im having trouble cumming

[Custer Laststand]

Cdlola,

Regarding your reply:

My wife very much wants to get pregnant. She's wanted to for years now and we have been trying for a while. I'm ok with her getting pregnant also. She feels she only has a few more years left to get pregnant, then she will probally be too old to have a baby.

Obviously, you have what might be called a multi-layer problem. It would have made things simpler if you had pointed out your wife's pregnancy desire at the beginning, because it's probably foremost in her mind.

Since your wife had lovers before you met her, her apparent inability to get pregnant may be a result of one or more sexually-transmitted diseases. (STDs are apparently the leading cause of women being unable to get pregnant.) If she once had chlamydia (the most common and widespread STD in North America and possibly worldwide), a result may have been that scar tissue in her fallopian tubes is blocking her eggs. This problem can easily be repaired surgically. Thus, I suggest encouraging your wife to get the necessary medical testing to determine whether she's infertile and, if she is, whether there's something that can be done about it.

Also, I suggest getting a sperm count done yourself to see whether a low sperm count on your part is likely to be the reason for your wife's apparent inability to get pregnant.

If you and/or your wife are among the Americans fortunate enough to have medical insurance — given that the health care reform bill passed by Congress has not yet kicked in — these procedures should be covered by your insurance.

—Custer

 

[cdlola]

thanks again custer your advice is helpful as always

Cdlola,

Regarding your reply:



Obviously, you have what might be called a multi-layer problem. It would have made things simpler if you had pointed out your wife's pregnancy desire at the beginning, because it's probably foremost in her mind.

Since your wife had lovers before you met her, her apparent inability to get pregnant may be a result of one or more sexually-transmitted diseases. (STDs are apparently the leading cause of women being unable to get pregnant.) If she once had chlamydia (the most common and widespread STD in North America and possibly worldwide), a result may have been that scar tissue in her fallopian tubes is blocking her eggs. This problem can easily be repaired surgically. Thus, I suggest encouraging your wife to get the necessary medical testing to determine whether she's infertile and, if she is, whether there's something that can be done about it.

Also, I suggest getting a sperm count done yourself to see whether a low sperm count on your part is likely to be the reason for your wife's apparent inability to get pregnant.

If you and/or your wife are among the Americans fortunate enough to have medical insurance — given that the health care reform bill passed by Congress has not yet kicked in — these procedures should be covered by your insurance.

—Custer

thanks again custer
as to your first question she seems to have lost interest all together for footrubs oral anything really she doesent seem to want to be bothered by me ,and yes i ordered "The New Bride's Guide To Training Her Husband" but she hasent even picked it up

as for part 2 she has been tested and the doctor told her everything seems fine he said that because she is a bbw that if she lost a little weight that it would probally increase the chances of her getting pregnant ,she has lost some weight since then id say 20 to 25 lbs maybe

as for me we actually just made an appointment for me to go see my primary doctor next week so he can refer me to go see someone to check me out and see my sperm count and what ever else they need to check

she seemed like she was on a mission to get pregnant for a while there and she also said all the sex was great also but now for the last 5 days she doesent seem to be interested in anything sexual at all or me in general, i have noticed shes been chatting on the phone alot more but she doesent really let me hear she usally waits till im out of the room to talk so i dont know if that has anything to do with it but she seems to just be sneaky about it, she tells me its her sisters on the phone but i have no idea

 

[Custer Laststand]

Cdlola,

OK re. your wife not having any physical reason for not being able to get pregnant. Also, you've made the right decision re. getting checked out for low sperm count.

My wife seemed like she was on a mission to get pregnant for a while. She said all the sex was great but now for the last 5 days she doesent seem to be interested in anything sexual at all or me in general. I have noticed she's been chatting on the phone a lot more but she doesn't let me hear. She usually waits 'til I'm out of the room to talk. She seems to be sneaky about it. She tells me it's her sisters on the phone but I have no idea.

It sounds like your wife may have made a decision to try to get pregnant by a lover. If so, her phone conversations may either be with her lover or with someone who is assisting her with making arrangements to hook up with a lover. One of her sisters, maybe...? Do one or more of them live close enough to be acquainted with a man who would also be close enough to "see" your wife more-or-less frequently?

—Custer

 

[cdlola]

Cdlola,

OK re. your wife not having any physical reason for not being able to get pregnant. Also, you've made the right decision re. getting checked out for low sperm count.



It sounds like your wife may have made a decision to try to get pregnant by a lover. If so, her phone conversations may either be with her lover or with someone who is assisting her with making arrangements to hook up with a lover. One of her sisters, maybe...? Do one or more of them live close enough to be acquainted with a man who would also be close enough to "see" your wife more-or-less frequently?

—Custer

her closest sister lives about 2 hours away by car, but the rest of her family lives pretty far from us, about a 10 hour drive

 

[Custer Laststand]

It's time to become assertive.

Cdlola,

My wife's closest sister lives about 2 hours away by car. The rest of her family lives pretty far from us, about a 10 hour drive.

Well... I guess I'll have to say your wife seems like something of a hard case.

If she isn't willing to take action to optimize her domestic life per the books by Emily and Ken Addison (or even consider looking at them); and if her interest in fucking you "peaked" when you began doing more (much more, I gather) of the housework while you also increased your expressions of affection by attending to her in a personal sense (giving her foot rubs and kissing her feet on a daily basis, giving her massages, going out shopping with her, etc.); and if your wife's sexual interest in you is returning to its previous low ebb; then — by process of elimination — it sounds like whatever she wants and needs from her relationship with you does not include any of those things.

I suspect a key to understanding your wife's current behavior is understanding why her behavior was different (she became very quiet and thoughtful, while seeming less interested in you) after she returned from her recent visit with her relatives. A related key is understanding why she is now spending a lot of time talking on the phone to one or more unknown persons, and always doing it such that you can't hear her conversations.

To come to grips with all this, I suggest going out on a limb and saying to your wife: "Look... I've done and am continuing to do all these things to make our relationship better, especially better for you, but you aren't responding to any of them. If you want to have any relationship with me at all, you're going to have to tell me what it is you want and need that you aren't getting from me. In particular, you're going to have to start *communicating honestly* with me and, as a beginning, tell me what all your secret phone conversations are about. And I don't want to hear any bullshit about 'just talking with your sister.' I know you want to get pregnant, and that's important to me too... I want to do my part in making you pregnant. But if you aren't willing to start communicating honestly with me, I'll have to tell you our relationship is going to be over... because, in fact, it looks to me like it's over right now."

That may seem like a long speech and sort of like invoking a "nuclear option," as former Senate Majority Leader Trent Lott would have put it (no doubt), but I think serious action on your part is now required if you want to preserve your relationship with your wife. So, I recommend grasping your balls, holding them firmly in one hand, and doing it.

—Custer

 

[cdlola]

thanks custer i guess its time for me to man up as u said ,i couldent think of anything else i could do except just come right out and say what i feel as u said
she is out right now when she gets back later tonight im gonna ask her straight out as u suggested...ill keep u posted

 

[Saraha]

There is a cross-over of libidos for men and women. Remember that a man peaks at 18 and by the time he reaches 65, his testosterone has fallen to only 25%, whilst a wife peaks nearer 35 and her peak falls only slowly towards 65.

Be honest with your wife about your falling testosterone levels, giving her a chance to "top-up" her sex life by having a secret lover (as a gift for being such a wonderful wife to you).

She may not want to take a lover at first, but if she truly feels that you wish her to, the seed will have been planted in her mind, and one day she may get an opportunity with someone she meets spontaneously.

Stop stressing that you can't cum, let her see that you can't perform like you used to - it is no one's fault, and it is not adultery if she has your permission.

 

[Saraha]

She is dressing more sexy, so her libido is powerful compared with yours. She needs other men to make her feel special, sexy, aroused and appreciated.

 

[cdlola]

ok so when she got home last night i told her straight out why have u been so quiet and chatting on the phone mostly when im not in the room,
she told me that she has been talking to her sister on the phone but about me that shes been worried about me that she thought i was not sexually attracted to her cause of how the sex has been ,i told her that im extremly attracted to her ,then after talking about it for a little while we had great sex and i came normally in her ,maybe i was just anxious or something i guess ill have to see if next time we have sex if im normal still or not

p.s. i havent wacked off in a few days either which probally helped, also i have a doctors apointment this week to get a referal so i can go see a doctor to check my sperm count

also to sahara... i have told her that if she ever is not happy with me sexually that id be ok if she satisfies her needs by finding a man that does that, she said that shes is satisfied sexually with me (at least for now in my opinion)

 

[Custer Laststand]

Cdlola,

Ok, so when my wife got home last night i asked her straight out why have u been so quiet and chatting on the phone mostly when im not in the room?

Good.

She told me she has been talking to her sister on the phone, but about me because she's been worried about me. She thought i was not sexually attracted to her anymore because of how our sex has been. i told her i'm extremely attracted to her, then after talking about it for a while we had great sex and i came normally in her. Maybe i was just anxious or something. I guess i'll have to see if next time we have sex i'm still normal or not.

Also good. Bringing things out into the open, then your wife telling you she fears you're no longer sexually attracted to her, then you telling her you're very much attracted to her but you have anxieties of your own, seems to have had a cathartic effect and to have made a big difference. This is strongly suggested by the fact you and she then had passionate sex and you "came" normally.

PS: I haven't wacked off in a few days either which probably helped, also i have a doctors apointment this week to get a referal so i can go see another doctor to check my sperm count.

Good on both counts. I suggest maximizing your passion for your wife by trying to refrain from beating your weenie in between when she fucks you. One way to do this would be to establish an explicit verbal agreement with her that you will only beat your weenie after asking her permission, and then only if she grants you permission. I suspect this would also have the effect of making your marriage more erotic and "hotter" as a result of you giving your wife the authority to control your masturbation.

Also, to Sahara: I have told my wife if she is ever unhappy with me sexually I'll be OK with her satisfying her needs by taking a lover. She said she is sexually-satisfied with me (at least for now, in my opinion).

Excellent. You have told your wife she can take a lover if she wishes, and that is a plus. It relieves her, at least in principle, from any need to feel she must "sneak around behind your back" should she decide to do so.

BTW, thanks for weighing in Saraha. Cdlola is in need of advice from a woman such as yourself who can, in essence, represent his wife's point of view.

—Custer

 

[cdlola]

thanks

thanks for all the advice ill keep u posted if anything new develops and ill let u know how my doctor appointment goes
im hoping for some good news or i dont know how shes gonna react if i cant get her pregnant

 

[Saraha]

If you can't get her pregnant, you could agree to her having a lover to let her become a mother......the same guy could give her several babies if she desires that.

 

[cdlola]

If you can't get her pregnant, you could agree to her having a lover to let her become a mother......the same guy could give her several babies if she desires that.

if i find out that i cant give her a baby i will reassure her that if she wants a baby i will be ok if she goes outside of our marriage to try, ive told her that if she ever wants to go outside our marriage in anyway that id be ok with it

 

[Saraha]

You have planted the seeds in her mind for her to take a lover and get pregnant if she chooses. Seeds take awhile to germinate, so her feminine mind will decide if and when she might be ready to begin flirting with men.

 

[cdlola]

You have planted the seeds in her mind for her to take a lover and get pregnant if she chooses. Seeds take awhile to germinate, so her feminine mind will decide if and when she might be ready to begin flirting with men.

in your opinion how long would it be before u think she will realize she wants to take on a lover besides myself? if she even does
also i made an apointment for next tuesday to test my sperm count

 

[Custer Laststand]

That's a question for your wife.

Cdlola,

In your opinion, how long would it be before u think my wife will realize she wants to take on a lover besides myself? That is, if she does.

That's another question about the future for which the best answer is, "Predictions are difficult, especially of the future." Your "IF" statement implies the answer could be anywhere between 1 day and your wife's remaining lifespan.

Also, I made an apointment for next tuesday to test my sperm count.

Good. When you get the results of your sperm-count back, I suggest asking your question again... but instead of asking the forum, ask your wife.

If it happens your sperm count is so low you have a low probability of making her pregnant, she may begin thinking seriously about taking a lover. If so, that's a decision you should assist her with... i.e., your wife and you should make it together. Also, if your wife decides to take a lover for purposes of impregnation (and more) (I think this strategy would be much lower cost than artificial insemination), she should, of course, ask any candidate who appears serious to demonstrate, with the written results of a sperm-count test, that he's actually capable of impregnating her.

—Custer

 

[cdlola]

Cdlola,



That's another question about the future for which the best answer is, "Predictions are difficult, especially of the future." Your "IF" statement implies the answer could be anywhere between 1 day and your wife's remaining lifespan.



Good. When you get the results of your sperm-count back, I suggest asking your question again... but instead of asking the forum, ask your wife.

If it happens your sperm count is so low you have a low probability of making her pregnant, she may begin thinking seriously about taking a lover. If so, that's a decision you should assist her with... i.e., your wife and you should make it together. Also, if your wife decides to take a lover for purposes of impregnation (and more) (I think this strategy would be much lower cost than artificial insemination), she should, of course, ask any candidate who appears serious to demonstrate, with the written results of a sperm-count test, that he's actually capable of impregnating her.

—Custer

i know its impossible to give me an accurate answer on how long but in your opinion and from your experiences and also your knowlege from this forum and from what u know about her so far , do u think it would be something that would happen quickly or in a few months or years ,in your opinions?

also i know she has talked about a black lover when we discussed it, but if shes to have a baby should i suggest a white man so people will think its my baby or is the point that so people know its not my baby ,i ask this because i know she has a male friend thats white single and has (in my opinion) liked my wife for a while, i dont think she is into him from how she acts around him but maybe if my sperm count is low she will want to act quickly,id like to know your opinions on this also.... thanks

 

[duke9555]

take less estrogen

 

[cdlola]

take less estrogen

what does that have to do with anything, and im not on estrogen

 

[cdlola]

i know its impossible to give me an accurate answer on how long but in your opinion and from your experiences and also your knowlege from this forum and from what u know about her so far , do u think it would be something that would happen quickly or in a few months or years ,in your opinions?

also i know she has talked about a black lover when we discussed it, but if shes to have a baby should i suggest a white man so people will think its my baby or is the point that so people know its not my baby ,i ask this because i know she has a male friend thats white single and has (in my opinion) liked my wife for a while, i dont think she is into him from how she acts around him but maybe if my sperm count is low she will want to act quickly,id like to know your opinions on this also.... thanks

i just had a little conversation with her and she told me that she loves that ive been doing the house chores, that she even is going to buy me a little maids outfit if she can find 1 in my size ,she said she also likes making me jealous when were out and thats why shes enjoyed dressing sluttier now because she says i notice guys looking at her and it makes me jealous ,which is true but i like it also, but i noticed by her saying this that shes noticed guys checking her out also which is a good thing i think, i just thought id add this little update for u all to know thanks