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Psychology of a Cuckold
- Thread starterDoc in Cleveland
- Start date
I am about halfway through a book that I think captures the mind of the cuckold as well as any. The book is available on Kindle and is titled "A Change in our Marriage" by Sara (forgot her last name).
It is well written, titilating, and for me at least, gets inside the conficted cuckold who wants it, but doesn't want it, but he does. It explores the whole need to admit that one is not an alpha male and should stop trying to be one and a Femdom wife who picks up on it and runs with it.
Worth the read in my humble opinion.
It is well written, titilating, and for me at least, gets inside the conficted cuckold who wants it, but doesn't want it, but he does. It explores the whole need to admit that one is not an alpha male and should stop trying to be one and a Femdom wife who picks up on it and runs with it.
Worth the read in my humble opinion.
If you find this issue is placing pressure on your marriage, you can try seeking help from a relationship psychologist. They can provide you with the opportunity to get everything out in the open and guide you through various options to resolve your unique situation.
_________________________
Chicago maids
_________________________
Chicago maids
For the record.
I am 100% Hispanic and a cuckold.
I have contemplated the psychology more than the acts we do and our discussions are more better understood and received when we explore my needs and how it's a pysch issue she's satisfying for me rather than me not respecting her and pimping her out.
I am 100% Hispanic and a cuckold.
I have contemplated the psychology more than the acts we do and our discussions are more better understood and received when we explore my needs and how it's a pysch issue she's satisfying for me rather than me not respecting her and pimping her out.
I have a nominee! Pass me the envelope, please...
Doc,
Regarding your request of 11 Nov. 2011:
I have a nominee for your skeptical colleagues! See:
Hot Wife Motivation
which is dated Sun. 4 Dec. 2011.
You can link to it from*:
Cuckolding: A Resource
Cuckolding: How to convince your husband or boyfriend to become a cuckold
which provides context. (On the right, scroll down to "motivation.")
The woman, of course, may or may not be the wife of the apparent cuckold doing the filming (in the dark, using infrared film it looks like), but it's definitely an amateur film that, although crudely made, is quite steamy.
Any update on your efforts to convince your skeptical colleagues that "cuckold husband / hotwife" and "humiliated cuckold / dominant hotwife" marriages are a real phenomenon? Or, are you still in the evidence-assembly stage...?
—Custer
*I'll guess there are other film clips on this site that may be of interest to you in connection with your... um... er... scientific research project.
Doc,
Regarding your request of 11 Nov. 2011:
Doc in Cleveland said:
I have a nominee for your skeptical colleagues! See:
Hot Wife Motivation
which is dated Sun. 4 Dec. 2011.
You can link to it from*:
Cuckolding: A Resource
Cuckolding: How to convince your husband or boyfriend to become a cuckold
which provides context. (On the right, scroll down to "motivation.")
The woman, of course, may or may not be the wife of the apparent cuckold doing the filming (in the dark, using infrared film it looks like), but it's definitely an amateur film that, although crudely made, is quite steamy.
Any update on your efforts to convince your skeptical colleagues that "cuckold husband / hotwife" and "humiliated cuckold / dominant hotwife" marriages are a real phenomenon? Or, are you still in the evidence-assembly stage...?
—Custer
*I'll guess there are other film clips on this site that may be of interest to you in connection with your... um... er... scientific research project.
..
Custer .. thank you for the nominees. I'll check them out in just a bit. Right now, it's a pretty frigid Sunday morning in Northeast Ohio and I'm attempting to gather heat in to my dwelling here. It's always OK once it gets here .. and I don't mind if it stays long, I really don't. But, the first few blasts of winter at the beginning .. that always gets me. It's almost .. well, I guess it goes back to self-preservation, doesn't it? Like a 'panic' kind of feeling. Brrr .. There's two levels, of course, to cold weather. The first being, "Damn, it's cold outside" when you are going to watch a local football game in late October. But that is very different than the first morning of 14 degrees with snow on the ground. Two very different levels there.
I found one clip that I mentioned before. I kept it on my iPhone for a couple months here should I find myself among colleagues and myself short of words to describe this behavior. It says the woman's name is "Lana Devious" and from a medical perspective, I find her to be just about the perfect example of a cuckolding wife. Or, of course, the perfect depiction of a cuckolding wife by a great actress in the genre.
You know, Custer .. and I'll tell you this here because we are fairly anonymous and you are a person of certain "grey matter" (see:Avalon Hill) .. I'm in the process of moving at the end of the month my entire practice about 2.5 miles to a much, much larger office in much better surroundings. And it is not lost on me that perhaps things such as this, for the lack of a better word: success, perhaps that is the best evidence. Just worry about me and my patients, continue here and there gathering evidence, knowledge and depictions. I know what I see and hear inside my practice and I am doing very, very well with it. I have no need for validation from other scientists that, by nature, doubt every form and instance of something that escapes them.
Speaking of depictions, as a man .. a heterosexual married man .. I rather enjoy cuckold pornography. I had never seen it before I started looking but .. well, I enjoy it. Sue me. (Stop Stop .. That's just a figure of speech, I don't need any higher premiums than what I have now .. ).
Also, Custer, and due to our anonymity, I confess I find these scenarios, at times, drifting in to my personal sexual relationship. That's basically from the file of: "Who needs Viagra?". If you catch my drift there ..
Maybe the cold is making me become too personal. I did want people to see that psychiatrists are men too. We think, feel, bleed and are affected by our surroundings.
Thanks for the input, Custer.
Doc
..
Custer .. thank you for the nominees. I'll check them out in just a bit. Right now, it's a pretty frigid Sunday morning in Northeast Ohio and I'm attempting to gather heat in to my dwelling here. It's always OK once it gets here .. and I don't mind if it stays long, I really don't. But, the first few blasts of winter at the beginning .. that always gets me. It's almost .. well, I guess it goes back to self-preservation, doesn't it? Like a 'panic' kind of feeling. Brrr .. There's two levels, of course, to cold weather. The first being, "Damn, it's cold outside" when you are going to watch a local football game in late October. But that is very different than the first morning of 14 degrees with snow on the ground. Two very different levels there.
I found one clip that I mentioned before. I kept it on my iPhone for a couple months here should I find myself among colleagues and myself short of words to describe this behavior. It says the woman's name is "Lana Devious" and from a medical perspective, I find her to be just about the perfect example of a cuckolding wife. Or, of course, the perfect depiction of a cuckolding wife by a great actress in the genre.
You know, Custer .. and I'll tell you this here because we are fairly anonymous and you are a person of certain "grey matter" (see:Avalon Hill) .. I'm in the process of moving at the end of the month my entire practice about 2.5 miles to a much, much larger office in much better surroundings. And it is not lost on me that perhaps things such as this, for the lack of a better word: success, perhaps that is the best evidence. Just worry about me and my patients, continue here and there gathering evidence, knowledge and depictions. I know what I see and hear inside my practice and I am doing very, very well with it. I have no need for validation from other scientists that, by nature, doubt every form and instance of something that escapes them.
Speaking of depictions, as a man .. a heterosexual married man .. I rather enjoy cuckold pornography. I had never seen it before I started looking but .. well, I enjoy it. Sue me. (Stop Stop .. That's just a figure of speech, I don't need any higher premiums than what I have now .. ).
Also, Custer, and due to our anonymity, I confess I find these scenarios, at times, drifting in to my personal sexual relationship. That's basically from the file of: "Who needs Viagra?". If you catch my drift there ..
Maybe the cold is making me become too personal. I did want people to see that psychiatrists are men too. We think, feel, bleed and are affected by our surroundings.
Thanks for the input, Custer.
Doc
..
Doc,
Hey, no problem... when I saw that, your "search" immediately came to mind.
For reasons I won't belabor, I'm familiar with the phenomena of cold weather and hypothermia (which I've experienced somewhat, although not to the point of becoming non-functional [which once happened to two of my companions]), as well as actually freezing to death (which, fortunately, I have not personally experienced).
Yes, I went to that link and watched it. The cuckoldress star, so to speak — being more than a little overweight — seems somewhere short of "stunningly gorgeous." But, I must say, her style of ordering her obedient hapless cuckold around seemed erotic.
I googled "Avalon Hill," and found a Wikipedia article and other info describing it as a company that made computer games involving WW II-style combat, which went out of business in 1998. I then put my "grey matter" (such as it is) to work attempting to relate that to your paragraph, but failed. Perhaps you could enlighten me as to the relevance...
Sounds like a substantial step up. Congratulations!
Or certainly, it's very good evidence that the cuckolding phenomena, and the psychological problems it's causing your male clients, is "real" in your region of practice. And, there's no reason to think your region is atypical in the U.S. I mean, Cleveland, Ohio, is about as all-American as one can get.
I would doubt that it's a matter of married women cuckolding their husbands (openly, presumably) "escaping" your colleagues, because it's very simple. Rather, I would guess their problem is that this doesn't conform to the conventional wisdom, or even (gasp) that it's a new concept, per the article I mentioned, "The Martial Art of Publishing."
Hey... there's nothing wrong with that. Speaking of which, are you aware that when Pompeii was suddenly buried beneath 4 to 6 m (13 to 20 ft.) of volcanic ash by the catastrophic 2-day eruption of Mt. Vesuvius, in AD 79 during the Roman Empire, then was accidentally discovered almost 1700 years later in 1749*, it was found after extensive excavation that artistic pornography was widely featured in people's homes...? I.e., pornography was admired as an integral part of daily life...? In the years following 1749, of course, pornography was no longer socially acceptable, so much of it was secreted away in museums in rooms that were not open to the public.
*The specifics are from an article on Pompeii in Wikipedia.
Also not surprising. It would, however, be surprising if you were to openly bring this up with your wife and talk with her about it, and discover that she too finds it a turn-on.
Who would have guessed. (Not to be picky, but I suppose you must mean "psychiatrists are men and women too..." or, say, "human too...".)
You're welcome...
—Custer
Doc in Cleveland said:
Hey, no problem... when I saw that, your "search" immediately came to mind.
Doc in Cleveland said:
For reasons I won't belabor, I'm familiar with the phenomena of cold weather and hypothermia (which I've experienced somewhat, although not to the point of becoming non-functional [which once happened to two of my companions]), as well as actually freezing to death (which, fortunately, I have not personally experienced).
Doc in Cleveland said:
Yes, I went to that link and watched it. The cuckoldress star, so to speak — being more than a little overweight — seems somewhere short of "stunningly gorgeous." But, I must say, her style of ordering her obedient hapless cuckold around seemed erotic.
Doc in Cleveland said:
I googled "Avalon Hill," and found a Wikipedia article and other info describing it as a company that made computer games involving WW II-style combat, which went out of business in 1998. I then put my "grey matter" (such as it is) to work attempting to relate that to your paragraph, but failed. Perhaps you could enlighten me as to the relevance...
Doc in Cleveland said:
Sounds like a substantial step up. Congratulations!
Doc in Cleveland said:
Or certainly, it's very good evidence that the cuckolding phenomena, and the psychological problems it's causing your male clients, is "real" in your region of practice. And, there's no reason to think your region is atypical in the U.S. I mean, Cleveland, Ohio, is about as all-American as one can get.
Doc in Cleveland said:
I would doubt that it's a matter of married women cuckolding their husbands (openly, presumably) "escaping" your colleagues, because it's very simple. Rather, I would guess their problem is that this doesn't conform to the conventional wisdom, or even (gasp) that it's a new concept, per the article I mentioned, "The Martial Art of Publishing."
Doc in Cleveland said:
Hey... there's nothing wrong with that. Speaking of which, are you aware that when Pompeii was suddenly buried beneath 4 to 6 m (13 to 20 ft.) of volcanic ash by the catastrophic 2-day eruption of Mt. Vesuvius, in AD 79 during the Roman Empire, then was accidentally discovered almost 1700 years later in 1749*, it was found after extensive excavation that artistic pornography was widely featured in people's homes...? I.e., pornography was admired as an integral part of daily life...? In the years following 1749, of course, pornography was no longer socially acceptable, so much of it was secreted away in museums in rooms that were not open to the public.
*The specifics are from an article on Pompeii in Wikipedia.
Doc in Cleveland said:
Also not surprising. It would, however, be surprising if you were to openly bring this up with your wife and talk with her about it, and discover that she too finds it a turn-on.
Doc in Cleveland said:
Who would have guessed. (Not to be picky, but I suppose you must mean "psychiatrists are men and women too..." or, say, "human too...".)
Doc in Cleveland said:
You're welcome...
—Custer
Doc in Cleveland said:
I find this to be an interesting response. I think it shows we all have a wide range of feelings and desires.
I pushed my husband hard on this stuff. As a result he divorced me. I think this is probably a typical response for the vast majority of men. Even those that may initially entertain some thought about letting their wives have other men.
What is most puzzling for me is that I could never be married to the majority of men on this site. I need a masculine man, like the man I had, yet why did I want so badly to have other men? How does a woman seek to emasculate her husband, a masculine man, but at the same time will only marry a masculine man?
My husband said he also had the desire to "spread his seed" but didn't do it because we were married. So, I think both men and women think of having sex with others.
I have leaned the hard way that we need to keep feelings in check or be happy sitting dateless at the 40-something divorced women table for the company Christmas party.
kimcarl said:
Kim ..
What you describe here is absolutely central to most of the baffling diagnosis when speaking with colleagues on the subject matter. For them, it runs exactly counter-intuitive to the emotional and physical layer of intimacy that is found in marriages or long term relationships. The fidelity, or perceived fidelity, of the intimacy of a marriage is exclusive to the reasoning and purpose of a long term relationship. I had one colleague tell me that if an affair is ******* during analysis, he works closely with the patient on a plan to conceal that from the partner. His thoughts were that the damage exceeded the potential benefits. I find that preposterous but to each his own. With perspectives such as these prevalent, I'm sure you can see why I am a scientist on the outside looking in when this subject matter is broached.
I had my "Road to Damascus" moment when this became utterly prevalent in male patients I was seeing. I thought, "What is going on here? Is this some type of new pattern of behavior among white males that is eluding the mainstream consciousness?". That's when I began to build a lifestyle prescription of actions that solidified the intimacy, and fidelity of intimacy, between the cuckolded husband and the wife. I saw the broken window my colleagues speak of. I'm not entirely stupid. However, while they feel the window is broken and needs replaced, I tend to think that it may be, in fact, just an illusion on the surface that can be reinforced and made valid by substantial work on the base.
The fundamental difference in the prognosis here is the clinical approach. My personal beliefs here is that there is no "fixing" the cuckold. He desires this, he strains for it, he will act upon this until satisfied. Other scientists believe that this is a masking condition for a deeper subluxation in the psyche, more specifically in the ego. They believe a cuckold could be treated and cured. I vehemently disagree with this analysis. And there you have the rift that I speak of here and the deeper core of what you experienced in your life.
I come here for education and experience, and in no small way some validation in my opinion. Expressed experiences from folks like you help me understand this.
Thank you for expressing yourself here.
Doc
..
Doc in Cleveland said:
Doc, I completely agree with you. Fixing a sexual predilection is impossible. It can only be controlled (with great difficulty). For example, a gay man cannot be "fixed" so he is sexually attracted to women. Very often, people begin a "vanilla" relationship but one or both of them are keeping secret a "dark" desire (fantasy) for something different. Transitioning from fantasy to reality is tough and may end the relationship. For instance, a woman wants a relationship with a strong "Alpha" male (a manly man). She meets an attractive guy who is strong, successful and the sex is good. Five years in to the relationship, he confesses he is a submissive cuckold and wants to be locked in chastity. Wife can't handle it. This is not the relationship she agreed to.
It is probably true that a great percentage of couples are indeed "vanilla." They enjoy sex with one another, work hard at being faithful, have children and raise them. You won't see these folks on this message board very often. But, in my experience, the sexual fantasies you see displayed on the internet appeal to at least 10% of the population. What I mean is that of the 3 billion males on the planet, probably 10% of them are gay. That's a lot of gay guys.
I am a very submissive male. I know there are many others. I always sought out strong and domineering women. I am successfully married to one for many years now. She enjoys my submission to her, my companionship, how I worship and spoil her. She has no interest in sex with me other than to let me worship her feet and ass. Luckily, I really enjoy doing this. She has an Alpha male lover who gives her the sexual pleasure she craves from him. We have all learned to accept who we are in the bedroom.
My hope is that with the internet and social media, younger generations will find out who they are and get validation much sooner than I did. Believe it or not, men and women who have similar fantasies can find one another. There are sadistic women (I've met a couple of them) and there are masochistic men. It is far easier for them to find one another nowadays.
marcus
Mac, I agree with you. I would even say it's MUCH easier for men, particularly in the 40+ age range, perhaps even younger. I sure didn't see a single, dateless, 40-something men table at my party.
I will be the first to admit that I really screwed up. Now I want what I had, yet didn't value it when I had it.
Doc In Cleveland, again, very interesting post. So, do you think there are many women like me? Where the women want the lifestyle? Or thinks she does?
In summary:
I had a great man. I pushed him away, tried to make him something he was not, even thought he was less of a man by some standards that I don't understand where the standards came from.
I was treated horribly bad by many men. Yet I treated the man that treated me the best horribly bad. I even told him that I thought his penis was not normal size, thinking the average must be 7 or something.
When younger I chased men that I thought were superior in some way, those that were tall, big, and masculine, all of whom either used me or ignored me.
I would coward down when a man I dated called me names. My husband would raise his voice and I would yell at him. Yet he treated me better than any man ever had, and was actually a very strong man, not a wimp for sure.
My husband never demonstrated any signs of submissive desires yet I thought he should be submissive.
My husband had me read studies on penis size. His was like 6 x 5.2 yet I thought this was still smaller than average, thinking average is much bigger.
I would gravitate to larger men, those very tall and big, even when my husband was with me, and think about them as being better than my husband.
My husband is more attractive for a man than I am for a woman, yet I thought I had been short changed in the husband department.
At the same time I thought my husband deserved someone better than me.
My husband made his feelings for me well known. He clearly loved me. He told me how great I was. I thought I didn't get what I wanted in a man. But also thought he deserved better than me. Probably because I thought less of him?????
I think I am screwed up!
I will be the first to admit that I really screwed up. Now I want what I had, yet didn't value it when I had it.
Doc In Cleveland, again, very interesting post. So, do you think there are many women like me? Where the women want the lifestyle? Or thinks she does?
In summary:
I had a great man. I pushed him away, tried to make him something he was not, even thought he was less of a man by some standards that I don't understand where the standards came from.
I was treated horribly bad by many men. Yet I treated the man that treated me the best horribly bad. I even told him that I thought his penis was not normal size, thinking the average must be 7 or something.
When younger I chased men that I thought were superior in some way, those that were tall, big, and masculine, all of whom either used me or ignored me.
I would coward down when a man I dated called me names. My husband would raise his voice and I would yell at him. Yet he treated me better than any man ever had, and was actually a very strong man, not a wimp for sure.
My husband never demonstrated any signs of submissive desires yet I thought he should be submissive.
My husband had me read studies on penis size. His was like 6 x 5.2 yet I thought this was still smaller than average, thinking average is much bigger.
I would gravitate to larger men, those very tall and big, even when my husband was with me, and think about them as being better than my husband.
My husband is more attractive for a man than I am for a woman, yet I thought I had been short changed in the husband department.
At the same time I thought my husband deserved someone better than me.
My husband made his feelings for me well known. He clearly loved me. He told me how great I was. I thought I didn't get what I wanted in a man. But also thought he deserved better than me. Probably because I thought less of him?????
I think I am screwed up!
One more comment. In the post by Ladynsniffer (Marcus), no offense intended Marcus, but I would have a real hard time being married to a submissive man such as depicted in the post. Yet it seems I tried to make my husband submissive. Perhaps I wanted to break him so that I could be with my ideal but still keep my husband? Knowing that my ideal may not marry me?
kimcarl said:
Kim ..
The reason I am chasing after this is simply a matter of anomaly. Scientists love anomalies. I can only report to you what I have experienced. My sampling is geologically small yet vivid and numerous.
White Males
Far above average intellect
No common trauma from childhood from a maternal perspective
So, I can report to you that no woman has ever expressed in therapy, to me, any of your feelings. However, remember what I am seeing. No Latino male has ever expressed anything about a cuckold experience (as defined here .. obviously the wider definition is widely prevalent in society). No Black male has ever expressed anything approaching the subject matter to me.
I am seeing white males with this anomaly.
It's what makes it interesting to me.
On a personal note, Kim .. you have two paths in front of you. One is a long and winding road that involves you entering analysis. The other option is to simply put it behind you as a learning experience and move on to the future. You cannot continue to deal with your expressions here without psychoanalysis.
Choose the blue pill or the red pill.
But if you continue to churn, you will always be unhappy no matter the circumstance.
Doc
..
kimcarl said:
Kim, no offense taken. I have long ago accepted the fact that there are only a small percentage of women who enjoy a relationship with a very submissive man. But, there are domineering women and sadistic women out there. And, in my experience, they want two kinds of men. A submissive to play with so they can release their Domme or Sadistic energy. And a strong Alpha male who won't put up with their shit and fuck them properly. I have never met a man who can play both roles. Nowadays, I do believe a woman can have both types of men in her life.
I am indeed very submissive to my wife and she is very domineering towards me. I grovel at her feet often. I worship her ass frequently. She will be spending time with her lover this week and will go with him to a party this coming Friday night. She always leaves me a pair of her panties to sniff when she is gone with him.
It isn't an easy relationship to make work properly. Submissive men are constantly pushed to be more "manly." Advertising, friends, movies and even a spouse are always describing the ideal man. The submissive man, especially one with a small penis or some form of impotence, struggles to be more manly in the bedroom. This creates conflict in the relationship.
I am very successful at work. I am well educated and a great companion. I provide well for my wife. But, since my teen years, when I get in to intimate situations with women, I get so nervous and am filled with desires to worship her feet or ass. The result is no erection and lots of worship and licking. All my attempts at being more "manly" ultimately failed. One of my wife's lovers came by our home frequently over a two year period of time. I watched them have sex several times. He is very well endowed. My wife got incredibly turned on by his mere presence and when he undressed she was in cock lust. I am usually naked at home and she never ever react this way towards me. Before they even reached the bed he was getting an erection. She prefers doggy style and he would take him time sliding in to her until she was vibrating with lust. He would pull her hair and smack her ass and she repaid him with several loud vaginal orgasms. They could do this several times in one night. I could never, ever compete with him in the bedroom.
Kim ... I enjoy reading your posts and thinking about your struggle with this lifestyle.
Marcus
Doc in Cleveland: Thank you for your advice. I have been talking with someone but looking for a different therapist. He tells me I have lost a grip on reality but offers little help.
Mac: Thank you for your input and support. I think highly of you and your advice.
Marcus: Thank you. I relate to what you say.
Mac: Thank you for your input and support. I think highly of you and your advice.
Marcus: Thank you. I relate to what you say.
Hi Doc,
Interesting opener from yourself. There are a couple of snippets within your post with which I would agree, and others I would agree less so. I myself am not a cuckold nor do I follow the lifestyle, but it is something I want to understand, especially from this perspective of yours. It is why I came to this forum in the first place. I have not participated for a while, but still drop in now and a gain. The following quotes I feel do hit towards the central core of the issue...
and...
As a non-cuckold, I am still not fully understanding of the psychological self-emasculatory practice of the 'knowing' cuckold.
Is the cuckold practicing a psychology of self-emasculation? I think the answer to this is yes, unequivocably so, but what were/are the foundational triggers that drive the cuckold to this self-emasculatory addiction? I believe there will not be a simple set of answers to this question, but that complex variables combined will be uncovered. Certainly historical triggers - within the cuck's own life experience - will be foundational to the current lifestyle trend they have immersed themself into, but something that needs to be noted is that although the cuck experiences self-emasculation psychologically, he still remains the empowerer of the experience. His wife or partner and her lover (regardless of racial type) are incidental, but yet essential to his addiction.
Without the cuck's consent to his own self-emasculation, his experience of being cuckolded would not occur. The cuck actually remains in control of the lifestyle at all times, but he in turn is controlled and subjugated by his addiction, which provides for a unusual paradox. The question to ask is...is it a sexual addiction? Also, should we not question the motives and reasons of the wives and partners of the cuck? For although there may seem to be some form of mutual benefit going on, the cuckold lifestyle presents diametric and very unequal delusions.
I also believe that therapists and counsellors do not automatically equate the cuck's acceptance of his status as being 'normal' for him, because his acceptance is part of his addiction, and it is in his psychology and self-perception where the aid and therapy is required. Which brings me to my next questions...could/should society accept the cuckold lifestyle as normal? Does it harm society? Does society actually have any right as a whole to even care what individuals get up to in the privacy (and primacy) of their own lives?
On my part, I believe the cuckold lifestyle to be addictively harmful, although I have yet to articulate these aspects succinctly to myself before I articulate them on a forum. I think the damaging aspect of psychological self-emasculation is its self-reinforcing of the addiction. As long as it remains a highly-consciously controlled lifestyle that can be stopped at a moments notice (like the swingers lifestyle), and that the relationship remains strong and true and committed afterwards, I have no problem with it as such. If it becomes an essential aspect of the couple's relationship, then I think they are in trouble as a couple.
These are just some of mine own thoughts.
Interesting opener from yourself. There are a couple of snippets within your post with which I would agree, and others I would agree less so. I myself am not a cuckold nor do I follow the lifestyle, but it is something I want to understand, especially from this perspective of yours. It is why I came to this forum in the first place. I have not participated for a while, but still drop in now and a gain. The following quotes I feel do hit towards the central core of the issue...
and...
As a non-cuckold, I am still not fully understanding of the psychological self-emasculatory practice of the 'knowing' cuckold.
Is the cuckold practicing a psychology of self-emasculation? I think the answer to this is yes, unequivocably so, but what were/are the foundational triggers that drive the cuckold to this self-emasculatory addiction? I believe there will not be a simple set of answers to this question, but that complex variables combined will be uncovered. Certainly historical triggers - within the cuck's own life experience - will be foundational to the current lifestyle trend they have immersed themself into, but something that needs to be noted is that although the cuck experiences self-emasculation psychologically, he still remains the empowerer of the experience. His wife or partner and her lover (regardless of racial type) are incidental, but yet essential to his addiction.
Without the cuck's consent to his own self-emasculation, his experience of being cuckolded would not occur. The cuck actually remains in control of the lifestyle at all times, but he in turn is controlled and subjugated by his addiction, which provides for a unusual paradox. The question to ask is...is it a sexual addiction? Also, should we not question the motives and reasons of the wives and partners of the cuck? For although there may seem to be some form of mutual benefit going on, the cuckold lifestyle presents diametric and very unequal delusions.
I also believe that therapists and counsellors do not automatically equate the cuck's acceptance of his status as being 'normal' for him, because his acceptance is part of his addiction, and it is in his psychology and self-perception where the aid and therapy is required. Which brings me to my next questions...could/should society accept the cuckold lifestyle as normal? Does it harm society? Does society actually have any right as a whole to even care what individuals get up to in the privacy (and primacy) of their own lives?
On my part, I believe the cuckold lifestyle to be addictively harmful, although I have yet to articulate these aspects succinctly to myself before I articulate them on a forum. I think the damaging aspect of psychological self-emasculation is its self-reinforcing of the addiction. As long as it remains a highly-consciously controlled lifestyle that can be stopped at a moments notice (like the swingers lifestyle), and that the relationship remains strong and true and committed afterwards, I have no problem with it as such. If it becomes an essential aspect of the couple's relationship, then I think they are in trouble as a couple.
These are just some of mine own thoughts.
Elysiana,
Respectfully, I disagree with everything you've said. You are generalizing that cuckold men are "self-emasculating", immersed in "sexual addiction", and "controlling". These are powerful terms and may not be correctly attributed to many cuckolded men.
Cheating on a spouse is nothing new. It's been going on for centuries. Beginning in the middle ages, the term cuckold or wittol (see below) has been used to describe a man with an unfaithful wife (and oftentimes, he knew of her infidelity but accepted it). There is nothing new here.
There are couples who keep their vows of fidelity, to be sure. And there are swingers. And there are cheating spouses. The question I think you are struggling with is why would a husband who discovers his wife is cheating not confront her and divorce her? There are many reason for a man to tolerate his wife cheating. He may have ED or some medical issue and wants his wife to have a robust sex life. He could be a workaholic. He could be an unsatisfactory lover. Or, it could be as simple as he wants his wife to have the best sexual experiences as possible.
Are there men who force their wives in to affairs or even ************? Absolutely! These are co-dependent relationships that indeed need psychological intervention. They are well documented in the literature and are completely separate from swingers and cheating spouses.
In a normal population of humans, many will have very high sex drives (and naturally at the opposite end some will have little or no sex drive). For some reason, if a person has a high sex drive they are called sex addicts (which is rarely true) while the low sex drive person is not labeled at all. Sex, when it is out in the open and savored, really disturbs some people. They lash back with these labels and attribute it to deep psychological problems when it might just be as simple as a high sex drive.
Noun 1. cuckold - a man whose wife committed adultery
Noun 1. wittol - an archaic term for a cuckold who knows about his wife's infidelity but tolerates it
marcus
Respectfully, I disagree with everything you've said. You are generalizing that cuckold men are "self-emasculating", immersed in "sexual addiction", and "controlling". These are powerful terms and may not be correctly attributed to many cuckolded men.
Cheating on a spouse is nothing new. It's been going on for centuries. Beginning in the middle ages, the term cuckold or wittol (see below) has been used to describe a man with an unfaithful wife (and oftentimes, he knew of her infidelity but accepted it). There is nothing new here.
There are couples who keep their vows of fidelity, to be sure. And there are swingers. And there are cheating spouses. The question I think you are struggling with is why would a husband who discovers his wife is cheating not confront her and divorce her? There are many reason for a man to tolerate his wife cheating. He may have ED or some medical issue and wants his wife to have a robust sex life. He could be a workaholic. He could be an unsatisfactory lover. Or, it could be as simple as he wants his wife to have the best sexual experiences as possible.
Are there men who force their wives in to affairs or even ************? Absolutely! These are co-dependent relationships that indeed need psychological intervention. They are well documented in the literature and are completely separate from swingers and cheating spouses.
In a normal population of humans, many will have very high sex drives (and naturally at the opposite end some will have little or no sex drive). For some reason, if a person has a high sex drive they are called sex addicts (which is rarely true) while the low sex drive person is not labeled at all. Sex, when it is out in the open and savored, really disturbs some people. They lash back with these labels and attribute it to deep psychological problems when it might just be as simple as a high sex drive.
Noun 1. cuckold - a man whose wife committed adultery
Noun 1. wittol - an archaic term for a cuckold who knows about his wife's infidelity but tolerates it
marcus
..
Elysiana .. I'm sorry that I'm really not entirely able to follow your expressions here. It would seem you are writing to impress yourself or others. If you'd like to discuss a concept or are having difficulty coming to terms with a lifestyle decision of others, please re-phrase in more common English.
All I really took away was the repeated use of "emasculation" and the repeated use of "addiction".
On those two subjects ..
The physical act of emasculation, and not necessarily the literal definition of removing the testicles and penis but a physical act that alludes to the literal definition, I have found practiced in more cuckold situations than not. In my experiences, this is performed most often during the wife's, or girlfriend's, cycle. Because the female in question can still cause the male "bull" to ejaculate through oral sex during this time period, the desire of the female to please the alpha male is not completely removed from the situation. However, I have found that either the bull or the cuckold expresses a desire to achieve sexual climax through penetration. Therefore, during a female's cycle in a cuckold situation, anal sex between the two males is prevalent. With the cuckold receiving the sperm from the bull's ejaculating penis inside his body cavity, this is as close as I can give you in the term "emasculation" that you speak of.
Also, I have found this act to be the least of the homosexual acts in this lifestyle. Homosexual males in committed relationships very rarely have anal sex. Oral sex is the primary physical act of homosexual love. In that same vein and in second place, the act of swallowing the sperm of the bull retrieved from the vagina of the wife can be construed as having homosexual tendencies. So, herein lies a significant difference in what I read here and what I hear in my practice. Very rarely is anal sex between the two males discussed in these (and other) forums.
*I will note that anal sex between the two males is part of a prescription that I have created for cuckold situations to give them the best chance at success. This is just one act among many. The regimen is meant to induce not only a form of balance among three people but also to maintain intimacy between the husband and wife that has been lost due to the cuckolding.
You use the term "self-emasculation" and I don't quite know what to make of that. The term is a an oxymoron as far as I am concerned. Unless you are talking about some guy taking a pocket knife to himself and taking a whack at cutting his pee-pee off. That would be a new one. Emasculation is performed by another individual. In this case, psychologically, it is the bull who performs this with a supporting actress role being played by the wife. Even when the cuckold requests this, there are still two people who actually have to perform "the emasculation" so I'm missing you entirely on the term "self-emasculation".
Now, for the term "addiction" .. I miss you entirely there, as well.
Cuckolding would seem to be far, far away from "addiction" as the physical act of having sex is not primary to the cuckold's experience. Here in Ohio, Ohio State conducted a recent study and dispelled the myth that males think about sex every seven seconds. In their study, they found the average to be about 19 times a day. I consider these studies to be lunacy .. (how do you honestly track the frequency of one's thoughts? There's so many levels that consciousness exists on. On what level are you tracking this and by expressing that you thought about it .. isn't that two times you thought about it? .. I mean this goes on and on and these kind of studies generally drive me crazy) .. but whatever the number is, we can all agree males incessantly think about sex.
So, for your term "addiction" .. I miss your entire drift there. Physically, the act of being denied his wife's vagina is intrinsic to the cuckold experience. Psychologically, it would be difficult to saturate the male brain with more thoughts about sex than he already has.
Now, if you are talking about "trans-fixation" on the subject matter or the predilection of one particular type of sexual thought, that is something else entirely. It is not "addiction" in the clinical sense.
Doc
..
Elysiana said:
Elysiana .. I'm sorry that I'm really not entirely able to follow your expressions here. It would seem you are writing to impress yourself or others. If you'd like to discuss a concept or are having difficulty coming to terms with a lifestyle decision of others, please re-phrase in more common English.
All I really took away was the repeated use of "emasculation" and the repeated use of "addiction".
On those two subjects ..
The physical act of emasculation, and not necessarily the literal definition of removing the testicles and penis but a physical act that alludes to the literal definition, I have found practiced in more cuckold situations than not. In my experiences, this is performed most often during the wife's, or girlfriend's, cycle. Because the female in question can still cause the male "bull" to ejaculate through oral sex during this time period, the desire of the female to please the alpha male is not completely removed from the situation. However, I have found that either the bull or the cuckold expresses a desire to achieve sexual climax through penetration. Therefore, during a female's cycle in a cuckold situation, anal sex between the two males is prevalent. With the cuckold receiving the sperm from the bull's ejaculating penis inside his body cavity, this is as close as I can give you in the term "emasculation" that you speak of.
Also, I have found this act to be the least of the homosexual acts in this lifestyle. Homosexual males in committed relationships very rarely have anal sex. Oral sex is the primary physical act of homosexual love. In that same vein and in second place, the act of swallowing the sperm of the bull retrieved from the vagina of the wife can be construed as having homosexual tendencies. So, herein lies a significant difference in what I read here and what I hear in my practice. Very rarely is anal sex between the two males discussed in these (and other) forums.
*I will note that anal sex between the two males is part of a prescription that I have created for cuckold situations to give them the best chance at success. This is just one act among many. The regimen is meant to induce not only a form of balance among three people but also to maintain intimacy between the husband and wife that has been lost due to the cuckolding.
You use the term "self-emasculation" and I don't quite know what to make of that. The term is a an oxymoron as far as I am concerned. Unless you are talking about some guy taking a pocket knife to himself and taking a whack at cutting his pee-pee off. That would be a new one. Emasculation is performed by another individual. In this case, psychologically, it is the bull who performs this with a supporting actress role being played by the wife. Even when the cuckold requests this, there are still two people who actually have to perform "the emasculation" so I'm missing you entirely on the term "self-emasculation".
Now, for the term "addiction" .. I miss you entirely there, as well.
Cuckolding would seem to be far, far away from "addiction" as the physical act of having sex is not primary to the cuckold's experience. Here in Ohio, Ohio State conducted a recent study and dispelled the myth that males think about sex every seven seconds. In their study, they found the average to be about 19 times a day. I consider these studies to be lunacy .. (how do you honestly track the frequency of one's thoughts? There's so many levels that consciousness exists on. On what level are you tracking this and by expressing that you thought about it .. isn't that two times you thought about it? .. I mean this goes on and on and these kind of studies generally drive me crazy) .. but whatever the number is, we can all agree males incessantly think about sex.
So, for your term "addiction" .. I miss your entire drift there. Physically, the act of being denied his wife's vagina is intrinsic to the cuckold experience. Psychologically, it would be difficult to saturate the male brain with more thoughts about sex than he already has.
Now, if you are talking about "trans-fixation" on the subject matter or the predilection of one particular type of sexual thought, that is something else entirely. It is not "addiction" in the clinical sense.
Doc
..
First, let me say I find this to be an interesting thread.
Second, my opinion, as untrained and lacking of psychological professionalism and education as it may be, I get the basis of the emasculation part from the view of a non-professional.
My husband frequently said that I was trying to emasculate him. This is true to some degree. He gave a strong no-way to my actions. If he had gone along, and actually became excited by this, I can see, however unprofessional the assessment, that on some level he would be self-emasculating.
Again, this is based upon my untrained opinion and limited experience and what I view here on this site. That is, it seems like some men like to be emasculated and may even take steps to transform themselves, with the desire for hormones and so on, to make themselves less of a man.
One man will defend his masculinity while another may desire to lose his to some degree, even by his own choice. This is where I may view the "self-emasculation" part.
But again, I am not and do not claim to be a trained professional, nor am I calling anyone's view into question. I am just saying why I think there could be a self-emasculating component in some situations purely from the viewpoint of a non professional.
Second, my opinion, as untrained and lacking of psychological professionalism and education as it may be, I get the basis of the emasculation part from the view of a non-professional.
My husband frequently said that I was trying to emasculate him. This is true to some degree. He gave a strong no-way to my actions. If he had gone along, and actually became excited by this, I can see, however unprofessional the assessment, that on some level he would be self-emasculating.
Again, this is based upon my untrained opinion and limited experience and what I view here on this site. That is, it seems like some men like to be emasculated and may even take steps to transform themselves, with the desire for hormones and so on, to make themselves less of a man.
One man will defend his masculinity while another may desire to lose his to some degree, even by his own choice. This is where I may view the "self-emasculation" part.
But again, I am not and do not claim to be a trained professional, nor am I calling anyone's view into question. I am just saying why I think there could be a self-emasculating component in some situations purely from the viewpoint of a non professional.
