. Almost as many were girlfriends/wives of friends and couples I have swung with. This compulsion to lie about their slut desires/turnons/past encounters almost drove me crazy with the most important women in my life. What I was finally able to realize was that most lie BECAUSE THEY HAVE LEARNED FROM PAST EXPERIENCES THAT, (no matter what they say or even believe, themselves), WHITE MEN THEY WERE EMOTIONALLY INVOLVED WITH CAN'T DEAL WITH THEIR WIFE/GIRLFRIEND HAVING THIS KIND OF SEXUAL EXPERIENCE MUCH LESS GETTING OFF ON IT.
They have learned this the hard way. By trusting and being betrayed/dumped/divorced by men that promised faithfully that nothing would change the way he felt toward her. Most truly believed what they were saying at the time but found out afterwards that they could handle it mentally. This is because only the most sexually confident of men can deal with this in a longterm relationship with a woman he is emotionally involved with. This is a VERY small percentage of white males. The only other type white male that can make a longterm emotional relationship work are submissive men that get off sexually on being cuckolded. This is a shame really as most true white slut females crave Dominant white males for longterm relationships/marriage. Very few actually ever find one and almost none are able to let themselves be truthful/honest with them which, naturally, leads to the demise of the relationship. The slut can't tell the truth even if she truley KNOWS that she could/should. By this time in her life she has hardwired herself to NEVER be totally sexually honest about her slut sexual experiences/desires/turnons, etc. The sexually experienced Dominant W/M can't stay with her knowing she is lieing to him when both know there is no need. Nothing he can do about it either. No matter what they might try eventually they break up.
As a 50yo Dominant, straight W/M, 30+ years of experience in the lifestyle with a strong interest/preference for true submissive white sluts, I find this to be one of the great injustices/ironys of life.
BTW.. I have been married to a TRUE 100 o/o submissive bisexual 40yo W/F slut for over 20 years. She is sexually satisfied ONLY when she is being USED/ABUSED sexually. She was a experienced TRUE SLUT when we met and for some time before that. I have expanded greatly on her earlier formative slut sexual experiences but it was with other men/boys that she became a slut. As with ALL the true sluts I have ever known, the one person most responsible for them becoming a slut is THEMSELVES. They ALL let themselves become sluts sexually. By a true slut, I do not mean a women that fucks around or cheats with a lot of men. A true slut is one that gets most complete sexual satisfaction/gratification when they are being sexually used/abused in some way. They all have different specific and vastly varied sexual activities that they enjoy/crave/need/respond to best. They ALSO get off on MANY of the same sexual acts/activities. Regardless, ALL with be some form of sex that makes them feel like a SLUT
sexually. Used, abused, helpless, dominated, ******, cheap, dirty, perverted, humiliated, degraded, ashamed, masochistic, etc are just a few examples.
I would welcome an exchange of thoughts/experiences with any other Dom/str/exp W/Ms with same interest/association/involvement with w/f sluts. Especially current/ex girlfriends/wives. Also W/Ms that have had/viewed/known of uncommon sexual experiences with w/f sluts. (Gangbangs, incest, interacial, "mock" force, etc) Also, sluts that have been in longterm sexual involvement with men/groups other than their mate. Preferably with his knowledge/approval/arrangement or under his direction/instruction/command, etc.
Please...no "storytellers"! REAL experiences ONLY.
Spacecowby43

 

[vanillablonde20]

Perhaps she did enjoy the experience and she is just having a hard time dealing with what she has done.

Perhaps it would help if her boyfriend would ease up off her back and leave her alone about the subject.

Perhaps "playing" or "experimenting" is good to boost a couple's sex drive, however, maybe she has had enough and isn't wanting to persue that route any longer.

Perhaps her values are deep rooted and she actually cares for the man that she is with and wants to be with him and feels a strong sense of being unfaithful even though her partner is involved.

Perhaps she should find another partner who is sexually open to experiment, but knows when enough is enough and knows when she is no longer comforatbale.

I didn't read all of the posts, but from what I have gathered, stop nagging the girl, damn! If she says she didn't enjoy it, she is probably looking for an excuse to not do it again. If she says she thinks she is cheating, she is probably looking for an excuse not to do it again without hurting your feelings. I would become wise to her gestures and back off before you're single.