New direction

[sherules]

Hey guys, thanks for letting me know someone actually reads my ramblings. I like using this forum as a kind of diary so that I can sort through some of my feelings on this. Since Amber has been "cheating" on me since we met, I can't really claim to suddenly feel taken advantage of. That of course brings up it's own issues "why did i fall in love with a woman who likes to fuck other guys?" "why do i get off on my wife fucking other men?" "what kind of weirdo sits there and jerks himself raw while his wife tells him about wearing a sexy suit and 5 inch heels to go meet an attorney for a business meeting that we both know was simply an excuse to fuck him?"
Now that Amber has fucked David I find myself obsessed by it. In fact I have even fantasized about just "happening" to walk past his townhouse to run into him now that my wife has put her high-heeled legs on his shoulders while he fucks her married pussy. Or maybe "run into him" at his local bar and have a drink both of us knowing he has fucked my wife. The way Amber has described their two evenings together, I know she has a major crush on him. And I just love that both nights my naughty sexy slutty hot little wife got escorted to the front of the hotel at 2:00am by a good looking black guy wearing gym shorts and a tshirt.
He is evidently going back out to San Diego in about two weeks, and then i'm going to do the trip west around the July 4 holiday. And of course she drove me nuts telling me "maybe it is much better he lives in chicago since otherwise i'd probably be in bed with him every night"
I don't see her fucking his friends, she has never responded to being told what to do, even by alpha guys she thinks are gorgeous. And although she loves cuckolding me, she thinks that a guy wanting to watch his "girlfriend" fuck another guy is weird, and I'm pretty sure she would think less of David if he wanted to share her. She loves alpha guys because she can win lol. That being said, David works in the sports industry out here, and so does J. So..... there is a small chance that my hot little wife is going to be out with one lover and run into a former lover. There is apparently some big benefit in July at the house of one of the owners of one of these companies that David wants her to go to with him. Not black tie, but as she said he told her "sexy-fun"
As for parties, Dr. M has some black tie graduation event this weekend. He joked about bringing her, but since she sells to a lot of the people who would go, and it is a work event for him she politely declined. But, since she can't resist a good looking guy in a tux, she told him she DEFINITELY wants to see him after, and apparently, naughty giggle, before too. She is planning to get all dressed up and meet him at this pretty romantic bar halfway between our house and his event.

 

[sherules]

So my phone call at 5:30 this morning
"Hey Baby, were you sleeping? I miss you. M just left"
"MMMMf He did?"
"Yes baby, he did. And now I am lying here in our bed wishing you could just come upstairs and kiss my naughty pussy?"
"Did he fuck you?"
"Yes darling he did"
"Did you go meet him last night or did he just come over?"
"I went to meet him"
"What did you wear?"
"That silver tunic dress you love, the one with the open back, and my new Jimmy Choo silver slingback sandals"
"Anything under?"
"No, I didn't think I'd need it"
"Where did you go?"
"Hotel La Jolla"
"The view is great up there"
"And the back room is kind of quiet..."
"Did you stay out long?"
"No, he looked so good in his tux"
"Did you kiss him?"
"Yes baby, he is my boyfriend. I kiss him like he is my boyfriend"
"When did he find out you had no panties on?"
"When I flashed him and told him I wanted to go home....He even fingered me while we were kissing in the elevator"
"Did he drive you home?"
"Yes"
"Did you invite him in?"
"Yes"
"Did he fuck you in our bed?"
"Yes baby he did. His long hard cock fucked me in our bed. I had this wonderful long orgasm too. It was like it never stopped."
"Did he cum?"
"Yes baby, deep inside your wife.... but then he had to leave and now I am lying here wishing I could feel you crawl between my legs and kiss my naughty pussy."
"Oh god baby you make me so hard"
"I know, that is why I love you. I miss you"
Click
so...wide awake I jerk off
And since it was 5:30, back to sleep dreaming of Dr. M fucking my wife's sexy married pussy in our bed.
Yay, the life of a cuckold

 

[dana007]

Hi Sherules
last update soundes great has anything gone on with your wife. let us know if you have any updates with her and M or David.

 

[Susan's Slave]

Sherules I not only read your posts with delight, but I share them with Susan. You and Soon-to-be deserve a lot of the credit for Susan's current friskyness, Thank you both!

 

[sherules]

Hey, sorry I haven't posted for a while.
Last week after Amber's middle of the night phone call I JO'd and went back to sleep.
We chatted again later that afternoon.
And something just clicked and went wrong for me.
Amber was telling me about her date with Dr. M, and I had this image of how sexy and gorgeous she looked in her silver dress and super high heels. I am flying out there on Thursday for another ten day visit over July 4 weekend and she mentioned that David was going to be there from yesterday until Thursday and that he wanted to take her to a benefit party he was going to.
I don't know why but I just started crying.
Amber was great, she had been telling me how when she walked into the bar to meet Dr. M she felt like a Bond girl, and that he looked amazing in his tux and how in the elevator on the way down he had her dress over her hips and was fingering her and how when she got home she had his cock out and was squatting in front of him and sucking his cock. That was when I kind of lost it. She definitely backed off on the description and we just talked.
Over this past week we have talked A LOT about us, and where we are going and what bothered me.
The part that bothered me the most is that she looked so stunning and gorgeous and was with him and I am not there to see it, and that she had met her steady alpha male BF like that, and then that this weekend she was going to be out publicly with another alpha male lover (David) and it just welled up in me.
Over the week of talking she laid off telling me too much about her dating, it was more about us, and how her "infidelity" isn't unfaithfulness to our marriage and how much she loves me.
I know she was with Dr. M again Friday night, and David arrived yesterday and they went to this party last night.
I've also had a chance to have some time to myself to work through some of this. I'm still feeling a little "fragile" but I can't wait to talk to her about her weekend.
And yes, I'm ready for her to tell me about how Friday night she dated her serious BF, and how she loves the way he looks at her when she is dressed up for him or how excited she was to go out with David last night and how she wore a pretty little dress and sexy heels for David and how much she enjoyed his black cock fucking her married pussy.
I know that her dating life is no secret, and that this has been going on our whole marriage. But sometimes it is a little overwhelming. I feel so weak for admitting it, but a good cry and a loving supportive wife seemed to help a little.

 

[willypeter]

That's the other side of the coin when you play this game. Amber is gorgeous and daring in a way that few hot wives probably actually are, despite what we read on here. A lot of cucks have wives that really don't attract them much anymore and farm them out to other men for their own amusement or to escape their sexual obligations or to assuage their homosexual desires for other men's cocks. When a couple like you comes along, rarely, where the woman is hot as hell and has a strong personal sexual agenda of her own and her husband is titillated enough by the force of her sexuality . . . and by his own sense of sexual inadequacy because of her overwhelming needs . . . a perfect cuckold relationship is borne, but it's more perfect for her than him in every case. That can work two ways: the woman can be overwhelmed by the cuck's addiction to her promiscuity and his demands and constant requests for her to do more or act wilder or dress sluttier; the other side of that coin is what you're feeling right now: the husband can be overwhelmed by the unrelenting emotional roller coaster of sexual titillation, depression, fear, feelings of having no control over his marriage, love, loneliness, etc. It comes with the territory, and I've certainly been there. I remember many, many nights of sitting alone in the dark in our house while my wife was out fucking, sipping whiskey and crying my eyes out in my recliner. In a sense it made me feel even weaker and more inadequate as a man than I was already feeling but in another it was a needed release, and I learned to let it go freely when I needed to. There was no one there to see me and though I've never been good at crying, I let it go as best I could. I suspect that there's more going on than just tears when a man breaks down and cries; I think there's a massive release of brain chemicals that somehow restores an unbalanced mind to some sense of harmony, and once I started looking at it that way, that's the way I thought about it when I was crying. It seemed to work for me, but I never quite got used to crying like a woman, either. I also had episodes of rage at times, which is strange because I was the pushy one in my cuckold marriage. My poor wife was continually beleaguered by my insistence that she do more, fuck more guys, do crazier and crazier shit, and I spent a fortune making sure she looked so fucking good that she could pretty much have any man she focused on. Still, once in a while something would inexplicably set me off for reasons I couldn't quite understand except for some weird timing issue between her behavior and my emotional state. The most embarrassing memory that way was a night when she didn't come home when I expected her to. This was in the days before cell phones and it wasn't always convenient or even possible for her to let me know that she was going to be out all night. The most ironic thing was that, as it turned out, she was finally fucking a guy I had been insisting she seduce for six months, and she had never done it. He was the CEO of a company I did business with, a young virile handsome guy who I thought of as an alpha alpha male, and he hit on my wife shamelessly every time we met socially. Since we ran in the same circles, that was fairly frequently, and from the first time I saw it happening I encouraged her to fuck him. For some reason I didn't understand, she resisted. Later she told me that she resisted because she sensed that he got all the pussy he wanted, anyway, and only wanted her in order to exert some masculine control over me, and that offended her. Well, hell, it didn't offend me, and I was the "offended party," not her. She was already fucking most of my colleagues on the QT, and I loved knowing all about their sexual tastes with them not knowing that I knew, and I was eager to have that same "sexual intelligence" on him, but my wife wouldn't cooperate and fuck him. In retrospect I understand now that my addiction is under control, but at the time it bothered me greatly, even though the guy in question was a total arrogant prick ex-frat boy asshole. In fact, that was probably exactly why I so wanted her to fuck him. So, anyway, she doesn't come home one Friday night when I've just come back from a business trip, doesn't call, and finally comes driving in at 4 am with her convertible top down looking happy, *****, and disheveled, and before I know it, I'm confronting her in the driveway in a fucking rage. "Where the fuck have you been, goddamnit? Why couldn't you fucking call me? Do you know how fucking worried I've been? We had plans for tonight, goddamnit, and you can't even fucking call me?" She was completely taken aback and her tipsy smile was quickly replaced with a rage of her own. "Where have I been? Where have I been? You asshole, I've been in a sleazy goddamn motel fucking David Taylor, the cheap arrogant asshole you wanted me to fuck so badly, that's where I've been. Now get the fuck out of my way and let me go to bed!" It escalated from there to the point that she shoved me to get past me and I punched her in the stomach, screaming, "You fucking bitch, you're cutting my balls off and handing them to me on a platter and now you want to make me eat them, and I'm not going to do it. Do you fucking understand? This shit is over. You're driving me fucking crazy! I'll fucking kill you if you don't let up!" I was yelling so loudly that our neighbors, who weren't that close, called the police to report a disturbance, and I've always thought that they heard clearly what I was yelling, as well. She rushed past me crying and screaming, "You bastard! You fucking bastard! I hate you for what you've done to us!" and I was left standing alone in the driveway at 4:20 am trying desperately to control a rage I neither saw coming nor really understood. Now I know it was just an amplification of what you're feeling right now, the other side of the cuckold coin. We may be cucks but we're still accomplished men in our own right, we're still paying the bills, we're still the enablers of our wives' fun, and, by God, we have some rights, too, in this whole sordid mess we've created. Such was the intensity of that moment . . . and the embarrassment of dealing with the police cruiser responding to a complaint of domestic abuse . . . that it was a turning point for me, a wake up call of how unsettled I was becoming. It was also the only time in my life I ever struck my wife, and that was the beginning of the end for her. She never forgave my hitting her and was never quite the same in our relationship after that night. From her perspective, she had finally given in to a man she didn't want to fuck and didn't even like, in order to appease me, and this was the thanks she got? Not to mentioned that he was a selfish, arrogant fuck with a marginal dick, no particular skills in the sack, and took her to some sleazy no-tell motel with porn playing to fuck her. It had been an entirely distasteful evening for her to begin with, and I made it the perfect storm by going off the deep end on her when she got home.

Like any addiction, ours is a dangerous one. We may be accomplished and successful men but we are not wholesome individuals, and our relationships, while exciting and satisfying on the lust level, are abberant nonetheless. Cuckold relationships can be managed and maintained for a long time and almost certainly enhance the sexuality of a marriage when they're working. If you're lucky they can even enhance the deeper emotional side of a marriage, but as you're finding out, they can also be a bitch to handle, especially for the cuck after the wife has hit her stride sexually, is living large with a host of lovers, and knows she can never go back to fucking an inferior little man like her husband exclusively. Then the "you asked for it now you've got it" aspect of what you've created comes home hard, and you're left to deal with it on your own. If the wife is a basically good person, as Amber seems to be, she'll go easy on you and help your through the emotional difficulty, but underlying her compassion is a selfish motive, as well, that both parties can read plainly. She'll help you through this moment of pain, but you know in your heart that you've lost her forever sexually, that your relationship is forever changed and aberrant and irretrievable, and ultimately you're gong to just have to fucking get used to it. You asked for it, now you've got it. Most times it leaves you so excited you can hardly stand it, but sometimes it leaves you alone and crying in the dark. I can certainly commiserate.

 

[sherules]

Willy, thanks for the honest commentary. I think part of my problem was that I still have this vision that some day i'll be the tall dashing guy with a big cock that my wife puts a shimmery silver tunic on and five in heels to go meet for a drink but knowing that guy will never be me. and hearing her excitement about Dr. M just tipped it for me.
she has been very sweet and supportive over the past 10 days. She hasn't avoided the issue when i bring it up, but she also hasn't been teasing me with details. She had a great time at the party, and since it was a summery evening she wore a spaghetti strap summery dress, below knee, with a little cardigan and strappy heels. I'm sure David spent the entire evening thinking about when exactly he could make his excuses to leave the party with this smoking hot married woman that he brought. I know they went back to his hotel for a drink, but honestly i didn't push the asking.
She has been busy at work the last three nights, but tonight she is having dinner with him, and tomorrow night she is seeing Dr. M. David was apparently bummed that she couldn't see him.
I land late on thursday and I can't wait to see her. I'm sure as soon as i have her in my arms and know she is safely "mine" the whole flood of how much i love her and my excitement over her "infidelity" will come rushing back.
And yes, i have been jerking off to imagining David walking her into the bar at his hotel, them finding a secluded spot, and that moment when she smiles and tells him she wants his big black cock deep inside her married pussy.
As well as to the image of her meeting Dr. M in that dress. Even though it tipped me over the edge.
Anyhow, this has been a long six weeks. I can't wait to have her all to myself for a little while.

 

[sherules]

Kind of a surreal breakfast this morning. Amber and I went up to LA to visit her mom and her husband. Her husband is leaving this afternoon to go meet his son for a week fly fishing trip. So we are sitting around their house, having breakfast, drinking coffee, just hanging out. New York Times magazine has an article today about fidelity in marriage. Basic gist is that monogamy is not “normal” but honesty should be. Lots of stuff about “cheating” but nothing about cuckoldry, at least not in the first part that I skimmed.
Anyhow, my MIL’s hub chuckles as he puts the magazine down on the table. Kisses my MIL on the cheek, and says “is that why you love me so much? Because I like you being “monogamish?” My MIL blushes deeply and girlish giggle “I have to keep your attention somehow” and then “besides, Amber taught me how helpful to our marriage it could be” He turns to Amber and goes “Well, then. Thank you Amber”
So then, long conversation about Amber and us, and how we are handling the separation and how she is doing with Dr. M. Also about how “cheating” and cuckoldry are helping us and how they agree that it is honesty and openness rather than monogamy that matters. Amber’s mom is curious about differences between serious dating, and her quick flings. My MIL is turning 50 this year, and is still a very sexy woman. Since her husband is out of town for the next 8 days, she is going to be “cheating” with a trainer from her gym. So then I had to sit there for half an hour while my wife and my mother in law talked about the guys they were fucking. And then Amber admitted she has a HUGE crush on this black attorney and how he took her to this benefit party last Saturday and how she loved making the entrance on his arm. Then girl talk about what she wore, and how pretty she must have looked and is she seeing him again etc etc
My MIL has known about Amber’s cuckoldry for about 5 years but this is the first time that we have had a nearly two hour conversation openly about it. I just was struck by how “odd” yet how “normal” this morning was.

 

[dana007]

Hi Sherules
i hope things are going well for you and Amber sounds like you may have something to
worry about with David sounds like she likes his dick alot does she say that you are the one and only or has some of that changed now over time as well let us know and hope things stay as there are with you and Amber keep us updated .

 

[dana007]

Hi Sherules
hope you had a good time with your wife over the july holday do you have any updates for us with her and Doc M and David has any thing changed with you and her over all of this keep us updated .

 

[sherules]

Hey, quick update, Amber is sleeping in this morning and I head back to Chicago tonight.
So, surreal experience part II.
Last Sunday after we had that whole discussion I was feeling a little jumpy and unsettled. My MIL and my wife with the occasional contribution from my MIL's hub had just openly discussed the use of "infidelity" and cuckolding to make a marriage stronger. And my wife had talked openly about both her current BF's, including telling her mom about dressing up for David and going with him to this cool party she went to. The odd thing was she was totally respectful of me, and how appreciative she was of the freedom I gave her.
That afternoon, they were going to go shopping, and I had no desire to do that, so I hung out at MIL's house and then went off to meet a friend in LA for a quick drink and dinner. Around 8:30 I was going to meet up with Amber and her mom for a drink and dinner in Santa Monica. I got there a little bit after 9:00. By this point Amber and her mom have two other guys sitting at the table. Turns out her mom's lover, the trainer, came into the same bar and noticed the two girls. Obviously happy to join them. Trainer is what you'd expect for a trainer in Santa Monica, about 35, ripped, fake tan, turned out to be a decent enough guy.
Anyhow, when I get there Amber introduces me a "a friend of hers who lives in Chicago" and gives me a little wink and a smile. Her mom at first is a little embarrassed that i am there while she is flirting with her lover but she settles down too. The buddy asks how we all know each other and Amber says that she and I "used to live in the same building but that i live in Chicago now" So trainer takes MIL to dance floor and his buddy is flirting hard with Amber. They are talking and I can see my MIL and the trainer kissing on the dance floor. Nothing outrageous, but definitely making out. I feel a little weird spying on my hot MIL seeing her making out with a younger guy, but she is a really pretty woman and it looks super sexy. Amber is chatting with the other guy, definitely flirting but rubbing her foot up and down my leg. As you can imagine I am rock hard. Amber gets up to go pee leaving me to chat with the friend. AWKWARD, but he seems to have no clue that I am her hub. When I think she is about to come back I get up to go take a leak too. Catch her in hallway outside bathrooms. She gives me a super sexy loving kiss. And says "I have no interest in him, but my mom likes his friend" another kiss "I cant wait for you to take me home to bed"
I was in heaven.
So MIL and trainer get back to table, we have one more drink and then goodbyes. We got back to MIL's house, and head off to bed. When we get to bed she is "aggressive" teasing me about watching her flirt while she is giving me a super sexy HJ/BJ. Which turns into her telling me to lick her pussy and she tells me she loves feeling David's shaved head down there, and then she lays on her back and tells me to stand and enter her while she tells me she loves laying like that while she carresses Dr. M's huge cock and how she feels when he slowly enters her.
I last about a minute after I enter her.
And she cums too.

 

[dana007]

Hi Sherules
i am glad things are good with you and your wife but as i said in apost a time ago
i think things are soing to change with amber and David i hope that they do not but it sounds like she is falling for him in a big way so keep us up to date with all of it and i hope it does not happen look forward to all the updates.

 

[dana007]

Hi Sherules
has she amytime with Doc M or David you can update us about look forward to any and all updates .

 

[okdeacon]

Sherules Thanks For This Thread

Sir for what its worth i dont think for second that your wife would fall for david and leave you. Hell man your wife is intelligent and is NOT going to piss off what you two have. Your lady has the best of both worlds and the total security that you provide for her in all aspects of her life. She may get giddy over enjoying some bbc when its available, but after all that is what its all about. She knows that having only one man would be like going back to the high button shoes era. All those wonderful dinners and great fucks from other men would have to be given up. Crap she didnt come to town on a turnip truck and she damm sure isnt going to leave town on one. You have a great life going for you two and i hope you are enjoying it to the max. okdeacon said it.

 

[sherules]

Deacon, thanks for the support. Sorry I haven't posted in a while, we have had some events which caused a "re-evaluation"
Amber has a friend from growing up, kind of a nerdy guy who is about three years older than her. I always call him Forrest Gump because he is friends with a super hot girl who is out of his league (Amber, lol). Anyhow, he married this classic Southern California hot chick. They live up in the bay area now. Anyhow, last week he found out she had been cheating on him for nearly a year. Unlike me, he is NOT into the idea. They have two kids, and this apparently torpedoed his marriage. So, long teary phone calls with Amber. She never liked his wife, but accepted her because he was totally in love with her. I always thought she was plasticy pretty, but kind of selfabsorbed. Although i didnt mind looking at her lol.
Anyhow, this freaked Amber out a little, and so she started questioning whether we were doing the right thing. She tried to convince me that we should maybe pull back a little and be faithful etc.
So I have been in the odd position of talking my wife into not breaking up with her two boyfriends without being pushy about her not breaking up with her two boyfriends.
She is seeing Dr. M tonight and David is flying out Tuesday for the opening day at the races. He is going with clients of his, but invited Amber to join them.
I feel so totally beta having to calm her down so that she doesn't break up with her BF's.

 

[sherules]

Surreal moment part two
Amber has obviously been speaking to her friend a lot over the past week or so. Apparently he blurted out something like "I used to think you were super sexy and hot for the affairs you had on your boyfriends. but now i just wonder how can you do that to your husband? especially since he is away? are you cheating on him now?"
So she told him that i knew about it
that i always knew about it
that i knew about ALL of it
and that yes she was "cheating on me" but that was part of us and in fact i had just spent the past few nights consoling her over his marriage ending and reassuring her that i DID like it and that she should stay with her BF
she had told me all of this yesterday
late last night, like 1 my time, he called me.
"hey i guess Amber told you about what is going on" etc etc
"yeah, i'm so sorry"
10 minutes of chatting
"hey, how do you guys handle the travel and the distance?"
"you know, it is hard, but we are honest with eachother, and we talk a lot"
blah blah blah
"what if she met someone?"
"what do you mean?"
"like she is in sales and is very pretty and youre away and..."
decision time
"you mean like Dr. M?"
"who's that?"
"so what has she told you?"
"that you know she still fools around"
"he's her boyfriend"
i actually timed this, 88 seconds of silence
"so you know?"
"yes"
"she said she tells you everything"
"she does. they went out on a date last night. he spent the night at our house. call her in the morning, he'll be there. i also know that her other lover, a black attorney here in chicago is flying out there for a business meeting and they are going to opening day at the races"
soft "wow"
"so you see, she's still the same, still can't stay faithful to her boyfriends"
so more chatting and then i finally told him this works for us and that I can't tell him what to do but that his first priority is making sure his kids are safe and protected.
The whole time we were talking of course i kept thinking that my wife, his best friend was on her back legs spread wide and Dr. M was plunging his big cock deep inside her and that on Wednesday she is going to be straddling David's big cock and how much i love her.

 

[okdeacon]

Yes Yes Yes

Sir for sure its very HOT. ENJOY your Hot Wife and tell her to ENJOY her boy friends. ***** okdeacon

 

[sherules]

Quick update:
Amber went with David to races Wednesday afternoon, spent whole time teasing him in her sexy little dress, super high heels and fancy hat. They were in a luxury box owned by one of his clients. They went back to his hotel before meeting other clients of his for dinner and he basically pushed her onto the bed, lifted her dress and entered her from behind.
She LOVED that she got him so worked up.
Interestingly she had gotten a call on Wed from the guy she flirted with in LA when we went up to visit her mom. He got her number from the guy her mom was fucking. He had come down for opening day and wanted to see if she wanted to join him and his friends. She was obviously busy but she told him she'd love to see him if he was ever back.
David left this morning, and Dr. M leaves Sunday for a two week trip with his kids. She is dating Dr. M tonight, and then his kids are with him tomorrow for the following two weeks. So as it happens, the guy from LA just happens to be coming down to SD again on Saturday. So he of course wondered if she'd be interested in meeting for a drink so she said sure.
I love my naughty wife!

 

[okdeacon]

I Love My Naughty Wife

Sherules, As you should, for you have one of the best in the WORLD. How hot and beautiful she must be. Again ENJOY. okdeacon

 

[sherules]

Hey. Not sure if anyone actually reads this, but it helps me to put my words down, so here goes. I think I've reached one of those cuckold moments that Willie warned about. Amber and I have been sniping at each other on the phone a fair amount recently. Last weekend she: fucked David on Thursday, then took him to airport, went out to a romantic dinner with Dr. M Friday and he spent the night at our (i guess her) house, fucking her brains out all night and then Saturday night the new guy took her to a party for a movie he was involved with that was being held during Comic-Con. He fucked her in his hotel and then again on Sunday before he headed up to LA they met for drinks in the afternoon which turned into her on her back with his cock inside her.
So I was OK with that, obviously, I'm a cuck, so jealous of her men, but happy for her. But then this week. I guess a hipster thing in LA is to come down for the races in Del Mar. So the trainer Amber's mom fucked and a couple of other guys, and this new guy were coming down to go to the races yesterday. Her mom was joining them. Most were going back to LA last night but the trainer and a couple of other people including Amber's guy were staying. So she went with them. I know my MIL knows. I mean our July 4 conversation pretty much set that out in the open, but something kinda bugged me about Amber and her mom "double dating" and then, also, Amber told me that next weekend Dr. M has invited her to this super fancy La Jolla benefit party at a club on the ocean. I wouldn't care so much but I am going out there next weekend and she is coming here for a long weekend at Labor Day. So I complained a little about the double date and her going to the benefit next weekend. Amber pretty much told me off.
"You've been making comments about this for a month. If you're unhappy with this, then tell me. You know who I am, I have never kept secrets from you or cheated on you. If you really want me to stop seeing other guys then man up and tell me, but I seem to remember plenty of night with you jerking off while I tell you how Dr. M fucked me in our bed."
That kind of brought me up short. And unfortunately that was pretty much the last thing she told me before she had to go get ready to meet her mom and the other at the hotel to go to the races.
So of course last night I was jerking off thinking about her going out on a double date. Wondering what she wore since I didn't get a chance to ask and proud and self satisfied those guys must be, each of them banging a hot married chick.
And I realized I am torn. She is super sexy. She hasn't "cheated" on me in the sense of keeping secrets. She is open, honest and loving. She just happens to like dating other guys even though she is married to me. And I know she cares for Dr. M a great deal, and that this is a HUGE event and that she would love to be his GF for the night at this kind of swank party and get dressed up in a long sexy gown with her hair done up and super sexy heels and him in a tux.
So, I don't know. I wish I was the man who would say "Stop this" or more accurately the one who she voluntarily stayed faithful to. But I know if I told her to stop she'd eventually cheat. And I'm not that guy anyhow.
I have filled out the order three times, but not sent it, for flowers with a card that say "Darling, I love you. I want to help you get ready for the ball. I think you're stunning. Dr. M will too"
Seven months down, but this is hard.