Newbie to the Kink: Some Advice Please

[wtpop]

First off, I love this forum. I have been reading the boards for around a week now and have enjoyed myself immensely. The posters seem to be genuine and the spam is non-existent. Kudos to the administrators and mods!

Let me again start off by apologizing for any cluttered writing or rambling as I only worked up enough courage to post this under the influence of about 6 beers and 48 hours without sexual interaction.

I am a 24 year old straight male grad student who is marrying his girlfriend of 5 1/2 years in 2 months. I am here because I have a fetish for cuckolding or hotwifing, I suppose. I enjoy porn and reading stories about men watching or knowingly allowing their woman to have sex with another man. I don't really understand why I have this fetish, I just know that I do.

I am mainly writing this for some advice. Not in the sense that I need guidance, but more so in the sense that I am wondering if my situation relates to anyone else on here. I am essentially looking for answers as I am confused by my fetish as I will explain later.

Background
I met my fiance when we were both 18, at a local college enrollment orientation. I was smitten with her at first sight and asked her out. We started dating and have been together ever since. She was a virgin when we first met, and I took her virginity. She's never been with another man besides myself. I on the other hand was with one girl before her, of which I believe cheated on me although she never admitted it nor could I prove it. I proposed to her 6 months ago. We've been exclusive since we began dating, and have sex regularly. We experience patches where she abstains from sex because of fear of pregnancy and religious reasons. She's currently on birth control and we've been having sex regularly.

Sex-Life
I am not a fit guy. I've struggled with weight all my life and have always been self-conscious of it. I am 5'10" and 210 lbs. I'm not exactly fat, but I am not fit either. I used to weigh around 260 a few years ago and then got down to 190. I'm back up 20 lbs but am working again to get back to where I want to be. All of that said, I am chunky, but not obese.
As for my endowment, I am almost at 6 inches and slightly below average girth when erect. I don't feel that small by any means but my tendency towards porn (especially at a young age) has left me self-conscious about my size which has led to bouts of premature ejaculation during intercourse. I can last for very long amounts of time except when I penetrate my fiance, of which I find myself ejaculating quicker than I want to.

It does not help that my fiance is very vocal about her frustrations when this occurs. She is a very strong, passionate woman who knows what she wants and does what she can to get what she wants. There are many times during sex that after we are through she sighs and grabs a personal massager to finish the job. There are also instances of which I penetrate my fiance and she asks if I am even in her. I know that I am not of god-given size, but I am not as small as some men are and find this frustrating and demoralizing.

Introduction to the Kink
I have always been a fan of porn. Ever since I discovered masturbation, porn has been accessible to me. It probably borders on addiction as I find myself seeking porn even when I've been sexually satisfied from intercourse or a blowjob a few hours before. I don't watch porn everyday, but probably on average every other day.

I discovered cuckolding/hotwiving/wife sharing about a year ago when a porn site I frequent had a "Please Bang My Wife" video on its featured list. I watched this video and was appalled but utterly arroused. The way the woman, even though she was an actress, looked at her husband as she fucked another man drove me crazy. I began seeking out "wife" porn videos, and eventually discovered 'Cuckolding" porn.

For the record, I find myself to be turned on most by porn of which the husband is supportive of the wife in her endeavors and enjoys watching her escapades. I have gotten off to porn dealing with interracial dealings, as well as revenge cuckolding.

I find myself most aroused by porn when there is another man in the video watching the woman who is acting as his wife.

All of this said, I have tried to masturbate to my fiance with another man. I did buy her a dildo that measures 8 inches and is really thick. We used it once, and she won't use it again as she said it hurt her. Although I don't visually picture her with another man when I watch these scenarios, I end up searching websites like this seeking out the psychology of the men who allow their wives to live this lifestyle.

Final Thoughts
My feeling of inadequacy in the bedroom is most likely leading me to this fetish, but I have found myself obsessed with the thought of hotwives stepping out on their husband. I am turned on by the thought of a bigger dick penetrating a woman I could potentially mate with. I imagine this is the evolutionary testosterone talking in my mind, but I still find it intoxicating to fathom.

I am not for certain if I am meant for this lifestyle or if my fiance is for that matter. Her willingness is a whole other subject altogether.

I mainly wrote this post for some feedback as to whether or not some of you could decipher my angst or lust I am feeling. Keep in mind that I have never had a visual image of my fiance with another man but I instead focus on her experiencing immense pleasure.

My ultimate fantasy I suppose is to give her the best pleasure that she can ever experience and I guess that my self-awareness in the my sexual inadequacies has led to this fetish.

Any thoughts, feedback, flame, or suggestions anyone could give is much appreciated.

Thank you.

 

[batman22]

The way you describe yourself almost mirrors me, including personal body description. Only difference is I am a couple years older. I too feel the same way and just joined this forum hoping to get feedback as well. The way you describe your soon to be wife, reminds me of my wife. Only difference is before she and I met, she was rather loose, having about 10-12 different partners and me only having 2. I find my wife to have a sexy body. Granted, she is no super-model, but she has nice curves that turn me more than any porn star can.

To try to answer your question about the lust factor, I believe that just like me, you see your woman as a woman of beauty, so much so that you want to see that beauty shared with others. A woman as beautiful as her should be shared if she should choose. That is how I feel and how I decipher the situation. Since we are both new to this, I am open to talking more in depth if you wish. Send me a pm if interest and maybe we can both help each other. If not, good luck to you!

 

[Saraha]

The current recommendation to get your weight down under control is to restrict your diet to what the cavemen used to eat.

This maximises your testosterone and minimises the female hormones circulating in your blood. The weight will drop off you and your sexual performance will improve automatically as your hormone ratios rebalance. Allergies tend to disappear.

(Meat, vegies, nuts, eggs, seeds, fruit) = 95% of what you eat.

High glycaemic foods spike the insulin and FORCE your body to crave fat and store it around your organs and under the skin.

Mark Wilson (Boost Your Low Testosterone! Increase Low T Levels Naturally)
has dedicated himself to helping men regain their sex drive by some excellent advice.

If you register for his newsletters, you will discover he does not use the steroids that cause behavour rages in elite athletes (and I suspect tennis players who lose their cool).

He goes to a lot of trouble to prove to you why your weight won't go down to your goal.

I have a friend who walked 700 kms in a week and did not lose any weight despite eating half what you would expect him to need for such a race.

It is hormones that decide what you will weigh, so Mark shows you how to stop female hormones making your belly too big.

It can be a compliment to a woman if she turns you on so powerfully that you premature ejaculate. Imagine how she would feel if she walked into a room and all the men had an erection on the spot - I guess she would feel powerful and incredibly beautiful.

A lot of older guys can't even get a "rise" even if 33 horny woman take their clothes off in front of their eyes, because their hormones are out of balance.

Steve Jones has hypnotic tapes that can reprogram your subconscious mind to stop premature ejaculation. If you register on his website and wait until a statutory holiday is coming up, he usually drops his prices to only 50 cents to a $1 for mp3 downloads - the rest of the year you may pay big money because all the Hollywood stars pay him up to $4,000 for a hypnotic session. He has numerous qualifications in University Education and hypnosis and has been going a long time, getting some amazing results. He walks the talk.

 

[wtpop]

Batman - I think you hit my lust dead on the money. I love the idea of my future wife being in absolute ecstasy. I would like to hear more about your background. Have you posted it before? Feel free to PM me as well.

Sarah - Thanks for the info, and I am currently trying to lose weight. My goal is to get down to 195 before the wedding, which is easily accomplished if I put my mind to it. I plan on starting a hard work out regiment on Monday so I will keep you update as to how that goes.

 

[wtpop]

So, I guess my posting on the forum has built up some courage within myself.

Tonight my girl and I got a little tipsy. We watched a couple movies, including Crazy Stupid Love.

After the movies were over, I started rubbing her shoulders and we went to bed. She is on her period so we didn't have sex, but I did massage her breasts and spoon with her until she fell asleep. We had a pretty interesting conversation before she fell asleep, as to why I am still up and posting on the forum!

While we were spooning, my hands cupped over her breasts and chin in her ear, I asked her to 'talk dirty to me'. She started talking about how much she wanted my hard cock in her pussy and mouth, and how I'd just fuck her pretty little mouth until I came down her throat. Ah, this turned me on. 1) It's rare that I get her to talk so slutty to me, and 2) She hasn't let me cum in her mouth since we first started dating.

My arousal posed me to ask her again what her most dirty fantasies were. She scoffed at first, saying she didn't want to say as they were embarrassing and would never happen. I encouraged her to go on, and she admitted to some fantasies about being dominated by an authoritative male. I made the comment that I know I'm that way in bed and she kind of groaned and agreed. I asked her for some even dirtier fantasies, like she had told me in the past.

She began describing a threesome with two men, about how she'd enjoy having one man fuck her while she gave the other a blowjob. She said she loved pornos where the woman just seemed to be in ecstasy during situations like this.

As you can probably guess my sexual arousal was through the roof. With this fetish on the brain the last week, I began to ask her details about the threesome. I asked if she had envisioned certain guys and she said 'just me' and someone random. I asked her if the other guy had a bigger dick than me and she said yes, but not really. She may have just been appeasing me at this point due to her admission of wanting to be with another man at the same time as me.

She asked me what my dirtiest fantasy was and I admitted that I always masturbate thinking about seeing her in ecstasy due to being fucked like she had never been fucked before. I admitted to her that my ultimate satisfaction in my thoughts was seeing her in complete and utter primal utopia after sex. I apologized for not being able to give that her all the time but wanted her to take the initiative to ensure she received that ecstasy as it is important to me.

She said that I was extremely sweet and that was really thoughtful and sexy. We talked about how this kind of talk was good and that it was important for us to be open in our sexual conversations in order to ensure we please one another. I mentioned that we could role play her fantasies next time we have sex, all of them. She agreed and said she'd love to use the dildo on herself while giving me head. The conversation lingered off as she became sleepy. She fell asleep shortly afterward.

I am really not sure why I ran to post this as I am confused as to why this excites me so. When I think about it, I really cannot envision my fiance with another man. The thing that turns me on is the thought of her being sexually fulfilled.

What should I do next? How do I know if I am really into this fetish or if I am just using it as a crutch to make up for insecurities?

How should I bring this up again, if anything just to satisfy my sick curiosity?

Can anyone relate to my situation? Based on the information I have given, what do you see as me fitting into as far a hotwifing/cuckolding lifestyle? What advise can you give for me to use in order to confirm this is the lifestyle I want to pursue? Any advice you can give, please do so.

Thank you all and Happy New Year!!!

 

[Saraha]

Your bride to be loves talking sexy with you, so just let things flow along and see how far she lets things go. Give her plenty of romance and the role-playing will seed her mind automatically over time.

Once you are married, many of your insecurities will disappear, because she has chosen you over other men - she would not be your girl if she did not think you were very special as a man. You deserve just as much happiness as any other man on planet earth.

Remember that God does not make junk - all his inventions have a purpose, even if us humans can't work out why we all look different. It dosen't matter what your body looks like - what counts is what is in your heart, and how you treat your girl.

A marriage is a partnership and you try to help each other achieve your hopes and dreams, so by the time you grow old all the items on your bucket lists have been achieved. When you work together, A WAY WILL BE FOUND to get the things you need to have a fantastic life together.

Spooning is a nice way for a couple to fall asleep with love in their heart for each other.