You might consider having your husband get down on his hands and knees and suck your strap-on cock every day, with you up on your knees. That way, you can push your "cock" a little farther down his throat each time, until finally he can deep-throat you.
Also, for variety, you might consider having your husband lie on his back on your bed, with his head hanging over the foot of your bed and his mouth open. Then, on your knees at the foot of your bed, you could push your strap-on cock into his mouth and fuck his face as he takes your "cock" as deep as possible down his throat. Then, each time you do this, push your "cock" deeper into his throat, until finally your husband can deep-throat your strap-on cock all the way down. Then, continue to fuck his face while he's deep-throating your strap-on cock. Hopefully you will be able to attain orgasm this way, particularly if you have vibrating strap-on dildo.
It might take two weeks to a month (depending on how effectively he's able to get his gag reflex under control) of your husband sucking your strap-on cock every day, 'til he is able to fully deep-throat your "cock."
Then, when you sense your husband is ready and your lover has come over, *tell* your husband to take off his cloths, get down on his knees, and suck your lover's cock. This should get him past not wanting to ask for that himself because it would be "unmanly." Rather, your husband will do it because you, his wife, have taken charge and you have *told* him to do it.
Thank you for posting your nice new photo, BTW. How about some photos sometime of you wearing your strap-on...?
Best regards—
Custer