Im scared

[halflife1]

To make a long story short...I came to these forums because Im scared and need some type of advice. I have been my wife's sub since before we were married, about 4 years. I love her to death and I know she Loves me deeply. Ive had D/s relationships before but this so far has been the best fit, and oddly the mellowest. It weaves through every aspect of our daily lives from my cooking and cleaning, to giving her all my income, to servicing her, to extremely long periods of denial (last real o was 7/1/08...ugh), etc. The weird aspect, however, is that for the most part things seem more equal than my previous relationship, I guess theres much more mutual respect than Ive experienced in the past, and to be honest, we have a great sex life. Well in all my wisdom, about a year ago, I brought up the "fact" that Im totally dedicated to her happiness and that if she wanted to be with another man that I believed I would be OK with it.
Let me explain that this was never a fantasy of mine prior to this, but for some reason, with her, I get very aroused FANTASIZING about it. Well in recent months the conversation just sort of kept coming up here and there. To be completely honest, I think I initiated it because she travels so much and part of me would rather just know it happens than have her feel that she has to lie to me about it...she insists nothings happened up to this point. Well about two weeks ago she confessed to me that on her last trip there was in fact a guy that was very flirty and she considered being with, this was the first time she seriously considered it. I asked how close she felt she was to actually doing something and she told me about 75%. When I asked what stopped her she said that ultimately she didnt want to hurt me and/or wasnt sure how to tell me. Well in this two weeks she has decided that next time it comes up that shes going to just do what she wants(shes leaving again in a week). I want her to be happy, on my life thats the truth, Im her b*tch, through and through, you probably wouldnt know it from meeting me because im not wimpy or a yes mam no mam kind of sub and were pretty private about it all but thats the reality...but Im scared, not just of losing her, but of the reality of her being with another man. I asked specifically "what if its better? what if you get feelings for them?" She explained that if its better, than she'll continue to be with them, but only sexually, and that Im hers forever and she would never ever leave me for anything...she always tells me that Im hers til the day I die .
I just want to add that I feel that shes kind of taking the situation lightly, I think that she is so used to just getting her way and bending my will towards hers that she assumes Ill just accept it and move on. Its still very arousing to me and I almost dont want it to be. Anyway, Im scared, truly, she means everything to me. Has anyone else gone through this? Im just having a hard time wrapping my head around the whole thing. ANY advice would be appreciated because Im not sure where else to turn. Thanks

 

[Son of John]

Halfife1, I somewhat identify with your situation, since I was there to some degree once. It is true that you do not know for sure how you would feel about some other guy fucking your wife. That is something you cannot really know until it actually happens. And then it is too late to go back and undo it.

And your second fear is of losing her, because she might decide she would rather be with the other man than with you. My guess is that in most cases like yours, the other guy is looking for pussy, but not for a permanent arrangement. The reason he would want to fuck your wife is that she IS married, and so she won't expect him to form a relationship with her past the fucking part.

But you can't be sure how you and your wife will feel once it has happened. So this is my suggestion: Take her to a nudist club, and have her walk about naked in front of the men who will be there, and learn how you feel as you see them staring at her tits and pussy, and, no doubt, entertain feelings about how they would like to fuck her!

Most of the men at these clubs are true gentlemen and will do nothing to embarrass her. They all know the rules very well. You can look at another guy's wife's naked body as much as you want to, as long as you don't make it obvious. So you have very little to worry about unless one of you makes some sort of overt invitation to them.

But, the important thing is that you will have a chance to examine your own feelings when you see them looking at her naked body. If it excites you, then maybe you might be ready for something more serious.

And you need to know what her feelings are too. If it excites her for other men to see her naked, that is a plus. But, if she is embarrassed, or put-off, that might be the sign to slow down.

No matter what some might say, sharing your wife's pussy with other men is serious business and doing so will change the dynamics of your marriage forever. So, take it slow, and be ready to accept whatever changes take place.

 

[pleaser011]

Halflife1, I won't pretend to know what's right for you and your wife, but from what you said in your post, it seems to me that you are both poised for a very exciting new period in your lives. The fact that she seems to be "taking it lightly" indicates to me that she has the power and the courage to go through with it and make your fantasy come true. Her apparent indifference to your concern suggests to me that she is truly dominant in your relationship and will always continue to be dominant. Although I'm sure that there are things to worry about in what's going to happen to you, I for one envy you. My guess is that your level of submissiveness will double in this new role and things will be more exciting for both of you.

 

[halflife1]

Wow...so much of this is really what I wanted to hear. Let me first address macnfries. I guess I was confusing about the sex life issue. No she doesnt allow me real o's but she does give me ruins whether manually or orally. As for actual sex, even after all this time I can still get her to climax at least once before we stop and its really enjoyable and passionate for both of us. Im above slightly above average in size and thats never been a concern. I love the denial, its keeps me constantly wanting and at 35 I feel like it heightens my sex drive and I find myself constantly fantasizing about her. As for playing together first, yeah I like that idea and I pretty much all of my fantasies revolve around that, but in reality, if/when it happens I can pretty much guarantee she wont be here...and right now Im literally shaking a bit imagining that phone call. I also want to add macnfries, that her taking it lightly is just her nature, Im not defending it, and I can honestly say Im not happy about it, but in the same way I beg her to finally let me o and she just laughs it off, shes treating this with the same non chalant attitude.
As for son of Johns reply, I can pretty much sum it up with..shes VERY attractive, I think that mixed with my genuine submission to her is what originally spurred these thoughts. Additionally, shes very well known in her field and Ive spent a lot of time working with her and there is no shortage of guys hitting on her. You pretty much hit the nail on the head with..

"It is true that you do not know for sure how you would feel about some other guy fucking your wife. That is something you cannot really know until it actually happens. And then it is too late to go back and undo it."

Thats EXACTLY what I cant wrap my head around, I think the fact that it cant be undone is the foundation of my fears.

And pleaser, I.... and I know this seems to contradict what I said 5 seconds ago, but do love her lax attitude on some things. Begging to o after a year and have it laughed off is such a turn on to me. I cant explain to you how this level and length of o denial is just sooo irrelevant to her. ITS BEEN A YEAR++!! She could care less, its the price I pay to be with her, and to be honest, I wouldnt have it any other way. This whole cuckolding concept is just an extension of everything I already feel and do, its the ultimate surrender to her will and her happiness...and I believe that there is an amazing freedom in never worrying about her cheating, that its just that way you know.
Anyway, Im off to work. I have so much gratitude for your responses, thank you for taking the time. Last question though, it seems that most people on here are trying to push their wives/ gfs towards this, that it is an unrelenting fantasy for them. Thats just not the way it is for me, I imagine Ill cry, a lot. Is that normal, I mean has anyone just broke down from the situation and made it through that?? On the other hand, as it becomes more and more of a reality I hate to say that Im constantly aroused thinking about it lately, you know the kind where Im laying in bed fully "ready" and cant even sleep. Im just worried, I dont want to ruin such a beautiful thing. Thanks again.

 

[Custer Laststand]

Halflife1,

A comment of a practical nature comes to mind. Regarding your statement:

I have been my wife's sub since before we were married, about 4 years. I love her to death and I know she Loves me deeply. Ive had D/s relationships before but this so far has been the best fit, and oddly the mellowest. It weaves through every aspect of our daily lives from my cooking and cleaning, to giving her all my income, to servicing her, to extremely long periods of denial (last real o was 7/1/08...ugh), etc.

All this sounds reasonable and even admirable, since it seems clearly to be the kind of marriage you want and it also appeals greatly to your wife (for obvious reasons).

If your wife begins taking lovers, however, doubt will begin creeping into your mind as to whether her primary loyalty is to you or to one of them. Concern over this uncertainty will become progressively more justified if your wife takes only one lover and begins spending more and more of her time with him. From this point of view, your comment

.... [I give] her all my income ....

could potentially become a problem, particularly if *all* of your accounts are in your wife's name and she gives you (e.g.) a small weekly allowance.

This would open you to the possibility of your wife leaving with her lover (or primary lover), leaving you destitute. Many "less than honorable" men have done this, leaving their wives — who thought they were financially secure and reasonably well-off — suddenly with nothing. Probably you don't want to hear this, and my suggesting this may even offend you since you appear to be completely loyal to your wife and (from what you've said) she to you. But, as they say, "shit happens." To assume "shit" will never happen to you would be optimistic and could, conceivably, turn out to be very unwise.

Thus, if your dominant wife makes you her cuckold, you might want to re-think the desirability of giving her all your income and (if this is the case) having all your accounts in her name. Instead, you might want to consider maintaining separate accounts for your separate incomes, and having one joint account that both of you would pay into on a regular basis for purposes of paying your mortgage and other joint bills (utilities, etc).

Incidentally, when you say your wife does not allow you to have o's (orgasms, I assume), how does she accomplish that? Does she expect you to wear a chastity device at all times for which she is sole key-holder, and do you always comply with her expectation?

—Custer

 

[halflife1]

Yea Custer, that doubt freaks me out. I can definitely say Ive spent the majority of our relationship working towards HER success and happiness...along the way Ive made some sacrifices, but nothing I regret. My point being that on some rare occasions I feel, sort of less than, at least in my eyes, like what do I even offer her. Im so schooled in the idea that it should be this strong, dependent man that sometimes I feel inferior to some of her coworkers and/or people that have achieved more than just supporting their wife. She always tells me this is nonsense and that I offer something they never could, but honestly, I think being a sub does create that inferiority a bit, at least for me. Let me clarify that Im happy and have great self esteem, but its just this occasional haunting feeling I get towards that. I guess thats all part of the excitement of this...finding someone that pleases her more so she can humiliate me with it.
As for the chastity, the abbreviated version is that she had almost no experience with serious teasing and orgasm denial before she met me. She was already dominant, and had been with previous bf's, but this never came up before with them. I remember when we started dating we were constantly all over each other and i kept telling her that she let me o too often. She didnt care at the time, but as the newness of it all wore off, she noticed my more lax attitude/ attraction to her...plus I didnt clean as much..haha. Well she began with these two week periods where she would tease me and finally let me o. It was fun but she just kept increasing the timeframe and as she did this my behavior was better and my attraction and affection for her grew exponentially..and she definitely noticed. At this point we bought a cb6000 which we really enjoyed for awhile, and Ill be honest, I was much much more prone to cheating (with myself) here and there back then, but I never had a problem not going all the way to completion. The problem with that is that she prefers to not have lube in her pussy (i still havent really figured that one out), so any kind of impulsive sex was impossible..Id always go shower first and then we would do something. Plus, at that time I hadnt really figured out how to control my self during intercourse...I mean AS SOON as she got close I would just have to beg her to stop, which was obviously annoying to her. We figured out that when I wasnt locked I had a more realistic degree of sensitivity and I could handle myself better, at least get her past that first one you know? So after confessing or getting busted masturbating on a couple of occasions, we had some serious sit downs about it(by sit down I mean she beat the shit out of me with a riding crop til there was literally snot running out my face) because she didnt really want to keep me locked all the time. So i promised I would be good from that point on and its been about 10 months since Ive been locked for any serious period of time. Now Ill confess, I have touched here and there (hope hope she doesnt read this)...usually just for a couple minutes, ironically, it takes some of the "pressure" away, even though Im sort teasing myself more. What I found though, and Im still fascinated by this, is that the longer the denial goes, the less I actually want to make myself orgasm and the more I need her to make me orgasm. I mean honestly, it is SO much better when she does it and the longer the denial the better it gets when I actually do. So do I want to throw literally months and now a year away for a few moments of pleasure that will never come close to the pleasure she could give me? The answers obviously no. It transcends my physical pleasure at this point and reflects my surrendering of my most male necessity to her. It would be like not having one that whole year was a complete waste.
So people often wonder to me why Im not out murdering people or going insane with lust. The answer is her expertise at ruining my orgasms. This is a whole other topic but Ill just say we did a LOT of experimenting with something called the bead game. She would stimulate me manually right until i got close ( I was allowed to tell her when I thought i was close enough), but instead of a regular ruined, I was only allowed one bead to come out, one bead to sit tormentingly on the tip of my unit, even if it was enough to drip off I was locked up in my cb and we would try again in 5-7 days...this would sometimes go on for weeks. What did I get if I just got the bead, well a full ruined the next time we played. Through this teasing game she learned me inside and out and became frighteningly good at letting me have a ruined that she deemed fit for the occassion. It seems so extreme as I write it but its really not, shes a fucking Goddess, Id give anything to her. I also have to say, that I would never snap at her, but shes very good at telling when Im getting "moody" and enoughs enough. At that point she'll give me a pretty good sized ruined where she stops right before I start spurting and at this point its enough to be very satisfying. Ive tried faking my moodiness but she sees right through it...hah
Anyway, thanks again guys, writing some of this stuff out and reading your response has been so incredibly helpful and therapeutic. I cant thank you enough for sharing your advice and expertise and Im starting to feel a lot better about things.

 

[carina_halerose]

OK let me see if I have this straight. You and your wife have a D/s relationship. You as the sub have given her certain things including her freedom to fuck other guys. Am I correct so far? If you are truly in a D/s relationship then what are you complaining about. Suck it up butter cup. Either that or renegotiate your contract with her. The one thing you should do is make sure your name is on all bank accouts. Its for more than just protection if she leaves you. If she should die then what, even as her spouse getting to the money will be difficult.

I am in a D/s marriage. My wife is my Mistress and Goddess. She also controls my orgasms and I go up to 8 weeks without having one. I am edged almost every day. It is my duty to give her an orgasm anytime she wants one. Plus I am not allowed in her since she asked for her freedom to fuck other people and I gave it to her. At that time I could have said no. I said yes because I want her to have the things I cannot give her. She enjoys a larger cock then mine and I felt she should have it. Her being my Domme. Being a sub cuckold is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I have learned my true place. My wife has the freedom to have sex with both men and women. It has made me a better submissive and a happy person.

My wife and I have know each other for 4 yrs and have been married for 6 months.

 

[Hwc]

How are things going, halflife?