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lifestyles...

  • Thread starterblkdepositbox
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blkdepositbox

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Mar 10, 2009
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I will be the first to admit that I am not AS into this as my husband. I would just like to put out my way of thinking and get other opinions rather than just my husband!

So what defines a "lifestyle"? My husband and I have been exploring this for about three years now. In the beginning, I could not understand why my husband would WANT to see me with other guys...I was completely against it. Since then, we have grown in our relationship and I am BEGINNING to understand the thrill...but not totally yet. I have been with about 5 black guys with my husband right there and I will admit, there is a thrill. The sex between my husband and I afterwards could not be better! For me, it is not actually being with another person that does it for me...it is the reaction that my husband has. However, for the last three years I have been with one guy in particular with AND without my husband (no cheating, husband knows about EVERY time). I have been with this person about 8 or 9 times in the three years...the most recent was in December when I was pregnant and due any day. So what defines a lifestyle? Is it our lifestyle? Does it have to be an everyweekend thing to be a lifestyle? Another thing is...that I am not always into it. It turns me on sometimes and othertimes I dont even want to talk about it. Can anyone explain that for me? Needless to say...I dont want to play games with my husband and he gets so confused when sometimes I am ok with fucking other guys and other times it bothers me. To be honest, I am confused too...any opinions would be helpful! Maybe I need to go see Dr. Phil...LOL
 
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Sounds normal to me. Your probably more active then most wives. My wife plays when our schedules allow and like yourself she sees one guy semi regular the rest are a few times or one time events. Our sex is better too afterwards...smile.

andy
 
thoughtful places

Don't be discouraged. This is probably not the most "thoughtful" place for a real-life question like yours. Sounds like you're really centered most of the time, and the fetish aspects of the
various "lifestyles" are not as powerful for you as they are for some of us. Good luck with the baby....
 
blkdepositbox said:
I will be the first to admit that I am not AS into this as my husband. I would just like to put out my way of thinking and get other opinions rather than just my husband!.... The sex between my husband and I afterwards could not be better! For me, it is not actually being with another person that does it for me...it is the reaction that my husband has..... However, for the last three years I have been with one guy in particular with AND without my husband (no cheating, husband knows about EVERY time). I have been with this person about 8 or 9 times in the three years...the most recent was in December when I was pregnant and due any day....LOL
Click to expand...

U sound pretty levelheaded to me. I would not make to much of it. But how do u feel about this one guy u have been with so much? I am also wondering how u feel about being with another man while u r carrying another man's child. Or even being with anyone when u r do any day. I ask this cuz a lot of women do not feel attractive when they r pregnant and a lot of men do not want to be with a pregnant woman that far along for a bunch of different reasons.
 
I think your comments reflect my feelings as well. What really turns me on is how my husband is reacting. I could care less about the other guy. Maybe if they werent such frauds..
 
continued

Good Topic, so I'll further voice my opinions. Not knowing you background and religious beliefs I'll share our conflict. We were both raised Catholic, so we have the pre-disposition of guilt and the view that sex is bad....LOL
I've gotten over it and for the most part so has the wife, but I know she still wrestles with it on occassion, perhaps this is one of your underlying reasons to be conflicted. I view it as we're all consenting adults and as long as we are not hurting anyone or performing and illegal act, which we may be is certain states, just enjoy it!
If you doubt it or are so conflicted about the acts you are participating in you really should discuss it with your husband. For us, historically, not talking about issues, regardless of how minimal, can only lead to resentment and future, more substantial conflict. Your husband may not agree, but at least he'll know your stance and feelings. And unless your husband is completely dense he's probably pick up on your unhappiness or less than exhuberant view on extra-marital activities.
 
Thank you for the replies...I will address some issues.

I have no feelings for the guy I see repeatedly...it just so happens that I feel comfortable with him, he knows our situation, what is ok and what is not, and he is convenient...lol. He is there when I call on him and gone when we are done. It is just easy. As far as doing it when I was pregnant, my husband made me NEVER doubt how amazing I looked pregnant...so my confidence I had I owe all to him!

It is funny that you mention the Catholic thing, I too grew up Catholic. I dont know if I could say that has anything to do with the way I feel, but maybe it is a sub-concious thing?

All I know is that I struggle with what seems to be this love/hate relationship with this topic. Sometimes I want it so bad and then others I just want it all to go away...
 
???

"Alexis" gets all those posts...(16 pages worth) and I can't get anything...my questions are real too! Oh well...my husband told me that nobody really likes to respond...they just want to get off for the most part.

Thanks to you who have responded!
 
i too live in albany..if you want another..steady black lover contact me
 
This is my response. I think at times we engage in behavior for our mates to satisfy a fetish or fantasy that we deeply donot share. I personally wouldn't want my woman to be with another man, but may fulfill a fantasy or two to keep our sex lives from being mundane. I think that what you are going through may be a conflict there. Sex is not so black and white (no pun intended). We exchange energy with one another as well as bodily fluids. That energy remains, regardless of emotional attachment and there is an attachment.
 
It appears that you really enjoy the lifetyle but have thoughts about how wrong it is. As long as you enjoy yourself when you do get involved there is not a problem. Keep enjoying yourself. When it get to the point where it's not enjoyable move on down the line. Good luck and you have a lucky husband and a very lucky sex partner. Good Luck!
 
Hiya blk
You pretty much sum up the way I feel too. I seem to do it alil bit more often but not every weekend or even close Sometimes I want it so bad and it does feel so good but
most of the time I just prefer my lil family life.
Anniee
 
Well, I don't see aproblem. You seem to be happy in the marriage,same with hubby.You don't have to have a side thing going if you don't really want too,Hey if its once a year or two.If its cool with you, should be cool with the hubby.
 
motorcitypaul said:
Well, I don't see aproblem. You seem to be happy in the marriage,same with hubby.You don't have to have a side thing going if you don't really want too,Hey if its once a year or two.If its cool with you, should be cool with the hubby.
Click to expand...

Please read back over the posts. A post as been dragged up that was started six years. For what purpose? Why? What do we gain by it?
i
 
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