You know, maybe you should step back and recognize that the meaning of the terms "with" and "without" have obviously changed for her - maybe it's time for you to do some growing and changing too. Lucky you that she is inviting you along on her journey.
If she is having you in the room - in fact, having you as the centerpiece and focal point of the entire experience, if you actually think about it - then it is very very much WITH you. How you can apply the phrase "without me" to your description of the proposed event is beyond me.
Maybe you aren't penetrating her physically at that exact moment, but if you think about the set-up she proposes, it is obvious you have already penetrated her deeply and permanently so that you are intricate in every sexual sensation she has - even if you are cuffed and gagged, across the room or across the country.
Lucky you that she is setting up something SO focused on you and the special intimacy the two of you have.
Now is not the time to puff up and get all demanding and Alpha male on her.
WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, you should be kissing her feet and learning to enjoy her lovingly sharing her bliss with you.
Set ultimatums now and I fear you could see yourself no longer being let into all her moments of revelation with the same kind of conspiratorial acceptance she is exhibiting now.
Good luck.
Best to - as stated before - DO WHAT YOU ARE TOLD.
You’ll have time to agree later.