nardpleeker said:Unfortunately, it's hard to be totally sensitive and empathetic when you're totally horny.
So Mr. Polini really is a pig. How humiliating for Min-Ju! In exciting ways and not exciting ways.
So you see the problem. That first night she told the story in a way to arouse me, and I experienced it as intensely erotic imagining this man fingering my wife and maybe more. It made me cum to hear how he had her in his lap, and Min-Ju saw my orgasm, felt it between her fingers. But in subsequent retellings it becomes more upsetting and darker. I started to feel upset and even nauseous thinking about it, and it became clear that parts of her experience really upset her. I feel really conflicted about it all. I'm not proud of my reactions, but it some ways knowing now how humiliated she felt it still arouses me.
George said:Thank you for the update. Question: She said KA 'wanted her to do things'. Did KA's requests/instructions start Friday night? Or did they start Saturday? Did she do what he wanted? What didn't she do that he wanted?
I don't know how much was "planned," but I know now how much was talked about. That first night after the reception, as she and the Korean artist left the restaurant to come home, she expressed surprise to him that he didn't seem bothered by Mr Polini getting so handsy with her. She expected he would be possessive but he wasn't. "Didn't you see how he was treating me?" she asked him. She said he shrugged it off, saying basically that that's how a girl who is out without her husband should expect to be treated. She felt stung by that but didn't know what to say. It seems that Mr Polini, talking to the Korean artist earlier at the reception, had complimented him on his "wife," and he had said, "Oh, she's not mine." And Polini apparently made a special point of asking him to bring her out after the reception and, later, to his party.
The Korean artist hadn't given her any instructions, per se, beyond how to dress, other than that he didn't want her to "embarrass him" in front of his friends and that she should "act friendly." As MystTiger said, "this situation with Mr Polini was [not] planned as such."
nardpleeker said:KA is now clearer to us. He treats her with contempt here. Is that how he really feels about her, or is he playing a role? It's probably how he really feels -- I'm not sure he knows or cares what's going on in her head. But, in all your other stories, he seems to have treated her respectfully, almost like a girlfriend.
A better description might be that he treats her distantly. Myself, I found it rude that the Korean artist never asked me much about me or what I did for a living, or any of the other (awkward) small talk I was expecting during those times the three of us were together. Instead, we talked about food, his favorite brands of scotch, things like that. When I expressed frustration with that afterwards, Min-Ju explained that that was just him being Korean, that Koreans tended not to talk about personal things like that much outside of the immediate family, and it is true I experienced something similar when meeting her family. So to me he seemed a little rude, and mostly indifferent.
Apparently he never asked much about me when they were alone together either. He called me "weak," and early on wondered if the marriage was a convenience. He kept assuming she must not really love me as a way of understanding why she was cheating. She did tell me, repeatedly and emphatically, that she loves me. And she told him I knew and liked that she was sleeping with him.
With her, it was a mixed bag. He has been really positive about her work, generous even. I've seen it myself in some of his emails and comments to her. So even as I have come to dislike him, in fairness I have to say that. And he hasn't done or said anything that as suggested he was trying to steal her away. One way to say that is he was respecting boundaries. Another way is that he was just there for casual sex.
Selfish. Maybe that's the better word.
nardpleeker said:I suppose she convinced KA to bring her home after that.
Yeah, that was the end of the night, and could easily have been the end of the visit. She was pretty upset. But also ***** enough to basically pass out. You remember during her visit she said she "was done with him." This was why. Part of her wanted him out of the house the next morning, but part of her also wanted things to return to "normal." She wanted to feel that "simple, naughty fun of being with him and knowing how much that excited you."
nardpleeker said:It's one thing to be dominated. This kind of humiliation is something else. It sounds like she got in deeper than she expected and didn't like it. And she was ***** and intimidated, so it might have been even harder to know what to do. I was about to say she didn't know how to handle it, but, ultimately, fleeing to the bathroom was the right move.
I can't wait to find out from you how she felt about this. I can imagine that she might be really turned out by a third-person discussion of her sexual abilities. But maybe being treated like a slab of meat, and the racial stuff, which has an element of hatred, was a turn-off. I think she wants to be a sexual servant, not an inanimate object. She was turned on at one point, but maybe that changed to disgust.
That's pretty much it. It's been hard for us to discuss, and out of respect for the rawness of her feeling I've tried not to bring this up since I learned just how upsetting things became. I'm trying to let her talk about it if/when she wants to, especially as I don't want her to feel pressured to turn this experience into a "tease" for my benefit, like she did at the beginning.
Hearing her talk about that night on several different occasions and in several different moods, it is clear that parts of it she found intensely arousing. About listening to the two men talk about her sexually, she admitted that turned her on in a way that surprised her. She felt "a stab of pride when he said I give good blowjobs, and I do!" This was a big moment for her. This was the first time she has admitted in public, even if the admission was only through her silence, that she has cheated with another man. I mean, she sat in Mr Polini's lap as the two men talked about her that way, knowing she was married to someone else!
mystTiger said:i think it is quite telling how MJ just went with the flow of the situation and within moments was making out with a stranger while he slid his fingers into her tight wet pussy.... you know her pussy must have been dripping wet at that point as no matter how much her mind might want to resist her body would betray her and show all the signs of her enjoyment and desire in that moment... that is why Mr Polini called her a slut the next time he say her... not because he kissed her or because he had his fingers inside her... but because she was dripping wet clearly enjoying it and getting off on it when he did it...
Yes.
While we have been avoiding the situation, there was also one time when I was going down on her and this came up. Carefully, tentatively, I teased her about how she was a slut for him in front of everyone, and she came... hard. Her pussy got so wet.
In terms of him saying nasty things to her like calling her a slut and such, a few times she admitted it turned her on. She said, "I felt myself get wetter even as it upset me. I don't know. Not knowing how I was supposed to respond was the hardest part." But other times she said she didn't like it.
Perhaps most disturbing of all is the way what happened resonates with Min-Ju's own troubled relationship with authority. You already know that Min-Ju tends to be submissive and that Korean society is very respectful of authority and hierarchy in general. In school when she was a young girl, apparently it was a common experience for kids, including her, to be disciplined physically, often called up to the front of the class to be beaten by the teacher. This left quite a mark on her. I'm not suggesting she is a masochist -- she's not. But it's all too easy to understand a line between that kind of experience and her experience of paralysis as she finds herself in a situation with an older man she doesn't no how to handle.
There's a part of me that worries all this may not be the healthiest for her. An intensely protective part of me that just wants to wrap her in the protective shield of my arms and shut out all the world and keep her safe from everything. But there's also a darker part in there, even if it's just a sliver. If I am completely honest with myself. A horny, needy voice that wants to push her into his arms. That gets off in some powerful and possibly self-destructive way on the idea of her being sexually used and pleasured and humiliated by this man.
nardpleeker said:I wonder what would have happened if you were there. Would you have leaped to her defense at some point? Or sat there in self-imposed helplessness as the situation evolved? Would she have continued, and then blamed you for not acting?
Yeah, that's the really tough question, isn't it. So many landmines in there.
An important part of the experience for her was the difference between being there with him and being there with me. As she was feeling overwhelmed, she was looking to the Korean artist for help, and she didn't get it. The Korean artist was there to network, there was almost an element of sexual exchange to the whole thing. We've talked about that, and she told me earnestly how safe she feels with me and how much she values that. That moment felt wonderful.
We've also talked about how I feel jealous and upset that he was doing this without me there. That I felt excluded. And scared for her. More difficultly, we have also talked about my guilt for feeling turned on by what happened. I admitted to her that it turned me on, but that I also felt upset it happened with him and not with me there.
nardpleeker said:Did she "friend" Polini on Facebook? That would be a truly risky move. I wonder if she's tempted to fuck him? Maybe invite him over while you're there? The problem with that fantasy is that you might not be able to resist murdering him, though, even if she were enjoying how he treated her!
Yes, as I said I had encouraged her to accept his "friend" request before I understood the full scope of what happened, and he is still on there as one of her "friends." He even messaged her. We've agreed to just leave the message sit there, unopened; for now we are leaving this alone.
If I'm honest, really honest, it would excite me if she has been to see him behind my back.