whats wrong with me.
- Thread startermike
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By the sound of it, there's nothing wrong with you and there's nothing wrong with her. But you obviously have different ideas of what you both consider to be "fun" or pleasure. You might have to accept the inevitable and just let this go. Swinging is an emotional issue for most couples and underlying beliefs of marriage and monogamy not withstanding, it does rely on a huge amount of trust. If she does not want this then you need to respect her thoughts and feelings.
If you're not feeling fulfilled in your marriage then maybe you should be talking to her about what's creating the need inside you and see if you both can find some middle ground or at least the root cause.
The lifestyle is not for everyone and you need to accept her feelings are as valid as your needs. Both partners in a swinging couple must both want to swing and both must have complete trust for one another or it simply won’t work.
You could spend your time chasing a fantasy that ultimately results in you losing something real. The question you have to answer is...is it really worth it?
If you're not feeling fulfilled in your marriage then maybe you should be talking to her about what's creating the need inside you and see if you both can find some middle ground or at least the root cause.
The lifestyle is not for everyone and you need to accept her feelings are as valid as your needs. Both partners in a swinging couple must both want to swing and both must have complete trust for one another or it simply won’t work.
You could spend your time chasing a fantasy that ultimately results in you losing something real. The question you have to answer is...is it really worth it?
at one time i thought she was ready.we where watching an episode of nip tuck that white wives were having sex with black studs wile ther husband watched.she asked if that was what i wanted ofcoarse i answerd yes.she teaed me about it flirted with the idea but that was it.she showed me no other interst.
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bbclover
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Your advise is extremely accurate, Black. What some people tend to forget is,
there must be mutual agreement between both parties. I like the point you raised about the differences in each others belief systems, and also the trust issue. I would like to add that the male should be definitely sure this is not just some fantasy and that he has the emotional capacity to accept what the future may present.
Proceed with great caution laddie.
--Kaitlyn--
there must be mutual agreement between both parties. I like the point you raised about the differences in each others belief systems, and also the trust issue. I would like to add that the male should be definitely sure this is not just some fantasy and that he has the emotional capacity to accept what the future may present.
Proceed with great caution laddie.
--Kaitlyn--
I just ended a 20 year marriage which (admittedly wasn't a very good marriage) but she was boring and no interest in swinging or having sex anymore. So it was pretty easy.
If your relationship is great I'd say but your fantasies on the back burner, but I decided I am not going to stay with a woman that has no interest in my fantasies or seems to have any of her own. I am going to find womeone that shares my fantasies. I am not going through the rest of my life denying myself something that I am, for whatever reason obsessed with.
If your relationship is great I'd say but your fantasies on the back burner, but I decided I am not going to stay with a woman that has no interest in my fantasies or seems to have any of her own. I am going to find womeone that shares my fantasies. I am not going through the rest of my life denying myself something that I am, for whatever reason obsessed with.
mike said:at one time i thought she was ready.we where watching an episode of nip tuck that white wives were having sex with black studs wile ther husband watched.she asked if that was what i wanted ofcoarse i answerd yes.she teaed me about it flirted with the idea but that was it.she showed me no other interst.
It can take a few years for the seed you have planted in her mind to sprout into reality, and it depends on what men are available for her to feel comfortable with.
She has to be convinced her marriage won't fall over, and you won't sneak off and fuck other women. If she were to date other men, she could fall in love with them, and you might find your jealousy hard to control.
If you convince her to share her pussy with other men, then you must take over a lot of the housework to let her freshen up to have the energy for dating, and you can't put curfews on her because she has to grow relationships with other guys - one night stands are fraught with difficulties and a risk to her personal safety.
You would also need to upgrade her clothes, so she can "feel and look her best" for dating.
Strengthen your marriage first, and then let your wife know that you wish to remain loyal and monogamous, and her dating other men is your gift to her for being a wonderful wife over many years. She will find the extra attention of other men quite exciting as her social life will improve dramatically.
If she is suspicious of your motives, or feels unattractive, she won't let herself adopt the lifestyle you wish her to get involved with.
DaBlackBuzz makes an interesting point although in a mean way. Maybe the best way to talk about your fantasies is to ask her about hers. But I have to tell you I have asked 4 different women to tell me their fantasies in the last year and not one has given me anything to fucking work with. The closest to anything remotely kinky was being tied up. Most women don't need fantasies they just need a guy they are in love with. Nothing else matters. Finding kinky women is not as easy in the midwest, that's for damn sure.
However I think it would be much easier to introduce a woman to your fantasies if you treated her amazingly well. Buy her gifts, be romantic, really let her know that you are in love with her. She might be more receptive to submitting to your desires.
However I think it would be much easier to introduce a woman to your fantasies if you treated her amazingly well. Buy her gifts, be romantic, really let her know that you are in love with her. She might be more receptive to submitting to your desires.
Josetta said:If she is suspicious of your motives, or feels unattractive, she won't let herself adopt the lifestyle you wish her to get involved with.
The wife may suspect that the husband is having another woman and may use this swinging issue as a legal ammunition in filing for a divorce. For women, they have many concerns before jumping into this thing, unlike men.
DaBlackBuzz said:IMHO, whats wrong with you is that you seem to believe that your desires are her desires. She has a mind of her own and fantasies of her own. Do you know what her fantasies are or do you just shove yours down her throat? Try to give a little you will get a whole lot in return.
Right on! It must be done voluntarily and on her free will, not coerced or anything like it.
zibzob said:DaBlackBuzz makes an interesting point although in a mean way. Maybe the best way to talk about your fantasies is to ask her about hers. But I have to tell you I have asked 4 different women to tell me their fantasies in the last year and not one has given me anything to fucking work with. The closest to anything remotely kinky was being tied up. Most women don't need fantasies they just need a guy they are in love with. Nothing else matters. Finding kinky women is not as easy in the midwest, that's for damn sure.
However I think it would be much easier to introduce a woman to your fantasies if you treated her amazingly well. Buy her gifts, be romantic, really let her know that you are in love with her. She might be more receptive to submitting to your desires.
I am trying to be direct not mean. Look, this stuff is quite simple to me. Most men cant get out of their own way. I am not trying to say I have all the answers but I am intelligent enough to know that women do not think like us. If you try to see the world from her perspective perhaps you will have more luck.
Again, I am not trying to be mean but have you ever given any consideration as to why you got nothing when you asked four women of their fantasies? You went on to say that women dont need fantasies. LOL! Men dont need fantasies either. I wouldnt question whether or not they had fantasies I would question why am I getting the same response from all four. I would question your level of intimacy with each. If you asked four in one year I am guessing that there could not have been that strong of a connection. I don't think women share their fantasies as freely as men. Once you have some time vested and they feel safe sharing their fantasies with you, they will. And guess what??? It has NOTHING to do with buying gifts.
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I don't disagree with anything you said Dablackbuzz. All very accurate. Still think my advice is good though. Ask her about her fantasies, let her know she is the focus of your fantasy and you don't want or need other women. Make her feel special and she may come over to your side....or not. Womens be totally unpredictable.
mike said:why is it that i even want this.what is she would rather be with him then me.its such a turn on.i cant help myself.
Only you can answer that. I can tell you though that she will never buy into it if you yourself do not fully accept it.
mike said:thanks so much on the advice.ill see where things go with this.just work it in as a fantasiy.watch some more ir porn and tell her how hot shed look with a well hung black stud using her.
A romantic flavor could make BBC more exciting rather than just "using her for sperm release".
mike said:i am at the point that i want my girl freind of 10 years to have a younger black lover.im 43 shes 32.how do i go about this withoutruining are relationship.ive gotten her some really hot ir porn life like toys.not sure what to do next.she doesnt seem to be interested.
Have you try communicating honestly and properly with her, I mean she may not be interested in it because she has insecurities. She's afraid you may ditch her and using this excuse of her "opening up herself" as a perfect excuse.
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