The REAL reason.

[rucuckold]

So what is the real reason men become cuckolds?

While the majority of the hard core cuckolds seem to have smaller than average endowment, there are quite few guys out there that are fairly endowed. So what is the REAL reason?

Was there an instance in your past that you know made this a fantasy? Is it because you wish you had the manhood others have or do you just like to see your wife pleasured by another?

What is it that made you think her pleasure was paramount? What was it that made you need to see her with another man?

I'm curious as I have been in this lifestyle for close to twenty years and yet, each time the husband has a different idea of why he is cuckold.

So, why are you the happy cuckold?

 

[Glenn]

Well, for me (a non-traditional cuck), it's just something that my wife and I enjoy. It's a variation, a fetish, a type of role-play, that simply works really well for us. Personally, I believe that I was always 'wired' this way, but I don't think it became obvious until I told my wife. Of course, in the beginning, I hadn't heard the term cuckold, so it was just a fantasy I had about my wife and other men. Over the years we experimented a little, but it really didn't live up to the fantasy/thoughts until we met a very special friend. He truly made it all worth while, for both me and my wife. I guess some guys just have what it takes, and he was the one for us. He is a TRUE bull. He understands and respects people. He doesn't have an ego, although he can certainly justify one, he really is that good. But I think he knows that and simply chooses to enjoy our situation.

So, why am I a cuck? I have to give most of the credit to our friend. The remaining credit I give to my wife of course.

 

[jweiner]

Why do this?

My wife and I have been married for 20 years and dated 5 years before that. I can remember dating her at the age of 19, having sex with her in a bedroom of a friends parents house during a party. Outside of the room we heard friends talking, one of those voices was Scott, a good friend of mine who was very good looking. I asked my gf at the time do you want me to bring him in here so that you can have sex with him and she said yes...she didnt think that I would actually do it.

As an FYI I am well hung an athlete 6'1 190lbs, I was then and still am today, so the cross dressing sissy thing isn't me.

I told her to stand up, I opened the door and told Scott to come in. He had a weird look on his face but he did as I requested. When he saw Linda naked he panicked, I told him that it was ok...he almost bolted as he thought that I would kill him until Linda blocked the door with her naked body and started kissing him. They ended up having sex in the bed where I slept with her that night.

The point to me is, and I have never cheated on Linda, showing her that it is ok that she has a slutty side, but do it within the confines of our relationship. If she does it this way we will always be together, if not it wont work. We are now in our mid 40s and from time to time she will have a lover, I trust her as she always tells me about it. We all have our issues so rather than fight over them lets learn to love our spouses with them.

Another point is that it keeps one on ones toes to make sure that you treat your wife as you should because it can be painfully obvious that she is found attractive by other men.

 

[rucuckold]

It's so good to hear from real people! It really is!

The snapshots the two of you gave regarding your relationships and how you became interested in furthering you and your wife's sexual pleasure are far more interesting than the pure fantasy crap that fills this site's pages.

Personally, I believe more people like "Glenn" and "jweiner" should stand up within this community to let people really know how this actually works in a relationship!

The idea of a committed relationship surviving with even stronger bonds of love can be had if more people would hear the truth, instead of consistently harping on the fantasy realm of this "lifestyle" I believe it is the arrogance and idiocy of many wanker FANTASY posts that stop many from getting to experience the incredible joys these two men have shared with their wives.

I would bet that their experiences made the relationship with their wives even STRONGER...as well as sexually fulfilling.

So PLEASE...will more people like "Glenn" and "jweiner" post?

 

[rucuckold]

"I guess my point is, "without my knowledge" or "against my wishes" are key phrases to qualifying as a cuckold. If a man gives his wife permission to take other lovers (because he gets his kicks from it), I don't consider him a cuckold, but a person that enjoys a "hot wife" and a open relationship."

While I understand your position regarding this, you are very strict in your definitions. The cuckoo lays her eggs in nests without the other bird knowing but the term, if followed through its human etymology actually points to the knowledge of such affairs.

Divorce wasn't as easy an option as it is now. In times past, where the origin of the work cuckold comes, a divorce was a humiliating endeavor. It was not something that came cheaply, either. The price one would pay to have the church absolve the marriage was too high for anyone to consider it.

Not only were these monetary barriers erected, one must also consider that most of the population lived within one hundred miles of their birth. The humiliation of a divorce made public was thought to be a more agonizing fate than the actual indiscretion of the wife. It was better to pretend it never happened. That embarrassment was never out in the open for all to hear but rather, whispered behind the man's back. That is where the humiliation realm enters the equation. He knew it was being said but never in his presence. Whether the indiscretions continued and the man became better at pretending it did not exist depended on both the husband and the wife, really.

That is where the true version of the word cuckold comes but there are still many different thoughts regarding the word's evolution. Just think about the idiocy surrounding ankle bracelets. There isn't a word of truth to it but in many fantasy-riddled minds, the desire of legitimacy fuels the stories and therefore, bastardizes a simple female bauble.

The thing is, it doesn't truly matter whether the husband is aware of the indiscretion or not because the rules of marriage have changed also. One can not compare apples and oranges and to seek to compare a marriage today to one from the past where the word cuckold was frequently used within society, is impossible.

Today, you most likely won't hear the word "cuckold" used unless it is in a favorable light by people that frequent sites like this. In modern speak, people would just call her a cheating slut, or similar and a divorce would follow. If you like the idea, of course it is different.

With the couples I have known, most husbands were truly cuckold in the sense that they also sought the "belief" in the humiliation aspect of the affair. While he was a willing participant, sharing in the wife's sexual fulfillment with another man, there was the hidden aspect that she was "cheating" and therefore, it was somehow, wrong. He would still believe others knew(like in history) and enjoyed it...even though she wasn't cheating at all.

I will say, your point about the wife asking the hetero husband to suck another man's cock is a great one. More men should realize this is basically what he is asking his wife when he asks her to indulge his cuckold fantasy. They really should understand the significance of it in the wife's mind. Bravo sir!

 

[Glenn]

Interesting posts from MacNfries and rucukold regarding the definition of cuckold. I'm not really going to defend my definition as it really doesn't matter to me. We all have our own desires and experiences that help us define such lifestyles. I will simply say that from my experiences, I've come to identify three basic types of cuckolds:

1) The traditional type: cheating wife, and husband doesn't know initially. This type appears to be rather masochistic. This is where I would pigeon MacNfries.

2) The non-traditional type: husband's desire initially, encourages wife, wife enjoys the sexual freedom. It can and often does involve some form of humiliation (not necessarily direct), but I wouldn't consider it masochistic. This is where my wife and I belong.

3) The sissy type (sometimes referred to as wimp type or fem type): a variation of the first two types, where the husband is (extra?) submissive and often serves his wife and the bull, and usually dresses the part (panties, etc).

Of course, these definitions are MINE (and others) but are by no means formal, OR complete. For a more formal approach, check out wikipedia.

Just one more thing to add. REAL cuckolding (based on MY above definitions) is not very common in practice. For those of you in the swinging community (rare enough in itself), you will know that cuckolds make up a very small portion of the swinging lifestyle. Based on what I've "observed" in both real life and on the internet, there really are many husbands who seem to have the desire. These husbands often claim that their wife is not interested, or they themselves would be too jealous (which, although very true, seems odd given such a desire). The reason doesn't matter though, all that matters is that they simply don't do it, and this is what most people refer to as a fantasy cuck. Fantasy cucks sometimes 'pretend' that they are real cucks of course. This 'fake' type of cuckold bothers some people, and although it does come across as a little too silly for me at times, I understand human nature and the internet enough to just accept it. Btw, the traditional type cuck is often a fantasy cuck (ie, VERY rare in real life), as a cheating wife is VERY difficult to realize (deal with emotionally) unless the cuck is VERY submissive (sissy type).

Anyway, just MY two cents (based on MY experiences).

 

[jweiner]

My Requested Response

ou get what you pay for and you paid nothing for this so here goes.

My wife and I met when we were 18 in college, we started dating at the beginning of our second semester. The morning after our first date we ran into each other in the cafeteria, and I was thinking what a leech and she was thinking that she felt obligated (to sit together)...not a great start. Over time we came to love each other. If you see from a previous post we had an experience with a friend of ours shortly thereafter. At the age of 19 by then it didn't seem to funky.

I lived a very wild life in HS while my then gf had only been with 2 guys but fantasized greatly. Thus the story about the friends house where she had sex with a mutual friend.

As we dated for 5 years we always fantasized about her having more external sex. Those of you that think humiliation, sissy, and all of that, is so far from me that you could not believe it. There is no humiliation to Linda or to me, there is a trusting and loving relationship between us. I have sowed my wild oats and I have no desire to be with another woman.

As an FYI I fly 1st class, stay in great hotels, and run a couple of successful businesses, one traded on NASDAQ, so please do not try to play the fantasy games. I get hit on quite often, I am 6'1, 190 lbs in great shape at 45 and I do not think that I could even get it up for anyone other than Linda. Not out of submission but sex does not rule my life, it is simply a part of it.

Sex does not rule Lindas life either, it is a part of it. Her relationships over our 20 years of marriage have been with 1-2 year lovers, a matter of relationship not the BBC bs, most don't bother me. What did bother me was her HS boyfriend, that was tough as I know that she still loves him to a degree and he her. So I got to know him to make it easier on me...didn't work At the end of the day we trust each other, she knows that I have no desire for anyone other than her. The toughest part for me is not the sex that she has with her men it is seeing the passion in the kiss, the gleam in the eye, or seeing them together at a restaurant giggling over a bottle of wine and holding hands...that sucks. And as an FYI I have never seen her have sex with another man, that would simply be rude, as it would be for her to barge into a meeting that I was in at work...trust...comprende? She has to trust me with our assets.

I played Div I basketball, I have seen many naked men in the locker rooms, anyone that thinks that blacks have larger members on average are fantasy players.

I say all of this to say, to each their own, I see some, what I would consider despicable behavior on this site, but have never put anyone down.

I forget who but someone asked what is the difference between being a cuckold to keep your wife happy and being bisexual? I would argue that there are 2 large differences. First if my wife wants my to suck another mans cock that is significantly different in that it is as asking me to do something that I do not want to do, wherein, her relationship with other men is something that she desires.

For all of you that are going to come out and say that jweiner is a homophobe, let me please address that. First, that word should be banned. The end of that word is phobe...meaning fear. The homosexual community has done a great job of slipping this under the rug. As an FYI one of my best friends is a flamboyant gay ex employee of mine, who is not only a great friend of mine, but my children and wife as well, we love him dearly, one of the first gay marriages in LA, so don't even think of going there as he agrees with me. Just because I don't want to be with a man does not mean that I am scared of the act. Hell I don't want to move to Iowa but I am not an Iowanianphobe, I just don't want to do it...it doesn't appeal to me.

I was asked to respond and to give some relevance from a real life 20+ relationship that deals with my wife and amazing mother of our children and I hope that I have been successful at accomplishing this goal. Still waiting on marketing to get me their numbers tonight.

 

[Custer Laststand]

Unrequested response

Jweiner,

As we dated for 5 years we always fantasized about her having more external sex.

That doesn't seem "humiliating" for you or unusual in other ways at all. Rather, it suggests your (now) wife is a strongly sexual woman — probably, I would guess, somewhere above, perhaps well above, “median” female sexuality.

.... I fly 1st class, stay in great hotels, and run a couple of successful businesses, one traded on NASDAQ.... I get hit on quite often, am 6'1, 190 lbs, in great shape at 45....

Cool.

.... I do not think that I could even get it up for anyone other than Linda. .... I have sowed my wild oats and I have no desire to be with another woman.

This seems to be a common thread among cuckold husbands with long term, stable marriages to adulteress wives. Whether from absence of desire to pursue other women, perceived need to maintain marital stability, or in response to the demands of their wives, they remain faithful.

... The toughest part for me is not the sex that she has with her men, it is seeing the passion in the kiss, the gleam in the eye, or seeing them together at a restaurant giggling over a bottle of wine and holding hands...that sucks.

It's tough to realize your wife and her lover(s) really do feel strong affection and really are, in a sense (perhaps in reality), "in love" during their affairs.

I played Div I basketball....

Sounds hypercompetitive.

.... Hell I don't want to move to Iowa but I am not an Iowaphobe ....

Neither do I, but I'll have to admit I've never considered the question of whether that means I'm an "Iowaphobe." So many questions, so little time....

On the whole, yours seems a practical approach for careerist cuckolds and their cuckoldresses. From the point of view of your wife (who is, I would guess, very attractive): she effectively precludes you getting bored with your marriage and maintains your strong attraction to *her* by fucking other men, thereby demonstrating — on a continuing basis — that she is highly desirable and has options, should you be so unwise as to neglect her or treat her badly. In addition, her life is far more interesting than would otherwise be the case due to the intense emotional (and intellectual) stimulation of fucking and interacting with her lovers. Not only that, she is stimulated by knowing that whenever she sees a new man she wants to seduce, she is free to act on her desires.... and she does.

From your point of view, your wife's continuing demonstrations that other men are so attracted to her they seduce and fuck her keep *you* attracted to her, in part because this keeps your feelings of jealousy elevated. Also, the heightened sexual attraction of your cuckoldress tends to preclude the risk of you expending time and energy pursuing other women. This is to your advantage, because chasing other women would detract from the time you have available to focus on your work which is obviously both demanding and highly important to you. That is, spending time with lovers could cause you to miss meetings, and you probably would not have sufficient time to pace the floor and grind your teeth at night because, for instance, "your marketing people have not yet given you their numbers."

—Custer

[This isn’t relevant to your post, but for some reason a comment made elsewhere, by someone else, comes to mind: “When I’m ‘into’ a woman I’m a mailman — I always deliver, rain or shine. When I’m not ‘into’ a woman I’m a career man — always working.”]

 

[jweiner]

Hey man I was looking for you to step over the line somewhere with your comments in relation to my dealing with this but you didn't...I apologize. I agree with you 100%

Damn on this site if I say I apologize I am going to hear about skirts, heels, et. al......DONT GO THERE. I am simply attempting to be a gentleman.

 

[rucuckold]

I guess I missed bcde42's response. Didn't know deletion was possible but now, damn it...I am curious.

Does anyone have a clue as to wtf that means? Guess I and many others are with you on that one, Mac!

 

[rucuckold]

"I played Div I basketball, I have seen many naked men in the locker rooms, anyone that thinks that blacks have larger members on average are fantasy players."

Oh man, I have to attest to this! My buddy in the ARMY used to laugh at this idea and actually told me it was bs. His whole point was made when he said, "...c'mon man, most of us are black in this unit, haven't you even glanced around while in the showers? It's a rumor we happily keep alive"

I haven't seen him in over fifteen years but every time I hear that bs, I think of him and his words.

BTW, for those of you still unable to figure it out, my buddy was black.

 

[rucuckold]

Custer:

While I am thankful you are familiar with grammar, I have a few things I will not break up and analyze individually as you have. I'm not Dr Phil nor do I play one on the internet. Regardless....

...jweiner is actually laying it out there for all to see. You, on the other hand seem to just want to play Phil. While I will not go into your experience or even your background, I will hesitate a guess.

You are single, aren't you?

No doubt, you have your own ideas but honestly, would you care to have that life of yours under the microscope? Would you care to have each and every one of your posts dissected in the manner you, yourself chose as the proper venue? I highly doubt it. If you do, please, please post again as I would love to make it a game for all of us.

We can all take turns dissecting your every word. How about it?

"Shall we play a game?" How about "thermonuclear war?" LoL

 

[Custer Laststand]

Um.... "thermonuclear war," you say—?

Rucuckold,

Custer: While I am thankful you are familiar with grammar, I have a few things I will not break up and analyze individually as you have. I'm not Dr Phil nor do I play one on the internet.

Who's Dr. Phil?

...jweiner is actually laying it out there for all to see.

Yes, I appreciated that. I thought his post was unusually interesting. We don't get many contributions to this forum from CEO's (I gather that's what he meant when he said, "I run a couple of companies, one of which is listed on the NASDAQ," or from athletes who claim they played Div. I basketball (or anything else at that level), let alone both.

You, on the other hand seem to just want to play Phil. While I will not go into your experience or even your background, I will hesitate a guess. You are single, aren't you?

No, I've been married almost 36 years (to the same woman). Prior to that I had "a number of" of experiences with women. Our 36th anniversary is coming up next month. Not only do my wife and I still talk with each other, we actually still fuck once or twice a week. (She's always on top.) I consider her my best friend, and she has said the same about me. I like her a lot, and always look forward to seeing and talking with her each evening. We trust each other completely to act in each others best interest.

No doubt, you have your own ideas....

My profession required me to have my own ideas. I use past tense because I retired recently, that being the reason I have time to contribute to this forum. (I'm not completely off the hook, though. I'm still involved in some continuing projects, one of which is becoming interesting as we speak [so to speak], after many years of work.)

....but honestly, would you care to have that life of yours under the microscope? Would you care to have each and every one of your posts dissected in the manner you, yourself chose as the proper venue? I highly doubt it.

I'm accustomed to that. In my profession, my ideas and the ideas of my colleagues (sometimes we worked in teams, but not always), and my (/our) conclusions, were placed "under microscopes" again and again (and again, and again...) over the years. It's the way advances are made in my field. Bad ideas are identified as such, and rejected. That included some of mine, I'll have to admit. The competition and level of criticism is very high; occasional rejection is part of life. Good ideas and conclusions based on sound analyses are accepted — eventually, if not immediately; sometimes it takes a while if a new result contradicts accepted wisdom. But advances are based on sound work and results that, through testing, critical analysis, and measurements, are found to be — and finally accepted as — right.

If you do, please, please post again as I would love to make it a game for all of us. We can all take turns dissecting your every word. How about it? "Shall we play a game?" How about "thermonuclear war?"

Well, here's my reply. I enjoy a good debate, and am not bothered by others disagreeing with me. That is, I don't get angry. I try, however, not to say negative things regarding the posts of others, because I think that would be destructive and I don't think there would be anything gained by it.

Overall, of course, if this forum didn't appeal to me I would not contribute or have anything to do with it at all. This having been said, it seems to me the occasional feedback I get has tended to be positive (your comments [above] notwithstanding). Jweiner (in his most recent post above), for instance, said "he agrees with me 100%." (I assume it was my preceding post he was referring to.) I suppose, however, if there were a massive vote of forum members for "Custer Laststand to take a long walk off a short pier," I would get the message.

—Custer

 

[Custer Laststand]

"52 Channels and Nothing On"

Rucuckold,

I see Dr. Phil is a TV actor. I missed that reference, since I don't watch television for reasons similar to the title of a country western piece that was popular a number of years ago: "52 Channels and Nothing On." (I noticed it didn't air for very long. Maybe the broadcasting powers that be considered it a bit too close to the truth.)

—Custer

 

[rucuckold]

You know Custer, after gleaning through a few of your posts, I see this is a relatively new phenomenon of yours. Seems retirement has given you too much time to yourself.

I hear it is not unusual for retirees to turn into bitter old men but to start on a new theme of showing it within each and every post...well, it just screams...

"get off my yard!" So, Mr Wilson....what's next?

 

[Custer Laststand]

Rucuckold,

You know Custer, after gleaning through a few of your posts, I see this is a relatively new phenomenon of yours.

Not really. With regards to this forum, I followed it for a while before deciding to "join" and post.

Seems retirement has given you too much time to yourself.

I'd like to have more. As one gets older, time seems to run faster.

I hear it is not unusual for retirees to turn into bitter old men....

I'm not bitter about anything. Life is too short for that. Also, I feel "life" has treated me reasonably well — it has been and continues to be very interesting. That is, I don't feel it's been "mundane" or "disappointing" in any sense. As for retirees in general, others will have to speak for themselves. I think it's safe to say, though, they're about as variable as any other subset of the population.

....but to start on a new theme of showing it within each and every post...well, it just screams...

I'll let my posts speak for themselves. Others can agree or disagree (if they like), or ignore them (if they don't want to read them), or "flame" in response (as the case may be), just as they can with anyone else's posts.

"get off my yard!"

Um... "your" yard—?

—Custer

 

[Elysiana]

Rucuckold:

So what is the real reason men become cuckolds?

Glenn:

It's a variation, a fetish, a type of role-play, that simply works really well for us. Personally, I believe that I was always 'wired' this way...

Jweiner:

The point to me is, and I have never cheated on Linda, showing her that it is ok that she has a slutty side, but do it within the confines of our relationship.

So, RU states a request for the ultimate in understanding. Glenn and J offer something in the way of explanations, but I wonder just how much these two fully appreciate how bereft they are of understanding their own stances?

The more I read the postings on the forum, the more convinced I am of something missing in the makeup of the cuckolded male. I like Glenn's approach to self-understanding....believing that he was always 'wired' that way, but J's is not so typical as a cuckold, because he has stated terms upon which he allows it to occur...within the confines of the relationship, but contradicts himself with..."make sure that you treat your wife as you should because it can be painfully obvious that she is found attractive by other men."

Why J, should it be 'painfully obvious' when you consent to her having sex with other men? Truth is, J, you are not sexually treating your wife as you should, other men are doing that for you. The greatest expression to occur between a couple is the sexuality they express to each other, the taking and the reciprocation of it, but you seem to have abrogated that expression, and denied it to your wife from you yourself. You, my good man, are her husband, it is you who should be sexually satisfying her, not other men. Equally, she should not be cheating on you, even if you give permissable accordance to it. She ought to be beguiling you of giving the permission. If a wife loves her husband, why is she having sex with other men, and expecting to still be welcome in the matrimonial home?

I am beginning to see the cuckold lifestyle as a inverse and paradoxical problem in the relations between the couple that pursue it. Something in the form of a addiction, a learned habituation with which the couple over time are fearful of analysing. They hide behind the liberalised swinging lifestyle, which is tantamount to wearing rose-coloured condoms/spectacles in order not to feel the denial of guilt. The men having sex with your wives won't feel guilt, they're lapping it up, it's win/win all the way for them...but the guilt, to which you habituate your spouses, regressed and recessed until the day arrives when the situation changes...then, its putrifying stench hits the nasal sense..."My God! What have we done!" will be the anguished cry!

 

[s_zip99]

I hope you read this: http://www.cuckolds.com/forums/gene...-just-told-my-she-loves-him-2.html#post116747

Rucuckold:

Glenn:

Jweiner:

So, RU states a request for the ultimate in understanding. Glenn and J offer something in the way of explanations, but I wonder just how much these two fully appreciate how bereft they are of understanding their own stances?

The more I read the postings on the forum, the more convinced I am of something missing in the makeup of the cuckolded male. I like Glenn's approach to self-understanding....believing that he was always 'wired' that way, but J's is not so typical as a cuckold, because he has stated terms upon which he allows it to occur...within the confines of the relationship, but contradicts himself with..."make sure that you treat your wife as you should because it can be painfully obvious that she is found attractive by other men."

Why J, should it be 'painfully obvious' when you consent to her having sex with other men? Truth is, J, you are not sexually treating your wife as you should, other men are doing that for you. The greatest expression to occur between a couple is the sexuality they express to each other, the taking and the reciprocation of it, but you seem to have abrogated that expression, and denied it to your wife from you yourself. You, my good man, are her husband, it is you who should be sexually satisfying her, not other men. Equally, she should not be cheating on you, even if you give permissable accordance to it. She ought to be beguiling you of giving the permission. If a wife loves her husband, why is she having sex with other men, and expecting to still be welcome in the matrimonial home?

I am beginning to see the cuckold lifestyle as a inverse and paradoxical problem in the relations between the couple that pursue it. Something in the form of a addiction, a learned habituation with which the couple over time are fearful of analysing. They hide behind the liberalised swinging lifestyle, which is tantamount to wearing rose-coloured condoms/spectacles in order not to feel the denial of guilt. The men having sex with your wives won't feel guilt, they're lapping it up, it's win/win all the way for them...but the guilt, to which you habituate your spouses, regressed and recessed until the day arrives when the situation changes...then, its putrifying stench hits the nasal sense..."My God! What have we done!" will be the anguished cry!

 

[Warpt]

ALL of my ex-girlfriends and my ex-wife have cheated on me and eventually left me for another man.
I figured that I may as well let them fuck around on me, and I watch, so they know it is o.k. to get some on the side and I get some kind of sexual excitement from their fucking.
My wife knows that having a boyfriend on the side will not make me mad, unless she keeps it a secret. It makes for a perfect marriage.