My ex had a lover while we were together, bc she had always preferred blk, and i understood that. Sex between us was still fulfilling for both of us, very much so. A big part of sex IS mental after all. But there were many nights when she would want her blk bf to come over and would say "Sweetie, no..you understand, i know u do. I love you, but he has to go first. You know that, right?..." It seems like many women do need to have the one guy put them ona pedastal, and the other to give them what they need in every way sexually.
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