New Year, New Thread

Peak, I had many different thoughts when I read your post a few hours ago now. I think you have perhaps hit it on the head when you suggested that we need to experience this new state to fully appreciate what we like about it. It actually sounded very much like what Sue had said about wanting to make this seem and be as real as it can be. But based on that, unless the circumstances are very much ideal, I'm not sure I want to pull her back into that frame of mind right now if she's - as I think - chosen to use the passing of her father as something that I see as even a catalyst in a way. I do recognize that right now, I cannot be sure if she is playing this as a game or if her feelings are turning for real. What I can say is that, at least right now, I want to let her have her way. While it did hurt and ache a bit leading up to Paul's visit, the reality is that I am not yet dissuaded in my feelings just yet. If anything, if she is being honest with me and as open as she seems to be, I am inclined to let her continue at her pace and desire. This past Saturday night was for her, not me. I saw that clearly and while yes it still digs in my side a bit to see her, it arouses me far more than that.

First - I had to reply to Raks because I knew he'd find something to mis-interpret. I clearly took her comments as being something she thought in terms of her desire towards Paul and not as a comment about me, I thought I made that clear, but perhaps not clear enough. Actually, other than the lack of intimate contact right now, things are actually quite good between us. Last night was decidedly non-sexual here and we really didn't talk much. Other than contact and arousal, little has changed so far. That includes the hugs and kisses when either gets home from work, pleasant conversation over and after dinner and a little close-time after that watching TV with the occasional hand-holding or peck on the cheek.

Where I have to say I differ with the other opinions here is that - yes I do know we need to talk - but as we'd agreed, she wants that to be at the end of October and I actually agree. To put it bluntly and quickly before I head off to work - even I"m not sure how I feel as there's just been a slow-start with Paul because of Sue's dad's passing (which still weighs on us obviously). We've/she's/I've really only had one time when our new arrangement has been pushed-in-my-face so-to-speak. I am still incredibly aroused at it all and as Peak rightfully says, I am intoxicated by it right now. But that doesn't mean I've forgotten 2 things she was clear on - one is that we play this as real as it can be. Now maybe that's something we should discuss - how real is real - but for me, while I do 'know' that we'll be intimate again - I am trying to put in my head how it will be if this were to be a longer-term thing. And while she may be thinking the same thing, I am also quite sure her head is going in a different direction regarding her desires with Paul. And that brings me to the 2nd thing she asked for - that we not talk about this until the end of October. To me, that fits with my prior sentence too - she wants to do, experience and understand more of her desires - how is that going to happen if I pull her back to what I want? That seems contradictory - and while I may not have shared my apprehensions with her, I did clearly share my encouragement, agreement and approval of going ahead - in fitting with trying to make this good for her and us, what use would my apprehensions have made sharing with her - when already I can see she is well taking care of many of them including the slow-entry into this new arrangement?

I am quite sure that neither of us are totally sure of what we want to have happen as time goes by - whether this will be something short-term (which for me - I have sort of mentally prepared for maybe 6 months of this) or something longer term (if she were to stay seeing him this way for further into next year or beyond) which I admittedly will probably have an issue with - how can we talk about it now when neither of us knows what this will bring or make us feel about or towards each other. I do know that according to her wishes, all of this IS going to be what we talk about at the end of October. In the time till the - I am actually quite interested in seeing how I feel after, by then, going almost 2 months without having sex with her.

GTR

Raks - you're always welcome here - I look at you as offering a sobering opposing point of view and to keep me honest too.

Tgelead - my understanding right now is that he'll be coming over either Friday or Saturday this week and her plan is for him to spend the night. She asked me if I preferred him coming here or her going there and I told her that I would like her to be here which made her smile, but I'm sure we'll talk more later tonight about this. It's my intention to let her lead on this stuff, at least for the time being as she seems to have a definite plan in some ways.

Peak - you're right in that if I felt the need to talk about things, I would. Her behavior and attitude towards me so far has soothed some of my anxiety and I'm content right now to let things ride for a little while longer and see what she wants and what she has planned and then, when I hear and understand more of what she is thinking, that'll be when I will not just want, but we will need to talk. And you're also right about my mis-associating her end of October date as being when we'd talk vs. when we'd be intimate again, which again, is why I've said you're right... But again, it would have happened of it's own accord so, in a way, we're both right.

Well, despite what others suggested and recommended, it seems like Wednesday nights are when it is most easy for us to talk.
However, we did cover the important stuff before our, or rather, my clothes came off.

After dinner we had a glass of wine and as we sat on the couch she and I started to talk. After we covered our respective days and she filled me in on the latest with her mom and their estate transition, she looked at me and asked me again "so baby, is everything okay with us?".

I had read and was thinking about the stuff everyone posted and I decided to just talk about things and not so much ask questions but to more see where the conversation went. I told her that I was surprised but that so far I was okay with things, but that I did have some apprehensions and that I wasn't sure about how she was feeling or, and I said it, where we're going to with everything. She was very at ease with what I was asking as I made sure not to ask about when we'd have sex again or when she was going to be with Paul, etc., instead I pointed it to 'us'.

I told her that I was okay with what we were doing as long as we talked about things and she smiled and said that she was glad I had brought it up and she even apologized for "not being here" with all the stuff with her dad. I told her that she didn't need to apologize but that we did still need to make sure we talked (and I used Peak's words) "in and out of the bedroom".. She smiled, pulled her legs up under her on the couch and turned towards me to talk more. I told her that I knew she wanted to make it be as real as it could be and that I didn't want to distract her from that, she interrupted and said she appreciated that from me. But I then added that I still wanted to make sure that we were going to be good with each other and that we were still in sync. I told her that it wasn't easy for me and that I appreciated her "slow start" which made her blush a bit and she said that she wanted it to be good for her too and she also didn't want to start too quickly and again mentioned still needing to be available for her sister and mom. I told her that was absolutely what I expected. So she asked me what I was apprehensive about and I told her honestly that I wasn't sure about how I was going to feel about giving up sex with her and that I thought these feelings were going to intensify over the next few weeks. Before she could answer I told her that i was concerned about these kinds of things not being easy to back away from.

I wasn't totally ready for what she said next. I won't try to quote it all because it'd just take too long but she surprised me first by saying that "well, you only have to wait till the end of the month, remember honey?" and I told her I wasn't sure she was going to want to think about or talk about that right now. She smiled and said that she thought she was past that point now and that as long as it wasn't something I continually brought up to her, that it was surely something we could talk about and she even giggled and said "I"m sure you miss it already, don't you?". And I answered with a honest yes and I then asked her the same. She said she'd tell me honestly and she said that right now, that no, she doesn't really miss it and she again mentioned how its easier for her to separate us with me bare like I am. I asked her what she meant and she smilied and said that I have a big cock but that seeing it without hair makes her separate me from how Paul looks and that helps her separate her desires too. She asked me how it made me feel and I told her that it turned me on sort of and I reminded her how we'd done it many times together in the past and she said she knew and she remembered but that it felt different back then. She also looked at me and said that she knew it would make me feel self-conscious too and that she thought it might help me "get used to things". I told her it did help but at the same time it made me very horny. She looked at me and said "it turns you on the same way the condoms do, doesn't it?" and she proceeded to ask/tell me how she hoped it would, like the condoms, help me get used to giving it up.

I looked at her and she said that she wondered if maybe my having given that up before "you know, cumming in me" that it would have maybe eased things for me a little bit " and as we talked she told me how she thought maybe getting used to that would have made it easier to "you know, give up the rest....". I hadn't thought about that before as I'd been thinking that it was the delays and her "slow start" so I looked at her and she said something to the effect of "you know, you haven't cum in me for so long that maybe this wouldn't have been such a big thing to you know, stop up having sex with me for a while". I looked at her and I told her honestly that I hadn't thought about that and she giggled and said "most guys would have never said yes baby, so I kind of thought....". It's going to sound kind of surreal but we spent the next few minutes talking about how we both felt about that. We both admitted that it turned both of us on that I barely came in her in now almost 2 years and we talked VERY openly about that. We've talked about this before but this time it did feel a little different and I told her so. She told me that she felt "incredibly sexually empowered" (her words) by what we're doing and she told me that, now, it very much turns her on that "my husband doesn't cum inside me". She asked me to tell her how I felt and I told her honestly, that it still really turned me on and "tweaked my being a beta". She looked at me and said that she loved me and that she loved that I could be comfortable with her and with "being the beta that you want to be" and she told me that's part of what she is feeling, that she wants to make it good for me and that I shouldn't worry about it.

I know we should have talked more, but by the time we started talking about condoms and this stuff, she'd moved closer to me and it had gone from a regular conversation to being something very sexually charged. She started to tell me how erotic she feels when she knows that my cum isn't in her and how erotic she thinks it is to watch me "like you're going to do later...". She leaned in and started to kiss me and while we could have talked for hours more she started to tell me how erotic it was to watch a guy cum and how turned on it made her feel, along with the condoms and then she said it "besides, watching you makes me even hornier for Paul baby....". I turned to her and I told her that as long as we could talk like we were that we can have fun with all of this and she giggled and reached down and felt my now hard cock and she smiled and said "mmmm, I so want to watch you baby".

So - after some playful kissing and teasing and a refill on the glass of wine, she encouraged me to strip down right there in the living room and to let her watch me right then and there. It was dark out already and we turned the lights down in the room and I let her coax me into it. I told her that it turned me on that she wanted me to shave and she said she hoped I understood, that she loved my "big cock" but that for her, seeing it bare, she giggled and said that it makes her feel different when she sees Paul compared to me and she asked me if I liked how it felt. I know it was a sexy moment and I shouldn't have said anything but I admitted to her that it gave me the same kind of sexy turn on as it feels to use condoms with her - that I become very self-aware and very turned-on by now it feels and what it makes me think. She commented as I started to stroke that I seemed to "hold your balls more" and I told her that the skin felt soft and it made me feel turned on. She smiled and asked me if it helped me "cum more?" and I nodded yes. She kept smiling and said "see, I know there's more fun we can have..... and in the living room tonight honey too! lets just not get any of your cum on the couch baby....". Fuck if I wasn't hard and hot already!

As I lay back on the couch she stood up in front of me and she said that she liked how it felt to turn me on and to know that I was enjoying it even if I also knew that was all I was going to be getting. She said it turned her on to feel this way and she started to rub herself all over sexily over her clothes and then she teased me at first by flashing me her bra and then taking her top off and letting me see her sexy body but not her breasts. She came over to me and straddled one of my legs and rubbed her crotch against it and she teased "my pussy is so hot and wet baby". I felt like she was somoene else at moments - that's how exciting it was to be there. She stood and slowly unbuttoned and slid down her pants. Playfully she let her panties slip down enough to let me know she's still bare but just before her pussy came into view her hand blocked my sight. Her panties dropped to her knees as she stepped out of her pants but with her hand still covering her pussy she pulled up the panties with the other and then she brought the hand that was covering her pussy to my mouth and nose and she giggled and said "see?". I laughed and said "I wish (I had seen it)" but then moaned when I could see her finger glistening a little and the sweet scent reached my nose.

She stood there in panties and a bra watching me masturbate and I swear it felt like the sexiest moment I've had with her in ages. She teased me - leaning forward and letting me just peek at the tops of her breasts and nipples and then at other times pulling the panties up tight against her pussy and showing me her camel-toe outline and at an other time, she pulled the crotch of her panties out a bit and let me see the dampened center. But she kept talking to me about seeing me cum and how it turned her on that I really got into it. I told her how it turned me on to know what I was giving up with her and she moved closer to me and held my free hand and she said she knew it did. I think I gave away what was on my mind when she said "so baby, we can always have fun like this no matter what" and then she added "I'll always want to watch you, even if we're not having sex baby....". That did it - it just came spurting out of me. She shrieked at the first spurt and leaned back and we then both watched the rest land on my stomach and chest until my cock was all shriveled up.