New to this - need advice

[cutecouple]

Hello people. Nice to see a forum dedicated to this.

About myself - I'm a married guy. Shortly after marriage, when I was away on a business trip I caught myself having fantasies about other women, and having this moral conversation with myself I couldn't find a fault with "adultery". (I have my own weird moral system of "Its wrong if it hurts someone"). As part of that reflection, I found myself asking the question "How will you react if SHE had fantasies - or activity - with other men?". Found myself incredibly turned on by that thought. After that, searched the internet about it and found out all about it... and I like this!

Long story short - after that, had conversations with my wife about this and we've played around with that idea but never really did anything. I think she is too afraid/cautious, maybe even a bit disgusted. But the fantasy lives, in me

Of late, I found a few messages on my wife's phone that suggest she does sometimes have fantasies with other men. Once I found a message that was sexually explicit. But most other messages are like "love you", "miss you", "kisses" etc. I did talk to her about it and said she can do what she wants and I'm ok with it, but she didn't seem to want to talk about it. After that, she is extremely defensive when I want to use her phone, and I find the message history is always empty.

But still if I mention the idea of swinging or anything like that, she expresses disgust/disinterest, and a reluctance to talk about it. I still sometimes find "love you" type of messages on her phone (she never directly asked me not to use her phone or look at messages and I always make it known that I am looking).

Once I found a photo of a guy's cock, and two photos of her body (I am sure they are hers) in the photos list. When I asked her, she immediately told me they are pics from a porn site and deleted them.

My question is - what do I do? I am thoroughly enjoying the fact that she is making progress but would love to be "kept in the loop" and also want this to go to the next level . What should I do as a good husband? What would you do in my place?

 

[duke9555]

do a Brown Betty

 

[justlookin65]

leave her...you aren't in a relationship. You are just occupying similar space. Dishonesty and secrets? In a marriage...uh-uh.

 

[Custer Laststand]

You're on your way...

Cutecouple,

Hello people. It's nice to see a forum dedicated to this.

Hello, and welcome!

About myself - I'm a married guy.

Hey, there's nothing wrong with that... lots of people are married.

Shortly after marriage, when I was away on a business trip, I caught myself having fantasies about other women...

What?! You only have fantasies about "other women" when you're away on business trips, not on a daily basis?! Please, give us a break...

...and having this moral conversation with myself that I couldn't find fault with "adultery". (I have my own weird moral system of, "It's wrong if it hurts someone.")

That sounds like a reasonable and pragmatic moral system. Unfortunately, committing victimless crimes can get you in serious trouble with the legal system especially if you run afoul of the so-called "war on drugs."

As part of that reflection, I found myself asking the question "How will you [would I] react if SHE [my wife] had fantasies - or activity - with other men?" I Found myself incredibly turned on by that thought. Then, I searched the internet and found out all about it... and I like this!

You can rest assured your wife has sexual fantasies about other men (almost certainly), especially when you're out of town and probably when you're in town as well.

To make a long story short: after that, I had conversations with my wife about this and we've played around with the idea but have never really done anything. I think she is too afraid and/or cautious, maybe even a bit disgusted.

If your wife is willing to verbally fantasize with you about her "secretly fucking other men" while you're in bed together and it increases your mutual pleasure during sex, that's strongly positive.

But the fantasy lives on, in me.

Yes, of course...

Of late, I found a few messages on my wife's phone that suggest she does sometimes have fantasies with other men. Once I found a message that was sexually explicit.

A phone message from another man that was sexually explicit was not a fantasy. It was a sexual conversation.

But most other messages are like "love you", "miss you", "kisses", etc.

Messages of that nature strongly suggest your wife is having what is sometimes called an emotional affair (at least) with another man, or perhaps more than one other man depending on whether they're from one or more callers.

I did talk with her about it and said she can do what she wants and I'm ok with that, but she didn't seem to want to talk about it. After that, she has been extremely defensive when I want to use her phone and I find the message history is always empty.

This, and your post on the whole, indicate you're a progressive married man. That, of course, is good.

Your wife's responses (as you have described them) suggest she is among the many married women who increase their sexual satisfaction by fucking other men, but simultaneously deny that to their husbands — even in the face of evidence (i.e., your wife's cell phone). Perhaps her mother stressed explicitly or by implication while she was growing up that it's very important for a woman's husband to ALWAYS think he satisfies her fully and she is faithful to him. Even if her husband says "it's OK" for her to "see" other men, a married woman who is having an affair must always deny it because, if her husband finds out, he will certainly leave her despite any previous protestation to the contrary.

But still, if I mention the idea of swinging or anything like that, she expresses disgust and/or disinterest and a reluctance to talk about it.

This would be consistent with your wife attempting to maintain the "she finds you fully satisfying and would never want to have sex with other men" cultural expectation — or, to put it more accurately, cultural fantasy.

This response on your wife's part also seems consistent with the strong desire of many (perhaps most) married women, as related by many cuckold husbands in this forum and, sometimes, by strongly-sexual wives, that women do not want their husbands to pursue, flirt with, and certainly not fuck other women — even if they themselves regularly fuck other men, perhaps many other men.

I still sometimes find "love you" type of messages on her phone. (She never directly asked me not to use her phone or look at messages and I always make it known that I am looking.)

It's very generous of your wife to not prohibit you from looking at her phone records. It sounds like she's gradually guiding you toward becoming accustomed to her being in regular contact with one or more other men while "testing the waters" by observing your responses.

Once I found a photo of a guy's cock, and two photos of her body (I am sure they are hers) in the photos list. When I asked her, she immediately told me they are pics from a porn site and deleted them.

That, of course, is the strongest and most explicit evidence of all. If the nude photos of your wife were taken by someone else and sent to her, you can interpret that as meaning they were taken by the man attached to the cock (shown in her cock photo) and she is fucking him.

If the nude photos of your wife were taken by her and sent to someone else, you can interpret that as meaning she and the man attached to the cock (in her cock photo) are engaged in heavy sexual flirting that will soon lead to her fucking him, if she isn't already.

My question is - what should I do? I am thoroughly enjoying the fact that my wife is making progress but would love to be "kept in the loop" and also want this to go to the next level.

First, you have the right attitude toward your wife and her sexuality; you seem to accept that marriage is a long-term personal and emotional commitment independent of your wife fulfilling her strong sexual desires by seeking and having sex with other men. That's definitely a plus.

Your problem is getting your wife to openly acknowledge her needs driven by her sexuality and the desirability of her openly sharing all that with you, so the two of you can openly talk about how that complements and fits in with your needs. That is, your wife needs to recognize that openly telling you about her sexual adventures with other men, and modifying her relationship with you accordingly — openly teasing you about it, probably — can greatly increase the erotic intensity, therefore the mutual interest and perhaps even stability, of your marriage.

Since you can't talk with your wife about these things, I suggest e-mailing her the link to:

Susan Gower on natural cuckolding of husbands by married women:
The Science of Cuckoldry Cuckold Couple

along with a mile query, say, asking her what her thoughts are on this article you found.

Then, after she's had enough time to read it and give it some thought (and regardless of whether or not she replies to you), e-mail her the link to:

Dr. Cherry Lee on the cuckold husband / hotwife phenomenon:
The Cuckold Phenomena Cuckold Couple

again with a mild query, say, asking her what her thoughts would be about the two of you establishing a "cuckold husband / hotwife" form of marriage (as described).

I also suggest defusing your wife's fears that your underlying motivation is to get her to admit she's seeing another man so you will have an excuse to pursue other women by reassuring her, probably more than once (whenever it seems appropriate), that you have in mind sexual freedom for her while you remain faithful to her.

If your wife replies re. either or both articles, begin communicating with her about it... by e-mail, if doing so in person continues to seem impossible.

Simultaneously (on your own... i.e., don't send the following link to your wife), begin implementing the strategy described here:

A Wife Into A Hotwife Hot Wife Blog - hotwife and cuckold husband fetish discussion

This is actually part 1 of an 8-part series of short articles on "How to transform one's wife to a hotwife" by Dr. Cherry Lee (a pseudonym).

Since it appears your wife is already fucking another man (or soon will be), she already has made you her cuckold (or soon will). This should, in principle, make it easier for you to "bring her around" via, for instance, the program suggested by Dr. Cherry. I say this because it seems unnecessary to convince your wife of the desirability of enjoying the pleasures of a variety of lovers. Rather, it's only necessary to convince her of the desirability of openly sharing her sexual adventures with you thereby making you her self-acknowledged cuckold.

Good luck!

—Custer

 

[Cuckold2036]

Hello people. Nice to see a forum dedicated to this.

About myself - I'm a married guy. Shortly after marriage, when I was away on a business trip I caught myself having fantasies about other women, and having this moral conversation with myself I couldn't find a fault with "adultery". (I have my own weird moral system of "Its wrong if it hurts someone"). As part of that reflection, I found myself asking the question "How will you react if SHE had fantasies - or activity - with other men?". Found myself incredibly turned on by that thought. After that, searched the internet about it and found out all about it... and I like this!

Long story short - after that, had conversations with my wife about this and we've played around with that idea but never really did anything. I think she is too afraid/cautious, maybe even a bit disgusted. But the fantasy lives, in me

Of late, I found a few messages on my wife's phone that suggest she does sometimes have fantasies with other men. Once I found a message that was sexually explicit. But most other messages are like "love you", "miss you", "kisses" etc. I did talk to her about it and said she can do what she wants and I'm ok with it, but she didn't seem to want to talk about it. After that, she is extremely defensive when I want to use her phone, and I find the message history is always empty.

But still if I mention the idea of swinging or anything like that, she expresses disgust/disinterest, and a reluctance to talk about it. I still sometimes find "love you" type of messages on her phone (she never directly asked me not to use her phone or look at messages and I always make it known that I am looking).

Once I found a photo of a guy's cock, and two photos of her body (I am sure they are hers) in the photos list. When I asked her, she immediately told me they are pics from a porn site and deleted them.

My question is - what do I do? I am thoroughly enjoying the fact that she is making progress but would love to be "kept in the loop" and also want this to go to the next level . What should I do as a good husband? What would you do in my place?

Does your wife know you are a cuckold and want her to enjoy other men? There is no reson for her to have secret lovers. Maybe she doesn't like the idea of "swinging", but may enjoy making you her cuckold. It sounds like she is doing it anyway.

Just tell her that you want her to have another lover.