Becoming acquainted with a potential lover will need some time and effort....
Firebird,
Firebird said:
Well, the interested young man got a little freaked out by whole thing and has backed off. Nothing happened the other night. She talked him into meeting for drinks the following night to talk about it, but as I suspected he stood her up.
Given that your wife's prospective lover is a black man who has recently been hired, my guess would be he's uneasy about the idea of initiating an affair with a white married woman at his place of employment (as such places are called).... particularly if his employers are mostly or entirely white men. This, of course, would be in part because of the traditionally "forbidden nature" of black/white sex. It may also be because, if he is fired for "screwing around" with your wife, he may find it difficult (perhaps very difficult) to find another job. As you know, the U.S. is in a recession (despite the efforts of the W. administration to deny that). Unemployment is high, and many (if not most) companies are very cautious about taking on financial commitments to new employees. He may, in other words, feel he was quite fortunate to have found a job and be reluctant to do something, right off the bat, that could put it at risk.
Firebird said:
She says he still looks at her with that hungry look, so maybe given some time she will break him.
Cool. "Break him," you say.... I like that. If you wife feels that way, she has the right attitude. It's important for her to not feel "rejected," but rather realize his apparent reluctance may be (read, is probably) because of concern with factors like the above. I suggest she keep "giving him the message," then sometime, when the time is right, it will probably happen. But it may take some time. Also, it may make a big difference if you find a way to let him know you have "given your wife permission" (so to speak), so he'll know you aren't likely to come after him with a shotgun or something. But you and your wife should agree on the best way for you to do that — i.e., don't do it on your own, without her knowledge.
Firebird said:
I have another guy lined up who has no problem with all of it and can't wait to have her. But, now she is feeling insecure about the rejection and won't meet the new one.
If "the other guy" is someone she doesn't work with, that sounds more promising. In particular, if you have "lined him up" it would seem he should have no doubts as to whether you are OK with all this. Re. your wife coping with her fears of rejection.... you might mention to her that us guys get rejected by women (or they respond in ways we might interpret as rejection) all the time. It's necessary to have something of a thick skin, and just move on (or keep trying). Some of the guys she's interested in might click; others might not. That's just the way it is.
I would also suggest making it possible for your wife to communicate with this guy without actually meeting him. I.e., suggest he send her an e-mail message, and encourage her to respond. If she becomes comfortable communicating with him by e-mail, suggest (to him) that he call her... or she could suggest that to him... and if she feels comfortable with one or more phone conversations, she could then move on to meeting him for a cup of coffee, or lunch, or something. Then... well, you know... one thing leads to another.
—Custer
