Ideas, how to make our relationship stronger?

[TheDevil]

Greetings gentleman,

Well, as some of you know, i have this girlfriend who is very sexual. Our relationship is non-sexual.
Anyway this week i hurt her really bad. I just didn`t want to be this submissive cuckold anymore. Sometimes it hurts you self-esteem. So i insulted and hurt her really bad.. i know, extremely immature. She is still quite angry, but she has forgiven me. I know she will never forget that.

Like, she knows i jack off at her every day and she loves it. I am very attracted to her. Outside i am very confident agrssive, ambitious young man, but she knows that im a submissive cuckold... Like when i am with her i turn into this caring and submissive man... and every time i get more and more caring.
But being a cuckold in real life is quite harsh, knowing that her body reacts to some other man, who is bad, dominant and your opposite (as she tells me) sometimes hurts your masculinity. That is the reason why i got agressive.

Now I want to rebuild and make our relationship stronger. I thought that she would come to my place next weekend and we would cook and i will give her flowers and a feet massage.

I would need more practical tips, to make sure, that she doesnt leave me for some jerk... and we would get married someday...

 

[Lamont]

What is it you want though? You want a relationship with her, but do you want to stop being the submissive cuckold and re-establish your sexual relationship with her? If that's the case, you can certainly still be kind and caring and show her the great things she has in you, but how about being a bit more sexually aggressive. She seems to like that from what you've mentioned. It may all be an act if you're truly meak, and it may take some conscious effort on your part, but how about being a little aggressive like you are the rest of the time. Be a little dominant. Don't shy away, melt or fold if she laughs at you the first time you try it. Keep trying, show her you have the capacity to provide her with the things she's looking for, rather than constantly proving you don't for a change. The truth is that cuckolding can be much more difficult emotionally when it's no longer just a thought or a fantasy. Real life brings a lot of realities into play you don't have to deal with when just messing around with the "thought" in the bedroom. Some are cut out for it, others aren't. If your self-esteem is being impacted, and hence the quality of your life as a result, I would seriously think you need to take a long and hard look at what you're willing to live with and what you are not. If you're emotional stability is being impacted in a negative way, then the fun is gone for you if it pushes you enough to snap and say hurtful things. I'd stop all of these games until you a) decide what you want as I mentioned above, b) work on your ability to openly communicate with her AS these things come up, not after they've built up and you've blown, and c) no more until you now rebalance personally, and restabilize your relationship. You see this only seems to work successfully long term when there is an established history of relationship building that has taken place, a trust built, stability in the relationship, a set of rules that both agree to (unless you're being ****** into this), and when you care enough about each other that you can stop or take a time out when one is hurting or not on the same page. I'm not sure you have many of those, or if you do, then you haven't mentioned. Food for thought anyway.

 

[Son of John]

There is no way to guarantee that she will not leave you for "some jerk". All you can do is talk with her and be very upfront about what you want from the relationship. And she should do the same. If you find you have enough of the same goals, then maybe you can make it work. I also believe you would be most unrealistic if you did not accept the fact that this lady WILL be fucking with other men, even if she does marry you.

The question for you is; "Can you handle the fact that other men will be fucking your wife?" If you cannot, then it is time to move on.

I do not understand why wife-sharing husbands must be "submissive". It is entirely possible for a husband to share his wife's pussy with other men and still feel very good about himself. Pussy-sharing should be a "happy" experience for all concerned! I also believe it is possible for the husband to be close friends with the men who are fucking his wife. There is a sort of natural bond that comes about when men are fucking the same woman, that is not possible in any other way.

 

[Custer Laststand]

TheDevil,

Well, as some of you know, I have a girlfriend who is very sexual. Our relationship is non-sexual.

Yes, you mentioned that when you first posted. It sounds like that aspect of your relationship hasn't changed. I suggest there may be several reasons your girlfriend will not let you fuck her.

One may relate to her dominant personality (that is, with respect to you). She understands intuitively that if she lets you fuck her, you will begin to view yourself, in accordance with classical male tradition, as "owning" her in some sense. Since she is and wants to remain the dominant partner in your relationship, she does not wish to take that risk.

Another reason may be that she understands that as long as she keeps you as horny as possible, you will continue your courting behavior, treating her as nicely as possible in hopes she will some day relent and give you the the satisfying sex you crave.

Another possible reason relates to your comment a while back that you have a large cock (8 inches, as I recall). Your girl friend may be among the women who can't comfortably take a cock that large. If she knows sexual intercourse with you would be painful, that may also be a reason she won't let you fuck her.

Anyway this week i hurt her really bad. I just didn`t want to be this submissive cuckold anymore. Sometimes it hurts your self-esteem. So I insulted and hurt her really bad. I know, extremely immature. She is still quite angry, but she has forgiven me. I know she will never forget that.

I hope by "hurt her really bad" you don't mean you physically beat her. If you did, your girlfriend has a much more serious problem with you than you've indicated.

Since you obviously have strong feelings for her but she isn't giving you physical love, but is fucking other men, it seems likely your frustration built to the point where you could no longer contain it and you "blew up." That isn't good. I suggest a good start on alternative lovemaking that would not require her to accept the disadvantages (noted above) of allowing you to fuck her would be to try to prevail on her to allow you to give her cunninglingus — after, of course, suitable preliminaries that would amount to "foreplay" like giving her a foot rub then working your way up her leg(s) with your tongue. See:

Cunnilingus: A How to Guide for Orally Stimulating the Vulva

I also suggest pointing out to your girlfriend that if she allows you to satisfy her in this way, bringing her pleasure will increase your own satisfaction and happiness.

Like, she knows I jack off at her every day and she loves it. I am very attracted to her.

Hm.... does "jacking off at her" mean you jack off in the privacy of your room while thinking about her?

You might consider suggesting to your girl friend that, after you bring her to orgasm with cunninglingus, she reward you by requesting you take off your clothes, then lie on your back at her feet and jack off, while — seated in comfort and more-or-less fully clothed — she watches while you jack yourself to orgasm and squirt for her pleasure. (Apparently, many women like watching men masturbate at their feet.)

Outside I am a very confident, aggressive, ambitious young man, but she knows that [inside] I'm a submissive cuckold. Like, when I am with her I turn into a caring and submissive man.... and every time, I get more and more caring.

That isn't unusual. It's called "courting behavior." There are actually quite a few men who are outwardly confident, ambitious and aggressive, which is usually required to succeed in whatever field they go into, but who secretly want to be submissive to a dominant women in their love lives.

You seem, however, to be conflicted about this. There's a good chance the source of your inner conflict is the long-standing societal expectation that men must be "strong" and "in control" of their wives or girlfriends on the "home front." Lots of men, though, don't fit that standard cookie-cutter social expectation. What you've said about yourself does not suggest there's anything "wrong" with you. Assuming, that is, you didn't beat your girlfriend physically. If you did, both you and she have a serious problem.

I suggest both you and your girlfriend may be able to get a handle on your inner thoughts, feelings and what you want from your relationship with her if you ask her to give you Ms. Elise Sutton's "Psychoanalysis of the Submissive Male." To do so, go to her web page:

Elise Sutton's Female Superiority Page

then scroll about halfway down until you come to the above title, then click on the link, then print it out. It's free. Your girlfriend will need to follow Ms. Sutton's instructions re. administering this evaluation — i.e., dress in a way she knows will turn you on, require you to take off your clothes, then lie on your back nude on your bed while she sits in a chair beside you, reading you the questions and using a notepad to take notes on your answers. And no sex, before or after.

Afterwards, if you decide this appeals to you (perhaps in spite of yourself), I suggest both of you read:

Sutton, Elise. 2003. Female Domination: an exploration of the male desire for loving female authority.

Simultaneously, I suggest you ask your girlfriend to begin performing Ms. Sutton's "procedures" on you, 1 per weekend. (I think there are about 15 or 17 "procedures" — your girlfriend may have to write to Ms. Sutton to obtain them, for the cost of reproduction. They may also be available online in Ms. Sutton's e-zine, "predominant.")

If you decide none of this appeals to you, I would guess you'll have to bring yourself to acceptance of the need to look for a more conventional girlfriend.

.... Now I want to rebuild and make our relationship stronger. I thought she would come to my place next weekend and we would cook and I will give her flowers and a foot massage.

Sounds like a good start.

I need more practical tips....

These are my suggestions.

Good luck. You may find it helpful to let us know, from time to time, how your relationship is developing.

—Custer

 

[Custer Laststand]

TheDevil,

.... Well, as some of you know, I have this girlfriend who is very sexual. Our relationship is non-sexual.

Are you religious, and have you signed a "pledge to remain chaste until marriage" as, possibly, a member of a campus religious youth group?

I ask because apparently there was a lot of this going around, particularly during the republican heyday of the Bush/Cheney administration during which the "religious right wing" was riding high. Most of it (I gather) was in the high schools, in conjunction with the adamant opposition of conservatives — particularly religious conservatives — to any kind of sex education in the U.S. public schools. The idea, of course, was that young people should "just say no" to any kind of sex before marriage, thereby obviating the need for sex education by pretending sex doesn't exist. That is, until one is properly married, after which one still doesn't know anything about human sexuality, but it's OK to admit sex exists.

At the college level there has also been, as I understand it, pressure to sign "pledges to remain chaste until marriage" among the members of campus religious youth groups. Most students who sign such pledges to remain chaste, both female and male, subsequently don't (I gather, from news articles on this subject). This follows, of course, because sexual urges are an evolutionary imperative. One can't simply wish them away.

There are some students, however, who actually take their pledges seriously. Presumably they are in the "below average sexuality" cohort.

If you have signed such a pledge and are among those who actually take it seriously, that would go a long way toward explaining your relationship with your very attractive and sexual girlfriend who fucks other men (but not you), and the fact that you have lived with that as an acceptable form of relationship. Except, that is, you would evidently prefer your girlfriend, in addition to not fucking you, would also not fuck other men.

Being religious (if you are) would also shed some light on your chosen screen name, which suggests you view your sexual urges as caused by an evil entity you think of as "the devil" — as opposed to accepting those urges as completely-normal aspects of your humanity, and realizing (as noted above) they are an evolutionary imperative for we Homo sapiens, just as sex is an evolutionary imperative for all other sexually-reproducing species.

—Custer