Need advice to keep her going while keeping me

[dontcare2share]

Ok, I'm not sure how to explain everything that has been happening with me in the past couple of months or so, but I'm looking for advice, tips, pointers, whatever, to help keep it going because it's better than anything I've experienced thus far. This ended up being longer than I wanted, but I wanted all the facts out there.

This woman and I work in an office together. We have worked together maybe 5 years, always got along great. After a year or 2 she would always flirt with me, but I told her she was married and I do not get involved with married women. She would often comment that her husband was mean and verbally abused her. He was very controlling and always tried to limit the time she spent with her girlfriends. Whenever there was an office function that was at a restraunt, or just some of us (both men and women) would go out for drinks, she could never go because he would not "let" her. Even on lunch hours, she had to go with an all female group. She said he had always accused her of cheating on him and having numerous affairs, all of which she would always deny. It had been this way since they were married. They married young and she was a virgin. She is in her mid 30's now.

About a year ago, she started a 'flirting affair' with another male co-worker that was known to get around with the women that worked there and even some clients. They would email and text msg every day, she would tell him in detail what she wanted to do and he would flirt back but that's as far as it ever got. They never met, and barely spoke to each other at work. She would often tell me all the things they talked about. I asked her if he decided to meet with her, would she do it and cheat, she said she wanted to but also didnt want to hurt her husband even though he was mean to her. She phrased it as, "I want my cake and be able to eat it too".

4 months ago, she asked me about starting an affair. I told her she was an attractive woman, but still married. She said this other guy would not do anything with her, and she was tired of getting accused of things all the time. I said if she had a full on affair with another man first, I would then consider it but did not want to be first. Well, she found another man and started an affair with him, but after 2 months, the husband found out. He divorced her quick, she signed over most everything to him. When the other guy she was fucking found out she was getting divorced, he dumped her.

She asked me again about going out now that she was free to. She said she wasn't looking for anything serious, but had always liked me a lot and felt a special connection to me. So we met one night and the sparks flew. It was beyond great for me, and she was impressed with me as well. We both agreed on some ground rules for us: that since we both knew each other and that we were both clean, that we could go without condoms with one another but use them if/when we hooked up with someone else.

Being in a cuckold/swinging lifestyle has always been a huge turn on for me and something I've wanted to do, but never had the opportunity. I explored the option with my ex-wife when we were married and she had no interest in it at all. We later divorced and I've been single about 3 years now, with few women interested in me since then and my time very limited with work and the pressures of life, and at the time a sick parent I had to care for.

I told her that I thought both of us should be 100% honest with each other and our involvement with others. She agreed. Things were slow for a couple weeks, as we only met secretly, as if she was still married. She, nor I, were involved with anyone else. Plus, her ex had been following her and she could only meet when he was away on business.

Then everything changed about a month ago. It was my weekend with my child so we couldnt see each other. the following monday, she texts me and says she met with another guy over the weekend, and that i might want to start using condoms with her. After inquiring why she violated our pact, eventually she told me they met friday, did it 3 times, used them all 3 times. They met again sunday, did it 3 times, but on the 2nd time he didnt put one on, and she didnt know that until he pulled out to cum. She said she was sorry, and it wouldnt happen again with him or with anyone else.

Since then, the 2 of them (we'll call him guy#1) meet often, usually on nights that she and I aren't fucking. About a week and a half after the above incident, she told me that I had the biggest dick of the 5 guys she'd been with. I did the math, and asked '5?' and she broke down and told me that the same monday we went over what happened that first weekend with guy#1, she had plans to meet another guy (guy#2) that evening. They met, went to her place, and fucked. She said no sooner than he had left, guy#1 showed up unannounced, wanting sex. So they fucked too. I asked her how she felt, she said she knew it was bad and dirty to do that, but since she had no emotional attachment to either of them she wasn't going to turn either of them down. She then swore that something like that had never happened when we met, and i told her I believed her. Since then, she has not seen guy#2 anymore, though they chat online and text, but she has no plans to see him.

Last week she had a run in with the ex, and by checking her phone bill and a shared credit card bill, found that he had been contacting one of her best friends and that's where he found out she was having an affair. She was devestated by her friend's betrayal, so I took her out and we had a great date. We spent more time than ever together last week (guy#1 claimed to have lost his phone the previous weekend and couldnt contact her). One night she would say things like she was finished meeting other men online for fucking, then that there were 2 more that she thought she might end up meeting with. I told her that I would not tell her what to do, unlike her ex-husb. That I was not like him, and understood how she didnt want to jump into a relationship right away. She asked me if it bothered me she fucked other guys, I dodged the question and said I wanted her to become a strong woman in touch with her needs, and that I wasn't going anywhere, and would stick with the original arrangement of being special with one another but not bound; to still seek others as we wished. Only that I just had not been as successful at it as she has been thus far.

Monday (2 days ago) she told me she made plans to see another guy on teh day before (sunday), but cancelled them (we had both agreed to help one of her friends move). She said he told her he was looking for more than sex, and she told him it was all she was looking for. She said they'll probably meet again soon. She also said there was another internet guy that wanted to meet this upcoming friday, but that he hinted at wanted something long term too. And, that there was a 3rd guy that she had plans to meet with tonight. He is married, and not looking for anything long term. Since we did not go out, she was home alone. Guy#1 called asking if he could come over. He did and she gave him a blowjob, but then he left.

She also had plans to meet with the guy she had an affair with last night, but I reminded her we had previously made plans for that night, and one of our rules was that we do not cancel plans with each other to go out with someone else. She said she would cancel with him, and I told her if she really wanted to meet with him to go ahead, that I would not tell her what to do, and didnt want to be the bad guy here. She reaffirmed that with others it was just fucking, and with me it was more; and that the others do not think of her as anything more than just a fuck. She also said there may be something more with the 2 guys she plans to meet, but not the married guy. So we went out last night, ended up at my place, and for the first time had anal sex together.

Also last night, she helped me set up an account on the online dating site she uses to meet these guys. She told me I needed to pursue some of the women on there. She also let me see some of the online chats with a couple of guys. She confirmed her plans to meet with the married man during one of the chats.

Today at work she said the married man would probably cancel on her. I told her he wouldnt, based on how excited he sounded during chat last night. Well, I've been here awhile typing all this out, and there's been no phone call or text from her so I assume she's getting her brains fucked out by him.

I'm looking for some advice on how I can keep this going but remain being the guy that's #1 in her heart. She has no idea how intensely this turns me on, or that that is why I press her for details. Any advice, comments, questions, whatever, would be appreciated. I'll update this thread with whatever happens as we go along on this wild ride.

 

[dontcare2share]

Ok she just texted me, asked me "what's up?", I told her watching tv. She said, "ok i'll catch you tomorrow". But she's online at the dating site I just logged into. She made no mention of her "meeting" with the married man. Help! How do I react if she really liked it without letting her know it turns me on and her thinking i'm a freak?

 

[Custer Laststand]

Dontcare2share,

.... She asked me again about going out now that she was free to. She said she wasn't looking for anything serious, but had always liked me a lot and felt a special connection to me. So we met one night and the sparks flew. It was beyond great for me, and she was impressed with me as well. .... Being in a cuckold/swinging lifestyle has always been a huge turn on for me and something I've wanted to do, but never had the opportunity. .... I explored the option with my ex-wife when we were married and she had no interest in it at all. We later divorced and I've been single about 3 years now, with few women interested in me since then and my time very limited with work and the pressures of life, and at the time a sick parent I had to care for. ....

Then everything changed about a month ago. It was my weekend with my child so we couldnt see each other. the following monday, she texts me and says she met with another guy over the weekend.... About a week and a half after the above incident, she told me that I had the biggest dick of the 5 guys she'd been with. ....

Looks to me like you've stumbled into a hot relationship with a woman who likes sex a lot, so much so she is fucking other men regularly despite having an ongoing relationship with you. Clearly, your long-standing fantasy about being a cuckold-in-waiting with a hot woman friend is being fulfilled. (I put it this way because the two of you are not actually married.)

She reaffirmed that with others it was just fucking, and with me it was more; ....

She also affirmed you are "special" by mentioning you have the largest cock of the five men she's fucking. (You don't know for certain that's true, of course, but the important thing is, she told you that.)

.... So we went out last night, ended up at my place, and for the first time had anal sex together.

You have a hot woman on your hands.... her letting you fuck her anally is another way of telling you she considers you "special."

I'm looking for some advice on how I can keep this going but remain being the guy that's #1 in her heart. She has no idea how intensely this turns me on, or that that is why I press her for details. Any advice, comments, questions, whatever, would be appreciated. ....

It sounds to me like you've found a soulmate who has high potential for a hot wife / cuckold husband marriage. I would suggest asking her for her hand in marriage. Before doing so, however, I would suggest asking her to read:

For Women Scandalous Magazine cuckolding, Playgirl, fashion, beauty, health, sex advice for women

and also pointing out the "Scandalous Women" e-zine to her, which should help her appreciate that there are many married women who take lovers, sometimes many lovers, and they — as well as their cuckold husbands — consider it a highly desirable way to live.

For Women Scandalous Magazine cuckolding, Playgirl, fashion, beauty, health, sex advice for women

(These two links are not the same.)

Then, use the article and the e-zine as a lead-in to bring up your need to be a cuckold husband.... and, if she were willing to consider a marriage along those lines, maybe the two of you should begin thinking of a future together....

My guess would be that her response would be positive, because she wants you. (She has been telling you that indirectly, in various ways.) If you are willing to be straightforward and tell her that's the kind of marriage you want and would consider highly desirable, I strongly suspect you'll find she'll agree.*

Best regards—

Custer

* If you put this off too long, you could lose her. She is "shopping vigorously" (in effect), and some of the men who are responding to her are indicating they're looking for long-term relationships. Time is not on your side.

 

[dontcare2share]

Thanks for teh links. I'll get her to check them out when i think she's ready.

I stayed on the dating site for about an hour hoping she would msg me, but she didnt. It then said she was no longer online. 5 mins later, i get a text msg frm her saying she would really like to talk to me. I left home to go to the store for a couple things, and called her on the way. She told me I should come over since I was already out and about.

I arrived there and she was in panties and a nightshirt. I made some small talk and then asked if her married man showed up for her meeting (she had mentioned earlier in the day she thought he would cancel on her). She said he did, but it bothered her that he was married. Also, she said his story changed as to why he was looking for someone else to fuck. I had warned her earlier that I thought this guy was a pro and to be careful. She said he showed up at 8pm and by 830 he was out the door and gone. I asked if they fucked and she said yes. She said he wasnt going to use a condom at first but she told him he had to. He didnt like that, but did anyway. She said it lasted maybe 5-10 mins then he was done; he was not that big in the pants either. She said he wanted to set up another meeting with her, but she didnt think that she wanted to see him again.

The whole time she's telling me this, we're sitting on the couch, and she's rubbing my leg. She asked if it bothered me that she fucked other guys, and I told her that I thought I had 2 choices: either i asked her to date me exclusively (which she interrupted me and said she wouldnt at this time) which would mean then she would have to cheat on me and start lying about everything, or we could keep it this way and keep everything open. She asked if I'd found anyone on the dating site, i said not yet. She said she has plans to meet another guy from the internet Friday night at a bar (I have my child this weekend, so basically she has the whole weekend to go play around).

She said it was late and that I should go so we both could get some sleep. I stood up, told her I didnt come over here just to talk then leave, and started taking off my clothes. We fucked about 30 or 40 minutes. When finished she told me that she needed me to come over and finish her off, because nobody else can treat her the way I do. I told her I was just happy I got the call and not guy#1. She said she never calls guy#1 for sex, he calls her. I told her this was great for me but she'd soon find someone with a bigger tool than me and then She'd cast me aside. She said that was not true, even if she did find one bigger, she still wanted to see me.

That is the first time I've had "sloppy seconds" and it was a major turn on, though more mentally than anything. Her pussy felt great just like it always does when we're together. That's now the 2nd time that she's fucked 2 guys in the same night.

 

[Custer Laststand]

There's an apparent danger (real danger) she & you need to concern yourselves with.

Dontcare2share,

Thanks for the links. I'll get her to check them out when i think she's ready.

You're welcome. Regarding one of your comments in your initial post:

.... Plus, her ex had been following her and she could only meet [me] when he was away on business.

This doesn't sound good — it sounds, in fact, like your woman friend may be (read, is) physically in danger. I would suggest talking with her about this and pointing out that possessive, jealous ex-husbands who follow their former wives (this, of course, is called "stalking") often have evil intent. I suggest, in fact, advising her to seek a court order under which he would not be allowed to get any closer to her than some specified distance that's reasonably large (say, 100 yards or more). Also, it's well known that such men are often not deterred by court orders, so I also suggest advising her to always have some means of protection readily available — e.g., a small can of pepper spray or mace in her purse.

If her ex-husband owns one or more guns, including a hand gun, that raises the threat to a whole new level. I definitely advise you to ask her about that. It's important for you to know what kinds of weapons he owns, or may be likely to obtain, for your own safety.

While having a court order requiring her ex-husband to "keep his distance" may not protect your woman friend if he's irrational (and it sounds like he may be), it should have the effect of immediately identifying him as the most likely suspect if she's assaulted. That's important, because otherwise the police may identify one of her lovers — you, for example — as the most likely suspect. This is particularly possible if her ex-husband tries to set up an assault in a way that makes it look that way.

An important point to keep in mind, I would say, is that once the police identify "someone" (you, for instance) as the most likely suspect in the event your woman friend becomes the victim of a homicide, and ask you "if you would mind answering a few questions," *you* could easily find yourself sucked into the judicial system — and you could end up in prison for a long time, possibly for the rest of your life You could even, I suggest, end up on death row if you live in a "death penalty" state.

I strongly advise you to try hard to make sure neither of those unfortunate potential developments occurs. To do so, you will need to make sure your woman friend adequately understands that she is in danger, and needs to take action to protect herself.

Sorry if this sounds like a downer, but given the nature of your woman friend's ex-husband, it's important for both her and you to think in terms of possible future developments.

—Custer

 

[dontcare2share]

i talked about this with her even when she was married. Luckily he seems very willing now to cut all ties to her. Part of it was her fault because she kept leading him on when he got back in town, letting him stay with her. She does not do that now, and he hasn't been a problem since she found out he was getting all her activity info from one of her best friends. She no longer has anything to do with that friend. She herself believes that he may be having an affair with her (she is married). Trust me it's been a concern from the beginning but it seems to be that he's finally moved on.

 

[dontcare2share]

Last night we went out and I discussed the possibility of her ex putting her and me or whoever she might be with in danger (i told her i had talked it over with a friend and he recommended I talk about it with her), she said she would be on the lookout for him. He's back in town for the next few days and I have my child this weekend, so we made plans to meet again next wednesday when he's gone. Meanwhile, she has plans to meet another internet guy sat night so they'll probably fuck. Plus whoever she meets when just going out with her friends. Her number could go up by 2 or 3 by the time we meet again.

We ended up back at her place and fucked. I finished by cumming in her mouth (another first for us). She said she has to be careful with me because she could see herself in a long term relationship with me. I told her that I could me with her. She said she wasnt ready for that yet, but asked when i might be. I joked and said when I catch up with her, she said I would need to be with 5 other women then.

I told her I'd bought her a pair of black high heels to go with all the sexy lingerie we had bought sat night on our date. I actually took pics of her in it but she didnt like the fact she had no shoes that went with it. She was thrilled. When taking those pics, she said she would discreetly send them to me via phone msgs, but I've yet to receive one. I'm not stupid though, I know she's probably sent them to other men she chats with on the internet. It's going to be a long weekend.

 

[N o n e]

Wow.......

sounds like you have a sexy minx on your hands. Would love to see the pics of her that you took. Thanks for sharing and continue to keep us informed.

Listen to Custard, he is always one for giving great advice on here.

 

[dontcare2share]

as soon as i receive any from her, i will.

 

[dontcare2share]

this is the only pic i have of her, she sent it a while back. it is not from the photo session we had last saturday.

talked to her today, she stayed in last night, no dates or meetings with anyone new or that she's been with.

 

[dontcare2share]

well, the guy she was supposed to meet, he told her to meet at a different bar at the last second, so we were texting and she got her texts confused, sending me his, he might not make it, then all of a sudden, no responses from her, I think they met after all , hoping they did

 

[Custer Laststand]

Queston....

Dontcare2share,

BTW, what is the relationship between these comments at the end of your initial post:

.... Well, I've been here awhile typing all this out, and there's been no phone call or text from her so I assume she's getting her brains fucked out by him.

I'm looking for some advice on how I can keep this going but remain being the guy that's #1 in her heart. She has no idea how intensely this [my woman friend fucking other men] turns me on, or that that is why I press her for details. Any advice, comments, questions, whatever, would be appreciated. I'll update this thread with whatever happens as we go along on this wild ride.

which clearly say you find it hot that your woman friend is fucking other men, and your screen name "Dontcare2share," which clearly implies you want sexual exclusivity with a woman... —?

—Custer

 

[dontcare2share]

I'm not sure I follow you. I don't mind sharing her with others.

 

[dontcare2share]

Well, she texted today and said they did not meet, he asked her to go to a 2nd bar with intent to meet her there, but he couldnt get a ride there. She boldly asked if he just wanted to meet at her place, but she didnt hear back from him.

 

[Custer Laststand]

Well, to put it differently....

Dontcare2share,

I'm not sure I follow you. I don't mind sharing her with others.

Yes, that's certainly what your thread indicates. But with regards to your screen name, it suggests: " don't care to share [my woman friend or wife with other men]," or equivalently, "I don't want to share my woman friend or wife with other men."

Evidently that isn't the right interpretation, so maybe you could set me straight...—?

—Custer

 

[dontcare2share]

I don't care/mind [it doesn't bother me] to share my woman friend with other men.

chatted with her briefly tonight. she did not tell me anything new happened, but i suspect it did from her my space status msg. if not, this would mean she's been without sex for 3 days, which for her is an eternity.

 

[Custer Laststand]

Dontcare,

I don't care/mind [it doesn't bother me] to share my woman friend with other men.

OK, thanks for the clarification.

.... if not, this would mean she's been without sex for 3 days, which for her is an eternity.

If you woman friend finds it "an eternity" to go without sex for 3 days, that's very positive.

—Custer

 

[dontcare2share]

a completely unexpected surprise

Well, she shows up at work today a little late, and very basic clothes and make up. She tells me right after we got done talking online last night, the guy she cheated on the ex-husb with called her and wanted her to come over and spend the night. Naturally, she did. This did concern me some, as she once admitted previously as to having some feelings for him. We talked tonight and she reassured me there is nothing more there with him. She said he calls just to get her to come over and get off, and then he ignores her for 6 weeks. She went just to have sex. I knew she couldnt go 3 days without it.

She was talking to other guys last night on the website at the same time she was chatting with me. We talked tonight, i told her that there was another woman that was wanting to go out with me this week from the website, but the night that was best for her, I had already made plans with my woman friend (we'll call her LeeAnn, since this is probably getting complicated to follow). Anyway, LeeAnn (my woman friend) and I had plans already one night this week. LeeAnn told me if i needed to cancel to go out with the new woman from the website, I could. I told her my schedule is quite hectic this week and i may need to devote time to work and to family business but if it worked out to meet the new girl, we'd reschedule.

LeeAnn then admitted that she had made plans with a guy last friday to meet to fuck. He msgd her on the website and asked her to come to his apt (about an hour drive from her) and that she was going to go, but she had locked her keys in her car when she got home from work, so she had to cancel on him. I told her that I thought that was very dangerous to do since she did not know this guy and only chatted with him that day. She agreed and said she would be more careful in the future. SHe msgd him last night, but would not answer her.

There's another guy wanting to go out with her, but he tells her he is only interested in long term relationship with her, and exclusivity. She continues to chat with him, but tells him she does not want these things. She's already cancelled one date/meeting with him because she thought he didn't understand that yet.

She said she also chatted with the married man that she fucked last wednesday for the first time since he left her place. He asked her about her fantasies, she said she wanted to know his first. He said he wanted 2 girls at one time. She said she wouldn't do that. He then said the next biggest fantasy would be to watch a couple fucking.

She then bluntly asked me if I would do that with her. I reminded her she said last week she didnt want to see this guy anymore. LeeAnn said she still didnt want to fuck him (she said he was small dicked and came way too quick), but that if i would go along with it, she'd let him watch her, but he could not be a part of it, and she would not touch him.

I spent the next 20 minutes trying to make it appear that i had several reservations about doing it before finally agreeing to it. She said she loves the fact that i'm willing to explore things with her (we shaved each other's privates the night we had our date and I took pics of her. she said 'not many men are willing to do that, my ex-husband never would do this). I asked a hundred times if she was serious about this, and after 3 or 4 she would say she was just playing. I would tell her 'no, i don't think you are', and we would end up talking about it again. I told her I would do it, inly because it would make her happy. She said he probably won't do anything with her because he would probably be intimidated by my size, both physically and sexually.

She said she would try to contact him and tell him that she had someone lined up that would fuck her and let him watch, and explain the stipulations of the meeting (no participation other than jacking off on his part) but she didnt know when this could take place. I told her to go ahead, we could plan as necessary.

She said that there was a college professor from about an hour and a half away that was wanting to meet her, but she hadn't set anything up yet. Also, she was going out of town with a friend on friday night but they would be back saturday morning (staying at friend's mom's house). Her friend is supposed to meet someone, but not for sex. She told me she is not meeting anyone on this trip. We still have our plans to meet and spend the night on this saturday night.

We talked about the married man watching us again. She likened it to being in our own live porno, which she admitted turned her on. I asked if, hypothetically, the married man found a guy that wanted to fuck her, and he would only watch, would she do it with the guy he picked out. LeeAnn said she would not. That she wanted to pick the guy out, and she chose me.

I told her, if we can do this, you are going to owe me big time. She playfully said 'Uh-Oh!', but did not object.

I think we've crossed into a new level in our relationship together. I only hope to remain the only guy that she has actual feelings for. She says the rest are just only a sexual attraction.

 

[Custer Laststand]

Your responses to LeeAnn are good & appropriate. She's giving you the message....

Dontcare,

Anyway, LeeAnn (my woman friend) and I had plans already one night this week. LeeAnn told me if i needed to cancel to go out with the new woman from the website, I could.

That's a good sign re. LeeAnn's self confidence. Very positive.

.... She then bluntly asked me if I would do that with her [i.e., fuck her while the married guy watched]. .... I spent the next 20 minutes trying to make it appear that I had several reservations before finally agreeing to it.

Very good. A guy has to make clear he has his standards. Certainly, you wouldn't want LeeAnn to get the wrong impression and think you're "easy."

.... She said she loves the fact that i'm willing to explore things with her ....

Excellent. That's a very positive message.

.... She said she would try to contact him and tell him that she had someone lined up that would fuck her and let him watch, and explain the stipulations of the meeting (no participation other than jacking off on his part). She didn't know when this could take place. I told her to go ahead, we could plan as necessary.

Good response. LeeAnne told you what she wants, and you agreed to give it to her. Her esteem for you is rising....

She said that there was a college professor from about an hour and a half away that was wanting to meet her, but she hadn't set anything up yet.

This one could involve some risk for you, since if he is strongly attracted to LeeAnn and LeeAnn likes him a lot, he might offer her the prospect of long-term economic support and at least moderately high social status, while at the same time offering her freedom to do whatever she likes sexually. On the other hand, maybe he will be "risk free" from your point of view.

.... LeeAnn said she would not [i.e., "do it" with some guy the married guy picked out]. That she wanted to pick the guy out, and she chose me.

That's another very positive message, on both counts.

I told her, if we can do this, you are going to owe me big time. She playfully said 'Uh-Oh!', but did not object.

Hm.... you might begin thinking about what you will ask of her (if you aren't already....).

I think we've crossed into a new level in our relationship together.

Yes, I think so.

I only hope to remain the one guy she has actual feelings for. She says the rest are only sexual attractions.

Well, you might keep in mind the suggestion I passed along after your initial post re. the action you could take that would guarantee you continuity in that position — at least, to the extent it's possible to have guarantees. LeeAnn is continuing to tell you, in ways that are harder and harder to miss, she wants you for the long term. You might also keep in mind, as I mentioned, that time is not on your side.

—Custer

 

[dontcare2share]

frustrated

at work today she brought up the possibilities of something long term, but when we went out her friend and frien's bf were with us. absolutely no alone time so nothing was discussed, i told her we needed time alone very soon before i left.

she told me at work that thinking about being watched while being with me had her turned on all day, and she was going to contact married man to ask if he would join with us.