quick update - performance?

[newcouple]

hey all,

my wife and i got back to having some of our own fun this week, just her and i trying to get our sex life back on track. Unfortunately i think i'm struggling more than i expected. our lovemaking was not really what it used to be before we got involved with her friend and then all ofthis privacy, etc came up.

not sure if it's still emotional issues between us but when we did our thing, she didn't seem to be responding like she used, she seemed to enjoy it but wasn't i guess as enthusiastic as before. and as for me, i just felt like too worked up, like feeling like i'm in a competition now and it messed up my stamina. basically, i had these images of her with her firiend burning my head up while we were together and it just made it like i'm trying to compete with this image which really didn't work out.

she said the sex was fine but not sure if she means it. and now i'm feeling basically like a schizophrenic. i feel guilty that i basically was ok with them having sex in front of me and when they wanted some privacy i am not sure if i was selfish or smart by shutting it down. then on top of it, just frustrated cause i dont know what it's saying about me if i cant stop thinking aout them together. when i was with my wife, all that was in my head was them together and it totally messed me up sexually, i couldnt keep any stamina together from it.

oh well, i guess i need to figure it out. any advice is helpful but i guess this is more helpful for me just to post it andget it out.

 

[Josetta]

I think you DEFINITELY need to GIVE THEM more TIME together ALONE.

Ask your wife if she would let you lick her pussy after she has been with him, as this will help you to see her lover as someone who tops her up with the additional sex she needs, over and above what you give her. This will help you to ACCEPT HIM as he is going to be around for a very long time, and that he is an important part of your wife's emotional health and well-being..

It is very important that you show great respect for her lovers, and to welcome them into your home at every opportunity your wife desires. You must not show jealousy or discontent.

It is natural to feel the way you are feeling - you could benefit from a fem-domme 'taking you in hand for a few months' to give you a special training that will be of great benefit to your marriage.

It is true that you have sexual competition, but your wife will see both "her men" as meeting her needs in different ways. Both of you contribute to her happiness, and she needs you both to STAY IN HER LIFE.

It would be a very nice gesture for you to write a brief few paragraphs to your wife on beautiful coloured paper, apologising for hurting her emotions when you did not want her to be alone with her lover, and make the promise that she can make love to him alone whenever she feels the need. Offer to sleep in the spare room on any night she would like him to sleep-over in the marital bed.

Yes, you MUST continue to write more episodes for us all to read, and you will work through your immaturity feelings that are letting you down. You caused your wife a lot of stress when you changed her mind, and this will have made her feel embarrassed in front of her friend.

Accept that your wife needs the space to grow deeper in love with her friend, and that you also need to GIVE IT TIME so that you and your wife can re-discover your special style of loving.

JUST GO WITH THE FLOW and accept completely what your wife and her friend think is best for you and them. This will allow things to be put right in the minimum of time.

Now go look for some nice paper, and write that letter to your wife to show your sincerity and desire to be forgiven.

 

[WifeShafter11x7]

newcouple,

that's not that uncommon from what i know. husbands/bfs of couples i've been involved with all say watching is an intense experience and since this was your first time it's obviously going to be in your head, especially when you're back in bed with your wife trying to satisfy her.

First of all, relax and don't try to be in a competition here. You and your wife got with this guy cause he from what you wrote was a friend but also experienced with couples and is in shape like your lady. So you are outright looking for a guy that would be good at pleasing women, so don't try to amp yourself up now and try to put on a performance, it will backfire as you have experienced.

The main thing is that you seem to be coming to grips with how you feel about this. I read your previous posts and overall it sounds like you're more or less trying to fight what you probably want. Based on you thinking about all of this, you want your wife to keep seeing this guy but you're just worried about the privacy issue. the thing is you can't have it both ways. You can't demand that her and her friend perform in front of you and then just leave it as a clinical type of deal.

Also, based on your recent "performance" with your wife, I'm not sure if you're going to shake the image of them together and it's going to stick with you. So while your performance might go down you'll get more anxiety from it. This happens with other couples too, you're going to lose your "bargaining power" if you keep underperforming in bed and basically showing your wife your head's not straight. she's going to wise up, you've already given and then taken away some fun from her, so if you keep her sexually frustrated it's going to end up badly.

Let me ask, when your wife got into this with your friend, were you relieved too that you didn't have the pressure of performing with her? I've been with fit women and know the energy/stamina you have to usually have to keep up. Now that all of it is back on you and you can't stop thinking about her with her friend, who probably handled her business well, do you think you'd feel relieved if you got them back together or is the privacy just a deal killer?

 

[ndfuncouple4u]

Good advice so far.I have been in the same situation before myself and all i can say is that it takes a strong marriage to weather this, things can go farther than you expected but remember you encouraged it. The thing tat you have to remember is that your wife loves you and accepts you for being you.Give her credit that she is not leaving you. Take pride that she is having so much fun with her new boy friend and allow her the time alone with him to bond further. Hopefully she will want a 3- some with you involved or at least let you watch now and then. My wifes boyfriend has nearly 9 inches of big fat dick. I could easily be overwhelmed at times as far as how she responds to him but there are also things that i can do sexually with her that he can't, as she tells me and from my own experiances with swinging having sex with someone other than your partner is not neccisarily better all the time but it is different and that is the joy of having multiple partners. You really don't have to look at it as a competition.We all have our own special tricks, lol. good luck. hope to here more.

 

[SandyWho]

Your situation is really not that surprising, after all, you are both trying to figure out how much of a difference he made in your relationship. Sex is only part of the relationship so work on the other parts too. Also, I think guys try too hard when they know their "date" for the evening has other lovers or a husband. Men have fragile egos and are always concerned about performance rather than just having fun.

 

[Raunchy Randy]

What To Do, Now...

...
oh well, i guess i need to figure it out. any advice is helpful but i guess this is more helpful for me just to post it andget it out.

You're right. There have been SO MANY thoughts/points of view, across a wide spectrum about your situation, most of it well-meaning...

My final thought is that YOU need to figure it out. We can offer advice, but you alone know the totality of what is happening with your marriage. I personally don't think you to be a true cuckold, only a married guy who wanted to include his wife in some 'fun.' Again, only you know...

I can only tell you that I sincerely hope it all turns out well for you, your wife, and your marriage.