looking for help, friends and advice

[glenandhelen]

hi every one and thanks for the help Custer.

its been some time since i posted an up date on whats been going on. last week me and helen had a good long talk over things that i started. to cut a long storie short i have said that i love her lots and i want to spend the rest of my life with her but that i have no intrest in sex at all any more, her reaction cuaght me by surprise alot as she seemed very relived, glad and like a wight had been lifted. i feel glad about her reaction but i dont understand it. help?

i have also talked to her about if shes thinking of seeing some one and shes said she has been flirting with 2 men (one from work and one at a bar she now goes to) and that shes seeing where it goes.

we then moved on to what she thinks of me and she feels that she dose not want to lose the house formost (we are 2 3rds the way though a mortgage). she says she still loves me but more like a close friend now. is this good?

i have also taken the lead around the house as far as house work is concerned and she is also happy about that.

i have sent emails to her regaurding the links Custer has advised but shes not said any thing about them...yet.

shes gone out with her friends tonight and said shes staying at one of theres so i dont know what that means either.

thats about all to my update at this time. i am thinking of asking her if she would like me to stay at her mothers (as we get on) if she needed any more space for a night her and there. (also thinking about maybe talking to her mother about it some how).

i could really do with more advice and few friends now. thanks every one.

 

[Jaxunman]

Glen, I am sorry I do not share Custer's enthusiasm at your current situation. Your wife has stated her case several times. It all comes back to her feeling about you as a good friend and no longer as a husband. Her mentioning not losing the 2/3rds paid for home is evidence she is thinking like a woman who is already on her own. Note that she mentions a primary need, shelter, and not sex, when asked her view of things.

You two are living together as room mates, not husband and wife. As has been stated earlier a couple of times in this thread, when a woman states the need for space, it is most often a case that she has made up her mind to replacea relationship rather than repair it. It is a stance designed to buy herself time and string along the current relationship until the time it optimum to make the move.

Notice in other posts here how the successful relationships ( be it cuckold, hotwife, shared wife) are almost all based on strong marriages first. Your wife is no longer thinking like a married woman. Cuckoldry will not fix your issue. When your wife, and whomever the lucky new man is, want to take their relationship to a more serious level, neither of them is going to feel completely comfortable having a constant reminder of a failed relationship ( you) always around. You are asking a woman, who no longer wants you in a romantic way, to limit her future potential for true happiness with another simply so you can keep close to her.

While you may have some success short term, especially while she weeds out the toads to find Mr. Right. I think it much more likely you will eventually need to embrace the horror and tell her goodbye.

 

[Custer Laststand]

GlenandHelen,

Hi everyone and thanks for the help Custer.

You're welcome.

Last week Helen and I had a good long talk over things, which I started. I said I love her and I want to spend the rest of my life with her, but I have no interest in sex anymore. Her reaction surprised me; she seemed relieved, glad and like a weight had been lifted [from her shoulders]. I feel glad about her reaction but I dont understand it.

It sounds like Helen doesn't want to have sex with you anymore either, but she wants to fuck other men, or alternatively, she doesn't want to have sex with anyone anymore, including you.

I also talked with her about whether she's thinking of seeing another man. She said she's been flirting with 2 men, one at work and one at a bar she now goes to, and she will see where it goes.

So, your situation is "(a)." Helen wants to fuck other men, but she doesn't want to fuck you anymore, and she's looking...

We then moved on to what she thinks of me. She feels, foremost, she does not want to lose the house. (We are 2/3rds though paying our mortgage.)

That sounds like a fairly direct statement that your wife is primarily in love with her (and your) house. Incidentally, you can substantially decrease the time to mortgage payoff by paying a relatively small amount (say, ~$100 to $300, the more the better) each month, above and beyond the required monthly payment, to be applied to the principal. (Probably you know that.)

She says she still loves me, but more like a close friend now. Is this good?

Depends on your definition of "good." If you feel friendly toward each other and want to continue living together (as opposed to living alone), and if continuing to make joint mortgage payments will enable you to continue living in your house — as opposed to separating, having to sell your house, then each of you having to start over again in smaller houses — then living together as "roommates," in essence, might be a good way to go.

I have also taken the lead with housework, and Helen is happy about that.

Good. Supporting your wife in her search for lovers is an important aspect of becoming a successful cuckold, and doing the housework is almost certainly the most important aspect of providing her with support because it will enable her to have adequate time and energy for dating and fucking other men. As time passes and you become more accustomed, skilled and efficient at doing the housework, you can gradually expand the amount you do and also expand into cooking. (If your wife prefers to cook dinners, perhaps because she's a better cook, you should make sure to always clean up the kitchen and take out the garbage after dinners.)

I have sent emails to her regarding the links Custer has suggested, but she's not said any thing about them... yet.

Offhand, I can't recall what links I've passed along. I'll go back and look, and maybe pass along some more.

Helen has gone out with her friends tonight; she said she's staying at one of [their home's?]. I don't know what that means.

Your wife probably meant what she said. You can ask her about it in more detail (in an interested, conversational way without seeming pushy) when she returns... tomorrow morning, it sounds like.

That's my update. I'm thinking of asking my wife if she would like me to stay at her mother's home when she needs more space overnight at our place, after she begins taking lovers. I'm thinking about how to talk with her mother about this possibility.

The preceding seemed somewhat unclear; I hope the edited version is what you meant. Anyway, I think you're on the right track with this. I suggest not confessing to your mother-in-law (MIL) that your wife has made you her cuckold until Helen actually takes a lover. I.e., either you're a cuckold or you aren't. Then, I suggest there's a good chance it will improve your marriage and your relationship with your MIL as well if you bring her into the loop by "confessing" you're taking this (from her point of view) unusual step to increase Helen's sexual satisfaction, and you hope she'll be willing to consider helping both of you out in this way occasionally.

I suspect, for reasons I find hard to articulate, that it will bring your wife and her mother closer together if your wife tells her mother she has taken a lover (or two), and explains why, then talks with her mother more-or-less frequently about her experiences with her lovers and with you. It will become a secret they'll share... I guess that's why I think it will increase their closeness. Also, I suspect it will bring you and your MIL closer together as you talk with her more about all the "woman-like" things you're doing around your house in support of Helen's sexual escapades.

I hope this helps. Please keep us updated.

—Custer

 

[Susan's Slave]

I agree more with Jaxunman that Custer on this one. It does sound like she has left you emotionally if not physically. Rather than give up, I suggest finding a counselor that will help you both communicate your desires to each other. A marriage that has allowed you to pay of two thirds of a house is probably one of long standing and certainly worth saving.

As to telling your mother-in-law, absolutely not! The intimate details of your relationship are between the two of you and certainly no business of hers. All it will do is make the relationships between all of you strained, and that includes between mother and daughter.

As Jax stated about, this is a lifestyle for people with strong relationships. Yours is not. Fix it first, and then if you still want to play go slow. Best wishes!

 

[rural]

Do not tell anything to the mother-in-law!

I hope it does not end in a divorce. If your wife treats you like a close friend, then treat her like one.

Who knows, she may sleep with other men and will come to appreciate all you have done for her.

 

[BIGBRIinCA]

Is it common for a distant wife to initiate the cuckolding lifestyle, and then leave her husband completely for her bull?

 

[Custer Laststand]

Mother-in-law question...

GlenandHelen,

Regarding Susan's Slave's comment:

.... As to telling your mother-in-law, absolutely not! The intimate details of your relationship are between the two of you and certainly no business of hers. All it will do is make the relationships between all of you strained, and that includes between mother and daughter. ....

and others who have said the same thing: The desirability (or lack thereof) of informing your mother-in-law about the nature of your relationship with your wife, involving her taking lovers, depends... I would say... on how close your mother-in-law lives and how often she and your wife visit with each other. If the answers are "close" and "frequently," there's a strong chance your MIL already knows of your wife's intention to cuckold you or actual cuckolding of you, as the case may be. I say this because daughters tend to be much closer to their mothers than sons to their fathers.

Thus, if Helen and her mother are close and visit with each other frequently, a reasonable way to approach this question (IMO) would be to talk with Helen about whether she has familiarized her mother with your "cuckold husband / hotwife" style of marriage and, if she has, to what extent. It wouldn't be at all surprising if your MIL supports your wife in her cuckolding of you, especially if she herself was sexually frustrated with her husband (your wife's father).

If Helen and her mother live far apart, seldom talk by phone (apparently), and don't seem particularly close to each other, then your MIL may not be aware your wife intends to cuckold you or is doing so. If this is the case, I suggest you will also be best off to talk with Helen about the desirability of informing her mother of your marital situation. If you and Helen decide it will be best to inform her, it will probably be best and most appropriate for Helen (not you) to talk with your MIL about this.

—Custer

 

[glenandhelen]

hello all. update time. things have been up and down for a bit now but helen has now been with 2 diffrent guys but she now has a few confidance issues as shes big and if i am honest not great looking. so we are looking for advice on what type of guys to look for now for her.

myself i am in the guest room and feel loads better for giving her space.

 

[mimi27406]

You have received a lot of good advice.

[quote="glenandhelen, post: 193285"]hello. thanks for reading my post here.

i am looking for help friends and advice as our marrige has really broken down.

we have been together for ten years now and its gotten to the stage where she still loves me but more like a friend. we dont have sex any more (despite her having a high sex drive) becose being blunt i have never been great in that department and she say i just dont do it for her any more (i have a low sex drive and if honest could live with out sex). she is no longer attracted to me. we now also sleep in diffrent rooms as she feels she needs space.

i dont want to not be part of her life and i also accept that she is looking else where at the moment (i feel fine with that)

what can i do to make her happy and maybe if it comes to it help her have a happy home life with a new partner?[/QUOTE]

Every situation is different, I suggest you go off by your self and ask do you really want to continue this arrangment. What is in it for you? This is a question only you can answer. From your comments here and there it seems you do not really desire sex from her? What do you desire from her? What does she desire from you?

Glen do you prefer women? Men? Are you comfortable with her sleeping with other men?

 

[glenandhelen]

thanks Joey. as it goes i am suffering from a rear form of anemia that cuases me to be very low on energy and also very layed back. yes i get blood transfeisions but it dose not help much and i am also out of work due to it so helen has to do every thing and i belive she should be happy and rewarded.

for me all i want is for helen to be happy and i am very fine with her sleeping with other men but i would prefer it if it was some one who can be a partner to her to and not just one night stands.

i am very open to the idea of some one moving in and would even like that at some stage.

our (or my) main problem now is two things 1 what sort of man to look for (as like i have said helen is a big girl and alot dont think she looks great) and 2 how to make a new man in helens life feel at ease with me.

 

[glenandhelen]

thanks Mimi.

i see myself as bi but i am very happy with helen and love her a great deal i just dont feel i want sex with any one at all. its not some thing thats on my mind. in alot of ways it would be a relife to me if helen had a boyfriend.