cuckedfireman

Mature married to a woman, but currently separated, white closeted bisexual total bottom (sometimes plays as a sissy and sometimes plays as normal masculine self) in Fort Worth, Texas. I'm in pretty good shape for my age at 6'1 and 210lbs with a true 32 inch waist. Not going to lie...after 4 lower back surgeries and a neck surgery...I haven't hit the gym hard since 2005; up to that point, I was a calendar model for several firefighter calendars. I'm much softer around the edges now LOL. I've been in some kind of service to others since beginning adulthood. This may surprise you, but in my day to day grind, I am an alpha male leader. This started after high school when I enlisted in the Marine Corps. Most of my 15 years of military service was in the reserve and ran concurrently with my 31 years in the fire service. I've also been half of a young swingers lifestyle married couple (ex-wife; married 6 years)...was also active as a single male in the lifestyle and was also a bouncer turned part time manager of an upscale gentlemen's club that used to bonito DFW (Texas) area in the years between my divorce in 2000 and second marriage in 2004. Funny thing is that with my current wife, I made a complete 180 degree turn away from the liberal sexuality I had enjoyed most of my adulthood up until that point. I thought it was the direction I needed to go, but I was wrong...and it has taken a toll on my relationship with my wife. I was ***** by a child predator when I was sixteen but actually liked it. Since then, I've become increasingly comfortable with my bisexuality, thought I'd kept hidden in the closet from those who are in my day to day life. I do occasionally, and (now) in a responsible manner, party with recreational substances; that is the root of my current relational problems with, and separation from, my wife. That...and she has slowly learned of my bisexual tendencies. The drug use was a means of escape from my real life when I needed to be totally submissive and give up all control and inhibition. To be truthful, that is why I still use from time to time. She doesn't understand and, in her opinion, I'm just an addict who has wasted the last twenty years of her life. It really sucks because we were slowly cultivating her sexual prowess and semi open mind. Her over the top conservative Catholic religious conversion killed our sex life and put her true sexuality in hibernation. I'm Catholic too...but dear God, she takes it to a super serious level that few people outside a convent ever get to. In my mind, we are working on saving our marriage, but I have no idea what she's thinking, who she's talking to, or who she spends time with...all I know is it's not me. I just pay all the tuition, mortgage, and bills for her and our two sons. For the last year, I've lived at the fire station and in a borrowed bedroom so she could have her space. I guess my needs don't matter. Sooooo, that brings me to my current mindset. My first wife left me for a single guy we met at a swingers club who had a nine inch cock hanging. He was twice her age; so I know big cock creates attraction and desire. Add to that the fact that my current wife tells me she can't trust me and probably never will again...well that and my inner pervert voice whispering in my subconscious...and that has me wanting her to be a hotwife and keep me as her submissive cuckold husband. I get my desired humiliation and pure enjoyment of watching, or just knowing about, her unfaithfulness. She gets to take her frustrations out on me in a playful...or not so playful...way while also being totally sexually fulfilled. While I very much love pussy, I would gladly be oral only for her if she would be open to this new relationship and lifestyle. Her comfort level will always dictate outcomes, but my ultimate fantasy and desire is for the two of us be together as a submissive hotwife/cuckold couple to a Dominant very well hung black man. Over the years, I have become, in my secret sexual life, a Jack of Spades BBC only sissy bottom slut. I have high hopes that I can find the right man (men) to reawaken her true sexuality and convert her over to being a willing Queen of Spades BBC only hotwife by her own choice. If you get me going down the rabbit hole of fantasies about her...I can get super perverted LOL. I a considering helping a guy or couple to clandestinely cross paths with her, become familiar to her, and patiently seducing her into a sexual FWB thing while giving me all the details as it develops...with thee d goal of her letting me move back home as her cuckold. The other idea...and probably not a good one...would be to arrange a home invasion while she's there alone...or maybe if I'm there too, but our sons definitely have to be gone. I know she has **** sexual fantasies and her first experience with a BBC that way just imprint that carnal desire in her brain. Your thoughts? Let's chat.