I've got some questions...

[jillian brown]

Thanks guys. I appreciate everyone who's taken time to respond or pm me. She still thinks her affair's a secret, but I found her stash of e-mails she'd left in the file cabinet drawer she keeps her purse in. There was also some lingerie in there. One of the e-mails said something about fisting (i didn't even know you could do that, why would u want too?? owww) Another email talked about doing it in the workout room, and how he liked looking at her face in the mirror when he "put it to her ass the first time" Do most white women let black guys do whatever they want?
ty
Jil

 

[jillian brown]

This whole deal seems like a nightmare to me. I'm sorry if i keep going on about it, but i'm pretty freaked over it.
jil

 

[BlackDomLdog]

As a one-time divorcee...I've experienced this

jillian brown said:
Thanks guys. I appreciate everyone who's taken time to respond or pm me. She still thinks her affair's a secret, but I found her stash of e-mails she'd left in the file cabinet drawer she keeps her purse in. There was also some lingerie in there. One of the e-mails said something about fisting (i didn't even know you could do that, why would u want too?? owww) Another email talked about doing it in the workout room, and how he liked looking at her face in the mirror when he "put it to her ass the first time" Do most white women let black guys do whatever they want?
ty
Jil

Jillian, you said the magic word...MOST will let black men do whatever they want. The belief in some myths can fuel those desires, or ruin a marriage.

In my case, I am the reverse of this...I am a black man, who was married to a sexy white woman. What ended my marriage was the fact that she believed the negative aspects of the black myths. She went back to fucking white men...even when she was pregnant with my son.

Now she and a jealous ex-girlfriend are ganging up on me to get me put in prison for failure to support my kids. (This is another topic, but fair warning to deadbeat dads - if you make the kids, you BETTER support them.)

I may be pushing the issue, but tell her hubby, instead of keeping it in. In my experience, if you know about the affair...eventually HE will. (In my case, I learned about the affair during the mariage counseling, and THAT didn't save my marriage.)

I'm re-married, but my jealous ex-girlfriend hated the fact she couldn't control me. (BTW...she's also white.) She used my daughter against me, and pushed me out of her life. (Again, separate issue.)

Staying on the main topic...it will be best to tell him, whether or not it ruins the marriage. Not telling him will eat at your conscience.

 

[ilikewhat1c2]

Daddy's Girl ---I don't want to sound like a wet blanket, but some of the comments regarding the mystical transformation that takes place when a woman has sex with a black man comes from a predisposition on that person's part. Whether black, white, or whatever, penis size comes in all shapes and sizes in all of the ethic groups. Additionally, the vagina is adjustable...unreal huh...but yes it will shrink and enlarge to envelope the penetrating member. So when I hear comments about once you go black, la,la,la, I realize there is more to the person's mind set when reenforing this old clique'. Having said that...what ever trip's your trigger! LOL

 

[hack1]

Question

When the sex got hotter and the relationship grew...did you take greater risks like unprotected sex and no birth control? Did you want to get her pregnant?


I was that guy. The MBM with the MWF in a discreet relationship, yep that was me. I say relationship because it grew into more than just sex. From the start we agreed that taking care of our home life was more important than the affair. It started with a bunch of rules to protect us from getting too close. Well, after a few meetings everything went out the window. The attraction and passion became so intense that we became bolder and met more openly. After a few overnighters here and there we were truly sprung. It was almost two years when we had a heart to heart talk and agreed to end it. We could no longer contain the relationship in the confines of secrecy. It wanted to flourish. Our homelife was deteriorating due to lack of interest, desire, and presence. For our children's sake we ended it. There were tears but we both knew our families would truly suffer if we continued. So we decided to quit while ahead.

Not sure if this is the road your friend is on but I can tell you the desire can be overwhelming when you are with the right person. What you perceive as highly risk she has already justified in her head. I know, I had the blinders on for so long. When I look back I think it was obvious that we were both cheating but I think that is because I am an observer of people.[/QUOTE]

 

[pimpology101]

Really not about ego at all but rather an issue of trust. If you give your lady the freedom to have a sex partner other than yourself within certain set perameters and she abuses this "privilege" then she's obviously not a person who considers your feelings or can be trusted. Such a person is selfish, lacks basic respect for her man and is seriously lacking in self-discipline. Any woman that would risk her familial relationship for mere dick is a woman I want nothing to do with and would likely not be involved with such a woman to begin with. Now if you do not have your husband's tacit permission to have a lover or lovers and just cheat for the sake of cheating, that's even worse. That's just a low-life gutter slut and the man is better off without her anyway. Much like he is with the woman in scenario #1 also!

 

[Ilovesexou812]

really?

I think the answer is "yes"since most men have fragile egos and finding out you are cheating on him is more than he can handle. That is why I caution women who want to have affairs to carefully consider what they could loose. Sometimes if you are looking to spice up your sex life, playing some sex games with hubby is a much safer choice. That said, I admit that I was out looking to take risks, to experience having an affair, and to take a black lover. But I also admit that I took way to many risks and regret some of my decisions now.
QUOTE]
Really? It would be the man’s “fragile ego” that would lead him to divorce his cheating wife?

The one thing I love about this site is how it plays into stereotypes and fantasyland. I also just love the fact we have a number of women openly cheating or thinking of cheating on their husbands. They take the attitude of “oh well, this is my desire and wants, deal with it husband.” They get all the pleasure and take very little of the emotional pain.

Now let me ask the ladies this question. How would you react to your husband out screwing another woman? You find out and he says “oh honey, you just don’t do it for me anymore. While I love you I just can’t take the fact your tits are not as big as these other women. It was a risk I had to take, sorry dear!” Are you telling me you would not serve him with papers as soon as possible?

The ideas this board throws around blows my mind. Condoning cheating by either a man or woman is wrong on many levels. Your marriage vows go a lot deeper then just the promise to be faithful. When you go off with another man or woman you are putting much more at risk!

I have no problem with someone wanting a “lover.” I think both the husband and wife should be aware of it. I also think, ladies listen up, that if a man wants a lover he should have one!!! If both parties agree then so be it. But would you ladies go for that? Or is this simply “I have needs as a woman and deserve this!” If so who’s ego are we really talking about?